Married People Reveal What They Hate Most About Their In-Laws
"Reddit user fuzzyloulou asked: 'Married people of Reddit, what's something you just hate about your in-laws?'"
Blending families is always a roll of the dice.
Sometimes people get lucky... because their in-laws are dead.
I jest.
Sometimes lovers and in-laws get along famously.
But a lot of the time significant others have to deal with in-laws that can be a lot.
Just because someone has become instant family doesn't mean you have to adore them.
They can still be horrible people, that you learn to live with.
Chosing a partner comes with strings.
And some of those strings are chains.
You have figure out how much you can bare.
Redditor fuzzyloulou wanted to see who was brave enough to call out what they despise about their in-laws, so they asked:
"Married people of Reddit, what's something you just hate about your in-laws?"
I've never had in-laws.
And I have a feeling, that was a blessing.
The Horror
never ending wash GIF by Oggy and the CockroachesGiphy"My in-laws are nearly perfect. But if my MIL comes over and there are clean dishes in the sink drying, she will dry them and put them away. Even if she doesn't know where it goes, she will just guess. My life is horrible."
meyerjaw
Family Matters
"My FIL called my wife and her 3 sisters wh*res all while standing I’m MY house. The reason you ask? They all got married outside of the Catholic faith. We haven’t spoken in 6 years. Best 6 years of my life."
Patrick2337
"I could have had things turn wrong the moment I handed back the baptism contract to my mil and told her I wouldn't sign it."
"She asked why and I proceeded to tell her about how and why I dropped out of college. I took business and accounting, I don't f**k around with contracts or numbers. Then I told her about my Catholic upbringing. Changed her mind real quick. It pains me to know that my time is now limited with this woman."
KnowItOrBlowIt
Not into you...
"My MIL isn’t too nice to the kids. Granted, she has 15 grandkids, you can tell which ones she likes more. And less. My kids are in the middle."
wclure
"That sucks. I was one of those kids the grandparents liked less too. If it’s any consolation, I wasn’t too upset it just meant we weren’t as close so when they died I wasn’t super torn up."
whitepangolin
Overloaded
"The way they travel. The constant need to overpack, shop for s**t to take home, etc always results in like half a dozen overweight suitcases and carryons that they then ALWAYS have to re-organize to handle the weight and they ALWAYS expect everyone in the group to pack light to accommodate in case they have to dump s**t on you. I hate it and it pisses me off every time."
Sorry-birthday1
Not Real
Sashay Away GIFGiphy"How fake they are. They just care about their image and how they appear to others, very little, if anything, is genuine about them."
Unhygienictree
Why don't fake people know we see the fake?
No matter if they're strangers or family... the transparency is real.
Be Quiet
Amy Schumer No GIF by Saturday Night LiveGiphy"I absolutely love my inlaws, but compared to my family they are REALLY loud. Like instead of taking turns talking they just talk louder over each other until someone listens. I leave with a headache, and that's including times I sneak to an empty room for peace."
kannakantplay
Just About Everything
My MIL? Love her, she's great. My FIL? Cheated on my MIL with her sister, and still sees said sister on a weekly basis while somehow still remaining married to my MIL. Bought himself and the sister a new car while my MIL drives a 20-year-old F-150. When he is home all he does is drink Budweiser from 11 am on while watching TV. And complains about everyone else in the family."
"Doesn't come to his grandkids' birthday parties and just hands us some cash to go buy something and to say it's from him. On several occasions, he's been at nice dinners and gets drunk and belligerent to the point of embarrassing everyone with him. So when it comes to my FIL, to answer the question... just about everything."
Tiberius_Jim
This Christmas Sucks!
"Oh God, do I have stories? My MIL is one of the cheapest people I have ever met and a hoarder. For my son's first birthday, she gave him a roll of paper towels because... 'Look! He loves it, doesn't even know whether it is a toy or not!' At age 3 for Christmas, she gave him some random toiletries and cleaning supplies she bought at the dollar store, wrapped them, and everything. Now I have to give my boy credit on those... after he opened them he said 'This Christmas Sucks!' which caused major drama for my wife and I."
who519
Vampires
"Oh man, how much time do you have? The number one thing is that they are drama vampires. They can’t live without it. Everything is about them, and if it isn’t, it will be soon. They are cartoonishly childish and it’s as ridiculous as it is sad. I feel terrible for my spouse and her siblings. Every family get-together is a sh**show. Number two is that they can’t make a plan without overcomplicating the ever-loving sh*t out of it, which my wife has inherited."
Studlum
Toxic
music video britney spears toxic GIFGiphy"My sister-in-law is one of the most toxic people I know. Total narcissist. Everything must be all about her at all times. And her husband is a codependent simp who enables her behavior. The rest of my in-laws are cool though."
celiacsunshine
Well if there was any reason to stay single, all of this it!
In-laws sound like a lot.
People Explain Whether They'd Stay In Touch With Their In-Laws If Their Spouse Died
Reddit user TLMoore93 asked: 'If your spouse passed away, would you maintain a relationship with your in-laws? Why/why not?'
Family relationships are already complex, but the involvement of in-laws and an adult relationship take the dynamics of family to a whole other level.
But if someone's spouse were to tragically pass away, they'd have to decide what the future of their family would look like, and whether or not they'd want their in-laws, who'd technically then be disconnected, to stay in the picture.
Redditor TLMoore93 asked:
"If your spouse passed away, would you maintain a relationship with your in-laws? Why or why not?"
Putting Grandchildren First
"Yes, so they could continue to have a relationship with their grandchild."
- CharsOwnRX-78-2
"Absolutely this. In addition, I trust my in-laws alone with my child more than I trust my father, to the extent I have listed custody arrangements in my will. In-laws definitely go before my dad in the custody line."
"I have every expectation that in the event of the worst, they would absolutely still be there for me and my child."
- nutbrownrose
Avoiding Family Drama
"Two of my in-laws don't get along (his sibling and one of his parents). My husband has already told them basically, 'Don't be a**holes if I'm dying.'"
"He does have a disease that can but isn't guaranteed to end his life earlier than average ... anything can happen. We are in our 30s, he was told he wouldn't live past his teens. He's good right now, all things considered."
"That being said, I can fully see my Mother-in-Law either being an angel or a thorn in my side if he passes before she does. Hope it's the former."
"Either way, I know what he wants, and that's no drama or disrespect... but if someone's being an a**hole, he doesn't want to be involved. So I'd be following that."
- Satansrainbowkitty
The Best Relationships
"Yes, they're nicer than my parents."
- Lowflyin
"My mother-in-law is nicer than my mom, anyway. No way I wouldn't be there for her, she's worked so hard to provide for my Fiancé, no way I could not keep her in my life."
- Thrilling1031
The Support System
"I know I've become a better person as an adult so I'm probably easier to get along with now, but the immediate acceptance and love I received from my fiance's family just endeared them to me a million times more than anything I've felt for my own family."
"He has also encouraged me to be closer to my own, which is great."
- Danceswithunicornz
Under Their Wing
"The second I started dating their son, my in-laws took me in and treated me like one of their own. I didn't know what a kind, loving family or parents were really like before, experiencing it was a huge revelation."
"I would absolutely maintain a relationship with them, and I know they would want the same."
- McMew
"My partner’s parents did the same with me. To feel unconditional parental love for the first time was surreal."
"My partner passed away five years ago and I am still close with his mom especially, she brings me so much comfort and I am so happy we have continued our relationship. We desperately needed each other in the early days of our grief and now I don’t think either of us could imagine it any other way."
- arrwine
A Close Bond
"We aren't married (yet) but I refer to my boyfriend's parents as my in-laws. And in turn, they introduce me to others as their daughter-in-law. My boyfriend's mom is my best friend. I absolutely love her to bits. We hit a rough patch a couple of years ago and she took me for coffee to talk about it and assured me that even if the worst happened, she would always be there for me and in my life whether he liked it or not, because she loves me."
"I didn't know what a real family was supposed to be like until I met them either. For my 18th birthday, the first birthday I spent with him, my boyfriend asked me what I wanted to do, and I had never really celebrated my birthday since I was a child because we either couldn't afford it or my mom and I were fighting over one thing or another."
"He knew this because I told him. So, on my birthday my boyfriend picked me up, took me to McDonald's to get a McFlurry, then took me to Dominos to pick up the pizza he ordered for us."
"When we got to his house, his mom had most of the lights off and she was standing in the kitchen with a cake, candles lit, and a gift bag on the counter. They started singing happy birthday when I walked in. To say I cried is an understatement. They have done this every single year since then."
"Christmas is regularly celebrated in my family because we save up for it. But man, that first Christmas I spent with my boyfriend, I cried again because when I got to his mom's house there was a stocking with my name on it and it was full. His whole family got me gifts."
"I wasn't prepared that year, but the next year I went ALL out on gifts for him and his family. His mom includes me in absolutely everything. And when I can't make it to something, I know d**n well she'll be phoning me on her drive home to tell me all about it and give me all the gossip.
- Burnt_Your_Toast
Together Through Grief
"My wife died, in my arms, on May 13th of cancer complications. Her dad called me last night to check in on me and her mom called the day before for the same reason. I call them Mom and Dad, and they will be that for the rest of my life."
- Cubbycupcake-Uther
"I'm so very sorry for your loss. We found out on May 25th that my wife has brain cancer. No cure... just have to treat it and deal with it as long as possible. I have been an absolute mess inside, but trying to hold it together for my two boys. She is the eternal optimist of the family and is ready for whatever comes next. We find out the biopsy results tomorrow."
"Her family is my family, and I know that we will have each other."
"I hope that you are ok and that you can find some peace. This is the worst. If there's anything I can take from this, it is that I will never waste a day... or the opportunity to help someone that needs it. My circle has been amazing, but I know not everyone has that."
- daddyboi83
Chosen Family is Forever
"My oldest sister passed away in 1989 before I was born in 1994. My whole life I've had this guy named Vince in my family. He's the nicest, sweetest, and funniest dude and has always been like a really fun uncle to me."
"He basically lived with my parents for years after my sister died. My Dad took him in as his pseudo son and even after he started dating this wonderful woman years later he would still come on family vacations with us."
"He asked my dad permission to marry his new girlfriend back in the 90s as a sign of respect. Of course, he said yes."
"Unfortunately two years ago or so she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's and today her condition is getting worse and worse to the point he can't leave the house anymore."
"He has experienced unimaginable pain for a man to now go through what is essentially two deaths of wives in his life. Again, he's the nicest guy ever, and the positivity he's always carried about himself."
"But yes, if you have a good relationship with in-laws, keep it. Chosen family is forever."
- nightmarenarrative
On the Flip Side
"Absolutely not. I would never talk to them again. They are horrific people."
- Disastrous-Phase-797
"Although mine aren't horrific, they are definitely not my favorite people in the world. I have little to no interaction with them now so having no interaction at all sounds wonderful."
- tjcline09
Inhospitable Environment
"I would totally cut them out of my life. They are horrible people who think only of themselves."
"They've ruined every holiday, birthday, and special occasion where I've included them."
"This is my second marriage and I'm closer to my first in-laws than these posers. I only tolerate them occasionally for my husband but basically, I avoid them now."
- Ihavethebestdogs
Family Heritage
"I would. I like my wife's parents and extended family, and they'd certainly want to know how our son is doing."
"On top of that, my wife's side of the family is African-American, and I feel like my son should have some sort of connection to that heritage."
- Nihiliste
Positive Connections
"Not passed away, but I got divorced almost 20 years ago and still see my former MIL and SIL when they're in town. And I stay with them when I'm in their town. Love them!"
- alert_armidiglet
The Conflicted Answers
"I don't know. I really like my in-laws and consider them family, but aside from the fact that I married their daughter, we have no common ground. I think hanging out with them would ultimately just be painful."
- Anakin_Skywand
"That's what I am thinking. I would totally keep in contact with them, especially because my nephews from her side would be even more confused if I wouldn't visit anymore, and I love them, but I cannot picture how you can continue life if you stay too close to them."
"Honestly, I wouldn't know what to do when my wife passed all of a sudden. Besides losing my grandparents when I was 18, I have never faced a tragic loss and have no idea how I would react."
- ZedsDeadZD
Unconditional Love
"Today is actually my 5-year angeliversary."
"I do keep in contact with her family, and they have been my family for 19 years before she passed away."
"They are still my brothers and sisters. They are still my children's aunts and uncles, and grandmother."
"I still love them like I always have."
- ericstott
The Grandparent Connection
"I'm not widowed but divorced. I made sure my son, who decided on no contact with his dad, kept in touch with his paternal grandmother. We went to visit her at Christmas and her birthday, which is more than my ex did."
"No reason why she should miss out on a grandson entirely, just because we were not together anymore."
- yonthickie
While it's difficult to imagine what life would be like without our favorite loved one in our lives, it might be even more complicated to think of how the surrounding relationships would change.
There were some who saw those relationships dissolving immediately, but others felt they'd lean into these relationships more, accepting the support any of us would desperately need during such a time.
Letting your child grow up and live their own life is a difficult challenge.
It can be especially difficult to watch them finagle the game of love.
Let's be honest, this is your baby... no one is going to be good enough for them.
Fathers and daughters have a very special bond that way.
This is why dads liking their daughter's choice in a plus one is unique.
RedditorAlbinE2412wanted to hear from the dads out there about their thoughts on their children's choice of partner.
"Dads who have daughters, which was your favorite boyfriend and what made him stand out?"
I am only a fur baby father. And I have NEVER approved of the boys that came sniffing around.
The Best
Sydney Sweeney Lovers GIF by Amazon Prime VideoGiphy"The one she married. He was good to her, respectful and considerate of her, which we first noticed, and it was mutual. In the past few years they've been absolutely terrific parents, too."
phred14
The Only Son
"My Dad had four daughters and no sons so he was very much a 'sit and polish his shotgun while talking to new boyfriends' type of guy. I, the youngest, had one casual date with a guy I knew from high school but he was a year ahead so he left the state to go to college. After a few phones calls and letters we decided to try dating long distance."
"Fast forward to Christmas break, boyfriend come home to visit family, we go out on a real date or two. Dad was away on a business trip. He came home and said he needed to meet this guy before I could go out on any more dates. Night of the 'meeting' came and I was late coming home from work so I ran upstairs to get ready."
"I came down to find the two of them sitting there watching some horrible B rated movie and picking out all the mistakes. I asked if they even met yet. They hadn’t. Apparently boyfriend walked it, greeted my Dad, sat down and started asking about the movie but did in a friendly way rather than an egotistical way."
"They hit it off immediately. My Dad didn’t even know at the time he was studying engineering (my Dad was an engineer). Both parents ended up liking him so much they told me if we ever got divorced, they would disown me and adopt him LOL. Actually, not sure that was a joke. Anyway, we are still married 28 years later."
Drachenfuer
Oh Daughter
"Not a dad, I’m the daughter. My dad had this conversation with me the other day, we were having wine and cheese before Christmas and he was getting a little sappy haha. We don’t often talk about serious things so it meant a ton. My dad said: You know, your mom and I are always watching."
"We’re watching how he helps you out of the car, how when you’re struggling with your bag he lends a hand. We see when you fall asleep on the couch how he scratches your head. We see him taking care of you and you taking care of him. My daughter you are a helper and a caretaker, it is so wonderful to see that the person you chose does that too."
"You’ve dated some selfish guys in the past and your mom and I saw those guys let you struggle and not lend a hand. We are so happy to see that you’ve found a partner."
waffleironone
Out in Oregon
"It was the one who asked for help.His parents are shit*y people. Mom smokes a lot of dope and I never seen her sober. I kicked the boy out MY house for his issues and told him to NEVER come back. Several month's later, in the early morning hours and a cold a freezing day, he knocked on my door."
"I opened it up and could see he left his home in a quick manner wearing nothing but pajamas and had a blanket around him. He said, 'I can't do my parents bulls**t anymore' I nodded for him to come in and pointed to a couch where he could sleep. There wasn't any word words spoken between us. He figured out his own bulls**t and moved to his sisters house out in Oregon. He became a respectable person."
"He at a disadvantage because his parents were sh**ty people, but he has earned enough redemption to borrow my tools, my truck, and my respect. My daughter decided he wasn't the right one for her and moved on. The kid and I are still good friends."
DukeBeekeepersKid
The First
In Love Reaction GIF by Searchlight PicturesGiphy"My daughter (23) is still with her first BF from high school. No other guys to compare him too but clearly they are making it work for 5+ years, so that's good."
wtbrift
Aw, sweet. So dads can like the suitors. It is possible.
Oh Sis...
Boyfriend Love GIF by Joe Budden NetworkGiphy"Not a dad, but my sister's best boyfriend stands out because he's a great guy and we all liked him, and she dumped him and married a dips**t that cheated on her. My sister has f**k-awful taste, you see."
hercarmstrong
Solid guy. Good man.
"Her most recent one with whom she ended things, when she moved across the country. He was considerably older, but I raised her to make good decisions for herself, so that wasn't an issue. He treated her like a lady, didn't infringe upon her freedom, supported her ambitions, and didn't impose upon her time."
"He even came to me asking if I would mind if he helped pay a specific part of her education when she was finishing her Masters degree. When they broke up, he still helped her move to Florida from OK, got her set up, and went home. Solid guy. Good man."
Cordero_Biggs
Shocked
"I remember my daughter's would bring some guy over for shock value. Ear gauges, tats and the such. I would always be sure to call the young man by his first name involve him in all conversations. I could see my daughters realize they wouldn't get the reaction they wanted."
"Couple days later i would ask when so and so is coming over again. They would shake their head and laugh. Both wound up with excellent partners that treat them great. One of them had ear gauges and tats so I guess the jokes on me, lol."
financeguyjohn4
Mr. Right Now
"The current one. Reason #1: He is very supportive of her. Her previous boyfriends, if I may make a generalization, tended to be good-looking posers and self-centered. The current one (and now fiancé) is the most unselfish, considerate booster of her and her ambitions."
redditslim
Not yet...
Love You Hug GIF by GIPHY Studios OriginalsGiphy"None of them have had one yet. I have to remember that I don’t have to live with this individual. They have to choose for themselves. As long as he is respectful and earns what he gets in life I’m at peace with their selection."
elcapitandongcopter
Make good love choices and it'll all be drama free. As if it was that easy.
But thanks for sharing dads.
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When families come together with the union of two people in love, the goal is for everyone to get along and have their days be filled with endless laughter and rainbows.
Is that too much to ask? Apparently, it is.
Personality clashes are inevitable and further complicated with in-laws having opposing political beliefs and objections to lifestyles.
But in order for there to be civility at family dinners, there must be reconciliations and comporomises.
Curious to hear about the experiences of strangers on the internet, Redditor RealityWanderer asked:
"Mother-In-Laws of Reddit, in the interest of fairness, what are your crazy daughter-in-law stories?"
Different Circumstances
Circumstances can be a factor distancing mothers from their DILs. These mothers had to contend with daughters-in-law who were drug addicts.
One DIL found another hobby, while another DIL committed an unimaginable crime.
Meth Addict
"When I first met her, she was a tweaker, she knew I knew and she hated me. Now she stays home and knits and crafts and I have not seen my grandson in 3 years. She still hates me."
A Tragic End
"We lived on the other side of the country from them so we didn't have many visits -- one or two a year. When we visited, all was well -- the house was clean, the kids were cared for, etc. She was fun to be around."
"However, once we left, life went back to 'normal' for my son and grandkids. She would say she was going to the store and would not come home for 2 to 4 days. She did drugs. She did not clean -- anything. My son traveled for business and when he was gone she had many different men in the house. He would come home to a trashed house, trashed car, trashed everything. She would put the kids to bed, then leave to party. She kept the two oldest kids home from school when he traveled -- she was too busy sleeping from partying all night to take them to school. As he was making plans to leave her and take the kids, she killed the youngest child and is now in jail awaiting trial. all of this came out after she died. I wish they had never met."
An Evil Twist
"My dil decided , after years of manipulating my son , to walk out on him and their two kids. A few hours later she changes her mind and bombards him with all kinds of crap for a week. And then she gains access to the house when he’s out and changes the locks causing him and their two young kids to be homeless. She sucks!"
– mysonisatwat
Personality Clashes
Although the Original Poster (OP) specifically asked for mothers to share stories concerning their daughters-in-law, other family perspectives were shared.
While some in-laws were willing to find common ground to improve strained relationships, these Redditors experienced situations where their in-laws could not be bothered..
Control Freak
"My sister experienced it when she lived with my SIL and brother."
"SIL had a very particular way of doing things. So she told my sister to not do anything because SIL had an order. Dishes? Nope, leave it in the sink. Cleaning? Nope, you're not doing it my way. So as my SIL said, my sister didnt touch any cleaning. Then SIL got upset my sister didnt clean. Made a power point presentation on everything my sister did wrong. These presentations would last a minimum of 20 minutes and up to an hour or so. My sister was confused because when she did help, she was told she was doing it wrong and SIL told her to stop. Now that she stopped, SIL is mad my sister isnt helping."
"My sister isnt dirty by any means, she knows how to clean up. It just wasnt being done the way SIL wanted it to be done. My sister had to sit through multiple presentations when she lived with them."
Like Oil And Water
"My MIL has a very rocky relationship with one of her Daughters in law. There are a few of us. This one time this particular DIL (with a rocky relationship) had started 'being nice' to our MIL by going to lunch with her and giving her advice on how to change annoying aspects of her personality. This lasted for a couple of months."
"Finally the DIL had an absolute rage session and started screaming at the MIL saying how she could no longer be part of this ruse and that all her attempts at being friendly and trying to changing the MIL's personality was pointless because the MIL was too stupid. To this day they don't get along and family gatherings are always super uncomfortable. This of course is from my POV so I can't say for certain what was actually going on in either of their heads, but there you have it."
– SiXleft7
"She Sucks"
"My dil decided , after years of manipulating my son , to walk out on him and their two kids. A few hours later she changes her mind and bombards him with all kinds of crap for a week. And then she gains access to the house when he's out and changes the locks causing him and their two young kids to be homeless. She sucks!"
The Last Straw
"My mother always tried with my ex SIL but she was a nutcase. XSIL and my brother were separated after she abandoned their son at the daycare center to run away and start a new life; my brother ended up with full custody of my nephew."
"The straw that broke the camel's back for my mom was when XSIL tried to kidnap my nephew and steal my brother's car during a visitation period (my mom was there to witness the whole thing) she didn't secure my nephew (2yo) into his seat and she crashed into a light pole in her haste - luckily nobody was hurt. My mother never forgave her for that and had to step in for my brother a few times during law proceedings to make sure that XSIL never got more than visitation rights. XSIL currently has every other weekend visitation and hasn't seen him in 5years but has 4 other children by all different fathers - trying to tie one down."
– skydivingfoxes2
A Different Perspective
After comments reflecting the point of view from mothers, daughter-in-laws weighed in with their experiences.
Unexpected Response
"DIL here. My husband and his mom have had a strained relationship due to politics the last few years, but a little over a year ago I got a DUI. It was a supreme f'k up on my part, and I take full responsibility. I made stupid choices. Hence the throwaway."
"Anyway, my husband gets the call that I'm getting arrested, and he chose in the moment to call his mom to help, versus my mom. My mom is super chill and a good woman in a crisis and was arguably the more pragmatic choice, but I think he just needed his mom, understandably."
"So he calls his mom to come watch our kid while he figures out bail and picking me up and all that. I'll never forget coming home at like 4 am feeling so embarrassed and overwhelmed and she was there, arms wide open to accept and comfort me. This diminutive church going Southern mama grabbed me and held my atheist, f'k up a** for what seemed like an eternity, but in a good way. Like all her natural mom energy was passing through me."
"We may not agree on most things, but I'll never forget how loved she made me feel at my lowest, without judgment or pretense. I hear horror stories about in-laws and I think how lucky I am."
"Edit: thanks everyone for the kind comments and awards! Please please please call an Uber or cab or friend before drinking and driving, even if you think you're ok. Make a plan before you go out. Believe me, you don't want to go through this."
"Surprisingly Supportive"
"My MIL surprised me in a similar way. She's a hardcore Fox News-watching conservative."
"My sister-in-law is married to a trans man, though he hadn't transitioned when they met or started their relationship. They never really officially started dating - just kind of went from friends to more than friends - and my SIL hadn't come out, so there were some vaguely homophobic comments/jokes from both MIL and FIL about their relationship at first, but they died down."
"I was really worried when we found out about brother-in-law's transition because I didn't know how MIL would react, but she was surprisingly supportive. She made an effort to use the right pronouns and name, and while it was a bit shaky at first (I was the only one able to consistently remember correct pronouns and name the first couple times we all got together), it's gone much better than I'd feared."
"Hard Taking Sides"
"For me, a MIL it's kind of a reverse heartbreak because I loved my DIL and we got on very well. She's from a semi-abusive background and at first had issues with drugs but dealt with that and became an excellent mother."
"Now they are separated, at her instigation, Son is devastated, and although I don't believe in taking sides it's hard to go past her decision to break up the family because that she has to 'find herself'. I'm just not coping as we had been a very close extended family."
"Not a matter of abuse, addiction, cheating, or even close."
Feeling "Suffocated"
"I was the sh**ty DIL, we married young and she would try to help a little too much. I would feel suffocated with her and felt like she was judging everything I did. 4-5 years later I realized she was just trying what she thought was best for us and we now have the best relationship."
Not all DIL stories are appalling.
Mischievous MIL
"Have to admit, I have the sweetest DIL. When they bought their new house, it has 5 bedrooms (for 2 people). I said good, now you have a room just for me to visit for an extended time. She was happy and asked when I thought I would get there? My son had to explain to her that I was kidding and would not be making an extended visit to their house."
– traveltoo7
Sweet Relationship
"I’d be the same way, I love my mother in law! She’s really sweet and funny. It makes me happy to see other in law stories like this."
– sinverguenza
Heartwarming Gesture
"My wife is the daughter my mom never had, and at our 3-year wedding anniversary, my mom gave her a trove of jade and gold jewelry that had been passed down from mother to daughter in my mother’s family since well before they left China to come to the West. It was all my wife and I could do to hold it together and not start bawling."
– WaluigiIsTheRealHero
Emotional Recollection
"This is so beautiful to hear. I've always thought I was 'weird' because my MIL got along so well she called me the daughter she never had."
"I LOVED my mil. God rest her soul."
"We only lost her a few months ago to motor neuron disease :( I'd give anything to have her back."
"Now I'm crying ;'("
– Banditkoala_2point0
Final Thought
It was found that mothers-in-law seemed to view the daughter-in-law more positively than vice versa.
Geoffrey Greif – a professor at the University of Maryland School of Social Work and co-author of In-law Relationships: Mothers, Daughters, Fathers, and Sons – told Today the mothers perspecitve was based on wishful thinking.
"You go into this relationship assuming the best and not assuming the worst — that's a form of wishful thinking," he said.
"I think that's a really good and positive thing. Mothers-in-law really want to make this work."
However, tensions arise when mothers interfere with parenting, as more than half of daughters-in-law did not share the same parental philosphies with their mothers-in-law.
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Bridal Party Calls It Quits After Bride Kicks Out Gay Bridesmaid Last Minute To Supposedly Appease Her Homophobic In-Laws
Weddings are stressful by nature.
Though they're beautiful occasions, they require tons of planning months in advance, forcing the bride and groom to make fast decisions.
In the midst of all the pressure, a bride or groom's true personality may reveal itself. Sometimes the results aren't the most pleasant.
In one bride's case, she was placed in the tough position of choosing between pleasing her future in-laws or standing up for her friends.
According to one of her friends—who was supposed to be one of the bridesmaids—the bride made the wrong choice.
The former bridesmaid, Reddit user "SoggyWealth0," shared her story on the "Am I the A$$hole" subReddit, asking if she was wrong to react in the way she did after hearing of the bride's decision.
The former bridesmaid shared:
"My friend Kelly is getting married next Saturday. She asked myself and 3 other friends to be her bridesmaid, her sister as MOH. One of our friend Ellis is in a same sex relationship. Kelly seems to have no issues with it since she asked Ellis to be her bridesmaid and invited Ellis' partner as a guest to the wedding."
"Well last night Kelly texted Ellis and told her she's no long a bridesmaid, she and her partner aren't welcome to the wedding. Ellis was confused and pressed for a reason. Turns out Kelly's FILs are furious "f**king gay sluts" are attending their wedding. It's a sacred place and dirty h*es have no business being there."
"Ellis calls me earlier this morning while my BF and I were sleeping. She was really upset and crying. I tried to comfort her the best I could and we are meeting up for dinner later. So I called Kelly and asked WTF is going on. She tells me it's no big deal, she's only missing a plate of food and she will make it up to her. She also has the nerve to tell me to ask Ellis to lend her the bridesmaid dress because she found someone to replace her. So it wouldn't look uneven at the wedding. It's such a hassle and last minute, if everyone would just be normal then this wouldn't happen. I pretty much lost it right there."
"I told her she's the s**ttiest piece of s**t I have ever met. She's just all into looks and I told her I am not going to the wedding either and hung up on her. My BF heard this all go down and texted the groom that's he's not going to be the best man either. My BF also told his friends about what happened and they are also not going to the wedding."
"The MOH calls me up and says I'm such a B***h that I ruined the wedding for Kelly and I'm just starting s**t up. I'm honestly glad I bowed out but I'm left wondering if I should've just kept to myself then confront Kelly after the wedding? Our tight group thinks i did nothing wrong but others said I shouldn't dictate who gets to go their wedding."
The former bridesmaid later updated her post on the subReddit page, stating that the situation wasn't all that it seemed to be.
It already would have been horrible if the bride chose her future in-law's preferences over defending her friend.
But as it turns out, the bride dramatically exaggerated what her future in-law's said. She chose to un-invite her friends from the wedding and remove her friend from the bridal party, on her own terms.
The former bridesmaid explained in the updated post:
"So yesterday was a huge s**t show. The groom, Eric came to the restaurant where we had dinner and apologized to Ellis. He also wanted to make a few things clear. He had no idea Kelly would go behind his back and tell Ellis and Anita (her partner) they aren't welcome to the wedding. And most importantly, his parents didn't say any of those things."
"His father made an off hand comment which translates to 'what's a good girl like Ellis doing with another woman?' His mother said 'children these days think different.' Kelly took it upon herself to interpret that her future-in-laws meant they hated homosexuals. FILs weren't furious and never said Ellis and Anita aren't welcome to the wedding. Kelly and a few of us speak that dialect fluently, there's no way she didn't understand exactly what Eric's parents said."
"The wedding is called off as Eric wants to step back and think if Kelly is the right match for him."
The former bridesmaid also explained that all of the bride's behavior may have come to light out of pure jealousy.
She continued in her update:
"Anita tells us Kelly has been very passive aggressive towards her and Ellis for the past few weeks. Anita said she thought it was the stress of the wedding so Kelly was acting up. I think it's also because Anita and Ellis are getting married at the end of the year."
"We live in a country where gay marriage is non existent. In fact if you are LGBTQ, you as a person don't exist. Ellis and Anita have talked about going to Canada or Taiwan to get their marriage license and holding a mini banquet back in our country. Someone suggested we all go to Taiwan for a mini vacation and they can have a small wedding there."
"We have been talking non stop about this for the past month. Tbh we were talking about the vacation rather than the wedding since it's the first time most of us have traveled there. Kelly is probably jealous that Ellis upstaged her."
"Either way, Ellis and I feel incredibly guilty for how it all went down. We've known Kelly for over a decade and we don't want to see her go down in flames. It's a pity that a friendship had to end this way over a single day."
The response from the Reddit community was a unanimous "no," that the former bridesmaid was not being a jerk for choosing to step out of the bridal party in favor of supporting her friend.
They were quick to point out that her friends, Ellis and Anita, being a part of the LGBTQ+ community, already don't have enough support. By taking a stand and stepping out of the wedding, she showed unconditional love and support for her friends and their unfair removal from the wedding celebration.
Not to mention the bride's decision to use her future in-laws as a cover story for a decision she was making alone; lying and putting words in someone else's mouth is never a good look.
"NTA. Go you for sticking up for your friend. And your bf too. And your friends are ah for saying you're dictating who can and can't go, people make up their own minds about that and you are all right to not go." - flagg6805
"Thank you thank you thank you!! As a gay person this means so much to me. News flash! if you're dating someone/marrying someone who's homophobic that still makes you the a$hole. I'm so happy these people immediately shut that s**t down. It's not always a homophobic bashing that people are most worried about when it comes to homophobia. It's this type. The 'I need to be accommodating for people who 'don't believe in homos'' type."
"I get the s**t beat out of me. At least I know it's cause the person was a d**k. This girl is now just showing her true colors. When it gets right down to it, she'd rather side with the homophobes than her own friend. That's betrayal and almost worse. She's essentially endorsing her in laws beliefs." - majorminor51
"Agree 100% You are perfectly modeling what to do when presented with evidence that someone in your life is an unrepentant bigot. Not only are you NTA - you did good!" - VaalbarianMan
"Add to that, her statement ((if everyone would just be normal then this wouldn't happen)) Says it all. You do not say something like that if you truly accept your friends for who they are." - Kittinlily
It's too soon to tell what will happen with Eric and Kelly's relationship, but clearly they have some things to work out before they move forward. Including, but certainly not limited to, inviting almost an entirely new wedding party.