Young Professionals Share Tips On How Not Immediately To Tank A Job Interview
With more and more people entering the labor force, it's important to have great interview skills. Let's be honest, though, a lot of articles about how to give a good interview are kind of boring. This article ain't that.
One user gave Reddit a challenge:
Your task is to ruin a job interview in the first 30 seconds. What do you do?
Reddit responded like they do to pretty much all challenges - and stepped up to the plate in a big way. We've got some suggestions that made us cringe and laugh, and some stories that convinced us some people shouldn't be allowed in public without a chaperone. Have fun!
Keep referring to the interviewer as "tough guy." Works equally well for both genders, works even better if the interviewer happens to be younger than you.
Grilled Cheese Sandwich - No Cheese
I can tell you what one young woman did when I was a hiring manager. She had a perfectly positive phone interview for a business casual, sit-down sales type job with our non-profit, so we scheduled a time for her to come in.
I arrive in the lobby to find this young woman wearing a stained, oversized wifebeater t-shirt, a pair of yoga pants in what I can best describe as an Arizona iced-tea can fake desert pattern, and crocs.
And literally the first words that came out of her mouth were, "I bet I don't look anything like I sound on the phone, do I?"
I was so stunned, I just took her in for her interview with me and my boss. The interview lasted all of five minutes during which she displayed all the personality of a grilled cheese sandwich missing the cheese.
She was not hired.
Ask the interviewer how qualified they are to be taking your interview, and as a bonus, ask for their salary.
I work in a call center as a supervisor. I had this rep who could have been amazing but she just was a miserable person and didn't want to be coached or told what to do.
A few months go by, she had stopped talking to me or even looking at me by this point (literally would not look at me as she walked by and I said "good morning").
Her performance continues to suck and I finally put her on a performance plan. As I'm administering I have my team lead present because at this point I refused to be alone with her with concerns of allegations (for the record....I'm gay, so not that kind of allegations). As I'm administering the plan I'm stating how my team lead will be helping her through the process. The rep interrupted me and starts asking my lead what qualifications she has to be a part of this. My lead being taken aback started to answer. I quickly shut that down and moved on.
She essentially failed on day 1 because she said "I have worked in call centers for many years and I know what I'm doing to take a good call. I'm not going to change my actions just because you think otherwise."
She didn't make it past 30 days after that meeting.
"I Don't Have A Boat"
I once interviewed a guy who was unbelievably high. A few minutes in, he stops and stare out the window and says "Hey is that my car? I think someone is stealing my car. Oh wait, no, there's a boat on that one. I don't have a boat." Job offers are contingent on passing a drug test.
"Hi, I do not want to work with black people, do you have any of those?"
In For The Hug
When he goes for the handshake, step in for the hug. Refuse to move until he reciprocates, and throw in a "mmm," in his ear.
They might go ahead with the interview anyway as a professional courtesy, but you're not getting that job.
I used to be a hiring manager and was having a hard time finding a decent employee for the office. I had a phone interview with a guy that seemed really legit. At the end of the phone interview I set up an in person interview with him and ask him to please bring a copy of his resume to the interview. After hanging up I send him an email confirmation of the interview and state "also, please remember to bring a paper copy of your resume."
Day of the interview, he shows up with a briefcase and in a full suit. A little overdressed, but whatever, I'd rather someone over impress than under impress. We go in to the meeting room, he puts the briefcase on the table in front of him and opens it so that he can see in and I can't. He doesn't close it....
I start by asking him if he has a copy of his resume, he responds with a quick "I'm sorry I forgot!". I tell him it's no problem, I'm thinking as long as there are no other red flags it doesn't matter too much. And I proceed with the interview.
Literally every single question I ask him he responds with "well if you look at my resume you will see..." Or something along those lines. I reminded him about 4 times I didn't have a copy because he didn't bring one (ya I had one on the computer but he forgot it and should be able to answer basic questions without referencing it). When he continues referencing it, I give up, finish the interview, thank him, and say goodbye.
One thing still really bothers me... If he forgot his resume... WHAT THE HECK WAS IN THE BRIEFCASE?!
The Birthday Present
you can do what my brother did and have a hip flask of whisky in your jacket pocket and let it fall on the floor as you take your jacket off
BTW he is not an alcoholic, i had given him the hip flask as a birthday present two weeks before
Passing On A Question
Most mind blowing interview I ever note took went something like this
Interviewer: Right well we're going to start with 6 standardised questions. Take your time and think about your answer. Tell us about a time when you exceeded in the workplace, what results did you get and how did you achieve them?
Our Hero: thinks for about 5 seconds and then says ... pass
Attendance Not Required
I actually once got a job that I ditched the interview for.
I was in my early 20s, submitting a ton of applications because why not? Got a call for an interview, said I'd be there, went out partying the night before and slept through the interview time.
I figured that job prospect was shot, so I just gave up on it. The next day, though, I get a call from another manager saying they found my application and it said my interview date was yesterday so they'd like me to come in to fill out all the new hire paperwork. It must've been a miscommunication between all the staff, or something. Either way, I thought it was amusing.
Turning The Tables
Bring a starter kit from each of my five MLMs in, and "answer" every question by weakly tying the content to at least 3 of the "great opportunities" I have. If called out, admit cheerily that I never wanted the job, I just want to help the interviewer quit theirs, or would they like to host a party for free product??
That's The Stuff
"Got any pictures of your kids?.... Yeah, that's the stuff."
Establish Dominance Early
Walk in and go straight for the handshake while making direct eye contact. The second the handshake is engaged let out a nice long fart while maintaining eye contact and don't let go of their hand until your done.
Screaming At The Hiring Panel
Was on a hiring panel, called a candidate in, the boss asked him, "so, why do you want this job?" Candidate screams "YOU CALLED ME" we all looked at each other, went around the table, questions? no, no, no. Okay, we will contact you, if there is ANY interest.
Ask That Guy
After going thru the high level interview process , as hiring manager I was brought in to interview someone
I like to break the ice and get a feel for someone's comfort and how they conduct themselves by asking "tell me about what you do now"
Now I have their resume n in front of me so it's not like I can't read it , it's just an easy question that usually gets people talking
So I lob my softball to this candidate ..
And his reply ...
"Man why don't you ask that guy !? " (the hr person who first interviewed him)
"I already told him everything..."
It was at that point I looked at my phone and said "oh no I have an emergency"
And walked out of the room
Blow It Before You Even Show Up
I've seen 2 situations where someone blew an interview before they even came in for the interview.
-One person got called about an interview for a job they applied for where I was working. They asked what the starting pay was because they didn't want to waste the gas driving across town (10-15 minutes) if the pay wasn't high enough.
-A guy got offered and interview and asked if he was offered the job if they would allow him to wait 1-2 months before taking his drug test.
Both people were told not to bother showing up for the interview.
How to blow one in 30 seconds when you're there? Ask if they test for marijuana because that's not really a drug right?
The Honest Answer
I did this one time lol. I don't think was quite 30 seconds. Their first question was "so do you think you have any skills that will help you with this job?" I said "I don't think so." That was pretty much it lol
Don't Wait To Be Offered An Interview
Do what my favorite interviewee story did and show up without being offered an interview.
2 hours later he left (usually a 30 min interview) shouting that he's a team player and that he'd be back.
I had the pleasure of being in the interview process for other resident advisors in college in year 3. A guy sat down and said "Gotta be honest here. I really don't like black people." Quickest interview ever.
Failing A Drug Test
I had to tell a guy his application was unsuccessful because he failed a drug screen. he test positive to marijuana.
Conversation was like
Me:"Hey Mate, just wanted to let you know that unfortunately you were unsuccessful with your application due to failing the drug and alcohol test"
him: "Oh really ? but i don't understand, i only had like one or two puffs of a joint the day before the test, surely only a few puffs doesn't show up"
Spent the next 20 minutes explaining to him that if you smoke weed, you will fail a drug test.
He just didn't understand
When I was moving on from middle school to high school my parents had me tested for the "gifted" program. By some miracle I passed and was accepted. And then I turned it down. Everyone was irritated. "This will pave the way for any college you want! You'll learn so much!" his path will set you up for life!" Every adult tried valiantly to sell me this merchandise but in my gut I just wasn't buying it. So I "settled" a level below, merely advanced classes. And upon reflection... it was the best choice I ever made.Redditor u/dauntlessdaisy was wondering how far some in life got by asking... For those of you who were considered "gifted" in school, what are you doing with your life now?
"Sounds Nuts"<p>The rigid routine for the gifted kids is just too much for people that age. It almost feels like it's built to make you fail. So that if you succeed, even with a C/D average, at least you're alive. Like, how in the world does 4-5 hours of homework a night sound reasonable? All while engaging in extracurriculars for college and having some kind of life. And what really is the payoff?</p>
Chems & Beats<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTc5NDg3Ny9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYyMTk5NTkxNH0.qusPPfEvnWh50Geq4LP1HE8sjmkK97WZSrOBjfSVprU/img.gif?width=980" id="95784" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="0268259a753568e56c8d749d3c940ef2" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="480" data-height="360" />axl rose GIFGiphy<p>Chemist during the week. Drummer on weekends. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lxlszi/for_those_of_you_who_were_considered_gifted_in/gpo4jgx?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Best_Detective_2533</a></p>
Average People<p>I was "gifted" in elementary school. Looking back, I realize that I was just average in a below average school district lmao. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lxlszi/for_those_of_you_who_were_considered_gifted_in/gppbiln?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">CLE_Till_I_Die32</a></p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lxlszi/for_those_of_you_who_were_considered_gifted_in/gppbiln?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer"></a>I think that's what it really boils down to. How are you compared to your immediate peers? Then the school can round up a few, put them in a faster class, and justify their jobs. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lxlszi/for_those_of_you_who_were_considered_gifted_in/gppd7ww?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">neveraskmeagainok</a></p>
Meow Meow<p>After a long battle with depression and burnout at university, I've found repairing electronics to be quite soothing/rewarding. I think mostly, because it's very clear when a project is done (it was broken, now it's not), which really removes the pressure and anxiety of failing to live up to people's expectations.</p><p>I also have a wonderful partner and a very handsome cat.</p><p><em><strong>Edit:</strong></em> <a href="https://imgur.com/a/jd0g7GE" target="_blank">cat tax</a>. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lxlszi/for_those_of_you_who_were_considered_gifted_in/gpnnsx8?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">MarcelLovesYou</a></p>
Say Ahhhh<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTc5NDg4OC9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY1MDI2NjU3NH0.iRFYsfod945abO2DqTbt3aDEZ5CPlq3OHSqTtkjU-RQ/img.gif?width=980" id="456d4" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="e86eb4cf1863827259219cd38604077b" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="500" data-height="230" />head feels GIFGiphy<p>I'm a doctor, been aiming for this since I was 10! Finally succeeded 18 months ago. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lxlszi/for_those_of_you_who_were_considered_gifted_in/gppbktv?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">grc208</a></p>
Useless<p>I was praised for my intelligence, not my work ethic.</p><p>I got lazy as heeeell.</p><p>I'm trying to instill into my children that hard work and practice is more important than being able to figure it out first try. I praise the effort, not the end result. I hope this works out better for them. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lxlszi/for_those_of_you_who_were_considered_gifted_in/gpnurd1?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">openletter8</a></p>
Days with the Dead<p>I went into a profession that is less about being "gifted" and more about being personable. I studied Funeral Science and all my peers and high school students thought it would be a waste of my time and talents, yet 27 years later, here I am. I actually own my own Funeral Home where we provide affordable funerals and cremations and enjoy helping others through the rough times in their lives. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lxlszi/for_those_of_you_who_were_considered_gifted_in/gpoeiqm?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">iseedeadpeople1973</a></p>
I Object!<p>Went to law school, which I stupidly thought would be a breeze because high school and college were. Quickly discovered that everyone there was "gifted" and the professors didn't give a crap about our prior achievements or LSAT scores, etc. Had to really work hard for the first time in my academic life and definitely did not breeze through with As. <span></span></p>
I wanna Care<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTc5NDkwMC9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYyODkyMDYxOX0.oQUbPvjRftqI6V62pYIyN_-CXpIW1B4qO9AVpZjSZ0I/img.gif?width=980" id="dd8d8" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="19540e96f68bf1079ba3279efbb513e3" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="500" data-height="281" />Spongebob Squarepants Reaction GIF by NickelodeonGiphy<p>I work my 40 in logistics to keep the lights on. Its a low-stress gig that pays enough that I can focus on the crap I actually care about. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lxlszi/for_those_of_you_who_were_considered_gifted_in/gpnmuzw?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Reddit</a></p>
Deep Breathes...<p>Panic attacks over the idea of failing. "Gifted" children more often than not weren't taught to work hard because they just 'naturally got it', so they grow up not knowing how to problem solve and tackle difficulties in healthy ways and thus are extremely paranoid over the idea of not being the best. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lxlszi/for_those_of_you_who_were_considered_gifted_in/gpo0dp2?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Ahstia</a></p>
Slackers<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTc5NDkwNy9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY1MDk4NjE0OH0.Vk6OppgF8-RtV2byZa-Wl75izrGgdi3TAF84y3j70UQ/img.gif?width=980" id="bf81d" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="565d606bdd560de62b3f4ffdeef0c865" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="600" data-height="411" />Tired Back To School GIF by OriginalsGiphy<p>Procrastinating.</p><p>The thing about those "gifted" classes is they don't provide you with any work ethic. As a kids we were just expected to meet the criteria, and we expected it too. now as crap gets harder in life, a lot of us procrastinate and slack off. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lxlszi/for_those_of_you_who_were_considered_gifted_in/gpnn5ep?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">asteliia</a></p>
There's a million things that can happen to you while out on on the road.
When The Weather Is Against You<p>Sometimes you can't stop the outside world from getting in your way. Weather or a nail on the road can throw you off your trail. A small addition to your car's inventory can make a huge difference.</p>
Keep It Clean<p>Kleenex and paper towels.</p><p><a target="_blank" href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lzr4ze/whats_something_you_should_always_keep_in_your_car/gq3jqb6?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3">Back2Bach</a></p><p>And a pack of wet wipes or baby wipes! They come in so handy.</p><p><a target="_blank" href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lzr4ze/whats_something_you_should_always_keep_in_your_car/gq3woqe?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3">yourmomspocket</a></p>
Need A Little Nap?<p>Blanket</p><p><a target="_blank" href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lzr4ze/whats_something_you_should_always_keep_in_your_car/gq3jbjb?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3">kattrapp</a></p><p>Surprised I had to scroll so far for this. Blankets are important if you break down in a cold rural location, but also if you get too lit at the party you can sleep it off before driving home.</p><p>Update: looks like folks are saying you can get arrested for sleeping in your car. Please avoid getting a DUI by using your car blanket to make a blanket fort. If the cops don't know the secret password you have no legal obligation to let them into your blanket fort (probably).</p><p>P.S. be aware of your local statutes</p><p><a target="_blank" href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lzr4ze/whats_something_you_should_always_keep_in_your_car/gq3payi?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3">benwinsatlife</a></p>
Never Assume You Have Enough Juice In The Phone<p>Phone charger</p><p><a target="_blank" href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lzr4ze/whats_something_you_should_always_keep_in_your_car/gq3m886?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3">kukukele</a></p><p>I learned this lesson when I was traveling to visit my sister, missed my exit, got lost, and had to stop to get a charger in an area I was unfamiliar with at night.<br></p><p>Google maps was not a big thing at that time, so the GPS map on the phone was <em>really</em> delayed. And I did not have a physical map either.</p><p>Now I always have a charger in my car just in case I end up out longer than anticipated and need to charge my phone.</p><p><a target="_blank" href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lzr4ze/whats_something_you_should_always_keep_in_your_car/gq4dq5j?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3">bunnyrut</a></p>
Things You Never See Coming<p>The open road can lead to various perils, least of which are the ones you can't predict, could never predict, and in no way could even pretend to predict as of reading. Be ready.</p>
For The Unknown...And Bats<p>Flashlight</p><p><a target="_blank" href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lzr4ze/whats_something_you_should_always_keep_in_your_car/gq3i70m?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3">slightlybluebubbles</a></p><p>I carry a bat that has a flashlight in the end.</p><p>It also has a pulsing light feature to blind attackers</p><p>And then the bat part to whack attackers</p><p><a target="_blank" href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lzr4ze/whats_something_you_should_always_keep_in_your_car/gq3t9ia?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3">nosh_dosh</a></p>
Need To Worry About Your Tumtum<p>water</p><p><a target="_blank" href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lzr4ze/whats_something_you_should_always_keep_in_your_car/gq3i7rs?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3">Renske5060</a></p><p>This is excellent advice, it's even better if you combine it with a water bottle.</p><p>Also blankets and non perishable snacks will make a breakdown much more bearable</p><p><a target="_blank" href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lzr4ze/whats_something_you_should_always_keep_in_your_car/gq3m1rw?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3">TannedCroissant</a></p>
Three Months Or Less<p>Lots of people saying "gas"; they might mean in the tank, but do not keep it in your trunk (or boot, whatever). It degrades and evaporates in 3-6 months.</p><p>Keep a gas canister with a little money inside: enough to fill it.</p><p><a target="_blank" href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lzr4ze/whats_something_you_should_always_keep_in_your_car/gq3snpu?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3">ChefHannibal</a></p><p>I like the idea, but I'd just keep the gas in the trunk and put it in my tank at the 3month mark, and then refill it with new gas. If you run out of gas miles from a gas station, its gonna be a pretty big pain waiting for someone to give you a lift to the store.</p><p><a target="_blank" href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lzr4ze/whats_something_you_should_always_keep_in_your_car/gq47s5t?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3">JumbledEpithets</a></p>
Basics To Get Going No Matter Where They Are<p>Then there's those things you should probably start having with you, no matter what, and no matter the situation.</p>
To The Negative And The Positive<p>Jumper cables</p><p><a target="_blank" href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lzr4ze/whats_something_you_should_always_keep_in_your_car/gq3j1h3?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3">D4m0n619</a></p><p>You can buy a battery bank now for $30 that will jump start your car. Much more convenient.</p><p><a target="_blank" href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lzr4ze/whats_something_you_should_always_keep_in_your_car/gq3mq0w?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3">OklahomaBou</a></p>
You Know. For Fires.<p>A fire extinguisher. About 2 years ago I was in the car with my parents when all of a sudden the gears stopped responding and smoke starting coming out of the front and back. We parked on the side of the road, opened the front and a piece (I think it was the battery) was burning. It was only put out because a man who was passing by riding a motorcycle quickly stopped, took off his jacket, soaked it in water from a bottle that he had with him, and covered the fire with it. Turns out he was an ex-fireman. You probably shouldn't always count on being that lucky.</p><p><a target="_blank" href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lzr4ze/whats_something_you_should_always_keep_in_your_car/gq3v0hj?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3">TheHyperioniteYT</a></p>
Yeah. Yep. Yeah.<p>Dashcam.</p><p><a target="_blank" href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lzr4ze/whats_something_you_should_always_keep_in_your_car/gq3m2ki?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3">PagantKing</a></p><p>Front and back dash cam.</p><p><a target="_blank" href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lzr4ze/whats_something_you_should_always_keep_in_your_car/gq4ab6o?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3">GodOfThunder101</a></p>
I love the reactions of parents when their little precious one utters its first words; it's like a high holy holiday. Parents can't get over that moment. From the second we are born we're trained to start gabbing. Communication is key in life, and once that milestone takes off, it's all pride and fun... until it's not.
My favorite parent reaction is when precious spits out some naughtiness in public, then parents cower in shame. And I'm like... what'd you expect, that's what you asked for, their using their words. That's you fault.Redditor u/Great-Plateau wanted to hear from parents about those times kids have left them wanting to throttle by asking... What's the worst way you've been embarrassed by a child?
"Lowkey"<p>If I were a parent I wouldn't teach my kid to speak until they were a teenager. That is an appropriate amount of time for them to learn what is <em>appropriate</em> when engaging in public dialogue. I get frustrated when my dog barks out of line at the dog park or in the yard past sundown so I can't imagine my reaction of a toddler shaming strangers with sass, that they probably lowkey picked up from me. </p>
I'm 5<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTc5NDc5NS9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYxOTc4ODExNX0.Kio62BNrrQS05FZdCI-wMPIA7fjtL2runvIgZHGAQYU/img.gif?width=980" id="d1893" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="21fc9fa9a182e97e648dea26db78c1eb" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="480" data-height="270" />Hide Reaction GIF by florGiphy<p>I was bagging a lady's groceries and her kid asked me, "why are you so fat?"</p><p>My brilliant comeback was, "why are you so short?" To which he replied, "I'm not short, I'm 5." </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lyaskw/whats_the_worst_way_youve_been_embarrassed_by_a/gpsoc7d?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">amberdowny</a></p>
No Donuts for you!<p>When my son was six, walking through LAX and he's complaining that I wouldn't get him donuts (running late for our flight).</p><p>I'm holding his hand and walking along and all of a sudden he stops and starts screaming... "STOP IT I DON'T KNOW YOU! SOMEBODY HELP ME I DON'T KNOW THIS MAN!"</p>
Lions Oh My<p>I don't remember this story but my mom tells it all the time. When I was five my mom took me into the stall in the women's rest room because she had to go. She had been in there awhile and the bathroom had been crowded so she asked me, "can you take a look and see if there is a big line out there?"</p><p>I excitedly screamed, "A LION?!?" And flung the stall door open.</p><p>There was a big line. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lyaskw/whats_the_worst_way_youve_been_embarrassed_by_a/gps3cpu?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">MindfulMuser</a></p>
Big Terry<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTc5NDgwMy9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY1MjE5MDM4MX0.jomK8XPmPcl1DVElvqZy6iW4nmSE4lWEbeurB-eIQfM/img.gif?width=980" id="4632c" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="05d4649bf5b53e4c3ddff710665d88ea" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="300" data-height="245" />Shocked Bbc Three GIF by BBCGiphy<p>When I was a kid, I was fascinated by how grown ups went to the bathroom, to the extent that I would demand to accompany any adult so that I might observe their technique.</p>
The Stench<p>I'm a preschool teacher, we were on the outside playground and it was a hot day. A kid fell off the swing-set so I rush over to check on him. He's full on sobbing, leans against my body then pulls away suddenly yelling "Eew! I don't like the smell of you!"</p><p>I couldn't even laugh it off. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lyaskw/whats_the_worst_way_youve_been_embarrassed_by_a/gpsd137?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Beign_yay</a></p>
"HaHa"<p>Now that is a lot of funny, for the single and childless bunch. I can give credit where credit is due, every now and again kids do say the darndest things and they do often espouse some knowledge. But a majority of the time they turn adults ten shades of red. But observation is observation. You just have to stress about utilizing the inside voice. Here are some more examples of championing the <em>"hush."</em></p>
Ahoy....<p>My little sister is ten years younger than me. When we were maybe 5 and 15 or so respectively, we were walking through a restaurant parking lot when a big group of bikers exited to their bikes. These guys had the leather get-up, the bandanas on their heads, chains, the works. My sister pointed to them and exclaimed "LOOK, PIRATES!"</p><p>They didn't think it was funny. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lyaskw/whats_the_worst_way_youve_been_embarrassed_by_a/gpsbgdt?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">breadmeupscotty</a></p>
Keep Smiling<p>My child was 3 while we were waiting in a doctor's office. An exquisitely dressed elderly woman was sitting next to us and started talking to my son. Kid is fascinated by all the sparkly jewels and such, and says, "I love your shiny necklace, and you're pretty earrings...and your yellow teeth."</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lyaskw/whats_the_worst_way_youve_been_embarrassed_by_a/gps3xcb?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">EhlersDanlosSucks</a></p>
The Queen<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTc5NDgwOC9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY3Mzk4Njk3OX0.gEzviCLve6QwF1oiYUhhwAHDa08BR9fpIOZA7A_EK8c/img.gif?width=980" id="91b77" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="e4f7c7c7218d4776ada029a4809a08dc" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="550" data-height="409" />Disney Princess Beauty GIF by DisneyGiphy<p>My wife was out with my 2yo daughter who pointed at a lady wearing a traditional Indian dress and stated "piss-ed." The lady probably heard "piss-head", but what daughter was trying to pronounce was "princess." </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lyaskw/whats_the_worst_way_youve_been_embarrassed_by_a/gps9l40?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank"> finiteresource</a><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/finiteresource/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer"></a></p>
The Webs...<p>I had some people over and my 4 year old nephew starts shouting "is anyone here afraid of spiders?" Once he had everyone's attention, he told us all that if anyone was afraid of spiders they needed to leave because he found cobwebs, and cobwebs mean spiders. He then proceeded to point out every single cobweb in the house to our guests. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lyaskw/whats_the_worst_way_youve_been_embarrassed_by_a/gps9g83?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">copycatcactus</a></p>
Full of It<img lazy-loadable="true" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yNTc5NDgxNS9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYyNDc2MTU0NH0.WMg5LQNckINjAPglfpSY_GFS6q1ueXnanjKZlrq_4_M/img.gif?width=980" id="30d69" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="f607b0d62c0c988ac452f347be6e9720" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" data-width="480" data-height="386" />Tired Work GIF by TV LandGiphy<p>My little brother likes to tell people that my tummy may <em>look</em> like it's full of fat. But it's actually full of <em>love</em>. It's both sweet and awkward. </p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lyaskw/whats_the_worst_way_youve_been_embarrassed_by_a/gps1oa0?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank"> Awkward_Aspy</a><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Awkward_Aspy/" target="_blank"></a></p>
"Inside Voice"<p>Kids are cute. They are also a whole world of trouble. I think that when it comes to the words that fall out of our mouths, we all can be kids. Who hasn't spoken out of turn and not realized until it was too late? See, behavior does carry over. Inside voice people. Learn that lesson early. </p>
I have no idea how to be a parent. I also will never have to know as I have no plans to raise delinquents... sorry, "children" as a life goal. One of the reasons why it's never been on my bucket list is because I believe it to be a calling not designed for everyone. Now, just because it's not in my future doesn't mean I can't give an opinion or five about how to not do it wrong. There are just some obvious "logics" we can all attest to.Redditor u/sham-da-man wanted to hear about all the times parents were just wrong but asking... What is the worst parent logic you know?