People Who Grew Up Poor Explain The Things Rich Kids Will Never Understand
Being poor is not fun, I can attest. I never went to bed hungry, but times were often tough.
And having friends who had a lot when you have little can be an overwhelming feeling.
However, it did give me a sense of how to appreciate money, when I have it, and appreciate the things I have in general.
Yes, being rich is great and having tons of cash solves a lot, but the poor kids know a thing or two about survival.
And that is priceless.
RedditorBobtheglob71wanted to hear from the people who know what it's like to really appreciate a dollar, by asking:
"Redditors who grew up poor, what is something that 'rich kids' will never understand?"
In an interview, Dolly Parton once said... "I've been rich and I've been poor. Rich is better. But, what I do know from being poor is that if it happened again, I'd know how to survive and be happy."
(I'm paraphrasing) I love her.
Mealtime
"When I went to school (in the '70s). At lunch time we had to stand in line in the hall before going into the cafeteria. they made those of us on 'free lunches' stand in the back of the line. It was quite humiliating." ~ BirdGuy64
GiphyBasics...
"What a luxury laundry is. Those kids i went to.school with will never understand I was so poor my family couldn't afford to use the laundry machines in our building, so often times my dad would just get a big cheap bottle of dish soap or some bars of Irish Spring, and that soap was for laundry, dishes and bathing. Also that those tv dinners were a god send. Getting 20 banquet tv dinners for 10 bucks meant eating good for a few days."
Gifts
"All my gifts for Christmas and Birthdays were something I needed or would need and had to be bought anyway. Like clothes, shoes, or school supplies. Never, never anything fun or just because I wanted it. I also had to steal my first real bra because I'd outgrown my training bra. I'd even snipped the elastic all around to provide more stretch but it wasn't working anymore and people were commenting on it." ~ freckledjezebel
Time Away
"Family vacations were nonexistent." ~ personofinterest18
"I remember coming back from summer vacation and dreading going back to school for the mere fact I had nothing interesting to share about the summer. All my classmates would talk about their vacations and I would make something up so I wouldn’t sound boring." ~ Scared_Difference_24
Witness
"Watching your mom have to put items back as there is it not enough money to pay for everything." ~ Poenkel
GiphyWell that all hits close to home.
Nevermind appreciating money, be thankful you can appreciate food.
Eat Please
"Having dinner and knowing that your Mum isn't eating, not because she isn't hungry, but because she's making sure her kids have food first." ~ DragonsLoveBoxes
GiphyAluminum...
"Collecting aluminum cans." ~ DryMartini_Up
"I used to have a can crusher outside and one of my chores was to crush the cans. We would put them in this industrial plastic barrel that my dad got from work. When it eventually filled up, we took it to the scrap metal yard and sold the cans." ~ WeirdJawn
When to Sleep
"Sleep for dinner." ~ Leeono
"I used to do sleep for lunch. Because I’m high school some days I’d be there from 7:30 to 6:30 and counting leaving the house I actually was away from around 6:00am to 8:00pm." ~ docasj
Living on the Edge
"That it never goes away. I want from homeless growing up to having a very comfy six figure job. I still find myself acting as if I am always living on the edge of homelessness again. Thinking I can't try new foods because it I don't like it then I won't get dinner. That I'm a bad person for throwing out things instead of trying to reuse them. I get serious panic attacks I think I did bad at work because my brain still tells me I'm one paycheck from the street." ~ AsexualAccountant
Too Much Stuff
"A lifetime of clutter because it's so hard to throw anything away even when you're no longer poor." ~ HermitWilson
GiphyMoms rule.
Money helps.
There is no shame in poor.
God bless us all.
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Money isn't everything, but it can change everything.
I think we're far enough along as a society to appreciate the fact that money does indeed make things easier.
I grew up poor and my biggest regret of my childhood is that I didn't grow up rich.
There are just so many things you have access to. No... money is not the cure for everything wrong, and it can cause strife, but it can get you a lot great stuff that makes drama easier to deal with.
There were so many simple signs of wealth I could point out as a poor kid, you'd be shocked. Sometimes it was just three meals a day.
Redditor phiggie wanted to discuss everyone's ideas on being rich, by asking:
"Redditors who grew up poor, what do you associate with being rich?"
Fancy cars. That was always my first clue. And now that I'm older, how you order a drink without care. There is a significant price difference between SKOL vodka and Belvedere.
Need It
give me christmas GIF by TargetGiphy"Being able to buy something you need without having to ask yourself how badly you need it." ~ Awkward_Name5898
"New Girl"
"There's a line from Nick in "New Girl" that describes being well off as 'filling your gas tank up all the way rich.' That was the rich I wanted to be. Comfortable. Also not having to do math in the grocery store to see what food you can buy. I hated that. I wanted to just go buy necessities like gas and food without worrying. Proud to say that now I usually fill my gas tank all the way and don't do math when buying groceries." ~ Top_Confidence_9177
"next year"
"My parents used to tell us they were saving up to take us to Disney, always "next year." Years came and went and they quietly stopped mentioning it. All my friends and schoolmates got to go, though. I did eventually get to go to Disneyland as an adult a few years ago as an LA local for my best friend's birthday."
"I had 0 in my bank account because of it and had to get assistance paying the following month's bills but it was extremely fun & unforgettable. Oversight on my friend's part that not all of us could afford to go but I didn't want to pass it up either since I never got to go as a kid." ~ bee3056
Count it...
"Not knowing EXACTLY how much money you have at any given time." ~ wrongstuff
"Wow, that resonated with me in a way that actually kind of surprised me. I'd never thought about it before, but it's so true. back when I was struggling, I knew down to the penny what was in my bank account at all times." ~ Sniffs_Markers
"Holy crap this is true. I was poor growing up and was financially insecure until well into my 20s. I knew exactly how much money I had and how to budget it to make sure I could eat until the next paycheck came in. I managed to progress my career to a pretty high level of seniority and nowadays I don't even know how much I earn. I have a rough idea but because of all the benefits and the way bonuses are calculated I couldn't actually tell you a figure. And yet I still buy discounted stuff that's going out of date at the supermarket." ~ fadevelocity
Stuff
Moving Season 2 GIF by Paramount+Giphy"Going to a store to pick out furniture. Like, actually buying NEW stuff, not just taking whatever you can find at thrift stores or garage sales. That seems so luxurious!" ~ Nonsenseinabag
So far, all true. How does one shop without looking at the price? That's living the dream.
People Explain Activities They've Added To Their Post-Pandemic Bucket List | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
While we've all been cooped up for the better part of two years, many of us have been dreaming up exciting plans for the future. Maybe it's finally time to s...Necessities...
"Not having to worry about food or bills. Paying out of pocket at the dentist." ~ Longjumping-Price-42
"I was poor for a bit and my wife and I would have $100 for food and gas for the month. We had to balance driving too much or eating better food. First time I was able to fill my tank and buy whatever I wanted to eat was the best feeling." ~ allf8ed
"Even better is not worrying or having anxiety to log in to your bank account to see how much money you have left." ~ flimspringfield
Movin' On Up!
"Hiring moving men. Especially if they're the ones who pack all of your crap for you, too. So many times, I would borrow a friend's pickup (and buy my friend's help with offers of pizza and beer) to move from one sh*tty place to another. For my most recent move, my wife and I packed everything, but hired professionals to load and unload it. I felt like a king." ~ KhaoticMess
Luxuries
"Hiring people to either cook, clean, mow the grass or do snow removal in the winter. Showing my age but rich people didn't need lay away to afford back to school or Christmas shopping I don't remember ever having name brand items, food or clothing. It was all generic Kmart. I bought my son a pair of Nike shoes and thought I felt rich for doing so." ~ thatstaceygirl
SURPRISE!!
Alicia Silverstone My Bad GIFGiphy"Parents buying a car for your 16th birthday." ~ ghosthues
I was mortified...
"Regular doctor's office visits or seeing a dentist at all for anything other than an emergency." ~ didnsignup4dis
This brings back a horrible memory. When I was 19 I had to get my wisdom teeth removed because they were hurting and pushing my other teeth together. I didn't have insurance because I was too poor but also made 'too much money' for state assistance ($10.50/hour) so I had to pay out of pocket. When the HR woman brought up what the bill would be I started crying and she asked if I was sure I could pay it in the most pitying way. I was mortified." ~ f**kit_sowhat
Colors
"Having the crayons that have the sharpener built into the box." ~ dahopppa
"I so wanted the big box of crayons with all the beautiful colors when I was a kid. They were so cool." ~ OddTransportation121
'appetizer money'
sign language appetizer GIF by Sign with RobertGiphy"Getting an appetizer and/or dessert at a restaurant in addition to an entree." ~ Frankfluff
"Growing up we went out to dinner once around Christmas and maybe once in the summer (unless my grandpa came and took us out.) We knew not to even think about asking for appetizers or any drink but water."
"Since we've all left home my dad got a better paying job. My mom likes to say that they now have 'appetizer money' and it makes me really happy for them. We went out to dinner a few years ago when I was home for Christmas, and after we all ordered a single entree my mom asked if we wanted anything else. All of us siblings didn't even know how to respond. It was really weird, but very cool." ~ redsyrinx2112
Money Owed
"Not having debt collectors coming round." ~ alanbastard
"This! I remember multiple occasions where my mum would run into the living room, turn everything off frantically and tell us to hide until she said we could come out. People would knock and look through the windows etc. And eventually leave and i never really thought about that until fairly recently. Was 100% debt collection and my mum not being able to pay." ~ Edmaaate
Good Eats
"Having snacks in the house a week after grocery day." ~ fiftyonions
"Me shopping Saturday morning: I better get two bags of chips so I have some at the end of the week."
"Me 2am: Monday morning: vomiting because I ate both bags over the weekend." ~ transylvanian_witch
Bedding Accessories
"Knowing what a duvet cover is and owning one. I remember when my wife and I were newlyweds and she was telling me how we needed a duvet cover for our bed. I had no clue what a duvet cover was prior as I always though people just purchase sheets and/or the big blankets with the lion/tiger prints. Suffice to say, my mind was blown away." ~ hominian
Being There
"Parents having time to show up in school events or parents throwing birthday parties in school for their kid." ~ UnderTheFishHook
"One of my friends was going through that with her kids' school pre-Covid. She managed to get her kid into an honestly really great elementary school, and her sons teacher was pretty much shaming her for never showing up during school events, specifically the ones that happen during school hours."
"The time of day when she worked. When she tried explaining to the teacher that she worked during the day, the teacher suggested taking a vacation or sick time. My friend tried to explain to her that she doesn't get vacation or sick time at her jobs. The teacher then insinuated that she wasn't caring for her son's education by not being there to support him. So much BS." ~ Diredoe
Whatever
"Indifference. I realized what real wealth meant in high school when we cleaned up trash from a creek and the rich kids wore their Polo shirts, Guess jeans, and Jordan's because if they were trashed they simply would get new. The poor kids wore their grubby clothes they do labor in. Wealth is shown most acutely by indifference, nothing matters because money will fix it and there is plenty enough to fill black holes." ~ Waxnpoetic
Yummy
Pizza Pizza Pizza Dancing GIF by Domino’s UK and ROIGiphy"Eating pizza because you want to not because it's $2. That and mom eating along with us normally instead of pretending that the crust is her favorite part and that's why she'd eat the crust we leave." ~ DirtySingh
Fists Down
"Parents that didn't fight. Mine and my other poor friends' parents were always fighting. Most of the time my parents fought it was over money. You could tell that they were just scared whether or not we were going to make it and that's how it manifested."
"You just never really saw that same type of fighting at the friend's parents who were comfortable. Like obviously there's more factors but there's a unique chaotic tension in poor households that is hard to describe." ~ Elegant_Extreme3268
Why would a 16-year-old need an expensive car? They're just learning. Whatever, spend as you will.
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People Who Grew Up Poor Break Down What 'White Privilege' Means To Them
Let's chat. Redditor u/coronorbakery wanted to hear from everyone who was willing to chat about about understanding their place in life and how they got there by asking.... (Serious) White people who grew up in low-income families or didn't experience "the good life", what does white privilege mean to you and how do you feel about the term?
Don't Generalize.
I view privilege as a way of describing statistical tendencies. Are Black Americans more likely to experience a negative encounter with police? Yes. Does that mean that every white guy has had only positive experience with police? Of course not. It's a probability metric, not an exact description of each person's individual life.
It is entirely possible that you have an attribute that, on average, favors you... but you were extremely unlucky and landed in the bottom end of the bell curve. Experiencing tough times personally doesn't invalidate statistical averages.
The only time it really annoys me is when people assume they know all about someone based solely on privilege and generalizing from a few obvious traits.
The 2 of Us.
I grew up very poor. Luckily with my parents who are good people.
My partner also grew up poor with his amazing mom who brought them from a war torn country in Africa to the Bronx as refugees before finally getting refugee status here in Canada. If you look at us both based only on economic backgrounds, how much money we had and that we both know what it's like to go without hydro or heat or food you could compare our situations but that is where it ends.
I've never been arrested for being poor. He has. We've both done illegal things to survive yet how come I have never spent a day in jail and have a squeaky clean record yet he does not? I've never been pulled over for driving over a year with expired tags because I couldn't afford the renewal yet he gets pulled over all the time for nothing. Especially now that we have a nice car. I've never been harassed or beat by police for just existing in my body, he has. When I went to university it wasn't assumed that my athletic ability got me there. When I dropped out of university to work full time to support my parents it was not assumed that I dropped out because I wasn't smart enough. I was not considered a drop out.
He was. Today, as a successful, educated woman when I present myself to people who do not know my background no one assumes anything about how I got here. No one asks me how I could possibly do it. They assume I earned it and that I had what they consider a normal upbringing. He does not get that assumption.
There's so, so much more. At the end of the day we both pulled ourselves out of poverty and suffering but yet the assumptions made about us are not the same. Not at all.
Among the Ivy League.
We were immigrants from Eastern Europe. Although we never thought of ourselves as poor I guess that's what we were - our furniture came from the street, my dad worked pumping gas and driving cabs, my brother got beat up in school for wearing the same clothes every day. My cousins all went to prison, I dropped out of high school.
I have a white collar job now and work among Ivy League grads. No one knows I'm a dropout. Was it easier for me because I'm not black? Probably. Do i feel guilty? Hell no, I've had my share of problems and more in this life and I'm happy for every advantage I got. That's not to say I wouldn't want to see Black Americans succeed and play on a more level field, I very much would. But i can't feel guilty about my own success.
The Look.
I was able to work my way out of it and never once worried that my appearance would be the deciding factor in an opportunity (unless you're thinking about the hospitality industry - then it's about attractiveness no matter the race.)
EDIT: Thanks for the awards.
Also, I meant to say that the hospitality industry discriminates based on attractiveness AND race, not that it doesn't discriminate on race. Many, many other jobs do too, but probably not to the same degree.
Trouble.
I wasn't dirt poor but had a single mom, lived in a duplex and was on welfare periodically. To me white privilege was when I was caught smoking or trespassing or some stupid kid stuff and I got sat on the curb and picked up by my mom while my black friends were cuffed, went to the station or were threatened with violence.
Edit:For those saying "I'm white and I still got in trouble" I'm not implying that I never got in trouble because I'm white. That's not true. However throughout my teenage years it was blatantly obvious that my black and latino friends consistently faced harsher consequences for similar transgressions.
Truck Life.
I grew up below the poverty line and was homeless at times, one in which I lived in a semi truck with my mother, her husband, 3 of my sisters, and 2 of my brothers. My bed was literally the passenger seat floor board.
That being said, white privilege means to me that I can get pulled over or stopped by the cops without the fear of being shot. When I go to the mall, no one assumes I'm shoplifting.
People aren't scared of me or think I'm in a gang just because of the color of my skin. Finding a job in my adult life has been relatively easy. My only real struggles now, as an adult, are that of being a woman, but I do not face the same hurdles women of color face daily. I hope that helps in some way to answer your question honestly.
Mostly White.
I grew up poor with a mother who was very irresponsible (spending money we didn't have and time better spent raising her kids doing drugs). I got into a lot of trouble in my teen years with drugs and generally being a screw up. Im only half white but i look white, and to me white privilege is not getting into as much trouble as i deserved to be in. So many times i was let off with a warning for loitering or shoplifting or brushed of by teachers as being "tired" or "troubled" when i was showing up to school high, and i know i wouldn't have gotten that kind of leeway if i wasn't (mostly) white.
The Way of Words.
I think the word privilege irks people a bit. "I had struggles, how am I privileged? Everything I own I earned myself!" I can understand how people would feel that way to some degree and it usually comes from a lack of understanding due to the phrase of white privilege. That and racism... sometimes.
"Reduced discrimination due to being white" doesn't have the same ring to it as "white privilege."
"what's he up too?"
I legit walked in with a black friend to a store. He got tailed by the store clerk whole time. I didn't.
Friend got called pretty for a black girl. I got told I have nice hair. Heard "wow he sounds so professional I thought that he was white".
Its not about living the good life. I grew up poor. I grew up with a kerosene heater in my kitchen because our lights and power were cut off very often or "let's have a camp fire tonight!" Cause we didn't have electricity for the stove to turn on.
It's about how you are treated. White privilege isn't "oh you didn't grow up poor" white privilege is being treated like a human being because you're a human being and your skin tone being ignored. I don't get shot if I steal I get arrested. I get the benefit of the doubt.
Its not about your money. Or your class. It's about not being treated like you're a criminal or a sub human.
the good life.
I grew up white and dirt poor. I had nothing even remotely resembling "the good life". My life was sh*t by most standards and yet I:
- Didn't feel the need to fear the police in my neighborhood
- Didn't get the police called on me for simply walking down the street
- Didn't cause people to cross to the other side of the street to avoid walking past me
- Was able to walk around a store without being followed by security
- Was statistically far less likely to end up in the criminal justice system
- Saw good role models on TV that I could relate to
- Never had someone be surprised that I accomplished something or could "speak well".
- Could find Band-Aids in my skin color.
I worked my tail off to claw my way out of the mess of my childhood and it was hard, but I have no doubt it would have been exponentially harder if my skin wasn't white.
There are many other examples. White privilege is not about money, nor does it suggest that white people don't struggle for what they have. It is about the fact that the systems we live under were designed by and for white people and others have to adapt to them, change them, or fail.
It's about the unconscious power of the status quo.
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Growing up poor is really, really hard. Once you grow over, however, your past makes you become much more appreciative of what you have. But people who haven't gone through it, simply do not get it.
u/WhomstdV1 asked: What are some things you'd only know by growing up poor?
That would be a bestseller.
If you send a bad check to the utilities company on a Friday you have power for the weekend.
And if it gets returned, you still have a week or so until they realize it.
Back in the '90s I would deliberately put my bank account into overdraft so I could have a few hundred bucks to meet some needs. It was a strategy.
We should write a book on how to be poor.
Merry Christmas
GiphyPre-cut Christmas trees are free on Christmas Eve. I remember the Christmas tree hunt on Christmas Eve was like our little family tradition. We would drive around in the evening looking for stores that still had trees sitting out front. Nine times out of 10, when we would ask about the tree we were interested in, they would say "just take it," glad to get rid of them by that point.
Every year we had a perfectly beautiful tree and it was exciting to find perfect trees for free and then stay up late decorating it with home-made glitter pine cones and candy canes.
Gas station attendants are the real MVPs.
Most gas station attendants will not stop a small child from stealing toilet paper from their bathrooms. Who knew?
I use to work at a gas station. I looked the other way for a lot of stuff. Everyone is struggling and I don't care if a kid steals a candy bar or gets a free ICEE. One man didn't have enough money for a lighter so I said "Wait till I turn around. Go walk to the door, light the cig, throw the lighter on the ground, and walk out."
A good tip.
IDK about in other states but in MN they can't shut your power off during the winter because of the danger of someone freezing to death in their house. So that was a good time to try to catch up on some other bills you are way behind on too.
They just passed the law in Arizona where it is the other way around starting next Summer due to it being 100+ all day and night regularly. Everybody is curious to see how it is going to play out.
A real-life Miss Honey.
GiphyLibraries can save your life.
The first part of my childhood I would get home from school, usually to a vacant house. I really wouldn't know if I was even going to see either of my parents each night. No cell phones of course. But I was always afraid... nervous at least, of what would happen if they did decide to make an appearance.
I started walking to the library everyday after school and staying till they closed every night just to avoid the feeling of anxiety for a little longer. Eventually one of the librarians noticed and took a liking to me. I think she might have been through similar things in her life that she saw in me.
Gradually we got to know each other. First I started noticing there were more books being added in the genres that I liked. Then one day after the library closed, I walked over to McDonald's. I was a quarter or so short to buy a hamburger and she saw me asking people if they had any change. I saw her and was embarrassed and kinda hid from her. From that point on I think she decided that she was going to take me under her wing.
For over a year she would come by my desk at the library and just drop off chips, granola bars, pop, whatever you know? Of course, I would tell her I didn't need it, when in reality I only knew where one meal would come from each day. When I would ask her where it came from, she would just say it was extras from the break room, even though I could hear her in there putting coin after coin into the vending machine.
Eventually she would just bring dinner every night to the library and we would sit down in the break room with each other and eat. I finally opened up to her about my family/living issues and had her to talk to. Even though I was still pretty guarded, this was a huge relief.
THEN, after I had been there almost 2 years, it was the week before school started, and I headed into the library. Before I left she told me to meet her outside after close. I did, we walked to her car, and she pulled out a brand new school backpack, and inside was a new outfit, binder, and shoes (my first Nikes). That's when I broke down, and my walls crumbled. She was a single lady working off a librarians income, but she still made room for me.
For 3 years she supported me as much as she could, and she was more of a friend than I had ever experienced up until that point in my life. She is the number 1 reason I got out of that house and life. She was with me at all my adoption hearings, and made sure I was put with a nice family. She was at my graduation, and my wedding. She saw me grow up and succeed in life after coming from the bottom. She saw her work and love pay off. I went to her funeral this summer and it felt like I had lost my mother, but I couldn't stop reflecting on how much she changed my life through her sacrifice.
Truly an amazing person, and I still donate to the library every year.
Didn't know that.
Stamp paper change.
When I was a kid, if you used food stamps they would give back the change in food stamp form. My Mom was too "proud" to publicly use them so she would make up a reason to leave and I would have to pay using them - I was 11 or so.
She did it every time...I had to learn to keep my head up.
Our parents make so many sacrifices.
That sometimes your parents sacrifice everything they have, including their sanity just to see you happy. And you only learn later in life the soul crushing existence of poverty. Then you wonder how they managed to do so much with so little.
For reals. I was 30 when I realized what mom meant when she told us kids to go ahead and eat because she "ate in the kitchen".
Hunger is no joke.
GiphyWhat hunger really is. I remember waiting for my dad's payday for the grocery shopping trip and being absolutely ravenous when the food got there.
I don't remember which day of the week it was but we'd go on the day that the most free samples were available.
Art projects drain the wallet.
Not to ask their parents for stuff.
I felt so guilty asking for clothes or other school needs.
It also made me dread class art projects, especially in non art classes. Yea it's "only" 20 bucks worth of crafts but that's money we need for real life.
A vintage TV.
Outdated technology.
When I started college, one of my professors asked if anyone in our class remembered how you changed a channel on the TV before remote controls. I was the only person in the room who remembered turning dials and adjusting rabbit ears despite being one of the youngest students in the class, because my family had a TV from the 70s until 1995.
Same sort of thing with computers, phones, etc. If we had it at all, we got something much later than anyone else (after it got cheaper) and bought used. I got my first computer in 1999. It had Windows 3.1 and that was what I used until I was able to use my financial aid to get a new PC tower for college.