You do the good-natured thing of letting someone into your home.
You allow them to eat your food, share your living space, and bathe using your water. And what do they do in return?
Stuff like the people in these stories did.
Reddit user, Mr_Yus_uwu, wanted to know what you should never be okay with a guest doing when they asked:
What was the worst thing your guest did when they took "Make yourself at home" very literally?"
It's not so much what they're asking, or what they're doing, but perhaps it's the way they've asked?
No. It's because they're performing self-cleaning procedures in the same place you eat.
Not Our Problem?
"Dinner guest asked to stay overnight because of the snow (which wasn’t forecasted until much later that night). Spouse and I agreed as we didn’t have work the next day. But guest did - and at 7:30 in the morning he was freaking out because we hadn’t shoveled the driveway for him yet. “How am I supposed to get to work on time?!”"
"What did you guys do after? I kind of want to know the rest lol."
"We told him that our “plow guy” gets here when he gets here (we have a looong driveway) and we have no control over that. Then I poured myself a coffee and sat on the couch."
"Came home, sitting in his boxers on my kitchen counter washing his feet and trimming toenails in my sink has got to take the cake."
It shouldn't be that hard to be a good house guest. Someone is allowing you to stay in their home, so perhaps don't do anything you wouldn't anyone doing in your own home.
Don't Rearrange Furniture. Or Throw Away Furniture.
"My father in law was staying with us for a month, he lived in Oman. The spare room was an office with a sofa bed in so it could double up for guests. He bought a double bed and got rid of the sofa bed. I lost my office."
"What a twat! You must've been so relieved when he left. Tell me he left."
"He left, then moved back in for almost a year when he retired."
Remember To Turn It Off
"I had guests turn the pool heater on in February and not turn it off or tell me it was on. I noticed steam coming off the pool a week later and it was 90*F. The bill was just under $1000."
"My uncle did this once. It was fairly cold in Florida for the time of year and they were hosting a wedding party at their home and turned the heater on for the pool. The only difference to your story, however, is that it was not discovered until we came to visit and realized that the pool was uncomfortably warm, considering it was June. They noticed an increase in the bill but never put two and two together."
How Do You Burn...Oh, I See
"Started a kitchen fire by cooking spaghetti in cake pans without water."
"Edit: when I heard the fire alarm ring I ran to the kitchen to find him looking over the stove trying to blow out the fire, with his mouth. Like phuuu phuuu. Basically stoking the flames."
"I slide the flaming cake pan into the sink and dosed it in water to put it out."
"Me, yelling at him asking wtf he was doing."
"His only defense: it woulda worked"
"No motherf-cker, it clearly wasn’t working. I realized this day he started abusing oxys and was so high he had no idea what he was doing."
"Sad story really."
And then there's these, the worst offenses imaginable by people you once seemed okay with allowing into your home but will most certainly never be let back in.
Simple Rule of Thumb: Don't Break Into People's Homes
"My husband’s old friend stayed with us for two weeks while we were living in Japan. He was very smug and irritating; an instant ‘expert’ on Japan after a few days, when we had been living there for two years."
"Finally, finally he left on a Friday. My husband and I had separate plans on Saturday. I returned in the afternoon to an unlocked door and the sound of the TV. I thought hubby had returned early."
"Nope. It was Old Friend - thinking we had gone for the weekend, he had broken into our apartment for an extra two-night stay."
"“You weren’t supposed to be here!” he protested - and he refused to leave until my husband came back home and told Old Pal personally that he had overstayed his welcome."
Ratting Out On Your Spouse
"My wife 3 days ago."
"Tasked with feeding her friends cat while they're away for a week."
"They said help yourself to whatever you like."
"She came home with their waffle maker."
"Pretty sure it meant she could score a couple of their Tim tams not make off with their appliances"
Don't. Touch. The. Coffee. Maker.
"Rearranged my kitchen. That b-tch."
"Edit: it wasn't my mom. It was a guy I'd gone on two dates with that I left alone in my apartment for a few hours. My mistake I guess."
Just, Wow. Wow.
"The $900 phone sex bill. It was the early 90's and the bill came on paper and was about 100 pages."
"Edit: since this got a bunch of attention, I'll elaborate a bit."
"I let a guy stay in my house for a month while he was in summer school and I was going to be gone half the summer. He would call while black out drunk. Other than this, he was an excellent houseguest. He even told me that they were going to be these phone bills coming and that he would pay for it but we had no idea that it was going to be almost $1,000"
"The reason the bill was 100 pages was because each of the 1-900 numbers operated as individual little telephone companies that generated a separate bill for their services, so that $900 bill was about 50 separate bills printed individually that were bundled together by my local provider."
"If I didn't pay that bill somehow they were never going to let me have a telephone again. I was able to call some of the customer service departments and get some of the bills cancelled or reduced. My house guest coughed up $500 and gave me a CD player and a PlayStation and a TV"
"Caught a friend of a friend masturbating into my kitchen sink at 2am."
"a few months"
"My brother's best friend came to live with us for 'a few months' because he wanted to move back to our state. My parents agreed because he was supposed to go to college and they believe college education is important. Well 8 years later and he is still there, all my parent's children have moved out but for some reason my brother's best friend is still living there."
"My ex husband had a less than savory friend. He walked into my home once, helped himself to my fridge without asking and then when he got himself some silverware, had the audacity to insult it and say it looked like something a grandmother would have. Well yes, yes it does, since it's hers and she gave it to me."
"Another time he went to my MIL's house when we told him we didn't want to hang out. We weren't even home yet! He came in, say down, ordered a pizza that he refused to share with my MIL or BIL, and just sat there watching TV for two hours until we got back from whatever we were doing. He was a grade A a**hole. F**king hate you, Craig."
"My relative stayed with my grandma and proceeded to burn the house to the ground by deciding to have a bon fire 3 feet from the side of the house."
"Slightly related, a family members friends were staying at his place he'd inherited from a dead relative while he was in jail and they caught the place on fire making meth."
1 damn cookie...
"One of my guest brought beer for only himself, put his feet on my dining table, and when he left he took the cookies he had brought over as a thank you gift for letting him stay 3 nights at our place because the road to his house flooded. I only had 1 damn cookie and was very annoyed by how cheap he was."
Out of H20
"An in-law took about a 28 minute shower after I explained we were in the middle of a drought and that our well was dangerously low. I’m assuming it was going to be a 30 minute shower but we ran out of water."
"I wonder if that was intentional, I cant say why but you'd think saying 'hey my house runs on well water and an extensive shower is probably going to use the last of it up' would make any rational person put away their plans for a long shower."
"Literally tried to move in. Had a old friend that was in town and I offered to let her stay here for a week instead of getting a hotel. A week turned into two, which became a month. When I confronted her and asked when her new place would be ready, she said she thought she could just stay. Since she had all of her stuff and was here for over two weeks, even the cops wouldn't take her away. Had to formally evict her."
"Didn't leave for 6 months, ate all our cheese and wasted all our dishwasher tablets on 're-running the dishwasher bc it did a bad job' (but would run the same load like 10 times???). He was sleeping w/ my flatmate and she undermined all our attempts at getting him to leave once we realised he was a hobosexual."
"EDIT hobosexual - sleeps or dates ppl for housing. And our dishes were clean, he was lazy and couldn't do the 1 chore I gave him. He re ran out of laziness."
"Am I allowed to talk about my current guests? My flatmate’s friend has been here for nearly 6 days, they’ve used my food, expensive shower products, let their child run screaming up and down the hallway for hours without stopping, and (me being petty) looked at me like I am a weirdo for being out in my own kitchen. They were supposed to leave yesterday. I’m very annoyed."
"Edit: good news lads my other flatmate said they’re gone. I can breathe easy again, the sun is shining and there will hopefully never be another screaming child in that house. I know staying 1 extra day seems not too big of a deal but there was literally nowhere in the house I could go to escape the screaming. I am very happy."
35 years later...
"My grandma offered to make him a sandwich. A little while later he said, where is that sandwich coming from, South Dakota? Guess he thought it was taking too long. 35 years later I still think about that asshole sometimes and wonder wtf was he thinking? Just how could you say that to someone's grandmother you just met? He was my cousin's dorky boyfriend's friend. I was about 13 yo and appalled. My grandmother was the sweetest woman and an amazing hostess."
Remember to ask if shoes are allowed in the house, compliment the chef, and don't call phone sex lines using the homeowner's phone unless you intend on reimbursing them.
And maybe not even then.
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It is universally understood that an invitation to someone's home is an honor.
Whether it is a family member or a friend, a guest entering a person's private property should treated it with the utmost respect.
Or at least you would think.
There is always the reckless child who is left unsupervised and "accidentally" destroys a precious tchotchke, or the clumsy friend who spills red wine all over your white couch while mildly tipsy.
And owning a white couch is neither here nor there, so don't ask me why I'm still bitter about that "hypothetical" party foul.
Wondering about the manner in which house guests have made messy exits, Redditor itzzyoboijg asked:
Deep Fried Floor
"Had a friend who stayed over after a drunken night out, he decided in the middle of the night that he wanted some potato waffles (fair enough) and he wanted them deep-fried (fair enough), but somehow he managed to knock the fryer off the counter and tip the manky oil all over the kitchen floor. He then left without telling anyone what had happened."
"First I knew of it was when I nearly broke my ankle slipping in the grease the next morning. It took hours to clean and the kitchen smelt like a chipshop until we moved out."
Permanent House Guests
"The worst guests are the ones who don't leave."
"I have a friend who does this. He's a good friend and understands when you say "i gotta go". But he doesn't know when he should go home. Once he stayed in my place until 12. I was tired af and just wanted to sleep, and kept making hints as to not directly say it. But he didn't take the hint lol
"Personally, it was when family members' children broke items in my home. Every time, the children didn't say a word about breaking anything, so my siblings and I would find them after they left. When confronting the children, they usually admit to breaking them, but the parents still denied responsibility and that their child could do no harm."
"It seems minor, but it can get really annoying finding broken toys/glass/objects/etc. in your home, worrying about if it's all of it, and not being able to show sadness/anger when some of the items that were broken had sentimental value to you."
The Keurig Cup Incident
"College student here who lives in a pretty nice house with 4 other people."
"One of my roommates would consistently have friends over who would trash the place. Track dirt through the house cause they didn't take their shoes off, would drink and leaves cans and bottles all over the floor, left McDonald's half eaten burgers on the couch. Basically treated the place like a garbage can."
"The final straw for them coming over was hiding my other roommates Keurig cups around the house. They never let us know where they all were so one day we went to heat the oven up not knowing there was one in there and the plastic melted all in the oven."
"The house smelt like sh*t for the rest of the day. They were not allowed over after that."
"Had some people over for a small party, including the new guy at work. All's good, everyone has fun, including new guy who gets behind quite a few drinks and by 1:00 AM is down for the count. No problem, happy to have him stay, we get him moved into the spare bedroom to sleep it off."
Next day I'm up cleaning up and new guy comes out of the bedroom, looking a little rough. I ask him how he is, he mumbles that he's okay but has a headache and needs to leave. Offer him breakfast, he says no, he has some important stuff to do and splits. I glance in the bedroom, see he's kind of made the bed, figure I'll get the sheets off it and wash them later. I get dressed and head out."
"Come back a few hours later and go into the spare bedroom and notice a smell - peel back the covers to see that dude had puked all over the bed, I mean he f'king painted it. Then he just pulled up the covers and left. No f'king responsibility, didn't even tell me, just left my spare bed and mattress to ferment in his raunchy puke."
"Got to work on Monday, told him he's a total f'king a**hole and he owes me for new sheets, in front of the whole department. Made him pay up, then told him not to talk to me again. It pretty much killed his relationship with the whole team, he left a few months later."
"Fast Food Bathroom Blowups"
"Less a voluntary guest and more had a company guy over to look at one of my appliances. He asked if he could use the bathroom and I was a little wary but I'm not a monster who forces techs to drive up the street to the gas station to take a crap so I said go ahead."
"I'm pretty sure after he went back outside to finish working, I could hear the toilet softly weeping from behind the closed door. My guy just completely demolished my porcelain with doodoo. It was early morning, so I guess me being the first appointment of the day meant my bathroom was on the receiving end of some morning coffee stomach distress. It was like one of those fast food bathroom blowups you sometimes walk into when you go there for lunch and have to pee. Just...in my personal bathroom."
"I just kind of...quietly backed out and closed the door. He finished working and after he left I put some gloves and a mask on and solemnly went in to clean up because it's the only bathroom in my house. When I got the bill I kind of wanted to ask if there was a 'toilet destroyer' discount I could get but I didn't want to embarrass anyone."
"The worst was a house guest of several days who let our indoor cat outside while we were at work."
"We had told him that the only 'house rule' was never to let the cat out as he's an indoors only cat (has never been outside on his own)."
"This guy actually thought it was somehow 'amusing' that we were so upset over our lost cat. The guest was ushered out immediately, never to be heard from again."
"With my debit card. Seriously just 3 nights ago a friend I had met when I moved to this neighborhood last year took it out of my wallet and left while I was in the bathroom. Thank God for text notifications and the allow card transactions button in my bank's app."
Unsanitary Store Guest
"Once a motherf'ker didn't wash his f'kin hands after using the bathroom, i sent him to do so but refused to by saying his d!ck was cleaner than most of my stuff, then he went on to touch everything, he went from friend to customer to a customer i charge extra because after he comes i have to deep clean."
Old Enough To Know Better
"A friend of a now-ex gf was down on his luck and I decided to throw him a few bones. We wanted to go to renfest and go on a weeklong mead fueled bender, so I asked him to housesit for a week. I paid him cash up front, loaded the fridge with good food, gave him a generous Walmart gift card to help him with his wardrobe (his clothes were in tatters), and even paid to get his acoustic guitar fixed."
"After a week we came back to find the house was strewn with clothes, all of the food in my fridge was untouched and going bad, and he and his buddies had spent the money on hot pockets, soda and video games. barely any of the wrappers, boxes, and cans made it into the trash because he didn't empty the garbage when it filled up. There was a new stench in the house that took a carpet steaming session to get rid of. The dude was in his mid thirties."
Cigarettes And Sh*t
"My mom's brother and his wife came to stay with us for a few months when we were kids. It was already shitty that my sister and I got forced out of our room to make way for them, but these motherf****** completely trashed it. After months of sleeping on the couch we come back in and it's almost unfit to inhabit. The walls are stained with nicotine, there's cigarette burns in our mattresses, ash and mummified cat shit was embedded in the carpet! We had to sleep in the living room again for an extra month while our room aired out and it still smelled like cigarettes and shit for the rest of the year."
Damage Done In An Hour
"I have a buddy who takes no responsibility for anything he does. We don't invite places. He is funny and charming but literally insane when it comes to his own fault in things.He came over to my house once with his dog while I was out. I was gone for maybe an hour and I came back and he had accidentally thrown a baseball through my window and his dog chewed up a couch cushion. When I asked if he was going to pay for the window or fix my couch and he said it was my fault for inviting him over and left."
Hard To Hate
"A friend of mine brought a new friend over. Who proceeded to run around into rooms he shouldn't have been in. We caught him eating leftovers off the table. He left trash everywhere. And even ripped up my tennis ball. Needless to say he eventually became my best friend and is a good pupper."
Why We Stay Away From Meth
"I Invited a distant friend into my house for a few weeks while they were moving to my state. Instead of finding a place of his own, his tactic was to find a vulnerable woman who would let him move in with her for free. (D*ck & drugs was rent $ in his mind)"
"He started bringing strange women into my home without my knowledge, to have sex. I caught him abusing one of these poor women in a drug rage. Reason: She refused sex after he got her high. I told them both to leave my house and not come back. He decided this was a great moment to tell me that 'his room' was 'his domain.' I disagreed. I threatened to call the cops on them both and they left quickly. His room was disgusting.
"I ended the friendship immediately with no remorse. I casually monitored his social media and watched him breeze through four more unfortunate women. Using them up completely until they upset him. A con man in the truest sense."
"He died a few months after I kicked him out, in a drug influenced auto accident..."
Visiting people, particularly friends, can be a great time to bond and create lasting memories... that is until you see your host do something rather weird in their own home. (Or maybe that's its own kind of memory.)
Redditor Jubilantjerk gave us today's burning question when they reached out to the online community and asked: "What's the strangest thing you've ever seen someone casually do while you were in their home?"