Submissions have been edited for clarity, context, and profanity.
Nothing good happens in a bog.
GiphyAs a kid me and some friends built a 'bridge' out of hay and wood across a dried out bog. I tested it and fell through somewhere in the middle. Thankfully I'd read in a book that if you're being sucked down by quicksand or something, the best thing to do is relax and spread your weight out evenly. That kept my head and arms above the muck until one of my friends could find a tree branch to haul me out.
Every time someone posts one of those 'quicksand wasn't as big an issue as I thought it would be' memes I'm like... hm.
Darwin Award contender. The coma sounds nice though.
Sitting on the trunk of a car. "Just drive slow and I'll hop off at my house."
They did not drive slowly. I got to be in a coma though, so that was nice.
That'll get you at least 3 stars in GTA.
Driving through a military base closed to the public in hopes of arriving at my destination faster.
Beware the large load.
Near the end of a 68 hour week, I was dead tired and just wanted to go home. I had three tons suspended in the air by a shop crane and I left the remote on the other side of the load. Instead of walking around it, I walked right under it and grabbed the remote. I froze for a moment and contemplated what I just did. Put the load down, clocked off and went to sleep thinking about how much of an idiot I am.
She lived to tell the tale.
GiphyI hitchhiked across a province, and at nightfall after getting soaked during a downfall (people tend not to pick you up during the rain), I was exhausted and so defeated, and so I accepted a complete strangers offer to go to his cabin in the woods for the night.
Music festivals draw the best people.
Stayed with a stranger whom I just met after a concert when I had no where to stay that night. Wasn't sexual, he didn't try anything or insinuate that I owed him anything - just a nice bloke offering the spare bed in his hotel room.
Karma - and a brave move, considering the times.
Went with some friends to a party. We drove there, and unfortunately everyone (including myself) got plastered. The party was in a bad neighborhood in the Bronx and I insisted that we chip in for a cab because driving drunk would be stupid.
I was called a pussy, and idiot, moron, then told if I don't like it I can walk home. F*ck that I know my life is worth it so I just headed off towards the Grand Concourse (this was back in the 80's, bad times then).
Walked about 15 blocks avoiding groups of people (especially the ones shouting at me), got tailed for a bit by a group of older guys and made a mad dash for the subway. It was 1 am, the station was empty and it took me 2 hours to get home.
Next day I get a call from one of my friends parents, they were upset with me for letting them drive home (they got into a fender bender with a cop car (yea karma)).
I laughed when she told me what happened, then explained that I was the one that was put down and told to walk home if I didn't like it, they wouldn't take a cab. She apologized and I made sure that every one of those asshats weren't part of my life anymore.
Drinking then driving is never worth it.
GiphyI drove home with a drunk friend who was taking shots before we left the bar. I was 21 and stupid. On the way home instead of taking the turn we went into a ditch and stopped 2 feet short of a telephone pole. We were fine but it definitely was a wake up call.
Raise your hand if you're feeling attacked.
Picked up a cap of what I presumed was molly at a party off the floor and popped it.
Good party. Decent high. Can't believe how stupid I was.
Concrete Ocean
When I was in high school some guys were "car surfing" in the parking lot and one almost died. The two cars collided, which sent him flying off the roof. His top half went through the windshield while his bottom half was nearly smashed between the cars.
Needless to say, they both got in enormous amounts of trouble.
Lifelong Symptoms
GiphyFlew off, head first into the curb. Induced coma for about two weeks. When I woke up, I was insane. They hand cuffed me to the bed because I kept trying to run away. Seeing as I was completely paralyzed on one side, that wasn't safe. Month in the rehab hospital once I was medically out of the woods. Learning to walk, talk again. How to use my fingers.
This was at age 15.
Vision problems for a few months after that. Nothing had the "outline" around it, if that makes any sense. Things just kind of bled into each other.
Couldn't remember words. Developed a weird tick where I would tap my fingers together when talking, as if trying to grab the word. Still happens sometimes.
Persistent bouts of "cloudy head." I can't describe them. They're just "bad head days." Still struggle with impulse control and temper.
The seizures started four years later. Lots of different meds and a couple wrecked cars later, we found something that worked. The wrecks weren't seizure related, but the lack of sleep probably was.
The migraines just started this February, at age 37. Debilitating dizziness and sound sensitivity. Can't think. Can't sleep. Neurologist thought they were seizures but later decided on migraines. New meds and a chiropractor are helping, but some days are still hella rough.
But all the docs thought I wouldn't live and if I did I would be requiring 24/7 care, so I still got pretty lucky.
ATM OMG
I am a rugby player and was a bank teller in 2009. I'll never forget the date: 09/10/2009.
A group of 5-6 burglars stole $47K from an ATM I was doing some maintenance. When they ran out of the branch, everyone of them but one went to the right; the dipshit who went left was carrying the money bag, and my rugby instincts instinctly kicked in: I ran after him for half a block and tackled him from behind.
The look of despair in his eyes when he saw a crazy teller it's one of the memories I'll never forget. We tried to punch each other, with no success. When he realized I wasn't letting him go away with the cash, he threw the bag in the middle of the avenue and ran away.
The whole action lasted about 60 seconds, I believe. Afterwards, I couldn't stop thinking "what if?": what if he had a gun? What if he had someone waiting him in the direction he went?
My mother wanted to kill me, but I got promoted. Good times.
BAMF.
GiphyWalked through the woods to smoke weed with some buddies. One of my friends dogs followed us. We were about to cross the Amtrak train tracks when I heard a high pitched whine. Look down one side of the tracks to see the headlight of a train speeding towards us, about a quarter mile away. These trains travel at over 100 MPH. My two friends, being high, got spooked and ran after I yelled about a train coming. I turned to walk away and out of the corner of my eye see "holly", my friends dog, just staring at me while standing right in the middle of the tracks. I ran as fast as I could to her, grabbed her by the collar and pulled her off the tracks. I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her in close as the train sped by, inches from my body and the scared pooch. After the train passed I turned around to see my friends chest deep in stagnant pond water yelling "that was AWESOME!!!!". Situational awareness almost got me killed because I decided to save the dog. She has since passed. RIP Holly, you were always a good girl.
Done it. Those tracks are deep.
I was ten riding the DC Metro for the first time by myself when I dropped my keys on the track. Two minutes till the next train vs 5 seconds to get my keys from the track so I jumped down.
It's harder than you think to get back on those platforms.
Tempting. Risky, but tempting.
Quit my job, sold everything, and moved into a van for about a year.
Not all heroes wear capes.
GiphyWalked five miles from the Inner Harbor in Baltimore up north to my apartment at 2 AM. Lotsa sketchy folk.