Redditor EveningAd3633 wanted to hear about all the reasons to abstain or let loose, so they asked:
"Do you think that waiting until you are married for sex is a good idea? Why or why not?"
Redditors from around the globe wanted to share their experiences.
No Touching
"I know a couple who are waiting until marriage. They both agree on it and are fine with it. But they have ridiculously over the top tickle fights. - _- It makes me so uncomfortable to witness. I'd almost rather see them bang in front of me. It's band camp levels of tension that just won't ever go away."
rlev97
Do we Fit?
"No. We waited and we were not compatible… eventually, he cheated and we got divorced. Also, being compatible sexually is not a reason to get married either."
Whatwhyohhh
"I don’t understand how people don’t get this. It’s the same as any other aspect of marriage—if you aren’t compatible, you shouldn’t get married. It would be like dating someone, and the entire time you’re both blindfolded."
"Then after you’re married you can FINALLY take your blindfold off only to find out your partner looks like someone set their face on fire and put it out with a pick axe. Every aspect of compatibility is important in a marriage."
"Yes, you both change and evolve but if you’re not both 100% committed to weathering these changes and adapting as a couple, then your marriage will probably not be a happy one!"
ThrowRA--scootscooti
All Aspects
"Personally, I think it's good to wait a while before having sex with someone to actually know them, but I wouldn't wait to be married... I think you should know the person that you are marrying on all aspect."
reidjanie
"WELL SAID - and just to take on so many of the other opinions on this thread, it is NOT a good idea to wait until after marriage. It’s not 'fine if you want' it’s actively a terrible idea IF you care about having a sex life. Hoping it will work out through sheer luck? Idiotic."
frecklie
Things Change
"No. Not saying you should f**k everyone that propositions you but you should make sure you are compatible with someone before marrying them. Too many people find out too late they can't stand someone's actual personality. Things change after sex, people calm down and get real, they stop being on their best behavior. Get to know the real person before you marry an intolerable a**hole."
Sithlord_unknownhost
Stay Calm
Relaxing Chill Out GIF by Talk StoopGiphy"If you want to wait, go for it. But don’t set yourself up for waiting until marriage, and then rush the marriage part just to get to the sex."
1107rwf
"Kid I work with is 24. Just got married. Did the deed. Now has a kid on the way. All within 3-4 months of meeting his wife at church. Great kid. But you can see it in his face already. The guy is STRESSED."
PostRdMalone
Roulette
tv land casino GIF by Lopez on TV LandGiphy"Paraphrasing Lewis Black: If you wait until marriage to have sex, then you are a gambler on a level I can't even freaking imagine."
Zerotan
Don’t judge...
"I would say it’s not about waiting until you are married but waiting until it is right for both of you. That’s the key point that a lot of people get wrong. They get to it for reasons other than it being right or feeling right."
"So if your belief is that you should have committed to a marriage, then that is what is going to feel right for you. It could also be that within hours (or even minutes) you can feel that it is right for you. Don’t judge the duration, judge the feeling that you have."
Icanicoke
Cause and Effect
"I’ve heard horror stories of marriages being destroyed because it wasn’t until after wedlock that they discovered their sex drives were entirely different. It causes depression, it causes divorce, and in some extreme cases, it pushes people to cheat. I just don’t think it’s worth it to wait when it could potentially make or break a relationship."
Hiding_In_The_Back
He was right...
"My step dad always told me, 'You might like the pair of jeans you have, but there's always a chance you'll find a pair that fits you better.' He was right. There was no shame in having sex before marriage, and he also taught me that as a female, it is perfectly OK to buy and have the condoms. It's also ok to reject a guy if he doesn't want to be safe. Your body is worth more than his sexual pleasure."
nivsei15
More than talk...
Heart GIF by BuzzFeedGiphy"No. Unless you're both asexual, sexual compatibility is an important part of a relationship, and that's not something you can determine just through conversation."
Deaf_Witch
"Sexual compatibility is important for asexual people too, as in having a similar lack of interest in it."
DescipleOfCorn
Thanks to these Redditors for opening up and sharing on such an important topic.
Some really valid points were made about communication, expectation, and compatibility.
Do you have any thoughts to share? Let us know in the comments below.
I give no creepy people a chance. I barely give anybody a chance.
“hi, I miss you”
"Guy had serious untreated mental health problems, which resulted in him spending four years stalking me and making me resent giving that one chance. I made multiple calls to police and paramedics because he would call me up threatening suicide unless I would help him. He still finds me on social medias and random gaming apps to say 'hi, I miss you' but I now live more than 1000km away."
WittyMathematician1
“good guy”
"I had a bad vibe but my friend told me he was a 'good guy.' So we went on a date and he asked to drive my car. He curbed my rims and talked about how he was fired unfairly from his job. The next weekend I avoided his calls and instead went out to dinner with friends. While I was gone, he broke into my apartment. My neighbors and the cops were waiting outside when I got home."
"I spent the night at my moms, he showed up at 0300 when the my let him out and was trying to get in a window. Wonderful officer spent the rest of the night in the driveway. Fast forward a couple weeks and he shows up at my work, mopes over to me and hands me folded papers."
"It was 8-10 handwritten front and back notebook papers where he alternated between telling me I was the love of his life to why he hated me and wished I would die. I was terrified, security escorted him away. Never saw him again but found out later he did the same thing to some girl in Spokane but he was able to actually get in, beat her and landed her in the hospital."
"The friend was dating my best-friend and the 'good guy' was his cousin. I think he really wanted us to hit it off so the 4 of us could all hang out together or something?? He was shocked by the actions of his cousin but did tell me later that he had 'thought he changed.' They’re not longer dating and haven’t talked to him in years and years! This happened 20 years ago in the PNW."
TuesdayWednesdayMe
"check in"
"Met him when I worked as a cashier in a small downtown shop. Wasn't my type and seemed a little off, but I was young and had zero real dating experience. Agreed to grab coffee as a friend and made it clear I didn't have a romantic interest. He became convinced he was Gatsby and I was his Daisy (the Great Gatsby film had just come out that year). Started stalking me and endlessly sending letters and gifts to me at work describing how we were fated to be together."
"When I confronted him to stop, he started having his friends follow me at work or drop by to 'check in' on me. Prowled outside on nights I had to close shop alone. I ended up quitting that job and things fizzled. Seven months later I got a call from a number I didn't recognize."
"It was the same dude -- he just got released from a short prison sentence and was letting me know he thought of me every day and was going to find me so we could finally be together. I made up a story that I was travelling abroad for college and would be gone indefinitely. Changed my number and luckily haven't heard from him again!"
justascrolling
Maybe just shy?
"Back in High School several of my female friends and I (also female) had an off period before lunch, so we were all sitting around a table chatting. One of the female security guards came up to us and told me that there was a new exchange student from Amsterdam that thought I was cute, but he was too nervous to come over and introduce himself."
"I have zero interest in men, but I figured there wasn't any harm in letting the guy come sit with us and helping him feel more comfortable at our school. So he comes over, sits down with us, and chats a bit. He seemed rather shy, and he had about a dozen piercings going up each arm that he kept fiddling with (and a bunch of facial piercings). Then class lets out and people, including a bunch of my male friends, start showing up for lunch."
"First male friend sits down and introduces himself. New guy doesn't not respond AT ALL, doesn't even look at friend. Weird. Maybe just shy? Second male friend comes and sits down. Same thing. Slightly unsettling now. We kept trying to include him over lunch but he would ONLY respond to the women."
"Wouldn't even acknowledge the other guys at the table. I never talked to him again after that lunch period and two weeks later he got expelled for slamming a girl against a locker and choking her to the point she nearly passed out."
Katy-L-Wood
Sorry Bud
"Did one video chat with him during which he asked if he could (video) call me again later in the day. When I told him 'no I’ll be busy.' I started getting random text messages throughout my day that said 'are you okay? Just let me know you’re okay.'"
"The first I responded to, I said 'hey — yeah, I’m fine. I just hung up with you 30 minutes ago bud.' He took that as a sign that I wanted to talk more so he attempted another video call. When I didn’t respond, he started again with the texts. Didn’t even bother responding to the rest. Up to 20 unread messages later before I was able to block him while leaving him on read."
Wazoo53
This is nonsense. Why can't people just be a little sane?
Different People
"Knew he was weird before the first date. I was sad and thought maybe he’d be different in person. Showed up to the date and he walked with a crazy limp, wouldn’t pay for dinner, tried to kiss me 3 times. When I got home that night he sent me a full body nude completely out of the blue. I never saw him again. He texted me 3 months later to tell me I was the worst human and most selfish person he’s ever met. And then he blocked me."
pamshmam
That Guy
"Reading this I realized I actually have something to contribute lol. I gave him a chance in high school I was 15 he was 18. Ended with him sticking his tongue down my throat several times quite aggressively, joking about stabbing me as he lunged a knife at me and laughed about it while carving pumpkins got suspended and no one ever saw him again. Update: My friends and I found out he's now in the military."
powerhouseofthiscell
“broke his heart”
"He stalked me. He made videos of himself crying because I 'broke his heart' after him knowing me for a month. He told everyone I was just a fat wh*re who used men (I didn’t take anything from him or have sex with him.) I gave him a whole month and every time I would hang out he would keep me up until 3am crying that I didn’t love him. It was bad."
ayyoowhatevr
In the Dark
"I bought him a coffee one time and we chatted about our music tastes. Three days later, I was sitting in my dorm and I got a text from him that was just a selfie. I sent one back and the conversation got really boring so I sent him a snap of a black screen. He responded, 'are you in a dark place?' And I said 'yeah lol.'"
"His response was 'well you’ll have to leave soon because you have class in (insert building with insert professor) at 6:00.' I literally never told him anything about my classes so he just freaking stalked me until he learned my entire schedule. It turns out he was a serial creep preying on freshman girls."
Crazybish123
Colors
Watching Chicago Pd GIF by One ChicagoGiphy"On our first date, he told me he loved me and that he would let me pick out the color of our house. The rest of the evening was super awkward. I never talked to him again."
willingtoeatsushi
Guys are crazy. Stay single. That is all.
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