People's Hypothetical Reactions If Their Partner Said 'I'll Marry You If You Lose Weight'
It's 2022, and fortunately, finally, more people have gotten on the proper body positivity train.
But there are still those who believe that thinner is better, and Reddit's ready to call them out on it.
One Redditor addressed this by asking:
"What would your reaction be if your partner told you, 'I'll marry you if you lose weight'?"
Concern or Love?
"My girl told me to lose some weight, but in my case, I believe she had the right to it."
"I am getting older. She told me she doesn't want to build a life to have me die because of something I have complete control over."
"I think there are legitimate reasons for someone to have that as a condition to spend their lives together. But if their reasons are 'no fatties,' then run away. They don't care about you."
- Gotd4mit
A Healthy Ultimatum
"I can actually chime in as someone who gave something of a sort-of ultimatum like in the question!"
"My partner is obese (approx 250 at 5'9 / ~115 at 175). He's always been overweight but had recently gained more when I met him. It wasn't something that happened over the course of the relationship."
"The issue I have with it has nothing to do with being attracted to him or anything like that (definitely plenty attracted to him), it's health and function."
"He has an injury to his knee that already makes it challenging for him to climb stairs multiple times or run, but the extra weight exacerbates it. He has sleep apnoea which we believe is caused by his weight (CPAP hasn't worked, not interested in surgical interventions at this time and they'd ask him to lose weight first)."
"The impact this has on us now is that we sleep in separate bedrooms and can't do some activities together."
"We're going to have kids, so the future impact might be he'll genuinely struggle to look after or play with said kids (if he can't run around the yard with them, or just do all the physical things young kids require, for example)."
"He has healthy blood pressure, cholesterol, etc., for now, but being obese puts him at an elevated risk for a bunch of entirely preventable conditions."
"SO, fairly early on, I gave an 'ultimatum' that was basically 'by the time we get married, I want to share a bedroom, and I want you to be able to enjoy our kids' youth.'"
"To move from obese to overweight, he'd need to lose approx 55lbs/25kg which is a lot, and there's no real way of knowing how much weight he'd have to lose for the sleep apnoea to get better or his knee to work."
"I mean. I'm going to marry him anyway, and he knows that. But at least it's out there how seriously I take it."
"I try to support him even though it's kind of completely outside my realm of expertise because I don't think just saying, 'do this or I'll leave' is fair, kind, or going to get any of the results you're looking for."
- kitsunevremya
A Brutal Look in the Mirror
"I wouldn’t blame her, I’ve gotten fat as f**k."
- SergeStorms_offmeds
Something to Look Forward To
"I'd say, 'cool beans!'"
"I'm plodding away on my journey at 289lbs today... I'm down from 460 at my worst (somehow I seem to be getting away with it without any loose skin so far, which is a welcome bonus)."
"I am under extremely few illusions about the fact I still look like a fat sack of crap and my own relative attractiveness as a prospect, though. I mean, the mental image of a blubber-mountain jiggling and wheezing away over someone gives me the ick!"
"While I'm doing it entirely for my own sake, and I think it's essential to do so, someone willing to look beyond my current condition to who I am as a person and decide they'd potentially like to spend the rest of their life with me, isn't without value."
"As such, far from seeing it as a cruel ultimatum, it seems more like accepting the reality that I'm still just not there yet, but... when I drop another 50-75lbs and more importantly add some tone, I should start scrubbing up quite nicely."
- volster
The Reason Matters
"I think the reason they want this really matters."
"I had a morbidly obese mom who most likely died from being obese. It was very hard on her and me. I grew up with her crying about being overweight and the pain she was in."
"It got to the point where she first had to use a walker and then a wheelchair. She had a lap band surgery but managed to stay obese."
"I'm currently obese myself and have health problems related to it. I'm working on losing weight and have lost 50 pounds so far. I plan to lose more before considering dating again."
"Considering how hard it was for me to lose my mom and all her suffering, I don't want to date someone who isn't at a healthy weight or at least working on losing weight. I wouldn't fault someone feeling the same about me."
- brokenjasper
Self-Respect Has Entered the Chat
"If they word it in a way that they simply only want to be with me if my appearance changes, I'll tell them to f**k off."
"But if they're worried about my health and my weight is a part of that, then I'll be a little more understanding."
- CyberWolfWrites
A Tough Reality
"A person who won't marry you unless you look a certain way is a person who will divorce you if you don't look a certain way."
- Superman246o1
So This Is Love
"If I was super obese and my partner was trying to push me to be better, then I would take it to heart and work on myself. If I'm not obese and they are just doing it to attack me, then I would tell them to f**k off."
"I'd hope if someone actually cares about me and I let myself go that they would call me out on it. Being obese is nothing to glorify."
"A lot of comments are trying to justify in sickness and in health and that they would leave just because of the ultimatum but as a comparison, if your partner was a non-abusive alcoholic and wanted to get married, would you ask them to quit drinking before you marry them? Would you be offended if your partner asked you to quit drinking if you wanted to get married?"
"Both are self-destructive tendencies. I sure as hell would not be marrying a heavy alcoholic or someone obese but if I love that person I'd speak my mind and give them the opportunity to change."
- COYFC
Uno Reverse
"I'd say, 'Same goes for you. Let's hit the gym now since we're both fat.'"
- CommanderPringles
Addicted to Love Food
"My ex had a food addiction and I couldn't hack it. I did love her for her but I didn't fancy her in the end."
"I tried to help with diets and exercise since it had rubbed off on me also. I was over 20kg heavier than I was before I met her. Our whole relationship by the end of it evolved around this problem."
"We split up years ago, but straight away, I got back down to a healthy size."
"She tried to demonize me over it but in my mind, it's the same as a drug or alcohol addiction. It's not good for your health."
- LowerPick7038
The Importance of Attraction
"I literally just saw a thing about how boundaries aren't an expectation to be pushed on others, they're a defined plan of action for yourself. So this kind of scenario should play out differently:"
"A judgment, not a boundary: I'll marry you if you lose weight."
"A boundary: I cannot be in a permanent partnership with someone I don't find attractive, and I don't find you attractive at your current size."
- SickSigmaBlackBelt
Their Own Conditions
"I'm foreign. If I ever gained weight my entire family would be very blunt about it, in a non-mean way. Just, it is what it is. And if I don't like it. Well then stop whining and eat less."
"Anyway, If I thought I was an appropriate weight and my SO (significant other) demanded an even better physique... Maybe, but I'm getting something out of this deal. Probably sex stuff. And snacks."
"If you demand a king, I will demand a queen."
- FailosoRaptor
Relationship Practicalities
"In my most recent relationship, we had an issue where we were just different people. I like hiking, skating, and swimming. She didn't. Not because those activities weren't fun to her, but because she was physically unable to do those things due to an excess of weight."
"She wasn't immobile by any means, and in fact, I thought she looked pretty great physically, but the fact remained that if she had lost some weight and been more physically active we would have been able to do so much more together."
"Weight isn't just about looks. She was more than just okay in my eyes, she was beautiful. But her weight was an issue nonetheless, and I don't think I could start a relationship with someone of a similar weight to her again."
"It feels bad, but at the end of the day, there were certain things we just couldn't do, and no amount of positivity could change the fact that she couldn't go bouldering with me, or go on a long walk through a forest."
-Replyance
Immediate Weight Loss
"I can lose 200lbs right now... by dumping them."
- duhduhduhdummi_thicc
Healthy Boundaries
"I guess it depends on whether I felt I needed to lose the weight, and if they were nice about it."
"My ex-husband wanted me to lose weight when I was only 130 pounds at 5'5. He wanted me to go back to my 19-year-old anorexic weight of 95-100 pounds which wasn't healthy at all. And he was perfectly willing for me to become anorexic again to do so."
"The real kicker was that he was 330 pounds and wasn't willing to diet at all. So instead of losing the 30 pounds, he wanted me to lose, I got rid of him. Best 330 pounds I ever lost."
- foxylady315
While the question on its own sounds terrible, the subReddit understood that it depended on the delivery and reason behind the question.
Relationships sometimes require tough conversations, started out of love, and weight loss can be part of that.
But if someone is purely looking for aesthetics, they can go look for that somewhere else.
Image by Rudy and Peter Skitterians from Pixabay |
Sometimes you just gotta walk away. Love is love and it's fabulous and all that jazz, but that doesn't mean it's meant to be... forever.
And no one wants to hurt another person's feelings, especially someone you're in a relationship with; unless they really deserve it. But more often than not, a lot of marriage proposals seem ill timed and not well thought out.
Like, you just cheated on me or stole my money, a "Will you marry me?" does NOT an "I'm sorry" make.
Redditoru/tommygunz007wanted to chat with the ladies out there about the times they just had to say... "No!" They asked:
[Serious] Women of Reddit who were proposed to by their SO and said no, what's your story?
I am the one who will be proposed to. I decided that long ago. So I'll never have to worry about hearing a no. I just have to figure out my "NO" delivery. I jest...
Thank you Timing
thank god singing GIF by WE tvGiphy"I loved him, If he asked me to get married 3 days before I would've said yes, BUT I received a message 2 days before the proposal from someone telling me that he was part of a gang, with proof and everything."
Isn't it weird?
"An ex, I told him things were going downhill and I wanted to end things so he decided to propose to me (thank god not in public) as an attempt to get me to stay. I said no."
- Lust-Exe
"Isn't it weird? We had problems and he was too lazy to work on them. It wasn't when I bought books, it wasn't when I wanted to talk, it wasn't when I suggested counselling, it wasn't when I gave him a deadline for leaving, it was when the deadline was reached and I was packing that he decided he wanted to "save the relationship" by asking me to marry him. Freaking lazy."
Stalker No
"He brought me up to his apartment about a 2 hour drive from my college. I was basically trapped there. He asked me while he was feeling insecure about the relationship and figured a proposal would lock me in place. I dodged it for a few days, but I needed to get back to classes and he wouldn't take me back till I said yes. I figured he was a bright guy and would come to his senses eventually. He got me back to school. Eventually he realized that coercion is not a good proposal strategy."
- Selenay1
Try Again
"He proposed as a knee-jerk reaction when we were going through a rough patch. It was a pretty inappropriate gesture and I told him no and why it was a no. He wasn't being flippant, just turns out he was scared of where our relationship was going. We ended up working on ourselves and were married five years later."
- JennaLS
Inked No
Cbs No GIF by HULUGiphy"He thought asking me to marry him and tattooing 'private property of' would be a good way to make me forget serial cheating."
See, now how did these guys not see this coming? They really thought marriage was just the simple answer. SMDH. Men can really be dim.
I Remember
Baby No GIF by MOODMANGiphy"He was proposing to show how he was fully committed and dedicated to me and only me after he was caught cheating."
To the Pawn Shop
"Sold my great grandmom's wedding set to buy a gaudy diamond monstrosity of a ring. I had asked him to use the engagement ring to propose with as I would have been the fourth generation to wear it. He said it was ugly and awful and wouldn't have his "woman" wearing second hand garbage. I dumped his butt and got the set back from the pawn shop. Just realized this was the second time I dumped a guy based on this kind of behavior. I sure can pick 'em."
People Explain The Worst Thing That's Ever Happened To Them On Their Birthday
why propose now?
"Dating a guy for a few years. Was 20 years old at the time. Very controlling, wasn't going great. We were opening Christmas presents with his family when he asked. He proposed while saying he loved the woman I would become one day. I said yes in public, but no in private. If you don't even love me now, why propose now? Needless to say it didn't last long."
happy endings
"About 3 or 4 months after we started dating he asked. It was a moment... we had a fun night out, a little buzzed, in a cab over the Williamsburg Bridge looking at the NYC skyline, weather was beautiful... I think we were both feeling immortal. But I said, you know... I'm saying no now because we haven't been dating so long and we've had a bit to drink and we're just caught up in the moment. He seemed dejected. He was still dejected days later. That said, a few years later after we'd been together long enough I said yes and we got hitched so we still got the happy ending!"
Oh Auntie
Go Go Go Running GIFGiphy"A girl I was casually dating, not even in a relationship with, proposed in front of her toddler niece and nephews and a LARGE crowd of people at the aquarium. Even asked her nephew, "Do you want OP to be Auntie OP?" with the ring in hand. I said yes in public and then no privately. Never saw her again after that one."
- SpyJane
Too Handsome
"A few years back, I was dating this guy. At first, he seemed very kind, sweet and happy. Handsome too. I thought he was a great catch, especially as some toxic friends of mine were lowering my self esteem. A few months after we started dating, he started changing. It was subtle at first, he would stop spending time with me and blaming me for it. Then came the gaslighting and manipulation."
"He started isolating me from my family, and hurting me when I refused to do things for him. Eventually, I got the strength to deal with the situation and tell him that we were over. To get me to stay, he hosted a large party with lots of friends and publicly asked me to marry him. I said no."
Maybe Brunch?
"Ex asked me over lunch to marry him. He'd broken up with me about once a week for the last few months over nothing. He had serious emotional/mood issues that have now been diagnosed but he was just a really difficult person to be around in general. I started laughing because it was just absolutely ridiculous."
"He asked why I was laughing and I brought up how he broke up with me every single week. He flat out said he wanted to get married because then he knew he wouldn't be able to leave, as if that stopped people from just getting a divorce ??? We broke up for good not long after this but the whole thing was bananas."
Panic
"We were looking at houses, and I had a panic attack whilst he was checking out the bedrooms. And I realised he was the worst person to live with. He had incredible temper tantrums, that he had threatened to hit our future children (if they touched his Dr. Who collection), but no one knew and thought he was perfect for me."
Maybe This Time
Meh Kinda GIF by CulturaGiphy"I've said "not yet" twice. The first person and I broke up, the second person and I have been married for more than fifteen years."
When in Paris
"We were 19 & 21 and had been together for 2 years. He took me to Paris, pulled out all the stops and proposed under the Eiffel Tower. I told him it wasn't a no, it was a not yet (if he would wait). I wanted to travel and knew I was too young for marriage. We ended up travelling together, making amazing memories through the years - we got engaged when I was 24 and married when I was 27 in the most perfect service and have been happily married 4 years next week!"
In the 90s...
"A friend from high school whom I had known for about a year proposed to me while I was in my first semester of college. The proposal was made over the phone, long distance (this was in the late 1960's). I never saw him as more than a great friend. My Mom thought he was really great which was nice but, no reason to basis a marriage. He really was a nice guy and we had fun together but, I was not "in love" with him."
"A few years ago I found out that he died of cancer in the mid 1980's and I was sorry to learn of his death. We did not keep in touch and I only saw him once after the proposal and he had married a lovely woman who I thought suited him. Seems I was wrong as she divorced him at some point."
How Generic
Basketball Wives Ugh GIF by VH1Giphy"One ex always proposed when we were fighting and I was about to leave. Some times literally mid yelling would just drop to one knee. I always said "No. I don't want a proposal to end a fight. I want it to be special."
Try Again
"My mom said no to my dad the first time. He'd decided that he wanted to spend his life with her and wanted that to start asap. Still, they'd been dating less than a year and she was very nervous about rushing into things, even though they were madly in love."
"After a few days of continued discussion, she came around to his point of view (i.e. if we're talking about starting a family, why bother postponing the legalities?) So they got married 6 weeks later and here we all are after 33 years, with them still madly in love."
The Cheats
"I had a boyfriend cheat on me SO many times. The break up was hard, but then he got activated from the military reserves. I didn't meet anyone till 2 months before he came back. The whole time I wanted him back, but he and I weren't really officially together, and I knew he was talking to another girl the whole time he was gone."
"He came back, and saw the other girl first (he says to break up with her, ya right) and I realized I didn't like him, thank God! He showed up at my apartment, saw me with my new boyfriend, and proposed in a crying fit. It was horrid. 3 months earlier and I'd have done it, but thank god for the timing of things."
Stop Assuming
Pop Tv No GIF by Schitt's CreekGiphy"He bought me a ring as a Christmas present. The proposal came the day after with him saying "by the way, that's an engagement ring". He tried the same thing again the year after. Told him both times that if he couldn't even ask me whether I wanted to actually marry him or not, I didn't want the rings."
See, this is why those big public spectacle proposals are not a great idea. Look up the Beyonce dancer who Beyonce stopped the show for so her dancer's BF could propose. It was beautiful and funny and anointed by the Queen. And it didn't work out. That yes was pressure. So think and be sure gentlemen before you involve Beyonce.
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Guy Spent Six Months Altering His Girlfriend's Favorite Disney Movie Into An Incredible Marriage Proposal
In theory, you only get to propose to your significant other once in a lifetime.
Some people prefer a more relaxed approach to popping the question, but some prefer to create a proposal that is unforgettable.
One guy spent six months preparing for his happily ever after, setting the bar higher for proposals everywhere.
When Lee Loechler decided to propose to his girlfriend, Sthuthi David, he did everything in the next six months to ensure the proposal would be perfect.
Loechler, an artist in animation, worked with a small team of fellow animators to recreate the most iconic scene from Disney's Sleeping Beauty, which also happens to be David's favorite Disney film.
Easily the most beloved scene of all time from the film is the moment when the prince discovers and kisses the princess, awaking the sleeping Aurora from her curse. During this scene, when the prince appears at the princess's side, Loechler got to work, replacing Aurora with an animated version of David, and replacing the prince with an animated version of himself.
Instead of the prince leaning down to kiss the cursed princess, Loechler the Prince proposes to an awakening Princess David.
In a video that's gone viral, Loechler recorded a split screen of the event, showing the personalized version of the film alongside his and David's reactions to the film.
When Aurora first appears on screen, depicted with David's dark hair and tan skin, David starts making a confused face up at the screen. Her confusion appears to worsen when the new prince appears on screen. Even at the point when the prince proposes, David still appears confused.
But Loechler made the moment even better by creating the illusion that his Prince Charming self threw the boxed ring to him, from screen to audience. At this point, he turns to his future bride to propose, much to the delight of the audience behind them, filled with their friends and family.
From redrawing the animation of the film, to selecting a ring, to renting out a theater space to show the film, and inviting all of their friends and family for their special moment, Loechler truly pulled out all the stops to make this the best moment on their way to the couple's happily ever after.
Loechler even created a "Plan B" film reaction at the very end of the movie, just in case his future bride declined his proposal. When the sad reaction to David's acceptance starts to play, it added a hilarious, and certainly charming, twist to the end of his proposal.
You can watch the proposal, with the adapted film, here:
Reddit users are loving the proposal, and the video has gone viral on Twitter.
This is beautiful and amazing https://t.co/YXJb1jKyNZ— #resist (@#resist) 1578851474
This is so cute! ❤️😍 https://t.co/165dsHRt7D— Kristine Socea (@Kristine Socea) 1578848050
Well, that’s love... wow. ❤️ https://t.co/Ah2SjFj1ra— Jodie Fitzgibbon (@Jodie Fitzgibbon) 1578846143
Wow! The bar has been set for creative marriage proposals. What else do y’all have because this guy will not be out… https://t.co/sbiPo6N7AK— Sharon Sims (@Sharon Sims) 1578843572
The bar has just been raised 👏👏👏👏👏 How amazing is this proposal 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰 https://t.co/49cr0lsLdh— LaniNicholson (@LaniNicholson) 1578854386
As far as proposals go this is probably the gold standard ! #wedding #proposal #Disney #SleepingBeauty https://t.co/nr8NAypUdq— Rajeev Pawar (@Rajeev Pawar) 1578847397
This is the greatest proposal video I have ever seen!! 😱😱😱 https://t.co/gWCGTLzsFD— Dr. Anna O'Sullivan (@Dr. Anna O'Sullivan) 1578840709
How could she not say yes https://t.co/kNVGVwv44c— David Sabella (@David Sabella) 1578840690
This guy crushed it and ruined proposals for everyone forever https://t.co/SEMy4WNWjf— Foster Mommy Barb (@Foster Mommy Barb) 1578790897
Loechler certainly set the bar high for future proposals everywhere, but more importantly, he reminded everyone to make them personal to the couple, to make them fun and to roll with any mistakes that may come up along the way.
You can get the Disney classic Sleeping Beauty here.
A Group Of Curious Otters Just Photobombed A Marriage Proposal—And It's The Cutest 😍
Marriage proposals are pretty high up on the list of life's most memorable moments, but this one may be more memorable than most.
Many "proposers" go all-out, planning the big moment for months for maximum impact. Usually, at moments like these, surprises are the last thing you want — unless you're a particular British couple who recently got engaged in Singapore.
Jordan Doyle and Mary Lister were enjoying their big moment in a park in Singapore that's well known for a family of otters that call it home. The otters are called the Bishan 10 (which sounds like they have mafia ties or something and is just a delight) and live in nearby Marina Bay. The Bishan 10 are world-famous: they've been the stars of a David Attenborough documentary, the subject of multiple Facebook groups, they've been studied by academics, and frequently appear on the news.
On their trip to Singapore, Jordan and Mary wanted to see the otters up close and personal, and contacted local photographer Bernard Seah to take them to see the furry little guys. Jordan wanted to pop the question during the excursion while the otters swam nearby. Cute! Memorable!
But they got far more than they bargained for!
As Jordan got down on one knee, some of the otters ran over to investigate the couple's big moment!. (Except for one otter who couldn't be bothered because romance is dead. He just walked away, over it. Relatable!)
Seah posted the image to his Facebook account where it quickly went viral as people found it "otterly" adorable.
We hope you enjoyed that pun, because people used it over and over on social media!
@BBCNews It’s an Otter blessing— Nyasha (@Nyasha) 1542727962.0
@sphasiaone They wouldn’t have had it any otter way.— Gayle Fajardo (@Gayle Fajardo) 1542804450.0
@wlovesavannah @sphasiaone It’s so great when we bring out the best in each otter. #WednesdayMotivation #HappyThanksgiving— Gayle Fajardo (@Gayle Fajardo) 1542818347.0
@sphasiaone That’s just his crew. They provided emotional support and courage. Otterly devoted.— Princess Shuri of Wakanda (@Princess Shuri of Wakanda) 1542812088.0
But there were more than just puns. People were truly delighted by this adorable spectacle.
@sphasiaone Otters: “...say yes gurl say yesssss...” 😁🙏🏾— DJ YΛGGΛ 🇯🇲🇺🇸 (@DJ YΛGGΛ 🇯🇲🇺🇸) 1542802421.0
@BBCNews I find it beautiful that wildlife honoured this moment.— Rachel Melrose (@Rachel Melrose) 1542729635.0
Best. Photobomb. Ever 🐾 https://t.co/Z4VDjMSAOG— Alix Kroeger (@Alix Kroeger) 1542711133.0
@912CroozeFM The otters approve. I predict a long and happy marriage. #shedidsayyesdidntshe— Tansy (@Tansy) 1542795603.0
@912CroozeFM The otters just wanted to find out when they were going to be receiving their wedding invitations. 😄— Johnplatt1278/everlong (@Johnplatt1278/everlong) 1542793474.0
Anyway, good luck topping this otterly unique proposal, soon-to-be-married types!