Even in this supposedly progressive modern age, far too many men feel self-conscious about the natural act of crying.
Feeling that it's not a manly thing to do, even though many would argue that it takes a real man not to be afraid to tear up publicly.
Of course, even the most unabashedly masculine men don't have complete control over their emotions and find their eyes watering unexpectedly every now and then.
Sometimes giving in to grief, sometimes overcome with joy, and sometimes simply owing to a corny commercial for coffee.
Sometimes this happens when nobody's around. Other men aren't so lucky.
"Men of Reddit, when did you last cry and why?"
Genuine Fear For Their Family
"Crying in my car right now."
"My wife has cancer."
"It scares me to death."
"I have to be brave at home."
"My car has become my place to escape to cry and release my fear and sorrow."- shmozzfinish
"At the hospital with my 2-year-old daughter."
"She just had a seizure in the waiting room."
"I felt so lost and useless."
"But it cut the wait time down to seconds!"- garsk05
Grief
"Few weeks ago."
"Friend died."
"Cried myself to sleep for a few nights."- PizzaPoopF**k
Funerals
"3 years ago."
"In my fathers funeral."- JOVA1982
Pets Passing
"January 4th."
"On January 1st, I got a message from my dad that the family dog had a stroke and passed away in the front yard."
"During the time before I stood at his grave just before I left to head back to my home, I just didn’t cry. I was questioning why I wasn’t."
"Then, standing at his grave, just a rush of emotions came in and just sobbed my heart out, then got in the car with my girlfriend and had to drive home."
"His name was Snitchel, and he was a good 14-year-old pupper."
"I’m 21, so he was a part of my life for about 70% of it."
"Was hard to say goodbye, especially because I wasn’t able to see him on Christmas because I got Covid, and I didn’t get to see him open his Christmas gifts like he usually does, during Christmas and in general during his final days."- ASexyCow0090
Spousal Loss
"My wife died."- Pitbull60usa
It's Been So Long, They Wish It Would Happen.
"I don't remember."
"I feel so sad and lonely sometimes but I still can't cry."
"I wish I could cry like a kid again."- spootex
Too Much All At Once
"About 2 yeats ago, was dealing with a lot of work an personal sh*t."
"Was at my limit of sh*t I can handle."
"I get a phone call that a childhood friend that I've known since we were 4 died in a car accident."- Mechanic_Me_Harder
"A few days ago."
"Broke down due to stress over everyday things."- einarn
Caught By Surprise
"Last night, just thinking about my mum."- TheH1dden1
Songs
"Last night, I heard 'Follow You To Virgie' by Tyler Childers for the first time, and memories of my mom hit me like a freight train."
"She’s been gone for 28 years now but when you least expect it the waterworks can come out of nowhere."
"Felt good if I’m honest."- GhostRN
Along With Many Others, No Doubt
"The Last of Us episode 3."- brucek951
A Broken Heart
"Tonight."
"My best friend told me that I don't make her happy, and that she doesn't want me in her life anymore."
"I'm in love with her."- helenemayer
Unbridled Joy
"Last night sent my girlfriend the basic Good night message."
"She replied back with 'I love you'."
"Sat there and started crying over the fact that she is the most important person in my life and that I'm so lucky that this woman loves me."- raskoe47
Post Traumatic Stress
"Two weeks ago."
"When it really hit me how much I let my managers abuse me."
"I quit a few days later and I start my new job on the 27th."- Karnezar
While Peter Allen may have encouraged us not to "cry out loud," to "keep it inside" and "learn how to hide [our] feelings," sometimes letting out a good cry proves to be just the therapy we need.
For what it's worth when Liza Minelli (coincidentally or not, Allen's ex-wife) covered the song, she altered it to exactly the opposite message.
When in doubt, go with Liza.
People Share Which Inanimate Objects Actually Get Their Sincere Sympathy
I admit, I love my stuffed animals. They're the best.
Some of them have been with me for years and I have them proudly displayed in different spots around my apartment. And when I've packed them for a move, I've done so with all the tender loving care I can muster.
What is it about them that stirs up these feelings?
Believe it or not, it's quite possible to form emotional attachments to inanimate objects!
People told us all about their own feelings after Redditor MoneySquare5734 asked the online community:
"People of Reddit, what weird sympathies do you have towards inanimate objects?"
"Like dude..."
"Computers when someone's throwing a fit or tantrum over something like a game lag, buffering or general software issues. Like dude, get angry at the real cause not the hardware thats essentially just the messenger."
Geotre
We really mistreat our hardware sometimes, don't we? Going to apologize to my computer now.
"I think we're okay now..."
"I once slapped my iPad when it was being slow, then instinctively hugged it and apologised afterwards. I think we’re okay now but the level of trust definitely isn’t what it used to be."
KailTheDryad
Serves you right! You have a lot to make up for!
"I have way too much emotion..."
"I have way too much emotion invested in my Roomba. Especially as I only have one charging station, so when it's running in my living room/hallway, it can never get back to base as there's a step in the way."
"Usually feel guilty when I come home and find it stuck in some corner, knowing that it literally ran until exhaustion trying to find its home."
SaltyAd8451
I do not have a Roomba but my friend has one and I think he has the opposite reaction. I think he mistreats his!
"All my dollar bills..."
"All my dollar bills need to face up in my wallet, otherwise I get the feeling those Georges and Lincolns are uncomfortable."
phildendrin
I think I do this too. I did not ask to be attacked like this.
"If I see..."
"If I see a really ugly plush toy at a thrift store, I feel compelled to buy it because I feel like it will just get thrown away. So now I have quite a few ugly plushies. I love them."
MissReanimator
Aww, they now have a home with you and they must be so happy!
"I guess in general..."
"Abandoned toys. I guess in general I just feel so bad for any inanimate object that is no longer serving its purpose."
NeedsMoreTuba
How many toys end up in the dump each year, I wonder? And how many of them are plotting their revenge as we speak?
"So I transferred everything..."
"I got a new cellphone not too long ago. So I transfered everything to my new phone but I didn't turn off the old phone afterward."
"This happened late on a Sunday and the next morning my old phone still rang to wake me up and I was somewhat sad that it still thought it was my current phone and that it still had the duty to wake me in the morning."
PandaDerZwote
The feelings this stirred up... I did not know it was possible to feel this way!
"I am very appreciative..."
"Sometimes I give my car a pat on the dashboard and say thank you. It has carried me so many thousands of miles and i am safe. I am very appreciative of its hard work."
Deaxsa
Aww. I don't have a car, but I get this! And your car appreciates YOU!
"When I was a kid..."
"When I was a kid I spent a whole afternoon feeding pebbles to a small drain outside my house because I thought it was hungry."
juseda11
Okay, this is cute – and totally something a little kid would do!
"There's a thing I call..."
"There’s a thing I call 'mechanical empathy.' If you emotionally attach to your bike or car you’ll be kinder and more gentle to it."
"Some people are really rough on cars and other machinery, it’s painful to drive with them."
fractiousrhubarb
I was in a car recently with a driver who got a bad case of road rage and just slammed her hands on the dashboard whenever she was upset. That poor car!
Who knew we could feel so attached to the inanimate objects around us? Humans are fascinating creatures. We're capable of a lot of love and empathy, even for the smallest things.
Have some opinions of your own? Feel free to tell us more in the comments below!
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We all know how bad masculinity has impacted women throughout history. But there are plenty of aspects of masculinity that also hurt men too.
Simply put, men, on average, don't feel open to express vulnerability. They feel they have to keep it all inside, or their social world doesn't indicate that it'll accept it when they do.
So the anonymity of the internet can offer a unique opportunity to men. They can share the vulnerable emotions and feelings they often don't get the chance to.
Of course, we know that can take a problematic turn quickly (incels). But a recent Reddit thread showed a more positive, supportive environment.
Redditor __Dawn__Amber__ asked:
"What do men want that they will never admit out loud?"
Many men discussed their social needs. Like all human beings, men just want to be listened to.
Little Things
"Someone to encourage them and make them feel important" -- MR_DINO5AUR
"My wife told me yesterday that she was proud of me and I gave her the biggest, hardest hug I have given her for that, because I really needed to hear that!" -- erobed2
A Basic Necessity
"Just came out of a panic attack and have some new insight that I normally don't have."
"Besides the typical food/water/shelter stuff, companionship/someone to talk to/someone who cares and some sort of purpose."
"I also generally have a hard time accepting help because I don't want to be a burden, but I always want to offer help because I see that as why I am here, to help others. But I guess I need to view accepting help as also helping, because everyone needs the opportunity to help others, so sometimes in order to help I need to play the role of receiving help."
"This got way deeper than I intended, sorry."
-- Lougehrig10
Talk to Each Other
"To be heard."
"Dude, there are moments where I just want to talk...about how the world feels so small, how insecure I feel about myself and my future, how I want to spend a day with a few friends and not think of my shi**y car, how I feel useless, to talk about how I bottle everything in my throat and 'get it out' with a silent scream."
"I have talked about this with a few people, but the constant feeling of failing and not truly speak about it is horrible. My haunting thoughts that one day I will 60 and my dreams will be long gone without being fullfilled."
That Whole, Spiritual Love
"Love, I don't mean relationship love. I mean genuine human love. I don't need money or a 5 course meal, no, just love from a human"
Other men talked about touch. They want warm, comfortable touch. The media illustration of men as harsh, standalone figures couldn't be further from the truth.
Coddling
"I just want to be held like a fu**ing child sometimes. I'm a pretty big guy and I don't really show too much emotion (how I was raised) but sometimes I just wanna be little spoon and cry without being judged for it. I want people to know I'm depressed and not make fun of me for it."
"Sometimes the only way I can imagine life is just "cold" I might have friends etc. but nobody that I can truly talk to. And it sucks. I'm not just some horny breadwinner. I'm a human, I want to be loved, and cared for, as me, not the facade I put around myself."
-- MellowedHigh
Simple Request
"A hug. Just a hug" -- mr-dani
"Yeah, came here to say almost the exact same thing. Men have been trained to not admit that they crave affection, love, etc. (among people my age, I've found)" -- facelesscog
In So Many Words
"To be the little spoon" -- Jaso1555
"I believe that can be easily achieved by simply asking her to be the jetpack. That way, I'm not asking to be the little spoon, I am Rocketman." -- lee24k
And other men discussed the total inverse: they wanted a slice of time to just be themselves with nobody else around.
Time and Space
"I just want a break man" -- Cubsfan630
"The word 'hustle' makes me angry." -- Pigvalve
"Yea man. Every now and then I just want a weekend with the house to myself to play video games and watch movies all day with no responsibilities. Easier said then done as a homeowner with a wife and baby. There's always something that needs to be done." -- Misdirected_Colors
Recharging
"Alone time" -- ourcityofdreams
"Alone time, without the guilt of hurting someone's feelings." -- joeschmoe86
"My girlfriend understands that I need alone time so like twice a week after work or an a weekend day, she'd just leave me alone except maybe ask me where something is or what food I would like. I'm very happy she understands." -- DankMeowMeowMix
Inaccessible Comfort
"A bubble bath." -- BlazinPhoenix
"I don't fit into a regular bath tub due to my height. I'd absolutely love a bubble bath." -- hryfrcnsnnts
Hopefully, this thread was a first step in these guys moving toward more vulnerability in real life.
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A recent Reddit thread shed some light on the overwhelming benefits of being single.
Sure, finding a soulmate is wonderful; there are few things greater than true, generative love with another person. But let's face it, that's not always what a relationship actually looks like.
Rather, many relationships are fraught with stress, communication breakdowns, and reciprocal guilt. That can be a lot to carry.
And then there are the logistics. Having a partner means scheduling, pooling resources, and delegating emotions.
Some solo Redditors weighed in to celebrate their current individual status.
lifeasaten asked, "What is a reason you are glad to be single?"
A Mind At Ease
"On a day to day basis, I struggle less with feelings of guilt."
"There are things one misses out on by not being in a relationship, but not beating yourself up over a snappish reply or a thoughtless gesture towards someone you care about are not among them."
-- Kipsydaisy
Becoming Present
"I'm not a huge fan of the single life but in the past when I've been in a relationship, I always felt like I needed to check my phone 24/7."
"I like being able to just chill and play video games, watch a movie, hang with friends without checking my phone consistently."
-- RealECW
One Thing at a Time
"I'm learning to navigate the world through the lens of my own needs and desires without worrying how I'm being perceived by a partner."
"I do not believe I will be a good person to be in a relationship until I can do that- so I'm happy to struggle with it."
"Also I really love dancing poorly to LCD sound system while my dog watches with fear and judgement in his eyes. Not that I couldn't do that before... it's just so free to do it in my own apartment alone."
Be Sure to Be Ready
"A lot of people I know who've ruined their lives did so over a lover."
"Whether trying to get one, keep them, or fighting someone else over them, relationships can be very dangerous if you're too emotionally immature."
Tis the Season for Stress
"Christmas is coming and I have no stress and it's not expensive" -- YourWifeNdKids
"Agreed. On top of loving that I can live alone, I just bought a house that needs furnished. So aside from the parents/siblings secret Santa, my money is mine to buy what I need and also share what I don't for a good cause."
"Donating to my local animal shelter this year." -- Kharyian
Plenty to Like
"I'm naturally very empathetic and a people pleaser. It's a part of my brain that goes into hyperdrive when I'm with someone I like. It's not even conscious most of the time, but it can be exhausting."
"It's nice that my brain can turn that part off when I'm alone."
"Also I can wake up and go to sleep at any time I want without messing up my SO's sleeping patterns. And middle of the bed!"
"And not needing to check in with his plans."
Pragmatic Gains
"I can sleep in the middle of the bed with the fan on if I want. I can also leave something on the table and come back two weeks later and it is still there." -- GoatSculpture
"Conversely, I can clean off a table and two hours later it's still clean." -- my_meat_is_grass_fed
"Midnight flatulence without a care." -- MeanMrMaxwell
The Un-Obligated Social Life
"No longer being forced to hangout with their friends." -- Rude_Attorney_9428
"Especially when the friends are one-dimensional pretentious turnips" -- goldenloxe
"In a relationship and the worst is having to meet their friends boyfriends. Absolute lottery of whether they're going to be boring or weird and you're stuck with them for hours." -- bwfcphil1
What You Need, When You Need To
"I visited a friend in Nashville back at the beginning of the year. I'd been there for all of four hours when this little voice in my head went, 'You belong here.' So I'm moving there next summer."
"Probably wouldn't be able to do that if I wasn't single."
-- EllieD0113
A Clearer Mind to Work With
"I'm glad to be single because I'm learning self-love peacefully. Being in a relationship while working on my self-worth definitely helps open parts of me that need work but also causes a lot of stress."
"Healing isn't easy but I'd rather do it where I don't have extra obstacles!"
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Guys Who Don't Usually Open Up About Feelings Confess What's Really Troubling Them
Toxic masculinity is justifiably villainized. It is so often the cause of physical abuse against women, problematic behavior in the workplace, powerful men refusing to listen, and a general culture of patriarchal aggression.
Less commonly discussed--but also extremely troublesome--is the way that toxic masculinity actually victimizes the men who perpetrate it.
Too many men do not feel they can safely discuss their internal feelings without losing power, standing, or reputation.
A recent Reddit post aimed to change that in its own small way. Men, empowered by the mask of internet anonymity, were asked to share their biggest difficulties.
BenTennyson2101 asked, "Men of reddit, who are unable to share their emotions with anyone, what would you like to share?"
Left Isolated
"Only one of my friends ever contacts me unprompted, whether it is via text or a quick drop by. I would never hear from the others again if I didn't message or call them first."
"This isn't as bad as some of the others here but it has been bothering me for a long while."
An Unsustainable Act
"I'm tired of pretending everything is going well. I lost all motivation and drive to do well in life. I keep telling myself it will get better but nothing is going right."
"I just want a hug from someone who really cares about me and tell me everything will be okay. I want to drop out of school so badly to recover but that's not possible. :("
Physical Affection that Feels Inaccessible
"I really want a hug. I haven't been hugged in so long. It would be nice I think." -- Saaacy-K
"i actually sat and thought about it yesterday and i haven't had physical contact with another human (other than perhaps brushing a hand from someone handing me change or rubbing shoulders in the street) for around 3 years" -- Goibhniu_
Looming Things
"I act indifferent and have things under control but in reality I'm terrified of the future. I think about 100 what-if scenario a day. I don't like to talk about myself Cuz I feel like I'm not interesting or people don't care about what I have to say about my life."
"Thank God I have good friends but those things not even them I can share with."
-- Fahad97azawi
A Delicate Ordeal
"My wife is currently having an emotional affair with a coworker, and shows no remorse. Her family and friends seem to support her. I had some serious anxiety about a year ago for a handful of months, and my wife found someone else during that time."
"My whole world is destroyed. I feel like a loser, I'm too embarrassed to admit it to my friends, and I don't know how I can continue on."
"She starts individual counseling tomorrow, and all I can hope is that she at least realizes how hurtful she has been."
"I can't imagine being with anyone else, but having your wife tell you that she thinks she may be happier with another man just sucks all of your self worth out of you."
Bad Experiences
"I distance myself from everyone in my life emotionally because the feeling of being vulnerable and truly opening up to people scares the sh** out of me."
"It always seems to come back to bite me in the a** when I leak a little bit too much information because I just want to be alone and forget about everything."
"I wish I could live alone and have very little interactions with everyone, it's always so draining to be around people day in day out with little alone time."
-- rngsofsatrn
Struggling With Step One
"I don't want to accept the fact that I'm depressed because if I do then it'll be harder for me to overcome it" -- plocjohn
Just To Be Affirmed
"Give us a pat on the back and ask us how we're doing every now and then, as small as it may seem it can mean the world to some." -- JustLeeGuy
"I think society has just accepted the archetype of the silent unsharing male. It doesn't occur to them that we have feelings until we share. It's a vicious cycle." -- TheRealXiaphas
Don't Know Where to Start
"It's one of those things where you don't know what is wrong with you" -- completeuttera**face
"I'm really hoping therapy will help with this." -- plsacceptmythrowaway
"As a woman, I can't tell you how much it helps to talk things out. Even when you have no idea what to say, just talking about your feelings and having them heard is half the therapy."
"I feel sorry that men have been conditioned to keep their emotions hidden. It's such a sad and lonely way to be. I hope more men feel comfortable talking about their feelings every day." -- KetordinaryDay
Slipping Out of View
"I'm super lonely. I work 50-60 hour weeks because I can't stand to be alone in my empty house."
"Every attempt I've made at a relationship has failed and I'm starting to think I will never find love that goes both ways. My last 'relationship' ended when I found out I was the side guy."
"I don't have any close friends because I can't trust anyone anymore. Every person I try to open up to ends up using it against me in some way. I'm emotionally broken and don't know how to make connections anymore."
Sometimes Awkwardness is Truly Painful
"That I love my parents but I feel super shy telling them "I love you". That's all." -- umotex12
"I'm not a man but I feel the same way. I'm 21 and my parents are getting on a little bit now. I want them to know how much I love them, but I can't bear the awkwardness of actually saying it because we're not an affectionate family."
"They would think I was dying or something if I just said it out of the blue." -- lizdogga
Mourning At Your Own Pace
"I cry every morning and every night because I miss my step dad so much."
"I cry because I took him for granted and never realized how much I loved him and how happy he made me and how I'll never be able to tell him all these things."
"My mother and sister don't understand my feelings and my brothers make fun of me and bully me saying that at least I had a dad. My friends don't get it either as they've never had this kinda of hurt."
-- TheNerd669
Utter Apathy
"I feel nothing in life, I'm just drifting through each day at the moment - my biggest downfall is that I'm able to convince everyone that I'm fine and act like one of those people everyone assumes is happy, because I'm afraid to talk and feel like a downer to everyone around me."
"I have kids that are amazing and genuinely keep me going, but I hate everything else, I hate my job but it enables me to not do very much and stay at home, and I know I'd hate any job so I have no idea what to do..."
"...I feel like even if I won the lottery I'd just go 'oh cool' because who even cares"
-- crambopolish
Trouble Accessing the Internal
"I don't even know how to reach out to my emotions except in extreme cases. I refuse to be vulnerable even in front of my partners and I'm unable to understand why."
"This was partly why my relationships have all been utter failures."
"I don't think I'll ever be able feel love."
Misunderstood Affection
"I thought I made a good friend. He said he was a hugger and touched me a bunch of times. I touched his back some. He thanked me."
"Then two days later said it was creepy and I couldn't come over anymore."
"Then I made a new xbox friend. Super clingy. Then he got mad at me for some small thing said to a friend and said rude stuff and blocked me on everything."
"I need hugs, touch, loyal guy friends, and not to act like I'm trying to get with you for wanting it."
-- SillyGayBoy
The Rule of Sixes
"... I feel invisible, because I don't have the 6 figure job, 6 pack, I'm not 6 feet tall, and I don't have a phallus longer than 6 inches."
"I haven't contributed anything significant to society and probably never will. I'm one of the ones that will be forgotten. No legacy."
-- joeyswoley
Withdrawing Inward
"My eating disorder has gotten bad again. I'm extremely lonely and isolated. I've lost friends just by being 'independent and confident' and not texting and call first so now I'm nearly alone."
"I'm petrified about the future with a million paths and no direction, and I'm so stressed that I can't get a good pathway started."
"I'm terrified of dating because I still feel extremely insecure about my body. Tonight my first day off in while I woke up jerked off, binge ate junk food threw it up and started drinking and now I'm on reddit so yeah."
"I'm so depressed and anxious I don't know why."
The Desire to Dissolve
"I want to be free. I want to be free from nations, systems, norms, and ages. I hate feeling and thinking."
"This is a really beautiful planet but a really sad world."
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/