The Weirdest Things Medical Professionals Have Casually Said To A Patient
Reddit user CR24752 asked: 'What’s the weirdest thing a medical professional has casually said to you?'
Though it may not occur to us, the longer we work in a field, the more we distance ourselves from the public perception of it.
Doctors are a great example of this, as they may forget what it's like to be a patient without deep medical knowledge when they're going through something troubling.
Because of this, sometimes doctors make out-of-touch comments that feel totally mundane to them, but the patient listening may find the comment to be incredibly inconsiderate or even alarming.
Curious about others' experiences, Redditor CR24752 asked:
"What's the weirdest thing a medical professional has casually said to you?"
Thanks for the Complex
"When I was like 20, my endocrinologist took a good look at me and asked, 'Are you okay with your face being so asymmetrical?'"
"I had never really noticed it before, but boy have I noticed it since!"
- Fragrant-Opinion2021
A Dental Prodigy
"When I was 12, I had a dentist say, 'Hold on, I think I might be counting wrong, you shouldn't have those yet... Okay, never mind, those are definitely your wisdom teeth. Your mouth is just huge, I guess.'"
"They then said I was the youngest they'd ever seen anyone get their wisdom teeth. So much so, they called in every dentist in the building to come to look at my mouth."
- kodlab115
Not That Funny
"Following a checkup... They said, 'We're going to have to remove your testicles... Just kidding, you should've seen your face.'"
- realpren
Highly Memorable
"After destroying my knee riding BMX at 17, the emergency surgeon said, 'Wow, really f**ked that up.'"
"10 years later and after another serious knee injury from riding, I saw the same surgeon (he did a great job on the first one)."
"The first words out of his mouth were, 'I remember you. F**ked up the other one, huh?'"
- brianbmx94
"I like this guy. He waited 10 years for that moment."
- forestNargacuga
"D**n, I don’t know how I’d feel knowing I f**ked up enough to be remembered by an emergency surgeon."
- Reins22
"Not great, lol (laughing out loud). I literally 'broke' my knee 90 degrees sideways. It had to be forced straight (by him), and then we immediately went into surgery to repair basically every ligament and piece of soft tissue in there. Lucky I didn’t get a fake knee at 17 from that one."
- brianbmx94
"Since I'm not sure which knee this was, I just griped both of mine in horror, just to be safe. Hope that's cool."
- boobookenny
Not in Favor of Being Tall
"Back pain, I’m not young. The doctor just said basically, 'Well, that’s just life for you. You’re tall.'"
"'So I’m just going to end up being a hunched over 90-year-old?'"
"'Lol (laughing out loud), you’re not going to see 90.'"
"'Um… pardon?'"
"'How many tall old people have you ever seen?'"
"'Oh… yeah… okay.'"
- The_Town_of_Canada
"Oof. Unfortunately, he has a point. For a while, I knew a guy who was over six foot, five inches, and worked as a genetic counselor."
"One time we were chatting and he just casually mentioned that he wasn’t expecting to get terribly old. He knew the statistics because of his job, and the odds are not good for people over six feet."
"On the other hand, that’s just averages, not an individual outcome. Plenty of short people die in car accidents in their twenties, and plenty of tall people live well into old age."
- Should_be_less
Textbook Anomaly Examples
"The doctor said, 'If you don’t mind, I’d like to show everyone pictures of your tonsils.'"
"According to her, I had the most disgusting tonsils she had ever seen in her years in the business, and gosh darn, she wanted to show them off."
- Old_Army90
"I had a similar experience at a dentist. I apparently had a very rare problem and even the oldest doctor only had seen this two times in his life. For the next few sessions, all other doctors were called in and he showed them it."
"I was fine with it, but it was an odd situation sitting on the dentist's chair while four doctors and a few nurses were around you and looked very interested in what would happen next."
"So I was the real-life example for a textbook lecture."
- memesforbismarck
Not Answering the Same Question
"A nurse of some kind took my blood pressure. He said what the numbers were."
"I asked, 'Is that good?'"
"He said, 'I’m not qualified to give you a professional opinion on the matter. You should ask your doctor.'"
"I asked, 'But like, unprofessionally, is that good?'"
"He said, 'Unprofessionally? Well, in my purely personal opinion that I am sharing with you as an individual and not in any medical or official capacity whatsoever, you should buy stronger deodorant.'"
"For clarity, I was definitely stinky, I was homeless at the time. I was well aware of this fact. If you’re worried you’re a little funky, don’t. You would almost assuredly notice if you smelled really bad."
- InABoxOfEmptyShells
Already an Awkward Enough Situation
"'You just hang on right there; we will get you a wheelchair and admitted to the hospital. We have to do a colonoscopy, but don’t worry, I will knock you out before sticking a camera up your a**.'"
- MacDugin
"My GI (Gastroenterologist) doctor was named (no lie) Dr. Stiff. After my last colonoscopy, he told me in the recovery room: 'Well, that’s the last time you’re getting Stiffed. I’m retiring at the end of the year.'"
- mum2girls
"I appreciate people who turn their names into verbs."
- Nike-6
Pregnancy Talk
"I told an OB-GYN during an exam that my husband and I had just started trying to get pregnant, and she said, 'Are you tracking your cycle or just f**king all time?'"
"Hearing that come out of a small elderly woman was freaking hilarious! She was close to retirement and had zero filter, and now I miss her!"
- WiscoCheeses
"My OB-GYN told me that I had a wonderful uterus, just after he commented how cute my socks were."
- sarcastic_whatever
Awkward...
"'My son is about your age and single, do you want his number?'"
"This was said by my Gynecologist..."
- My_dal
Oh No, Not Like That
"My previous OB-GYN came through my line at my old job. For some reason, I blanked on who he was. Like, I knew I knew him, but for the life of me, I couldn't remember how."
"He saw I was struggling and said, 'Don't remember me? I'll give you a hint: last time I saw you, you were in my office with your ankles in the air!'"
"He said this loudly, in front of a line of little old ladies fresh from church, wanting to buy flowers from the garden center."
"He was an amazing doctor and figured out what was wrong with me when no other doctor could, but in that moment, the embarrassment could have killed me lol (laughing out loud)."
- Marauder424
"Being a knowledgeable, and even brilliant, doctor and being completely socially inept often go hand in hand."
- OpalRose1993
The Silver Lining
"I had a doctor tell me that my metabolism is so slow that I would do very well in an apocalypse."
- Rosemary324
"My doctor told me this when he noticed my chronic low body temperature and asked me other questions about weight gain and pooping frequency."
"He said, 'Some people are just built to hibernate. You're just, like, hibernating all the time.'"
"This was in the same conversation where he diagnosed me with a sleep disorder too. I can't even hibernate properly."
- wheatgrass_feetgrass
Such a Cool Moment
"I was getting my blood drawn for a mono test back around 2006. The older lady nurse asked me what sort of music I liked."
"I figured she was making small talk to get my mind off the needles, so I rattled off a few bands I’d been listening to."
"One of them happens to be Postal Service. She said, 'Oh, I know that one!'"
"I replied, 'Yeah, it’s the same lead singer as Death Cab for Cutie.'"
"She said, 'I know. He’s my son.'"
- piconese
"'Such Great Heights' is one of my top 10 favorite songs of all time. How cool."
- subieluvr22
"Yeah, I still love Postal Service. She was very nice, and I said something along the lines of, 'You must be so proud!'"
"I just really hope I meet Ben Gibbard someday so I can tell him that his mom took my blood, lol (laughing out loud)."
- piconese
Only in Ireland
"I live in Ireland, the surgeon who replaced my hip is also a farmer."
"The day before I was due to be discharged, he came in on his rounds, and he said, 'I may or may not see you tomorrow, it depends on the dog.'"
"So I said, 'Okay, what’s up with the dog?'"
"He told me the dog broke his leg and was having it set tomorrow, but he wasn’t sure what time, so I said, 'Sure, bring in the old dog, and I’ll mind him' (this is rural Ireland bear in mind and I was in the convalescent area of the hospital by then)."
"Shortly after breakfast the next day, he arrived in with the dog, a lovely border collie with his leg in plaster. He stayed with me watching TV until he doctor was finished replacing another person's hip and was ready to discharge me and we could all go home."
"It could only happen in Ireland."
- Rosieapples
From funny to wildly awkward, most of these comments were at least funny enough that someone could share them at a gathering for a good laugh from the crowd.
A few were alarming, however, and definite reasons for people to want to switch doctors.
Going to the doctor or dentist is one of those maintenance tasks that we all have do but which some people are incredibly uncomfortable with.
In an effort to make the experience go more smoothly, some patients will lie about their healthy habits or positive oral care.
But it's more obvious to doctors and dentists that their patient is lying than it might seem.
Redditor KyeLindsay asked:
"Surgeons and Doctors of Reddit, what's the dumbest thing your patients have lied about?"
Self-Sabotage at Its Finest
"A guy comes in, between 17-19 years old for 'pebble hits penis.' Pretty odd. He says he was doing yard work when the tool knocked a Pebble into his penis, he went to check it, and now it was making pus."
"The nurse clarified that he was wearing pants. Denies sexual history. He stands by that he got hit on his penis by a rock through his pants which made him produce pus. He had chlamydia."
"Another guy says he was forced to do meth (or something similar) at a store. Came in because he thought he was dying."
"A fun bonus: a frequent flier comes in for 'his stomach hurting from eating this chili he had' while continuing to eat said chili in the lobby."
- Malice1543
"Oh, that!"
"Woman comes to the emergency room with complaints of vaginal discharge and discomfort. A pelvic exam initially reveals a significant yeast infection, but there appears to be a foreign body in her vagina."
"'Is there something stuck inside?'"
"'No, I don’t know what’s in there…'"
"A speculum examination reveals a very soft mandarin orange, peel still on."
"'Oh, that! We heard it would improve our fertility…'"
"You can’t make this s**t up."
- Drilmagus
The Classic, "No, I Mean Yes."
"'Do you have any medical problems?'"
"'No.'"
"'So no diabetes?'"
"'No diabetes.'"
"'What medications are you taking?'"
"'Metformin. For my diabetes.'"
"I facepalm every time."
- Retinator99
Oh, How Did That Get In There...
"Guy came in for a wound on his lower leg that he said came from a biking accident."
"An X-ray revealed a bullet inside his ankle joint. The wound was from shooting himself by accident while holding a gun. Still don’t know how he didn’t fracture anything."
- Cybariss
But It's Corn!
"Part of my job is dealing with medical records. My favorite part is when you are reading the doctor's notes and you can tell they are fed up with the patient's bulls**t from their tone."
"Like this: 'Patient in for a routine colonoscopy, asked if solids consumed in 24 hours prior, patient confirms no. In the process of the procedure, several dozen kernels of corn are discovered in the colon and cannot continue. Patient specifically instructed not to consume corn beforehand as this happened prior to visit.'"
- YourStolenCharizard
Plot Holes Everywhere
"One dude lied about being paralyzed after a lumbar puncture. I get a call from a nurse that the patient says he can’t move his legs following a lumbar puncture (spinal tap)."
"I called the team that did the procedure and they assured me there was no indication of this sort of injury happening during the procedure but agreed with my plan to get an urgent MRI."
"I go to examine him and the nurse says she thinks he moved one of his feet. Next thing I know he says he can actually move his legs again but they are feeling weird."
"Then this weird feeling turns into intense pain and he asks for intravenous narcotics (Dilaudid). I tell him no because this story makes no sense."
"By god, it was a miracle I tell you when this man walked himself right out of the hospital after I refused the IV narcotics."
"Also, the MRI was normal."
- materiamasta
Absolutely No Alcohol
"Patient: 'I haven’t drunk alcohol in months!'"
"Patient's family: 'It’s true, I’ve been with her the whole time.'"
"Me: 'Ma’am, your alcohol level is 325.'"
"Patient: 'Impossible! I would never lie to you!'"
- jorgeojungle
Against Medical Advice
"One of my favorite things I wrote my first year out of medical school:"
"'Please note patient has stated multiple times that he wants to leave and would leave AMA (against medical advice). He asked multiple times whether he could eat and stated he is hungry. Explained to the patient that we would like to start a full liquid diet first and if he tolerated it well, would transition to regular foods.'"
"'However, the patient ordered Chinese food delivery instead. Then, the patient was complaining of a headache. Was given Tylenol for the headache. The patient stated that this did not help him.'"
"'His sister at bedside went to the nearby pharmacy and bought Goody powder (aspirin). Sister did ask whether she could give him Goody powder. She was told not to give the patient the Goody powder. She supposedly did not.'”
"For context, the patient had a catastrophic GI bleed from taking too much aspirin."
- grantcapps
Quitting or Taking a Break
"'Do you smoke cigarettes?'"
"'No, I quit!'"
"'When did you quit?'"
"'This morning.'"
- BagelAmpersantLox
Just a Little Secret
"I had a lady tell me she had no idea how she got a rash she had on her face. I left the room, gave a report to the MD, and when I walked back in with the doctor, she looked at me and said, 'I didn’t think you’d be coming back in the room.'"
"She then proceeded to confess that she’d been cheating on her husband and thought she had herpes. She did not have herpes."
- Physical_Witness_922
History of Smoking
"A common one is about their smoking. Smoking is an enormous risk factor for fracture nonunion, meaning a fracture that doesn’t heal."
"When I walk into a nonunion patient’s exam room and it smells like a cigar den, I know they smoke."
"But they’ll tell me they don’t right to my face. Before signing them up for revision surgery, I’ll commonly order a urine test for nicotine metabolites. Often it’ll turn out positive and suddenly they have a Surprised Pikachu Face."
- Anthrotekkk
Who's This?
"Their identity. Insurance fraud using a friend's and relative's insurance card. As a resident in a very large east coast hospital, I was tasked to figure things out when the blood bank called and said their blood type changed."
"When confronted with getting the wrong blood that may kill them, they almost always tell the truth. This type of fraud has also resulted in people who have been dead (and autopsied) raising from the dead and 'appearing' in a clinic or ER."
- liberty4u2
Dentures Have Entered the Chat
"My dad neglected to mention he had no teeth... since 1976. We found out in the ICU. In 2022."
- mommagolly
"Wait... did he wear dentures, or did you just not notice that he didn't have any teeth?"
- GhostemaneBlackMage
"Maybe he had a comically large mustache."
- awksaw
"Actually, HE DOES. But he also never mentioned having dentures!"
- mommagolly
Most Recent Snacks
"Medical school student. Not a big deal but a patient lied to me about what she had eaten."
"She was obviously having some problem with her gallbladder. Typically this pain can be caused by greasy food."
"So I asked the patient what she had eaten before she got this pain. The patient said she only ate a salad with very little ranch, that’s it."
"I even explained how greasy food can cause this pain but she’s adamant she only ate a salad."
"Anyways, I report back to my attending and we see her together. The attending asked her what she ate."
"The patient said salad then adds she also ate a burger! It wouldn’t have changed the plan but why lie??"
- fireandblood03
Doctors are always full of interesting medical stories, but the ways in which patients lie is especially fascinating.
If a person is pursuing medical treatment, wouldn't they want to give the information that would help the doctor most accurately treat them?