Getting disowned by your family can either be absolutely devastating or a massive relief. Either way, usually it's to get rid of toxicity within a family structure, whether on purpose or an unintentional result of the situation.
Here are a few stories about being disowned by family members, from the side of the person who was disowned.
Heads up, these might get a little ugly.
Redditor theconquer0r12 asked:
"Those of you who have been disowned, what was your side of the story?"
First up, here are the ones about family members who definitely dodged a bullet.
These are stories of people who were honestly probably better off without them anyway.
Now THAT’S a toxic family.
I don't consider myself disowned, but I have been cut off from seeing my younger siblings. I've pretty much disowned certain family members myself.
My mother(50) has been abusing her position of EPOA for my Alzheimers addled Grandmother(80) via extortion, and unlike everybody else, I choose to hold her accountable for her actions, because her selfish actions lead to my nana nearly needing her feet amputated from having lack of medical care and attention.
I told everyone what she was doing and nothing happened. No one wants to prosecute her because apparently legal fees are more important than getting my grandmother justice.
So, essentially, I was 'disowned' for exposing her extortion.
At least there was a happy ending.
Mom saw that I'd worn some of her clothes while she was in another province for work. I came home to her screaming that I'd sold thousands of dollars of her clothing to my high school friends (we were so poor we had to steal food; nobody bought any clothes, nobody stole them either lol).
She then said she was going to destroy everything I owned, and in a panic I hid in my room and put the dresser against the door. She started throwing herself against it, and I was terrified to realize she was gonna get in. My lava lamp fell, I caught it, and threw it when she forced the door open. She screamed, I jumped out a window and ran barefoot to a friends house.
She called the police accusing me trying to murder her, I turned myself in and told the police that I did assault her and would accept any charges. They released me to my friends house and told my mom that they'd charge her with child abandonment if she kept pushing.
Her ex best friend drove four days to get me. She signed over the ownership papers and I've had an amazing dad ever since.Giphy
Talk about mommy issues.
My mom decided when I was 13-14 that she didn't want to have kids anymore. Her and my dad divorced. So my dad moved out of the family house and my mom was newly single.
So she gets my sister out first by asking my sister to go away to stay with our dad for the weekend. When my sister came back, my mom had packed all her items in boxes and said, "find somewhere else to live." Sister was maybe 15. Her reasoning is she didn't like the crowd my sister was running with.
With me, I stuck around longer. I took more abuse and neglect. My mom didn't cook, or clean, or have food in the house. And despite getting child support, if I asked for shoes, or anything, "ask your father, don't ask me."
Despite not having food or money, she wouldn't give me the alarm code to the house, or a key. I could only come home if she was home. One day she agreed to drive my friends and I to the movies. Well she and I got into a small argument about something in the morning (I don't remember what) and I left and arrived home in the afternoon. She was home but wouldn't let me in. I was a 13-14 year old kid (before cell phones were that commonplace). Ringing the bell, peering in the windows. She wouldn't let me in. Finally, I found an open window and climbed through and she coldly looked at me and said, "you know, I could have you arrested for breaking into the house if I wanted to."
I went to live with my dad shortly thereafter. She moved away to live with a guy she met from the internet. Sponsored him to come into the country with his 12 year old son. By the time I was 16, she was married and moved the guy in, and bought his son new video games, travel allowance, his own apartment when he was a teenager, and wouldn't even buy me shoes.
Well, she gave this guy access to her bank account and he took all her money. Her entire life savings. All her money in the world. She lost her house and became homeless, my sister took her in at the time.
My mom eventually got back on her feet a little bit, got a job. I tried to repair the relationship and be nice. Never for long.
Finally she had some kind of mental breakdown a few years ago when I was in my early 30's. And called my office demanding I help her. Something happened at work where her mental health went sideways and she started behaving very erratically. For some reason when she called my colleague speaking nonsensically and rambling about me, my colleague decided to give her my number (!!) to take it up with me myself. My colleague said she felt bad after.
So I tried to help my mom, and spent all this time talking to her boss, her union rep, her neighbors, her doctor, trying to help her. And she just kept going crazy and being abusive, not willing to accept my help.
I washed my hands of her.
So she disowned me when she got a better family and then I tried to help her but she tried to take me down with her.
Unfortunately, most of these situations come out of something completely traumatic. Here are a few of the most heart-wrenching stories.
This mother is a monster.
I was told by my mother that my general existence causes more problems than it solves, and I had two weeks to either leave or kill myself. She didn't care which I chose to do, but if I killed myself I needed to make it look like an accident or she couldn't collect on my life insurance. She decided this needed to happen because I'm disabled.
Screw that mess, indeed.
My dad. It was mostly my decision because we used to do hard drugs when I was a kid. Growing up I thought it was normal until friends found out and told me they were worried about me. I first overdosed when I was 14 from drugs he gave me and let me just say it was all downhill from there.
I'm 13 years sober now but I kicked him out of my life around the same time. My dad still says horrible things about me and his whole family believes him... so I cut them all out. It's definitely for the better as I have created my own family with supportive friends. Screw that mess.Giphy
I was disowned but probably by my own choice.
Father died when I was 18. I gave up college to look after him drive him to hospital every other day for tests. He went to hypno sessions I would sit for hours waiting for him. I did it all. My brother was never to be seen he was away living his life. Mother was a heavy drinker. I still lived at home my brother didn't. I was left to put up with drunk abuse from my mum losing her husband of 30yrs.
I looked the double of my dad so for some reason she took it out on me. Or this is what people told me. Changed locks on me after coming home from work all the time and I was stuck. Claimed I was stealing from her. Telling everyone lies about me it was horrible. Nightly abuse shouting at me accusing me of nonsense while drunk. I tried to help but she didn't want to know. Used to call police on me claiming all sorts. They would turn up see my mum being drunk and me in my room chilling and tell her off.
Was very toxic. My brother wasn't interested he was 4 years older than me and just didn't care. Never visited me or my mum. I begged for help and he was just a coward.
One day a friend had a room come up for rent so I packed stuff and just left. She was shocked and surprised. But was the best thing. I used to try keep in touch but just got abuse. Drunken phone calls and threats.
I was 21 at this point and was expecting a child with my partner so decided I had had enough. I cut all ties.
Cue my brother realising my mum had lots of money from my dads retirement and life insurance. Becomes my mums best friend. She buys him everything. Effectively making a deal with the devil. And is scared to talk to me incase she finds out.
Long story short years later turns out my mum had throat cancer he just didn't tell me about until she choked and died suddenly one day. And I get left a voicemail telling me as much. Attended the funeral through gritted teeth.
And then found out I was nowhere on the will. And my brother got the lot. A substantial amount. And I never heard from him again to this day it's been 5 years since my mum died and he just vanished.
I was told I could fight it but that wasn't me. I was never about the money unlike my brother.
And I live hoping he comes knocking one day and needs a kidney so I can tell him to go away kindly.
Family and money is a horrible situation. And I live daily thinking I did something wrong and I can't put my finger on what it was to be treated this way and it haunts me and has left me with many issues.
The wrong family member died first my dad was a gentleman and looking back put up with horrible abuse from my mum. I was like my dad and my brother was like my mum.
Sometimes being disowned is over beliefs, or something someone can’t control. Usually these people end up better off at the end, to be honest.
I was a Jehovah's Witness, and I started asking the wrong questions.
There is now several hundred people that watched me grow up, the only social circle I was allowed to have, that must pretend I don't exist if they ever see me.
WTF to all of this.
Where do I start?
My mother and I have never gotten along. As a child she has been overly critical of me (Asian parent). Even when I was small I remember her telling my Dad "If she can't even cut in a straight line what can she even do?!". I was 5 when she said that. When she realized that I was not going to grow up like she did or have the interests she wanted me to have she grew more critical of me. She laid of a bit when my little sister came around and she favored her more. I always felt like I was never enough in her eyes. She only was affectionate during family get togethers, vacations or sometimes in public.
When I came out of the closet, she didn't believe me. She always said lightheartedly that she would love me no matter what but when push came to shove my bi-ness was just a phase. We then went to church for the next few months afterwards (I was catholic). When I hit depression in my teens each time she picked me up from therapy she always kept asking "When am I going to be ok" or hinting how much my sessions are while on anti-depressants. She then cheated on my dad when I was around 18. When I had my son, she came to be supportive after the birth but ended up critisizing how dirty my place was, my parenting and subtly hinted at calling CPS. Post partum hit hard.britney spears GIFGiphy
What broke the camels back was I was visiting family and her mother's partner kept on making me uncomfortable. Kept trying to don my child with a certain political hat and took video of her saying political stuff I was not ok with. Kept saying I was uncomfortable but was told "You need to take the stick out of your @ss" or "You need to learn to take a joke." The behavior still continued. Then a big confrontation happened and she denied everything of my childhood. My mother said she can't control her partner, he does what he wants despite us telling her its not ok. She then stated and begged for me to get help. I mentally broke. I'm in therapy now but right now I don't know if I can take it if something like this happens again. I am just thankful for my support system now.
I'm probably missing some stuff but at this moment i'm thankful for who I have in my life and that I'm alive.
My biological father is an abusive alcoholic, but also super Christian? And super redneck conservative. He gave up his rights when I was 4, which my mom always told me was for the best. After I found out I was pregnant, he added me on social media and saw where I had shared some posts with pro-choice views. I guess it bothered him because he blocked me lol
But sometimes, the stories are just plain weird.
Sad, but weirdly wholesome.
My 90+ year old grandma has dementia now. Apparently, she disowned some male person some time in her life, and now she gets confused about who exactly she disowned. So, there are days when it's me who was disowned. Sometimes it's one of my brothers, or cousins, or uncles. We all just take turns being disowned for a day. It was tough at first but now we all find it pretty amusing and just a natural part of caring for a senior family member.Giphy
Alcoholism is no joke.
I've been disowned on multiple occasions but the first time it happened my dad (narcissistic alcoholic) got drunk and parked his car in the wrong spot at his apartment so his car got towed. He called me during finals week (I was still awake studying) at 4:30 am asking for a ride to work at 7:00 morning which was only a 5 min drive (he lived 30 min away from me).
I told him I would, but I also worked at 7:00 so I would need to drop him off a little before 6:30 so I can make it to work on time. He told me he would only be dropped off at 7:00 and he did give a flying fck if I was late to work or not. I told him I couldn't do that as I needed to get to work on time, and that I'll drop him at 6:30 or not at all. Cue him calling me every derogatory term for a woman in the book and that I'm "a c*nt just like my mom" (they're divorced).
He sent me this long text about how he's disowning me and never talking to me again, he always loved me and wished I would be a better person when I finally "grow up". I was 22 at the time. He ended taking a taxi cab for the 5 min ride and texted me about it the next morning telling me I owe him for the cab cause I didn't take him. A whole other slew of verbal abuse included in those texts and then he requested $86 from me on Venmo cause I was responsible for him taking a cab and should pay for it.
I wish I could say that I never talked to him after the taxi cab incident but it wasn't until 3 more years of abuse later and A LOT of therapy that I realized I'm not crazy for not wanting him in my life. I have so many other disowning stories from him cause I gave him to many chances, but this one was the most ridiculous.
I've been NC for 5 months now and they have been bliss. I moved across the country 10 months ago and he doesn't even no where I live these days, and the fact that I won't run into him around town is very stress relieving.
This is delusional.
I got disowned by my grandma. My dad passed away when I was 16, she blamed me for everything. The reason he didn't move closer to everyone, why he didn't seek better doctors. It was apparently all my fault. She never spoke me me again and wrote me out of the will.
Talk about gaslighting.
My father was cheating on my mother with a co-worker.
I caught him. Lost respect for him, but could have forgiven him if he came clean and either dumped the other woman, or admitted what was going on and offered my mother a reasonable divorce settlement.
He chose option C, which was to constantly tell my mother she was crazy and making up things. Of course, neither was true.
I never directly confronted him, but stopped communicating with him. I maintained a sliver of hope he would change his ways and our relationship could be salvaged.
He fought my mother over the divorce and denied everything up until the day of the office Christmas party where he announced he had married the other woman.
A year later I received a spite letter from him telling me what a lousy son I was and to go f*ck myself.
I was not upset. I laughed at the nerve he had for blaming me for the breakdown in the relationship.
He died a few years ago. I considered going to the funeral until I heard from an intermediary that I was not welcome there. I was not heartbroken by this news.Giphy
Sad but unfortunately common.
My father has disowned me because he's a Trump supporter and I'm not. I understand he has cut me from his will. My father likes to throw his Trumpism in people's faces but he can't take what he gets gives. The only regret I have is that he won't let my mother talk to me. He has control issues and can't stand it when people disagree with him. I'll not kiss his a** so it's unlikely we'll speak again. I'm ok with that.
Overall, getting disowned sucks, but in the long haul, it can be for the best. People leave our lives for a reason, and it's usually because they're really freakin' toxic.
So if you're going through this, know that it will get better, and you will grow stronger from it.
Surround yourself with the people who love you.
Family doesn't have to be blood related
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Passing on wisdom generation to generation is a life milestone. There are only things that can be taught to you by a parent. Life's meaning is learning as much as we can to impart wisdom onto others that follow, especially if they're our children. A parent/child bond is so special yet so fragile. So treat it with care.
Redditor u/Ajnat75 wanted to hear the advice that boys need to hear most from their dads by asking..... What's the best lesson a father should pass on to his son?
Look Closeseth meyers dabbing GIF by Late Night with Seth Meyers Giphy
Taking responsibility for your actions. It is unbelievable how bad people blame others for their problems and do not look themselves in the mirror to see what they could do better.
Letters from Jail....
My biological dad left me when I was born. He was a felon on the run. One thing he said to me in a letter from jail was. "I was a coward and didn't want to own up to my responsibilities. Look at where I am at now, I will never meet my son again. Don't take advantage of anyone that loves you and wants the best for you, in the end always learn to love one another, take responsibility for your actions, and never abounded your family."
Update : I want to thank everyone for the great comments and awards. I am 24 years old (male). I've accomplished great things and will always thank my dad for given me that drive... I love my step-dad now and he also is an amazing role model. When I have children, I will be the best dad ever. Again thank you for the nice comments, I rarely ever talk about this.
My dad has taught me a few. The two that first come to mind are:
Prepare for the worst but hope for the best
The lessons best learned are the ones that hurt the most.
kindness....Episode 9 Hug GIF by The Simpsons Giphy
The best lesson for me is compassion. My dad would pull over to push broken down cars out of the road.
He would take the homeless guy by the White Castle sliders. He would shovel our neighbors sidewalk. I could go on. He taught me that the burden is lighter if we carry it together.
get a pen
The TWO things that I think are core to teach your kids are empathy and personal responsibility.
This can be reflected in a variety of ways
- it's only a game if both people want to play
- big people watch out for little people
- treat other people the way you would like to be treated
- work before play cromulent_weasel
Know how to cook and clean.
Being a useless bachelor is less charming than you think. After you've found someone, it's the easiest tool you can use to impress them.
Having dinner ready for your partner in a clean kitchen after they've had a long day goes a lonnnng way, and it's really not that much effort.
My dad told me this before I left for college (with a few more sexist points I've omitted) but the message was the same. Don't be a slob, and know how to make a few killer meals.
Treat women like people, not commodities (Cannot believe this wasn't already posted).
As the father of two daughters and a son, this can't be stressed enough. This machismo "don't mess with my daughter" thing? Yes, tone it down a little and teach your daughters about consent and bodily autonomy, but so many dads like this fail to teach this same lesson to their sons.
Teach your sons to treat women how you'd want other people's sons to treat your daughters.
Honestly, take gender out of it and just teach it as a general rule - a rule made out of gold, like some sort of... golden... rule.
Failing is fine so long as you learn from it and try not to repeat it.
From the Web
I see a lot of answers posted here, most of them copied from some "father advice" website. Here's what I am tryin' to teach my kids:
- Respect people and try to understand that sometimes bad people are bad because they had less luck in life.
- Have enough confidence to try and succeeded doing things by yourself.
- Even if you do things by yourself, your family and your friends WILL help you. and69
Feelings....I Love You Hearts GIF by Chippy the Dog Giphy
It's ok to show affection, and say "I love you." Greatest gift my father ever gave me.
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It really is often not the student's fault when they're acting out. Crazy behavior in the classroom can so easily mirror crazy circumstances at home.
More often than not, teachers learn this lesson the hard way: through parent teacher conferences, phone calls, or other events in which they are unprepared to meet the source of crazy, erratic, or disrespectful behavior.
Parents have been through it all before--something kids forget.
And they try so hard to start keeping their lives a secret....so so hard. But, they most often fail.
Why? Because, they haven't been through it before.
Here were some of those answers.
I just found out that my six-year-old locks the bathroom door so he can get some privacy. Last night I looked across the kitchen to see the door slightly ajar and my son engaging in his private time.
I didn't say anything, just watched him finish his 5 reps, flex in the mirror and then walk out of the bathroom.
Alexa Go Bye Bye
My two year old dropped our Echo dot and split into two pieces. She attempted to sandwich it back together and put it back where it was but now says stuff like "alexa play mickey mouse" and then when nothing happens she says "uh oh alexa what happen?" You know damn well what happen and it's HAPPENED.
The Ravioli Files
A few years ago, I was going through my son's (3rd grade) backpack and found a can of ravioli. That's all well, except I never bought any ravioli. When I asked him about it, he burst into tears and and pulled out a box under his bed filled with Ravioli! He then proceeded to tell me how this girl that picks on him and says they are married gives him ravioli everyday and makes him take it. I can just picture this girl's mother telling her the way to a man's heart is through his stomach.
In Pursuit Of Creativity
My daughter is trying to impress me by learning origami. She's 7 and doesn't think that Dad can see all the missing paper and the (messily but improving a lot) paper cranes hidden throughout her room. I bought 2 more reams of paper and just left them out on accident. Lazy old dad not putting up his office supplies.
Taking Care Of Legalities
My 4 year old 'wrote' a letter she keeps in her bottom drawer. When me and my husband die she will come home and get it.
We're not allowed look at it or touch it but apparently it says that we gave her loads of money and she gave us loads of pictures.
I'm not sure what this says about her or us, but it will be interesting how long she keeps said letter. It's been a month so far.
Healthy Midnight Snacking
My kid would get up in the middle of the night and want a snack. He would sneak into the kitchen and eat a whole tomato except the little circle where it connected to the stem.
He hid the little stem circles under whatever was on top of the trash and would go to sleep.
We always made sure there were tomatoes for him.
To Be Prepared
My nine year old step daughter was in her room one day for like hours with markers and papers. I thought she was drawing or making a picture book or something so I let it slide. It turns out she had our calendar and was making cards for everyone for every holiday and birthday coming up. I haven't asked her about it but I'm honestly super proud of her logic and long term planning abilities.
Adulthood Comes Fast
He's 18. He will wait until we go to bed and then hop the back fence to go to 7 Eleven for a slurpee. After a couple of weeks of this we confronted him and told him:
- You're 18 so there is no curfew.
- Hopping fences looks like criminal activity and our neighborhood watch is on point.
- You have a driver's license so take the car.
- Don't act like you're fooling us. You're an adult now. Want a slurpee? Go get it. You have money.
My three year old thinks I don't know that she raids the snack cupboard when I'm out of the room (her face is usually full of chocolate after). She also thinks I can't see her when she covers her eyes, so sneaks around me thinking she's in stealth mode to get to something she shouldn't.
My son (7) is hiding that he secretly loves forest school (summer club). Each day I pick him up, he moans that they don't do many activities, that it's terrible, no one wants to play with him and it isn't fun.
The photos posted on their social media say other wise, as well as the occasional slip ups when telling us stories around the dining table...
It really is often not the student's fault when they're acting out. Crazy behavior in the classroom can so easily mirror crazy circumstances at home.
More often than not, teachers learn this lesson the hard way: through parent teacher conferences, phone calls, or other events in which they are unprepared to meet the source of crazy, erratic, or disrespectful behavior.
Training For Klepto CollegeGiphy
Elementary teacher here. We had a student who wouldn't stop stealing things out of other kids backpacks. We had caught him on camera and would call the parents and they would just say "no, that's his insert stolen item, we just bought it for him." Then, we get him on a positive behavior plan and create intentional lessons about empathy to others, setting goals to get what you want, the difference between wants/needs etc.
Eventually, he gets enough positive days in a row that he gets released from the behavior plan and receives a free bike as his incentive for good behavior (they were donated to the school by a local bike shop). The next day he tells me his uncle stole it and pawned it. He went right back to his old behaviors and it was heartbreaking.
That's No Parking Space
I had a student last year who was new to the school. Really nice, friendly, shy and hilariously absent minded. He would come to school at least 2 days a week with either his shirt on backwards, inside out or both.
So I wanted to talk to his parents about how his absent mindedness was affecting his learning. Mom shows up at 5. Dad shows up 1hr late. We have a good chat and they get up to go. As I'm walking them out I said I will show you the shortest way to the parking lot.
The dad replies with I didn't park in the parking lot so I said "You can go the same way to the street." He said "I couldn't find the parking entrance so I just drove around and parked on asphalt play area." Sure enough I walk by and his car is next to the play ground.
So it all came together after that.
When It Crosses The Line Of Sad
This one's sad. I was a camp counselor and I had a girl in my cabin with issues. She was attention seeking, kind of a mean girl, and generally wasn't liked by a lot of the camp. I honestly didn't give her a lot of 1 on 1 attention, which is something I deeply regret in retrospect. I only understood the issue because I was bus staff. This was a sleepover camp.
Her session was 2 weeks and her parents had elected for her to take the bus back and they'd pick her up. The bus was early but plenty of parents showed up early they were so excited to see their kids. As we got closer to pickup time, the crowd dwindled until there were just a few left.
A staff member asked for the kids still there so they could make phone calls. All but one were in traffic and on their way.
My camper's parents said no. They said they had two more days of freedom, they wouldn't take her, and said we needed to put up with her for a couple more days. They each said this individually and hung up. Neither responded to follow-up calls. Staff told me to go home and they were left to figure that one out. My parents always hated me, but this was shocking to me. That someone's parents would absolutely refuse to let their 12-year-old into their house.
High school teacher, and we have something called Soft Lockdowns (known as Shelter in Place by some schools) where doors are shut and locked but classes continue as normal. These are pretty common and can be used for anything from a medical emergency (want everyone out of the hallway if someone needs to be cared for, because high schoolers are nosy) to a fugitive running around the neighborhood.
We've been in many soft lockdowns because parents have come to the school ready to hunt down and beat the crap out of a teacher. They usually come in the front office (can't access the rest of the school without someone opening the secured door) screaming, cussing, threatening everyone in the area, you get the picture. Often, they're removed by the SRO and given a criminal trespass citation.
We have a pretty high rate of fights and violence between students. When I see parents acting this way, it all make sense.
Things That Are Normal Where You Live But Crazy Anywhere Else | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
A bit different because this is a positive story!
I'm not a teacher but I TA'd for a freshman chemistry class last year, so college kids but ones that were in high school like three or four months previously. One kid in my section was amazing: scary smart, always got great marks on assignments, asked fantastically phrased questions that the professor loved to answer, was a joy to be around during the lab section because he was so easy to be friendly with; he clearly loved and excelled at the work and enjoyed being in the environment, which definitely extended to the rest of his lab group (they were consistently the most talkative but also got the highest marks on assignments).
About halfway through the semester we introduce a concept that he struggled with a bit so he came to a few tutoring sessions and he was a joy to help 1 on 1. Our third tutoring session was in the campus Starbucks and went late so he had to get his dad to pick him up because his ride to campus that day had already left. His dad came a bit early so he ordered a drink and sat down with us for a bit and I immediately understood where this kid got everything from.
His dad was wicked smart (asked relevant questions in a way that made me think about the material in serious depth, same way that his son did), cracked a couple of dad jokes that made me laugh, and was beyond easy to talk to, to the point where we had stayed an extra 30 minutes beyond what we were supposed to, swapping between going over the material and cutting up. Just a joy to be around from day 1 until the day of the final and the apple clearly didn't fall far from the tree.
I had a student many years ago, call him M. He was a sweetheart in the classroom, never answered back, did as he was told, engaged and interesting. But, outside of class, he wasn't allowed to be around other students, escorted class to class, because he would start a fight EVERY time, and i mean that. I could not wrap my head around it, until Parents Evening.
His Dad was a hulk of a man, mother was sadly deceased. He was clearly abusive. He kept his hand on the back of M's neck, leading him around like that. M looked like he was going to his own execution. Was told later that authorities were involved, but M lashes out all the time because it was the only time he felt he had some control. Would never talk back to an adult because he was just scared of us all. He didn't make it the year before he disappeared, but I still think about him.
The Lies, Margaret, The Lies
I had a student who repeatedly lied about assignments, saying he'd turned them in and his teachers had lost them. As a team with admin present, we conferenced with mom and dad, who deflected and provided excuses that he just "doesn't like school," and, "if my son says he did something, he did it. We value integrity in our family." Three months later some friends of mine invited me to a bar a few towns away to see a band perform. Near the end of the night, I ran into the mom who is out on a date with a man who isn't her husband. From that point on, she wouldn't return any of my emails or calls about the son's behavior. She is now an administrator in another county.
No Devils Here, Son
I teach elementary music but I also assist in before school care. There was one boy (3rd grade) who was sitting at a table with several other students. One girl was attempting to engage with the boy and he abruptly stands up, points at the girl, and screams "YOU ARE THE DEVIL". Obviously at this age there needs to be intervention because you can't talk to other in that fashion or with that language. We always try and talk through emotions rather than explode.
Call the mom and explain the situation. The moms first and only response is "Well, if he called her the devil, she probably is the devil"
Pretty clearly can tell where that behavior comes from.
Not me, but a friend of mine is a professor at a Christian college. They had a student who wanted to do a topic about how "being gay is a sinful choice" and the only source they listed was their dad. When the teacher said that their assignment needs to be something that has academic backing, the student responded by claiming that their dad is an expert on the "choice of gayness".
I See MyselfGiphy
Not a teacher, but am a parent. The story I always think of when I see a question like this is when I had a routine pre report card conference with my son's first grade teacher. She was telling me about how he didn't take some of his school work seriously and sometimes didn't finish it.
As an example, she took out a handwritten book that he had written about penguins as an assignment. It started out nice, with legit penguin facts, and then after the first ten pages, it became a bit silly and then ended abruptly with: "A penguin has never seen a leprechaun."
I started laughing; I couldn't help it. I was doubled over gasping for air, crying from laughing so hard. The teacher obviously didn't think it was funny, and seemed surprised that I was cracking up, but she politely conceded that "maybe it was a little funny." I'm 100% sure that she thought to herself, "ugh that's where he gets it."
She Probably Don't
I called home because a kid was coming to school inappropriately dressed every day. I'm not playing the "girls's bodies are distracting" card, I'm worried because the kid is dressed like she's about to work a corner. Of course I don't put it that way to mom, I just mention the kid is violating the school dress code and start to explain how when I'm interrupted with " You just jealous cause you don't look as good as she do "
This Is What We Call "Awful"
I had these two teenage girls in my class who were best friends, but they started acting really strange around each other. A couple days into this weird behavior I heard a loud commotion outside my classroom. Both of the girls' fathers were having a fist fight right outside my room, and the girls were screaming like banshees. I found out later that one of the girl's dad had been banging the friend and she spilled the beans.
When It's ALL GeneticGiphy
Had a kid in 3rd grade who could not focus. All over the place. ADHD for sure, though it's not my job to diagnose. Mom came in for report card. I couldn't get the mom to focus. Every time I'd start talking about something ("So, here are your son's reading grades... Here's how he did in comprehen..." "How about math? How's he doing in math?" I'd try to redirect her, but she'd interrupt me to go onto something else. After a while I thought whatever, handed her the report card, and told her to contact me with any questions.
Not a teacher, but I had a kid in class, we were about 10 y\o, and he was a bully, hitting people and stuff. The teachers and the principal were being soft with him, trying to make him correct his ways. At the end of the year we had an activity where the principal talked in front of the whole school. The father of the said kid just came up, head-butted the principal, and sent her straight to the hospital.
It would have to be the mother who was a teacher herself, though not at my school. I got a rough draft from a student (who was 16/17) that was 90% copied directly from Wikipedia, hyperlinks and all. I called the mom and explained he would be receiving a zero for the rough draft assignment as a result of plagiarism. She called a conference to defend it because I never explicitly said they couldn't copy and that he should get another chance because it was a rough draft. Never mind the Honor Code each student signs at the beginning of the school year that explicitly laid out plagiarism and the standard consequence of a zero, I guess.
The Best Of The Best
Ive only seen one positive one so let me add another. I teach high school art, and I had one student who wasn't technically advanced but always was smiling and trying his hardest. He was always cracking jokes to his friends, to the point of where his friends would sometimes be annoyed cause they were the corny kind of jokes. But I was always laughing and he never gave up and keep smiling.
For the end of the year, if the kids took home all the artwork and took photos of their parents looking at their work and showed me the photos, they got extra credit. So he brought in photos of his parents looks at his work and oh my god they were hilarious! His mom and dad looking shocked and amazed in one, put on serious faces and hats and looking sternly at his self-portrait, ridiculous gasps and expressions, the whole nine yards. I laughed so hard! It made so much sense that such a fun loving kid had parents like that, that were willing to joke around for his extra credit.