As much as many of us would choose to relieve ourselves in the comfort and privacy of our own home when duty calls, sometimes we are left with no choice but to brave using public facilities.
So one time, in band camp, I had to do a number one during a lazy river outing. I saw a portapotty on the shore, so I had my comrades paddle over to dry land so I can get out. I should have just peed in the river. 
I opened the door to the lone commode – and horror of horrors – I saw a fecal mountain towering majestically above seat level. Needless to say, I had to go so badly, I added to the moat surrounding the colossal muck.
I wish I can flush that memory from existence.
Redditor Reddit807 asked:
"What's the worst thing you've ever seen in a public toilet?"
Let's just say, this thread did not disappoint. Just make sure your food is digested before continuing.
Assault On The Senses
"Diarrhea on the toilet seat and walls- it was horrible. Smelled atrocious."
– slekrons
"But how did it taste?"
Reaching New Heights
"Saw this in the JetBlue terminal at SEA a few years ago. How the hell do you get it that high up the walls and not on yourself!?"
– alinroc
Roofing
"A poop outline on the roof as if a log had be thrown up with force directly after being excreted. Imagine those art handprints kids do with paint but brown and in the shape of a meaty finger."
Swedish Meatball
"Some one had made a sh*t on the floor and put a tiny flag of Sweden on top of it...."
– Shejku
"If it was at a grocery store, my money is on a scenario where they were giving free samples of Swedish meatballs with the flag as a toothpick."
Big Mass
"Sh*t. Lots of shit. Sh*t in places where shit is not supposed to go. In a public toilet there's a specific place for sh*t and people somehow manage to miss it. It's almost like they were aiming anywhere but the toilet."
– BigD1970
jurassic park deal with it GIFGiphyCrime Scene
In some cases, the discovery in a public bathroom were more grim.
Splattered In DNA
"A turd covered in blood about the size of my forearm peaking out of the toilet blood was all over the toilet bowl it was insane. Actually had a safety meeting on it the next day."
Final Destination
"Dead body...OD victim in a bathroom at a nature preserve. Had been deceased at least a few days. In 90+ degree heat in the summer."
At The Bus Stop
"When I was 17, I went to use the bathroom at the Greyhound bus stop and found a homeless guy who had died. That was a pretty crazy experience."
How He Got A Free Bus Ticket
"Well, I went into the bathroom, opened the stall door and saw a dead man with his pants around his ankles, his head propped up against the wall."
"I screamed bloody murder, ran out of the bathroom and into some dude about to go in, yelled, 'DON'T GO IN THERE!', made it to the ticket counter, yelled something like, 'there's a dead man in the bathroom!' and calmed down enough to be able to give a report to the police."
"On the plus side, I got a free round trip ticket from Dallas to Amarillo out of the deal, so I had that going for me, at least."
Nothing To Do With Poop
Aside from the occasional corpse, some people found things that had nothing to do with excrement.
For Love Of The Game
"An earring with part of an ear still attached. It was in San Francisco after a superbowl one year. I was visiting for work, and thought I'd head to a bar. I went to the bathroom, and it was absolutely trashed. Two urinals were broken off the wall, doors were torn off the hinges, trash was all over the floor, and an earring with a big chunk of flesh. People were going insane over that game."
– efluxr
You Better Watch Out
"A freakin Christmas tree standing in the toilet. It was fully decorated. In June."
"Christmas had passed."
– IAmWeary
The next time you are out in public and you MUST use the restroom, know that you may encounter any of the scenarios listed above.
Because even a fancy restaurant is not bereft of irresponsible, careless, and drunk patrons who will excrete whatever from any of their orifices and then flee the crime scene with the expectation that an employee will clean up their mess.
Check, please.