Sleep is a human necessity.
So much so that without it, we die. To make sure we don't do that, our bodies will force us to sleep whether we want to and are comfortable or not.
Every now and then that means having a less-than-five-star sleeping experience.
One Reddit user asked:
What's the worst place you ever had to spend the night?
We expected some interesting answers from more adventurous users who travel, hike, etc. Everybody loves a good seedy hotel story.
What we weren't expecting was a comment section full of bonkers stories about private islands, failed drug smuggling, surviving disasters and unintentionally doing permanent ear damage over some snoring.
Yeah. It's a lot.
Canada Didn't Have Hard Feelings
A bus terminal park bench after being turned away at the Canadian border.
I was on a Greyhound and stupidly tried to bring weed across the border to avoid paying expensive prices in Toronto. I was also pretty drunk as it makes bus rides tolerable.
They found it and charged me $100 to take me back to the bus station in Burlington, VT. I slept on a bench there until the next bus left in the morning.
It's one of the safer bus stations for sure, but cold hard benches suck no matter where they are
Canada didn't have hard feelings and let me in that time.
After A Rafting Accident
IN A TREE!
Had a rafting accident and the three of us ended up spending 18 hours (overnight) hanging on to tree branches in the middle of an over flowing river until we were rescued the next morning by the swift water rescue team.
We took turns sleeping as the other two grabbed on so we would not fall in.
Picture us in no shoes, shorts and t-shirts as the temp dropped down below 50 degrees that night. Made the front page of the local newspaper, our 15 minutes of fame I guess.
The Psych Ward
The psych ward.
Especially when they have to come in every 10 minutes and shine a light into your eyes to make sure you're alive. Or when there are people screaming down the hall all night.
Spent two months in one in 2018. I don't know how they expect you to get better when they keep you from getting good sleep, good food, fresh air, or any social connections whatsoever.
- d24602
Alabama In July With No AC
Used to live with a guy up in Hayden Alabama. I actually loved it, it was peaceful and we had very few neighbors, I took care of the dogs.
Mid July and the a/c goes out, it was supposed to rain all week with about 80% humidity coupled with 95+ temperature outside. The house turned into a swamp, we opened all the windows and doors, turned on every fan we could find and still it was just awful.
The bedroom was so hot we couldn't use it so we slept on the couches which were so soaked by the end of the day that you could press your hand into it and your hand would come up wet.
It was so bad, we walked around stark naked in a last ditch attempt to beat the heat before we broke down and called a repair service.
With Wet Toilet Paper In My Ears
I slept in a hotel bathroom with wet toilet paper in my ears once when I was a stupid kid.
I was sharing a room with my dad and my brother, both of whom were terrible snorers (my dad at least has a CPAP now and my brother's estranged, so two problems solved). I couldn't sleep, couldn't handle the snoring... so I went in the bathroom, wadded up some toilet paper, wet it, jammed it in my ears, and tried my best to get some sleep.
Wouldn't recommend, did some long-term damage to one eardrum from a bit of toilet paper that was stuck on there for years afterward.
A "hOsPiTaL"
My mom had a heart attack in one of the highest 'criminals per capita' cities in India, Etawah.
Some relatives took her to a hospital. I arrived the same night.
They showed me to the room she was in, and I don't think I've seen a more depressing room in my life - and I grew up here in India, in not a rich family.
The walls had spits EVERYWHERE.
The bedsheet had stains older than me.
The medical equipment was outdated.
Rats and mosquitos everywhere.
The walls had cracking paint.
The floor was filthy.
The bathroom was so bad, I took one look and I went outside to piss on some bushes.
When I asked where could I sleep, they flung a thin @ss dirty AF mattress on the floor, no pillow, and told me that's my bed. There was on fluorescent lightbulb giving off a feeble, 'vibrating' light that cast most of the room in shadows. The paint on the bedrails was chipped and stained, the small cupboard beside the bed was greasy with accumulated dirt so thick you could write in it.
I was quite stressed over the medical emergency for my mother and depressed because of the room, but I sucked it up and stayed for the night since we were to transfer to Delhi and a much better hospital in the morning. You know; one where you couldn't get infections just from touching the bed rails.
I fell asleep around 4 am, tired as f*ck. I could hear the rats scratching in the bathroom and see cockroaches on the walls from what little light came through under the door once the lights were out in mother's room. It's so vivid in my memory I can recall every single silly disgusting detail of the room.
And that is the story of the worst place I ever had to spend the night in, a "hOsPiTaL".
A Chartered Boat To A Private Island
I had a boat chartered to drop me off on a small island, and was scheduled to pick us up the next day.
As it turns out, we weren't able to get off the beach onto the actual island because of a razor sharp barnacle wall surrounding the whole area, so we were trapped on a sand bar until the next morning.
So unfortunately, as night fell, the tide started rising, and only a tiny sliver of the sand bar stayed above sea level. The ground was soaking wet and sopped through the tent we were sleeping in, but to add insult to injury, turns out the sand bar was also a huge horseshoe crab mating ground, so the entire island was swarmed by horny horseshoe crabs.
So the rest of the night we basically were wet, cold, and being swarmed by horseshoe crabs f*cking against our tent.
Truly one of my worst nights
The Doll Room
80s horror GIF by absurdnoiseGiphyMy aunties house. She collects dolls. Antique, creepy @ss dolls. Her guest room doubled up as one of her doll storage rooms.
Imagine being in a room with hundreds of creepy dolls on shelves all around the room, all staring at you. Didn't help that her house is Victorian and weirdly laid out. Her living room was ground floor, and then you'd go down a steep set of stairs into the basement (which is where the guest room was..) this led out to her back yard, weird house built on a weird slope.
I couldn't move from fear, I literally lay there all night terrified to move incase one of the dolls moved. 😂 Branches hitting against the window and the rattling of her heating pipes helped make it a very horrific night.
I refused to ever sleep there again, so she introduced me to the other guest room (that I didn't know existed) and this room was first floor, zero dolls, pretty pleasant place to sleep. Wtf did she torture me with the doll room 😂😂
Triple Locked Doors
Some crummy motel in Montana.
We had started a road trip and I couple tell I was the only person of color to come through that place for years probably. The maintenance guy followed me into my room and gave me some story about checking to see if the cable was working. Other staff and guests were sizing me up.
I triple locked my door and the window, and I slept with my pocket knife under my pillow that night
Maybe Max Knew
Llano State Park in Junction, TX.
I was five months pregnant and enormous (twas a 12+ lb baby boy) ... it was Memorial Day weekend and we decided to go camping. We had the one baby in the oven, an 18 month old "Max", and a ten year old "Jake".
Why we thought this was a good idea, I'll never know. Chalk it up to rose tinted glasses. We live in the Houston area. The drive alone was arduous enough.
We get there though, and it's lovely and wind blown and wild. We set up camp and the balmy ninety degree temps take a nose dive. We had sleeping bags but this cold was relentless. Plus it was windy.
Max kept crying and crying, something he never did. He was always a chill child. But from the moment we set up camp he had become clingy and fussy and now that night had fallen he was full on wailing.
We didn't know how to handle a crying child. Hand to God, he had never cried like this before. We never had to comfort him. We had no clue what to do besides hold him close and rock him gently.
He didn't seem to be sick. No fever. He wasn't prone to ear infections and his ears didn't seem to be bothering him. He was dressed warmly, unlike the rest of us.
It was full on dark, just past nine, when a park ranger rolled into our campsite. He said he was going to have to ask us to leave if Max didn't settle down because we were disrupting quiet time.
So we gathered our things and bundled into our truck. As soon as we were in the truck Max stopped crying.
He began baby talking and leaned into me and snap! fell asleep. We waited a beat and then moved back to the tent, which we hadn't dismantled yet.
We had just begun to settle down when he woke and began to cry again, this time with renewed vigor. We went back to the truck.
I told my husband he and Jake should go ahead and sleep in the tent and I would stay in the truck with Max, the screamer. Quietly, they did just that. A couple of minutes later Max woke up screaming again. He didn't settle down until my husband and Jake got back into the truck.
We resigned ourselves to a long, uncomfortable night cramped in the truck. I needed to pee, but didn't dare leave because I thought Max would wake up crying again. Max slept through the night.
As soon as dawn broke we packed up the rest of our stuff and in the midst of doing that my husband saw fresh, large piles of animal scat behind the area where our tent had been pitched.
Now there haven't been bears, wolves or mountain lions in Texas in decades. But that was one big pile of sh*t.
Maybe Max knew something we didn't know. In any case... that was THE most uncomfortable, long night ever.
10% Off
On a drive to Florida, my dad pulled into a Super 8 in Tifton, Georgia. I had misgivings from the get-go, as the place didn't look great, but it was only one night. Only one night, you can live through anything, right?
For some reason, my father was adamant that no one but himself enter the lobby to check in. We absolutely had to stay inside the car at all costs. This was the first clue that perhaps something wasn't quite right, as this rule was not so strictly maintained elsewhere.
Upon opening our room door, a moldy smell immediately hit our nostrils. Stepping into the room gave a strange sensation on our feet, which quickly revealed itself to be caused by the stickiness of the carpet. Oddly, the carpet had also been cut up and laid back down repeatedly. A quilt carpet. One does so wonder why.
The entire room was covered with a layer of dust - some surfaces moreso than others. The nightstands, for example, only had a light, but visible coating; the beer cans crumpled and stashed behind the television, on the other hand, boasted a good quarter- to half-inch. The walls had a odd sickly yellow tone, as though they'd been plastered with successive layers of smoke, dirt, and general bodily fluids.
My emotions ran so high that I felt as though I simply was too overwhelmed to respond. My mother, God bless her, did that for us, by throwing a protest, but my father pointed out that this place was cheap, and it's not like we could stay anywhere else on such short notice if we abandoned this place. Further protests were met with a firm refusal to allow us to stay elsewhere. It was only one night, after all...
We attempted to make the best of it. I went to brush my teeth, but found myself unable to do so when the water from the sink faucet was brown. Attempting to procure water from the bathtub produced the same result. At this point, I realized I had few options outside of simply going to bed and hoping to fall asleep and wake up and get the hell away from this horrible, horrible place.
I pulled back the bed sheets, which had the texture of laundered sandpaper, and immediately noticed an odd type of circular hole I'd never seen before. "Cigarette burn," my mother said. She also warned me not to look at the underside of the bedspread, or inside the nightstand drawers, or behind or underneath the bed, with the implication that this had been done during my fruitless attempt to procure clean water in the bathroom.
I didn't sleep. We arrived in Florida the next day. My father sent off a lengthy, angry email of complaints to the Super 8's management, and in return, received a tepid apology and 10% his next stay in response. "Screw that," we responded in unison.
Or so we thought.
A week later, guess what parking lot we pulled into in Tifton, Georgia?
While my mother screeched and I fought tears, my father shouted about how they'd given him 10% off.
The Astrodome
The Astrodome during hurricane Rita. I got to take a shit in a trash can with an audience of dozens and that was one of the nicer parts of that week.
The smell in that place must have been dense.
Wow, that's just miserable sounding. Glad you survived it.
An Italian Cave
Ironically in Italy's beautiful Cinque Terre.
But we were sleeping in a cave by the beach that we didn't know was preoccupied.
Me and my brother were travelling with basically no money and decided it would be super fun to sleep on the streets instead of spending money on a hostel.
Our Mother had gifted us this trip for our birthdays and paid and planned the whole trip. Most nights she had booked us a place to stay but some nights she planned for us to find our own accommodation. She didn't know this but we had no spending money as we were broke as hell. One night we decided to spend the money we did have on booze instead of a hostel.
We searched the day for good spots to sleep and found a couple of good options. We stumbled across a cave by the touristy part of one of the beaches. There are five famous beaches that are extremely crowded during the day but at night everybody returns to the hotels and restaurants leaving the area clear. The cave we found was out of the way slightly enough and nobody goes there at night time.
Once it got late enough we headed over to the cave with different bits of cardboard we found in a dumpster. We set up two cardboard beds are drank Italian wine while watching the beautiful night sky over the sea with waves crashing. We thought we were in heaven.
The first hour was fine but soon enough the novelty and wine were wearing off. We realized the genius cardboard idea wasn't so comfortable after only an hour. Restlessness I can handle. What came next though still has me itching.
Once we had settled, stopped talking and started trying to go to sleep we started to hear little noises coming from within the cave. Squicky little noise letting us know we weren't alone.
I don't have any phobias and am really not scared of much but it's at this stage I should mention my childhood fear of rats. When I was little my father, who was a history teacher, would tell me stories including the history of the Black Plague. The tales of disease caused by rats haunted my young dreams and to this day I can't handle the sight of a rat.
So here we are trying to get to sleep when we start to hear the little noises and footsteps getting closer and closer.
We ended up making it through the night without any serious rat interactions. We were so creeped out by the rats that we resorted to setting up a rat barrier. We had plastic bags that we set up a perimeter around our sleeping area. It wouldn't keep the rats out but if they walked over the plastic bags they would make a ruffling sound notifying us if a rat was getting too close.
All night long the plastic alarms were going off making us jump up screaming and yelling trying scare off the rats. The cave itself also had little tiny rocks falling from the ceiling at random times. These little rocks also started tripping our plastic security alarm.
What we thought was going to be a night to remember ended up being a night to remember.
Not Even My Worst Tinder Hookup
BDSM themed love hotel in Tokyo after I missed the last train home. 3AM. Drunk off my ass with a tinder date.
Neither of us are good at Japanese. Call first place that pops up on Google maps as taking reservations at 3am. Go.
Oh lawd, there is a cage in this motherf*cker, it is in a basement of a very dubious looking building. The "bed" is a hard rubberized block. There are no sheets. There are no pillows. Reception gave us 3 towels to lie down on the bed.
There is the scariest shower room I've ever seen (don't worry, I did not take a shower in there), and no toilet - so if you have to pee, you have to walk down past reception to the shared toilets.
I can hear a lady screaming in another room. I am with a guy I met 4 hours ago and if he wants to murder me, i reckon nobody will come to find out till at least morning. On the other hand, dude didn't live here like I do and was probably thinking I was going to murder him or at least mug him.
In good news, I didn't get murdered. Had an alright time, made fun of badly censored porn that was on the TV, slept on a puddle of towels on a rubberized bed with a stranger as both of us hoped not to wake up with the other one absconding with our valuables, and train-of-shamed home in the morning.
Was my first Tinder hookup. It was not my last one or my worst one (dude was a cool guy, it wasn't his fault, and he took it all in stride and wasn't an a**hole. Also, he is probably on Reddit, I wonder if he will see this?).
Moral of the story: If you are going to hoe, know where to go so you aren't caught out and have to sleep in a cold ass dungeon without a single pillow. Also know when the fck the last train runs if you aren't ready to pay for a room and you don't look like a freaking idiot.
The Death Of Innocence
I went to an all girls boarding school in Africa that was known as a farmers daughter school.
During a time where farmers were being killed to take their land, there was a riot outside of the school. We listened to the mob outside the fence (maybe 100 feet from our room) chanting about the different ways they were going to r*pe and torture us if they got in.
I was 12. I have never been so terrified in my life.
They finally dispersed at about 5AM... and we were required to get up and 6 to go to class. Definitely the day any innocence I had died.
Camping In South Florida
Went camping in South Florida in the summer when I was about 10. My older brother insisted on setting up the tent, and all was great until a massive thunderstorm in the middle of the night.
That's when our tent flooded because he had picked a nice concave spot to set up. Good job, brother!
Commence three kids whining about being soaked, so we all went to go sleep in the car. After the rain stopped it got super hot in the car so we opened the windows...But it being summer in Florida, within about five minutes we were swarmed with mosquitoes and spent the rest of the night wide awake smacking them and itching (and probably bickering and complaining, if I recall correctly, as we were little shits when in close quarters).
The inside of my mom's car the next morning looked like an insane tiny massacre had happened, with bloody mosquito splats everywhere.
The spots were still there years later, and a great way to piss my mom off REAL quick was to dare to mention them, lol.
How to lose a job in 10 seconds.
Now, that sounds like a fun show to watch.
It is astonishing how fast people can lose their jobs.
Some people really need to learn how to actually exist at a job.
You'd think it'd be simple... but no.
Redditor Quintowne wanted to hear about all of the ways some employees have been let go, so they asked:
"What is the fastest way you've seen someone get fired?"
With many years in food service under my belt, I've had more co-workers than Mars, Incorporated has made M&M's.
So many were gone by the end of shift one.
Secrets
Car Police GIF by BabylonBeeGiphy"New person got access to the medical records system. Week 2 - Looked up our boss and bragged about it. Was walked out and gone the second week."
JenntheGreat13
Okay. Bye.
"My first job was in a small grocery store and my boss asked a coworker to do the dishes in the bakery (baking pans, etc). She replied: 'I only do my own dishes, somebody else put these here so I’m not doing them. I’m serious. Fire me if you want, I won’t do them.'"
"Boss says 'Okay then, don’t bother finishing your shift, goodbye!'"
Selios2112
Sticky Fingers
"First day at work, hired by a temp agency. Me and one other guy, we put stuff in boxes and tape them shut, stack boxes on a pallet. He can't keep up, can barely use a tape gun, and decides it's time for a break. Goes to the lunch room and takes a lunch. It was the boss's lunch, he stole the guy's meal his wife prepared for him. The boss man came over 15 minutes later and wanted to know who ate his BBQ, sticky fingers, and BBQ on his shirt he denied it. I just looked at him and the Boss and said well I hope it was good man."
BigNotGay420
He Was Warned
"Worked at an ISP back in the 90s and had a guy working late shift. Found out quickly he wasn't answering the phone at all, but just playing video games. He was warned. The next day he walks in to work with a Voodoo2 graphics card to install in his work computer to improve the game playing. Fired before he sat down."
Beestung
"Oh Gawd, just reading the word voodoo brought out a flash of memories I buried."
calamnet2
Oh Willy
wet willy martial arts GIFGiphy"First day on the job, gave another coworker a wet-willy. Sh*t you not."
themoistdonut
I have never understood this wet willy thing.
Completely disgusting.
Who even came up with it?
Loopholes
Angry Season 4 GIF by The OfficeGiphy"Had a coworker explain to our supervisor how he found this great loophole for making extra money: if a customer had exact change, he’d just pocket the cash and cancel the order on the register."
DudebroggieHouser
On the Spot
"Had a supervisor start selling Amway from his office, hinted at favorable treatment for anyone who would buy. Reported him to HR--and when they asked if it was true, he pulled out a catalog and tried to sell them something. Fired on the spot."
walkingknight
"I did customer support at a software company that sold to other businesses, and every one of us had one customer that we hated a hell of a lot more than any other. The guy who sat next to me hated Amway."
MajorNoodles
"A high school friend's dad offered me a job with his company after I graduated, it was 'Do the interview and then go to work.' The interview consisted of a five-minute spiel about the company and a 45-minute Amway sales pitch with the understanding that if I didn't agree to sell Amway for him, I wouldn't get the job. Dad called me a couple of days later wondering to know why I didn't take the job. I started to work at about the same time the former interviewer stopped working there."
m945050
$100
"Half an hour. Working in Arby's, a new girl shows up. They run her through how to work the cash register on a few dummy orders. She takes a real order or two and then it gets slow. She asked to duck out for a minute to smoke and never came back. Register ended up being $100 short that day."
AaronKMartinez
"Always smart to rob a place after giving them your name and address."
Bobby_Newpooort
Hangover
"The guy responsible for opening the shop on Saturday morning went out and got blitzed on Friday night. We showed up to work to find his car in the lot but the doors locked. He didn't answer his phone. Had to call the owner in to get us inside. The guy was fast asleep, under his desk. He was gone before you could say hangover."
davisherm
The Eagle
"I was on a new team hired for corporate sales. They trained us as a group. We were given the task of creating a presentation with graphs and charts to show how we presented to a group and given pointers on how to improve. One guy shows up an hour late, waltzes in, and says he’s tired from the drive-in and says he needs a coffee before settling in. We are in suit and tie, and he’s wearing a dress shirt with a huge eagle on the front and jeans."
"He comes back a few minutes later, and when asked to present, he says he didn’t prepare anything, but he’s happy to answer any questions they may have about presentations. We all looked at each other in disbelief. Fired on the spot by the Manager. I heard that they asked him to return his laptop, and he stiffed them for months before they sent a repo man to his door to pick it up."
WildBillyBoy33
Buh-Bye
jumping episode 11 GIFGiphy"A colleague let a middle school kid drive the bus. Buh-bye!"
Useful_Exchange3583
"When I was in middle and high school they hired students with driver's licenses to drive the busses. This was in the 80's."
Calypso_gypsie
My school bus drivers were all nuts.
I always thanked GOD when I got home in one piece.
Different regions around the world are known for specific foods and customs.
In the United States, each state becomes officially and unofficially known for certain things.
Like if you think of Pennsylvania you might think cheesesteaks or the Amish. Nevada might bring thoughts of gambling.
California might evoke beaches or Hollywood. Alaska is known for it's wilderness and fishing industry.
If you say Florida Man you associate batsh*t escapades in the news, transphobia and book bans—we're looking at you, Ron.
Each state has their own flag, motto, bird, flower and in some cases an animal or food.
The Maine Coon cat is the official state cat of Maine.
Bee Felten-Leidel on Unsplash
So what if all the states held a big party and everyone brought what they're known for?
Reddit user Jacob4L posited:
"America is having a house party. What does your state bring and do?"
All Y'all
"North Carolina: We show up as twins, one brings pulled pork with Eastern NC sauce, the other shows up with ribs covered in Western NC sauce. We proceed to get drunk on shine and argue bitterly over which is better."
"Our little brother (South Carolina) shows up with some grilled chicken covered in mustard based sauce, and we forget our argument and gang up on him for being a complete disappointment to the family."
~ notmy2ndacct
"South Carolina brings a Bible and spends the first part of the evening preaching and the last part getting drunk and fighting about BBQ sauce."
~ Tinker107
"Tennessee. We bring whisky, a guitar for a sing-a-long and Dolly Parton."
~ rhapsody98
Giphy"Virginia: Eastern Virginia will bring chips with that white sauce that confuses so many people."
"Central Virginia will bring tons of different craft beers and wine."
"Northern Virginia will bring company-branded fleece vests to hand out as party favors."
"I got no idea what goes on in the western part of the state, to be honest."
~ FalloutRip
"Western Virginia? Moonshine."
~ Capable-Pepper-860
"Georgia brings several party trays of fried chicken and waffles as well as an obscene volume of IPA beers."
"Spends the evening standing around the trucks outside with Alabama, Tennessee, the Carolinas, Florida, and Mississippi talking about mudding, camping, fishing, and hip-hop."
~ DoTheRustle
"Louisiana here. We will bring crawfish, gator bites and beer. It’s the best we can do."
~ Any_Load_7400
"Florida dances on the table, but falls off and puts a hole in the wall."
~ VkingMD
"We bring Florida man, he brings national news coverage."
~ 7ordank
"Alabama?"
"We’ll bring the folding chairs."
~ streety22
"Kentucky—we come in riding a horse. We bring Kentucky fried chicken, good bourbon and tobacco. After the bourbon we drink mint julips."
~ My_Space_page
"West Virginia brings the couch to burn on the porch."
~ MisnthropicPeplPrsn
"West Virginia will definitely bring pepperoni rolls."
~ amyayou
Go West
"We bring cheese dip! It was invented in Little Rock, Arkansas! Then we call the Hogs!"
~ clm1020
"Arkansas. Gon' bring possum stew and cheese dip, then insist on saying grace."
~ flatcurve
"My state has a state meal, so I'm apparently bringing all the things: 'The official state meal of Oklahoma consists of fried okra, cornbread, barbecue pork, squash, biscuits, sausage and gravy, grits, corn, strawberries (state fruit), chicken fried steak, pecan pie, and black-eyed peas'."
~ mcorbett76
"Texas. We'll bring Barbecue Beef Brisket and all the guns & ammo for the shooting events."
~ Exciting_Ad811
"Texas brings steaks and a Bible for everyone. Then proceeds to let your 9 year old play with their gun."
~ Chadwickr
Giphy"Eeeeee! New Mexico shows up late with his homies in a low rider and brings several 30 packs of Bud Light. Then his abuela brings some green chile enchiladas and biscochitos for dessert."
~ VK56xterraguy
"Arizona, We'll bring Sonoran dogs and tequila and turn the thermostat to 110º."
"¡Orale!"
~ GhostofEdgarAllanPoe
"Nevada. Gambling and hookers baby!"
~ raidernation0825
Giphy"Colorado is bringing weed and also bringing the psychedelic mushrooms. We’re pretty much the best party guest anyone could ask for."
~ runthebrews
"Utah brings the Jell-O and turn their nose up to all the sinners."
~ InHouseDriveBy
Pacific Coast Vibes
"Oregon would bring weed, craft beer, and Tillamook cheddar with crackers."
~ honvales1989
"Alaska. We are driving down and I’m gonna beat up Texas (who’s been telling everyone they’re the biggest guy)."
"Also I’m gonna tell everyone I like Hawaii, but Hawaii is gonna say 'I barely know Alaska'."
"Washington is our friend. Washington always lets us come over and hang out."
~ SpiritualCat842
"Washington and Alaska. Both would probably bring salmon, crab and Indigenous dancing."
~ MabezJK
Giphy"California is hosting the party and paying for everything you damn cheapskates."
~ rextremendae2007
"From Hawaii we bring lau lau, Kalua pork, hula and aloha!"
~ No_Communication4252
"Hawaii, can you bring spam masubi too?"
~ coldfry
GiphyHead Back East
"A drunken Montanian riding a horse inside, with a plate of Rocky mountain oysters."
~ 1d0m1n4t3
"Idaho. We're bringing the potato salad, mashed potatoes, baked potatoes, potato chips, potato bread, French fries, tater tots, and vodka."
~ teethalarm
Did anyone remember to invite Wyoming?
"South Dakota will just be outside on its Harley drunk, revving the engine trying to impress chicks until 3am keeping the neighbors awake."
~ ILikeTuwtles91
"The Juicy Lucy. 100 years ago Minnesota discovered you can put cheese inside the hamburger and we've been riding that high ever since."
"Please talk to us we're surrounded by corn and Wisconsin."
~ NsaAgent25
"Iowa. A couple of cases of Busch Light, corn and the Pork Producers trailer grill to start grilling chops. We spend the entire night with Minnesota and Wisconsin making fun of Nebraska."
~ baronvonhawkeye
"Nebraska shows up with a massive Snickers Salad in an old, gallon-sized ice cream bucket and a 30-rack of Busch 'Lattes' shouting 'GOOOOOOO BIIIIIIIIIIIG REEEEEDDDDD' in the blind faith that someone, somewhere will respond 'GOBIGRED!!!' And they will. They will."
~ SunNecessary3222
Giphy"North Dakota is bringing lefse, rolled with butter and sugar."
"And you’re all gonna love it!"
~ TalkKatt
"Wisconsin. I show up undetectably drunk. I bring Cannibal Sandwiches which is ostensibly raw ground beef on white buns."
"I'll have a better time talking to your grampa than any of you and I'll sneak out the back door when I'm ready to leave so that I don't hafta say 'bye'."
~ ralph_deadbeet
"Missouri brings toasted ravioli and gooey butter cake, then gets trashed on Boulevard, Logboat, and Schlafly beers, while the under-21s have Fitz's and Vess."
"Also, a fistfight with Kansas breaks out and Branson plays country music."
~ ElectricalSelf72
"Kansas. We bring bread. We stand in the middle of the party but everyone ignores us except to make jokes about The Wizard of Oz. Unless it's March, when suddenly everyone wants to talk sh*t about our basketball teams."
"At some point we'll get in a fight with Missouri, but we will throw down with anyone who attacks Missouri when the inevitable BBQ war starts."
~ Chipothy
GiphyHome of Industry
"Michigan. We bring coney dogs, ginger-ale, and superman ice cream (you're welcome)."
"What do we do? Get drunk, play some Motown, start a fight with Ohio, then get them to join us to help us throw down with California about who had the real music center of America."
"We (us and Ohio) lose, but we spend the rest of the night licking our wounds, commiserating about how much California sucks, and texting Canada trying to coax her to join the party."
~ stillpacing
"Illinois. Probably bring the Malort, Italian beef, deep dish pizza, and hot dogs with mustard, onions, green relish, diced tomatoes, and sport peppers on a sesame seed bun and some celery salt on top."
~ Zeenomorphs
"Indiana brings some big a** tenderloins, plays cornhole the whole time, and takes 90 minutes to say goodbye."
~ jquadman
"Ohio’s party contribution is a mixed bag."
"Everyone is obsessed with the Buckeye candies they brought but are so sick and tired of the bragging about OSU national championships from a long time ago every time they go to grab one."
"There is now a hefty supply of Bloody Marys at this party thanks to Ohio bringing a gigantic shipment of its state beverage tomato juice."
"Fortunately, Ohio has also brought Smuckers jam to go on toast when everyone’s hungover in the morning."
~ acurah56oh
"Pennsylvania is the second person to arrive, just behind Delaware. It’s a good thing that PA arrives early, because PA brings the best food items—Turkey Hill Ice Cream, Utz Potato Chips, Hershey’s Chocolate, and Wooder Ice."
"Despite smelling slightly like cow manure, PA is generally liked by the rest of the party attendees, but when the conversation shifts to football, PA suddenly wants to fight everyone else at the party."
~ PantherGk7
"Pennsylvania and Ohio will also bring the Amish—who will build us a shelter for if it rains."
~ Mechanical_IT
GiphyMid-Atlantic In the House
"With an armful of Half Smokes and DCBrau, Washington DC tries to explain to the bouncer that he is not exactly a state but he belongs at the party."
"The bouncer begrudgingly let’s him in after examining his DC drivers license for a full minute and conferring with the other bouncers."
"Once inside he bops his head lightly to the music and tries really hard to restrain himself from asking everyone 'So what do you do?'.”
~ MadGeographer
"Maryland is bringing steamed crabs. But we’re late because we drive 20 miles under the speed limit."
~ veryrealzack
"Delaware: that awkward guy that just shows up first and most people don’t know who he is. But hey we brought drinks for everyone and we won’t tax them."
~ DaddyDankSack
"New Jersey. The best Italian food in the Western Hemisphere. Maybe an old mobster for protection if you know a guy who knows a guy."
~ Redditor
"New York brings pizza and won't shut up about how it is better than everyone else's food and they just HAVE to try it. He also interrupts people and claims he is better than everyone."
"Massachusetts, New Jersey, and the South hate him but California doesn't mind hanging out with him for a little bit."
~ ElectricalSelf72
GiphyNew England
"Vermont, We bring maple syrup, b*tch and moan about all of the out-of-staters that we’re driving to said party, craft beer, and weed."
~ ianwrecked802
"Connecticut brings lobster rolls and weird craft beer and cries because New York and Massachusetts ignore it. Then it goes off and drinks with Rhode Island and is okay."
~ neverquite_free
"Connecticut with airpods in, quietly sitting in between Massachusetts and New York on the couch while they scream at each other about the Red Sox and Yankees."
~ bobby_j_canada
"The great state of Rhode Island brings a crock of seafood chowda and complains about how far we had to drive to get to the party."
~ Sociosmith
"Massachusetts are bringing alcohol, chowder, lobster rolls, and some fluffernutters for those who’s drunk food is sugary. Dunkin’ donuts, munchkins and coffee of course."
"We will also bring our sports superiority complex and argue with everyone about it so everyone will learn why Maine calls us Massholes."
~ Aminilaina
"New Hampshire. We’ll bring lots of liquor from the state-run tax-free liquor stores, and we will spend the party chanting 'Live free or die!' And probably arguing with Massachusetts."
~ ProsciuttoPizza
"Maine rides in on a wicked huge moose with a Dunkin' regular spiked with Allen's Coffee Brandy in one hand and a Tim Horton's double-double in the other. We bring red hot dogs, whoopie pies, Moxie, Humpty Dumpty all-dressed chips and our buddy New Brunswick, Canada so we don't have to talk to New Hampshire."
"We tell the flatlanders wanting lobster we don’t give that away for free—it’s wicked expensive for a reason."
"We'll throw a wicked beat down on Massachusetts after they say for the hundredth time we used to be part of their state and they used 'wicked' to describe everything before we did."
"When it gets wicked dark, Stephen King and Joe Hill show up to scare the crap out of everyone with stories around the bonfire."
~ Redditor
GiphyParty Crashers
"New Brunswick, Canada, Maine's next door neighbour, arrives with enough poutine to feed the multitudes."
~ ClerkTypist
"Quebec, Canada files a noise complaint against their loud neighbour. Ultimately, it's ignored."
~ Underhill
"British Columbia, Canada is the neighbour next door slightly jealous for not getting the invite but also a bit scared to visit because those neighbours can be a bit crazy. California, Washington, Alaska and Oregon finally convince them to come."
~ Jewsd
"Ontario, Canada brings an LCBO 8pk of 8 different craft beers you’ve never heard of, and immediately starts trying to convince New York that Daylight Savings Time is garbage, and bitching about Quebec."
"Alberta, Canada brings steaks, while Saskatchewan, Canada brings home made bread. Both of them spend most of the night hanging out with Texas and start sh*t talking Ontario."
"Manitoba, Canada brings mosquitoes."
"The other Canadian Maritime Provinces—Labrador, Nova Scotia and Prince Edward Island—show up piss drunk and have a loud and obnoxious conversation amongst themselves, excluding New Brunswick who's too chummy with Maine and Newfoundland just because they're Newfies.
"Newfoundland, Canada brings a cod fish and rum, and insists that everyone present kiss the fish and take a shot."
"Quebec, Canada finally decides to come bringing ridiculously strong beer. Complains about Ontario to anyone who will listen. They try to flirt with Louisiana en Français, but they get weirded out when they realize they’re cousins. Ends up going home with Ontario at the end of the night."
~ Angryhippo2910
"Yukon, Northwest Territories and Nunavut tell the First Nations the colonizers are all gone and they shut down the border before they can come back."
"Then Kaná:ta has a BIG party."
~ LakotaGrl
Giphy"Scotland and Ireland would be taken into the fold with the moonshine and hard liquor group. Everyone would just be sitting around a bonfire passing around sips of the tasty stuff. Each country/province/state has to bring their best storyteller to this fire."
"Don't worry, all of our accents are basically the same when we are drunk. The slang is where things get dicey, but if the storyteller is worth their weight in salt, it's going to be fine."
~ Dr_mombie
"Minnesota will sneak in Norway and Sweden as Cousin Olaf and Cousin Sven. Oof, da!"
~ hablomuchoingles
"Australia shows up already drunk and proceeds to drink all the beer and complain that it's weak as piss. But we did bring party pies and sausage rolls."
~ BonezOz
"The UK is imposing upon the party unannounced. England is intoxicated and attempting to dominate blasé Scotland; Scotland has copious amounts of whiskey to appease America’s indignation at the UK’s indiscretion."
"Wales has rarebits and hovers disconcerted behind Scotland. Northern Ireland brings Irish whiskey and a Bible and strides over to the Bible Belt states for a bit of religious contention."
"England makes everyone cups of tea at 2 hour intervals."
~ VelvetDreamers
"Mexico shows up at around 2AM, seven deep, and with a worm as a mascot."
"Texas immediately picks a fight with them and at the same time tries to get them to share their food."
~ CountMcBurney
Maarten van den Heuvel on Unsplash
It certainly sounds like a wild time.
Do you think your fellow citizens nailed your state?
What would you add?