In need of Autotune....
american idol singing GIFGiphyMy dad's funeral. My maternal grandfather got very emotional, and when he's emotional, he loses his English and lapses into Welsh. He's also a trained singer, so halfway through one of the hymns he starts bellowing it out in Welsh, which no one else in the church could speak (we live in Scotland). It was funny and awful at the same time.
Just STOP!
I happened to witness the immediate aftermath of a car accident between this woman and a younger guy who seemed to be a new driver.
The young guy had a STOP sign and the woman was cussing at him, telling him he should be paying more attention and that he will kill someone if he drives like that. The poor dude was practically speechless and still reeling from the shock of the accident.
Just as I was about to go on with my day, here comes a delivery guy on a scooter. He stops for half a sec to take stock of the situation and goes "Hey, lady! Leave the poor kid alone, you were going the wrong way on a one-way street" while pointing at a sign that confirmed what he said.
Suffice it to say, I pissed myself laughing at her as she went back to her car realizing she was at fault after all.
"I just wanna live"
I pissed myself laughing at my husbands funeral. He had a pretty morbid sense of humor and one of the songs he wanted played was "I Just Wanna Live" by Good Charlotte. In the moment the whole thing just seemed so absurd that I just cracked up laughing. However because most people could only see my back they all assumed I was just crying. But honestly I think that my reaction was pretty normal given the emotional distress that day.
Walking Like Deer....
elaine benes dancing GIFGiphyOne time in college a few friends and I took a couple giggle stamps and went for a walk down the main drag of town, taking it all in.
At about the time that things were really coming to a head, a car crashes into a stone wall on the other side of the street at like 25 miles an hour. Without missing a beat 5 girls who were dressed to go out and were all wearing tall heels hop out and all run in different directions away from this car. They all looked like baby deer learning to walk.
The driver stumbles out seemingly intoxicated and then proceeds to try and reverse himself off the wall and leave the scene but ends up ripping off the front end of his car and then getting stuck.
Anyway I almost collapsed from laughing at all of this and after roasting the driver from across the street instead of helping like the Seinfeld gang for about 5 minutes we decided to leave.
'Come on and Celebrate'
sarcastic state of the union GIFGiphyWhen my dad died we were trying to sort out funeral stuff. We're a religious family and he had chosen Hymns and Bible readings before he died. One of the hymns was an old school 80s praise song called 'Come on and Celebrate.' It involves some cringeworthy synchronized clapping. We're also a pretty musical family so we sang that song in full voice, clapping away and giggling to ourselves knowing how disappointed dad would have been with us if we hadn't given it our all.
Or so I thought.
I used to be a wedding planner. One wedding was set on a coastal beach. Really great day, I had been working on this for months. Now, the couple decided that the ring bearer would be their labrador and he would have the rings on a ribbon around his neck, fair enough. So a bridesmaid would let him off the lead at the beginning of the aisle and he would trot down to the happy couple. We did test runs and he was really good so he was the least of my problems.
Or so I thought. I'm right at the back with my schedule, ceremony starts but the dog had different ideas, he stormed down the aisle (almost knocking the bride over) past the couple, down the beach and into the sea with the RINGS. Half of the groomsmen running after him ending up drenched in the sea. I literally had tears running down my face with laughter, there was nothing all I could do, had to balance against a wall with my heels embedded in the sand.
Coping....
After the loss of my sister last year which was my first real experience with death and planning a funeral I will never question anyone's behavior at their loved ones funeral. The brains coping behaviors are weird. I went from hysterical laughter to full snot face crying back to hysterical laughter in 2 seconds over and over flat the entire day. There are no "wrong" reactions. I'm sorry for your loss.
DADDY!! DO YOU KNOW WHAT WE NEED?!
Eddie Murphy Shut Up GIF by BounceGiphyClearly tired dad and his, I'm assuming, 5 year old daughter in a supermarket, following behind him pointing out things that she thinks they need in an obnoxious voice.
Girl: Daddy, do you know what WE need?
Dad: silence
Girl: Daddy!! Do you know what WE need? DADDY!! DO YOU KNOW WHAT WE NEED?!
Dad: A muzzle.
Had to duck into the next aisle so fast and burst out laughing, the people in that aisle had no idea what I'd just heard and looked at me like I was laughing at voices in my head.
Sit with Us....
I was out with a cousin that I had not seen in quite a while since she lives in another country. We were at a cafeteria/bar type thing. Since she was staying a few days only, she asked me if it was okay if some friends of hers that she hadn't seen in years came along. Told her sure and 10 mins later they come sit with us.
One of them (they were 3) starts telling us whats up with his life and casually drops "oh my father also died this summer" (as if he had bought a new phone or sth) and I almost spit my drink... I really tried not laughing but he didn't help. I left out a tiny giggle and he continued telling how his father died casually. I had to look at my phone to not lose it.
Kidney Needed....
jack nicholson laughing GIFGiphyI was doing storefront fundraising at a WalMart for the non-profit I'm a part of. I pitched a guy on the way in and his reply was "I'll donate to someone else as soon as someone donates me a kidney."
I expressed my sympathies and moved on.
The guy I was fundraising with pitched the man again as he walked out of the store. The man must've said something derogatory and my partner looked at me, shrugged, and made a funny face. I laughed and the guy wheeled around and started screaming and cursing at me for laughing at a man who needs a kidney transplant.
He ended up calling the store and saying I was mocking his plight and we were asked to leave for the day.
Perfect Plank....
My neighbor (60F) was about to open her gate but then she saw us, and she quickly turned around to say hello. Well, she perfectly face planked to the ground while doing so, got up and acted like nothing had happened and continued talking. I tried to ask her if she was okay but couldn't stop laughing. I must have looked like an butthole, it was the most perfect plank I've ever seen.
the nut job
Kick GIFGiphyA teenager was harassing a middle aged woman in a wheel chair.
The teenager tried to kick her in the face..... she caught his foot so he fell on his face, she held his foot up and repeatedly kicked his nuts with her giant special boot.
On the Floor....
I was in a restaurant and there was this kid a few seats ahead of me just being loud and annoying, so when he got out of his seat to do god knows what, he tripped and fell on his untied show and face planted into the hardwood floor, i laughed out loud so hard and i got a lot of nasty stares but it was worth it.
So Stupid...
new girl facepalm GIF by HULUGiphyI joked about my friend and said he looked like he was having a seizure before my idiotic self realized he actually was having a seizure
Edit: He was fine. Something happened that triggered a ptsd flashback. He has since gotten counseling.
ya'll know me!
On jury duty for a drunk driving manslaughter case. He agreed to an interview on scene of the accident, drunk as hell. After the officer identified himself on the tape, drunk dude started hollering in a thick southern drawl "ya'll know me! My daughters a street walker down in (nearby town)". I started laughing at that. With the wife and family of the victim visibly upset, staring at me.
Then guy admitted he spent the day drinking at a strip club, with a n open 12 pack of beer in the passenger seat with empties on the floor.
Man, that trial was a joke. Why didn't he plead guilty? No defense to speak of, they even had video of the accident, not to mention he consented to a BAC test. And this was the guys 5th drunk driving offense.
Ashes to Ashes.....
At my grandma's funeral, when it came time for interment, all of us who'd gone to the cemetery were asked to stay some 50 yards away as they were sodding the whole new area of the cemetery we were in. However, my grandpa wanted to sprinkle some dirt on her casket, so they permitted him to do so, with my mom, aunt, and uncle alongside.
A few moments later, we heard a really loud thud--evidently, because of the nature of the dirt there, instead of being able to find a small handful of loose dirt, he picked up a little clod or two and tossed that into the grave. Hearing the thud in the distance, my wife and sisters and I couldn't resist busting out laughing. Luckily grandpa was too far away to hear it.
Sing Out....
sign language GIFGiphyDuring my graduation ceremony, I was in the front row. We all got up to sing the school's anthem. The song was also gestured (?) in sign language. For some reason I found the person's gestures really silly and I was barely containing myself from erupting into laughter.
An Attack
When the polish president died in a plane crash in 2012 (I think) there was a nationwide minute of silence. For some reason I couldn't stop laughing, it was like an attack of just laughter because of nothing.
Anyways my family got pissed and took me away to a room where I sat alone in the darkness and laughed for few minutes till my whole core started to hurt.
"thou art butt dust"
My younger sister and I were altar serving on Ash Wednesday. We were probably about 13 and 11 years old.
The priest is making the cross on each parishioner's forehead with ashes and saying "remember, man, that thou art but dust and to dust thou shalt return."
My 13 year old brain decided to interpret that as "thou art butt dust" and I snorted.
That set my sister off and we were both sitting there laughing our asses off and trying to stifle it as much as possible.
One Punch...
fight punch GIF by Harlem GlobetrottersGiphyI was working at a McDonald's cleaning in front next door I saw a guy walking and some guy comes on his bike behind and lays him out with one punch.
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