Blending families is always a roll of the dice.
Sometimes people get lucky... because their in-laws are dead.
I jest.
Sometimes lovers and in-laws get along famously.
But a lot of the time significant others have to deal with in-laws that can be a lot.
Just because someone has become instant family doesn't mean you have to adore them.
They can still be horrible people, that you learn to live with.
Chosing a partner comes with strings.
And some of those strings are chains.
You have figure out how much you can bare.
Redditor fuzzyloulou wanted to see who was brave enough to call out what they despise about their in-laws, so they asked:
"Married people of Reddit, what's something you just hate about your in-laws?"
I've never had in-laws.
And I have a feeling, that was a blessing.
The Horror
never ending wash GIF by Oggy and the CockroachesGiphy"My in-laws are nearly perfect. But if my MIL comes over and there are clean dishes in the sink drying, she will dry them and put them away. Even if she doesn't know where it goes, she will just guess. My life is horrible."
meyerjaw
Family Matters
"My FIL called my wife and her 3 sisters wh*res all while standing I’m MY house. The reason you ask? They all got married outside of the Catholic faith. We haven’t spoken in 6 years. Best 6 years of my life."
Patrick2337
"I could have had things turn wrong the moment I handed back the baptism contract to my mil and told her I wouldn't sign it."
"She asked why and I proceeded to tell her about how and why I dropped out of college. I took business and accounting, I don't f**k around with contracts or numbers. Then I told her about my Catholic upbringing. Changed her mind real quick. It pains me to know that my time is now limited with this woman."
KnowItOrBlowIt
Not into you...
"My MIL isn’t too nice to the kids. Granted, she has 15 grandkids, you can tell which ones she likes more. And less. My kids are in the middle."
wclure
"That sucks. I was one of those kids the grandparents liked less too. If it’s any consolation, I wasn’t too upset it just meant we weren’t as close so when they died I wasn’t super torn up."
whitepangolin
Overloaded
"The way they travel. The constant need to overpack, shop for s**t to take home, etc always results in like half a dozen overweight suitcases and carryons that they then ALWAYS have to re-organize to handle the weight and they ALWAYS expect everyone in the group to pack light to accommodate in case they have to dump s**t on you. I hate it and it pisses me off every time."
Sorry-birthday1
Not Real
Sashay Away GIFGiphy"How fake they are. They just care about their image and how they appear to others, very little, if anything, is genuine about them."
Unhygienictree
Why don't fake people know we see the fake?
No matter if they're strangers or family... the transparency is real.
Be Quiet
Amy Schumer No GIF by Saturday Night LiveGiphy"I absolutely love my inlaws, but compared to my family they are REALLY loud. Like instead of taking turns talking they just talk louder over each other until someone listens. I leave with a headache, and that's including times I sneak to an empty room for peace."
kannakantplay
Just About Everything
My MIL? Love her, she's great. My FIL? Cheated on my MIL with her sister, and still sees said sister on a weekly basis while somehow still remaining married to my MIL. Bought himself and the sister a new car while my MIL drives a 20-year-old F-150. When he is home all he does is drink Budweiser from 11 am on while watching TV. And complains about everyone else in the family."
"Doesn't come to his grandkids' birthday parties and just hands us some cash to go buy something and to say it's from him. On several occasions, he's been at nice dinners and gets drunk and belligerent to the point of embarrassing everyone with him. So when it comes to my FIL, to answer the question... just about everything."
Tiberius_Jim
This Christmas Sucks!
"Oh God, do I have stories? My MIL is one of the cheapest people I have ever met and a hoarder. For my son's first birthday, she gave him a roll of paper towels because... 'Look! He loves it, doesn't even know whether it is a toy or not!' At age 3 for Christmas, she gave him some random toiletries and cleaning supplies she bought at the dollar store, wrapped them, and everything. Now I have to give my boy credit on those... after he opened them he said 'This Christmas Sucks!' which caused major drama for my wife and I."
who519
Vampires
"Oh man, how much time do you have? The number one thing is that they are drama vampires. They can’t live without it. Everything is about them, and if it isn’t, it will be soon. They are cartoonishly childish and it’s as ridiculous as it is sad. I feel terrible for my spouse and her siblings. Every family get-together is a sh**show. Number two is that they can’t make a plan without overcomplicating the ever-loving sh*t out of it, which my wife has inherited."
Studlum
Toxic
music video britney spears toxic GIFGiphy"My sister-in-law is one of the most toxic people I know. Total narcissist. Everything must be all about her at all times. And her husband is a codependent simp who enables her behavior. The rest of my in-laws are cool though."
celiacsunshine
Well if there was any reason to stay single, all of this it!
In-laws sound like a lot.
"What screams 'I’m insecure'?"
The Wisest People Are Those Always Willing To Learn
"When people are unable to admit that they don’t know something."- slimytoads
not listening no way GIFGiphyOther People's Success Are Not Your Failures
"Mocking someone else's achievement."- SuvenPan
Never Pick Yourself Up By Taking Others Down
"Belittling others."- Term-Haunting
"Always talking badly about others and trying to make them look weak/bad."- Pildith
The Simpsons GIF by MOODMANGiphyMaybe Honesty Isn't Always The Best Policy...
"When you're quick to be 'brutally honest' with others, but have a meltdown when someone does it back to you."-eF240uKX52hp
Not As Funny As They Think...
"People who tear other people down as a joke but then get mad when they get it handed back to them."
"Clearly they either aren’t joking or are too sensitive to be dishing out sh*t."- babythrottlepop
Being On Top Adds More Possibilities Of Falling Down...
"Trying to one-up people in every conversation."- Flanky_Bwai
"One upping people in conversation."
"If I tell you I had a great trip to X place, I don’t need to hear about your better trip to someplace else that’s ostensibly 'better'."- I_Am_The_Grapevine
kristen wiig television GIF by Saturday Night LiveGiphySome Things Speak For Themselves...
"Constantly saying what kind of person you are."
"If you were, you wouldn’t have to tell us."- ubereddit
A Little Contrition Goes A Long Way...
"Never apologizing."
"Making excuses and even twisting the facts but never apologize."- SuvenPan
But Enough About Me, What Do You Think Of Me?
"Constant projection and self-serving compliments."- nhabz
Look At Me Kiki GIF by The Bachelor AustraliaGiphyWhat Are They Even Trying To Prove?
"Revving your vehicle loudly every time you pass another person."- msnmck
Superior By Association
“'You will address me by my husband’s rank!'”- Psychological-Stay16
PDA Much?
"Elaborate Instagram and Facebook posts declaring love for one’s significant other over and over and over."- jbmaun
Happy Married At First Sight GIF by LifetimeGiphyAlways Needing Validation
"People who can’t think or feel anything without being told that it’s okay to do so."- Diesel07012012
It's sad that so many people think the only way to overcome something which makes them embarrassed or afraid is by embarrassing or demeaning others.
When being open and honest about your insecurities might, instead, result in your finding common ground with others.
And making new, lifelong friends in the process.
Redditor JeffLaRue wanted to hear how people would react without the possibility of sex, so they asked:
"What would you do if you couldn't have sex anymore due to a physical or mental issue?"
I personally wouldn't be thrilled.
But I'd find a way.
The New Me
Sad Sponge Bob GIF by SpongeBob SquarePantsGiphy"I do actually (endometriosis). It's sometimes really sad, but you do other things with your partner, and try again to see if there's any improvement."
"I used to have a high sex drive, but due to the pain not anymore. My partner understands that and his one preoccupation is my health."
Nansya
Likely be ok?
"My husband has stage 4 metastatic melanoma. He’s ok and will likely be ok but chemo/immunotherapy f**ked with his mojo. I’m good. We’ve found our intimacy in other ways like coffee together and just laughing in our car, our tv shows, etc.. I’d much rather have him with me than sex."
Dawnydiesel
"Let's take a moment to appreciate that 'likely be ok' and 'stage 4 metastatic melanoma' can coexist in one sentence. Science, man."
Sixmonths_Newaccount
Sucks, really...
"I was hit by a car and paralyzed from the chest down. I no longer have any sensation down there. Sucks, really. In some ways I think it is easier to get over not being able to walk, than losing sexual function. Unfortunately there isn't anything to do about it."
krunchytacos
"I’m glad you’ve made it this far. I agree with you. My vehicle was rear-ended at a red light. I learned to walk again (so I’m doing amazing really!) but I can’t feel most of my bits, peeing is weird or doesn’t work, same with poo, one foot is constantly weakening, numbness, pins and needles, bolts of pain, constant throbbing, changes with the weather and activities, and really just keeps getting worse. Can’t work a full time job anymore. But the thing that’s the hardest to deal with is the neurogenic sexual dysfunction. It’s difficult as hell."
jessibrarian
All Gone
"The real question is, what would your SO do? We have been in this exact predicament for over 3 years now... It's like living with your best friend but every single day you watch a piece of your relationship die."
"Sorry for the over sharing. This one hits hard. Prostate cancer under 50 is considered rare."
"Although if caught early its very treatable. What they don't tell you is the cancer is transplanted into your relationship. For over 30yrs we had an amazing intimate sexual chemistry that was built around if one of us isn't into it then we won't do it. No fake orgasms, no birthday sex, no wearing each other down or giving in... just raw vulnerability and trust. All gone!"
New_Shoes_999
Meh
Awkward John Krasinski GIF by Saturday Night LiveGiphy"I would definitely miss it, but I'd manage."
SexyChronicPain
Some people really don't care but did address the lack of intimacy.
A Mental No
No No No GIFGiphy"Honestly I’d be devastated. Not being able to connect in that intimate way with my partner would leave a huge gap in my mental well being. I know it’s not technically essential but it’s a massive part of a relationship and without that I would feel incompetent as a partner."
whiskerbiscuit2
Quality Time
"I'd try other things to feel intimate with my partner. Like naked, but not sexual, snuggling. Or start up a hobby night where we spend quality time together. Maybe buy them a quality toy so they don't feel like they're missing out because of me 🤷♀️ But other than that? I'd just continue getting on with life!"
BinkiesForLife_05
The Struggle
"Been dealing with an inflammatory skin issue that has prevented me from having sex with my partner for the last two months. It’s been a struggle, feels like my sex life is in shambles, and it’s driven me back into depression."
"Luckily my partner is incredibly understanding, but it has put a huge strain on the relationship. Trying to explore other forms of intimacy but she has a hard time receiving touch without it being a mutual experience.
"If this becomes a long term problem I don’t know how I’ll cope."
Merp_the_People
Downgrade
"I'm going to buck the trend and say that my life would be significantly degraded. I had a fairly low sex drive through periods of my life due to mental illness. Now, I am at my sexual peak and it's as if I'm seeing in color for the first time: I know how my body works, and what it likes, and I feel powerful and sexy."
"At this point, my sense of self and identity are linked to my ability to have sex. I felt very ugly and like I was only a mother for a while, and I feel much more like a woman and a normal person now. I could live without sex... but it would take me building myself up all over again and accepting who I am without that."
PralineOwl
Inadequacy...
"It would probably devastate me, honestly. I was super overweight had very poor luck with women in my teens and twenties. I took control of my life, lost over 100 pounds and met my wife at 28. 8 years later we still have a very healthy sex life. She would understand but I feel as though it would bring up the feeling of inadequacy again."
Kingjerm731
Sex isn't everything, but it's important to many.
Hopefully everyone finds peace if this is a life issue being faced.
Redditor RIPMexicanTraore was hoping people would be willing to share their 'best of' going to therapy wisdoms. So they asked everyone:
"What is the best thing you have heard/learned from therapy?"
In therapy... I learned I need more therapy.
Who Cares?
Eddie Murphy Whatever GIF by Coming to AmericaGiphy"People aren't nearly as concerned about everything I'm doing as I think they are. They're busy enough being self conscious about their own behaviors."
badatwinning
The Letdown
"When you place unexpressed expectations on someone, YOU are the one setting yourself up to be let down."
ksozay
"It’s not so much about low expectations as it is communicating your expectations."
"Let’s say it’s your first birthday as a couple. You expect your partner to plan a nice romantic getaway with just the 2 of you, and instead they plan a huge surprise party."
"You hate birthday parties, but since you never communicated that to them, they had no idea. So now you are stressed about all the attention, and they are disappointed that all their hard work is unappreciated. You can have high expectations for people, you just need to know that they aren’t mind readers."
Lahmmom
Mirror Image
"No one sees the version of you that you see of yourself."
Back2Bach
"I remember learning about this really neat thought experiment."
"First, think about the most embarrassing thing that's happened to you. Don't think too long or hard, just come up with something."
"Now, think of a close person in your life and imagine the most embarrassing thing that's happened to them."
"The second one takes a lot longer. We all think about ourselves - and critique ourselves - way more than we do to others."
making_mischief
Oh maaaaan...
"The brain isn't designed to keep us happy. It's designed to keep us alive."
angels_exist_666
"We're social creatures. We remember the embarrassing weird crap we've done better than our moments of glory so we can avoid doing that in the future in order to be more socially acceptable."
"I remember some embarrassing crap I did in first grade more than I remember some wonderful moments of this year."
Phayzon
"I still remember getting in the wrong bus in kindergarten and crying for a half hour thinking I'd never see my home again while the driver sorted everything out. Oh maaaaan."
tinyhorsesinmytea
Control Issues
GIF by VevoGiphy"Sometimes, when we procrastinate, it's because we need to feel control, even when the only thing we can control is choosing not to do something - even when it contributes to making our situation worse. Took me years to come to terms with that one."
jacobsadder
Control is an issue for everyone. We gotta loosen up.
Voices
Confused In My Head GIF by GraduationGiphy"Your internal monologue isn’t always reliable, especially when you are anxious or depressed."
BrideOfFirkenstein
Easy
"The fact that you are high functioning doesn't mean that your illness is easier for you to deal with, it means it's easier for others to deal with."
azulsonador0309
"I never thought about it that way."
"I always took some pride in the fact that I always remained as productive as possible no matter. I pretty much have an addiction to productivity because it distracts me from what I feel inside. I chase achievement, I chase greatness, I chase success because I feel it justifies the suffering of being alive."
"And that’s why I’ve been melting down these past few days. I’m at a point where years of hard work going unrewarded and years of almost unhealthily convincing myself to fight and move forward have finally broken me. I’m trying to tell myself to fight. I want to live a life where everyday is not a war for me, but I realize how far fetched it is."
Prudent-Ad-3482
Default Settings
"We seek what is familiar to us, even if it’s really unhealthy. There is a comfort in familiarity because it’s what we know/learned how to deal with."
GPQ70
"When stressed we go to our default setting. No matter how destructive that setting is we will FIGHT to get there."
"This was one of the hardest things for me. Because there is no way to know if you've reset your setting until you're stressed/uncomfortable. And if you find out you haven't its such a blow to your confidence. And the gains you thought you had made you now question."
Thats_what_im_saiyan
The Boogeyman
"When I start the negative self-talk, I was told to pretend I am talking to my wonderful and sweet 5yo little boy. I could never say the sh*t I say to myself to my son. The therapist told me to envision someone telling my boy what I say to myself and how would I react. It was eye-opening as to how we are our own worst boogeyman."
CaptainCacoethes
Changes
the office therapy GIFGiphy"Remember that change is inevitable. Nothing ever stays the same. The only constant in life is change."
"Some changes are swift and brutal for example bereavement. Others are more subtle like the changing seasons. So with this in mind I've always loved Arnold Bennett's quote... That any change, even a change for the better is always accompanied with setbacks and discomfort."
reiveroftheborder
Therapy is key. We all need it ad all we have to do is ask for help.
Redditor Gold-Ad-2827 asked:
"People with mental disorders: What do you hate being told the most?"
I hated being told to just smile. You smile and go away.
Duh
seth meyers GIF by Late Night with Seth MeyersGiphy"It's all in your head. Where else would it?! My colon?"
glorified_throwaway
Don't Minimize
"Everybody goes through that."
rukasu83
"This saying makes my blood boil. Or the 'I was that age once too ya know' yeah no sh*t you were that age once. And just because you were that age once doesn’t mean we have the same experience."
MasterOfRNoSleep
"They try to minimize it."
Previous_Ad7725
Stellar Advice
"You're worried? Just stop."
"You're sad? Just don't be."
"You're compulsively binge eating? Eat less."
"Thanks for that stellar advice."
CrayolaSocks
"Or even better, 'Just do it!' As if ADHD paralysis can be stopped with a can-do attitude."
HumanityIsACesspool
"physical health"
"I get so frustrated when people treat the idea of 'holistic medicine' as some kind of woo. How does it escape so many people that the body works holistically? Even a lot of doctors seem to ignore this. It's very frustrating when you have 2 or 3 or 4 illnesses that are all affecting each other, and your 'physical health' is held distinct from your mental health, and nothing anyone is doing to treat you works because no one's looking at the whole system."
"I just got a lecture from a psychiatrist I am seeing about nutrition, and he apologized to me for doing so but I told him, 'No, I appreciate it. Do it for all your patients.' because it told me he's trying to look at the whole picture and actually fix what's wrong. It gave me faith in him."
TheLastKirin
Relax
Calm Down Golden Girls GIF by TV LandGiphy"You need to calm down."
sorceress__stoned
"Never is the history of calm down has calm down ever caused anyone to calm down."
LBIdockrat
Calm down. I hate that one. You calm down.
Tips
Season 23 Reaction GIF by Law & OrderGiphy"When they try to give me tips on what to do, like bruh as if I didn't already try that."
Mediocre_Ad8282
The Standard
"You don't look sad. No crap... that's so I can avoid having this conversation. Also depression isn't 'being sad' like people think."
allgamerprogram
"God, I hate this. It's because saying 'I'm depressed' has been standard for people expressing that they're slightly unhappy about something dumb like not getting enough croutons on their salad or some crap. Now that's just what everyone assumes you mean when you say you have depression."
NilPill
Be Faster
"'Stop being lazy.'"
LadyBirdLadyBirdLady
“'Lazy' is when you don’t want to do anything at all. 'Executive disfunction' is when you can do everything at all, but that one easy quick thing that you do want to do just makes you and your brain freeze completely days ahead. I’m tired of people not understand that even when I explain and look at me like I’m bullshitting instead."
_Varien_
Ways to Cope
"Maybe you should try praying harder. I did, He prescribed medication."
Ms_Schuesher
"Praying is a way to cope for a lot of people, I think. That's totally fine, but insisting on praying in lieu of getting real help or actually addressing the issue is when it is not only unhelpful, but dangerously detrimental."
TheFrustrated
"Religious people will bypass everyone’s cultures, identity, views, and feelings just to be right and make a point. it’s disgusting. I read somewhere that real so called Christianity is all wrong. The real faith is from the Aramaic history and all the meanings were misinterpreted and the stories and all were made up by Catholics wanting to control their people. Yuck."
RisingPhoenix5271
'contamination'
Disgusted Season 6 GIF by Brooklyn Nine-NineGiphy"As someone with OCD with a lot of attention to 'contamination', having someone try to explain contradictions in why I'm doing something that is technically unclean when I wouldn't do something that is technically clean due to OCD. There are a few doorknobs that I will not touch no matter how much you clean them in front of me and I know it makes no sense, if it made sense I wouldn't have OCD i'd just be cleanly."
Zoooples
Stop trying to be an armchair therapist. Be empathetic to people first.