The Silliest Statements People Have Ever Heard Anyone Utter
Reddit user Automatic_Hedgehog71 asked: 'What is the silliest statement you have ever heard someone make?'
Kids say the cutest things, don't they?
Their unfiltered observations about life's many mysteries can be downright hilarious and serve as reminders of their pure innocence.
But it's less forgivable when adults make naive comments because, well, shouldn't they know better?
That's not always the case, however.
Curious to hear ridiculous examples of the things grown people say, Redditor Automatic_Hedgehog71 asked:
"What is the silliest statement you have ever heard someone make?"
Some people should really think twice before opening their mouth.
Work Of Art
"'How did they get the paint all the way up the sides?' -Middle-aged woman touring the Meteor Crater in AZ."
“'That’s not paint, those are the actual colors of the rock' -Her husband, giving her a long stare and walking away."
– ghostbungalow
For Trial And Error
"I had a boss say 'oh you don’t want kids, you should just have one to try it out.'"
"Really, and what happens if I find out that I truly don’t want kids? Can we just put it back where it came from?"
– tyintegra
Confused Soldier
"I worked at a place that gave a military discount."
"Family (mom, dad, adult son, adult daughter) walked in. Dad was reading the prices and pointed out to the son that he could get a discount!"
"This kid takes the sign, reads it, and says, as God is my witness:"
"I'm not in the military. I'm in the Army."
– JustMeerkats
To Live Or Let Die
"Someone once told me that paramedics/nurses/doctors are not allowed to do CPR on someone they know because it’s 'a conflict of interest.'”
– corviknight2259
It's a wonder how some people manage to live in the real world.
Know Your Audience When Using Big Words
"Sat down to eat with a friend. I said 'I'm famished' she looked at me, laughed and LOUDLY she said to me 'I swear you make up words sometimes.'"
– NotBadSinger514
"Oh man people say this to me all the time! Why did I read books and learn so many words, when no one understands them, and I really didn't think they were so pretentious, words like Famished."
– Person_Letter_629
Not Icarus
"A friend of mine said she got more tanned when riding her bike than she did when walking because on her bike, she was 'closer to the sun.'"
– Five_Star_Amenities
"This just reminded me of a time I was out on a boat with a big group of people and one of them said 'I’m so glad it’s windy, I won’t get sunburned' they thought the wind would push the light away from their skin. I was the only one to say it definitely doesn’t work like that and I could tell they thought I was wrong."
– Thbbbt_Thbbbt
The Symptoms Indicate Otherwise
"Earlier today I offered a cough drop upon my flight’s landing to the lady wet coughing right behind me the whole flight."
'Oh, no thanks, I’m not sick. I just went to Oregon and have felt awful the whole time since.'
"Okay…so…sick"
– ACaparzo
Completely Lost
"A friend once said she couldn't take Southwest Airlines because she was flying east to Florida."
– ProudCatLadyxo
"How do they get the planes back? Do they repaint them as Northeast? Or do they just push them?"
– ch4m3le0n
"They just keep flying south until they come back around."
– frymeyourpoop
A Silly Sports Spectator Said
"I was at a baseball game in Cincinnati and the teenage girl behind turned to her friend and said 'this is so cool, it's almost like we're watching it live.' I think about that a lot."
"EDIT: based on the look of the girls and their other conversations this was no joke, there was no laughing either. Don't remember the exact year but flip phones were the most common cell phone and we had seats in the outfield so she didn't appear to be watching the game thru her phone. This also wasn't the first time that day where I heard them say something and I stopped what I was doing and stared straight into space, just the most memorable. They seemed like nice enough girls, no malicious or rude conversations, it just appeared like they lacked some basic intelligence for some relatively simple concepts."
– Michael_With_An_M
You can't be difficult and clueless at the same time, can you?
Observe exhibits A, B, & C.
Unpalatable Texture
"A woman tried to send back a dish. She didn’t understand the components of it and tried to tell me that she couldn’t eat it because she was allergic to crunchy. Like yeah the texture. Not the ingredient that we had made crunchy."
– BuckleupBirds
"LMAO. Makes me feel better about the guy who asked a friend (server) for ‘Mushroom risotto, but without the rice’."
– Mavises
I'll Have The Pie And Ice Cream With A Side Of Ice Cream
"Had an older family member that back in the day went to a diner and ordered the 'pie a la mode' from the menu. He then proceeded to ask the waitress if they could put a little ice cream on top of that. : )"
– Fluffing_Satan
My husband and I were walking around a gift shop in Solvang, CA, and marveling at some of the various tchotchkes.
One of them was a MOVA globe.
MOVA globes are usually about the size of a softball held up by three small supports, and they rotate without the use of electrical wires or batteries.
Instead, they're powered by the combination of solar cells and torque from the earth's magnetic field. We didn't know this at the time, however.
When a worker nearby saw us being mesmerized by the shelf of spinning globes, he commented, "Cool, right?"
And I replied, "Yeah, how does it work?"
The dude gave a sly smile and said:
"It's an optical delusion."
Or illusion...
A loss for words. Have you ever experienced it?
Someone says something that is either so cool, so insane, so stupid, or so beyond what you were expecting that your words vanish in an instant. How do you handle that? How do you move forward?
u/Darkstar753 asked:
"What is something you've heard someone say, that actually left you speechless?"
Here were some of those answers.
?????
I worked as a camp counselor for young kids a couple years ago and one day one of their dads came in to show off his rather impressive fossil collection. Well this infuriated one of the other counselors because, in her words, 'he was lying to those kids and damning them to hell.'
Support?! How About NO
"Babe, you know how much I love you so don't be mad but I've been sleeping with your cousin for a while and we are in love and I'm gonna need you to support me on this. Also, if her husband calls, tell him she is with you."
Needless to say the speechless portion didn't last too long.
Eww, But Thanks
We were in a grocery store, starting to head down an aisle, when a man stopped us and said:
"I'd recommend avoiding this aisle - my wife just cut a wicked fart." His candor left us speechless.
Sure enough, even in the next aisle, we could smell it wafting in our direction.
Actually We Do?
Me: "...and just a heads up, we close at 5pm today."
Customer: "No you don't."
Me: "..."
No Longer Friends, Byebye
I was talking to someone about something unimportant and I jokingly said to my friend, what could you possibly hate about me? Well, she goes on this long rant saying that I'm over dramatic, hypocritical, arrogant, and a political stereotype. I don't even know what she meant with half of the things she was saying; she said I was a hypocrite for not liking anime.
Trauma Alert
"He (me) was an accident and (my dad) did not want to have kids, I was not going to get an abortion, so we got divorced."
Something like that. I was 10. She always told me that they got married too young and wanted different things out of life. Don't eavesdrop on your mom's conversations with her friends drinking wine. Explains why my dad blows me off most of his weekends and when I'm there, I'm just kinda there and he ignores me.
Education Of Treatment
"You teach people how to treat you"
Mine blowing moment of realization that if I continued to say I suck and that no one should trust me with things, they will start to believe me and treat me as such.
Hey, I Don't Know You
A friend and I were in a store buying mannequins for our thrifting business. The guy who owns the store pointed to a specific mannequin and said:
'This one has great t*ts. Not like my sister in law's. She breastfed her baby and one day she whipped them out to feed him and they looked like fried eggs. RUINED FOREVER. My wife is in her 70's and she has perky little t*ts because she didn't breastfeed our kids"
Then he went on to tell us how his daughter breastfeeds and how great it is for babies. Wtf. We had known this guy all of 30 seconds before he unloaded this breastfeeding PSA on us 😳
This Is Called "Racism," Folks
Was at a small, icky dinner that's gone now. Two older couples were at the next booth over, talking about how one couple was trying to sell their house. They were complaining that no one would want to buy it, since a black family moved in next door. The other guy said "it's simple, when you're walking in the yard with potential buyers and you see the neighbor, ask him how the flowers are coming along this year. They'll just assume he's the gardener!"
And That's When We Block You
I used to have a friend with whom I had a three hour long discussion about physics related questions which he asked me. The questions all revolved around gravity in some way. At first, I thought he was genuinly interested in this topic. After 2.5 hours, I suddenly found myself googling papers that discussed gravitational waves and stuff like that (goes waaaaay over my head). So by then I got suspicious and asked him that if he wasn't willing to accept my answer, what would he think the answer is then?
Flat. Earth.
People Break Down The Dumbest Thing Anyone Has Ever Seriously Said To Them
In grade school, a handful of us were discussing where some of our relatives lived outside of California.
When a classmate mentioned having relatives in New Mexico, an eavesdropper genuinely asked:
To be fair, we were young pupils who had much to learn, but we still chuckled at the very innocent inquiry.
Redditor throughawayjoke asked:
The Eager Patron
"Excitedly told me that a stripper he bought a lap dance from liked him so much that she asked him to come back again to see her."
– thirteenpants
Everyone's Favorite Customer
"A buddy of mine is like this with bartenders/servers we go to the same bar pretty frequently and hes convinced that the bartenders there are attracted to him. He doesnt understand that the reason that they come over and talk to him is because he always tips them a minimum of $20 each night, normally its more."
– Legion_707
Bleach Bath
"Is this all the bleach we have?" This was said by my sister who was holding a gallon of bleach in each hand. Her plan? She was going to fill the bath tub up with bleach and bathe in it because she wanted to bleach her hair blonde."
– not-a-real_username
Mummy Dearest
"While watching the Mummy 2, these mummies are chasing a bus thru London. My mom asks, 'they didn't use real mummies did they?'"
– Pickle-Wife
Her Way On The Highway
"Had a roommate in college that would drive me everywhere cause she had a car and I didn't. The first time I got on the highway with her she got on the left lane and floored it. We were going 90+ on a 60. I freaked out and asked her why the hell she was going so fast. She said, 'What's the big deal? There's no speed limit on the left lane on a highway. You can go as fast as you want!' She refused to slow down till we had to take our exit. We had a long argument on why that wasn't true that involved calling several people and googling things to prove it to her."
– sm1020
The Environmentalist
"While driving with my sister's then-boyfriend to go disc golfing, he was staring up in the sky very intensely. I asked him what he was doing and he replied, 'Just doing my part for the environment.' Confused, I inquired further. He then went on to say how chemtrails from planes are spreading chemicals, but if you stare at the chemtrails, you can use your willpower to get rid of them. He was bat-sh*t crazy. Lizardmen crazy."
– PittiePower
One Of These Are Mythical
"With my mother at an aquarium. 'Are those seahorses or unicorns? I always get them mixed up.'"
– Educational_Ad9260
Once More With Volume
"A friend of mine met and married a German man. She lived there with him. He speaks English and is very fluent. Yes, there's an accent but he's perfectly understandable."
"After they married they came back to the US to have a reception for her side of the family and friends."
"As one particular family friend was making his good byes he goes up to the husband and shouts, slowly, 'IT WAS...VERY NICE MEETING YOU! I HOPE....YOU ENJOY...YOUR...VISIT!!!"'The whole room has stopped talking at this point. The husband says 'Thank you. Maybe next time we meet you'll speak English more quietly.' (In a very joking manner)
"Man was a bit embarrassed as he hadn't realized what he was doing."
"The whole 'if you talk louder they'll understand you' situation was hilarious."
– stitcherfromnevada
Vegan Lady
"'Turkey is vegan."'
"-Random lady stating that she's vegan and then proceeding to order a club sandwich."
"I was the waiter."
– millennium-popsicle
All About The Eyes
"I was waiting at the DMV, and my baby was asleep in his carrier on the floor. Some totally normal-looking middle-aged guy in a suit leaned over and smiled at him, then said, 'How cute! Are his eyes open yet?'"
"Dude literally thought humans were like puppies or kittens."
– NoCuntryforToldMen
Two Things At Once
"You're Korean? I thought you said you were Asian."
– _WhiskeyTrance
Cautious Pet Owner
"I shouldn't be giving my dogs ice water because ice has chemicals."
– Xenocrosser
"dihydrogen monoxide is SCARY 😱"
– HEXN3T
Completely Lost
"What county is Germany in again?"
– spicybEtch212
Well quite a lot of them, there for a while.
– steelgate601
Not How That Works
"I was talking about how i was getting a birth control implant in a few weeks and someone asked if i was scared of getting stuck up my butt."
"Had to clarify with him that birth control implants dont go up the butt...."
– fang_silverwing2
Milk & Navels
"An old school friend refused to breastfeed or formula feed their baby. They gave the baby milkshakes instead. Because ya know 'milk is milk.'"
"Also my mother told me, (in all seriousness) that we have belly buttons because that's where our tails used to be."
– OnemoreSavBlanc