It's never beneficial to anyone to jump to judgment.
Especially if it's based on one simple action.
It's entirely likely that you might have caught that individual on a bad day, having a bad moment, or just experiencing a rare lapse of judgment.
Leading them to behave in a way that is not at all indicative of who they really are.
Even so, we still often find ourselves passing judgment on people, including total strangers.
Making assumptions, for better or worse, on the sort of person they are based on their public behavior.
Redditor FawnTi was curious to hear the things people witness which instantly results in their making judgments on total strangers, leading them to ask:"What can a stranger do in public that will immediately make you judge them?"
If They Leave A Mess In Public, What Must Their Home Be Like?
"Throw trash on the ground."- crumpana
"A guy was walking in for an interview with my boss and just yeeted trash between the parked cars."
"We're a small company so we clean ourselves."
"After he left i let her know and that was that."
"How lazy."
"That would only translate to work."- seapancaketouchr
"Drop litter."
"Not pick up their dog's sh*t."- Kyadagum_Dulgadee
"Those people who throw bagged-up dog sh*t into shrubbery are the ultimate evolution of this."- LibertyPrimeIsRight
Sometimes We Use Our Better Judgement
"An act of kindness - especially one that doesn’t benefit that person."
"OP didn’t say it had to be negative."- Rettorica
news mic GIFGiphyShared Speace
"Saw a person unloading their groceries just push their cart into the next parking space and drive off."
"The next parking space was occupied by someone who was there, about to back out, who now had to deal with the cart behind them."
"All the judgment."- Arafell9162
No Reason Indoor Voices Can't Also Be Used Outdoors
"Scream at their partner."- FazeFrostbyte
"Screaming at someone whos just doing their job honestly."- notah0ee
The Epitome Of Selfless
"If they pick up litter I think they're a good person."- Quiverjones
"I pick up litter but I'm always convinced people think I'm weird for it, so thank you for this."- PootleBrain
GiphyGood Manners Need To Be Taught
"Watch a video on full blast, without headphones where it is very clearly inappropriate."
"Or scream at their kids, in front of a bunch of strangers."
"I think it’s absolutely humiliating for a child and it is very telling of how they are to the child all the time."- melancholia__
Just Plain Gross.
"Not washing their hands after using the bathroom."- Nateddog21
"When I was at the dentist's office and I heard a toilet flush in a solitary bathroom, and my DENTIST walked out immediately after, I quit seeing them."- zulimi317
Especially After The Last Three Years...
"Mouth open no cover sneeze."- averagejill
"I loathe those people."- eyekunt
"During peak Covid, my coworker and I witnessed someone pull their mask down, sneeze, and then put the mask back on."
"At a pharmacy."- IDreamofLoki
Baby Eww GIF by America's Funniest Home VideosGiphyWe All Have Them, But Do We All Use Them Correctly?
"Their cellphone etiquette."
"Bad or good, I will watch and judge accordingly."- BulkyHurry
"For me it's being on your phone while driving.'
"Instant rage."
"Full disclosure: was t-boned by one of those a**holes."- okwellactually
Um...
"Defecate in the middle of the street."- Prussian_Empire_23
"Saw someone do that in San Francisco once."
"I was riding the bus and looked out the window and he was just dropping one on the sidewalk with his a** towards the street."
"Then on the next stop a homeless man started cussing out the bus driver because he wouldn't let him ride the bus for free."- Dry-Breakfast-2742
Who's Really The One Who Goes Viral?
"Take out their phone to film while someone is in a bad situation, instead of trying to help / call for help."- Pioumi
Picture Recording GIF by BLoafXGiphyOr In General...
"Being cruel to their pets."- OlyaBrnk
"Or wildlife."- kittytoes21
"Or saying something like 'it’s just a pet'.”
"B*tch this little dog is family and I would die to protect her."- Synner40
There Are Limits To "Making Yourself At Home."
"Be loud, Be rude to wait staff, let their kids run amok."- Emergency_Flounder58
"Rudeness to wait staff says a lot."- zta1978Not Everyone Needs To Be Included...
"Speaker phone call."- Nolan
"I’ve been noticing kids these days having FaceTime calls, but not looking at the screen!"
"What the f*ck is the point of that?"
"I think I’m officially old AND cranky."- Drewbox
Frustrated Customer Service GIF by Ryn DeanGiphyOne's public behavior isn't always indicative of what they're like in private.
Even so, we've all been taught the basic dos and don'ts of how to behave in public.
Making it hard not to judge those who seem to willfully ignore them.
Reddit user Spunkybluepuppy asked:
"What’s something you wish you could ask trans people without any judgement?"
Curiosity isn't a good enough reason to treat a random stranger like a science experiment - but there are plenty of people willing to talk openly about their experiences - and they're the real heros of this thread.
Stopping Cycles
period yes GIF by U by Kotex BrandGiphy"Do periods go away when you start T? Is there a way to get rid of them without surgery?"
- Human_Indeed_
"For some folks, yes, for some folks no."
"Some IUDs can stop periods, like mirena, or for some taking birth control without the sugar pill week can stop periods."
"For transmasculine folks The most reliable way to get rid of periods is by having a full hysterectomy with oophorectomy , which also helps reduce the amount of estrogen in the body."
- TananaramaRex
"My period stopped after two months on T. My friends' stopped after he had been on T a bit longer, not certain of the exact number. But both of us had a last period that was a real b*tch. Worst cramps ever! I'm glad I'm done with it now! 😂"
- spacedustyy
"Yes, my cycle ended about 6 months into T."
- bananaflavored2
Size
"Do you get to choose a size?"
- AlexArtsHere
"For trans guys, it depends on how much skin they can safely graft, I think. But after the maximum is established, yep."
- gayshouldbecanon
"NB transmasc here, MtF wife So for masculine bottom surgery:"
"It really depends on a lot of things. First HRT will grow your clitorus, this averages 1-4cm of growth, some surgeons require either a certain amount of time on HRT/ certain amount of tissue. So from here there are 2 commonly surgical options, each have their own pros and cons and have different methods of being done : 1- metoidioplasty, sometimes referred to as a Meta 2- Phalloplasty sometimes called a phallo. Either can have urethral lengthening, some surgeons will require one depending on the surgery. An issue with urethral lengthening is that the urethra can become blocked/collapse which is obviously no fun. Scrotoplastys are also common to also have done, usually that's done in 2 surgeries where they create the scrotum and then add testicle implants later."
"For a meta what is happening is the ligaments that hold the clitoris to the body get cut and released from the pubis, giving you more shaft. 4-6cm is average length. It will basically look like a small penis. Benefit of it is it can get erect without further surgery. You will likely have more sensation compared to a phalloplasty. You also don't have a giant penis 24/7. Depending on length you may or may not have issues standing to pee."
"For a phallo there's usually multiple stages to the surgery. If you have a meta you can still get a phallo in the future but not vice-versa. So you'll have a donor site, either your arm or you thigh is pretty common, you'll get some say in length but it really depends on how much tissue they can use and the goal is generally average size. They cannot become erect on their own. You have to get an implant for that which is an extra surgery and more money on top of the money you've already spent to get a phallo. Because the tissue is donor tissue taken from other parts you won't have as much sensation if any. Some say they never get sensation to the shaft, some do get some sensation to the shaft. The lack of sensation can actually be problematic during healing because you can't feel if you accidentally bump your penis into something. And with a phallo it will always be full length as it can't deflate like a cis-penis would."
"For transfeminine bottom surgery: So there are a few different ways to make a neovagina. A common way is by taking the penile tissue and inverting it, so the length here varies based on how much tissue. Another procedure uses rectal tissue, the benefit here is that is has some self lubricating capabilities, unlike with penile inversion. Though due to risk factors it's less commonly done. Another surgery involves taking peritoneal tissue from the abdomen to create the vagina. This is a newer surgery for transgender women even though it's a surgery that has been used on cis-women for decades. It also has the benefits of self lubrication and having a stretchier vagina compared to penis inversion. Length here varies quite a bit on what tissue is available for use. Most surgeons operate with the goal of length of cis vagina when aroused. Though some will result in a short vagina. Dilating the vagina after surgery and for years afterwards will help maintain depth overtime. Anecdotally I've heard of dilation once you're past recovery stage to only be necessary if you aren't sexually active and it can depend on the type of surgery you received."
"Edit: I came here from a trans sub honestly expecting the worst and was pleasantly surprised. Thanks for the really great questions. It was fun to spend some time answering questions. I think there really isn't enough good conversation on trans topics. The people who are the loudest on trans topics are generally the ones who are not transgender, incredibly misinformed, and do not care to listen to other points of view or scientific information. So I really hope there were some good conversations that might have brought issues to people's attention/ broadened the understanding of what being transgender is. Anyways, have a great rest of your day! If you comment a follow up question to my comment I will do my best to answer if possible. :)"
- Ahtnamas555
Most Manly Experience
Thats It Season 7 GIF by One ChicagoGiphy"Trans men… do you realize the manliest experience you’re having is being told you’re not a man?"
"That’s like 60% of being a man."
- VernonDangerfield
"This was hilarious and validating thank you"
- hoddy-Ad-1746
"You know what's the crazy thing? I've always been bullied for being a girl. Decades later I come out as a girl and now the same 'manly men' tell me I'm a man. Like make up your mind! JEEZ!"
- EmilyFara
Sitting
"Does sitting down feel different after you get bottom surgery"
- Foursiide
"At least for this one trans woman, Sitting down the three months after bottom surgery is a b*tch. You're still recovering and all the irritated flesh is very painful."
"Then eventually sitting down is the same except for the fact that I no longer have my privates in the way."
"However for me personally, when I sit down my belly button feels weird because my nerve endings regrew incorrectly."
- Dungeons-n-Dysphoria
"Over a year post-op, and it feels way more natural & easy. There's no extraneous crap between my legs any more, and I can sit like a degenerate bisexual much more easily now."
- loveablehydralisk
Sensation
"Is it still possible for a person to have an orgasm after reassignment surgery? Not a doctor, but my understanding of the process of creating the genitalia (F-M or M-F) would seem to make that prospect incredibly dim."
"The sheer number of nerve endings in the clitoris and tip of the penis make it seem impossible enough survive the surgery to provide the same sensations"
- Gritsandgasoline
"My surgeon uses a technique that leaves the neurovascular bundle fully intact, the tip of the penis just gets reduced in size to form a neo-clitoris. I had my first orgasm 34 days after surgery and the intensity is pretty much as before, I just can have longer ones now."
- LegitimateNothing
"To add to what many people are saying here... there is a risk of losing sexual sensation after surgical intervention. We all know it. Before surgical intervention is performed, that risk will be made explicitly clear to the patient, they will have to acknowledge that it is a risk, and confirm, often in writing, that it is an acceptable risk, and that they are prepared for that outcome."
"It is, however, considered an unintended side effect these days... something that decent surgeon will be able to avoid almost all of the time."
- ConnectionIssues
Just A Phase
"Is there any part of you that is genuinely worried that it is 'just a phase'?"
- The-Ginger-Lily
"Yeah. That's why it took me over 10 years to accept it and begin my transition"
- phoenixdro
"Yes. Most if not all trans folk wonder this at some point, this is why a lot of us are depressed."
- Tyleos
"Yep! I think that’s fairly normal with any identity tbh. It’s annoying because rationally I know that I have dysphoria and prefer certain pronouns but my irrational brain is really good at making me second guess myself"
- Spaghetti0s67
Functions
studying busy philipps GIF by Drunk HistoryGiphy"If you’re transitioning MtF and are on hormone replacement therapy but haven’t had bottom surgery yet,"
"1) does the penis shrink up and become unusable?"
"2) can you still have penetrative sex (penis in vagina)?"
"3) can you get someone pregnant via question 2?
"I’m a cisgender woman and am genuinely just curious"
- Eppengu
"1: It varies! Some people retain full size, some people shrink. The jury is out even among the community on if you can control it, and to what extent. 2: Yes! 3: Yep! Fertility is generally harmed by hormones, but not always completely gone."
- ohdearamistake
"I am talking purely from personal experience."
"1)yes it does, but primarily when soft, you lose random erections which work as bodily check if your penis is healthy, which means it's recommended to get it erect every so often so the muscles don't atrophy, which could lead into it being unsuable."
"2)If I wanted then yes."
"3)Possibly...The funtioning sperm count heavily decreases on hormones, but that doesn't mean all of it does. Usually it's recomended to freeze your sperm before taking hormones. Still wouldn't count on it as 100% save from getting someone pregnant."
- NotElise0
"This actually hasn't been studied systematically in trans women very extensively (there are huuuuge gaps in the medical literature), buuuuut there are cis men who get testicular cancer and can't go on testosterone replacement (like, their tumors were hormone sensitive, so it's risky to go on T again), and we know a fair lot about them. Since testosterone is what mediates penile response, what applies to them seems to apply to trans women who are either pre- or non-op. Thus, to answer your questions:"
"1)It's not that simple. When you nuke testosterone, some people lose the ability to have erections, but most retain it to some degree. What disappears is nocturnal erections--ie morning wood--and the biological function of that is to exercise the skin, vascular contractions, and so forth of the phallus. Unless you work the phallus out, you'll lose size and function, but if you use it regularly, it seems to stay just fine, according to the literature."
"2)Why wouldn't you be able to? Many girls don't want to, because it makes them feel dysphoric, but those who do can. Some need help from cialis or viagra, but that's not exactly a big deal."
"3)HRT has major effects on fertility, radically reducing the likelihood. However, 24% of girls with testes on HRT still produce some amount, albeit small, of sperm even years and years into transition. So, yes! HRT is NOT birth control."
- Not_Han_Solo
Addressing Name
"I work in medicine. Often times it can be apparent that someone may be transitioning, but it’s never right to assume anything about anyone."
"I’ll usually see their given name before I meet them, and it’s standard practice to have a pt confirm with their legal name and dob."
"What do you think is the best way of being asked if you have a preferred first name other than what is 'legal' in that situation?"
"I usually stumble with something like 'Hi I’m looking for John Doe is that you? Nice to meet you, is John okay or do you go by another name?' "
"But it always feels clunky."
"Looking for advice."
"EDIT: My main clinical setting is an urban hospital in a large network of hospitals. This makes any change to charting/intake very well out of my reach, unfortunately. It is a discussion that I hope continues to climb to the administrators."
- ThatRoombaThough
"I don't know if this was to avoid using my birth name (most likely it was) but I've had doctors use just the surname when calling me and then confirming by asking for my birth date or ID."
- Eireann_9
"the way you say that is perfect, i don't think there's a better way to do it. big ups for actually asking, way too few people do that!"
- punsexual-disaster
"love that! you can still say that, if you don't want them to assume you thought they weren't cis (some people may feel discomfort from that) you can say its because some people don't like their name or go by a nickname they use as a first name (you can make up a person in your life, if you want to add in small talk, for example, both my parents don't use their legal names simply because they're too used to what friends and family have been calling them)"
- Rabbtwig
Learning
"These answers are the dialogue that's missing right now."
"After years of trying to understand, I finally feel like I get it. Thank you all for educating and enlightening! Media dialogue seems elusive and circular - these answers made clear sense and I feel like I learned something."
"Thank you!"
- ShareReportSaveFollow
"No- thank you. This comment made my day, aside from this post going viral. I’m so glad that you showed and interest and even happier that you learned something after years of trying to understand!"
- Spunkybluepuppy
"It’s been really nice to talk about it without pushback for the most part. I feel like education is what’s needed for it to be understood without malice."
- Psychoticsleep
"Media dialogue on trans people not being very helpful to understanding trans issues is very much by design - media has grown increasingly hostile to trans people in recent years."
- ihileath
"thanks for reading and learning :))"
- yeahitspostingtime
When people are willing and able to freely talk about their experiences, we can all learn a lot from one another.
Most often, a person who is blinded by their privilege takes many things in life for granted while someone who is disadvantaged–due to their race, gender, or status–always seems to get the short end of the stick.
In an effort to expose prejudices that are casually hidden, Redditor corkystclaire asked:
"What's something obviously discriminatory yet broadly accepted by society?"
Much of society views the world with a binary perspective–or they are just very closed-minded.
"Not having baby change facilities in the men's toilets."
– PloppyTheSpaceship
Men In Service
"mandatory military service only for men in a lot of countries."
– Zewarudio
About Hair
"Not letting people wear their hair the way it naturally grows out of their head (at work)"
– SoyAmerinic
The Coworkers
"My last job was supposedly progressive when it came to workplace apparel. I'm white passing and was constantly complimented and revered on how 'creative' my hairstyles were."
"My non-white passing coworker however was always being told how inappropriate, unprofessional, and distracting their hairstyles were. We even planned out the same hairstyles for a few months to prove a point to our boss and all we got at the end was that mine 'look professionally done and cleaner.'"
"I can guarantee you that my hairstyles did not look professionally done and our hair was the same amount of cleanliness."
– 2baverage
Historically Damaging System
"Caste system in India where people were segregated into groups based on their occupation which later got translated into segregation on the basis of birth. Based on this difference, hierarchy was formed which provides different rewards and punishment for different groups. This system is now almost 3000 years old though it's ill effects of discrimination was made illegal through constitution of free India, it still persists in an evolved form."
"In some areas lower castes are still treated as untouchables. Extreme case of it can be seen in southern parts where some of these people announce their arrival while entering into high caste society so that these higher caste people can easily maintain distance from them."
"Though such extreme cases have now decreased due to urbanization and the anonimity that comes with it but it still persists case in point is caste endogamy where marrying outside the caste is considered such an impure task that sometimes it even leads to murder of those who were involved in the act in order to save the family honour and it is famously called honour killings . Things have changed but the equality and zero discrimination that our constitution provides for is still a far fetched dream."
– vats_upp
People who are physically disadvantaged additionally have to worry about other things.
The Cost Of Being Disabled
"The extreme expense often accrued when a person happens to become/is disabled."
"Everything from having to get the correct mobility aids if necessary, to the labour spent trying to find an accessible/adapted house. Nvm lifelong managements and healthcare (specifically monetarily in the US), and the social barriers that disabled ppl (specifically those with physical or notable impairment) deal with on a daily basis."
"When I became physically disabled, the whole word became a mess of inaccessibility with cultural, infrastructural, physical and medical issues I'd never before even considered becoming sometimes impassable barriers."
– cripple2493
Benefits Of Not Living In The US
"Being disabled is still very expensive but I thank the heavens I wasn't born in America when I think about things like that. The ESA (employment support allowance) savings limit here in Britain is £6,000, my medications, my wheelchair, my basic mobility aids, my treatments, my doctors appointments, are all free, and if I live in my own place my rent will be covered. It was an awful and fairly traumatic process to prove I was eligible for these provisions but I'm so grateful for them and the fact that I live in a place where I can get this much help."
– ViSaph
When My Daughter Grows Up
"My child is legally blind, there is no chance of it worsening, she has no medical problems because of it yet she definitely 'costs' more than our non blind child. Appointments, parking costs, petrol to the Appointments, days off work for the Appointments. Then add in the tech she needs/digital magnifiers, monoculars, yes her educational needs are looked after by the state to some degree but alot of it is covered by the family. All these little things add up"
"As she gets older she will completely rely on public transport which mean she'll probably need to live in a better serviced/higher rent area."
"I really had no idea until she came along!"
– niamhweking
Life After An Accident
"My mom was in a severe accident late last year, permanently quadriplegic. I don't think I have a read a truer statement all freaking week. Everything is a battle for her to get anything she needs."
– ThatDadTazz
When it comes to college entry, it's a rigged system.
No Connections
"Legacy college admissions."
"Nepotism."
– flatlyoness
Anti-Asian
"Especially if you’re Asian trying to get into an elite college. Harvard was actually convicted of discrimination against Asian applicants"
"We know you got a 1590 on your SAT, and you participate in 4 extracurriculars, and you tutor other kids in your class, but we think you’re just too shy so we should admit this senator’s dipsh*t kid instead."
– Tacky-Terangreal
Forever In Debt
"Got the same degree as my buddy did. I went to community college he went to a university. The total cost to get my degree was the same as just his room and board for all 4 years."
"Guy made fun of me the whole time. He will be paying back his loans for the next 40 years. Its crazy the mindset people have."
– jcowurm
Societies that don't acknowledge the lack of equality among groups of people are doomed to perpetuate injustice.
But for those who choose to live in the past, it's an inconvenient problem if there is a courageous voice that inspires others to come forward and amplify their demand for progress.
Only then can there be change for the good of humanity.
So let's live out loud!
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