Redditor cigarandcreamsoda wanted to discuss house rules. So they asked:
"What is a non-negotiable rule in your house for everyone?"
Rule #1 in my home... you MUST be able to listen to Adele.
That is all.
Clear the Way
GIF by America's Funniest Home VideosGiphy"Don't put stuff on the stairs. Almost died once. Never again!"
kaidomac
"Same with the burners on the stove when not cooking. Too many grown adults were slapping flammable things on it like it was a coffee table."
ki113r116
Shame
"The one rule in my dad’s house is one that he won’t tell you: don’t poop in the upstairs bathroom. The shame of having to ask him for a plunger is just not worth it."
goshpenny
That’s us with the downstairs bathroom. My parents only replaced the one upstairs when they bought the house. The one downstairs is old af and cheap as hell so it’s not gonna flush your logs. My cousin found out the hard way once and flooded the bathroom in the middle of the night."
Kyubey4Ever
Stay Empty
"One side of the kitchen sink stays empty! We have one of those two-basin stainless sinks and it drives me absolutely bonkers when I have to remove and stack dishes just to get water to make coffee in the morning."
Rokhnal
"I grew up with an empty sink and one side of the counter was where dirty dishes got stacked. My wife declared this abnormal and that dirty dishes had to live in the (one-hole) sink."
eljefino
"My roommates are constantly amazed at how little space dirty dishes take up on the counter when they're rinsed and stacked properly."
RokhnalPrivacy
"Knock first! Bathroom, bedroom or study room. Knocking is a slowly forgotten art of respect."
karmawhobiiih
"Totally. We don't lock any inside doors (in case something happens to you and someone needs to get in for help), so we enforce the knock and wait for the ok to enter. We do it when we want to go into my son's room too. He deserves privacy and respect like us as his parents do."
ginan385
Be Gracious
The Loud House Food GIF by NickelodeonGiphy"Help cleaning up the dishes after a meal is graciously appreciated. But, don’t even think about putting my knives or pans in the dishwasher. I will happily hand wash them myself."
PeachPreserves66
Don't be lazy. Clean a DISH!
No Feed
lunch dog cooking GIFGiphy"Don’t feed my dogs, anything. I don’t care how cute they are looking at you."
stickystarz
"fish, fish"
"Don't tap on the aquarium glass."
Kangaroodle
"I had a big aquarium and I actually trained my fish to all congregate at one spot by tapping on an area when it was feeding time and saying 'fish, fish.' Now whenever I need them to be in a particular spot I just tap to wherever I want them to be and because they associate tapping with treats or feeding time, they don't find it scary or stressful. Visitors also love to see me call my fish over by simply tapping and/or saying 'fish, fish.'"
Creative_Recover
Clothes On!
"Minimum pants (underwear) at the dinner table. Remarkably something you have to enforce quite often with small children."
Capable-Dream6768
"My nephews, were they were little, would let you know they were done eating by stripping right there at the table lol. No warnings. That was their way to let us know they were ready for a bath lol."
jdbrizzi91
Pranks
"Don't f**k around with someone when they are asleep. If someone is asleep, they're off limits, no messing with/pranks and no waking up without good reason. It wasn't until talking to my friends who had siblings who would pile things on them, move the bed, wake them up in the middle of the night (just general sibling hijinks) And realized how important the 'leave sleeping family members alone' was in our house growing up."
Yaboijustlikesgoats
Be CLEAN!
Disagree Clean It Up GIF by NOW WE'RE TALKING TV SERIESGiphy"If you pee on the toilet seat clean it up!!!
"I am a single parent with 2 boys, I know I'm not the one peeing on the toilet seat but apparently they don't either."
Southern_Anything_39
Your house, your rules! The end!
What are some rules you grew up with or enforce in your home or apartment today? Let us know in the comments.
Redditor Personthing23 asked everyone to share stories about times at work we still see in nightmares.
"What is your most disgusting work story?"
I have stories about blood, bile, and poop. Let's see what Reddit had to share!
At OfficeMax
Work Office GIF by BayWa AGGiphy"Probably gonna pale in comparison to some peoples stories, but one time when I was working at OfficeMax we checked the bathroom at the end of the day and there was just this absolutely gigantic poop clogging the toilet."
"No toilet paper, nothing else. Just this almost football sized poop vastly bigger than the hole for it to go down."
"All of us were just in absolute awe and disgust trying to figure out how someone could leave a crap that large. Also… who was gonna take care of it?"
"We all kept saying we didn’t want to deal with it, then this German guy who recently moved to America just came in with gloves and a plastic stick and just started grinding that crap up. I forget his name, but he had more balls than the rest of us. Very nice dude on top of that."
porridge_in_my_bum
The 3...
"I found 3 dead bodies at the job I worked after college. The first two were shocking but not surprising. They were old and as they were in a halfway home situation they had had rough lives. One died of heart failure and the other of respiratory arrest. Both messed me up for a couple days. The 3rd one still gives me nightmares. She had been dead in an unairconditioned room for three days."
"The post mortem contractions curled her into a ball (with her face pointed at the door so when I opened it she was staring at me with no eyes in her sockets) and she had begun to digest herself causing a black goo that went through the bed, box spring, and bed frame to make a puddle that ran up to the door. I quit that job about 6 weeks later. That was 20 years ago. Still see her in my nightmares sometimes."
"Edit: A lot of people have asked how she went three days without being checked on. So the facility I worked for was more like an apartment complex with mental health amenities. Like a halfway house. We made sure the grounds were clean and safe and the gates were locked and there were no drugs etc."
"There were also case managers on site at all times during the day. They provided the mental support. But there were some people who were taking their meds, and just living their lives. There were a few people I never had much interaction with because their work schedules were the same as mine."
Spodson
My heart dropped...
"I worked at a liquor store/gas station/deli combined. One night, the store was empty and a woman came in to just use the restroom - totally fine. 20 mins goes by and my co workers says, hey she hasn’t come out of there yet. 5 more minutes go by and she does emerge from the bathroom, but she’s walking out of the store smelling her hands like just double fisties to face and deep whiffing those bad boys and LOVING IT... my heart dropped."
"That woman went in and closed the toilet lid and sat on the upper deck (not open as well) and blasted diarrhea down the whole toilet. It looked like she clawed through her feces and then flung it into the sink, and didn’t wash her hands. Then she flushed her flag-sized undies down the toilet (or tried) and broke the pipes. I drew a freaking picture of her and hung it up that said ‘wanted: the serial pooper."
S**tstompd
Not just pee...
"Tattooed a lady. Small hummingbird on the shoulder. Finish up. 'Go check it out, let me know if you want to keep it!' (Haw haw) 'Oh thank you it looks gr-' (passes out, I catch her and lower her gently to the floor while I begin ensuring she isn’t seizing, asking coworker to grab a popsicle, etc) She pees herself in the few seconds this is occurring in. Husband comes into booth to check on her, slips in pee, falls down."
"I’m struggling to keep it together so nobody feels embarrassed. She comes to after a second. Stands up. Not just pee. S**t up her back and smeared into floor/bottom trim on the walls. Nobody says anything, they wrap her in husbands flannel, they pay and leave, I clean it up."
"Another possible candidate is the time I went to adjust an older style fan with a basically decorate shield, my hand slipped into the blades and splattered blood all over an older woman getting her first tattoo after like three lines were in. I had to go get stitches, she left. Never finished that tattoo."
Tsundoku_tt
MOOO AWAY!
Best Friends Dancing GIF by Art UKGiphy"I bent over to pick up a tool I dropped and a cow pooped in my but crack."
Bonhomme7h
Why is poop everywhere?!
wash/bleach
Keeping Up With The Kardashians Fight GIF by E!Giphy"I worked as a corrections officer in a maximum security prison. The first week I worked there an inmate collected and spread his poop all over the walls. It was in the air vent and everything. It is a health hazard so we had to clean it up. Me, being the new guy, was volunteered I would have to do it. I had to pressure wash/bleach and scrub the do-do."
Evilknarvel
'What? There? I don't see anything.'
"If I ever see that my old chef is working at a restaurant I'm eating at, I will walk out. I once told him that a big pot of stew that had been left in the fridge had some mould floating on the top. He got a spoon, started stirring it up saying, 'I can't see any mould.' No, because you just stirred it into the mix you a**ehole."
"Another time, I noticed a maggot crawling on a large chunk of chocolate. I pointed it out to him and he, I kid you not, squashed it with his finger under the guise of pointing to the area, and said, 'What? There? I don't see anything.' Then wiped off the remains as he removed his finger."
"Another time, he sliced cooked ham on the opposite side to a board that also contained raw chicken. Another time, a customer complained the fish was off. He actually tried to justify it by saying that fish was better if it had been hanging around for a while."
j-c-s-roberts
Haunted
"My first cockroach job as a pest control technician (exterminator) was one of the worse I’ve ever seen. My seasoned coworker pointed out that when people have severe roach problems, they tend to not have any hair on their face (no eyebrows/eyelashes/etc). When I went back, I noticed not a single family member had any kind of facial hair. Even the toddler had no eyelashes. Definitely still haunts me."
picklepotty121
In the Fire
"My grandfather was a fireman and they, along with police, and paramedics were called to a home of a lady who was severely obese, who couldn't fit through the door. The roof of the house had to be cut out and a crane had to lower a chain and whatever they managed to use as a stretcher to get her out."
"She couldn't even fit in the ambulance. She had mice living in her rolls of fat, with holes and infection all over her body from the mice. That doesn't include her other health problems."
theequeenbee3
Bad Rice
michel gondry lunch GIFGiphy"I used to be the front-end manager at a supermarket. One night I had to head back to the deli for some reason."
"As I made my way through the kitchen there was a bucket of rice on the floor that they used to make the rice dishes we served at the deli counter. To my surprise, two rats about the size of my hand jumped out of the rice and scurried under the oven."
"I told the deli manager the next day and he just brushed it off. Said he was aware of the issue. I'm 99 percent sure they still used that rice."
BearJewKnowsBest
I need to lie down. Thank God I work from home now.
"What's the best joke you know?"
Car Humor
"A lot of people tell me I’ve got an addiction to brake fluid, truth is I can stop at any time."- SweetAndSourSymphony
Wait For It...
"This reminds me of the man who was driving down the road and his car breaks down near a monastery."
"He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, 'My car broke down."
"'Do you think I could stay the night?'"
"The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, and even fix his car'."
"As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound."
"A sound unlike anything he's ever heard before."
"The Sirens that nearly seduced Odysseus into crashing his ship comes to his mind."
"He doesn't sleep that night; he tosses and turns trying to figure out what could possibly be making such a seductive sound."
"The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, 'We can't tell you'."
"You're not a monk'."
"Distraught, the man is forced to leave."
"Years later, after never being able to forget that sound, the man goes back to the monastery and pleads for the answer again."
"The monks reply, 'We can't tell you'."
"'You're not a monk'.”
"The man says, 'If the only way I can find out what is making that beautiful sound is to become a monk, then please, make me a monk'."
"The monks reply, 'You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of grains of sand'."
"When you find these answers, you will have become a monk'."
"The man sets about his task."
"After years of searching he returns as a gray-haired old man and knocks on the door of the monastery."
"A monk answers."
"He is taken before a gathering of all the monks."
"'In my quest to find what makes that beautiful sound, I traveled the earth and have found what you asked for'."
"By design, the world is in a state of perpetual change."
"Only God knows what you ask."
"All a man can know is himself, and only then if he is honest and reflective and willing to strip away self deception."
"The monks reply, 'Congratulations'."
"'You have become a monk'."
"'We shall now show you the way to the mystery of the sacred sound.'"
"The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, 'The sound is beyond that door'."
"The monks give him the key, and he opens the door."
"Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone."
"The man is given the key to the stone door and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby."
"And so it went that he needed keys to doors of emerald, pearl and diamond."
"Finally, they come to a door made of solid gold."
"The sound has become very clear and definite. "
"The monks say, 'This is the last key to the last door'."
"The man is apprehensive; his life's wish is behind that door! "
"With trembling hands, he unlocks the door, turns the knob, and slowly pushes the door open."
"Falling to his knees, he is utterly amazed to discover the source of that haunting and seductive sound......"
"But, of course, I can't tell you what it is because you're not a monk."- 2TicketsToFlavorTown
Are You Kidding Me Alyssa Edwards GIF by NETFLIXGiphyBoat Humor
"Why do SCUBA divers fall out of the boat backwards?"
"Because if they fell forwards they'd still be in the boat."- hoooligans
Super Funny
"Two men are sitting drinking at a bar at the top of the Empire State Building, when the first man turns to the other and says 'you know, last week, I discovered that if you jump from the top of this building, the winds around the building are so intense that by the time you fall to the 10th floor, they carry you around the building and back into a window'."
"The bartender just shakes his head in disapproval while wiping the bar."
"The second guy says, 'What, are you nuts?'"
"'There's no way that could happen'."
"'No, it's true'," the first man says."
"'Let me prove it to you'."
"He gets up from the bar, jumps over the balcony, and plummets toward the street below."
"As he nears the 10th floor, the high winds whip him around the building and back into the 10th floor window and he takes the elevator back up to the bar."
"He meets the second man, who looks quite astonished."
"'You know, I saw that with my own eyes, but that must have been a one time fluke'."
"'No, I'll prove it again,'" says the first man as he jumps again'."
"Just as he is hurtling toward the street, the 10th floor wind gently carries him around the building and into the window."
"Once upstairs he urges his fellow drinker to try it."
"'Well, why not', the second guy says, 'It works'."
"'I'll try it'."
"He jumps over the balcony, plunges downward passes the 11th, 10th 9th, 8th, floors, and hits the sidewalk with a SPLAT."
"Back upstairs the bartender turns to the other drinker and says, 'You know Superman, you're a real jerk when you're drunk'."
Man Of Steel Ok GIFGiphyOops!
"What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?"
"The taste."- vietbond
Um...
"Why don't you ever see elephants hiding in trees?"
"Because they're really good at it."
Nick Offerman Thumbs Down GIF by NBCGiphyWhat time is it after you're done reading these jokes?
It might not be time to laugh, because some of these jokes are NOT funny.
Only kidding...
I'm best when I'm at my laziest. Ok, that's a lie, but I don't care.
Zzzz...
Donald Duck Sleeping GIFGiphy"On weekends I sleep for 12-14 hours. I usually wake up a few times but I dream so much during those long sleeps that it’s basically become a recreation type thing and I love it."
HouseOfZenith
Warm it up...
"When I use the microwave, I’ll heat food for 1:11 or 2:22 because I can’t be bothered to move my lazy fingers."
fysicks
"I figured out that my microwave's turntable rotates once every 12 seconds. So, everything I cook is on a multiple of 12 seconds so that it always ends up at the front of the microwave when it's done cooking, and I don't have to reach all the way to the back of the microwave to get my food out."
unittwentyfive
Bang
"When I was a kid on a school day, I had this routine where I'd stick my legs out of the bed and bang around on the floor so it sounded like I got out of bed and then just lie there for a few more minutes."
bewarethechameleon
"Did you also get your toothbrush wet and squirt a wee bit of toothpaste in your mouth rather than actually brush your teeth? If so I may be your mom and you weren’t fooling me or the dentist and you sure weren’t fooling the plaque that attacked."
TigerLily98226
Pockets
"Whenever I clean the house I put on my housecoat with really big pockets. I just walk from room to room and put things in my pocket that don’t belong in that room. Once my pockets are full I go to each room and empty my pockets putting what is from each room in that room."
kindhearttbc
"That's not lazy... that's productive AF."
throwaway92715
Toss It
Pippi Longstocking Chaos GIF by ZDFGiphy"I don’t fold the fitted sheet. Just ball it up and place it in the closet."
SpaghettiSquash33
I just see people human. Don't he so hard on yourselves.
12 Hours
Tired Fight Club GIFGiphy"I once watched 12 hours of the golf Network because the batteries were dead in my remote control. I don't know if that's lazy or depressed."
sadbirdfox
I swear I was...
"I was taught to make a bed properly as a child, I swear I was. Hospital corners and everything. I even know how to fold a fitted sheet, thanks to my auntie, who's an Air Force nurse and therefore doesn't consider little problems like 'non-Euclidean geometry' to be a reason not to do it properly. The second I found out about duvet covers, that was over. Sure, it doesn't look as tidy, but five minutes a week plus 10 seconds in the morning instead of 10 minutes a day? I can live with that."
katie-kaboom
The System
"I don't fold laundry anymore. I have a system of laundry baskets like this where clothes gets sorted by type (pants, t-shirts, sweaters, etc). Most of my clothes is wrinkle free, and for the few pieces that aren't I just throw them on a hanger in the bathroom while I take a steamy shower."
User deleted
Genius!!
"Before I get out of bed in the morning, I will grab the top corners of my sheets with my hands and prop up the bottom two with my feet and move it into place. Then I slide out of bed without ruffling anything. Just like that, my bed is made."
Markymark142
"My sister has to do this before she goes to bed at night, even is she made the bed that morning. It's an odd little quirk and mostly harmless."
mel2mdl
Yummy
andrew huang pots GIF by SoundflyGiphy"Just eating food straight out of the pan."
refrshmts_N_narcotcs
None of that sounds so bad. That sounds... like my life. Don't judge!!
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Y'all nasty.
Don't believe me? Just keep reading. (and yes, established readers, I *am* going to keep writing articles about it. Go clean something!)
Reddit user "Foxmachine" asked:
What common household item is rarely if ever cleaned, although it should be?
Remember that I tried to warn you. There's just ... so much dirt and grime and gross.
Because Of Maggots
load dishwasher GIF by bekoGiphy"The dishwasher."
"Clean the filter, and clean the spray arms regularly." - rubaduck
"Once a month it gets the full treatment in our house. Family members are plumbers."
"Fun fact: most dishwasher pumps fail because of maggots. Clean your f*cking catcher and rinse off the chunks, people."
"Maggot eggs are eeeeverywheeeerre. You can also get mold mites, drain flies, cockroaches… it's a humid, dark environment with food scraps." - Taleya
"Hire somebody to do it the first time, because you do not want to know about the maggots." - ProudHedgehog6767
Slow Clap For This Pun
Super Troopers Good Job GIF by Searchlight PicturesGiphy"The bottom of my toaster is a graveyard of charcoal crumbs." - CubaGoodingIII
"More than just a graveyard, it's a catacrumbs in there." - superokaycatdad
"Can't decide if I'm angry with you or proud." - Eveystuff
Pets Deserve Clean, Too
Giphy"I used to work at a dog boarding facility and I could not believe the state of some of the food bowls people would bring in with their dog. Disgusting." - TheHowlingWool
"Agreed. My 2 cats have several bowls between them, and every meal is a fresh bowl."
"Growing up we never washed our pet's bowls. It just wasn't something the parents said needed to be done."
"I can't imagine making them eat off manky bowls now." - LtnSkyRockets
"I feel guilty that I used to never wash my cats' food bowls. Now I wash before every meal. My precious cats. The only real companions I've got." - MoxEmerald
Not Just The Cases
pillow GIFGiphy"Actual pillows, not just pillow cases. You can wash pillows in a washing machine. The amount of dirt that comes out is horrendous." - JadenGlow
"You absolutely can machine wash them, but in my opinion you will LOVE the results of washing them in the bath tub with scalding hot water, a ton of oxyclean, and let them soak for a few hours."
"It really gets in there."
"Then pop them in the washing machine to spin the water out. Just did this recently with our couch covers as well... It was fantastic" - PlopPlopPlopsy
The Water Is Always Brown
Drinking Coffee GIF by 60 Second DocsGiphy"SOFA! Maybe because it's so hard to clean?"
"Seriously, deep clean your sofa. It's really gross, it's covered in dirt from the years." - thitgahamtonghop
"I shampoo mine about once a month. The water is always brown. I can't imagine it after years." - Gingerbrew302
"Man, the spots between the seats are so full of crap and dirt, it should get power washed." - Nilyosh
If These Walls Could Talk (They'd Ask To Be Washed)
Khloe Kardashian Fight GIF by Comments By CelebsGiphy"Walls. I went around my place last winter after I lost my job and started washing all my walls. My family was telling me it looked like I painted them." - Smil3yAngel
"I have a steam mop that has a handle that detaches so it's like a wand."
"I steam cleaned my bathroom walls because the previous tenant was a smoker and had that nasty yellow residue on the walls. Biggest pain project, but totally worth it."
"Cleaning my other walls is on my to-do list." - Spitfire07
People Share Dark Secrets From Their Profession The Public Doesn't Know | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
Opening A Can Of Yuck
force GIFGiphy"Can opener. Look at yours and despair." - IAmEggnostic
"I literally never even thought of washing one until I moved in with my wife. Blew my mind when she threw it in the dishwasher" - 1seacow
The Swab Experiment Revealed
Mix Lab GIF by BrownSugarAppGiphy"There was a swab experiment done in a kitchen and the coffee maker water reservoir had the most bacteria (more than the toilet, vom) Dark, wet and warm. The perfect breeding ground for germs." - ellenmc
"Depends on the type I suppose. An Aeropress or a simple filter holder gets rinsed after every use anyways, but that office style fully automatic big machine definitely needs some taking apart and washing out every month or two."
"I have one of those big Siemens EQ6 machines at home, and last year completely disassembled everything and washed it. The amount of stray coffee grinds in the mechanisms and other funky weirdness was unbelievable."
"Even found some mold in the far off corners." - friftar
Down Under
skill cooking GIFGiphy"In your kitchen: The underside of your cabinets (as well as the top of them if you can)."
"All of the food you cook, saute, etc. sends tiny particulates of oil and other parts of your meal into the air. It settles on all surfaces, but you clean most of them regularly."
"The top of your cabinets is usually ignored, but it can develop quite the gunky buildup if you don't do a fairly regular cleaning. Say, once a month or so."
"The underside of cabinets – especially near your cook surface – should be cleaned every week or so. That oil and muck will eventually start to dry and cake on, attracting bugs and rodents and emitting a not-so-fresh smell."
"Get a good degreaser cleaner and give those surfaces a thorough cleaning." - ilikemrrogers
A Mini Time Bomb
dancers laundry GIFGiphy"Your dryer, it's a mini time bomb waiting for a stray spark to burn your house down. Clean it thoroughly every few months and make sure you get the lint hoses serviced as well." - zerbey
"Funny how after I cleaned out the duct, my husband didn't have to do loads twice through to dry all the way...clean your Ducts!" - PsychologicalNews573
Computer Love
Mad The Internet GIF by MOODMANGiphy"Computer. Intake vents and all over the inside. Unplug it and very gently vacuum. Use snaked bristle brush if you have one or crevice tool. Gently!!!" - Spute2008
"My mouse is clean as it's easy to swab with a qtip… my keyboard… my keyboard is one with the dirt. You can run it through the dishwasher and still have hair stuck."
"I'm honestly not even exaggerating. I've had the same mechanical keyboard for 8 or 9 years and ran it through the dishwasher multiple times, but it's impossible to get completely clean." - ApprehensiveAd3778
This Kitchen Calamity
Animated GIFGiphy"kitchen ventilator" - PhilyVargas
"Kitchen suction hoods. I heard that most fires at homes occur because of fat in suction hoods catches fire" - hetgepeperte
Not So Clean
Giphy"The track the wheels of you shower door run in (assuming you have a door not a curtain) people will clean the glass but never think to do that little track but at the bottom and it can be super gross" - KingBenjamin97
"I Use This Weekly"
japan rice GIFGiphy"This is funny. I just noticed yesterday that I rarely clean the inside-top of my rice cooker. Cleaned it last night and was like 'I use this weekly and have never wiped this part down.' Made me feel gross but yea" - AljamimaSyrup
Now go clean!