Dad Finds Map That His Teen Daughter Is 'Working On', And Some Of The New Additions Are Hilariously Alarming
The children are our future, as they say.
And in some cases, they're up to some truly absurdist genius.
Case in point: NBC Sports writer Craig Calcaterra's 16-year-old daughter Anna.
Calcaterra recently discovered his daughter is either a skilled comedian, a mad genius, or maybe both—and will definitely be taking over the world one day. She's been working on a map that fundamentally reshapes the Western hemisphere, triggers multiple wars and also gives us a second Ohio, and it is... well, it's something.
As Calcaterra relayed on Twitter, it all began with the simplest of parental questions: "Got any homework?"
Last night: Me: Got any homework? Anna: Nah. Me: Whatcha gonna do? Anna: Have a map I’m working on. Just fou… https://t.co/AlJcfy8adc— Craig Calcaterra (@Craig Calcaterra) 1581516405.0
Just your average map, just a fun doodle from a teenager's sketchbook.
Until you look closer and do the reading...
Honestly, it's hard to discern whether Calcaterra's daughter needs to be stopped because she's using her genius for evil, or if she's the leader we've all been waiting for. Who's to say?
Because a lot of her proposals seem totally reasonable.
Like combining Vermont and New Hampshire just makes sense. So does melding the Dakotas.
And swapping the Virginias seems fair.
West Virginia's been in Virginia's shadow all this time, so why not switch it around and let West Virginia have a chance to shine?
And letting Florida secede, well... we can probably all get behind that.
It's already its own world in practice anyway.
But increasing the size of both Texas and Idaho—such that it takes over not just the middle of the US but a huge swath of Canada too? By unanimous vote‽‽
And not just because Oklahoma loses its cute panhandle in the process.
And this whole Long Chile thing is... it's just...
And A SECOND OHIO?
We have enough on our hands with the first one.
Anyway, as you might expect, folks on Twitter had lots to say about Anna's new world order.
@craigcalcaterra But! What happened to Alaska?— Ben (@Ben) 1581516641.0
@craigcalcaterra OMG. Count me in. Surprised she didn't mess with MI though. Lot to work with here. Suggest she sho… https://t.co/5m7GhzqnZD— Ernst (@Ernst) 1581516693.0
@lizroscher @craigcalcaterra As a native Minnesotan, I take umbrage with the name change.— Steven Nelson (@Steven Nelson) 1581516560.0
@craigcalcaterra Apropos of nothing https://t.co/kVE8tFoXkg— Scott Moomaw (@Scott Moomaw) 1581517022.0
@aboutamoo @craigcalcaterra Fixed it to make it accurate to the new world order map. :-) https://t.co/aiD46vkgjJ— Kyle Eden (@Kyle Eden) 1581540292.0
The Ohio thing definitely raised some eyebrows.
@craigcalcaterra Most offensive part is an *additional* Ohio— Lil Dumplin (@Lil Dumplin) 1581516751.0
@craigcalcaterra All of this is reasonable except that Ohio 2 should be named 2 O 2 Hio.— Jesse Spector (@Jesse Spector) 1581516788.0
@jessespector @craigcalcaterra H2hiO— Marie Baguette (@Marie Baguette) 1581525294.0
@kyleinmke @craigcalcaterra Ohio 2: Skyline Boogaloo— Erik Carlson (@Erik Carlson) 1581516823.0
As did Canada's seeming acquiescence to Anna's imperialism.
@craigcalcaterra I like that Canada is invaded 3 times in this map and not once goes to war over it.— Trevor Gould (@Trevor Gould) 1581519386.0
@TrevGould On-brand— Craig Calcaterra (@Craig Calcaterra) 1581519409.0
@stillnfac @craigcalcaterra @TrevGould I'm French Canadian. Please take Alberta.— Renaud 和彦 Lepage (@Renaud 和彦 Lepage) 1581530368.0
And that whole thing about the Dakotas had people scratching their heads...
@cybik @stillnfac @craigcalcaterra @TrevGould We already have two Dakotas, all full up here bud.— theurge14 (@theurge14) 1581530552.0
But Anna herself quickly put this all to rest.
Update: https://t.co/Kh2zYSEoQb— Craig Calcaterra (@Craig Calcaterra) 1581521031.0
Well, that's that.
Anna is our Queen now and that's the end of it.
@craigcalcaterra And a child shall lead them.— drmagoo (@drmagoo) 1581521085.0
Long may she reign over Long Chile and all eastward territories from sea to shining East Virginia, or whatever.
Dad Didn't Want His Son Feeling Alone For Having A Scar From Surgery As An Infant, So He Got A Tattoo Of One On His Own Chest
How people show their love and support for others comes in all shapes and forms.
Some will visit their new mom friend to make sure they're doing okay and will help with the laundry.
Some will send a sweet "thinking of you" card to a loved one.
But some among us go a step further and change something about themselves. For one new father, who was struggling with his newborn's multiple heart surgeries, he decided to get a special tattoo to commemorate the experience and to support his son.
For most of the internet, this was a beautiful and loving gesture, but there were of course a few bad eggs who wanted to ruin the moment.
New father Joe Jones posted on Twitter about the experience of his son having three major heart surgeries before the age of five months old.
His son has the familiar, chest-long scar on his chest, which is especially heartbreaking to see carried by a newborn.
Jones was worried about his son's future and whether he would struggle with his self-image, because of having such a significant scar. Though it may fade with time, Jones wanted to do something to support his son and show him he is not alone in his journey, to the O.R. and beyond.
Jones shared his decision in a tweet, which quickly went viral and was shared to other platforms, including Reddit.
Many were supportive of Jones' decision and viewed it as a major, loving gesture.
Some on Reddit noted the possibility of the five-month-old's scar fading by the time he reaches his teen years and twenties. However, these comments were shared still with an air of support, pointing out the depth of the father's tattoo, whether or not his son's scar tissue always "matched" the ink.
"Flash to the future when his son has a tiny barely visible scar. Still cool" - Strummer95
"Yeah, my son had open heart at 4 months. Now he's 21 and you have to look hard to see it. Still cool tho, you're right" - pmmeab**wjob
"Also with the kid being so young, it's almost a guarantee that he wont remember it, and just have a tiny bit of scarring. Still wholesome, but this feels more like a way for the dad to feel more connected than it is to comfort the son." - Put_It_All_On_Blck
"Bruh my son is 2 and this just about destroyed me at work. I remember seeing something similar a few years ago and just thinking "aw man that's nice". Now I'm just like holy f**k I can't handle it" - SomebodyHelpMePles
Others back on Twitter were not so kind to Jones' original post, however.
As a result of the barrage of negative comments, Jones not only deleted his viral tweet, but he also deactivated his account.
Those who had already commented prior to deactivation were still able to tag Jones' profile in follow-up tweets, where they continued to share their support for his decision and hopes for his return to the platform.
@joejones1897 It's beautiful and meaningful, and I'm sure your son will appreciate your gesture when he'll be older… https://t.co/HHyddvnz8n— Ele 🎀 (@Ele 🎀) 1580931227
@joejones1897 It's none of my business but I think it's a beautiful tattoo. Wishing good health to your son— Cathy Pearson🦓💙 (@Cathy Pearson🦓💙) 1580932472
@joejones1897 Scars are to be worn proudly. They are the proof that despite *everything* you won, you’re still here… https://t.co/R4Lkuvpyuz— Penny_Watcher 💙 (@Penny_Watcher 💙) 1580932794
@joejones1897 Tattoos are very personal. Yours has a story. Ignore the haters.— Dr Mike 🇺🇦 (@Dr Mike 🇺🇦) 1580926306
Whether or not his son's scar tissue fades with time, this choice Jones made in an effort to support his son's early trials will be a part of their relationship forever.
We hope Jones will decide to return to Twitter when he's ready, if for no other reason than to share sweet pictures of him with his son, flourishing after all these trips to the O.R.
Female Scientists And Professors Expertly Shut Down 'Weather Expert''s Attempt To Mansplain Why They're Wrong About Climate Change
With the fires in Australia still burning and more than a billion animals estimated dead, people everywhere are worried at the immense loss the land Down Under is facing.
That hasn't stopped some, however, from imparting their "wisdom" regarding the origins of the fires, including their continued dismissal of climate change.
Earlier this week, three female experts in climate change were discussing on Twitter the importance of understanding the effects of climate change on a location like Australia, and how environmental changes increase the likelihood of further fires.
The three also spoke up about those who continue to argue against climate change, and instead for arson, explaining how arson alone would not have a large enough impact to create these fires.
In the midst of their discussion, the three women were, of course, visited by a self-proclaimed expert, a man who decided to mansplain why climate change isn't a suitable explanation for the fires, and the women's reaction was perfect.
Professor Katherine Hayhoe, a climate scientist and professor, wrote:
#AustralianWildFires climate denial claims, "it's arson! it's been warmer before! fire's natural!" The truth? Human… https://t.co/MOLNvaU1ZX— Prof. Katharine Hayhoe (@Prof. Katharine Hayhoe) 1578329920.0
Kate Marvel, a fellow climate scientist, agreed, chiming in:
The number of people yelling "it's arson!" at me like that somehow changes the molecular structure of carbon dioxid… https://t.co/NPW4TeRKip— Kate Marvel (@Kate Marvel) 1578330212.0
Dr. Jacquelyn Gill, an Ice Age ecologist and professor at University of Maine's Climate Change Institute, also chimed in, arguing why it's particularly problematic to blame arson alone.
Dr. Gill wrote:
@DrKateMarvel I research wildfire. Fire is controlled by two things: ignition, and fuel. Climate change impacts bot… https://t.co/VekLu27buv— Dr. Jacquelyn Gill (@Dr. Jacquelyn Gill) 1578334748.0
Up to this point, the three women were having a useful and productive conversation about climate change, one that could easily be educational to onlookers who wanted to learn a little bit more about what's going on in Australia right now.
But of course, someone needed to chime in and claim to be the greatest expert of all.
Retired TV weatherman Mike Smith, who describes himself as a "Husband, father, grandfather, scientist, entrepreneur, and author" and who made his Twitter username USWeatherExpert, came forward to explain why he felt all of these experts were, in fact, wrong.
Smith reacted to Dr. Gill's tweet, stating:
@JacquelynGill @DrKateMarvel That is just nonsense. Theoretically, one might be able to blame lightning-related fir… https://t.co/0vsFFwp1aT— Mike Smith (@Mike Smith) 1578349877.0
Dr. Gill immediately fired back, pulling her legitimate expert card.
@USWeatherExpert @DrKateMarvel Just because you don’t understand doesn’t mean the rest of us don’t. I’ve already ex… https://t.co/6WuzyV2qID— Dr. Jacquelyn Gill (@Dr. Jacquelyn Gill) 1578357596.0
Smith continued to try to hold his ground, arguing for his understanding.
@JacquelynGill @DrKateMarvel I understand just fine. I recommend you spend some time in meteorology and climatology classrooms.— Mike Smith (@Mike Smith) 1578358671.0
Dr. Gill pushed back again, short and sweet.
I do. As the instructor. https://t.co/8yXtrPeBza— Dr. Jacquelyn Gill (@Dr. Jacquelyn Gill) 1578362663.0
Twitter has been living for this reply, sharing it alone and making it go viral.
@JacquelynGill https://t.co/S8trOAWYRN— Millennial Edition (@Millennial Edition) 1578412719.0
@JacquelynGill https://t.co/CCA70HvpQ3— KareBearScare (@KareBearScare) 1578375289.0
@JacquelynGill https://t.co/68Deey9UxX— Brian Brettschneider (@Brian Brettschneider) 1578365135.0
@JacquelynGill https://t.co/erOSeH9Nag— Dakota Smith (@Dakota Smith) 1578369630.0
@JacquelynGill And THAT'S how you do it, my friends. https://t.co/Ul77kiDeZS— PhD Diaries (@PhD Diaries) 1578398812.0
@JacquelynGill https://t.co/bJwCbyc5rC— Derek (@Derek) 1578414941.0
@JacquelynGill https://t.co/VzcTOi1YrB— Ani No More Nazis in 2020s 🇨🇦🏳️🌈 (@Ani No More Nazis in 2020s 🇨🇦🏳️🌈) 1578362949.0
@JacquelynGill And dropping this off https://t.co/uZ0KdPWPIe— OceanGirl🌍🌎🌏🇺🇸🇦🇺🇬🇧🇮🇪 (@OceanGirl🌍🌎🌏🇺🇸🇦🇺🇬🇧🇮🇪) 1578365553.0
It's so ridiculous that people, typically women, have to continue to argue for their understanding of a a subject and their credentials, especially when they're making an important contribution to a major conversation like this one.
But Mike Smith, a retired Kansas TV weatherman who writes a glowing bio for himself and shares links to his own blog as scientific proof of and shills his self published books, apparently spends his free time trolling Twitter looking for women with advanced degrees to condescend to.
But these three experts handled the situation wonderfully, and they've had fantastic support.
Much later in the Twitter thread, Dr. Gill asked that everyone do what they can to help support those trying to put out the fires, evacuate people, and save animals. There is a GoFundMe page for their Fire Relief Fund, if you would also like to donate.