The Most Hilarious Punishment Recruits Ever Received In The Military
Reddit user Defiant_Concert_9542 asked: 'What's the most hilarious punishment you've ever heard of someone receiving in the military, and how did they end up in that absurd situation?'
Mischievous military recruits in the process of basic training may not always be seriously punished unless they commit a serious crime like stealing.
Instructors punish those in training with an assortment of disciplinary tactics, which can include yelling and "getting dropped"–or being ordered to do push-ups.
Some instructors, however, like to get creative.
Curious to hear about some unique forms of military punishment, Redditor Defiant_Concert_9542t_9542 asked:
"What's the most hilarious punishment you've ever heard of someone receiving in the military, and how did they end up in that absurd situation?"
These recruits were made to be the laughing stock.
"Forgetting The Hat"
"A couple of guys hated wearing their cover (hat), so they kept 'forgetting' to put it on when going outside."
"Sgt made them each 'wear' the other guy's hand as cover for a few days. They looked so ridiculous/miserable walking around holding another man's bald head."
– Scaphismus
Bad Hat
"Had a guy forget to put on his hat when coming outside during basic training. Instructor told him that it wasn't his fault but that it was the hats fault. He made the guy spank the hat and yell 'Bad Hat' over and over. After that he said even though the hat was bad he still needed to let the hat know that he loved him. He then made him caress the hat and tell him that he loves him."
– Kmo78
Importance Of Being On Time
"So this guy was constantly late to everything. Never out of bed on time, never in formation when he was supposed to be, etc."
"The Sargents pulled a clock off the wall, attached a bike chain to it, and make it look like a big a** necklace. (If you were a rap fan back in the day you may know where this is going)"
"They made the dude wear it like a Flava Flav clock chain. They would constantly scream at him 'Flava Flav what time is it?!?'"
"He learned to be on time real quick."
– LeluWater
Things get more creative.
Perfect For The Gullible
"We would tell every new person in our squadron that they had to set up an appointment with 'Captain Dees.' We'd give the person the local number of the Captain D's restaurant. They'd call the number and ask to speak with Captain Dees. It was hilarious every time."
– Kmo78
Ladybug Story
"I once had a ladybug land on my desk during morning inspection. When staff found it. I had to write a 500 word biography of who the bug was etc. and then had to make sure he was there for the rest of the week in good health for every morning inspection that week. Lol"
– withoutwarningwood
How Touching
"Newly promoted to Sergeant me and my buddy got the task of pre barracks inspection prior to our new CSM barracks inspection which was to be after our 1SG barracks inspection. Ya... anyway, the new CSM wanted troops to actually have their rooms decorated and lived in looking which whatever right? So everything is going fine we're still in good with the E4 Mafia so we're given heads up on whose rooms actually need inspected and which we could just skip cause they were squared away. Last room of the evening and it's bare as a prison cell. Troop was using his woobie (poncho liner) as a blanket, no pillows and literally nothing in this room that wasn't issued not a thing in his fridge etc. Come to find out he has been sending all like seriously ALL his money home to his mom to help raise his 4 siblings. Me and the other Sergeant ordered him to come with us to the PX, we got on the horn to our 1SG explained the situation and he met us at the PX with our entire upper NCO chain and the Commander. We forced this kid to buy over 1000 dollars of items/food/tv/etc for his room and all the money was donated by the NCO chain and the Commander. That was a great leadership was very sad to leave that unit. Sorry long winded lol"
– geriatric-sanatore
Free Concert
"We had a guy who could just not get his sh*t together. We all know that troop. Even the easy things were hard, etc etc."
"The cadre found out he was a former opera singer and also fluent in German. So they made him write and sing opera songs about his f**k ups. This was the only thing he was good at."
"Now here’s where this gets hilarious, beyond one dude singing self-deprecating songs in a marching formation. The cadre would bark 'German style!' and he’d seamlessly switch his lyrics to German. They’d yell 'underwater style!' and he’d take his index finger and flip it up and down on his lips as he sang, making the song sound bubbly."
"Not only could the cadre not hold it together, the guys in his company would absolutely lose it. Complete breakdown in military bearing, and no one cared. Other cadre and instructors would come just to listen and they would be in tears laughing."
"I don’t know where you are now homeboy, but thanks for the laughs."
– vmikey
Environmentally Conscious
"Having to carry a plant to make up for the oxygen he was wasting."
– International_Set522
"I remember one of the others on my intake being sent over to the nearest tree to deeply apologise for wasting the good oxygen this tree produced and explain to said tree why he was such an utter t*t...."
– The_Burning_Wizard
Lesson to be learned: don't lose or forget things that are essential.
What's The Big ID-a?
"Guy kept losing his ID/leaving it sitting in the computer. Chief 'borrowed' it, took it to one of those one hour print job places, had it blown up to like 3 feet across, cut the picture out, and made the idiot walk around all day holding his enormous ID up with his face in the cut out hole. He stopped misplacing his ID after that."
– HakunaYouTaTas
Don't Lose The Rock
"We had a tradition when you were new to the unit and went on our first summer exercise (National Guard) that you would need to carry a rock around with you. It was an inspectable item so it needed to be with you at all times. You were not to let anyone else have this rock. The trick was if you lost the rock, you'd get another rock chosen by the platoon sergeant."
"One guy had a hard time with the 'Don't give this to anyone else' and kept losing his rock. After the 4th or 5th time, the platoon sergeant gave him what I can only describe as a small Boulder. This kid had to lug that rock around for the next week but he made damn sure not to lose it."
– Lawson470189
The Long Road March
"1995 - At mile 4 of an 12 mile hump (quick water break), my assistant gunner forgot the tripod for the M60. The platoon sergeant made him hug and apologize to every tree along his side of the road for wasting oxygen for the rest of the road march. 8 miles of this and no one could go past him. A road march that should've taken three hours ended up taking 12. There's a lot of trees at Ft. Campbell"
– MrL1970
The road from being a recruit to soldier is a tough but rewarding one in the end.
While some of the punishments and actual training tactics seem insurmountable, they build character, better physical endurance, and resilience.
It may be grueling, but it's all part of the military world.
Are you up for the challenge?
Adults are meant to be the wise ones.
Adults lead children and show compassion and grace.
Well that is the plan.
So it's always disappointing when many adults show cheap, rude behavior towards the young that Billy Porter would read for trash.
I guess it shows just how flawed we all are and how many of us stay.
The sad thing is that showing that kind of behavior to a child only prolongs the cycle.
You're the adult... act like it.
Redditor x3Nekox3 was hoping some people would share some tales about the times elders have shown less than perfect behavior. So they asked everyone:
"What was the most petty thing an adult did to you, when you were younger?"
Rules. Adults holding onto rules that make no sense, just because.
So petty.
Unreadable
hands swerk GIFGiphy"I broke two fingers on my dominant hand in 9th grade and had a splint on them so I couldn't write. I had a test at school and the teacher made me write with my left hand then marked my answers wrong because she couldn't read them."
j0hnniefist
Penmanship
"I have horrible handwriting. I have forever, no amount of intervention or practice has helped. When I was in 5th grade, my Social Studies teacher seemed to take a lot of pleasure in constantly reminding me of how awful my hand writing was. We used to have to bring out notebooks up for her to check our homework."
"I dreaded this so damn much. She would hold up my notebook so the whole class could laugh at my handwriting. I'm grown now, that was a long time ago, but I still hate to have hand write anything that other people will see."
KringlebertFistybuns
Thinking Back
"In grade four, a teacher gave us a few questions before lunch break and expected us to answer each of them correctly right after the break was over. A classmate couldn't get a few answers correct so the teacher made him walk to each bench and get a slap from each student present in the class. Thinking about the incident now, I feel like going back in time and beat the sh*t of that horrible teacher."
Geniar_med
Grunt Work
"At 16 years old, I had a job at a gas station after school. Did all the grunt work (sweeping cigarettes in the parking lot, emptying trash bins, etc.)."
"I'm taking the trash out one day and a grown a** man in his 40s comes up to me and says something along the lines of 'I make more money in a week than you do in a whole year' and all I could think at the time was 'Well yeah, I sure hope you do I'm in high school.'"
"Such a petty thing to say to a kid just trying to make a little bit of money after school."
therealjoshua
Hey Bunny
"I was at an Easter Egg hunt when I was around 6. It was in a big park area with lots of rocks. I saw a little chocolate egg foil glisten and ran over to pick it up. As I reached my hand out to pick it up a man trod on my hand to stop me getting it, then he called his kid over to 'find' it."
HedgeHoggington
Why is Easter always such an issue? Hunt responsibly...
Traitor
lies liar GIF by The Maury ShowGiphy"I did a chore that my father had asked me to do. My mom got home and commented on how nicely the chore was done. My father took credit for it in front of me - so I fired back saying that I was the one who had done it... he then yelled at me and called me a traitor."
MadeItForTheArt
Still Salty
"I got in trouble in 6th grade for reading during home room. Home room was like a random 30 min period to work on homework but I always did my homework the night before so I would just quietly read. For some reason my home room teacher hated it."
"One day she just yelled at me for always reading in her class and told me to do my homework. I told her all of my homework was done. She told me to prove it so I showed her all of my completed homework. Then she confiscated my book and sent me to the principal’s office for being disrespectful. I’m still salty about it."
omglookawhale
Still Shocked
"A math teacher handed back our tests in class. They were graded and marked and all that. She was going over some of the questions that most people got wrong (myself included), so I was writing down some notes on my test so I could reference it later and remind myself why I got things wrong and what I was supposed to do."
"She ripped my test away from me and started screaming at me that cheating is absolutely not allowed and that I should be ashamed of myself. Confused and in shock, I started choking up and tried to explain that I was just trying to take notes. One of the most humiliating times of my childhood (around 13 years old), and I still don’t understand why it happened."
Soulfighter56
You too?
"One of my uncles was in a years-long fight with my mom. To stir trouble, any time he greeted my sister and I, he would tell my sister how beautiful and wonderful she is and to me just say 'Oh, you're here too' and then promptly ignore me the rest of the night."
"I used to adore him up to that point so this ended up in me being extremely hurt and crying to my mom for hours about how I'm ugly and not special."
"He got his petty vengeance on my mother and crushed my self-esteem. Till today I don't forgive him for it."
super-ro
Just Ill
Sick Season 4 GIF by FriendsGiphy"I was feeling sick one day in grade 3 or 4 and the substitute teacher wouldn’t let me go to the nurse’s office because 'I didn’t look sick enough.' I had strep throat."
buzzybee2
Some adults really are a mess.
Do you have any experiences to share? Let us know in the comments below.
Even those of us who lived through it might forget how terrible it was to have our shows decided by someone else, thousands of miles away. When you had to sit, and wait, for the show that was on to end so you could finally watch the one you want.
I think Hell might be like that.
These people, on the other hand, had a much more sinister idea for what everyone is forced to watch down below.
Reddit user, CharmingWitty, wanted to know what you're forced to watch every day in the afterlife of misery when they asked:
"You’re in Hell. What’s on TV?"
Why do advertisers think they're commercials are good? They're not. We tolerate them. We don't actively enjoy them.
So imagine watching the worst of the worst when you're downstairs.
I Will Remember You
"That commercial with Sarah McLaughlin music and the neglected and abused and abandoned animals."
ArmyOfDog
Buy. Our. Stuff.
"Commercials and nothing else"
Kneejerk_Nihilist
"So the shopping channel? lol"
Hufflepuff20
"Selling only one thing - possibly slapchop. As a plus there's slap chop billboards everywhere, just in case you get the bright idea of switching the TV off and going for a walk."
vijjer
Holy Forking Shirtballs
"The Kars 4 Kids commercial on a constant loop."
Patches765
"That's the theme song for The Bad Place!"
grae23
It's not hard to imagine what's on television in hell because as it turns out, a lot of that stuff is already on as we speak.
All The Good Stuff Is Taken Out
"Whatever it is, it’s the edited for TV version."
TheNumberMuncher
"Yippie Kay yay, mister falcon."
Justjeskuh
“Im sick of these monkey fighting snakes on this Monday to Friday plane” - Samuel L Jackson brought to you by TNT.
Hammsamitch
The Internet Was A Mistake
"Staged tik tok videos"
fit-to-burn
"...that say wait till the end."
VixxiV
"All of them have the oh no song"
theincrediblebou
How Does This Work With Them Supposedly Being On Opposite Sides?
"TV preachers."
wulfpacker1
"Wouldn’t they be doing live shows in hell?"
asianpeterson
See?
"Politics fighting over not important shit and avoiding serious matters"
hady215
"Hey look, we’re already in hell."
Ckmyers
It is Hell, after all. Maybe the Devil will get a little creative with your punishment.
Up Next...
"America’s funniest home videos, except all the videos are all the times you’ve embarrassed yourself in front of people and it’s hosted by Andrew Dice Clay so none of it is funny"
santichrist
*copy, paste, apply to any sitcom
"Big bang theory, but whenever someone talks it's just their shitty laughing tracks"
AbaHugME
"Or worse. The laugh track is removed leaving long eerie silences after bad jokes"
Shotgun_Rynoplasty
Just Nothing Happening. For Forever.
"A tv show about a guy trying to connect to the internet through a dial-up modem, but the connection never happens and you just constantly hear the dial-up tones and noises. Probably has a really sh-tty, but catchy tune as well that gets stuck in your head as Satan takes you to the fire pits"
Frodo_noooo
Wait, THEY Got To Go?
"Endless keeping up with the Kardashians."
MasterpiecePositive4
"Special hell edition: Shows about the Kardashians' life in heaven."
tecg
Let's all try to be a little nicer to one another. How about that?
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No one wants to go to Hell, for obvious reasons.
While that opens up an entire platitude of religious and philosophical discussions we're not going to get into, we'll redirect and instead jump right to the more important topic.
What do you eat when you go down below?
What's Satan serving up for you on a silver platter? Or platter made of flaming skulls?
Reddit user, yellowbush7, wanted to know what you're eating when you cross the fiery gates when they asked:
"You’re in Hell. What’s for dinner ?"
Some of the suggestions people had felt strangely close to home, as in, we might already be eating straight out of hell here on planet Earth.
Something So Close To Home
"The most delicious grilled burgers that taste like nothing because covid has ruined my ability to enjoy food....Please tell me I'm not really in hell and this will end."
malmode
"Ha! My favorite meal is rack of lamb with a side of mint jelly. We had bought it for my birthday in 2020. The day before my bday I lose my taste and have to eat it wothout tasting it at all. I feel your pain. A $200.00 rack of lamb wasted."
Thewormfrommars
And It Won't Work Tomorrow. Or The Day After.
"McDonalds ice cream, but the machine isn't working today."
chriswaco
We've All Been To This Restaurant
"A salad swimming in dressing."
DrZurn
"slightly warm dressing"
_coffee_
"And what's that?"
"The devil didn't shake the bottle, so it didn't mix entirely, leaving the salad uneven and devil laughing."
untakenu
You're Rushing Out The Door, Getting Ready For School...
"Toothpaste for the main course. Orange juice to wash it all down"
param_T_extends_THOT
I've Been To This Wedding Before
"Steam table “grilled” chicken with some kind of slimy tendon in one half. Over cooked vegetables. Unseasoned mashed potatoes. Rock hard butter. No salt or pepper at the table. Only the original Tabasco for seasoning. Dessert is some kind of soggy, chilled cake. The only thing to drink is heavily iced water in a goblet, so much ice that your cup is basically dry after 2 sips, and there are no straws."
"The waiter refills your glass from a pitcher that is 99% ice every time the ice in your glass starts to melt. Some old person next to you keeps asking “aren’t you hungry?” and complaining about wasted food."
"I love food, I am not picky, but this meal is served at every Midwestern wedding and corporate meeting event and it’s so, so gross. I’ll eat almost anything, and I usually leave these things hungry."
TerribleAttitude
It is hell, after all. Why wouldn't you dine from the most bizarre, groan-inducing, mind-breaking meals ever made.
I'm Already Tired Thinking About It
"Mayonnaise. Just a bowl full of it."
"Except you have to eat it with a straw."
256dak
Somehow It's Spicy
"sand, but it's spicy and it gets stuck in your teeth somehow and you have nothing to drink with it. Bonus points if it's somehow moldy"
Acomdata
"Turns out it is mixed with loved one’s ashes"
Chubuwee
For Now. For Forever.
"A Beef Wellington, cooked to perfection. With a side of perfect garlic mashed potatoes and a side of tender asparagus with hollandaise sauce. It’s served with a nice Chianti red wine. Dessert is an ice cream sunday."
"It is all served by a very gracious and kind Gordon Ramsay, who attends to your every need, and who is eager to explain his signature dish."
"The next night, the experience is repeated. And the next, and the next."
"Finally, one night, you express that maybe you would prefer another dish. Gordon tut-tuts and explains that you are here in his signature restaurant, to have his signature dish."
"Each day, you try to push, and Ramsay pushes back, harder. Until one day, you find yourself nose to nose with an incredibly angry Gordon screaming spittle into your face. You realize you have a slice of bread pressed to each ear."
"And it dawns on you that the best Beef Wellington you’ve ever tasted will be the last thing you eat…. For eternity."
calladus
They Make You Hate What You Love
"I love popcorn."
"Hell would have all the popcorn I would want, perfectly seasoned and oil."
"No other food, just popcorn. No variety. No water."
"The salt and oil would slowly burn my throat. My stomach would be ill and my head would ache."
"Hell would make me hate my favorite food, and then offer some more."
Atticus104
Don't. Touch. The. Dog. Satan.
"Your own dog."
rambotie
"The only seasoning: your tears."
untakenu
Gross. Gross. No. Gross.
"There’s a thread right now about intestinal worms and someone made a comment, 'add some soy sauce and chow down.'"
"That."
FourWordComment
Not A Lot Of Big Things, But A Lot Of Little Things
"'Ah yes, I see you're just in time for dinner', says Satan devilishly."
"'Take a seat and I'll let our chef know that you've arrived'."
"'well damn, this place isn't that bad' I mutter to myself as I sit down in a chair that has one leg slightly short than the others."
"The table is slightly on an angle and the floor is made of uneven brimstone,makijg just about everything in Satan's dining room off kilter."
"'For your first meal' Satan loudly declares through the rotting gaps in his teeth. 'slightly chilled fried eggs that are both burnt on the edges and cold in the middle, paired with soggy toast and a side of bacon that is 100% stringy fat'."
"'This is going to be a long eternity' I say to myself with a heavy sigh as I attempt to undo the individually vacuum sealed pieces of wooden cutlery that seem to be teeming with splinters."
MenstruatingMuffin
Maybe we should all start performing good deeds to one another, huh?
Just in case.
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Life and death. One of the eternal struggles. Who gets to have what?
The death penalty is a searing hot topic that is right up there with abortion.
There are people firmly against it and firmly for it.
How do we deal with the most insidious of humans? People who are depraved and left misery in their wake.
Is it enough to just have them rotting in prison, still breathing, when they claimed the life of another?
Many feel an eye for an eye is appropriate, others... not so much.
Redditor_ramgab_wanted to discuss one of the world's most controversial topics. They asked:
"How do you feel about the death penalty?"
I'm not sure how I feel. It seems like a situation that has to happen to you somehow, to truly know how you'd feel.
Bad System
"There are people who deserve to die, but we can't trust our system to make good choices." ~ EarthExile
"The main problem but not the only one. If someone is executed for a crime they didn't commit the file is closed and whoever did commit it is free to continue."
"We got rid of the death penalty here in the UK for this very reason. A man called Timothy Evans was hanged for killing his wife. The man who actually killed her, their landlord John Reginald Christie went on to kill many more." ~ NiceOneCenturion
Doesn’t make sense...
"I personally think it should only be used for serial killers or mass killers because they’re just going to be going on and keep doing it. Pickton, Clifford Olson, Ted Bundy deserve it. In Canada Pickton is close to getting out after 25 years. So Canada’s most notorious serial killer will walk free? Doesn’t make sense. You can’t rehabilitate that." ~ jenh6
you killed an innocent...
"Some people undoubtedly deserve death. But how do you make sure you have REALLY got the right person? Judicial mistakes happen, and are more common than we like to admit. Lock someone up, and if there is a mistake you can correct it. Kill him and you are a murderer - you killed an innocent. That is why I am against the death penalty."
"EDIT: Some cases you can be pretty certain. You go to the guy's house, there's bodies buried in the cellar, body parts in the fridge, you know the whole works? Yeah I don't even care if he's mad, some things you shouldn't get away from - and if he's mad, its the sort of mad we don't need to recover."
"Other than this level of certainty? Even outright signed confessions have proven to have been extracted by guile (even going as far as saying "this will help us get the true guilty person!") from the innocent and weak-willed." ~ Tuga_Lissabon
Anders
"So let's take a person like Anders Breivik from Norway who slaughtered more than 70 kids on an island. There is zero doubt he did it. He deserves death, not a cozy cell for ending so many lives and ruining many more. That's where I'm for the death penalty. There is zero doubt he did it. They caught him there, with the guns. The plans. The manifesto." ~ Zonyxe
Gandalf
“Many that live deserve death. And some that die deserve life. Can you give it to them? Then do not be too eager to deal out death in judgement. For even the very wise cannot see all ends.” ~ Not_Zorns_Not_Lemma
"Lord of the Rings. Gandalf to Frodo on why Bilbo didn’t kill Gollum when he had the chance." ~ Helophora
Good points. Some people are truly heinous and need to be put down. But giving other humans that power of life and death, feels extreme.
John Knows...
"Against. Even the tiny chance of an innocent being sent to death is too much. Also the people that do the injection are not trained. Sometimes a few tries before they do correct and they die. There was a John Oliver episode about it that was eye opening." ~ Masfoodplease
Research
"https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_exonerated_death_row_inmatesAs long as the state can’t guarantee that no innocent person ever ends up on death row it is immoral for a state to execute people." ~ Heiminator
"All of them were convicted before the invention and modernization of forensics."
"Therefore it’s not a great argument when we can pinpoint a crime to an exact individual nowadays. Back then it was based mostly of circumstantial evidence but now we can detect the perpetrator with something as small as a strand of hair. That’s why not a single person on that list was convicted after 2005." ~ ___And_Memes_For_All
No Trust
"I don't think the government should have the authority to kill people." ~ DaveSW777
"I barely trust the government to get my identification correct let alone have someone’s life in their hand. They fuck up things on a granular level constantly. Should they really have the power to kill?" ~ ArchiveSQ
Switched
"No. It is better to not kill the guilty than to kill one innocent person by mistake." ~ Plastic-Eagle5966
"I’ve switched over to this side as I’ve gotten older. I used to be on the side of 'if the evidence is there and it’s damning enough, then the convicted should die.' But that first proposition, “if the evidence is there,”... if I’ve learned anything in the past 4 years especially, it’s that we can’t seem to collectively agree on reality in general. So no, seeing as we can’t, as a society, agree on reality, the death penalty should absolutely not be a thing. One innocent person put to death is too much." ~ ThatsMyQuant
Worst of it All...
"Some people definitely deserve to die, but that doesn’t mean anyone else deserves to kill them. Also, it’s kind of a get out of jail free card. I’d take death over life in prison any day (although it usually takes decades for the state to get around to executing people on death row for some reason, so it’s sorta the worst of both worlds)." ~ bananafishandblow
So many sides to one coin. This topic feels like it's never going to find resolution. Which is so often the case when death is involved.
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