Introverts Share The Best Responses To Being Asked 'Why Are You So Quiet?'
Why can't we just let people be quiet if they want to? Why are so many others afraid of silences?
I'm no introvert, but I have many moments of tranquility. They are precious to me.
So I can empathize with introverts. The quiet time is my time, just let me be.
It's ok to have nothing to say or chose to not share.
Redditor ConstantPlastic100 wanted all of the quiet people to give us all a shout out about how they respond to an oft asked question.
They asked:
"What are some best responses to 'Why are you so quiet?'"
I am a raucous human being.
But I also study human behavior as part of my job, and to do that, I must sit back and just watch.
That is also what my introvert friends tell me they do.
That is how they participate.
No Energy
"I say I'm tired. I'm never quiet when I'm actually tired but people seem to understand that excuse and leave me alone about it." ~ jus1tinsuggested this also!
"I don't think I've every had anyone question this one. You're just tired etc. But STILL made an effort to attend a social even is pretty nice I reckon most people would think." ~ ompster
"I have a friend who i often talk with on discord while we're playing video games, and every time any of us want to quit we use this excuse. and since we both use it, we both also know when the other person is using it. and we still keep using 'I'm tired, I should go to bed' every. single. time." ~ pineappletarzan
Coolidge the Comedian
"A woman once told President Calvin Coolidge, 'I bet you I can get you to say more than two words.' He responded: "You lose.'" ~ Hysterical_Realist
"This story is even cooler once you realize that Coolidge stayed completely silent for the entire evening after she said that, and then hit her with that line when everything was over. Man was a G." ~ NoLifeMax
Backfired!
"To quote an answer to a similar question, 'very rarely do you get in trouble for saying nothing.'" ~ Exactly_Sandwich
"I would actually say this is rarely true. It’s hard to make new friends/you lose friends, people think you are being rude, it negatively impacts your job performance, it’s hard to get second or third dates, etc. I dated a girl for like three years who would basically only give one or two word answers to any sort of question my family asked her."
"They all hated her because they thought she was just being insanely rude to them (and she actually was, she was an extremely narcissistic person who didn’t feel like she needed to answer people’s questions or engage in conversation because everyone was beneath her)." ~ Zabuzaxsta
Y'all are funny.
Maybe everybody should just be quiet to give them a break.
It's just me...
"'I just don't talk much' has always been my go-to. You don't really owe anyone conversation beyond a greeting if you're feeling polite, much less an explanation of your personality. 'Idon't know. I've always been this way'."
"Some people can't take the hints and won't accept any answer you give. It starts to feel like they're entertaining themselves by trying to see how long they can keep your mouth moving. It's usually those situations where I end up excusing myself." ~ nehswu
Good Question
“…you can see me?” ~ rrrrrrrrric
"The worst thing is that people who question your calmness won't understand that joke." ~ clint_elijahwood
"Anyone remember that WKUK sketch where you see Darren sprinting down a promenade for like 30 seconds to finally slap a guy, who rightfully freaks out, and Darren just goes 'wait… you can see me?' and sprints back the way he came? Because this reminded me of it." ~ chazfinster_
Gotcha
"Sorry, I didn’t know that was an issue and I will try to correct this. So I would first like to talk about your cars extended warranty…“ ~ KarloReddit
"Hi, it's Dave from Sweetwater. I see you bought a set of guitar strings 15 years ago. How are they working out? Is there any other gear you need?" ~ NDaveT
Sit back, relax, listen and enjoy.
Not everybody wants to use their vocal chords 24/7.
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Being vulnerable feels like it should be declared a superpower. It is not easy to expose your feelings to another. Especially if that other has captured your heart. Telling someone how you feel about them is a daunting task for even an eccentric, gregarious person. Imagine how it feels for the shy type? But fear not, often love prevails.
Redditor u/swisscheesefanboy wanted all the timid kids to shout out by asking.... Introverted Shy Guys, How did you meet your girlfriend?8 Years Later....
dirty dancing love GIF by Lionsgate Home EntertainmentGiphyAt a mutual friend's birthday party (about 10ish people present).
So a year later, when our mutual friend had her next birthday party and I'd had enough time to think of an opening line, I started to talk to her. Cue four months of emailing back and forth later, and we were a couple. Eight years and counting now!
So yeah, we took our time.
Cheeky...
I'll answer for him. We were in high school. I had just developed epilepsy. He saw me seizing in the hallway and helped me. When I woke up I found a note in my bag saying "you owe me one. How about homecoming?". I've been with that cheeky bastard for 11 years.
She Loves Me
She met me. We were camping with a youth group of roundabout 30 kids and several adults who managed everything. After roughly one week and doing some stuff together, we were sitting in one of the makeshift cooking tents and just talked about something. She asked me if I had ever kissed a girl before. A little bit confused I said no. She than asked me, if she could kiss me. I don't know why I said yes, but I did. And then we kissed. From that point forth we were in a relationship and a happy one indeed.
Swords at CVS
Shopping Checkout GIF by Winnetka Bowling LeagueGiphyA regular walked into the CVS I was cashiering dressed incredibly well as a fairy. After inquiring, that was just singular event and she really taught sword choreography and built performances for a troupe of pirates. She invited me out to play with swords that Saturday.
The Neighbor Girl
About 2 years ago I moved to a new house. There was this beautiful neighbor girl who caught me eyes. Me being an introvert was scared to tell her that I had a crush on her. Then after a few months my best friend told me that they were kinda friends before a few years. So then this friend texted her and told her that i,the neighbor guy had a crush on her. She texted me immediately and the first conversation was incredibly awkward and I thought I just blew my chance. The conversation was painful as I just was the lame @ss awkward guy.
She told me that she was not into relationships and she told me that we could be friends and the talk ended. But later that day she texted me to check if I was ok with the whole awkward talk. This really saved everything as we vibed like crazy and we discovered that we had many mutual interests. We became friends and then became best friends and this friendship basically progressed into us liking each other and then we fell in love without knowing what was happening. Easily the best thing that has ever happened to me.
Let's Laugh....
Funny story.
I got hired to deal poker at a local Native American casino. I started on day shift and she worked graveyard, so she'd be leaving while I was coming in. I assumed she was way out of my league and never even made eye contact as we crossed paths.
My buddy got hired as well and was working grave with her, so they became friends. So, through their friendship, we were on speaking terms, but I still never imagined she'd give the time of day.
So, one night I'm drinking with my buddy and we're being totally awesome playing Guitar Hero at my apartment.
She randomly texts him asking what he's up to, and he said we were playing video games and drinking at my place.
Just randomly, and with liquid courage, I joked to ask her if she wanted to be my groupie, because I was shredding Guitar Hero. She said yes and asked if she could have a poster of me in her room. Turned out she liked nerds!
That broke the ice and here we are nearly 15 years later with a 9 and 7 year old, as happy as we could possibly be. We've never had a fight or even a heated argument. It's been perfect.
The Friends....
I liked her for awhile, and then one of my "friends" at the time (who knew I liked her) started dating her my freshmen year of high school. I kinda got over her slowly thinking I never stood a chance, and eventually became friends with her since they were dating. Yeah then he cheated on her and I was the one who was there for her and I ended up asking her out later. We've been together 7 and a half years later.
The Latina Way
jennifer lopez judging you GIF by NBCGiphyI'm quite lucky that in my culture Latina women aren't raised to be passive and sit on their hands and wait for a guy. Every Latina girl I've been with initiated and told me they liked me.
The Nerdy Guy
My bf is super introverted and nerdy. We met in college because we were in the same science club together. I was dating someone else at the time, but we friended each other on social media since he had keys to our club advisors office (he was a TA as well). We lost touch for about a year (I broke up with my then bf) and then ran into each other at a bar in our college town. He had graduated and started working out of state but just happened to be in town for his brothers bachelor party. I was stuck at the bar because I was designated driver for my roommate and her friends.
We're both super shy and introverted so we ran into each other in the quietest corner of the bar. We recognized each other and started chatting for like 5 minutes until we both got quiet and awkward and we parted ways. But after that we started messaging on fb. We were both a lot more brave and conversational online. We talked for like 6 months (he was working out of state) and got to know each other super well. He visited me for a date and we've been a couple ever since.
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Being an introvert makes dating a bit harder than it is for extroverts who meet and get to know new people with ease. That doesn't mean it's impossible, though.
Internet seems to confuse "introvert" with "completely incapable of leaving the house or speaking to another human being" - but that's not the case.
Introverts are more than capable of happy and healthy relationships, conversations, and meeting loads of new folks. One Reddit user, who is struggling because he is too shy to talk to people, asked:
Introverts, how did you meet your girlfriend?
The question was centered around girlfriends because that is the end goal for the person posting, but the responses came from all kinds of people with all kinds of partners.
Long story short, a lot of introverts needed the other person to make the first move. Also, as one person explained it, getting to the girlfriend is actually the last step in a long road of self-confidence building.
There is no guaranteed method, but one guaranteed NOT to work is staying home talking to no one and doing nothing. So get out there (at least in an e-way cause, ya know, pandemic) and have some fun.
Still Oblivious
We worked together. I wasn't really interested at first. She seemed a bit stand offish, but one day she stayed after work and hung out talking to me. I invited her to a 4th of July cookout at a friend's house the next day, as my crush couldn't make it. She said yes and was very touchy-feely with me. I was oblivious still.
One of my friends at the cookout suggested a few of us go see a movie the next day and she said yes. When we went, she sat next to me and kinda snuggled up close. Still oblivious.
After the movie, she hung out with me at my apartment, sat on my lap with her honey my chest, and watched Red vs Blue with me. She was cold and asked me to hold her. She put my hand on her ass! And I was still oblivious.
It wasn't until she left at 2am that I realized "what if she's into me?" I told a close girl friend of mine, and she almost hit me for not asking her out. So I called her up and she said yes. We've been together 7 years now. I was both an introvert and an idiot.
When guys say we don't catch signals, we really don't.
- Son_of_Sothoth
Make The Move
flirty flirting GIFGiphyMet someone that realized I was too shy to make a move and aggressively flirted with me and hinted all the time.
Need me a freak like that.
I nearly choked on my drink after reading this, thanks
All of my girlfriends have been the aggressor in starting the relationships. And not with subtle hints either, basically they have to knock on my skull and say hey we're gonna date now.
- ccx941
My girlfriend is an extrovert she introduced herself and I made an uncomfortable joke about how since she doesn't know me I'm "mr anonymous" We've been together for five years now.
I threw pistachios at my (now) husband because he was sitting at the bar playing hard to get.
- Amadai
Tired Of Waiting
Through a mutual friend. We've known each other since 2011 and I had a crush on her since day one. We used to cuddle a lot after parties throughout the years but I was too scared to ask her out.
In 2018 I asked said mutual friend if he thought she'd like to go out with me. He just straight up asked her. She said that she would like that but I was still to scared to do anything. She got tired of waiting for me to ask her out and asked me out instead. Turns out she had a crush on me all that time too.
We're engaged now.
Just Say 1 Line
Overcame my fear of rejection. Manned the f*ck up and started failing at chatting up girls. Not even chatting up, just talking to random girls. After a while I lost my fear, gained confidence and got a girl.
Getting the "right" girl is actually the last step in building your own confidence. There's so much to do before you get to that point. I would suggest that starting right now, try to make a conversation with every person you interact with.
Just something small and easy. Just say 1 line to the next person you see and build from there.
Nice try, extrovert.
Literary Porn
reading quotes GIF by Quote CatalogGiphyNo lie my boyfriend is an awkward introvert and we met on a porn site that has a chat feature. It's called Literotica. It's not visual porn, it's pornographic literature.
We now live together (for 2.5yrs) him having moved from Florida to Michigan.
- Ali6952
Omegle
I'm sure this is a rare one, but Omegle. 6 years ago. I used to use the website a lot, chatting with girls. I met my girlfriend on the site and starting messaging each other a lot, then skyping, it turns out she was planning on going to the same college as I was (lived in the same state). Now we have been living together for 2 years.
True Self
My close friends and I met up for drinks before a house party, and one of my friends brought their course mate. Usually I have troubling being confident and outgoing around new people, but because I was comfortable with almost everyone there I acted a lot more chill, cracking jokes, doing stupid sh*t, basically my true self.
She told my friend that she thinks I'm good looking and it took me a good 2 hours to come up with the courage to talk to her. Anyway we've been together for almost a year now lol.
- xtaradox
Awkward Jr High Hugs
Aye a thread for me! Okay so me and my girlfriend went to the same junior high. I was 12 and she was 13. Me and her only shared one class together. I also had my best buds in this class, we all sat in the very back and would just BS around and make gorilla noises at each other (I don't know why, we were 12 and it was funny I guess) and she would always turn around and shoot everyone looks.
I developed a crush on her, and since we were both introverts we never really talked and I never conveyed my feelings to her. But when the last couple weeks of school rolled around, I found some courage in myself to start waving at her, and smiling, which would lead to small conversations, which lead to me tapping her on the head when I would come into class, and it wasn't until the very last day of school where she told me that she liked me.
That then lead to a very awkward hug before leaving school, and then another few weeks of awkward Facebook messaging.
Years later (I'm 20 now and she's 21) we now live together and have a beautiful 2 year old daughter, are planning on buying our own home within the next year or so, and to hopefully get out of our home town together. We had our daughter really young so I dropped out, got my GED, and have been working since to support us, so we have been able to afford and save.
I love our story and I thought this was the perfect thread to share it in, hopefully it doesn't get buried, thanks for reading :)
Nearby Octagons
Dating app called Whiplr. Joined it, it's laid out like a set of octagonal tiles with the ones nearest the top being nearest to you and as you go down they get further away. Sent a message to this girl that wasn't too far away from me and asked if she'd be up for chatting and once she said ok we had a brief chat.
At the end I asked if she'd be ok with me messaging again and that was ok so we built up our conversations in terms of length and depth and went on a first date about a month later. We've been together almost 4 years now.
Therapy Made It Happen
I hope a story of how I met my now husband is ok for this post.
I was going to therapy and was encouraged to go out to events and parties. I met him at a university holiday event and we both volunteered to visit and give doughnuts to kids in the hospital. I pulled myself together and went to every party or hangout I was invited to, whether I wanted to or not. It was part of my therapy.
We got to know each other, got drunk with friends one night and we started to making out. Then we went on a few dates a slowly became serious. Our first dates were pretty easy going since we already knew each other and the dates were more fun than a scary interview.
We just celebrated 2 years of marriage.
Ask One Out
I was talking to a friend at work about why none of my chats on tinder seemed to go anywhere and how it was getting me down.
She then reminded me that if I wanted to go on a date with any of the them I'd actually need to ask one out. I tried and it turns out girls will actually say yes to dates quite a lot if you ask. I'm now engaged :)
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