There are just somethings that really should be said in person or over the phone. I love to text as much as the next guy, but not about important life matters. Don't be that lazy y'all. I realize that we've lost the patience and aptitude for human connection but we can get it back, just by the sound of a comforting voice. Or let's just use our brains when we are communicating. Think about how would you like to receive certain types of news? Then act accordingly.
Redditor u/jdparmenter wanted everyone to come together and spill some tea about those morning messages we've had to deal with once we look at our devices by asking.... What is the worst text message you could wake up to?"NEVER SAY THAT!!"
angry hate GIFGiphyOther than a text about the death or serious injury of someone you love, the "we need to talk" text would be second in line.
My wife will do this often. It's usually something not super duper important, but that she wants to hammer out quickly. Doctor visits, budgeting for our daughter's seasonal clothing, bills, etc.
I've told her multiple times that her wording sends me into a minor panic, but either she forgets or she just likes making me squirm for no other reason than to fuck with me.
Someone better be dead!
EMERGENCY BROADCAST - THOSE STILL ALIVE REPORT IMMEDIATELY TO LOCAL SHELTERS!!
January 13, 2018. My phone went off and since I work for the state I woke up to see what the alarm was in case I needed to head into work. Woke up the wife and kid and then tried calling Civil Defense to figure out wtf was going on.
No official reply for over 30 mins, served like an eternity.
911
"I hope you read this in time. I need help."
That was a pretty bad one to wake up to. I'm not sure if being preceded by a plea for help would have made it better or worse.
You Better Go Back!
Inside Out Reaction GIFGiphy"I'm getting Dunkin' in 5 minutes, text me what you want."
delivered 14 minutes ago.
I've shed real tears over these kinds of missed texts.
Love Mom....
"11 Missed Calls From: MOM."
After my mom died, I saved the last voicemail she sent me, and that was when she asked if I was eating well and taking care of myself. I almost wish it was my birthday phone call, but I got to hear that live so it was never recorded. But the one I actually have saved is the most Mom thing ever, so I guess it's sort of fitting.
Bad Morning...
The one I actually did wake up to on Christmas morning. "I tried calling. Your dad died."
I'm sorry for your loss, pal. Two xmas ago I couldn't get a hold of my mum on the phone. Also tried calling my brother and uncle who would definitely have been with her for Christmas. Nobody would answer the phone or text me back for hours. Worst feeling ever. Finally heard back from my brother, mum had a stroke and was in the hospital. It didn't take her then, but it was the beginning of the end.
Incoming....
Whatever that text was that everyone in Hawaii got saying a nuke was inbound.
My daughter, baby grandson, and husband were there too. It truly is the worst text to wake up to.
Mom, incoming missile threat to Hawaii, this is not a drill. I love you.
Avert your Eyes!
"DO NOT LOOK AT THE MOON!"
From what i think they're referring to is some fan made video about a government 'mandated' emergency lockdown that has a very eerie feel to it and it flashes a bunch of vague messages broadcasted across all devices to not look up at the ceiling, lock all doors, don't look outside or at the moon. super creepy video that had me paranoid for a second.
Good Boy
will smith applause GIFGiphyMy friend got a text once that said "good job buddy" he didn't know who it was so he replied "it burns when i pee."
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/
"What is the craziest conspiracy theory that you secretly believe in?"
Or The Singers Just Wanted To Travel?
"Ireland began deliberately entering bad songs into the Eurovision Song Contest in the 90s."
"After winning it consecutively for a few years it began getting too expensive to host so they sabotaged their chances of winning it."- Houlilala
They Weren't That Cute...
"Build-A-Bear came out with a bunch of new toys that were all the same shade of yellow right after their Minion launch severely underperformed."
"They had stockpiled yellow fabric in anticipation of the Minion toys selling well and getting a big production run and had to find a way to use it all."- everlasting1der
Be Careful What You Ask...
"I believe r/AskReddit is actually a data farming operation that is being used to feed AI algorithms in order to produce more effective propaganda, social control mechanisms, etc… but what do I know…" - Sackerson-502
Search Engine Instagram GIF by GiflyticsGiphyBut Where Do The Beans Go?
"This is dumb, but my mother believes that the coffee grinder machines at the gas station are fake..as in they make a lot of noise just to make you think what your getting is fresh coffee."
"When it's 'grinding' the beans, you never see the beans move."
"We called the gas station and the employee said he doesn't know how the coffee makers work since a 3rd party refills them up or changes the flavors."
"I've called her crazy but slowly i'm getting sucked into it, simply because it's fun."- james_castrello2
Which Would Be More Embarassing?
"Paul Pierce sh*t his pants during the 2008 NBA Finals."
"He sat on the floor apparently injured until he was taken off the court in a wheelchair and returned minutes later completely fine."
"Sitting on the floor and leaving in a wheelchair stopped anybody from seeing his dookie stains."- pierremanslappy
paul pierce GIFGiphyNot Exactly Helping Anyone...
"Micro plastics are making people dumber."- blackbeautybyseven
When They Could Broaden Their Client Lists...
"That the weight loss industry sets people up to fail, because if their products worked they wouldn't have return customers."- Funky_chicken89
What's Important, He's Out There...
"It’s not the cameras: Bigfoot is blurry."- QuillDidNothingWrong
Bigfoot Sasquatch GIF by MOODMANGiphyThe World May Never Know...
"North Korea had an underground nuclear testing site collapse."
"Kim Jong Un then went to China."
"North Korea declared in their state news paper that they have perfected the nuke, and will no longer do any more tests."
"My theory is that Kim Jong Un went to China to ask for help fixing their nuclear disaster."
"Xi told him to deal with it himself and to stop playing with nukes."
"Kim came back to N.Korea like a beaten dog."- Initial-Finger-1235
What Lurks Beneath Midtown
"Occultist architect Ivo Shandor outfitted most of the buildings in downtown Manhattan with a specific alloy which, when activated under the right conditions, would summon Gozer the Gozerian."- Rogue_Wallet
A Connection To Brag About?
"This is dumb lmao, there is a man who lived and worked as a teacher where I'm from in NC."
"His name was Peter Stuart Ney."
"It was during the early 1800s, there's a local legend that lives on that this man was in fact one of Napoleon's right hand men, and fought alongside him even."
"It's been disproven apparently by the French government over the years, it's just funny how this guy was supposedly executed in 1815, just to show up over in NC as a teacher with the same surname and military expertise just 1 year later."
"They say he was a skilled fencer, and he had precise military knowledge even though he was just a teacher for the local school system."
"On his deathbed he supposedly confessed to being one Marshal Michel Ney, the 'Bravest of the Brave', according to Napoleon."
"Wild story but part of me just fully f*cking believes it's crazy enough to be true."
"Records indicated he had shown up in Charleston SC in 1816, just a year after this Michel Ney was executed in France."
"Idk, it's just a crazy story."- actuallyjayft
pizza emoji GIFGiphy...Aside From The Fact That Fairy Tales Are Public Domain...
"Disney only do remakes to retain copyright on the stories."- AndPlagueFlowers
Likely True For Some Of Them...
"All those crazy Boomers have lead poisoning."- octavialovesart
Bodes Well For Online Dating Too...
"The Empty Internet Conspiracy."
"A large part of the population of the internet and, thus, a large part of interactions on the internet are completely fake."
"Just faceless chat bots tooling around; generating social media posts, YouTube comments, and opinion articles on news sites."
"With the rise of AI generated essays and research papers, it's becoming easier to draw lines between those papers and how random news articles can read in a way in which a human would never write."- Karmit_Da_Fruge
Internet Netneutrality GIF by Ryan SeslowGiphyAs long as people keep these beliefs to themselves, and don't try to promote them, then they have every right to believe these rather dubious stories are true.
And who knows, some of these stories are so far-fetched, perhaps the only way they came to prominence was because they actually happened.
Redditor pambannedfromchilis wanted the wealthy to spill the deets on being wealthy, so they asked:
"What is something only a wealthy person would know?"
Tell me the secrets. Just first let me get a pen and paper.
Private Listings
I Am Rich Nene Leakes GIFGiphy"You can opt not to be on those 'wealthiest people' lists - for a price."
draggar
"The number of people that actively avoid those lists is far higher than the number of people on those lists. Also, some people actively manage the amount the list shows."
Ragnel
Call Me
"The phone numbers from people who could help you out of any (even bad) situation."
purevenuscookieslog
"All you need is one person with the right phone number and worth that level of protection."
There is a neighborhood in Colorado Springs with a large number of former generals, nuclear scientists, corporation directors, etc. Within 5 minutes of a burglary alarm going off, the criminal was dead. I can assure you that the Colorado Springs police can't respond that quickly."
jeffh4
HELP!
"The less help you need, the more you get."
manIDKbruh
"You have access to favorable credit lines with better rates than ordinary folk. They just throw money at you when you have money."
dbx999
"Bob Hope used to say 'a bank is a place that'll lend you money, but only if you can prove you don't need it.'"
tommytraddles
Premium Help
"How to fully use a hotel concierge service."
Firebolt164
"Was in Australia at a nice hotel. Wanted to go to Royal Observatory but there were no tickets that evening - only the evening we could make it. Ended up in casual conversation with the hotel concierge. At some, told him how much we were enjoying our visit and he asked if there was anything disappointing."
"I said only that we could not get into the Royal Observatory. He said he’d see what he could do, catching me by surprise having been unfamiliar with what a concierge does before then. That night my wife and I were looking at the Jewel Box through the telescope at the Royal Observatory."
arriesgado
Celeb Encounters
Rihanna Boat GIFGiphy"You can rent celebrities for your private events. Not just musicians, but bonafide actors and actresses."
MediumRareTaint
"I remember a few years ago the founder of Lululemon, Chip Wilson, had the Red Hot Chili Peppers play in his backyard here in Vancouver. We could hear them from the beach below."
madam1madam
If had the money to rent people for private events, Adele would have plans forever!
What is Rent?
Alicia Silverstone My Bad GIFGiphy"Have a friend who is moving to the Bay area. To work for a non-profit. Part-time. She didn't know what her salary would be."
minervazahara
Fly High
"Private jets come with different size luggage compartments."
thinkx5
"I mean, do all cars have the exact same size trunk? No, some are roomy as sh*t and some are teeny. It makes sense that different models from different manufacturers would have different sized/shaped compartments, especially given there are some that seat 4 passengers and some that seat 14."
fireandlifeincarnate
Member-Owned
"The difference between an equity country club and a membership country club."
smurfsundermybed
"Some country clubs have vested ownership (ie 100% member-owned) while others are owned by corporations. It really isn't always a prestige thing, many older clubs in the sticks only came about because they were member-owned and built by a group of families."
"Of course, nearly all of today's old-school elite courses started out as member-owned but that doesn't mean all member-owned courses are elite."
Salamok
"Yeah, this is a good one. Also, the understanding that you can't just walk into most private clubs, write a check for whatever the fee is and become a member. Most of the equity clubs have a white ball/black ball system too, similar to fraternities, where two or three blacks DQ you."
xkulp8
When in Need
"The VIP hotline number at the children's hospital when your kid needs urgent care but there's a big wait in the ER (but your kid isn't sicker than anybody else's kid in the ER), and you won't get to the front of the line. Blew my mind when a very wealthy friend told me he did this for his child (the friend's father was a huge donor to the hospital). More power to him, but there is the wealthy and then there is the wealthy."
off_mode_auto
The Most Valuable
Seth Meyers Time GIF by Late Night with Seth MeyersGiphy"That wealth is not what people see. It's what people don't get to see. That the most valuable asset is not things, but time."
shidored
Whoever said money can't buy happiness is lying.
There is the biggest secret.
