Romantic relationships have evolved considerably over the course of time.
Today, more and more couples who are otherwise committed to one another, in marriage or in word, have "open" relationships, where they are permitted to see other people on the side.
Also, many people are open about being in polyamorous relationships, where they might be equally committed and loving to more than one person.
Which isn't to say, however, that monogamous relationships are a thing of the past.
As many people continue to commit, body and soul, to one person and one person only.
And should one half of that couple break that commitment, it could be the effective end of that relationship.
Redditor bbananasplit was curious to hear whether, in this progressive age, people in monogamous couples would end their relationship over infidelity, leading them to ask:
"Monogamous Redditors: is infidelity an automatic break-up for you? why?"
Yes: What Else Are They Hiding?
"My ex-wife and high school sweetheart cheated after 3 years of marriage."
"My thoughts were summed up best by Nietzsche:"
"'I'm not upset that you lied to me'."
"I'm upset that from now on, I can't believe you'."- link_up_luke
Yes: We Had An Agreement
"If you’ve agreed on monogamy and someone cheats, it’s a violation of trust and without trust in a relationship, you have nothing."
"My relationship motto is, 'if you can be stolen, they can have you'.”- MermaidandtheKraken
Yes: I Deserve Better
"Yes, is a violation of trust, and shows lack of love and respect."- Ketosheep
"It’s a massive violation of trust and complete destruction of the idea of mutual respect."- razzledazzle626
Yes: You Never Recover From The Betrayal
"Yeah, the jealousy fades fairly quick but it's the breach of trust that gets to you."
"I was able to piece together a string of lies leading back months, finding out two different friend groups knew two different stories, etc."
"After that it's hard to even look at the person without seeing a sociopath."- Thatsaclevername
"I've been cheated on, and the pain of the betrayal is the harshest I've ever felt."
"It's completely destroyed my ability to trust anyone."- otter_dragon
Yes: They Know What They're Doing
"Cheating isn’t an accident."
"It’s a choice."
"It takes effort."
"I’d never be able to trust my partner again even if I wanted to."- A_Salty_Moon
Yes: Fidelity Is A Two Way Street
"It might take me a bit to really accept it, but I refuse to give my loyalty to someone who doesn't return it."- Trashsodaz
Yes: It Only Gets Worse
"I let it happen twice."
"We broke up the second time."
"She begged me back after 4 months and 6 months later she’s being devious and shady."
"I’ll never be able to trust her."
"I wouldn’t let it happen again."
"It’s the worst feeling imaginable."- Myke_Dubs
Yes: There's Nothing Worse
"It couldn't ever go back to being a nice, loving, trusting relationship again."
"I'd be way too paranoid and ultimately, what's the point in trying to force it?"
"Cheating is the ultimate betrayal, it's a no go for me."- bigf*ckingdiamond
If people agree on an open, non-monogamous relationship, that is their decision and not for us to judge.
But people who enter into a monogamous relationship have made an agreement to commit to one another, and no one else.
And when people can't keep one agreement, it becomes hard not to wonder what other agreements they might have broken as well.
I've always been told... NEVER SETTLE!
But settling can work out.
You never know.
So what really happened when people settled?
"People who married their 'better than nothing' option, how’s your marriage going?"
"My wife said 'so far so good' but it's only been 35 years so there is still time for change if needed."
Netman-black and white love GIFGiphy
"I feel like we may have both settled because we had a child together, but 22 years in and he’s a better partner than I could have ever dreamed."
"Definitely everything up to the ‘but’ with my wife, things have been good at best and poor recently. Living together before helped some, but damn I underestimated or was decidedly oblivious to the necessity of having a similar level of intelligence, even more so than common ground, for long-term happiness."
Give it a shot...
"A coworker got married to their 'better than nothing' six or seven years ago. It was one of those things where both people settled since they were getting older and I guess they figured they'd give it a shot. They went from single to married in eight months."
"Apparently as time went on it only got better for them."
"They both started actively trying to better themselves (seeing therapists, picking up healthy solo hobbies) and learned how to best communicate with each other over that time. They're both in their early 50s now and they act like a happy younger couple whenever we're at work events. It's kinda cool to see."
"Pretty mundane but I wanted to share one that I know that worked out."
"So my marriage is not 'better than nothing,' but I was also never obsessed with my wife the way I have been obsessed with a new person before. Part of the reason I was willing to marry her was because we communicated well, worked with each other to improve each other's lives, and we generally enjoy many of the same things while still retaining who we are individually. The biggest thing is that we both felt physically and emotionally safe with each other."
"I am now obsessed. I love my wife more than I have ever loved anyone."
knocking my socks off...
"I think the way you worded this implies that the relationship was shi**y to begin with. I married someone I considered kind of a settle at first. I hadn't had a relationship in over a year and met a girl at a bar and thought, 'she's pretty enough and I like being around her.'"In Love Hearts GIF by SpongeBob SquarePantsGiphy
"The thing is, we grew together and I have a very successful and happy marriage despite her not initially knocking my socks off. I think I fit your comments intent but I'm not sure because at no point in our relationship was it so bad I didn't want to be in the relationship anymore."
"I guess what I'm saying is if my story matches your intent, then it can work out. If you meant marrying into a toxic relationship, I don't think you're going to get many success stories."
So the end can be different from the beginning. Good to know.
It was devastating...
"I think I am the better than nothing spouse. About a month ago I found out. It was devastating."Sad Rabbit GIF by Muffin & NutsGiphy
"For 17 years she settled for me despite not truly loving me. Life was hard but we had each other or so I thought. The moment we talked about how bad things got she asked for a divorce and I lost my best friend and sole person who I felt I trusted enough to talk to. I move out tomorrow to rebuild my life."
The Turning Point
"I don't know if this is exactly what you're after, but my husband and I got together as single parents. When you do that, you're choosing as much for the kids as for you. You actually don't know what kind of couple you are on your own. And when the kids grew up, after over a decade together, we had to figure that out for the first time."
"It started out good for maybe the first 4-5 years, then went really rocky in the kid's teens. Turns out as they needed us less, we really didn't have enough common ground in a lot of ways - in particular, I had emotional and emotional-labour needs that weren't being met."
"We discussed divorce several times, but at our peak crisis point, decided to work on it because one of our kids had just had a bereavement (death of the other parent). And honestly, it still wasn't working that well and maybe still would have ended in divorce, but then I had a terrible work situation that lasted a year, and he really stepped up."
"That was the turning point. I was able to let go of my resentments about all the times I'd carried us, because at some point he'd done enough that I didn't feel baited-and-switched anymore. Then the kids grew up and we had to learn to be a couple on our own together."
"That took time, but we'd sort of grown and changed into a better match by then. We're really solid now, have been for probably the last five years or so. But it's been a team endeavour to get it that way and keep it there, it's not something that just happens."
Love & Loss
"Was married for 10yrs, got 2 kids out of it and some of the happiest years of my life. We both pretty much settled for each other. Eventually both concluded that we just weren't right for each other and cut it off but I don't have any regrets about it. Without her I definitely would have been one of the people out there that are forever alone. So I definitely would agree with the 'better to have loved and lost' saying."
Option in my 30's
"I married my 'better than nothing' option in my 30s. We both understood what we had waited for and committed ourselves fully to the marriage. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I had married my 'preferred option' and I realize that the love I feel from the person I married is so much better than the 'preferred option' would have been."
"I never did convince the preferred option to date me, while the woman I'm married to now found me easy to love. In other words, my romantic self is an idiot and my better than nothing was actually better than everything."
"My parents got married because they were considered old in their church (they were 26 and 24…) and they both wanted kids. My mom told me that is was the practical thing to do, haha! Luckily they hit it off, and though it took a lot of time and work, they are annoyingly in love and have been married for 42 years next month."
Islanduniversein love kiss GIFGiphy
So good enough can turn into the perfect choice.
Good to know...
When I was seven-years-old, I decided to use my allowance to buy one of those disposable cameras. It was less than $10, and my life was never the same!
Since I was so young, I wasn’t allowed to use my dad’s Nikon, in case I dropped it, so I never understood the joy he got from taking pictures until I got my own camera. Once I took my first photograph, I never stopped.
Now, I’m the one who gets pictorial evidence of special events or documents family trips. I’m the one who makes sure memories are preserved, and I love it.
You never know what purchase is going to be life-changing, but chances are, something was. Usually, these life-changing purchases aren’t even that expensive.
Curious about this or perhaps hoping for a recommendation, Redditor stampoutreality asked:
“What life-changing item can you buy for less than a hundred dollars?”
Kept Me In Food
"Rice Cooker.That fucker kept me fed during covid when I barely had the energy to get out of bed"
"Chinese families know this. Got addicted when I married into one. We keep soy sauce, sesame oil, and rice vinegar around for condiments."
For A Good Night's Sleep
"A good pillow"
"Completely changes the way you sleep am I right?"
"I had trouble for months getting good sleep, brought a under pillow and a memory pillow for the top and I swear a nuke could go off and I'd just sleep through it."
"First aid kit. They are handy when you least want them to be."
"My family is very outdoorsy, and my grandpa was a medic in the National Guard. He always stressed having a basic first aid kit wherever you go, and making sure to throw out anything that’s expired. That bag has more mileage than my grandpa’s ‘55 Chevy lol"
"Exactly, you never want to need it but when you keep it handy it turns form a minor inconvenience to have near you to a potential literal lifesaver."
"Yep. My freshman year of college I used lots of band aids on myself and my floor mates, and once had a girl come to my apartment at 2am to splint her broken hand until she could get to the doctor in the morning as she couldn’t go to the ER."
"Ironically I didn’t have it the day I ended up in a serious biking accident and had a nasty head injury. The off duty EMT who found me had a first aid kit with him and did more to actually treat me then the crew that showed up in the ambulance."
Caught It On Camera
"A decent dash cam. I scoffed at the idea of a dashcam for years. A friend told me to try it out and it helped me out when I got in an accident a couple years back."
"I keep thinking about getting a dash cam, but I also have an irrational fear that as soon as I get one I'll really need it like I'm tipping probability somehow."
"Not buying them would be more life changing"
"An even cheaper birth control method is to tell your potential mate how you spend 8 hours a day on reddit. Works every time."
Arthur Said It Best
"A library card--free if you live in the library's district, a fee if you are a non-resident. So many resources for self improvement and growth...and so many free alternatives to paid services."
"Hot tip: Librarians want you to have a card, so they are very often willing to very liberally interpret the requirements to prove that you are in district."
"Having fun isn’t hard, when you’ve got a library card!"
Can We Fix It?
"Basic tool set."
"A little youtube/Google work, a $100 worth of tools and you'd be amazed at the things you can fix on your car, around the house, etc."
"Bonus points if you're a man - chicks dig dudes that are handy"
"Bonus points if you're a woman - dudes dig chicks that can turn wrenches with them"
"people love people who can handle their own sh*t**"
Once You Grind, You Never Go Back
"Pepper grinder. Seriously I will never use regular pepper again"
– Deleted User
"Same goes for coffee!"
"Recently got a salt/pepper grinder set and bulk peppercorn medley and pink Himalayan salt off Amazon and it’s been a great decision. We also buy bulk dried Thai bird chilies and grind our own for spice at home."
Run, Run, Fast As You Can
"Can easily get a quality, long-lasting and versatile pair under 100."
"Running can have such a massive positive effect for anyone struggling with their mental health I can’t recommend it enough."
"Been running a mile a day for the last few months. It may have unnoticed benefits to my mental health outside of the time spent running, but on a conscious level it's brought nothing but misery - whether hating the act of running itself to the tiredness that follows."
"I hope someday to feel the mythical runner's high. So far it feels more like a kick in the gut."
"Every time I date a guy and spend the first night over the next morning I’m always like “we gotta get some black out curtains for this room.” Knew I met the love of my life when he already had them lol"
"I'm going to ask for this for Christmas."
"Here in the UK especially in the north, it can get sunny from about 4AM onwards in summer"
All of these are totally justified, but that last one is definitely the best!
Dating is never easy, and yet, most still do it. But we have to go through a lot of frogs to find our prince or princess.
Dating is also different for everyone. Sometimes, you meet a person you automatically feel a connection with, you go out, and by the end of the night, you know you found your soulmate. Other times, the person does or says something that makes you think, Nope!
Unfortunately, the latter seems to happen more often than not. Redditors certainly agree, as they all gathered to share their stories of first date events or behaviors that were instant deal breakers.
It all started when Redditor 8vv0 asked:
“What’s an automatic deal-breaker on a first date?”
Server Doesn't Mean Servant
"The way someone acts toward servers can tell you a lot about who they really are. I had a boss who insisted on interviewing me at a restaurant and explained that reasoning to me after giving me the offer. As someone who served for years I can tell you he was correct."
"I once went on a blind-ish date and literally all she talked about was the show “sex and the city”. For an hour. Only stopping to berate the waitress over nothing."
"It was bizarre, and kind of fascinating. At a certain point I thought I was on one of those prank tv shows that were popular at the time."
It's All About Me
"Showing no/barely any interest in me personally. Only talking about themselves and not showing interest when I tell about myself."
"100%. When you try to join the 'conversation' & they somehow immediately find a way to use what you say to direct it right back to themselves."
"A dude once took his socks off while we watched a movie and started using his fingernails to dig stuff out from under his toenails."
"I was immediately out."
"Did he at least invite you to join in?? No? Outrageous!"
"Yeah, that's third date shit."
Be Who You Are
"When they're clearly 20 years older than the pictures they used on the dating app"
"That happened to me on one of the very first dates I went on with someone I met online abt 10 years ago. Back then, I didn’t realize that if a dude has one grainy picture of his face and that’s it, he’s hiding something, lol."
"Dude was a cop (bleh), 50+ lbs heavier than his pic and balding, and dumb as fuck. You’re fat and bald, own it dude, don’t pretend to be you from 10 years ago, lol. As soon as he stood up, I thought oh hell no."
"Date was awkward af but dude thought it went so well he could ask for a second one. Nah, bro."
Be There Or Be Square
"Not showing up"
"Look at you with your impossible standards."
"I just imagine some poor guy sitting at a table alone, finishing his meal completely unbothered."
"After paying his check, he looks stone-faced at the vacant chair across from him, and goes off on am 'I don't think this is going to work out' speech."
Don't Tell Me What To Eat!
"Choosing my food for me"
"YES! The only first date I even walked out of was the guy who insisted on ordering for me and refused to believe I don't like avocados (yes, I'm odd, I know!)."
"I was so stunned that I just sat there until the food came, listening to to him talk, then as soon as he insisted I try the food I was not interested in, I left enough cash to cover the check and walked out."
"Edited To Add - I have found my people here! Before this thread I thought I was the only one who didn't like avocados!"
"I remember when I was a teen people used to say that the guy should choose the food for the girl, I always thought that was weird af"
You Must Be Single
"A wedding ring"
"I was talking with this woman who was really up-front about wanting to go out for dinner and dancing with me, but she had a wedding ring. I told her that I have a firm policy against dating married women."
"'But I'm your wife,' she said."
Nothing's Ruder Than This
"If we’re sharing loaded nachos, and they specifically take all the ones with meat and cheese and stuff, leaving you with just chips. I mean justchips."
"Restaurants should have a rule about that."
Ignorance Upon Ignorance
"He completely out of the blue told me he didn’t believe in birth control"
"Went on a first date with a girl that said she couldn't take birth control due to a hormone imbalance and she was allergic to latex. I asked her how she stayed safe and she said 'I'm just really careful'."
"Good Lord, I would've looked like the Road Runner cartoon where he just blasts through a mountain or something and all you see is the silhouette."
Four's A Crowd
"Well about a month ago I made plans to meet up for a date with this girl that I was really getting along with."
"Then AFTER the plans were made she calls me and says 'Oh yeah, I should probably tell you that I'm engaged and my fiancee will be joining us... but it's alright, we have an open relationship and he's bringing his girlfriend too'."
I’ve never realized how lucky I was to not have any first date horror stories!
The internet has proven a hugely advantageous advancement in technology.
Creating not only a world where we can buy just about anything with a single click, but also communicate with others all across the globe with considerable ease.
Something we were all beyond grateful for in March of 2020.
However, the internet can sadly be a dangerous endeavor, particularly the part of the internet known as "the dark web", where one's identity and locations remain anonymous.
Whether people find themselves on the dark web, primarily used for illegal, under the table operations, they often tend to find themselves in dangerous situations.
Some being far more terrifying than others.
Redditor BusinessOnion was curious to hear cases when people found themselves in truly dangerous situations after visiting the dark web, leading them to ask:
Dark Web users of Reddit, was there ever a point in your use that you felt you were genuinely in danger? What happened?
It's Not As Dark As You Might Think...
"I've used the dark web once or twice."
"Scariest thing was when my screen went black for a few moments and turned back on."
"Wasn't anything big, just my display cable f*cking up, but it did give me the creeps."
"As for dark or disturbing sh*t, I've only found a list of random addresses."
"The dark web really has a lot of stigma associated with it."
"For the most part it's just people curious about the dark web or people trying to scam you or sell you drugs."
"You have to do a lot of looking to find the really f*cked up stuff."
"You're more likely to find dark web type crap on Reddit or YouTube than the actual dark web."- SkippyDingleCha1k
A Case For Legalizing It?
"I once bought a bit of weed and I received a blackmail letter threatening me with awful things, like sending CP and calling the police, if I didn't send 1 btc, $1000 at the time."
"I was scared sh*tless but nothing ever happened."
"Always check the reviews before buying anything!"- noddintestudine
"A friend of mine used to use Silkroad on the Darknet when Bitcoin was $10 a pop."
"He placed at least 100 orders through it and never had any issues."
"It's a shame he didn't keep all the Bitcoin he bought because he would have been a millionaire now."- darktone2
Because Of The Billing Address?
"I was trying to buy those super cool laser pointers and I got a random message saying I know where you live."
"I noped out of that site straight away."- ThickCactus85
Being Caught May Have Been Less Dangerous?
"In college some friends and I ordered a 100 sheet of acid, using bitcoin, to our college P.O. Boxes."
"We got pretty terrified when it didn’t arrive when it should’ve."
"We thought it was found by USPS, our own mail service, or the DEA; we were paranoid."
"Turns out they just shipped it later than they said."
"We got our 100 tabs but that was a VERY stressful week and a half for all of us."- dasHeftinn
Important Things To Consider
"Remember that the person you just bought drugs from knows, your address, that you have drugs in your house. There's probably evidence of dark web use in your finances/computer/trash."
"They can rat you out with impunity just because they're feeling malevolent."
"They also could just get caught and be careless with destroying ex customer information, so it hangs over my head to this day."- 8v1hJPaTnVkD7Yf
"Came across a chan style site."
"Every post was about trains."
"Wouldn't say I felt in danger, but i felt so out of the loop that i was missing something that I just got off."- CreekKraken
There's Always A Chance...
"Had a buddy who used to order weed."
"The distributer got busted and the postal service let him know there was a suspicious package for him."
"He could either pick it up or it would be destroyed."- tha_t0dd
You Can't Trust Anyone...
"My friends and i were once ordering some green off the dark web."
"On the way, we saw a dude selling cyanide."
"Don't ask me how I got it."
"Don't tell me what you'll use it for."
"Violation of either condition will void the sale."- bluejaywhey
You might want to stop and think when you go on the internet to illegally buy something with hopes of not getting caught if what you're doing is a good idea.
After all, Black Mirror uses our current reality as its biggest source of inspiration.