The Best Responses To 'What Are Your Intentions With My Daughter?'
Parents -- especially dads -- are always nervous when their daughter begins to date. Caught up in the intensity and giddiness of romance, it’s not always obvious to the ones who are dating that they are not compatible... or that they were with someone who is trouble.
That’s where the parents come in.
The classic question is some variation is “what are your intentions with my daughter” and the answers are very telling.
Luckily, Redditors know exactly what to say to this question.
It might not do wonders for people’s reps with their partners’ dads, but at least it will provide some much-needed hilarity.
It all started when Redditor TheSecondButter asked:
“What’s the best response to “what are your intentions with my daughter?”
Necessity, Not Romance
"If things go well I intend to ask for your daughters hand."
"Because I'm tired of using mine."
– Random_Guy_47
"I'm assembling some Ikea at home and just really need a second set of hands."
– Copytechguy
"Extra points for bringing the manual to show you need two sets of hands."
– OfUnknownOrigin
It's Not About Her
"I'm only dating her to gain access to you."
– Unsolicited_Spiders
"Bonus points if you get them a case of beers"
– beanstastebad
"I actually had a friend that used to play Warhammer with his girlfriend's dad...."
"When they broke up he continued to come round every week to play Warhammer with her dad"
– sfxpaladin
"Stacy's mom has got it going on."
– JBlooey
Life Of Crime
""I need a getaway driver, sir.""
– inksmudgedhands
"I’m trying to assemble a team of crime fighters and I believe she has a certain set of skill that make people like her a nightmare to people like you."
– RedDingo777
""Between you and me, Sir... we're gonna steal the Declaration of Independence.""
– TheBlueSerene
Hidden Meaning
"I'll have her in bed by 11pm, sir."
– ForcyBo
"... and home by 1."
– Parsel_Tongue
""who's bed?""
"That's the fun part."
– revs201
Winners
"To see if I can make her as happy as she makes me"
– thatguywiththeposts
""Sir, with any luck at all. Avoid making a total as**of myself and hopefully have a nice time"
– ShortAndSad4381
Struck Speechless
"Intentions? None, I just wanted to hang out. Why do you ask?"
"I just said something very similar once and her father had no idea what to say."
"Those questions are stupid."
– RacistBlackDigger
""That's my question too! She dragged me here!""
– HelveticanCheese
The Benefits
"I always hear that question and think of it like "why do you want to work here.""
– LillyLing10
"The benefits."
"Work: health insurance, sick pay"
"Daughter: friends with benefits"
– NicNoletree
Now There Are Some Twists!
"To get what she ordered, sir; this is a Wendy's."
– M3mph
"Incorrect. Best response is "Daughter? I'm here to pick up your son.""
– Busy_Confection_7260
Turn It Around
""What are your daughter's intentions with me?""
– AbreakaTech001
""Well sir, what were your intentions with her mother?""
"I have...actually used this one...it went over well, as you can tell, by the fact im actually alive."
– lowexpectationsguy
I'm Not Violent, I Swear!
"So, maybe not on topic but; I started dating this girl in college. One night we were at the club dancing, it got crazy and I accidentally hit her in the eye with my elbow. Big shiner. That week I met her dad and had to explain I hit her in the eye, accidentally… wow, was that uncomfortable"
– JonSmith12345
Ouch! That story probably hurts more than the eye!