"After a recent study found 1 in 8 men under 35 admit to taking condoms to funerals "just in case", what's your experience with this?"
Select Crowd...
"I went to my grandma's funeral and hit it off with this hot nurse."
"Things were going great until my brother pulled me aside and said it was my second cousin."
'You know who shows up at funerals for old people? "
"Family members."- bumblef**kglobal
"I remember seeing a really hot chick at my grandmother's funeral."
"Immediately thought was I should chat her up."
"Then my brain went to, 'What if she's family and we just never met?'"
"I just went back to mourning."- VideoGameDana
Okay then...
"Once I was dating a girl whose dad absolutely forbid us from dating."
"Like, would lock his daughter in her room and take her phone to make sure we did not communicate."
"She told me when we spoke for a moment at Starbucks that she would date me if her dad was out of the picture."
"He died is a car crash on the freeway, and since her mom liked me invited me to the funeral."
"My girl and I sat next to each other at the funeral and couldn't wait, got it on in the parking lot of the funeral home."
"Condom was necessary."- crunchysquare
car studio GIF by ZI ItalyGiphyNever The Funeral, Always The Wake
"Ngl, some of the best parties I’ve been to have been wakes."
"In no way disrespectful, they were a celebration of the person’s life and also a massive tension release after grimness of the funeral itself."
"So I’m not surprised some people take a condom just in case."
"I’ve never done it, but I didn’t often expect to get laid regardless of situation."- Goryokaku
Oops...
"Proudly in the 7 out of 8 camp."
"But the 1 in 8 aren’t wrong."
"Heard through the family grapevine that one of my female cousins met a dude at a funeral and they banged it out the same night."
"Also turns out they were related (what’re the odds at the funeral of a relative? )."
"Distant enough they would never see each other again (different branches of her family), close enough that their family photo albums have overlapping people."- ESQBOJaguar
If You Really Think About It...
"Biologically speaking mourning/death triggers mating instincts as though that death tells the lizard brain in us that we need to procreate because death is scary."
"Scum'ically speaking, funerals typically leave people especially women in a state of fragility that leaves them vulnerable to suggestion and coercion."
"Socially speaking, some people, both men and women, seek comfort and company after/during a mourning period and when two people engage in comforting each other emotionally through a death it can trigger chemicals in the brain that cause the idea of connection or chemistry which can inevitably lead to copulation."- KURO-K1SH1
Season 18 Episode 3 GIF by The SimpsonsGiphyBetter Safe Than Sorry!
"If you forget to bring a condom you increase the chance of casual sex with 10.000%."
"It’s a well-known fact."- Mukkeman
Not Just Men...
"I'm not a man and I've taken condoms 'just in case' pretty much anywhere."
"I've told folks to take condoms 'just in case' to a festival who I was sure would never have a one night stand and who I had never even seen mingle with any man/woman."
"It's a safety."
"The thing costs less than a dollar, but if anything somehow would happen, not having it could cost you your healthiness or independence/freedom due to a child being your new responsibility."
"Unless you absolutely, 100% am sure you will not be having sex that day, and no one will be able to change your mind - carry a condom."
"And having visited a funeral is likely not impactful enough to everyone to make them absolutely sure of that."-deterministic_lynx
It Is, Indeed, A Source Of Comfort...
"I'm a woman, but I'm going to point out that grief affects everyone differently."
"Some people get an intense need for sex when they are grieving, I speak from experience here."
"Perhaps they're carrying them everywhere already, but choosing to take some specifically to a funeral makes perfect sense to me."- Sexy-Snowflake
"My bf's son died, and his sex drive was significantly higher around that time period, I think it's just a way men deal with stress."- Arielxxxlee
Sexy Ava Gardner GIF by Turner Classic MoviesAlways Listen To Your Mother...
"When I turned 15 my mom told me to always have a condom in my wallet just in case."
"That was before people realized it was really bad to keep it in your wallet."
"So yeah I’ve been pretty much everywhere with one 'just in case'."- euphoria110
If It's Already There, Why Take It Out?
"I do too."
"I'm not going to remove the random condom that is in my wallet just because I'm going to a funeral."
"Not that I ever needed one, I'm still a virgin BTW."- azarbi
When One Life Ends, Another Begins...
"I’ve heard that the proximity of death increases the desire to make new life."
"Anecdotally, my FIL and MIL met at a funeral and 9 months later my husband was born."- KerouacsGirlfriend
Lionel Messi Hug GIF by FC BarcelonaGiphyNot SPECIFICALLY Funerals...
"We bring condoms everywhere, 'just in case', not only the funeral, you silly!"- WeetIkVeelNL
No one should be judged if they happen to have a condom with them when attending a funeral.
After all, should the moment arise, better to be prepared and safe.
On the other hand, if any of these people are attending the funeral with the intention of "getting lucky", that's just... yeah...
When one must toot....
Baby Fart GIFGiphyMy father's funeral... my daughter was 3 months old and have a lot of belly pain... she farted so loudly that the priest needed to stop talking for us to stop laughing...
He even told us that the church was a serious place, and if we couldn't behave to get out.. I told him the deceased was my father, and I couldn't control my daughter's farts.
Into the Casket
My mother and father went to a funeral of one of mother's aunts that she was not close too, in fact my father had never met her. As they stood at the open casket my father said to my mother " she just doesn't look like herself" again my father had never seen the aunt before. For whatever reason this struck my mother as very funny and she started laughing, she held her hands to her face and ran from the casket. Her sisters saw this and thought she distraught and followed her out to console her. Where my mother had to explain that she was laughing and not crying and why. She was so pissed at my father it was hilarious.
Oh Wanda
Visiting my Grandmothers grave with my grandfather for the first time a few years ago. Expected tears and a solemn day. Instead we passed a grave marked "Wanda" and my grandfather said "Well I wanda what killed her?" none of us could stop laughing, my grandmother would have loved it.
God is Warmth
jesus deal with it GIFGiphyAt a funeral, the pastor kept referring to God as "The Great Comforter" and all I could think of was a tacky bedspread glowing with holy light. Every time he said it my giggles got worse to the point I had to pretend I was crying really hard and left to hide in the bathroom.
Hey Dot
When I was in my early twenties my great aunt, who we weren't close with, passed away. At the wake, my mom and I went up to pay our respects and I said "I haven't seen Aunt Dot in thirty years" which made my mom start laughing which in turn made me start laughing uncontrollably. Thankfully it was a packed funeral parlor and no one seemed to notice.
The Kebab Stand
In High school there was three religion courses you could pick: catholic, evangelic (edit: I'm told it's protestant in English) or neutral. You would have different topics in class and different destinations on the yearly trip. I picked catholic and on the yearly trip we went to a monastery. On the third day one of the exercises was to talk about death, so there's 20 kids in a circle of chairs and everyone's crying because everyone lost a loved one at some point and death is a hard topic.
The teacher starts talking about how she imagines death to be like and begins to tell: "I imagine after dying there to be a long long spiral staircase. And you go down and down until there's a door and behind that door..." The rest I didn't hear because my friend next to me whispers: "A damn kebab-stand" We both sat there giggling for like 20 more minutes until the meeting was over. To this day I feel really bad.
Let me clear my throat....
I had this really nice but really awkward physics teacher in high school. He was a large nerdy man but spoke with a lisp and a very soft voice. Imagine the guy from office space asking for his stapler, that's how he sounded. One day he is giving his lesson and mid sentence he goes from this voice to what sounded like satan himself. "Ok class please (deep hell voice) TAKE OUT YOUR BOOKS, cough cough erm... excuse me must have something in my throat."
Then continued like nothing happened. I could not, for the life of me stop freaking laughing and I was the only freaking one. It was the most bizarre and freaking hilarious thing I had ever seen. I had to walk out of the class to catch my composure. This was at least 15 years ago now and I'll never forget it.
Relish?
happy dance GIF by SpongeBob SquarePantsGiphyNot me, but my friend. She was getting fired from her job, and all she could think about was "What'll it be fellas? Mustard, or ketchup?" from the Spongebob Squarepants movie.
God's Curse
In school we did a course on mythology and had a project where we had to write our own mythological stories for the creation of creatures/places/etc.
One kid wrote a story about how a man was abusing his horse, so the Gods cursed him. One day his horse threw him onto spear which went through the back of his head and out of his forehead, and he transformed into the first unicorn.
I couldn't freaking stop laughing for a solid 5 minutes. The teacher berated me for laughing at violence but the kid and I both thought that was funny as hell.
Peace Out
Funeral GIF by memecandyGiphyMy Grandad had "If you don't know me by now" played as the curtains closed at his funeral.
Shouldn't have laughed. Couldn't help it. Legend.
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The Worst Things People Can Say At A Funeral
Reddit user Comfortableguy12 asked: 'Whats the worst thing you can say to someone at a funeral?'
Funerals are extremely sad occasions. There are no two ways about it.
Nothing anyone says can really make you feel better during a funeral, especially if it's for someone you're really close to.
However, certain things people say can make you feel worse.
Redditors know there are some inappropriate or insensitive things people can say during a funeral, and they are ready to share what those things are.
It all started when Redditor Comfortableguy12 asked:
Parentless
"My grandmother died in 1978. At my grandfather's funeral in 2012, someone leaned into my dad and whispered "you're an orphan now""
– seanofkelley
"My 60 year old mom said “I just realized I’m an orphan now” while sitting in the airport flying home from her mom’s funeral"
– greenleafbrownbark
Still There
"after i left my moms grave this year after placing flowers for mothers day i texted my friend. "good news. my moms right where we left her""
"that is the morbid sense of humor that i have. my family has a similar sense of humor."
– NerJaro
"We went to a family member’s graveside services. I said to my brother "I think Dad is buried over there" - pointing to the right. My brother said "No, I think he’s over there" - pointing to the left. Our uncle (dad’s brother) came up between us and said "well I don’t think he moved!""
– RockabillyBlues1
Yikes!
"“Just say sorry for your loss then move on.”"
"“I’m sorry for your loss, move on.”"
– Choice-Bus-1177
Too Soon?
"Not the funeral, but during the planning of my dads. He wasnt a church goer but would attend family functions and find a way to slip out during services. When we were discussing his church service, I said for it not to be too long else he'll be getting out the coffin and waiting outside till it was over. Definitely too soon for that comment."
– emmadilemma71
"He’d have thought it was funny."
– adamkissing
Jaw Dropping
"So, now that you are single..."
– SomeJadedGuy
"Oh no"
– mvs2417
Worst Advice Given Twice
"I’m sorry for your loss. Move on."
– wine_n_cats
"I'm sorry for your loss. Move on."
– TheShlepper
No Chill
"Story is that at the funeral of my great grandfather on my mom's side (who was by all accounts just a super mean hateful man), the preacher said something along the lines of "Let's get this over with quickly just in case Satan wants to personally come get his #1 guy""
– tubahero3469
My Money!
"Well, now I’m never get that $20 back."
– UsedToHaveThisName
"This is actually funny."
"I knew a girl who had an extremely dark sense of humour. She was usually in rough times and I’d lend her money. I hadn’t seen her for about 3-4 months as she was a regular customer at my work. One day someone came in and asked if we knew her, told us she died in her apartment months before and they just found her. I was like, “damn some people will do anything not to pay someone back.” Something she would have laughed at."
"RIP though. She was great."
– sweetcreamclot
"My dad did this to one of his close friends wife. He approached her and was like, "Hey... So this might not be the best time, but Tony owed me twenty bucks..." And she laughed so hard that it lightened the mood for a little bit"
– neverforglet
"That's a risky joke. Obviously he knew it wouldn't fall flat. Good for him."
– PitBullFan
"Everyone cracks up laughing. Then the guy says, “Hehe… no, but seriously, I really could use that 20 bucks…”"
– Metals4J
Completely Insensitive
"When my 3 month old son died of SIDS; a lady came up to me and said “At least you are young enough to have other children.""
– grandmaWI
"I don’t understand how people can think that human children are interchangeable. I’m so sorry."
– imabaaaaaadguy
And Again
"I was struggling with infertility for years. When my dad died my stepsister said "I bet you feel so bad that you never gave him any grandkids." I will remember that for as long as I live. I've never felt worse or lower in my life."
– MistressAlabaster
Guest At Your Own Funeral
"“Even with all of her health issues, I glad Grandma was able to come today.”"
– Spirited_Outside1583
"I did text my sister in law to remind her not to be late to her own funeral. It was a joke we'd always had, and I promised to do it for her when we knew she was dying. Cried my eyes out sending that message, but also would have absolutely shat myself inside out if there had been a reply."
– MadWifeUK
Definitely Not Okay
"This post reminds me of what someone said when my grandfather passed away. He had really bad Alzheimers and it was so painful for my mother to watch her father essentially degrade over time. We were at his funeral when someone said to my mother "Who cares? He was pretty much already dead.""
"Because of the disease, and I was literally going to kill this motherf**ker for saying that to my grieving mother at her own father's funeral. Luckily my brother is much more level-headed than me and told me to just walk away and focus on making sure my mother is okay rather than focusing on murdering the dipsh*t who said that. I do not think I have ever been more mad than I was in that moment in my entire life. Not even close.""
– SweeetBunnn
Very Unhelpful
"“God has a plan” No, the plan was for my dad to see my little brother grow up to be a man. I don’t hate religion, and don’t sh*t on peoples beliefs, but I hate when people said that sh*t"
– Tight_Ad3092
"It's very short sighted"
"I'm sure it gives them solace. But unless they know you feel the same it's a useless saying altogether. Even if the person believes in god's plan.mentioning it may not help them in that moment."
– deterministic_lynx
Horrible...But Hilarious
"All the old people poking me at weddings saying you’re next … I’ve started doing the same to them at funerals"– hquer
"You are the worst, (writes down idea)"– Fastincrib
I might steal that too...