Journalist Somehow Loses His Pants While Completely Sober—Then Makes A Startling And Hilarious Discovery
We've all had a great "I was so drunk I (blank)" story. Sometimes you perform a dangerous stunt. Sometimes your pants come off. It's all in good fun.
Of course, sometimes you're Daniel Dale, correspondent for the Toronto Star, and you lose your pants while completely sober.
That's not a euphemism; he literally lost his jeans and had no idea where they were.
No, I'm not kidding.
Me in AirBNB, 7:55 AM: Where are my jeans? I don’t understand where they could be Me driving to breakfast, 8:02 AM… https://t.co/vdLa97GMAG— Daniel Dale (@Daniel Dale)1557592003.0
Dale was visiting Arizona when he made the discovery that a pair of his jeans were missing. Later that morning, as he drove down the road to breakfast, he notices some jeans in the road.
It takes him three minutes to put two and two together.
Unfortunately, this is where the trail ends. There are no other clues as to what happened.
We can't even blame him being in an altered state of mind, as Dale says he doesn't drink or do drugs.
@ddale8 https://t.co/jwe3e6341L— Lynn Hoff, MCM (@Lynn Hoff, MCM)1557593597.0
I do not drink or do the drugs, I don’t know guys— Daniel Dale (@Daniel Dale)1557592157.0
What... did they just get up and walk away? God.. my life’s a mess https://t.co/c2HDOfmfoM— Rebecca (@Rebecca)1557727096.0
That doesn't stop us from postulating what could have happened.
His jeans somehow escaped his bag, slipped out of a moving vehicle and sat in the road all night without anyone moving them. This happened in Phoenix, and let me tell you, Arizona has a weird energy to it.
I will point out, that Dale is the Toronto Star's Washington correspondent, meaning he has to research the lies of politicians often.
And by 'politicians', I mean almost exclusively Donald Trump.
While drugs and alcohol might not be blamed for his state of mind, we've no idea what effect looking at Trump's actions for too long might do to the human mind. For all our science knows, this could induce some kind of pants throwing mental state.
Or maybe they just got up on their own in the middle of the night?
@truespartan01 I have no idea they must have fallen out of a bag— Daniel Dale (@Daniel Dale)1557592780.0
@BonksMullet @ddale8 I have some bad news https://t.co/yYprss19N3— Draglikepull (@Draglikepull)1557593455.0
@ClueHeywood @PARecSpecs Phoenix!— Daniel Dale (@Daniel Dale)1557602096.0
I know what you're thinking, "Daniel Dale made this whole thing up." This is a fair point. But it's also the most boring point, so we're going to ignore it.
Plus, it'd be really disappointing if a man who is so associated with calling out Trump's lies was just a sensationalist liar himself.
As I said, the trail is cold from here.
This has actually happened to me except sober me somehow lost a bra on the sidewalk outside my hotel and drunk me f… https://t.co/uderq1cQqZ— Catherine (@Catherine)1557593379.0
Probably just a glitch in the matrix. https://t.co/3VD7KtwMt9— ADIVA (@ADIVA)1557699560.0
arizona, i love u https://t.co/EEsmsMCxev— Olivia (@Olivia)1557623699.0
On one hand, Dale is grateful he was able to get his pants back. On the other hand, I'm sure he wants to know what happened to them as much as we do.
In the meantime, all as can do is speculate.
What could have happened to those pants?
Stranger Saves College Student's Grade By Switching Pants With Him, And Becomes The Internet's Newest Viral Hero
It's a tale you don't often hear—a stranger willing to give up his pants for a teenager in need.
We realize how weird that sounds, but it's actually quite the story. Check it out:
19-year-old Jake Wolf was headed to a chemistry lab at the University of Illinois in a pair of shorts. At first, Jake was excited to be wearing shorts, since it was so nice outside.
However, he realized en route to his lab that not wearing long pants to his lab would render him unable to participate in the class, since it was against the rules for safety reasons.
"I show up to my lab, it's 7:58, two minutes before my lab starts and I realize I'm in shorts, which is not good," he told BuzzFeed News.
The lab locks its doors at 8:10—not enough time to go home and change and get back for class.
"I panicked. I was like, how am I going to do this? If you miss a lab you're basically guaranteed to drop a letter grade."
In desperation, he stopped and asked a stranger for help.
My buddy forgot to wear pants to lab and https://t.co/aLoDBaa031— Chris Royer (@Chris Royer)1554824893.0
"I'm by the business school and I see this one guy about to walk into the school and he's wearing sweatpants," Jake continued. "I said, 'Dude, I need your pants.'"
"I was like, 'You need to trust me. We need to go to the bathroom and change. I really need your help on this one.'"
@CRoyer97 https://t.co/4L9O5tJxoJ— Andrew Kreutzer (@Andrew Kreutzer)1554913495.0
@CRoyer97 Fame always gets u 😔😂😂 https://t.co/ReDnqtzsdk— Andrea (@Andrea)1554927486.0
@CRoyer97 He lost me at "Trust me let's go to a bathroom"— x-Drew (@x-Drew)1554936915.0
@CRoyer97 @tayashmue I forgot mine and this is what my professor made me do🙃🙃🙃 https://t.co/5qshOSP4ml— Johnny V (@Johnny V)1554866243.0
@CRoyer97 Bruhhhhh he named the guy “pants” in his phone 😂😂😂😂😂— Kenneth Heasley (@Kenneth Heasley)1554845788.0
"At the time I was just kind of shocked," said Sam Brown, the guy who Jake approached for pants-help. "And he explained again how he needed this because it would affect his grade. Then I felt like I should probably help this guy out."
"I realized afterwards, it all kind of happened blur, that oh my gosh I kind of just gave my pants to somebody."
Normally when approached by a stranger on the street telling me to drop my drawers I say no, but today I decided to… https://t.co/B3FIkWt3ao— Sam Brown (@Sam Brown)1554839257.0
@downtownsambrow not all heroes wear pants— Official Beto Bully 🌹 (@Official Beto Bully 🌹)1554945348.0
@downtownsambrow The fact his contact name is “Pants” is the funniest part😂— Kyle Adams (@Kyle Adams)1554953864.0
@downtownsambrow @C_Massie11 Incredible stuff, Sam. A real hero— Luisangel Rodriguez (@Luisangel Rodriguez)1554845258.0
@downtownsambrow Your contact name is “pants”— dead inside ♡ (@dead inside ♡)1555004451.0
Jake put Sam's name in his phone as "pants" because he didn't have the time to ask his name.
The two have been picking up social media traction pretty steadily since it happened:
@CRoyer97 @downtownsambrow The type of man every woman and gay man aspires to marry. A man of the people.— pettiana (@pettiana)1554958601.0
@CRoyer97 @downtownsambrow But did he got his pants back?— Efteling Freak (@Efteling Freak)1555023032.0
S/o @downtownsambrow you’re a campus hero— Chris Royer (@Chris Royer)1554839757.0
@downtownsambrow You’re a legend my guy— Chris Royer (@Chris Royer)1554839349.0
@downtownsambrow @hatefulluvr Not all heros wear capes... This one wears pants.— Shhh 👑 (@Shhh 👑)1554995315.0
"I know if a stranger came up to me and asked me to switch pants, I'd say no. I can't believe he did that for me," said Jake.
"In hindsight, I should've just gone to the bookstore across the street. They sell pants."
But when you made your mama proud:
This was my son @Jake_Wolf53 asking a complete stranger for his pants..#proudparent https://t.co/PGTB9hxfpf— Sheryl Wolf (@Sheryl Wolf)1554909695.0
That's all you need to worry about for the day.
If you're ever in this situation, let's hope you find a stranger just as kind. Or maybe it would be wise to keep a spare pair in your lab kit!