JOIN
OUR EMAIL LIST!

There's a reason you have the right to an attorney. But there's also a reason you have the right to remain silent. Make good use of both.

via GIPHY

This piece is based on an AskReddit thread. Link on the last page.


1. Your boss sending you to a drug test after he walked in on you snorting cocaine off your desk does not qualify as entrapment. You can't sue him.

-Fritts336

2. I recently had a call from a guy who found out that Long John Silver's was microwaving his baked shrimp combo. He wanted to eat there for every meal for a year and then sue them for false advertising.

He changed his mind when I suggested that he would probably die of a heart attack before reaching his one year goal.

-suitandtieflyguy

3. I once had to explain to a client that he could, in fact, fire an employee for (1) stealing significant sums of money from the safe, (2) pulling a gun on a co-worker who questioned these activities, and (3) waving said gun in a customer's face moments later, all of which were on camera.

-WrigleyJohnson

4. This guy killed several people with a baseball bat and wanted his sentence mitigated because he had PTSD. He claimed he had PTSD from experiencing the murder he committed. The court had to explain to him that a mental issue acquired while committing a crime cannot mitigate the crime you committed.

-TheJollyGreenJesus

5. The plaintiff's lawyer had to explain to her that it wasn't a slip and fall if she brought the baby oil with her in a squeeze bottle and applied it to the floor herself. The woman then began to act like she didn't speak or understand English after. It was bizarre.

-YerMomsASherpa

6. In my state we have this thing called Victim's Compensation.

An oversimplification of how it works goes as follows: If you are the victim of a crime, and suffer some form of injury (e.g. psychological, physical, etc.) you can apply for a payment from state funds. If you are the perpetrator of one of those crimes (e.g. an assault, robbery, pedophilia, etc.) an order can be made for you to pay the state back an amount relating to that victim's compensation.

I had a client who felt the process of being convicted for assaulting his relatives, and having to pay victims compensation back to the state was arduous... and therefore, he should be receiving victim's compensation from the state.

... So that was fun to explain.

-austrayya

7. A client came in and said "Someone has been robbing my checks for 15 years." Huh? He then showed me his paperwork. (continued...)


Keep reading on the next page!

When I say paperwork, I mean crinkled, folded, balled up, garbage that I needed to decipher. When I got to his "checks" (pay stubs) I said, "You have checks - you get paid. No one is robbing you."

He bluntly said "Someone named Stu is taking money out of my checks. I want to sue him."

Stu?

I look deeper and see nothing about he is talking about. Then, on one pay stub I see "Deduction - SCU." It dawned on me immediately.

I said "that's not Stu -it's an abbreviation for Support Collection Unit. They take money for child support."

He looked at me blankly and said, "Child support? I ain't got a child."

via GIPHY

As I started to ask my next question, he said "I had a child. But that was a long time ago. Like 10 years."

I said, "You have a ten year old child?"

"Yes."

"In NY, you have to pay for them until their out of college. 22 years."

He was flabbergasted. More because he couldn't sue Stu than anything else.

-_TheConsumer_

8. I tried to explain to the client why he needed to fill out the intake questionnaire. I was explaining that I need information such as their name, address and date of birth in order to draft paperwork. Their response:

"Why do I have to do this!? What did I even hire you for!? You're useless! If I have to do all this work I might as well represent myself." They were super pissed and stomped out the front door.

Sorry, I don't magically know your date of birth. The questionnaire is about 2 or 3 pages long and also requires other information such as previous names, Social Security Number, children's names, etc.

-Blulita

9. Bankruptcy attorney here. If you know you're coming to my office to file bankruptcy, do not make major financial decisions before you talk to me. You want examples? (continue...)


Keep reading on the next page!

Don't cash out your 401k. Don't your family members the money you 'owe them'. Don't buy a car with no intention of paying off the loan.

The court allows you to discharge your debt and the only thing they ask is for you to be honest and not sneaky about it. You gotta respect the process.

-Lokismoke

10. I'm an estate attorney. A couple things:

There is no reading of the will! At no point will you and all your relatives be called to my office to sit and watch a video or have me tell you how it's going to go. (Unless you want to pay me $500 in which case I'll gladly use my reading skills to read aloud the will that you've brought to my office.)

Contrary to what you might think I do not, in fact, have a copy of Grandma's will. I did not write it and you don't know if she had one. You have to dig through Grandma's hoarder house, or again at $350/hour I'll do it for you.

Tupperware is not worth fighting over. I'll take your money and laugh all the way to the bank.

via GIPHY

Your brother didn't "steal" your mother's things. He moved her in with him when your dad died because you live 3 states away.

The stuff that was in his house is not now "half yours" because your mom lived there. It was his and it's still his. You are not entitled to his flatscreen because "mom used it and you have a sentimental attachment."

-plus_dun_nombre

11. I represented a client charged with having sex with a 17-year-old. He had a large number of...'explanations' for the various evidence in his case that I had to explain would not be a good idea to testify to or argue to the jury. (continued...)


Keep reading on the next page!

The KY Jelly you purchased with the teenager at WalMart was not for applying to an undiagnosed skin condition on your chest.

The hundreds of pages of internet chat logs prior to traveling hundreds of miles to meet the teenage, consisting of repeated explicit sexual overtures, emotional manipulation, lies about your age and wealth, and specific plans for how you would remove him from his parents home were not "meaningless banter."

The fact that you had an active prescription for Viagra does not mean you are "asexual."

The semen matching your DNA did not find its way onto the body of this teenager because of your medical condition that results in "leakage" and the fact that when you are staying in a hotel room, you do not lift the toilet seat when you urinate, which must have resulted in in the material being deposited on the seat and transferred to the teenager when he sat on the seat.

You were not the victim, taken advantage of by the hypersexual teenager for whom you were you merely trying to provide innocent "emotional support"

I had to explain all of these things (and others) many times. I'm not sure he ever actually believed any of them.

-CyanideNow

12. I once had to explain what a maiden name was.

via GIPHY

-Blulita

13. I had a client who thought he won a $20 million European super lottery from that he had never actually entered. (continued...)


Keep reading on the next page!

I tried to explain that it was a good thing that his family, bank and church wouldn't lend him the $2000 the e-mail said they needed to verify his identity (on top of the several hundred he'd already sent them) and that yes, his priest was right it was a scam.

-adingostolemytoast

14. A lawyer can't out-and-out lie. You cant tell your lawyer "yeah I burned his house down and pissed on the ashes" and then expect them to say you were two states away...

via GIPHY

-paperconservation101

15. I often have to explain to my clients that they have to pay me. This is more common than you'd think. For some reason, some people think lawyers are like their personal spiritual guides or fairy godmother.

-dlawoff

16. "I never agreed to be a United States citizen, so I don't have to obey the law." Yeah, about that...

-HotCosmicLove

17. When I was a legal intern at a criminal defender's law office, we had a client who was charged with murder. We explained to the client not to make any phone calls saying anything incriminating because it will be recorded.

Where prisoners can use the phone there is a GIANT SIGN that says "PHONE CALLS WILL BE RECORDED". On top of that, before you are able to call out, there is an automated recording that tells you that all calls are being recorded and monitored (unless it is to your attorney, which are covered by privilege).

Nevertheless, the client made a call to his girlfriend that evening asking her to hide the gun. Idiot.

-sidekick_sofi

Keep reading on the next page!

18. Don't signal to the judge you need to use the restroom during your trial by making eye contact and vigorously nodding while urgently pointing at your crotch. you should tell your lawyer and let her take care of it. You should definitely not make a "break" for the door...

-CyanideNow

19. I had to explain to a client why their ex-husband could travel with their child to Florida without obtaining a passport. As in, I had to tell them that Florida was part of the United States.

-lawyerejb

20. A client called me this past memorial day and I asked why she was calling me on a holiday, she replied that she didn't think Jews celebrated Memorial day. Never thought that I would have to explain that to anyone.

Yes I am Jewish; no I never told her I was Jewish.

Given that the courts were closed and her case was a paternity and child support matter, I thought it had to be quite the emergency. It was not. She just wanted to ask whether the suspected father was required to take the DNA test ordered by the court. I then had to explain what paternity meant.

-sethschraier

21. I was contacted by a couple who had paid for a trip to see the midnight sun in Northern Norway. They wanted to sue the travel agency when they found out it was the same sun as always.

I had to explain that there's only a single sun, and that they can't sue a travel agency for selling a midnight sun trip.

-robertfp

22. It doesn't matter if you were sober or not. You jumped out of a third story window with a beer bottle and threw it at a cop. The jury is going to think you were drunk. Also, I think you were drunk.

via GIPHY

-Quackattackaggie

(Source)

Image by Foundry Co from Pixabay

Now that college has become a standard requirement for so many jobs and careers, there is a massive push by high schools to get their graduating students accepted and enrolled at an undergraduate college.

On the whole, that's undoubtedly a great thing. A more educated workforce will be prepared to solve the most complex issues facing human beings in the next several decades.

Keep reading... Show less
Image by Gianni Crestani from Pixabay

*The following article contains discussion of suicide/self-harm.

The person on the other end of a 911 call has a truly remarkable job.

For those who don't play that professional role, we hope to never encounter the 911 call interaction. But if we do find ourselves making that call, the moment is an anomaly in our lives.

The chaos, the panic, the racing heart, and the desperation are all emotions we, ideally, don't experience on a regular basis.

But for the operator on the other end, our call is one in a long line of calls they've received all day, and all the workdays before that one.

It's difficult to imagine being embedded in those uniquely urgent, emergency moments all the time.

Some Redditors who are on the other end of that call shared their experiences on the job.

WhimsicalxxButcher asked, "911 dispatchers what has been your most creepy/unnerving call?"

For a few, the most unnerving moments were the calm callers.

There was something just so eerie about how level-headed the faceless human being on the other end could be through such a desperate, tragic moment.

Almost Clinical 

"I had a friend who worked as a 911 dispatcher and he always said the worst call he ever had was a ~20 year old kid who committed suicide by mixing a bunch of chemicals together in his car to produce hydrogen sulfide gas."

"He said that the most unnerving part was hearing him calmly listing off the chemicals, the type of gas produced, and the effects of hydrogen sulfide on the body (namely the almost instant death it causes at high concentrations)."

"He ended the call by providing the address of the parking lot he was in and saying that nobody should approach the vehicle without hazmat equipment."

"Apparently after that there was a whooshing sound as he dumped the last chemical into the mix, and then the line went dead silent aside for a quiet fizzing noise."

"I know that call screwed him up because he almost never talks about stuff that happens to him on the job. He quit a few months later to go into construction management, and frankly I can't blame him."

-- iunoyou

Planned Out 

"A woman called me, saying she was going to kill herself. She was gassing herself. Gave me her name & address then said she was just going to lie down and 'go to sleep.' And stopped responding to me."

"I kept the line open, trying to get her to speak to me, and eventually heard officers forcing their way in to find her body. I guess she just wanted someone to find her body."

-- mozgw4

Before It Set In 

"When I got a call from a 6 year old who got home from school and laid down to take a nap with his dad. His dad never woke up."

"The kid was so calm when calling it broke my heart."

"I ended up leaving dispatch shortly after. I was good at compartmentalizing the job for the year I was doing it, but it would've broken me in the long run."

-- tasha7712

Other 911 operators were unfortunate enough to receive a call from the very last person they wanted to hear from: a loved one.

These dispatchers' unique position gave them the unexpected access to a family member or friend at their most dire moments.

No More of That 

"My family member is a long time first responder, and 'retired' into doing dispatch. He heard the address (someone else was taking the call) and realized it was his daughter's house."

"He rushed over there just in time to see them wheeling her body out. Overdose."

"Five months later, he was called to his ex-wife's place because his grandson (son of the daughter who recently passed) had his door locked, lights on, but wasn't responding to his grandma."

"He broke the door down and found him deceased in bed. Overdose."

"He's very stoic after years of all sorts of traumatic situations but my heart hurts whenever I think of what all of this must have felt like. Like sand through your fingers."

-- bitchyhouseplant

Knowing the Address

"Not me, but my grandma. I was sitting in the dispatch office, (very small one only 2 dispatchers including my grandma) but she put out a dispatch that there was a gun shot from my best friends address."

"My heart sank to my stomach and broke later that day. He committed suicide."

-- OntaiSenpuu

When it Happened 

"My uncle passing away. Worked as a small town dispatcher for a year or so. Had a bunch of messed up stuff happen on shift, but this call came in in the still hours of the night. Small town, so not many calls after midnight."

"I answered and recognized the name and address on caller id. Aunt was in a frenzy so didn't recognize my voice. I remained calm and got ems and fire rolling to them, but by my aunt's own words he was already blue."

"I went thru debriefing and mandated therapy for a couple other things that happened, but never really talked to anyone about this. I just try not to think about it."

"That was the call I figured out I needed to find a different job."

-- dangitjon

Finally, some simply had a front row seat to sudden tragedy.

These operators were flies on the wall when disaster struck. They never asked to witness what they witnessed, but sometimes that came with the territory.

A Holiday Tragedy 

"My mom is a 911 dispatcher. Early on she said one Christmas Eve while working she got a call from an elderly lady who's husband had just collapsed(and died) from a heart attack and in the background Alvin and the Chipmunks Christmas music was playing on blast."

"The lady was screaming and crying and begging for her husband to wake up but my mom could hear his gurgling in his last breathes. She doesn't listen to or watch Alvin and the chipmunks since."

-- Blueflowerbluehair

What is it About Christmas?

"Christmas night. 911 call with crying child on the other end. A neighbor had run her car over her mom during a domestic."

"The mom crawled to the porch bleeding and the child saw the car coming back. I had her hide quietly in a closet with the cordless phone."

"The 10 year old child was crying and screamed that she hated Christmas. She was afraid of the police when they got there."

"I kept her on the phone until she felt safe enough to give the phone to an officer. I almost fainted after that call was over. Had nightmares for a while."

-- 2FunBoofer

Close to Home 

"Not a dispatcher but I handle radio communications for the Coast Guard. One night I was on the radio and got a call from an 11 year old kid whose boat had started to sink. He was out with his dad and 6 year old brother."

"They had been hit by another boat and his father got knocked unconscious. I remember the entire conversation up until the radio had gone underwater."

"They ended up finding his dad floating on his back alive but the two boys didn't make it. That one really fu**ed with me because my two littlest brothers were around the same age as the youngest."

-- HIRSH2243

A Horrible Clock 

"Another one that stays with me was the man who called in. It was the anniversary of his adult son having hanged himself. He'd now come home to find his wife had done the same."

"That date is always going to be a black day for him."

-- mozgw4


If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).

To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/

Again, we hope you never have to use the 911 call in your life. Nobody wants to be involved in a sudden emergency or a tragic incident.

But hopefully, if you do, an operator like one of these thoughtful, sensitive Redditors is on the other end.

Image by Nguyen Dinh Lich from Pixabay

When I was moving on from middle school to high school my parents had me tested for the "gifted" program. By some miracle I passed and was accepted. And then I turned it down. Everyone was irritated. "This will pave the way for any college you want! You'll learn so much!" his path will set you up for life!" Every adult tried valiantly to sell me this merchandise but in my gut I just wasn't buying it. So I "settled" a level below, merely advanced classes. And upon reflection... it was the best choice I ever made.

Redditor u/dauntlessdaisy was wondering how far some in life got by asking... For those of you who were considered "gifted" in school, what are you doing with your life now?
Keep reading... Show less
Image by Markus Spiske from Pixabay

There's a million things that can happen to you while out on on the road.

Keep reading... Show less