Newly Married Couple Has Honeymoon Ruined After Groom's Overbearing Parents Decide To Crash It
Honeymoons are supposed to be a relaxing time alone with your new spouse to get to know each other and get used to married life.
Not everyone's family believes that that pesky little "alone" part is all that important, apparently.
A Reddit user who has since deleted their account shared a disturbing tale of manipulation by her in-laws during their honeymoon.
The post, entitled "WIBTA for running away on our honeymoon?" describes the very uncomfortable first few days of the newly married couple's honeymoon.
The groom's parents gave the newlyweds a whole week in an all-inclusive hotel as a wedding present and they were excited for the getaway—until they arrived at the hotel to find that his parents were also staying there for the week.
"On arriving we found out that they'd also booked a room at this hotel for themselves for the whole week and want to do group things."
The groom and his parents definitely don't have a close enough relationship for anyone to have anticipated that they would show up to the honeymoon.
"Outside of this, we see them maybe 2 or 3 times a year for a couple days at a time as he finds them a bit overbearing at times and they don't really like me."
"It's not like they're in the room next door or anything and we can still do stuff in our room alone but they knock on our door regularly, waking us up at 6am, making us get all 3 meals a day with them."
Attempts to tactfully avoid the in-laws were utterly unsuccessful.
"We've tried telling them we wanted 'alone time' for our honeymoon and they shrugged us off saying that's what our room is for. We also tried faking illness to get out of eating with them and they just got room service to our room and sat with us while we faked stomach aches."
When the groom finally reached his breaking point and told his parents that they wanted some alone time, it didn't do any good.
"My husband snapped earlier and said this whole thing was way over the line and they had no right intruding on our honeymoon of all things, and they told us that they paid for this whole thing and that as adults we're allowed to take holidays at the same time to the same place."
In a desperate attempt to get some peace and privacy, the couple finally turned to considering their escape.
"We've been talking and we saved up to pay for our own honeymoon before they surprised us. We still have the money we would have spent in our joint wedding/honeymoon account."
"There's another town we wanted to go to on our honeymoon and we looked it up and we could get tickets from here to there and then back home for less than £60 total."
"We could also book a few days in a nice hotel for about half of what's left in our wedding/honeymoon fund and use the remainder of the week we booked off in another town without his parents knowing we'd left until we had."
"It's 9pm now, there's trains from here to the other town every hour, plus more half-hourly trains tomorrow."
"Would we be the ar*eholes if we ran away from his parents without telling them?"
All's well that ends well, though; the happy couple found a new hotel and chose to make their getaway on the last train out of town.
"Update: our train should be arriving in our final station in the next 30 mins, we've found a hotel that's able to take us tonight, and we are very excited about the next 4 days."
Reddit users nearly unanimously declared that the poster was not even remotely the one at fault in this situation, and that getting the heck out of there was a good plan.
"NTA. They deliberately withheld the knowledge that they would also be there from you and your husband until you were committed to the trip and had arrived. That is a seriously sketchy move, and you're under no obligation to make your honeymoon about them." -PedanticPlatypodes
"Also, how yucky is this? Your parents right down the hall on your romantic honeymoon getaway? Knocking on the door at all hours? Just gross." -Twiteena
"NTA. You're free to travel wherever you want, whenever you want.Turn your cell phone off and disappear for a few days with your husband. Have a real honeymoon."
"Running away from his parents on a train makes for a great story 10 years from now. Being cooped up in a hotel having tea with Mom and Dad for a week makes for a terrible story 10 years from now." -Jason_Samu
"DO IT!!! You don't get this time back. Run and if they or anyone else tries to guilt trip you just stick to that you were not informed they would be joining you on your honeymoon, and no one in their right mind would willing spend their honeymoon with their in-laws popping in sporadically."
"How are you supposed to "enjoy one another" when they just randomly knock or muscle their way in with room service?"
"Also, remind them (if you're planning on having kids) that their behavior now, dictates visitation in the future. If they're willing to bulldoze through your boundaries noe, how much worse will they be with grandkids?" -Ms1776
There are plenty of horror stories out there about overbearing in-laws, but this one takes the wedding cake.
Woman Seeks Advice On How To Deal With Mother-In-Law Who Refuses To Acknowledge Her Grandson's Life-Threatening Peanut Allergy
No nuts in this house!!
A mother on Reddit needed some serious advice about dealing with her in laws while trying to keep her kid alive. Reddit had sone thoughts.....
My [F28] MIL won't take my kid's [4] anaphylactic peanut allergy seriously
I've never really seen eye-to-eye with my MIL because she's very strict and old fashioned, she's like this with all of her grandchildren: she'll do things like yell at them for not sitting up straight, elbows on table, etc... I understand that children need discipline, but I prefer a gentler approach with my son. I've asked her many times to not do that, but my husband insists I let it go, so I've tried to.
Until now. My son was officially diagnosed with a life threatening peanut allergy, and we have an epipen for for him. She insists that when she was younger people "didn't have allergies," and if they did they would get rid of them via exposure and that I'm just babying him. I've explained to her that his allergy is very real and potentially deadly.
She has basically scoffed it off and the last time she came to pick him up, she took his epipen/fanny pack from around his waist and threw it on my driveway, saying she's taken him for ice cream many times and nothing has ever happened, and he doesn't "need it" with him. I told him she could no longer take him and brought him inside, she left and called my husband, she cried to him saying I accused her of being an unfit grandmother. Which I admittedly did because my child's safety is my priority and apparently not her's.
Now my husband wants me to apologize to her. He says she would take him to the hospital if he ingested peanuts and that I'm overreacting. I kindly explained to him that epipens save lives because anaphylaxis means your airways are narrowing, your breathing is becoming blocked, etc... and time is OF THE ESSENCE because it happens so quickly.
So, now my stance is... no epipen = no taking my child anywhere.
She's even insisting on taking him to a baseball game, which tends to have a LOT of peanuts, everywhere. I asked that she find a peanut free zone which the stadium does offer, but she once again belittled the idea and insisted he would be fine.
I'm getting really tired of her treatment toward my son, and my husband has always been a Mama's boy who thinks Mama can do no wrong and defends her endlessly. He says he turned out just fine being raised by her and I worry too much.
Would it be awful if I insist she only see him if I'm present? Am I completely unreasonable and overreacting? Is there anything else I can do so that they'll understand the severity or at the very least take some more precautions?
Grow up Dad!
GiphyI'm more concerned about your husband, does this dumbass understand that his kid could die quite easily from this. thetruthyoucanhandle
His blatant immaturity as a man and father. When you marry a woman, your mother takes a backseat. Period. If you're grown enough to start a family, you're grown enough to prioritize that family above all else.
OP, your husband's responsibility became you and your son as soon as he married you. (The whole thing really frustrates me, and I'm sorry that was how things worked out. Alas...) He is married to you–not his mother.
If he's unwilling to make you and your son a bigger priority than his infantile relationship with his mother, then it is your responsibility to fight for your son despite the cost to your "marriage."
Of course, fighting for your son means preserving your son's relationship with his father. That said, your monster-in-law should not be allowed a single unsupervised visit until you are sure she respects you and your wishes as a mother. internetleftovers
"prove she knows better"
Go make your husband read the r/justnomil post about the grandma who nearly killed her granddaughter with food containing allergens because she didn't take the problem seriously. And if that doesn't work, make him read the post about the woman who did kill her granddaughter with coconut oil when the child was allergic to coconuts. And if that doesn't work, demand counseling to sort through why he refuses to back you up when his child's life is on the line, regardless of who's threatening it.
No epi-pen, no unsupervised outings. It really is as simple as that. And frankly, you're being generous: I would make it no outings, period, until Grandma stops gambling with the kid's life just to "prove she knows better" than you and the doctors. mm172
Grow a Pair!
Your husband needs to grow a bleeding pair. Your son could die if his care is not taken seriously, and even an attack could scar him for life and do serious damage. I'd say, stick to your guns and communicate to your husband he's being a poor father by trying to stay the golden son. GlitterAllie
No Joke.
Allergic reactions are no joke. I am allergic to bee stings and various insect bites. I've never (knock on wood) gone into anaphylactic shock, but I have had a few bad enough reactions to require an ER visit. There is no waiting in the ER when it is an allergic reaction, they take you right away to start treatment immediately. Allergic reactions can go so bad so quickly, you have to take them seriously and take all precautions. Lady_Artemis_1230
Mama's Boy.
This is exactly his issue, maintaining his status as the perfect son in his Mom's eyes. When I asked him to talk to her about the severity of his allergy, he literally said to me, "Sorry that I love my Mama and I trust her? That's your problem if you don't, I'm not going to talk to her."
Not paraphrasing, word for word. I was jaw dropped. Like, I'm thrilled you love your Mom, but this is our son's life in danger...????
We got in a huge argument after that, which didn't really end in any resolution. I'll try communicating with him further though. Pnutproblemz
Avoid the Suffering!
Yo, so I have a peanut allergy, and I just wanna provide the perspective that having an anaphylactic reaction really HURTS and I'm pretty sure I have some level of PTSD from the reactions that I had as a child.
I cannot reiterate enough that it is painful. My skin was on fire, headache like I had a knife through both eyes, body pleading for air that I couldn't get. This is more than a "we will have to go to the hospital and have him fixed" problem, this is an "she will cause your child agony" problem.
You're not just protecting him from a clinical list of symptoms and consequences, you're protecting him from suffering needlessly. 5RabbitsInALongCoat
It's NOT you!
GiphyYou're not at all overreacting. Your child's life is more important than whatever your MIL believes. Until she understands how serious and life threatening something like that is, you should be with her. If your husband doesn't understand that it isn't okay for a person with anaphylaxis to always have their epipen on them at all times no matter if they know they're gonna be exposed to peanuts or not then you really need to talk to him.
My brother has anaphylaxis and starts to have visible reactions to even smelling peanuts and his throat will start to be irritated. You get to be protective over his life until they get it. lamestlauren
he is a threat to your child's life.
When she was younger people did have allergies. They just died of them.
She is an unfit grandmother. Your husband needs to decide whether he wants his mother to be happy or his child to be alive.
It would be awful if you let her see him without you present and he died.
Seriously.
Your husband needs to choose between his mother's will and his child's life. And if he chooses his mother, then it turns out you need to choose between your marriage and your child's life.
Start documenting this now. Your mother-in-law's behavior, your husband's insistence that it'll be fine.
Explain to him that you love him, but if you have to choose between him and your son's life then it's your son, and if it does come to that? You're going to need this documentation to ensure that he never, ever gets unsupervised access to your child, because unless he can take a stand against his mother, he is a threat to your child's life. Otherwise_Window
"good old days"
Yeah, this is a logical fallacy I see a lot. "When I was young, nobody had X,"
Or even, "our ancestors never suffered from X, it's our modern lifestyle and all these chemicals..."
Okay, there are some lifestyle-related illnesses (like diabetes). But a lot of the increase in chronic diseases and genetic conditions is because of modern medicine saving babies & kids who wouldn't have survived.
People who are nostalgic for the "good old days" never want to look at stuff like infant mortality. HarrietVane-Jones
Talk all Together....
GiphyIs there any way you could sit down with both of them and a doctor to explain why it's so important he has it with him? It might be that she's not taking it seriously because it's coming from you as horrible as that sounds. Either way you are not overreacting at all! This is your child's life. The fact your husband is not in agreement with you is worrying. Your MIL might not even take him to the hospital even if he did react because apparently "exposure" is a cure 😩 sofie-l
Tragedy.
I came on here to mention the coconut oil one. Literally can't even read that without crying. It's so sad and so avoidable. Do not let anyone who openly threatens to put your child's life in danger. You are in the right here and trust your instinct. TepidBrush
"I can't believe you're alive right now."
This! I have a tree nut allergy and was exposed to a near-death level in high school. There is nothing like having a doctor look you in the eyes and say "I can't believe you're alive right now." I had panic attacks, PTSD dreams where I was choking to death, developed a dependence on sleeping pills to avoid the dreams, and developed an eating disorder (including losing about 40 lbs I didn't have to lose) due to the lasting psychological stress from this experience.
I can't even imagine going through all of that as a young child where I didn't understand what was happening. OP, your husband needs to understand that even if your child is exposed and survives, he probably will have lasting psychological damage from such a traumatic experience. Is grandma's stupidity worth it? snookums666
Talk to a Doctor.
GiphyIf you have a regular doctor, it might also be prudent to have your husband educated on what a peanut allergy even is and what the epipen is for/how to use it properly.
Im allergic to many things and had plenty of family and friends think I was being too sensitive despite the asthma attacks I would have in front of them. Thats fine, you cant control their behavior. But what is most concerning to me is the fact that your husband sees this as a non-issue.
Reddit always has two sides of the story and it could've been easy to dismiss your post as FDP if not for the fact your child is LITERALLY PRESCRIBED AN EPIPEN. EmoMixtape
Good Luck.
I know you've had a lot of great replies, but I just wanted to add my own because I've been there as a kid myself.
When I was a toddler, I had a milk allergy. Not anaphylactic, but I would be sick and have diarrhea for a few days. My parents explained this to my grandparents (dad's side) but Grandma didn't believe in allergies, and so when they came to pick me up later on that day I had a chocolate bar in each hand.
I was, unsurprisingly, sick for days. By the time my brother came along, we were no longer left alone with the grandparents, because my brother had (and still has) an anaphylactic egg allergy for which he has an epipen. They weren't about to let my grandparents near my brother considering how they treated my less serious allergy.
Essentially, your MIL should under no circumstances be left alone with your son, and your husband seriously needs to understand that his actions right now are basically saying "I care more about being a momma's boy than I do about my sons life." Follow the other Redditors suggestions and educate him about anaphylaxis, because until he understands that, frankly your sons life is in danger. Good luck. Little_Numbers
Divorce is no Solution.
I've heard stories about children dying because grandma didn't take allergies seriously.
I'd never normally advise someone to consider divorce, but when your husband is putting your child's life in danger, I'd say that's an irreconcilable difference. Better a broken family than a dead child. Valuable_K
If they divorce, the father/grandmother will likely have visits with the child and the mother won't be there. It could be even more dangerous, depending on what type of visitation is allowed. no_mo_usernames
Straight Up Fool.
Your husband is a straight up fool lol. intentions aside, your MIL is actively trying to put his 4 year old kid into life threatening situations on purpose and he's more worried about his big scawwy mommy telling him off?
she is an unfit grandmother, and he is an unfit father. if there's one thing a father is supposed to do, it's to protect their children.
to me, it's as simple as this: they are trying to kill your infant child.
Jesus. r0dents
Protection Above All.
I'm pretty excessively trained in first aid. Allergic reactions like this can cause death in minutes without immediate application of an Epi-pen. Driving to the hospital is not going to be an option 99% of the time. Your MIL is dangerously wrong about this. You aren't overreacting. Do what you have to protect your kid. CretinActual
Cut her Off.
GiphyNope, you're not overreacting. You've been more than forgiving, and now she's risking the life of your kid by not believing the diagnosis of a damn medical professional. She can screw right off with that nonsense and so can your husband.
I'm allergic to poultry, but not anaphylactic shock level - even then it comes on QUICK. If I ingest any bird product, within minutes I'm spewing vomit like a possessed demon..... so it won't take long for your kid to suffocate before they even realize what's happening.
No messing around here. You're well within your right to cut her off. Who's to say she won't lie to you, say she'll take it seriously, and then risk his life when you're not around? Take her and husband to the next doctor's appointment and have the doctor explain this if need be. fifthsonata
NO EXCEPTIONS!!!
My youngest daughter was diagnosed with a nut allergy at around 7 years old, she's 16 now. Everyone who came around her, or had any contact with her had to follow my strict rules for food. If she went anywhere with anyone, the epipen went, and all persons were instructed on how to use it.
My MIL actually started watching what she made for family holidays. If anyone refused to abide by my rules, it was NC until they did. NO EXCEPTIONS!!
OP you are not in the wrong here. You do not owe anyone an apology for protecting your child. Captsbunni28
Out of Time.
GiphyI think your right to stand your ground about and I don't think you have anything to apologize for. This is something that happens very fast, and is very life threatening if you don't act within minutes. Driving to a hospital or having to wait for a ambulance is time wasted. disorder_ce
Woman's Story About Her Mother-In-Law Wearing A Literal Wedding Dress To Her Wedding Actually Has A Positive Ending
There is no shortage of wedding day horror stories on the internet, but one Twitter user just took the (wedding) cake with her viral story about her mother-in-law showing up to her wedding in a wedding dress of her own.
@AmyPennza originally threw out the incendiary tweet in response to a prompt from Jimmy Fallon asking his fans for their best #WeddingFails.
It’s Hashtags time! Tag a tweet with #WeddingFail and then tell us a funny or weird story from a wedding you were at. Could be on the show!— jimmy fallon (@jimmy fallon) 1560868823.0
And Amy certainly delivered, asking Twitter to "top that" along with an image for proof.
And, yikes!
My mother-in-law wore a wedding dress to my wedding. So, yeah, top that one, Twitter. #weddingfail @jimmyfallon https://t.co/IjqvnXT6Ps— Amy Pennza (@Amy Pennza) 1560960497.0
The tension in that picture is palpable, and people were having a field day with it:
@AmyPennza @jimmyfallon Is your fist balled? LMAO...if not, it should've been? JFC...that's some cold ass game right there.— CJ Baldwin (@CJ Baldwin) 1560988521.0
@AmyPennza @jimmyfallon https://t.co/FhG7k1deBt— Haley O'Shaughnessy (@Haley O'Shaughnessy) 1560974287.0
@AmyPennza @jimmyfallon Oh my goodness! I've seen mother-in-laws wear black but never a wedding dress. That takes the cake.— Tammy (@Tammy) 1560965357.0
But the internet wanted all the deets, not just the teaser.
@AmyPennza @jimmyfallon GIIIIIIIRRRRRLLLLLL! You cannot just drop a bomb like this and then walk off. It’s called a… https://t.co/FGEf6Gus3R— Alexandria Ashley (@Alexandria Ashley) 1561002152.0
@AmyPennza @jimmyfallon Hi Amy, hope you’re having a great day. We’re all interested in hearing the story on how to… https://t.co/WQJIs6j5EB— Audrey Brooks (@Audrey Brooks) 1560974178.0
@AmyPennza @jimmyfallon I'm ready to throw hands 😭😭 What was she thinking?! Her hair is even in an updo! I-🤮 I need the FULL story 😭— ReamogetsweMthethwa (@ReamogetsweMthethwa) 1560969102.0
So, after some prodding, Amy revealed the rest of her story.
And it's a doozy.
So, a couple people have asked for the story behind The Dress. Sorry for the delay! I have four kids (yes, I marrie… https://t.co/liJtrnGIMi— Amy Pennza (@Amy Pennza) 1560990712.0
I didn't know what my mother-in-law planned to wear. I didn't think to ask. https://t.co/Gq6p2E50Gx— Amy Pennza (@Amy Pennza) 1560990715.0
The morning of the wedding, all the women in the bridal party cram into a tiny room in the church. You know, body g… https://t.co/fekpFzzln1— Amy Pennza (@Amy Pennza) 1560990715.0
She walks in. I see it. https://t.co/avuU12yjuq— Amy Pennza (@Amy Pennza) 1560990719.0
Amy somehow managed to show some incredible restraint upon seeing the dress.
I don't remember much about the day. Most people say their wedding is a blur, and that's true for me, too. But I kn… https://t.co/0jqjjJ0yAK— Amy Pennza (@Amy Pennza) 1560990719.0
Later, my sister (matron of honor) said she didn't pull me aside and talk about it because she hoped I was too dist… https://t.co/C7aYtbgqGg— Amy Pennza (@Amy Pennza) 1560990720.0
But secretly, they both spent the reception looking at me, then each other, then MIL, then me, then the cop the ven… https://t.co/VK5MpEPAHi— Amy Pennza (@Amy Pennza) 1560990720.0
I'm happy to report the wedding unfolded without bloodshed, or anyone being shoved into the champagne fountain.— Amy Pennza (@Amy Pennza) 1560990721.0
And for anyone looking to make the mother-in-law a villain, Amy shed some light on her mother-in-law's background that's actually pretty heartbreaking.
Here's the thing: My mother-in-law is extremely frugal. And I don't mean she just enjoys a good bargain. To underst… https://t.co/vm3dFcSiPg— Amy Pennza (@Amy Pennza) 1560990721.0
She grew up in extreme poverty. As a child, she used to sneak into the kitchen and eat match heads. That's a pica c… https://t.co/iPIL9zIdoU— Amy Pennza (@Amy Pennza) 1560990722.0
When you grow up with nothing, it stays with you. Forever, I think. No matter how much money you earn, there's alwa… https://t.co/HVvv2md6A6— Amy Pennza (@Amy Pennza) 1560990722.0
But her upbringing didn't make her hard. Or cruel. Or selfish.— Amy Pennza (@Amy Pennza) 1560990723.0
Amy shared some of the ways her mother-in-law is frugal, including taking vegetables out of Bloody Marys to save for salads, painting her glasses red with nail polish to look more like Sally Jesse Raphael back in the day, and regularly filling up a water bottle she keeps in her purse with leftover water from eating out at restaurants.
So her dress choice for the wedding really came as no surprise.
So when she spotted The Dress at an incredible bargain, she couldn't turn it down. If you ask her now, she says she feels terrible about it.— Amy Pennza (@Amy Pennza) 1560990727.0
Although, she also told me, "I think I've still got it. We should raffle it off."— Amy Pennza (@Amy Pennza) 1560990728.0
But just because she likes to save a buck doesn't mean she doesn't have a giving spirit, as Amy points out.
She's frugal. But she's also incredibly generous. When my twins were newborns, she drove across town every night, s… https://t.co/4FJ1LsN4Xa— Amy Pennza (@Amy Pennza) 1560991507.0
So, yeah, the wedding dress was a shock. But it gave me a pretty funny memory. No one who attended has ever forgott… https://t.co/xHqSAQhbrr— Amy Pennza (@Amy Pennza) 1560991510.0
Sure, she wore a wedding dress to my wedding. But she has more than made up for it since. When I told her about thi… https://t.co/hepAauL5oS— Amy Pennza (@Amy Pennza) 1560992195.0
And, because I'm a romance author, I'd be remiss if I didn't add: And they lived happily ever after. https://t.co/E8oCQnzb6a— Amy Pennza (@Amy Pennza) 1560992197.0
So it sounds like all was forgiven, and everything worked out in the end.
People were actually kind of shocked.
@AmyPennza Unexpectedly wholesome conclusion— Snuffles (@Snuffles) 1560991882.0
@AmyPennza I’m verklempt https://t.co/1usWQ2lvLz— LDMichaelis (@LDMichaelis) 1560996282.0
@AmyPennza This reply was worth the wait and I do believe you hit the MIL jackpot. 💕— Bernie Lane (@Bernie Lane) 1560991809.0
@ya_habbibi @AmyPennza Yes! These examples humanized her MIL lovingly, I came here expecting sumn else. I have a fa… https://t.co/BkAdY7X2JS— joy adjacent (@joy adjacent) 1560992939.0
Not everyone is as forgiving as Amy, though.
@AmyPennza @iSmashFizzle It's a great ending but I'm still kinda mad tho... https://t.co/kmCXbZfnjB— Lesly (@Lesly) 1560995206.0
@leslysimmons @AmyPennza @iSmashFizzle Same 😂 like no matter how frugal you are you KNOW wearing a wedding dress to… https://t.co/3vcNifK8gL— sierra kazmirski (@sierra kazmirski) 1560995781.0
Which begs the question: How do you think you would've reacted?
If you're a mother-in-law or a daughter-in-law with a difficult relationship, help is available. The book Reluctantly Related: Secrets To Getting Along With Your Mother-in-Law or Daughter-in-Law, available here, offers strategies to help maintain the peace.