Young People Share What They "Just Don't Get" About Older Generations
Growing up, my parents worked two jobs each, so I spent most of my time with my retired grandfather. Let me tell you folks, I never once understood the way he did things. He was like a baffling magical mystery to me. Like, why are we saving all these newspapers and is there a reason we are driving for hours a day going to five different grocery stores looking for the best deals on a can of tomato paste?
As I got older I learned about the extreme poverty and oppression he fled when he escaped Cuba. That answered some of my questions but seriously didn't we spend more resources than we saved going on the quest for tomato paste? Apparently I'm not the only confused one.
Reddit user Blueeeocean asked:
The answers had us over here waving our hands in the air like we were at church. JUST FOLLOW THE GPS, DAD! Here are some of the top responses, edited for content/clarity if needed.
Reading Is Fundamental
My grandma forgets how to use the remote control to her TV. She can read and is still all there, I just don't understand why you don't remember or just read the words for the on/off, change channel/volume button, etc.
Why are you so naked in the locker rooms? I get we are all naked, but you guys are like, extra naked.
The Nice GPS Lady
Just follow what the GPS says Dad. Okay, if it was faster the nice lady in the GPS probably would have said so and even if your convoluted route might work, at best it'll shave like three minutes off the trip and at worst it'll add an hour.
Produce so many, universally delicious, pies. And cookies. I'm 90% sure my grandma is the primary source of America's obesity.
Who Raised Them?
Complaining about the millennial generation without recognizing that they raised us...
Writing checks at stores. I'm not even that young, I'm 38, hell I had a class in school about balancing checkbooks and writing checks and all that.
I hate writing checks, I can't fathom why you wouldn't want to just swipe a card and be done with it? Instead you slow down the line while you write your check and enter it in the register.
Watch the news 24/7.
Its so depressing and sad. Then they complain that their lives are sad. Come cook or sew with me. Lets go for a stroll around the house. Lets talk about your childhood, i don't know, just something besides arguments, fights, and death on the TV.
An Address Book
My mum still has all her contacts in an address book, she has an iPhone with all of her contacts in that but al ot of the time she still pulls out old the address book and types the phone number in.
If she wants to call Jan, Jan's number comes up after she types in 0456 but she still types the rest of the number.
I've stopped suggesting she uses the "Contacts" app.
I don't understand their obsession with the mail and b*tching about the mailman if their pile of junk mail is an hour later than usual.
I once stood outside with my grandma while she waited for her mail. She wouldn't shut up about how late it was, and for what? It all wound up in the trash five minutes later.
Fancy Fragile Plates
China dining sets.
Both sets of my grandparents and all of their friends had these really elaborate, pretty sets of China that sat in the cabinet for years collecting dust. They seemed very proud of them, but if anybody so much as looked at them, they would get barked at to be careful. Us kids were warned in no uncertain terms that if we ever touched them, it would be our last day on this planet.
What is the point of owning fancy, fragile plates that you never use?
This seems to be old men especially, but why do they like to bring up politics unprovoked? My dad is old and loves to being up the state of our nation during parties and at dinner when I'm just talking about work. I've had people bring up Trump while I'm ringing their groceries out. Thanks for your view on politics, but I just asked if you wanted to donate to childrens fund because I'm required to.
"Reddit user Reeceqld asked: 'What was supposed to be 'The Next Big Thing,' but totally flopped and tanked?'"
We've all succumbed to the hype surrounding something, be it a phone, show, or even a new-fangled drink.
Product rollout is so over the top these days.
The "next big thing" is usually promised to change EVERYTHING.
Then the release happens, and... the hype fizzles.
It happens to the best of everything.
From video games to weight loss products, nothing is a guaranteed hit.
Redditor Reeceqld wanted to discuss some of life's biggest flops, so they asked:
"What was supposed to be 'The Next Big Thing,' but totally flopped and tanked?"
Farewelliphone GIF by Product HuntGiphy
"Microsoft held a literal funeral procession for the iPhone when they introduced the Windows Phone."
"As someone who's worked as a software engineer since the mid-1980s, an industry where rapid change is the norm, one thing has remained the same: Apple is doomed. Any minute now."
"Universal Picture's 'Dark Universe.'"
"The Mummy with Tom Cruise was supposed to start a whole line of movies, but when that one died it took the rest with it."
"The real tragedy is that a Dark Universe is not a bad idea. Various Universal monsters exist in the same universe? Sign me up! However, it played more like an action film than horror, because Tom Cruise cannot be in anything other than an action movie. We might have gotten Javier Bardem Frankenstein’s Monster, that is a perfect casting right there."
"Google+ was supposed to topple Facebook."
"This was one of the worst product launches of all time. They had like one week where everyone was super excited about it and wanted to try it and they limited it to invite-only. Very few people could get in. By the time they opened it up to everyone, nobody cared anymore."
Never taken off...
"3D TV. I remember those being sold somewhere when we had to buy a couch, and accidentally renting the 3D version of a movie, but it never took off."
"This isn't anything new. The major issue seems to be that it gives a certain amount of people a headache or they find it otherwise uncomfortable. Add to that the need for the glasses even in the current iteration and you can start to see where there's an accessibility issue too."
"About 25 years ago, they thought ostrich meat would be as popular as chicken."
Not sure anyone wanted that kind of chicken nuggets!
Scooped Awayice cream GIFGiphy
"Are Dippin' Dots still the ice cream of the future?"
"Well, they're definitely not the ice cream of the present."
"They completely underestimated how much we design cities for cars (especially in America) and how unwilling anyone is to change this."
"Look at the 15-minute cities concept. All these people are claiming isn't about population control. Can't even get pedestrians, bicycles, and cars to play nice with each other, let alone something like a Segway. Which is a shame, because if we designed cities for bikes, and segways, we might end up with something quite interesting and useful."
"Quibi. It’s like they forgot that we already all had YouTube…"
"I got the 3-month trial, and it was really weak. I like the idea of 10-minute shows with a new episode a day, I often watch movies I've seen before that way. But it's impossible to deny nobody was asking for it. And the dramas didn't feel like serials, it felt like awkwardly short full episodes, complete with characters standing around reminding the audience of what happened last time, which I'd just watched."
"The reality shows felt like 2 minutes stretched painfully to 10. So yeah, weird concept, the shows didn't really meet the concept anyway, and oh yeah all of the ideas were really half-baked. Here's a horror show set in different states, with legends we just kind of made up. Idris Elba competes with a NASCAR driver to do stunts basically invented for NASCAR drivers. Anna Kendrick made friends with her ex-boyfriend's sentient sex doll."
Get a Honda
"The Tata Nano. The company set out to build the lowest price new car in the world, and it succeeded. Unfortunately, newly middle-class Indian families didn’t want the stigma of owning the world’s cheapest new car, so sales never came anywhere close to expectations."
"Not a complete failure. It failed because the new chairman of the Tata group didn't see its potential and cash revenue. This led to a boardroom coup with an earlier chairman which led to disclosure that the car was not doing that great. This led to people not wanting nano car and subsequently, it stopped manufacturing in a few years."
Big FailNew York Yankees Reaction GIF by MLBGiphy
"Lytro. It was a light-field camera that allowed you to change a picture's point of focus after taking the image. It had a cool design and neat features capturing an Apple-like aesthetic of form and function. Huge failure but I was obsessed with them for a while."
I can't remember half of these things.
So that should tell you everything.
Do you have any to add to the list? Let us know in the comments below.
There's never a dull moment when you work as a taxi driver. You just never know who you're going to pick up next or what secrets they'll let slip out. Oftentimes, it's the passengers who seem the most harmless who have the darkest things to share. Here are some of the juiciest secrets taxi drivers have overheard while on the job.
1. Stepping Inmen's white crew-neck top close-up photographyPhoto by Christopher Campbell on Unsplash
An 18-year-old guy who was a regular customer of mine was stressing over his exam results. He told me that if he’d failed, his life was over and he would have to end it all. He was completely serious. I was terrified—but I knew just what to do. Apparently, his parents had been putting overwhelming pressure on him. When I brought him home, I called his father out of the house, and by that time the poor guy was in tears.
I told him to tell his dad what he’d told me. The father was distraught. I let them both talk for a bit and eventually, the father got him out of the car and brought him inside. Later on, the guy updated me on what happened—he told his parents the whole story and they were horrified. They soon got him into therapy. I have no idea whether he passed his exams or not, but I do know he was alright afterward.
I was very shaken up about it. The situation could have easily gone wrong.
2. Mystery Bagsselective focus photography brown leather 2-way handbag near treePhoto by Harsh Jadav on Unsplash
I conducted incident reports for Uber. I would often get rider complaints about a driver's behavior or driver complaints about a rider's behavior. One time, a driver called in to tell us that his car was written off and therefore he couldn't work any more shifts. I asked him what happened—but I was NOT prepared for the story he told me.
Turned out, the driver picked up a guy at 2 am and he put these two duffel bags in the trunk. He told the driver he'd done something he really regretted and that he needed to take a ride to a nearby underpass with a river. When they got there, he threw the duffel bags into the river. The driver called 9-1-1 first, mostly to tell them that the guy was being weird as heck.
After a brief search in the river for the bags, officers found the rider's girlfriend in the bags. The smell was so bad in the car that the cleaning crew couldn't remove the smell or stains after the forensics exam. The insurance company wrote off the car.
3. No Witnessestime lapse photo of cars passing by bridge during nighttimePhoto by Kayle Kaupanger on Unsplash
My uncle was a taxi driver in LA. One day, he picked up two guys who were discussing a murder they were going to commit. After a while, they started debating whether they should also do my uncle since he had heard them talking about their plan and could identify them. They eventually decided not to, but that was the day my uncle decided to stop being a taxi driver.
4. The 25-Year Affairturned-on filament bulb lights at bar counterPhoto by QUI NGUYEN on Unsplash
I was helping out a friend of my dad's who owned a bar in Ontario, driving his regulars home. It was my first fare of the night, and the guy I picked up confessed his darkest secret. He told me he was cheating on his wife with his dealer. To clarify, the dealer was a woman (quite good in bed too, from his detailed description). Apparently, it had been going on for 25 years. I don't know what impresses me more, a 25-year affair or a 25-year substance habit.
5. Out With The Oldbrown and black wooden surfacePhoto by max fuchs on Unsplash
I was driving a fare to the airport when I hit a large patch of black ice. The taxi skidded hit a guardrail, careening off another car that had flipped. I white-knuckled the heck out of it. We kidded safely into the berm, and I called my buddy to get me. We then proceeded to take the fare to his destination. While we were on the way, the fare asked me why I was driving a cab.
I told him I was saving up for a car since I was 22 and broke. He then handed me his card and told me to call him tomorrow. When I did, I found out his undisclosed profession—he was a fleet manager for Hertz. He sold me a used rental car for peanuts. Best fare ever.
6. Conversion Therapyman in gray sweater sitting beside woman in gray sweaterPhoto by Renate Vanaga on Unsplash
This one passenger told me that she convinced her gay friend to try being intimate with her just to find out the difference. The guy finally gave in and liked it. They hooked up a few more times, but that was it. The sad part was that she just found out the guy is now going out with her best friend and he swears up and down that he's straight.
She regrets having "converted" him and now she doesn’t know whether she’s just jealous of her friend or truly in love with him. She later asked for my advice on how to break them up. Haven't had THAT conversation before...
7. Battling Demonsblack car on road during night timePhoto by Patrik Storm (Alstra Pictures) on Unsplash
There was a lady I picked up at like 4 am who was obviously desperately seeking something out. We had over an hour and a half of a drive to go and I could tell she was physically hurting. She remained quiet for the first 45 minutes but was also texting often. At some point, she got a phone call and started arguing with someone who didn’t want her to go to her destination.
She kept saying she would be fine. I asked out of concern if she was okay, and she finally admitted the truth. The call was from her girlfriend—she didn't want her to go to this house in a fancy area to meet up with some dudes who wanted her to come over and hang out in exchange for some pills. Her girlfriend was convinced it would end badly.
I told her that I’d been in a similar situation with addiction when I was younger and that she could still beat it. She cried and cried. I had an old vape in my car and I gave it to her so she could chill out. It worked—she canceled her trip and I returned her to her pick-up location. She slept the whole way back. I hope she made it out of that addiction. It can really feel hopeless when you don’t know how to get out.
8. Whip It Real Goodwoman wearing mesh stockingsPhoto by Artem Labunsky on Unsplash
Uber driver here. One time, I picked up a dude from an adult club. He was a well-known local celebrity. His drop-off was in an affluent neighborhood in the foothills. As I pulled into the driveway, a half-naked, middle-aged woman in lingerie was standing by the garage. He told me, "This is close enough," so I stopped about 20 yards from the woman.
She cracked a whip and pointed to the ground at her feet. The dude then got out and on his hands and knees in his Armani suit and started crawling toward her. When he arrived at her, she cracked the whip again, pointed at me, and said: "You’re next."
9. Broken Bondsa car driving down a street at nightPhoto by Francisco Gonzalez on Unsplash
I used to drive for Uber for about a year. The craziest moment I experienced was with this teenaged kid who needed a ride on Thanksgiving evening after he got beat up. When he rushed into my car, his dad came out of the house and tried to stop me from leaving. I backed out of there and drove an hour and a half away to the kid's girlfriend's house.
I felt bad for the kid—apparently, he was trying to reconnect with his estranged family and it ended in a really bad physical altercation. I'm just glad I could get him to a safe place.
10. Me And My Big Mouthpeople on beach during daytimePhoto by Allison Huang on Unsplash
This happened a couple of weeks ago. So I sometimes drive for rideshare companies to make extra cash and keep me off of the couch. I live in a touristy area that booms during summer months and vacation rental homes are common. So common that I sometimes do pick-ups and drop-offs at the same homes for different people week to week and family/friend groups of people renting the homes are the norm.
One particular day, I dropped a guy off at a beautiful home near the beach that I had just picked a guy up from just an hour or two prior. So as we arrive I mention this to the rider: “Hey, I just picked one of your buddies up from here about an hour ago". Rider: “No, must be the wrong house". Me: “Nope, he walked right out of that side door. I dropped him off at a bar. His girlfriend is still in there though, she stayed behind".
I had seen her kiss him goodbye at the door but didn't mention this to the rider. “You guys having a vacation?” Rider: “This is a family-owned home, it's been in my family for years and we don't rent it out. Nobody lives here but my wife and I and I've been in New York for work for the past four days". Awkward silence as we both come to the realization.
He got out and I drove away, scolding myself for having such a big mouth.
11. Hey, I Know Youtrees beside white concrete buildingPhoto by Nick Romanov on Unsplash
Former Uber driver here. I picked up a very well-dressed lady from one side of town who was heading to a very rich neighborhood on the other side of town. During the ride, she made a series of calls and it became clear she was a "working girl" with quite a few customers. It also became clear that I was delivering her to her biggest client.
He was an accident and injury attorney who is known for extremely extensive advertising in my local area. Anybody around here would know his name...and he was supposed to be married with a family and everything. Ah. Well. My passenger indicated otherwise. His house was a very nice mansion. Law must pay well.
12. Something's Fishyman driving vehicle with GPS system turned onPhoto by Dan Gold on Unsplash
I gave a ride to two women who spent the whole time debating whether or not the man whose house I had just picked them up from had ended their friend's life. She just happened to croak in his kitchen earlier that same day. The alleged victim was a woman in her early 40s who lived with the man and had, according to his report, stopped breathing quite unexpectedly after an afternoon of yard work and bike-riding.
Her best friends weren't having it.
13. Ad Battlesblack car parked near green trees during daytimePhoto by Raychan on Unsplash
Pre-Uber, I worked for a limo service. I picked up this woman from the hotel who needed to go to the airport. She literally didn’t say a word to me the entire time, which was fine—she was just talking business on her phone or whatever. I couldn’t help but overhear that her company represented avocado growers and she had been in town to listen to two advertising pitches.
One agency wanted to do radio spots using The Zombies' "Time of the Season" while the other agency wanted to do actual ads on TV. She made it clear on the phone that her company was going with the second agency that wanted to do the TV spots. When I dropped her off at the airport, she paid me while still not acknowledging my existence.
A few seconds after, two business guys got into my vehicle. They were very friendly, asking me all sorts of questions. Eventually, I found out that they worked for one of the ad agencies that had just pitched avocado ads...Radio ads, in fact. They were the ones who wanted to use The Zombies' "Time of the Season." I couldn't believe how cool it was—until I realized what I had to do. They were very optimistic about their chances.
"Oh yeah?" I said. "That’s funny because I just drove the person you guys made your pitch to." They replied, "Really? Did she make a decision?" I then said, "Listen, guys—I hate to break it to you but you didn’t get the job." It got very quiet at that point, and of course, they called her to give them a piece of their minds. That was all fine with me, until somehow I got looped into it all...
It came out that the limo driver, a.k.a. me, was the one who spilled the beans. SHE WAS IRATE!!! Luckily, my friend owned the company, and when she called demanding that I be fired, he just humored her. Not the most discrete moment of my life.
14. Playa, Playaperson covering the eyes of woman on dark roomPhoto by Ryoji Iwata on Unsplash
I picked up a blind couple once. They didn't live together—he lived about three miles further on than she did, so I'd pick them up and their dogs from town, then drop her at home and take him on. This one day, her daughter was with them. When we arrived at her house, I hopped out to get the door. As I was helping the blind woman out, the blind man held back and shared a little embrace with the daughter.
They were kissing and whispering to each other. The daughter then got out of the taxi, and the blind woman kind of looked like she knew what was happening. I immediately jumped back into the car and took the blind man home. I didn't say a word. I was in disbelief. This guy wasn't exactly a looker...he was overweight, poorly dressed, smelt funny, and was freaking blind. Yet he had two girls. I was completely shocked.
15. Don't Ask, Don't Tellcars parked on roadside in front of houses at daytimePhoto by Alexis Balinoff on Unsplash
I work for Uber Black in Los Angeles. One time, I picked up a customer who had just gotten off a flight from Mexico. He had two stops: At the first one, he waited for some "compadres" who loaded five duffel bags in my SUV. At the second stop, we drove all the way to San Jose...which was a six-hour drive! After a $2,500 fare and $400 tip, I never dared ask what was in those bags!
16. The Wrong Brotherreflective photo of man in rearview mirrorPhoto by Barna Bartis on Unsplash
I've worked for Uber and one time, a passenger who was clearly intoxicated told me she should have married her brother-in-law. She said her husband was not well "endowed" and was much less handsome, but because he was far richer than her brother-in-law, she married him.
17. Poker Faceperson driving car during daytimePhoto by Jackson David on Unsplash
I worked for a rental car agency and would pick up customers or drop them off at their homes. Anyway, one lady I drove had just lost her son the day before. She lived in a rougher part of town and I think there was some gang activity involved if I remember correctly. Her son, the victim, was a student and not a thug. The poor lady was just trying to keep it together and get through her daily obligations. If she hadn't told me outright, I would have never guessed she was going through something. She kept that secret well.
18. Sister Saboteurswoman inside BMW car holding steering wheelPhoto by Gijs Coolen on Unsplash
One time, I picked up a few girls who were super tipsy. As the ride went on, I overheard them talking about how all three of them had their boyfriends stolen away from them away at some point in their lives. They were young, so maybe it started in high school. To cope with their rage, they admitted that they would try to sabotage other people's relationships, even if the people they targeted did nothing wrong to them.
The most disturbing part of their conversation was when they revealed the ways they did it. It was definitely too much information for me to handle. Dirty women...Disgusting. The men didn't even have a chance. One girl kept saying, "They never say no, they never say no."
19. The Tortured SoldierRed Bull energy drink canPhoto by Douglas Bagg on Unsplash
I own a taxi company in Sweden, but I only work on the weekends because I've got a job at a factory as a diesel mechanic. One night, as I parked at a gas station to get some Redbull, these two older men approached me, both clearly tipsy. They wanted to go home, and their place was a bit off in the woods, so I figured it would be a good fare.
I got my Redbull and put them into my car. One of the guys then started talking to the other, saying, "Come to my house, let's have more drinks." The other guy just smiled in a friendly manner. When we got there, the guy insisted his friend come in for a drink, but he kindly declined and told me to drive him to his house.
Just before I started to drive away, the other guy showed up and handed him an unopened can, for the road. I thought, okay, he's already tipsy as heck, what more damage could one can do? I hit his address on my GPS and we eventually hit a section of road that was really dark. It was just me and the tipsy guy. I started feeling a little bit on edge—with good reason.
I don't know what happened, but out of nowhere, he suddenly started losing it. It seemed like was having some sort of PTSD flashbacks. He was a big guy with a tough attitude, so I started to worry that things would get out of hand and I wouldn't be able to control him. At one point, he started hallucinating and became very scared.
He would explain in detail how he was kidnapped and tormented, and how a lot of his fellow friends in the army lost their lives right in front of him. But the thing that made him totally lose it was when he revealed that once, he and three other soldiers were captured by enemy forces—and they made him shoot his friend. He started bawling his eyes out like a little baby.
He never told anyone, never got sentenced, and the remaining two men who still were alive didn't say a word. They met up that evening, on Memorial Day no less, and got hammered. I just happened to be the driver that night. Now imagine being alone with a killer in the middle of the night, in the middle of nowhere. Yeah, that was terrifying.
20. Shared Hobbieswoman standing behind man in black tuxedoPhoto by Clay Banks on Unsplash
One time, I picked up a guy in his mid-20s who was buzzing pretty good. During our conversation, he revealed that he and his wife were swingers. I had a million questions about their lifestyle, so I took the opportunity to ask him. When I asked him how they found other swingers, he explained that there were a few websites and Facebook groups that made communication easy.
I dropped him off at his house about 20 miles into the country. He got out and said, “You're cool, man. If my wife were home, I would let you guys get acquainted with each other.” I just chuckled and drove away. After picking up my next passenger, she informed me that a phone was left on the seat. Knowing that it was the swinger dude’s phone, I was curious...very curious.
So, once I dropped the lady off, I looked at his phone—it was unlocked and the Facebook app had a notification. I had to look. Sure enough, there was a gal flashing herself and asking the group, “Anybody going to Bon Jovi tonight and want to hook up after?” I laughed and finished the night giving people rides to the Bon Jovi concert, wondering if they were part of the “group.”
21. A Dishonest Livingman in black suit jacket sitting on car seatPhoto by Anthony Fomin on Unsplash
These two guys were talking freely about their scam op and going into the specifics of how they could get the most out of it. The scam had something to do with cars and I can’t remember what it was, but I do remember them saying they've earned around $20 million so far.
22. Heaven Abroadperson driving vehiclePhoto by Evan Simons on Unsplash
Former Uber driver here. I picked a girl up from a bar on a Wednesday night. She was absolutely hammered, and it was only about 10 pm. She got into my car, apologized for being so tipsy, and politely asked if we could just drive around for a little while, with the windows down. I was prepping for a cleaning fee, trying to pull a vomit bag out of the glove box.
But she kept it together, simply putting one hand out the backseat window and making an airplane motion. She asked me if I had ever thought about dying, to which I replied, "Yeah, I guess so." That's when she told me her big secret—she had cancer. It was in her brain and it was too far gone for chemo to be effective.
I remember my heart just pounding. She told me she was dying and yet she seemed perfectly okay. That night, she was celebrating with her work friends who threw her a going-away party. She told them she was just taking a position abroad. "I just didn't tell them that abroad was heaven." Man...I turned off my app and cried my butt all the way home.
23. Away On "Business"man and woman in carPhoto by Allef Vinicius on Unsplash
I picked up this young, overly affectionate couple who spent the entire trip making out in my backseat and telling each other that they loved each other. Cute. I dropped them off, then went to pick up my text fare. All of a sudden, I heard a cellphone ring in my backseat—I realized the phone belonged to the previous passenger.
I picked up the phone to let whoever was on the line know that I was on route to give it back to the owner. Turned out, it was the guy's wife phoning in to check on him, since he was on a "business trip." Little did she know that he was actually with his mistress the entire time.
24. Pick And Chooseblack mercedes benz coupe on road during night timePhoto by Sebastian Pociecha on Unsplash
One time, I was driving a dude on a trip that was going to take around 30 minutes. He wasn't hammered, but he was definitely a bit tipsy. It was late and he must've been feeling a bit down, so he confided in me and asked me for some advice. He told me that he was madly in love with his fiance's best friend and that he couldn't back out now.
He'd been with his fiance for four years and they were to be married in a few months. I really felt for the guy—he went through five or so years of ups and downs with his girl, and her best friend had always been there for him. After a few years, he developed feelings and it was just downhill from there.
At the same time, he seemed like he was truly in love with his fiance too. Going through with the marriage meant a lifetime of being around the other girl and having to suppress his feelings, but not going through with it would mean losing both of the girls. He seemed like a genuinely nice guy. I hope he's doing okay.
25. Weird Vibesperson driving vehiclePhoto by Volodymyr Proskurovskyi on Unsplash
I picked up two guys who wanted to go to a club 40 miles away. As they requested an Uber Select fare, I was happy to drive that far. That was a quick $80 to $100. It took them 15 minutes to get ready, but they seemed cool so I wasn't worried. As soon as we got on the freeway, the guy in the passenger seat started asking about my Uber experience—that's when things got dark.
He'd ask me stuff like, "What would you do if someone just grabbed the steering wheel and ran the car into the median," and "Have you ever thought about what would happen if someone in the back seat tried to choke you while you were driving?" I got a little freaked out and tried to lighten the mood by asking the other guy what occasion they were celebrating, etc., but the one guy just kept at it.
I was happy to get to the club and get them the heck out of my car. While they never revealed a secret, it made me realize that no matter how normal a passenger may seem, there's always a chance they are actually crazy. I never drove Uber again.
26. Closeted In The Castrogroup of people under garmentPhoto by Mercedes Mehling on Unsplash
I drove this 19-year-old kid and his girlfriend during Pride weekend in San Francisco. They made out the entire ride. When we arrived at her house, only she got out. Then, once she was inside, he said, "Take me to Castro and 18th." I said, "Really?" and he said, "Yeah, I only make out with girls when I've had a few drinks in."
By the way, The Castro is one of the most well-known LGBTQ neighborhoods. Even the crosswalks are rainbows. Never a dull moment in San Francisco.
27. Justice For Dadsperson holding silver iPhone 6Photo by Thought Catalog on Unsplash
I picked up a divorced father whose buddy paid for his Lyft ride to the bar. He was supposed to see his kid that evening, but the wife wasn't feeling it. Apparently, she had custody, so she had the authority to decide when he could see his child. It was just terrible to see a man who desperately wanted to spend time with his kid be completely blocked from doing so.
The state of California had given dads so little rights (from how this guy described it) that even though he had a stable job and a good house, it was still a no-go. That was a tough one because I was so powerless to help.
28. A Shoulder To Lean Ona woman driving a car at night on a city streetPhoto by Selcuk Sarikoz on Unsplash
I picked up a girl to take her straight from work to the hospital to see her dad. Her mom had called her because it was serious. Her dad had cancer. I dropped her off and hoped everything would work out okay for her. But the next night, I was taking people home from bars and I ran into her again—apparently, her two guy friends took her out to get wasted because her dad had passed.
When I took them to get pizza, she came outside and we talked about it a little. That was probably the one ride where I felt like I had a positive impact on someone's life beyond getting them home safely.
29. Marital Issuesman driving a car wearing wrist watchPhoto by why kei on Unsplash
I was taking two couples home. When I dropped off the first couple, the husband of the second couple made a comment that I didn't hear. Apparently, he insulted the wife of the first couple, who also happened to be his wife's best friend. The wife of the second couple didn't like that, so she hit him...and not like a playful slap, either.
She literally struck her husband with full force across the face. At that point, I laid down the law: "We're not going anywhere if this is how it's going to be." They eventually settled down, but throughout the ride, the dude kept asking me, "How would you feel if you were me?" I just kept responding, "It's not about how I feel—you two need to discuss this tomorrow when you're sober."
30. Bon Voyagecloseup photo of vehicle instrument cluster panelPhoto by nik radzi on Unsplash
My friend drives for Uber in my hometown. One time, he picked up some really nice girls out on a Friday night. They were talking about their plans for the following autumn season. My friend thought he recognized one of them—turned out, it was my little sister. He told me all about her conversation, and that's how I found out my little sister was moving to Spain.
31. Not My Expertiseshallow focus of a woman's sad eyesPhoto by Louis Galvez on Unsplash
I picked up a girl on one Saturday evening. She was a bit upset and a little teary, and eventually, she opened up to me. Her story was one heck of a wild ride. Apparently, a business she had started was failing and she was in debt. She turned to exotic dancing to cover the bills. She said the pay was good but she kept getting really sick from all of the booze she felt obliged to drink (part of her job was to get guys to spend money at the bar).
She hated it and kept saying she felt trapped. She asked me what I would do in her situation, but since I'm a guy, I found it kind of hard to give her an answer. The only thing I could do was end the trip early.
32. Spanish Spatman driving classic carPhoto by Will Truettner on Unsplash
One time, I picked up two young Spanish guys. They were clean-cut, spoke English very well, and were really polite. Still, something just seemed...off. The first red flag was that they both decided to sit in the back when typically one person would ride up front. It was quiet for a bit until they started speaking to each other in Spanish.
I know some Spanish, and considering how quiet they were speaking, I knew they were trying to be secretive. So I started eavesdropping. It gradually became easier to hear them because they got louder and louder as their conversation continued. It was obvious they were arguing. I couldn't make out much, but I did hear them say 'me', 'you', 'they', 'where', and the name of some location.
Eventually, they stopped arguing and that's when I heard the phrase "Tu command, or "You get out." From what I remember, that was a very disrespectful way to speak to someone. One of them then said to me, very politely: "My friend forgot his date tonight, could you please let him out here so he can walk home before we get further away?"
I was conflicted, but I ultimately complied with his request. I figured I must've been interpreting their conversation wrong. The one who got out thanked me for the ride, apologized for the inconvenience, then said one more thing in Spanish to his friend before he left. After that, I thought I had definitely misunderstood them. But this night was just beginning.
Next, the dude asked if I could change the destination, saying his plans had changed now. I said of course, but I was also getting very suspicious. It was a long drive—longer than the first destination—and we began to leave town. Finally, I pulled up to this old farmhouse that looked abandoned, thinking it was his home. But when the guy got out, he didn't walk toward the house.
He just kind of stood there and said bye. I drove off down the road but turned back around out of curiosity. I saw that the guy was walking along the side of the road toward a small graveyard, a decent ways away from the house. I didn't slow down because I didn't want him to think I was snooping. I'm not sure what happened, but I'm pretty sure there was something hidden in that cemetery.
My theory is that as soon as his buddy told him where it was, he cut him out of the deal and made him get out. I think the first guy I dropped off may have even been scared of the other guy. Weirdest night of my life.
33. A Hidden Passionaerial photography of lights turned on at street and buildings at nightPhoto by James Hon on Unsplash
My mom gives rides in San Diego, which is a city that loves its Navy. It's where future SEALs go to BUDS. My mom was telling me that she once gave a ride to a young man who was about 20 years old. He had been fighting to become a SEAL his whole life but ended up falling asleep on the last day or two of BUDS. He consequently got dropped for the season.
He was crushed because he made it through everything before and now he would have to wait until the next season before being able to enroll again. Anyway, during the ride, he started to open up to my mom about his other passion which was medicine and she suggested that he chase that dream instead because he came off as a very caring and devoted person.
At the end of the ride, he asked her to step out of the car so he could give her a hug and a huge thanks for lending an ear and giving her opinion about the situation. He also left her his phone number so he could give her a call and let her know what he decided to do. A few days later, he gave her a call and said he had returned back home to Texas where he would start taking pre-med courses.
34. False Callblack concrete road between post lamps under black sky at nighttimePhoto by Filip Mroz on Unsplash
One time, I picked up a group of three guys, probably around my age (in their mid-20s). They seemed nervous as they were actively avoiding eye contact with me and they were pretty much silent from the moment they hopped in. I tried confirming their destination and asking them how their night was going, etc., but I only got muffled mumbling in return.
As always, I worked the situation out in my head and immediately thought of the worst-case scenarios. "Are these guys trying to rob me? Jack my car? Did they just off somebody? Am I an accessory? Do they have knowledge of the impending apocalypse?" But as my paranoia routine winded down, I slowly started to realize what was going on.
Between the beads of sweat, the occasional jaw clenching, and finally, the random giggle outbursts...these kids were tripping and tripping hard. Once it hit me, I called them out immediately and told them I was cool. They looked so relieved. I started blasting music and they just started geeking out at that point. Fun ride.
35. Sugar Babiestwo women talking while holding drinking glassesPhoto by Michael Discenza on Unsplash
I drove a lot of college-aged girls who were looking for a sugar daddy or already had one. They wanted 30-year-old men with a good job and no children who were willing to buy them lots of things and pay their rent. I had no idea this was so popular, but practically every girl who opened her mouth that night went on about a guy and his "stats." One girl even admitted to sleeping with someone who had the same name as her dad and was the same age as him.
36. A True Pessimistcars on road during night timePhoto by Aleksandr Popov on Unsplash
This guy who was in his late-20s told me that was having intimate relations with a girl who just recently turned 18. I awkwardly said, "Good for you" and he proceeded to tell me that things were not good—in fact, his life sucked, and everything he did to make himself happy didn't work. Then, things started getting really messed up. He told me he watches videos of people ending it all and he wished he had the courage to go through with it himself.
He also told me he was going to go to San Francisco to spend every last penny he had, then jump off the Golden Gate Bridge when he was done. I didn't really know what to say. When I dropped him off, I told him that I hope things start looking up for him. He just said, "They won't. They never do" and left.
37. Live-Action Break-Upman driving car during daytimePhoto by Tom Morbey on Unsplash
My husband drove a couple that broke up in the backseat of his car. The woman made fun of her boyfriend's ex, talking about how she had bad teeth. The boyfriend said her teeth were fine and that she was being really judgmental. She then asked him if he was still in love with his ex. He thought for a moment, said yes, and she started crying.
There was some kind of confusion about where to get dropped off since she just wanted to go home while he wanted to go somewhere in the opposite direction. Super awkward for my husband!
38. New Identityaerial view of city buildings during daytimePhoto by Colin Lloyd on Unsplash
I drove for Lyft in Denver, Colorado between jobs this summer. I picked up this guy who was going to the airport—he said he was moving to Florida to get away from it all. But he didn't have any luggage, not even a carry-on. I wasn't going to say anything about it, but my curiosity got the best of me. "So, where's all your luggage? Did you ship everything ahead of time?"
He didn't say anything right away. Just as I was deciding that perhaps I wasn't going to get an answer, he spoke up: "Nah, I just had my friend call me a Lyft and he set up my flight. I just escaped from prison but we look so much alike, so his ID will work for me to travel." I was quiet the rest of the trip.
39. Russian Rouletteman wearing grey long-sleeved shirt sitting on ground while holding his knit capPhoto by Luigi Estuye, LUCREATIVE® on Unsplash
I had a guy tell me how his brother passed, and it was heartbreaking. It was ultimately his fault, but everyone thought it was an accident. When he was a teenager, he got a hold of a pistol that he thought was unloaded...but it wasn't. While playing with it near his brother, he let a shot out. When his brother got hit, he made it look like he had shot himself.
At least that's what he told me. He moved from Russia to the US and doesn't talk to any of his family anymore.
40. Don't Mess With Meperson driving car during daytimePhoto by Jackson David on Unsplash
I just tried Uber for the first time two nights ago. We asked the lady what her craziest moment was and she proceeded to tells us of a dude who grabbed her and tried to force her to kiss him. Luckily, she had some sort of brass knuckle and she immediately put a hole in his cheek.
41. Sibling Love
My friend who drives for Uber once picked up three Brazilians: two girls and one guy. He said all three of them were attractive. One of the girls started making out with the guy. It seemed normal...until it wasn't. This is where the story takes a turn. The other girl in the car (the one not sucking face) told my friend that the two people making out were twins...brother and sister.
She explained that they did that whenever they got tipsy together. My friend said it was the purest form of narcissism he's ever witnessed.
42. Quite A Fightman and woman holding hands in front of glass windowPhoto by A. L. on Unsplash
The driver picked up a couple and they had a fight in the car. The guy asked the driver to stop the car and he walked a few extra blocks to his home to get away from her, even though they had both planned on getting out at the same place. The girl then asked the driver to go to her sister's apartment first, then drive back to the guy's apartment.
The driver did as he was asked since a fare is a fare, but since the girl was tipsy she started opening up a bit and revealed that she was going to her sister's place to pick up a freaking pistol. The driver dropped her off but refused to drive her back to the boyfriend's apartment.
43. Rumor Has Ityellow taxi cab on road during night timePhoto by Fotis Fotopoulos on Unsplash
I work for a small-ish taxi company. We have a contract with schools in the area to transport seniors to this graduate program so they won't drop out. They were usually badly behaved kids. Anyway, I was assigned to this one kid in his sophomore year. I heard some messed up things from other students about him—apparently, he got intimate with a guy in public, did stuff with a dog, so on.
I tried not to believe those rumors until I heard them from the kid directly. I felt he was owed the benefit of the doubt. Then, one year, he started being more confident around me. He told me some dark things, and while they didn't confirm the rumors, they did confirm that he was a messed-up kid. He admitted to stealing college money, taking advantage of a girl a few years prior (turns out, he wasn't gay, but still a predator), and getting into some pretty heavy substance use.
44. Let It Outblack audi a 4 on road during night timePhoto by Brecht Denil on Unsplash
On my first night driving for Uber and Lyft, I picked up a dude at 2:30 am. He was finishing up a pub crawl dressed in a purple dinosaur onesie and he was HAMMERED. He got in and started telling me his entire life story, from how he came out to his parents to how he moved across the country. He told me he had never revealed those things to anyone before.
45. On The Downlowman in black suit driving car during daytimePhoto by Chethan KVS on Unsplash
I picked up two dudes. They were talking about how they were going to keep hiding their relationship from their wives and children. Pretty messed up stuff.
46. The Snitchyellow Taxi light signPhoto by Waldemar on Unsplash
I got in a taxi around 15 years ago with my best mate and we were so tipsy. We were having a laugh with the driver and we told him so many secrets: who we were dating, the mischief we'd got up to in the clubs, the stuff we did at work, etc. Nothing bad, just silly 18-year-old shenanigans. The driver was so chatty and kept encouraging us. We had no clue what was happening until it was too late.
When we got out of his car and paid him, he was like: "Do you know so and so?" Eh, yeah we did. We worked with this woman, and it turned out, she was his sister. He told her everything! We were mortified. I never told a taxi driver another secret again.
47. Saving The Bossman in blue crew neck t-shirt smilingPhoto by Bruno Rodrigues on Unsplash
I drove two medical professionals once. One of them talked to his colleague about a time when he was "kindly kidnapped" out of the hospital by two guys. They took him to a mansion outside the city and asked him to examine the heart condition of a man who seemed to be a local mafia boss. They somehow provided him with all the tools he needed and made him operate the boss.
When they finally let him go, they paid him with a big sum of cash, saying they would contact him again if they required him for anything else. He said it was one of the scariest yet most interesting experiences in his life.
48. Psycho In The Seatman in white dress shirt driving car during daytimePhoto by Lee Blanchflower on Unsplash
A passenger basically showed me the apartment where his wife was cheating on him. He then proceeded to explain how he was going to end her with a .44 magnum pistol. "Do you know what a .44 magnum pistol does to a woman's face?" he asked me. That's when I started to get really creeped out. He told me that he knew that I must think that he was really sick and started laughing.
49. Grave Diggerthe back of a van with flowers in the trunkPhoto by The Good Funeral Guide on Unsplash
A woman was in my backseat crying on the phone to her brother about her addicted daughter. From what I could hear, she was on her way home because her daughter had thrown their family safe down a flight of stairs in an attempt to open it and take the money inside it. But that's not even the worst part—her daughter had also stolen her grandmother's diamond bracelet...from her coffin.
50. Stork Deliverywomen's white dressPhoto by Devon Divine on Unsplash
I used to drive for Uber in Ottawa. A woman had dinner with her best friend and got in the passenger side first. Their conversation went something like this: "I'm pregnant but I haven't told him yet. Of course, I want him to be the first to know." "After me?" "Oh my God! That's right, you're the first I've told. I'm totally freaking out right now." "It's cool. No big deal."
Anyway, five minutes later, they started joking about it with me. She asked me what my name was and I told her it was Andrew. She said: "It was between that and Andrew for the middle name. This is a sign!" I responded, "What if it's a girl?" and she said, "She'll be one of those cool chicks with a male middle name like Michael Burnham." Sweetest conversation of my life.
While there is still a lot that we don't know, like how to cure cancer and other illnesses, it's undeniable that modern medicine has come a long way.
So much so, there are many illnesses people get today that likely would have killed them without modern medical attention, antibiotics, and perhaps even surgery.
Redditor Inhalegoods**t asked:
"If it wasn't for modern medicine, what [would have] killed you?"
"Pneumonia and Bronchitis."
"Me too at five years old. I was hospitalized for days."
"I was born eight weeks early in 1973. I weighed three pounds. I'm lucky to be here."
Anaphylaxis with Milk
"I was born with something nobody really knows about because it’s really rare. It’s called Galactosemia, and it’s basically like being lactose intolerant, but it’s worse."
"If I had milk, I could die. When I was born, they didn’t know I had it, so my mom gave me milk just like a normal baby, and I threw up and started to become unconscious."
"My mom did CPR on me three times, and I spent weeks in the hospital as a newborn just to recover from a single sip of milk."
Guillian Barre Syndrome
"Guillian Barre Syndrome."
"My immune system turned against my nervous system. Think of your nerves as wires; mine got stripped of the myelin, which is like the insulation."
"Six weeks in the hospital and four years later, walking is difficult with zero feeling in my feet."
"My doctors and people I’ve talked to say they are mostly better after a couple of weeks. I spent that much time just having a nurse clean my bedpan."
"Diabetic coma at the age of seven."
"That’s how my son would’ve gone at the age of three… but don’t worry, we’ve been 10 years from a cure for almost 50 years…"
Wisdom Tooth Troubles
"My wisdom tooth came in, got infected, and the infection was spreading towards my brain."
"It's actually really amazing that your teeth and gums can affect both your brain and heart. I'm 23 and only recently learned this."
"I've told my son that when I was his age, getting AIDS literally meant that you were going to die soon."
"It seems as far back to him as Polio wards seemed to me."
"I was driving down the freeway and a bee flew in through the window, directly into my neck, immediately driving its stinger into my neck. I’m extremely allergic to all bees, wasps, and hornets."
"I was in between towns. I was 20 to 30 mins from the town and last hospital where I came from and at least 30 minutes from the next town and hospital. I immediately started to swell where it hit me, and within seconds I was barely able to breathe."
"I managed to pull over on a turnout and suddenly recalled I luckily had my friend's extra Epi-pen in the glove box he had left behind. I jammed it into my knee and injected it. I passed out and woke up minutes later, heart racing like crazy, but breathing again."
"I wouldn't have ever even been born because my mother would've died in childbirth with my brother."
"Same for me, my mom had to have both my sister and myself removed as she couldn't give birth the traditional way."
Hit By a Car
"Getting run over, three times, in the same year."
"I'm usually not one for victim blaming, but three times within a year? You gotta be more careful of the traffic, man."
"Getting run over three times over your entire lifetime is way too many times."
"Twice would be too many."
Basic Eyesight Needs
"Honestly, probably just the fact that I can't see more than a foot in front of my face."
"Shut. Up. My glasses broke two days ago. My repair kit should be here from Amazon tomorrow."
"Update: I CAN SEE I CAN SEE. ALL FIXED PRAISE GOD HALLELUJAH I CAN SEE. Praise Amazon too, I guess."
"If you can afford it, I would highly recommend a second pair of dirt cheap glasses. I used to wear glasses years ago and oh man, did that second pair save me so many times."
"A bacterial infection, for sure."
"I got a skin infection in a small cut, cellulitis. I thought the swelling and itching was just a bug bite because I’m moderately allergic. Without IV antibiotics in the ER, I would have gone septic and died within a few hours after realizing something was actually wrong."
"Childhood ear infections."
"This is a good one. I used to get them almost monthly, then mysteriously stopped after seven or eight years of being constantly ill."
"Probably asthma. If not, then breast cancer would've for sure."
"I wouldn't have made it to my fifth birthday due to asthma without modern medicine. Even still, the priest at the Catholic hospital I was in wanted to perform last rights on me due to the severity of one of my attacks. My mom refused them and I pulled through."
"By the time I hit puberty, I had outgrown it, and it's all just a hazy memory."
"As to breast cancer, my grandmother beat it twice and lived to 91 and died of completely unrelated natural causes thanks to modern medicine. I wish the same for you!"
Solved by Gatorade
"Most people back in the day died from diarrhea alone because it would f**k up the inside of their intestines and ruin their water retention, i.e. you dehydrate faster and easier and can't drink enough to fix it, which gives lighter diseases like the flu a chance to go for the kill."
"The funniest thing about the disease is the fact that it ravaged human populations for eons, and the solution is fundamentally Gatorade. It was comprised of readily-available resources we always had access to, but it wasn't until relatively recently that we had a strong enough understanding of nutrition, the human body, and medicine to realize we could literally just slap some flavored saltwater and electrolytes together and help somebody."
Modern medicine clearly has come a long way and millions of people over time, but it will be interesting to see how much more we can say has been saved in the next ten years.
Food poisoning can hit you at any time and no one's immune.
All it takes is one horrific experience for you to swear off certain types of dishes, cuisine, or restaurants for good–even if you craved them before.
Even the foods you prepare in your own kitchen and consume can give you a night spent on the bathroom floor due to casual negligence like failing to inspect the expiration date on packaged foods or undercooking meat.
Strangers shared their microbe-attack experiences after Redditor Plastickfantastick asked:
"What’s that food that gave you food poisoning?"
Warning: these examples are extremely graphic. Do not read before eating if you have a weak stomach.
These Redditors never thought twice about what they were eating before realizing they were about to have a bad food encounter.
Bad Diner Chicken
"Fried chicken from a Kmart diner back in ‘97. Got it before a shift at my job, an hour later, explosive vomiting and diarrhea at my job . Those poor bastards."
History Of Digestive Violence
"Improperly cooked and/or poorly sourced shrimp, in a Thai dish I usually love from our go-to takeout place. Last week. Minor case. Seattle."
"E. coli lettuce. 2005. Not as minor. San Mateo."
"Orange Julius. 1988. Required a trip to the ER. One night in the hospital. Prior to, I had no idea the human body could emit liquids with such sustained force and in such quantities. Great Falls, Montana."
"Egg salad sandwich from a truck stop. Ended up getting worms who transformed my body into a stronger person. But then my friends shrunk themselves down and got rid of them…"
Red flags were missed here.
Hardly Boiled Egg
"I ate a questionable hard boiled egg and barfed so hard I slipped a disc in my back and couldn't walk for over a month. Eventually I had been away from my sh**ty retail job for so long, I had a full on meltdown at the thought of going back. I quit and got a way better job with more freedom, less stress, and decent pay for how little I work. It's awesome. That stupid egg changed my whole damn life."
Barely Frozen Pizza
"Frozen pizza that hadn't stayed frozen the entire time. My grocery store, that I no longer patronize, is very cheap and runs their freezers a bit too warm and has no problem tossing thawed or expired things back on the shelf."
"This pizza had odd ice crystals inside the plastic pouch that I had never seen before, that should have been the tip-off, but I baked the thing and it seemed fine before and after, like no discoloration or smell."
"But that thing came out both ends at around 2AM I barely made it to the bathroom."
"Coconut shrimp from a Chinese place by my old place. Every time I went to that place, I got sick. Started going there to take a sick day. Still kept eating those tasty shrimps and getting sick."
"9/10, would eat those tasty little bastards again."
Some were able to make it to the bathroom amidst their bowel distress.
Others, unfortunately, didn't.
Have It Your Way
"me, my wife and 3 kids all fighting for one toilet."
"it's always burger king man 😭"
"one time I had a horrible ear infection and after I ate burger king i somehow ended up with a stomach infection as well."
"like what the F'K burger king. the smell of a womper gives me anxiety now lmao."
"It wasn’t food poisoning, but it was a bad time. We had gone about an hour away to a nice restaurant, and I knew the salad dressing wasn’t right- I even asked about it. They said it was fine, but not 20 minutes out, I had a problem. I have never before in my life felt like I was going to have no choice in the matter as to what was about to pass through my lowest sphincter. I pointed at a lone Walgreens that I knew was going to be my only choice at all between the points, and my husband stopped. I believe I uttered, 'Bathroom.'"
"It was almost closing, and I said nothing more as I left the car. I beelined to the bathroom and proceeded to experience my bowels expelling so much product with so much fluid I’m pretty sure I passed things I only thought about eating or drinking. I passed things my husband ate. I passed things I ate in other lives, in other realms, in other existences. For a brief moment, I defied physics and created matter from nothing. Every video I ever saw of oil being drained from cars, pipes being cleared of muck, and farmers towing old tires through backed up culverts flashed before my eyes. I had to flush out of fear of the pile getting too big. I was literally laughing at myself, which I am certain the kind workers vacuuming the hallway could hear- along with my underwater bassoon solo- as they patiently waited for me to leave, so they could close."
"It was probably 10:20 when I left that bathroom with as much pride as I could muster, patting the sweat off my brow as that smell followed me to the front of the store. Everyone avoided me, but watched from a distance with what I like to think was some sort of awe. I walked out, hearing the lock thrown behind me with speed and agility never before seen from a chain pharmacy employee, and briefly wondered if they thought that through- the door was the best way to remove the smell. I suppose having had twenty minutes to discuss it, they considered it more valuable to remove the creator of the smell than the smell itself. But I digress."
"I walked over to the car, my husband in the drivers seat, no real clue what was going on other than a 30 minute bathroom break. I opened the door, gracefully (but maybe slightly gingerly) got into the car, looked him in his concerned eyes, took his hands, and calmly said, 'Well, we can never go back there again.'"
Rumbly In My Tumbly
"Not necessarily food poisoning, but I ate a pressed Cuban sandwich one time that ended up making me leave my underwear and shorts on a dirt road somewhere in Florida."
"Felt a rumbly in my tumbly while driving from Tampa to Destin and next thing you know I just sh*t all over myself. Thank god I happened to have a change of clothes."
Unpleasant Drive Home
"French Dip from Perkins in Blytheville, Arkansas around 2002."
"Was in town from 3 hours away for a job. Did job, grabbed lunch at Perkins."
"Started driving home. Mind you, there’s nothing but farms between Blytheville and home. Hour into the drive I’m sweating and not feeling great. Chalk it up to Arkansas heat and my sh**ty car’s sh**tier air conditioning."
"Feel a fart coming. Feels like a doozy, so being a man in my mid-20’s i give it some back pressure for bigger sound for a laugh."
"….annnnd i force-fed my pants a liter of liquid feces and had to sit in it for the remaining hot, humid 2 hours home."
"(Bonus: car was stick shift, so got to slosh my shame around every time i used the clutch)"
After prom, I suggested my group of friends to go to a fancy Beverly Hills restaurant for some prime rib, and they were all in.
I was the only one who chose creamed spinach as a side while everyone else had mashed potatoes. I should've gone with the majority.
Something about my creamed spinach didn't taste right, but I figured a fancy restaurant could never serve up poor quality dishes.
I could've had a stomach flu, perhaps. When I got home after dinner, I immediately bee-lined over to the bathroom and projectile-vomited my fancy meal.
The worst part was when my older brother woke up from the sounds coming from the bathroom late at night and scolded me for underage-drinking when I had not been doing that.
Geez, kick a man while he's down.
Anyway, it was a great prom. The dinner, not-so-much.