People Share The Worst Thing They Have Done At Work But Thankfully Never Got Caught


Ever screwed up really badly at work and thought you were done for? And then, by some miracle, you get away with it? Next time be more careful. Everybody gets one.

PaleHorseRiderX asked: What is the biggest "oh f*ck, I'm dead" thing you've done at work, but nobody ever found out?

Submissions have been edited for clarity, context, and profanity.

50. I Love Lucy Part Two


I was a temporary employee, with no training. I was told to watch this machine and if any pieces of pipe being fed into it were misaligned, I should grab the piece and correct it. Most of the day goes by uneventfully, grabbing pipes and putting them back down in the proper orientation. I guess I got too relaxed and the machine grabbed the pipe and sucked my entire arm into the machine....

This machine is massive and could easily crush me like a grape. Fortunately the pipe jammed up the machine and I was able to quickly yank my arm out. About half a second longer and I would have lost my arm and potentially gotten completely sucked in. The margins with which the pipe jammed the machine were mere millimeters...

I quickly looked around and nobody noticed. I didn't want to get fired for being dumb/reckless (I needed the money) so I was more grateful I had my job than I was I hadn't lost an arm.


49. Drink Drank Drunk

As a bartender, when you work at a certain place for a while, you're basically working on autopilot.

Mix ups do happen though, like you start washing your jigger before using it, you start muddling before putting limes in, and the likes of that, brain farts really.

One time I had a double brain fart. We have a bottle of gin that's 120euros per 5cl or 1.7oz, rarely gets ordered but the one time it did, I pour my jigger out in the glass, wash it, pour another jigger and pour it in the glass. Put the bottle away, grab the glass, turn it upside down and wash it instead of my jigger.

MFW I realised I just poured out the gin

MFW I realised i accidentally made a double

MFW I just poured out a clean 240 euros

MFW I still had to make a new one for the customer


48. Flyin' By My Fly

While training as a pharmacy technician, I forgot how to check in sudafed products so I winged it. I didn't use the NPlex system on the computer and I just asked the patient to write down their signature on the booklet and I used the bar code number as the transaction number and signed my initials on it. The reason I was never caught doing this was because we were super packed due to flu season and everyone needing a flu shot.


47. Caught In The Act

My first job, age 18, a video store. I had been told to dump the dirty mop water into the sink, not out the back door, but I dumped it out the door anyway. It was the middle of winter and the water froze instantly, locking the open door in place. I spent an hour chipping away at a solid block of frozen mop water just so I could close the door.


46. Worse Than WikiLeaks

Caused a leak that seriously damaged all 7 floors of a building.

Was new to Building Ops and had a toilet that wouldn't stop flushing. Step one is always isolate the water supply. I was familiar with one type of toilet, which has the shut-off valve under a nut. I removed the nut expecting to find the shut-off but instead the whole 2" supply opened and it was like a fire hose. That was top floor so that whole floor was f*cked. Every floor down to First had damage - a little less on each floor (7th floor - 100% damage, 6th floor 80% and less and less going down). Pretty much 'wrecked' about 30-40% of the building's total square footage.

Turns out there is 2 main types of shut-offs, one is under a nut - the other is just a little screw under a plastic cap. So I had removed the whole shut-off, not exposed the shut-off screw. I actually told my Boss, who lied because he didn't train me properly and covered for me. We went with, 'The whole flush-o-meter basically just disintegrated as it was old and crappy.' Property Manager was none the wiser and he was actually happy that several tenants claimed the flood on their own Insurance Policy and not the Building's.

After that I learned to never assume anything and learn every piece of equipment before touching.


45. The Mistake As A Rite Of Passage

They found out, but the outcome blew me away.

I was interning at an aquarium, doing a water change on a 10,000 gallon tank for the first time without supervision. Long story short, about 200 gallons spilled from a sump below the tank onto the brand new carpet installed the night before. I shut off the water flowing in and ran to find the nearest aquarist.

Instead of being in trouble for the damage (I thought I was f*cked), I was congratulated by all the aquarists. They said flooding a tank is what 'officially' makes you an aquarist. They helped me clean up the mess and walked me through what went wrong and showed me how to avoid the issue on a variety of systems.

That morning was a rollercoaster.


44. Shwoops

Bartending during grad school. I worked at a high end food/beer bar that caters more toward college kids who want a fancy night out. An old couple came in with a chip on their shoulder and immediately took on that cliche "I want to see the manager persona". I was the manager, so whatever. They were complaining about anything possible, telling me to change the music to country or whatever, just a bunch of annoying bullsh*t.

The bar is loosey-goosey- we're actually allowed to be rude to people who act like they were acting. I could basically tell people to f*ck off if I wanted to. We have a kind of punk rock aesthetic. We were notorious and loved for that. But this time, I kinda f*cked up. This couple pissed me off to no end. I could have sworn I saw both of them get up after their check and leave, but the husband remained and I had no idea. His wife just went to the restroom. I turned to a friend of mine sitting DIRECTLY next to him and said "I think those two *ssholes probably hate me more than I hate them". Then I realize this dude is looking right at me and walks out without his wife, who was still in the bathroom.

I didn't get in trouble though. The yelp review was atrocious however.


43. She Was Scared

I once looked my boss in the eyes threw a glass from one hand to the other but did not lift my second hand up to catch it. Must have looked like I just threw the glass over my shoulder. I was so over tired and out of it i didnt even react i just stood there waiting for a bollocking. She looked at me in silence for about 5 seconds then said she was going out. Never brought it up.


42. An Unexpected Nap

Worked at Kroger. Retreated at my job into the break room and snuck under a table, under the tablecloth that touched the floor.

I planned to stay there for a few mins when a woman came in and sat by the table. She talked on the phone for her entire break, which lasted roughly an hour.

I had to sit motionless and breathe silently the whole time.


41. Could Have Been A Disaster Movie

New at an IT job learning some automation stuff and pointed it at some test servers. Forgot a word on the command and it started running against production databases instead. I flipped screens for a minute so I didn't realize what was happening until it was 20 or 30 servers in. For 10 minutes I thought I just shutdown dozens of servers used by 30k people midday.

My stomach dropped. I broke out into a sweat and told my wife I was about to be fired. We have several small kids. I sat quietly on horror waiting for commotion in the hallway. But there was none. I started checking servers individually and...

Luckily within the script I had forced it into our development environment again so nothing happened. Building one extra check that day saved my career.


40. We All Look Okay This Way


I worked as a bank teller while I was in college. Being a bank teller is the easiest job in the world but coupled with full time college classes it turned out to be a lot. I was only really home to sleep. One day I came into work to find I was so burnt out that I had accidentally left my drawer with over $5000 in it out in the open all weekend. Somehow my manager kept it under wraps (probably because she would have looked bad too since she was supposed to check for these types of things before leaving) and the higher ups never found out.


39. The One With The Waggly Tail

I used to bring my dog to work and one day he followed me in to a storage closet during my shift. He knocked over 3 new TVs still in their boxes with his waggy tail. I set them back up and hoped and prayed they were ok. About a month later they unboxed the TVs and 2 out of the 3 had broken screens. Thankfully the owners chalked it up to shipping damage and got them replaced under warranty


38. Hello This Is Dog

I was responsible for answering the phones at a summer camp, in the front office. I was trying to make an outgoing call and kept misdialing. I was really frustrated and I reached out to press the hang up button and muttered "Just f*cking kill me" but when I pressed the button a phone call just happened to come in at the same moment. So basically I just answered the phone and my greeting was "Just f*cking kill me"


37. -Dell Noise-

Tipped over an entire (poorly secured IMO) pallet of laptops because the d!ck of a loading dock manager wouldn't stop riding me about being parked at the dock for 15 minutes and that "Fedex came and left and now wont come again because you took too long".

Not like there weren't 3 other empty bays the entire time. Jokes on him, it took me another half hour to clean that sh*t up.

Turns out all those laptops were for scrap anyway and my boss didn't care. The pallet tipped because the dock plate shifted up once I got half the weigh of the pallet off the dock and into the truck which caused it to tip over.


36. Vino Mistakes

Broke half a pallet of wine by trying to lift it on a jack, didnt have the backside covered, and it dropped. Just threw a bunch of paper towels down and forgot about it. 3 days later i hear night crew who stocks didn't hear the end of it but they didn't check the cameras.


35. Struck By...Inspiration


One day on my way home from the pub, i drunkenly broke into the golf course i part timed at during a storm and found some discarded equipment, i've no idea how well i actually did but decided that i had 18 holes in one i'm pretty sure i only swung the club about 10 times but still i decided to celebrate my new found sporting prowess, i ran up to a nearby metal rubbish bin and flung its contents all across the green only to lift it over my head in a display unparalleled strength.

The last thing i remember was a coppery taste in mouth, next thing i knew i was on the grass in intense pain, in dragged my drunk *ss to A&E where they treated some light burns and my phone was ruined, I'm pretty sure but can't be certain that i was struck by lightning, i later checked the weather reports from that night and there was no mention of lightning, it is possible that i just passed out drunk but i have no other idea how i got burned, never told anyone because i was super paranoid about being arrested for trespassing.



Deleted a production database by accident. Never, ever have SQL Server Management Studio open and connected to prod when you're moving your laptop between meetings.

But it was my last day as I was starting a new job on the following Monday, so I pinged the team responsible and they started rebuilding the database and I just went about my day hoping the management didn't find out since our relation was pretty sour at that point (hence the new job).


33. We Smoked THAT Salmon

The owner of a bagel food-chain walked in, when I was about 16.

I thought, for sure, he was there to bust me.

Every day, I'd put extra lox on my 50%-off bagel sandwich, then I'd buy a couple of bagels with cream cheese at full price (cheap). I'd turn them into 3 fat lox bagels for a small fraction of the price, and share them with family. I'd even fake-weigh the lox in front of a camera.

The guy ended up being there for a routine checkup, but for a moment, I thought my life was over.

That's the only seriously dishonest thing I've ever done at work in my life. 38 now, but I still look over my shoulder from time to time, for the bagel police.


32. Wrong Way McGee

1st job out of law school. Working for a major law firm (imagine +700 attorneys). We had a multimillion dollar litigation. Deadline to oppose a major motion was due. I had the simple task to ensure it got faxed.

I put the fax upside down. The court received blank pages.

Didn't end up getting fired.


31. Plugged In For Life

Im a baker at Panera Bread and it's the 2nd busiest store in the country. Well, my day started off smoothly, made bread and cookies to order, but this one customer came back with an aux cord in her f*cking bread. To this day I'll never find out how this happened, but I thought i was going to be fired, so I took the bread and said,"Would you like a refund or would you like a different one?" They looked at me and said,"how about a free meal?" I took the managers keys without asking and gave them free food. Threw that bread away and thanked god it was too busy for anyone to care why I was scared for 30 minutes.


30. The Internet Is For WHAT?


Got a work laptop in 1997. It was my first computer and I had heard there was lots of porn on the internet and so looked up all sorts of things. Then I found out they were going to be tracking our usage and I was totally freaked out. Left my laptop at the office overnight and it was broken into and all the computers stolen. I was so relieved and it also taught me to be careful at work!šŸ˜‚


29. Vape-id

A friend of mine works for a large company. There are maybe 3000 people working at their headquarters.

This friend decided to vape in his office, which set off the fire alarm evacuating the entire building.

They looked into it and determined that the smoke alarm in his office was the one that went off, but couldn't figure out where it came from. He denied it so they never found out.


28. Poor Choices: The Musical

I literally told a murderer where I lived. I was working as a social worker in a men's prison. I was going through some personal stuff so I was overly emotional, and he had the same look in his eyes my dad has when he's sad but trying to hide it and he asked and I just...told him. Nothing came out of it, but I have moved 4 times since then.


27. Just Missed It

I snagged a bottle of bourbon at work one night after the registers were closed. I fully intended to pay the next day when we were accepting money, but I got drunk off of said bottle of bourbon and completely forgot. A couple of days later I find out that an employee that none of us really liked quit and they think he may have taken a bottle of liquor with him on his way out, but they couldn't prove it.


26. A 20 Min Glitch

Changed the production orders at another plant resulting in their data being off for at least 20 minutes until I realized it and changed it back. In my defense I had stated almost daily since I leaned that could be a thing that this would happen but yet not only was it left in there was also no way to pin it to me.


25. I'd Love To Visit The Coffee Great Lake


In our office, making coffee was everyone's job, whoever wanted it first. One day I started the machine and then went back to my desk for a few minutes. When I returned to the kitchen, coffee was everywhere. There was a Great Lake of coffee on the floor, dripping and seeping everywhere while various people had gathered to glare at it. I forgot to put the container under the drip. Since nobody had seen me earlier, I just walked into the kitchen looking as shocked and surprised as everyone else.


24. Rats

I was stationed in Germany when I was in the army and had too many close calls with drug tests after going to Amsterdam on every 3 day weekend and smoking up at coffee shops. Once their piss test was only 4 days after I got stoned, yet I still passed it.

Later on I learned that someone had ratted out 3 or 4 people as drug users to the CO including myself, which is why they suddenly had so many drug tests since the CO was obviously determined to catch me and the others.


23. NIN Non

I worked as a receptionist and we could listen to music through the phone which was hooked up to an old little cd player. One day the office was empty and I decided to listen to my Nine Inch Nails CD, so I popped it in the cd player and was listening to it through the phone speaker. I had it on all day. A few days later the old little cd player comes up in conversation when talking about replacing the system and I'm told that it also provides the music for everyone on hold....who, for the day, were listening to Trent Reznor talking about f*cking you like an animal.

No one complained about it, though.


22. Definitely Not Dead This Time

Was gardening at a local millionaires house and decided to do donuts on his John Deere lawnmower in the orchard. All was good till I thought it would be a great idea to set my camera up and film myself doing this to be "cool". About 10 seconds into the video you see me smash into a tree and completely dent one of the mower blades, I quickly took the mower into the barn and told the customer.

Me "Hmmmm something's not quite right with the John Deere"

His response "No problem I'll send someone to come fix it tomorrow"

Will go down as the day I could have died if I got caught.


21. I Mean -Shrug- Sorry?

About a month after I quit my job on very amicable terms (had to move for husband's job) I discovered I still had a company laptop in my house. It was a big oh-sh*t moment because it was a small company and there was a lot of respect and trust (and a lot of VPs who could give me great references).

It turns out that the office manager--the person who kept track of the laptops--was fired shortly after I left for other reasons (she was nuts). So I guess a missing laptop was just attributed to her incompetence. I felt bad, but I had a lot going on with a new baby and moving overseas. I believe I still have it somewhere.


20. Colonel Mustard In The Library

I used to work in a library's special collections and archives. I did a lot of handling/storing/retrieving etc. of the books themselves. my boss called me over to her office, sat me down all serious, and told me that a $25,000 book was missing. I felt that horrible vacuum inside my chest even though i knew i didn't lose it. Turns out it got lost within our system (it's massive and automated, so if it's not where the computer says it is, it's damn hard to find it), and she just needed me to work on that over the coming weeks. The few seconds of dread was awful though.


19. A Cable To My UnravellingĀ 

My boss had a hard drive that failed. Told me there were very important things on it that must be recovered.

I was able to power it on with one of those USB hard drive adapters. After much trial and error I was finally able to read it and began to backup the contents onto another drive. I was ecstatic because since I was in-house IT I had to avoid outsourcing my job as much as possible. I just saved us a ton of money by recovering the data myself.

What I didn't notice was that the USB adapter cable was caught in my chair. My chair had wheels and I would usually push myself away from the desk before I got up. So when I pushed my chair away from my desk, it pulled down the hard drive and hit the ground hard. I had gotten up kinda quick too due to being excited, so that thing just slammed onto the floor.

Had to outsource it and explained to him that I had no idea what he did to that thing and how we had no choice but to send it in.


18. Casual Borrowing

I casually borrowed a $2000 computer from work that was gathering dust - it was a machine bought for someone doing web development and was definitely overpowered for what it was needed for. I made the dumb choice to take it to my apartment and set it up to render stuff on. I brought it back about a week later, no sooner than my boss asking myself, and every other tech on our team, if we had seen the computer. I kinda just put it back in an obscure area in storage. It was found the next day and no one really questioned it. I think the computer had been purchased and put in storage for 6 months, and we had a location change in that time, so i guess everyone genuinely believed that they just missed finding it for that long.


17. Radio Silence

Working in a different store/office than normal covering for someone on vacation. I was the only one there. I partied a little to hard at the hotel bar the night before, so for lunch I locked the door and put my head on the desk to catch some zzz's. I woke up at 7 that night, can't believe the phone didn't wake me up, but it was an extremely quiet ring and I did have the radio on. Kept thinking I was going to get in trouble, no one ever mentioned anything.


16. Too Many Michaels

I was in a management training group for a large bank. During the program we'd pretty much all cheat on the tests by sharing answers among the group. Afterwards we had a lot of training stuff to do. When we were assigned a project a year later, I emailed the group and said "looks like we got a big project, boys. Time for a good ole fashion cheat sesh. Let's find a day this week to stay late and share answers and work."

I got a text 30 seconds after the email. I copyed the wrong Michael on the email... The Michael included was the regional credit manager who's in charge of the training.

He laughed it off and told me "we want you to 'cheat', share answers and work collectively. It builds camaraderie. We just don't tell you to do that because we drill ethics hard for the client facing stuff and no one would work hard if it was assigned as a group project."


15. "Herding water."

I used to work for a big box pet store taking care of the animals that lived in the store. There was a rotation of the animals getting their accessories changed out and cleaned (i.e. water bottles, food bowls, plastic huts) every day. So each day the morning person cleaned that day's habitats and the closer did the "dishes" in the sink and set them to dry and be put back in rotation for use.

It was sometimes difficult to complete any of these tasks while also dealing with customers. The sink we did dishes in was very deep and company policy stated that the dishes had to soak in a cleaning solution for a certain amount of time so it took a long time to fill up the sink with the solution to soak everything.

It was common to turn the water on to fill up the sink and go see if anyone needed help in the store while you waited.

Not long after I started working there I was performing this task and got pulled into a long conversation with a customer. Normally I'd duck in the back and turn off the faucet if I thought the conversation would take a while, but this night I just completely forgot the sink was on. Cue like 20 minutes later walking in the back to ankle deep water. The sink had overflowed and was filling the back space. The door had a rubber stopper at the bottom keeping it from going into the store

I took a squeegee thing and started herding the water into a drain on the floor on the back side of the fish wall but it took a long time. I was so frantic and still had to pay attention to customers out on the floor. Luckily no one else ever went into the back unless you worked in that department and I was working alone. So I managed to herd most of the water into the fish drain and the rest dried over night before the opener came in. No one ever knew I flooded the back space.

Few months later I realized flooding was a common occurrence and my manager flooded it at least once a year.


14. The same reason Donald Trump has "the button."

I auto-archived 2500 records from our database with one button push. This removed them from active status and cancelled any associated reservations and services. I had to click into each record and reinstate it. Took me 6 hours. I admitted my folly at the next team meeting to ensure no one else had to go through the sheer butt puckering terror I did when those records dissapeared. We call it the doom button now. Why there is a doom button I have no idea.


13. Always park your forklift, I mean, duh.

When I was 18 I worked for Menards (like Home Depot). It was a small store with an outside yard that you couldn't drive into so we would pick what you wanted with a forklift and load the customers out in the parking lot.

So this lady came in to pick up a bunch of special order bricks. I loaded two pallets of bricks into the back of her very nice new truck, she signed the paperwork and the transaction was done.... Until I sat in the forklift filling out my part of the paperwork and she backed into a forklift tine and punched it all the way through her tailgate!!!

I expected that she was going to pull up to the front of the store to report it, but she just left. As far as I know she never reported it, and no one ever knew it happened. That was 21 years ago and I think about that incident pretty often.


Yeah, if this post hadn't explained why it was actually the forklift drivers fault, I totally would have thought that the brick lady was at fault.

12. Skip the worker's comp.

Dropped a slab of steel on my toes, couple hundred pounds, during my probationary period, but since I was wearing my steel toes (PSA: wear your PPE) and no one else was around, I got away with a slightly bruised foot after I wiggled out.

Still got let go, but that's because I was a slow welder.


Still got let go, but that's because I was a slow welder.

Should have hopped to it.


11. Everybody's doing it.

Knocked a soldering iron off of its stand while I was working as I was getting up to take a piss. Came back and it had burned a hole dead center in the plastic table my boss just bought. I'm thinking I'd have to pay for a new one but my boss comes in and sets a box down hard on the table and it knocks the iron over and burns another hole near the old one.


Plastic tables and soldering irons? Not a good pairing.


10. Pizza always takes precedent.

I was to supposed to meet a client outside of work to discuss a business opportunity. Got permission to leave work early to go to an arranged meeting with the customer. I went on auto-pilot as soon as I started driving from work. Forgot about the meeting. Picked up a pizza. Went home. Ate pizza. Couple hours go by.


I didn't have a phone number for the customer, so I never called or anything, just no-call no-showed on the customer.

Customer never said anything. Manager never asked about it.


Customer also no called and no showed and was relieved that you never said anything.


I did this! Had a meeting arranged with a contractor. It was -50 in the polar vortex and I completely forgot. Met with him the next week and he said "Yeah, I forgot too. Figured it was too damn cold to even apologize for."


9. So plans CAN back up.

When I was a brand new airline pilot we landed at an airport that required a long taxi back to the terminal. During the taxi the captain made a wrong turn onto a narrow taxiway that led to a small private hangar. As soon as he made the turn we knew it was the wrong taxiway, but it was very narrow with trees on both sides so there was no way to turn around. I had no idea how we were going to deal with this.

He thought for a minute, then said, "McGonogle, can you see the tower from here?"

I looked. "Nope."

"Good. Then they can't see us."

With that, he reversed both engines and slowly backed onto the main taxiway. I guess the passengers thought it was normal because no one asked any questions and we never heard anything about it.


Not fluent in planes but I assume you don't reverse a plane because it is much harder to see what's behind the plane.


8. It barely clipped her.

When I was about 17 I used to internship at a bank through a school program. It was a small business bank so there wasn't any glass like you see at big banks. The set up was 4 desks lined up next to each other with small walls separating them almost cubicle style but shorter. My desk was all the way at the end next to the wall.

Anyways, so I'm sitting at my desk bored one day with nothing to do so I grab a paperclip and start flicking it paper football style at the wall separating my desk and the one next to it. Everytime it bounced back I would flick it again.

Well one time I flicked it a little too hard and the paperclip flew right over the small wall and hit a customer right in the head that was waiting to be attended.

My heart sank and so did my head down to the desk as I tried to go unnoticed in hopes that they wouldnt know who did it. Looking back it was probably obvious that the 16 y/o boy was the one flicking paperclips and not the 40+ old ladies next to him.

Luckily I don't think the customer knew what hit her and I was never blamed for it.


I'm always kind of zoned out in public. So if that happened to me I'd look around shocked. And if I didn't see the paperclip I'd start wondering if I was hallucinating things.


7. F this I'm out.

One day everybody was working from home except me so I just left and went to Six Flags with my friend, praying there wouldn't be any spur of the moment video calls.


A few years ago, I asked my boss if I could take the Wednesday before Thanksgiving off. I waited too long to request it and there were already too many people with that day off so he declined it.

It's a long drive to where my family lives and I already told them I was coming, so since he was one of the people gone that day too, I grabbed my laptop, forwarded my desk phone to my cell, and hit the road. No one else knew I wasn't supposed to be out and he never found out about it.


6. First day jitters?

First day as an Electrical Engineer intern, I blew up a power amplifier by hooking up a power supply incorrectly. I was pulling a lot of current (2 A for a small power amplifier) and sparks and smoke were everywhere.

I went to tell the Engineer I was working for, fully expecting to be reprimanded or fired, but he didn't seem to care too much which surprised me.


5. When doing the right thing comes back around.

Working at a high end tour company, I backed a bus hitch into a guest's BMW. Broke one of their tail lamps. I picked up all the plastic remnants from the ground and taped a note to their window to find me when they returned from their tour to discuss the damage and go speak to the owner with me about insurance, etc. I'd been breaking down my trip to make way for the next bus arriving, so I hadn't had a chance to go tell my boss before they returned. The guest came and found me, laughing.

Said someone had hit it a few weeks prior and it was already being processed through the insurance of the other person who had hit him, and not to worry about it. He hadn't realized that I'd done additional damage because it was the same tail light, nothing else was damaged and I'd picked up all the broken pieces from the ground, so it didn't look that bad compared to what damage had already existed. I never had to fess up to my boss about the incident and learned to never attempt to park the bus near the fancy cars again.


4. If it works...

A lot of things were changing, and company growing, blah blah blah the usual.

And at a certain point, I just got tired of being thrown into something with no direction, so I just made up stuff how I wanted it to go and started referring to it as "policy."

I've since left that job, but they're still using my policies. That I made up. Half the time on the fly as things happened.


Something about the word "policy" makes it sound so official and well-thought-out.


Congrats, you just discovered how managers become managers.


3. Listen to the song, you'll understand.


Our muzak hold crap system was out of whack, so since I'm IT, I was tasked to fix it. Stupid proprietary audio files, stupid codecs, stupid hold music.

To pass the time, I ripped a Gwar cd that I recieved as a gag gift a million years ago to the proprietary format and amused myself by throwing "Meat Sandwich" on loop for testing.

Finally got everything working, called it a night and went home for the rest of the weekend.

Monday morning, around 11am, I get a call. "Hi, Coyote? I think our muzak system is still broken. People are complaining about the songs and the sound?"

What? WHAT? Call my work into question? I tested it MYSELF. I personally made sure the audio format was working with my OWN MUSIC and...


....and f*ck. I left Gwar, Meat Sandwich, as our only muzak for hold for our entire company.

I ran to the Datacenter, put everything back to default and the told them that it was "crossing channels" or some bullshit and everything was fine.

But we open at 6am. So for 5 glorious hours, Meat Sandwich was the music playing after the soft voiced woman told you to "Please Hold."


2. You get what you pay for - in this case, quality equipment.

Spilled soda in our lab near a test system I was working on. They were very expensive. Some soda got to the unit before I was able to stop it.

I dried everything thoroughly, but was very scared because I had only been there a year or so and these things were very expensive to produce... but when I left that company 8 years later that system still was fully functional and in use. I did start listening to the lab rules about no open containers after that though.


1. It's 2019 and no one knows wtf they're doing.

A year and a half ago my company hired me back after my internship. They gave me a new role, but no one explained it clearly to me. I wound up doing all this compliance paperwork stuff wrong for months. But no one ever said anything. And now, starting next week, they're trusting me with some of the most important duties in the company. Better hope they teach me better this time.


I wound up doing all this compliance paperwork stuff wrong for months. But no one ever said anything.

That's because no one else knows how to do it either.


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