Parents are meant to teach offspring how to survive in this world.
They're meant to guide us on how to be a good member of society.
But either some parents fail, or too many adults don't get the message.
And all that can lead to a mighty dysfunctional adult.
Redditor spirallinggg wanted to hear about the ways we can decipher if others have bad parenting, so they asked:
"What immediately tells you that a person wasn't raised right?"
Basic human decency is a sign of a good upbringing.
Garbage
"They throw trash out a car window."
shershae
"I live on a busy road and I’m so sick of people throwing their trash in front of my house. Some guy tosses out a tall boy beer nearly every workday. I can’t wait to move. Also- so many cigarette butts! We live in a high fire hazard area so I’m worried one of these days they’ll start a fire. I try to go pick up litter twice a month."
Pinkmongoose
Random Aisles
"People who dump refrigerated grocery products on random aisles."
glockops
"I work in a grocery store. The best one I saw was someone who ordered a hot pizza from our pizza station, which is made-to-order. Then abandoned it in the cooler with the refrigerated take-and-bake pizzas we have."
"I get finding stuff from our service case abandoned, it's already cold and our prices are much higher than some people think (the last abandoned item I found was a $20 container of our fresh fruit salad [which comes in pre-cut]), but the pizza station has set menu prices, they should have known what they were getting into before they ordered."
weedtrek
Be Responsible
"Lack of personal accountability. they can never admit wrongdoing on their part. it's always someone else's fault."
Sona-kin
I always told my kids that a mistake doesn't define who you are... but what you do AFTER the mistake DOES. We're human. We're gonna screw up throughout our lives. It's unavoidable. What we can control, however, is choosing to apologize, fix the situation, make amends, etc."
nakedwithoutmyhoodie
Rude
Mean Girls Gossip GIF by Paramount MoviesGiphy"When they talk badly about someone who hasn’t done anything wrong behind their back."
flowerzforthedead
THIS. I've seen coworkers talking behind the backs of new employees and drawing conclusions about every aspect of their lives. Like, you've seen that person for three days, you MF.
Cold-Load-4388
If you can't say it to their face, then don't say it.
Why do people have to crap talk?
Check Please
Escalate Customer Service GIF by FILMRISEGiphy"Being super rude to people in any service profession. There is a time and place for actual, appropriate complaints but I see people constantly abuse service staff for no damn reason. Hell, even using 'please' and 'thank you' seems beyond some people. Bums me out."
CaptainLawyerDude
Others
"Lack of consideration for others."
NewVAinvestor1
"A lot of people do not fundamentally understand other people exist. They understand things exist. They understand those things should be referred to as people. But they do not understand those things have an entire existence and experience all their own exactly like them."
Sh3lls
No!
"When they can't take no for an answer."
NerdyPlaneResident
"I'm going to step up and admit to being guilty of this. For the longest time, I had it in my head that persistence pays off. Some of that was pop culture, some of that was tenacity in other areas of my life being rewarded, and then applying that to interpersonal relationships. Older and wiser me, though is more along the lines of learning to let go. It's still a struggle though, working against that original conditioning."
SergeantPsycho
Professions
"When someone looks down at others based on what they do. That just clearly shows that they've learned the same thing from their caregivers."
Leekayleigh_
"Oh yes. My husband took on a second job doing pizza deliveries. A few people laughed at him doing that at his age. They don't laugh when he explains his main job is simple and, deliveries are just driving blasting tunes and adds $900 a month after tax to our income. Then they see all the travel. Usually shuts them up."
CurvePuzzleheaded361
Offensive
For Real Wow GIF by DeStormGiphy"Zero manners."'
Fuzzteam7
"I took a guy to a family beach condo because he says he never goes to the beach. Let him tag along with our group. Never said thank you one time. I dropped him back off at his house, and I said can you at least say thanks, he was so offended I asked or was trying to force a thank you."
berrey7
"BUT"
"When someone apologizes, and then adds a but onto it. For example, my boss held a meeting among the kitchen staff where he apologized for his attitude, and then added 'But you guys need to understand that I'm a no-bulls**t kind of person.' No sir, that's not how apologies work."
GimmickInfringement1
I hate a BUT.
Either you mean what you offer or don't say it.
Easily flying into a rage is an issue for anyone. But when you're a parent, you have to be accountable. You can't scream and yell just because.
Mistakes
Sorry Aplogizing GIF by Luke CosgroveGiphy"Not apologizing for their mistakes and acting like nothing happened."
joonchild_O
Raised Voices
"Here's one I'm working on: making every correction an annoyed, angry one. When I was a kid my dad would see me doing something I shouldn't and freak the f**k out yelling and screaming most of the time. It was very jarring and scary. I've caught myself doing that to mine so I'm working really hard on appropriate responses to correcting her. If she's doing something wrong but has no idea it's wrong, that doesn't warrant raising your voice or freaking out. "
"The only time you really need to raise your voice is when they need to stop doing something immediately and you need their attention right now. Even then, try to follow that up with a calm request so they don't get freaked out and afraid of you."
Smorgas_of_borg
This is a constant thing...
"Being dismissive over the things your child cares about or just generally dismissive of their emotions."
Raddatatta
"Same. When my sister passed away in a car crash a few years back, I never was really in tune with my emotions so I wasn't really sure how to handle this. The entire time I'm having this mental breakdown I also have to worry about how I need to explain to my mom that no, I don't hate you I want to be left alone. This is a constant thing. Tbh, the more she says it the more it does become true."
BeekoBeekoBee
Fear
"Kid being terrified of the parents."
pielover1617
"Legit terrified is bad. But "' can't do that, mom/dad would KILL me!" is healthy.'"
ostlandr
No Way Wtf GIF by HarlemSome of these responses are just... I don't know what to say.
Crazy!
Audrey Whitby Reaction GIF by AwesomenessTVGiphy"When their instant reaction to any mild criticism about their child’s behaviour, or their own behaviour in front of their child:""
“ARE YOU CALLING ME A BAD MOTHER!?!?”
"I wasn’t. But now I am."
Susim-the-Housecat
Talk to other Adults...
"Dragging your kids into your adult drama. They are not your therapist, they are your child and shouldn't have to bear that burden on their shoulders."
VenomousViperz
"My mom made me feel like the parent so often when I was a kid. I recently heard a fellow coworker doing the same to her son and I cringed so hard. I understand keeping your child informed about possibly switching jobs, but you don’t call your 14 year old kid and say 'I probably won’t have a job tomorrow. I don’t know what to do. But don’t worry.' DON'T WORRY???"
allamb772
Whoops!
"Yelling in rage at kid when it drops something by accident or when it is just clumsy."
Bellevilleilya
"I did a gentle 'whoops! Watch out let's clean that up' with my daughter when she dropped a plate, and my wife and her sister both had to recenter for a moment because they grew up with absolute Dad rage and had instinctively prepared for me to flip out. It really drove home how permanent every little moment of parenting is."
ThinkThankThonk
Do as I Say!!
"Seeing your children as servants who should blindly follow your every command just because you’re their parent. Then got the nerve to act like they’re committing a crime by having a problem with that and putting up boundaries as they get older."
The_Cars93
"'parents should be seen as holy!' My mom a few days ago, because she gets constantly into conflict with me and my brothers. That these conflicts happens because she's drunken wasn't a problem for her."
ES-Flinter
NO!!
Cbs No GIF by HULUGiphy"Lack of boundaries, destructive behaviour against someone else’s property and not understanding that what word 'no' means."
aothiik
My Sister
"My sister died suddenly and unexpectedly. Me and my sister were very close but we were never close with my parents, they were emotional unavailable and dismissive our whole lives. (I could use other words to describe them, but I wont). Anyway, I tried to be strong for them, fell apart on my own as that's how I cope and what I'm used to. Ultimately they turned on me, said I didn't care my sister died."
"I don't care about anyone and then went on to list all the ways I reacted incorrectly throughout my entire life, making me out to be a devil. I had to cut all contact with them and I only regret I didn't do it sooner and that my sister didn't do it while she had the chance. We spoke about it a lot. Life sucks without my sister, I miss her more than I can express, but it's much improved without my parents in it."
kirby60
psychological warfare...
"When parents live separately and talk bad about each other to the children. No kid should believe they were born to a 'bad person.'"
These-Yoghurt-3191
"Ah, yes. As a child to divorced parents, I feel this so hard it hurts."
"You always feel like you have to choose a side, and makes you feel guilty where you shouldn’t. Even harder when they both have their own spin to the tale, and you don’t know who to believe. It’s all psychological warfare, and it’s shitty to feel like the middleman in a war you didn’t ask to be in. No child should ever have to feel like that."
FlowerchildOfTheWest
hands on...
"Bruises on your kids back in the shape of your hands."
TheDarkKnight1035
"Mom used a wooden spoon. And when she broke her favorite wooden spoon on my backside, guess who got in trouble? No big deal- I'd rather have been beaten every day than deal with the verbal/emotional abuse."
ostlandr
Head Games
Think I See You GIF by DAZN North AmericaGiphy“It’s all in your head!' on mental illness. Thanks, Dad; I knew something was wrong. I didn’t need invalidation; I needed help. Clinical anxiety stinks!"
ENFJPLinguaphile
Being There
"Lack of attention to your kids."
heatfan1122
"A lot of times when people think kids lack discipline most of the times it's actually just that. Lack of attention to your kids. Kids need guidance and protection and love. If parents don't give them any of this you can bet they will start acting out."
mizukata
"Looking at you, parents who ignore your kids in public because you think staring at your phone is more important."
DeathSpiral321
Typical
"My parents were the typical angry authoritarians. I learned early on that no matter what the situation was, I'd get yelled at and things would go easiest for me if I just apologized. Fault didn't matter, parents being wrong didn't matter... the longer I waited to apologize the worse it would be. Groveling apology letters would end silent treatments quicker... my mom might only ignore me for 2 days instead of 4 if I wrote her a 2 page letter explaining why her making me cry was my fault."
Carbonatite
You're Beautiful
"I worked at the kindergarten a while back and a 6 year old girl refused to dress up in a pair of pants bc it made her look fat. Learned soon after that her mother had an eating disorder and feared that her child might get fat. so she made her follow a special diet to avoid weight gain. the girl was obviously concerned about her looks, and felt guilty for eating stuff her mother didn't approve of."
ohfxckm
Chores
"When they can’t do anything for themselves. I went to college with kids who couldn’t do their own laundry or cook basic pasta meals or call and make their own appointments. Your job is to make self sufficient adults."
axani7730
"I feel like I'm in this exact position. In college, but don't (and probably can't) do basic chores because my parents insist on doing just about everything for me. Because of this, I feel incapable of moving out or ever becoming independent. It sucks so much, especially seeing my peers, some younger than me, clearly better off in this regard."
chomusuke_cat
Smile Sweetie
little blonde girl beauty queen kid GIFGiphy"Signing your little daughter up for child beauty pageants. This is the hill I’ll die on as a sign of bad parenting. Those pageants and everything around them is just all kinds of wrong."
CrieDeCoeur
Hungry?
"Not cooking, not shopping for groceries, leaving the entire house bare of food. Screaming at your kids every time they tell you that they are hungry, calling them entitled every time they say that they want food. Telling them things like, 'Why should you get to eat if you haven't done anything to deserve to eat?'"
uninc4life2010
Please be more prepared before you bring children into this world. Now you know why that's important.
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Rule number one in life...
"You are entitled to nothing!"
Money does not make you better and this isn't your world that the rest of us are merely guests in. Just some mantras to begin with.
$$$
kim kardashian school GIFGiphy"Stopped giving money so they had to get a job to have the things they wanted. Helped a lot."
Breaking the Cycle
"Having been abused and neglected as a child, I vowed not to make the same mistake with my own kid. I made a bunch of different ones instead! I didn't discipline here enough, because the only kind of discipline I knew was physical abuse and I refused to do that. In trying to do better I went in the opposite direction, and by the time she was about four years old she was a spoiled, tyrannical brat."
"My husband had worked long hours and wasn't home a lot, and she usually behaved well for him so he was largely ignorant of what was going on. He eventually got permission to work from home a couple days a week and that's when he realized how bad things were. He gently took me aside and pointed out that a four year old should not be screaming at their parents after having been asked to perform a simple task."
"I got therapy to help work through my own issues, and together my husband and I came up with a strategy that allowed me to discipline our daughter without physical punishment. (It took a few tries before we found a strategy that worked.) Then covid happened and now my husband works from home four days a week, which has helped immensely. Our daughter is still spoiled, but her behavior has improved a lot over the last few years to the point that she's usually pleasant to be around, lol. She and I are both a work in progress, but so far the whole family is doing better."
Wonder Woman
"I started a relationship with a wonderful woman who puts everyone else first. She has a heart of gold and is the sweetest person I have met. However, this desire to make everyone happy is not how you parent children. She has a moderately autistic child who is 15 and another child who is 13. She created an environment where they rely on her for everything. The 13 yo can't even make himself toast."
"The 15 yo did whatever he wanted because she was more concerned about him being happy than being independent. So far, I've gotten the child with autism to wear underwear, stop peeing anywhere he wants, stop abusing his mom, to begin feeding himself finger foods, and in general, to listen if we ask him to do something. I need to work on the youngest one to start making himself food and to eat something other than just frozen chicken strips and french fries."
The Oldest
"My husband had this realization a couple of weeks ago about his oldest. He was shocked when we were at the store and I said no to our toddler, he said ok and didn't whine, I praised him for listening and at that moment my husband was like Holy crap, I think he's more confident and independent than his teen sister, I done effed up with her, haven't I? I just shrugged."
"I told him it's not too late, he just need to keep working on it and not feel guilty about the past. Most people didn't expect a 20 some year old guy to step up and take care of a kid by himself, now that he's older he knows better and going forward can work on building a more positive relationship with his oldest kid which I believe will be helpful to her and might even encourage the confidence and independence she'll need one day. But I'm no expert our kid is very young and most days behaves like all toddlers do 😅."
The Son
Fathers Day Dad GIF by GIPHY Studios OriginalsGiphy"I realised that, because my daughter was so difficult (I have since found out she has ADHD and Autism, like me her Mum), I was letting my Son away with so much more than I would her."
"It was my fiancé that pointed out to me that I was letting him walk all over me for an easy life so I could focus on my youngest and we have made huge changes in the way we discipline him and as a result he is back to the delightful young man he was in the earlier days. I owe a lot to my fiancé actually!"
Rule number 2...
Parents, don't be afraid to parent. Don't try to heal your wounds by allowing a new generation to just do whatever comes into their minds. Raise decent humans, not make-up versions of you.
Tapped Out
sad scream queens GIFGiphy"My daughter was throwing a fit that her bottle of water was not the brand she wanted so someone asked her why she didn't just drink tap water. Her response was, "what's tap water?" She's 10."
The Limit
"Would have to be when my daughter was 15. I set up credit card account for her, set the limit to $500 and told her the card was only for emergencies, such as if she was out somewhere and needed an Uber home. Got the bill the first month, the card had been run to it's limit, $125 at a beauty salon, $200 at various clothing stores and multiple fast food runs."
"So I sit her down and say "Didn't I tell you this card was for emergencies?" She looked me in the eye and calmly said, "Yes, and that's all I used it for." I reply, "And getting your hair done and a sale at Hot Topic are emergencies?!?" She replies, "Yes for someone my age, they are." Needless to say her credit card was quickly revoked."
- Dervrak
Oh Mama...
"Not one of those parents. But my mom never learned. She has spoiled my younger sister since she was a toddler. Sister is now in her mid 40's, and is still an entitled b*tch. To make things even better; my mother has been the child care provider (free childcare) for all three of my sister's kids from the time each was born. So now. Not only are my nieces and nephew being raised by a narcissistic mom. But by their grandmother, that made their mom that way in the first place."
"The last Christmas we went to their house, which was years ago now since it was THAT BAD. All three kids were in various stages of meltdowns because they didn't get what they wanted. And that was the year the kids got brand new iPhones. The oldest was 9. The middle was 7. And the youngest was 5. It's funny listening to our mom be confused about how they are all spoiled brats."
People Break Down Their Greatest Accomplishment On The Internet | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
Potty
"I wouldn't say I spoiled her myself, I traveled a lot and just wasn't there for my daughter as much as I should've been. My ex wife, my mom, my MiL all spoiled the hell out of my daughter. I came to the realization after my divorce. I had my daughter for the weekend. She was 4.5 at this point. Not potty trained yet because god forbid she did something that was different."
"I remember sitting on the floor, trying to get her to use the potty and she's just yelling at me that she wants her diapers back. When she went back to her mother's house I get a phone call from my ex, yelling at me for trying to make her use the potty when she wasn't ready."
"My daughter was 4.5 years old! At that point I knew. Did some research, called a behavior specialist and started to get her on the right track. I love her and she's a pretty amazing child. She's still spoiled as hell. I can only do so much with the time I have with her."
Product Placement
Billy Porter Reaction GIF by MOODMANGiphy"She bullied kids for not having Gucci, supreme, other designer brands, and the latest apple products."
Bad Cousins
"I am so thankful that I grew up watching my auntie mess up so much with my cousins. They were so vile because she allowed them to be. She would ask them what they wanted for breakfast lunch or dinner and they would each choose something different from each other, then when she had cooked it and served them they decided they wanted something else, this would go on and on until about 4 meals had been dumped."
"My kids help me choose the weekly meals but there is no faffing, they eat or they don't but if they don't finish at least the vedge and 1 other thing then they don't get anything else or pudding. My cousins used to scream that they wanted stuff from every shop we went in, full on paddy in the middle of the store until she gave in. The first time my oldest tried this I calmly dragged him round the shop screaming whilst I put everything in the basket back then picked him up and walked home without getting anything my other two boys learnt off their brother's mistake. My cousins would run riot anytime we were out of the house running into roads, my auntie screaming like a banshee."
"My boys were on reins from the start, then once they proved they could hold hands without darting the reins were taken off then eventually they could walk next to me without holding hands, we used the traffic lights game so they could run ahead and the moment I said stop they calmly waited until I caught up. Everything I did when they were small has made them absolutely amazing kids/teenagers now. I have had people commenting on how well behaved and how helpful and polite my babies are and I must admit I do look at them every now and then amazed at how I could be so blessed to have 3 absolutely amazing beautiful boys that I absolutely adore."
"Before anyone says that I don't know what it's like with a child with a disability (the normal response I get when I blame the parents for bad behaviour) my middle boy is autistic and dyspraxic with a mental delay and health problems, my youngest is also autistic but undiagnosed because he doesn't need extra help like my middle boy does. They are now 14, 13 and 11 and we have a fantastic relationship, all 3 are happy and healthy to me that's a win as a parent."
Screams
"Not a parent but a sibling. I'm the oldest of 3. My youngest sibling is 4 and he will walk around demanding everything from both of his parents. His dad will give him whatever he wants and our mom will either ignore my brother or yell at him. The middle kid, my sister who is 13 btw, will throw a screaming fit whenever she doesn't get what she wants."
"And my mom retaliates by screaming back at her, grounding her for a certain amount of time, and then just forgets about it. Meaning my sister just continues to do whatever she wants. When I go to tell my mom that my sister is still grounded she will just get frustrated with me and ignore me."
"Neither my mom or my brothers did do anything to try and change how either of my siblings act. They think I'm the spoiled one bc I've got severe mental problems and have no motivation for anything, so when I sleep in late bc I can't get up they yell at me for being lazy. My mom yelled at me the other day for asking to go to therapy once a week instead of every other week."
Siblings
"I'm not a parent, but rather the oldest sibling. I have to do a lot of the stuff around the house because my mother is a single mother who works nights and sleeps during the day and my 2 siblings don't help at all and they make big messes and my sister, which is the youngest and has microcephaly, gets pretty much whatever she wants and gives me an attitude and my brother is a snob, but he's getting better."
"My mom and dad are split and they cannot come to terms with anything but I tell my mom it's probably best for them to go live with him because his wife is more strict and they would get on track, plus there they have more siblings that aren't as "mean" as me."
"baby"
excited bad seed GIF by Kim's ConvenienceGiphy"My first was an only child for over a decade. Whatever he wanted he got"
"I had no problem with this since he was my only "baby." I did not realize the damage until I got pregnant again and he had a hard time accepting the new reality of his life. He fought hard to go against it. It took lots of patience, love and therapy for him to understand having a sibling could be great as he is loved as much as his new sibling. Today he is the most loving, caring big brother ever."
The 9 Year Old
"When I realized I was an 'enabler' to my 9 yr old son. He was always difficult and would refuse to go to school, clean up, shower or do anything I would ask of him. All he did was ask me for toys and I would give in, using it as a bribe for him to go to school or start listening etc."
"This went on his whole life. It was getting worse till I realized that my buying him toys was just a patch on a deeper issue, which was him suffering from anxiety and depression. I just hated seeing him so sad or angry, and loved his happy face when he got a new toy."
"A year ago I took him to a psychiatrist who diagnosed him with anxiety and depression. He's been on meds ever since, and has barely asked for toys, is happy, goes to school and is a pleasure to be around. I swear to God, if I didn't get him diagnosed and carried on as his enabler, I don't know where he would be as a teen or adult."
The Younger One
"Not my kid, but my youngest brother my parents never spoiled me and my older brother because they weren't very financially stable until they had their third kid and me and the oldest spent majority of our childhood at our grandparents while our parents worked."
"After my mam had the third she stopped working because my dad owned his own business and we became really well off (british middle class) and then they had the fourth kid my youngest brother who is 4 now and my mam spends all her time with him and #3 they only noticed how spoiled he was about Christmas last year."
"He gets everything he wants and kicks off whenever he gets punished even if its so much as "you cant play on your xbox for the rest of the day" and now they need to take him to camhs (kids mental health service in the uk) because although he's only four he's become so destructive and stuck up already and its an actual issue."
Motor Issues
"I got a new car at the end of last year when my daughter was almost 15. I kept my old one (2011 Buick Enclave) for several months thinking it would probably make a good first car for her. When I mentioned it to her, she literally said "Nope, I'm not going to drive that thing" in the most embarrassingly entitled way. So I sold it."
"And now rather than a free old car, she's going to have to buy her very own old car (and pay for the insurance). Thankfully she has a job and some time to save her pennies, but she's learning the hard way that my offer was pretty generous and her snotty attitude was all it took for me to rescind it."
NO!
snl spraying GIF by Saturday Night LiveGiphy"With the pandemia, and having to be at home all the time, we bought a lot of things to our 4 year old (books, a trampoline, some toys). One day he got super upset because he wanted something and we said no. We decided we'll give him gifts only on his birthday, children's day and Christmas."
- Lis_9
Nasty Little Fool
"Not a parent (not that old) but a family friend's kid. The little fool is like 9 and is generally more of an a**hole than I am at 17 and am very pissed. He regularly talks crap to people who are more than twice as old, physically harms other kids his age (not seriously but come on) and acts very spoiled the drop of a hat. And his parents complain "idk how he got so spoiled," duh dummy its kinda your fault."
- Maanavdv
#nevergonnastopme
Cute GIFGiphy"I bought mine what ever toy she wanted, let her pretty much own the back yard, pampered her with her with treats. She's also a dog sooooo... yeah going to continue spoiling her. #nevergonnastopme."
See there, a whole lot of people need a good role model to set them straight. Again, I happily volunteer. I'm not saying parenting is easy, but a ton of you can certainly do better. For the world's sake.
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