Go with Wood.
GiphyPlease don't use hard cutting boards like glass. Go with plastic or wood. Melissa-Crown
Mom is mad.
Don't leave anything on a hot stove, melted a whole plastic spatula. Mom is mad. dr302
Years ago, I had two housemates who, less than a week apart, both managed to melt Tupperware containers onto stove elements that THEY had just been using (so they both KNEW the element was hot), did half-fooled jobs of cleaning it off, and were then surprised I noticed.
I'd literally never known anyone do anything like that ever before, and it's never happened again since. I am still dumbfounded at how they managed to do it, especially the second one, because... Well, the first had just happen happened. nipaka
=/=
High heat =/= faster cook time you'll just burn the outside and inside will be raw. ReasonableBeep
I'm not sure I like this as general advice. I think people cooking with too little heat is a far more common problem than people really cranking up the temps. 454trltljrlj
Do Better.
Don't do what my wife did and put hot bacon grease in Tupperware. Had to have a long conversation with her on that and why you don't put knives blade side up in the dishwasher after one went an inch into my finger. I love her. Krigsgaeldr
Rules.
- Not sharpening your damn knives
- Not storing your tools in a clean place. If you got it out of a dirty drawer and didn't wash it, guess what, it's dirty
- Overcooking pasta
- Undercooking rice
- Using cheap or substandard ingredients. If you cook something yourself, you have control over everything that goes in. So don't use something like a sad, tasteless tomato in a salad or chocolate chips that don't melt because they contain barely any real chocolate. Taman_Should
Fluff It.
Stirring rice. When you're cooking rice on the stove and you bring the rice to a boil, just stick the lid on and turn the heat down the loan and don't touch it. Take it off the burner after 15 minutes and fluff it with the fork. If you stir it it'll make it sticky. OnlyPopcorn
Mamma Mia....
My mother doesn't time pasta she just tosses it in the water and "It's done when the sauce is done" which means whenever she happens to walk by and see the sauce is boiling. It never occurred to me until I moved out and started cooking for myself that her pasta is criminally over cooked.
She asked me why my pasta always tastes so much different than hers and I told her I cook it the amount of time the package says to. She had never thought to look on the package for cooking instructions, and I think that really explains why a lot of her meals turn out the way they do. Vixenstein
Dashed.
GiphyA "dash" of salt is NOT a "dish" of salt. esquemo
This is why so many recipes say season to taste. Obviously not possible for raw meat, but after a while you'll gain a pretty good sense of how much to use. PiesangSlagter
Be Free.
Don't be stuck in your ways. Every moment is a learning experience, sure... you can have that go to recipe, but taking input, criticism and just being generally aware... you can pick up new tricks and ideas like a new download app. Different situations can be rectified by different solutions, varying on time, equipment and care. discordia39
Hold the Water.
GiphyDon't use water to put out a grease fire. IAmAChronicLiar
Better options are to suffocate the fire if it's small enough to cover completely with a lid, or using a lot of baking soda.
If it's a big fire you might get in a commercial kitchen you probably have a dry chemical extinguisher on the wall near by. Retired_cyclops
Oh the Fat.
Don't pour hot fryer oil down the drain. Especially if you have pvc pipes. m31td0wn
I usually pour all my fats and oils into a separate dish, where I refrigerate it and throw it out as a solid with the trash.
Problem is, each time I do this, I go "I'll pour a little more in so I save some water and not wash this dish now".
Basically, I have a bowl full of solidified grease and fat in my fridge at home. fantastictechinique
The Meat.
Don't store raw meat with cooked meat. ParadoxXYZ
One time this fool who I was seeing decided to put cooked chicken shish kebabs on the same plate as the uncooked ones. They were just all touching each other and mixing their spices and things. I couldn't tell there were uncooked ones because they were coated... Until I took a huge bite out of some raw two day old chicken.
For various reasons, including this one, I want that man's diving tank to have structural instability. Soggy-Job
Dairy Issues.....
Not paying close attention when you're boiling milk. One second there's no bubbles, a couple seconds later it's boiling all over the place. DeathSpiral321
Oh yeah. You can usually tell when it's about to boil with how the surface changes. arrowowl
Knives Out....
catching a falling knife. don't even TRY to catch it. step back, and let it fall my guy. novaizawave
This is what killed the night king. AtheistCreationist
Click.
You have to click the tongs several times each time before you use them. Otherwise they won't work. Terror_Beer
You also have to take 1 pair in each hand and pretend you're zoidberg for 5 minutes before actually using them. Fruitbat3
taste test....
Not seasoning as you cook, not tasting as you cook. ukexpat
Made onion rings the other day. They were so good and I ate so many from the paper towel where they were cooling that I couldn't even eat my burger. Forget me they were delicious, though. naranjaspencer
For the love of God.....
For the love of god, you will keep your metal utensil away from the non stick pan.
I will take that utensil from you an poke you with it. JoeHappy
Mix it....
GiphyNot mixing your thickener (flour, corn starch, arrowroot, etc.) with something (usually water) before adding to the liquid, unless you like unexpected spaetzle. Horatio_ATM
Yep. Saw a chef do this and I was absolutely dumbfounded. I told this story on reddit and a bunch of people argued with me calling it a roux even though a roux is supposed to be made with butter in another pan. Never put raw flour in a sauce. Iceehawk
"Don't whistle at me, you look more like a dog than I do"
GiphyThere was a woman who whistled at him to fix her food and he goes "Don't whistle at me, you look more like a dog than I do!" Then when he got her food ready he said something like make sure you put a leash on her plate so the woman doesn't run off with it. Stellaextra22
Salad Issues....
Gordon Ramsay: was there anything I ate tonight that wasn't microwaved?
Person: the salad
Gordon Ramsay: of course the salad wasn't microwaved you damn Donut! fireflies123_
The Favorite.
"I've never, ever, ever met someone I believe in as little as you." thiswasyouridea
Oh damn I actually remember that one. That's my favorite episode. aspirationalcornhusk
"How about a thank you, you miserable wee fool?"
GiphySome of my absolute favorites, mostly because they are so spontaneous!
- "You give me them anaemic bits of crap, I'll f*cking throw them up your butt sideways."
- "Hey panini head, are you listening to me?"
- "For what we are about to eat, may the Lord make us truly not vomit."
- "This crab is so undercooked I can still hear it singing 'Under the Sea.'"
- "How about a thank you, you miserable wee fool?" drunkolive99
Usseles....
"come here you! You useless sack of pee and wind" wolfofluna
"Andy, you're a first class fool"
"Andy, you're a first class fool"
"You're about as consistent as pigeon poop on Trafalgar Square"
"Forget me? How about forget you"
"And he's standing there looking like a toilet brush"
"F off you piece of damn yankie dankie doodle poop, F off will you please yeah?"
"Right, well I'll get you your pumpkin, and I'll ram it up your useless butt, would you like it whole or diced?"
"Don't whistle at me I'm not your damn dog, you look like more of a dog than I do"
Just some of my favorites. CallMeKevinsUsedSock
That's why it's called non-stiiiiiiiiiiick!
"You know, if you sauté scallops in a non-stick pan, they won't stick. That's why it's called non-stiiiiiiiiiiick!
I don't know what they call it in Texas, sweetheart, but damn me!" Back2Bach
Chimi-chuck-it-in-the-bin!
Chimichanga? More like chimi-chuck-it-in-the-bin! SgtShickamabob
I remember it as chimi chuck it in the bin.. but that was hilarious and I laugh when I think about it. ParagAgarwal
TRUTH!
Giphy"Why did the chicken cross the road?"
"Cause thats how it escaped out of this restaurant, thats how f-ing raw this is." HardShellFlamboyancy
Who else has a Gordon share?