Sex is fun. Sex is healthy. Sex should be enjoyed and always consensual. But often, sex can be dangerous, especially when you're trying out new things, like a new location.
Who hasn't thought about upping the adrenaline ante when it comes to sexytime? We've all been there. But some ideas really should just stay ideas.
Why break a hip or an arm just to make things a little more saucy? Just try a different room in the house, or the backyard, but bring bug spray.
And some areas in public are safety hazards for a reason.
Redditoru/playfulinvestment01wanted to know about all the places we need to avoid when it's sexytime, by asking:
What is the worst place you had sex?
I can tell you from experience that airplanes are not a good idea. Don't ask me how I know. A lady never kisses and tells, but highlights are ok. There will never be enough room and the movies are lying.
Like Glue...
Melissa Mccarthy Falling GIFGiphy"I lived in Australia for a bit and our studio had this black pleather couch. It looked exactly like that casting couch meme so we tried it for fun once. My ex sweats a lot even when it's not 40C out, but it was and we stuck to the couch like glue."
The Sting
"On a hike in a wildlife refuge. We went off the trail to a more remote area. Was all fun and games tell I got stung on the penis. Was after the event had ended when I was briefly exposed, the little moron went right at me. We joke about it regularly, I'd say it comes up monthly. Just out of the blue she will say "hey remember when you got stung on your penis?" Yes, I remember and will never forget."
Up a Tree
"A "treehouse" that was actually a plywood shack on 6' stilts. It was pretty old and the plywood was splintery, so he laid down an old towel for me (you know, like a gentleman.) Also it was too small for me to fit in any direction, so my head stuck out the door. I stared at the sky and just... And that's the story of how I lost my virginity! A close second would be the bed in his semi-abandoned house full of the semi-abandoned hoarded belongings of his mother. But that's a different story."
Walk Away...
"Met a girl online and we tried to do it at the park. A cop showed up before we started and told us we had to leave. We went back to our cars which was at a small shopping mall. We went behind the shopping mall and got it on behind a dumpster. It worked out well so we met up there again a week later. Except that time, as we were walking away, a dump truck picked the dumpster to empty the trash. Was hilarious at the time but frightening looking back on it. This was about 10 years ago."
Keyed Off
Piano Performing GIFGiphy"I don't recommend on top of a piano. Very uncomfortable and not at all the experience we envisioned."
Scratchy...
Screaming The Voice GIF by NBCGiphy"Bottom of cliff next to the ocean. Turns out I have an allergic reaction to coral and my back was scratched the hell up from it. It was windy, wet, and itchy. Runner up is a movie theatre."
Smoked
"In a literal smoke house... lost my virginity with about 50 rings of deer sausage hanging around to dry. My friend and his dad were gone and we were like "this seems like a great place!" At least when I went home I smelled like venison instead of sex."
"Well, if you find yourself stuck in a rut, it'll be something to fawn over."
Hey Fam...
"I'm not sure if this counts because we didn't get very far. But In a Burger King parking lot… He had a car, so we would park it someplace and hook up in the tiny little two-seater. I was sitting astride him and most of my clothes were off when he froze. I looked over my shoulder and the once abandoned parking lot was abandoned no more. A family of four were just staring at us through the windshield. We didn't know what to do so I just put my shirt back on and we drove away."
"we can hear everything"
"My childhood house had an enclosed porch that was level with my parents' bedroom window (it's hard to explain). You couldn't see into the porch from the window, but if the porch windows were open and the bedroom windows were open you could hear everything from either room."
"So my now husband and I were trying to have sex in that porch, having opened the windows cuz it was hot AH. My parents usually never opened their window and it was past ten, when they usually went to sleep. We weren't trying to be loud, but apparently we were."
"After we were done, I checked my phone and I had 5 missed calls and a text from my mother saying "we can hear everything" and "please at least use a condom". We didn't acknowledge it at the time but my mom got drunk a few years ago and told my aunt the story and said she was worried she was hearing the conception of her grandchild."
Ivy!
jerry seinfeld help GIF by HULUGiphy"After a drunken night on 6th st in Austin, girl and I were walking down red river st, she drags me in this bushy grassy area, we go at it, finish, call an Uber to west campus, continue going at it. The next day, we are super itchy, come to find later it was poison ivy, got it all over our genitals. Fun times. 10/10 would do it again though."
Also, be careful when and if you do it on a bus. You're never fully out of the driver's line of sight. Don't ask me how I know, I just do. Be careful out there but have fun.
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Curious to hear exmples of these, Redditor Tannerman1 asked:
"What does America do better than most countries?"
North America provides everything in abundance.
It's A-maize-ing
"Turning corn into things that are not corn."
– Aeekio
"When you have this much corn, what else do you do with it?"
– Beautiful-Page3135
"Being from Illinois please do something with all this corn."
– LordofTheFlagon
Maritime Airbase
"Aircraft carriers."
– Tubbaaoo
"I think the stat is something like the US has half of all the large carriers in the world right now. I do know in WW2 by the end of 1944 or 45 they had more escort carriers in service than most countries had naval ships commissioned in the country's entire history."
– FLABANGED
The Great Outdoors
"National parks, we also have amazing state parks and local parks."
"Before anyone starts no you having woods too isn't the same thing."
– Dull-Geologist-8204
"I’m not sure the very idea of a National Park would be a thing if not for ol Teddy Roosevelt, and the United States making them the thing they are."
– NicksAunt
Americans are very social people that have no qualms reaching out to a stranger.
Sometimes, that's a real good thing.
"Chatting, I’m from a European country where most people will avoid talking to stranger. But you can literally talk to anyone you met in the street in the US and most of them are willing to talk."
– FloorSad3826
Forming A Bond
"People in many parts of the US do talk. I’m from the US and I’m kind of introvert, but I’ve actually have grown to love it as I’ve gotten older. I’m a white guy in a mostly black neighborhood and I f'king love going to the grocery store. We have this awesome little actual grocery store and everyone talks to me. It’s basically the friendliest place I’ve ever been."
"There’s an old dude who just starts spouting off with trivia questions to anyone who will listen. I responded with the answer to one and he was like, “How the f'k did you know the answer to that?'”
“I’m a biologist.”
"He and I are basically best friends now."
– sloppy_biography
Three Guys Walk Into A Bar...
"I have had this experience. The only people who would talk in pubs in London were an Irishman, a Lebanese fellow, and the Nepalese bartender. There’s a joke in there somewhere. They were super cool cats, too. Oh, and the guy I chatted with in a bar in Paris, also Lebanese. None of the locals would speak more than a few words."
"Americans? We’ll talk half an hour to a wrong number."
"Side note: Does anybody know if everyone in Lebanon actually knows everybody else? It has now happened twice that I’ve met people on different continents who knew each other’s siblings."
– Lemur-Tacos-768
The Germany Connection
"I met a chatty lady in Germany once and when I told her she was a friendliest person I’d met in Germany she said very quickly: 'Oh, I’m not from here, I’m from Sweden.' Then we both laughed loudly and got the side eye from the Germans."
– Syd_Vicious3375
When it comes to certain American activities, it's no contest.
Just To Be Frank
"Hot dog eating contests"
– First_Ad5835
"I was going to say that the champion of the Nathan’s Famous contest is Japanese, but I looked it up & Joey Chestnut is the current reigning champion."
– sagitta_luminus
Americans Are Globally Recognized Due To...
"Dominate media and pop culture around the world. Nobody else comes close to the US in this regard."
– DougyTwoScoops
Accommodating Everyone
"I haven't been in a lot of countries, but from my limited experience, it's the Americans With Disabilities Act."
"I have a lot of complaints about it, but I can still say that using public transportation doesn't require me to walk down or up 40 steps, with the alternative being walking . 3 miles to find an elevator that can fit one person at a time and moves so slowly it's barely usable."
– oneofyrfencegrls
What You Didn't Know
"Ironically enough science. The US has more Nobel Prize winners of all other countries combined. And here's the key thing: many of those researchers were immigrants, or at least didn't have family going back to the Mayflower."
"Also this will really sound ironic: tolerance for other cultures. The US is among the most diverse nations in the world. The most iconic American cultural icons are ultimately a mix of local and international traditions. Asiatic countries are super duper racists, but we call them 'xenophobic.'"
"Agriculture. The US is a behemoth when it comes to agriculture and agriscience. The biggest issues is cultivating for logistics instead of taste. Those yield however come with technologies other nations find repugnant and so ban American imports to protect domestic agriculture."
"Charity. Americans as a whole donate more to charities than any other nation, and on a per capita basis as well. Most Americans probably see ads or donation boxes on a daily basis."
– WiryCatchphrase
I'm not sure if it's a good or bad thing but American establishments can dish out sizable portions of food for what dining patrons pay for.
Some entrees at restaurants are enough for sharing and ordering one main plate can be an economical option to allow room for a variety of other dishes–including dessert–without breaking the bank.
Go big, or go home, right?
"What's the best response to a Christian saying 'you're going to hell'?"
How Else Would They Know?
"'See you later!'"
"A skater boi dropped this one on holy rollers in college, the rest of us thought it was absolutely brilliant."- Ishidan01
"See you there then."- CuddleDemon04
He's Always Listening...
"It makes Jesus sad when you say that"- OperationBackground2
Can I You Show Me On A Map?
“'Where?'”
"Act like you’ve never heard of it—concede none of the authority or credibility they are used to having."
"'What do you mean, after I die—how can I go somewhere after I die, I’ll be dead?'"
"'My what?'"
"'Do you see these souls often, friend, is one in the room right now?'"- RidesThe7
Some People Have Heard Worse...
"Shrug, say 'Ok' , and walk away."
"You not caring riles them up even more."- ExRetribution
I See It Differently
"Yeah, well, that's just like, your opinion man."- EnvironmentalPack451
Animation Disagree GIF by Moving Picture ShowGiphyWhen Was The Last Time You Actually Read A Bible?
"Judge not, that you be not judged."
"For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you."
"Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?"
"Matthew 7, 1-3."- Aas-im-Aermel
“'Live a good life'."
"'If there are gods and they are just, then they will not care how devout you have been, but will welcome you based on the virtues you have lived by'."
"'If there are gods, but unjust, then you should not want to worship them'."
"'If there are no gods, then you will be gone, but will have lived a noble life that will live on in the memories of your loved ones'.― Marcus Aurelius."- Trygolds
"I thought God is the only judge of our soul?"
"Who are you to take his place?"
"It's better to attack them using their own teachings and beliefs that contradict their statement."- ZaiJianDada
Bible GIF by GlorifyAppGiphyTell Me Something I Don't Know...
"Aren't we all already here?"- YaMa-Ma
When The High Road Doesn't Seem To work...
"The Australian thing to say is "Get f*cked c*nt!"- IllTruck3645·
Give Them A Taste Of Their Own Medicine
"According to your God, so are you for doing his job and judging."- Reddit
Episode 5 Burn In Hell GIF by The SimpsonsGiphySay. Nothing...
"Stare at them blankly and don't hide your confusion."
"Don't say anything."
"Let them talk."
"They will keep talking, and the more they talk, the more uncomfortable they will make themselves."
"If they ask you any direct questions, don't answer them, just keep looking more and more puzzled."
"At the very most, shrug in total confusion."
"Do your best quizzical dog impression."
"They will give up and walk away, and regardless of how they try to seem outwardly, they will feel defeated, and question whether being an enormous a**hole is worth it."
"It may not last once they get back into their bubble of people who think that's a great way to act, but realistically, it's the only way to fight back."
"The minute you engage with them at all, you lose."
"Any comeback feeds into the victim complex inherently baked into Christianity."
"The only winning move is not to play."- PowermanFriendship
Will Ferrell Blank Stare GIFGiphyIt can be very easy to judge others.
But one can't help but stifle their laughter at those who judge others for not being as devoutly Christian as they are.
As they are all but literally going against the beliefs they are supposedly practicing.