Bad dates are a universal experience for most people. I would know--I once went to my date's improv show. That was the date. Never date comedians, y'all.
But then again, I was one of the lucky ones. Because no matter how cringey that improv show was, it wasn't even close to some of these dates from hell. Readysetexplode asked:
What's your worst horror story from a date?
Ah, to be young again. Nothing tops a really bad high school date.
This is some Die Hard sh*t.
“It was a warm summer night, we were 15, and we were in love.
No wait, scratch that, we were 15 and wanted to grind. That's the one.
I was over at my friends place chilling out, He was playing Diablo 2 and I was on the other computer chatting on msn when, lo and behold, she logged on. After some small talk I mentioned I was in town at Joe's (pseudonym) place, and she said I should come over to her house. We had talked beforehand about sex and fooling around, made out a bit, and we both wanted to screw, but parents etc kept getting in the way. I told Joe that I was going to go and try to get laid, and he was understandably supportive. And with that, I was off into the night.
It was midnight or shortly after, cloudy but hot out, and the orange glow from the city lit up the night remarkably well. As I walked and pondered the possible events to come, I was accompanied by the distant yet booming sound of thunder. I really should have noticed the smell of rain in the air... I made quick work of the several blocks between us and came to her house, going to her bedroom window as was previously directed.
Knock Knock. She came to the window with a finger to her lips, wearing a black bra and pink underwear, and pointed down. My eyes followed her gesture to the still form of her young brother lying on her bedroom floor.
She preempted my curiosity with, "He gets afraid of thunderstorms, so he is going to sleep in here tonight", to which I asked with more of a look of disappointment and confusion than words, "But I wanted to plow you, all romantic like!"
Her smile told me I was still in business. I crawled into her window, took off my shoes and left them on her bedroom floor, and we stepped out of her room and made our way to her basement. The lights were out, as we did not want to wake her religious parents, but she knew her way around, and led me past a table to her couch.
After a few minutes of pathetic teenager make out and pawing, things got serious. After the foreplay, we moved onto the sex.
Being the responsible young adult that I was, I had brought 2 condoms, and being the dumb young adults that we were, she advised I wear them both for extra protection, and I did. Cue worst sex ever. but I'm FAIRLY sure it did happen.
In the throes of passion, we were totally unaware that the distant rumbling of thunder had become the storm of the year directly above our town, and the rain and thunder eventually tore our attention away.
Wait a minute... That doesn't sound like rain... That sounds like... FOOTSTEPS!!
To this day, I have yet to see anyone do anything faster than that Christian girl get dressed. She was dressed and tugging at my arm before I had my pants fully done up! So i grabbed my shirt and my socks, and she dragged my up the stairs and across the common room. Well, mostly across. About halfway down the telltale flicker of flashlights descends the stairs, turns out the power had been knocked out by the storm. Not having enough time to get to her room without being seen, she shoved me into the bathroom beside us, and went to address her parents as I climbed into the shower stall and cowered.
Outside I heard them conversing, her parents having no suspicions were quite calm, just asking how her and her brother were doing. Fine. Ok, well then we are going to go back to bed, try and get some sleep. PHEW! I'm in the clear.
Her dad utters a phrase I won't soon forget, "I am just gonna use the bathroom before we go." And steps into my hiding place. Placing the flashlight on the bathroom counter, beam up, I see the silhouette of a large man walk over to within 3 feet of me, and take a piss. I'm fairly sure my heart stopped beating just to make sure he couldn't detect me at all. He finishes, wastes his 1 flush (cmon people, when the power is out, follow the mantra, 'if it's brown, flush it down, if it's yellow, let it mellow') and departs. Parents leave, she comes and gets me, we both sh*t bricks, and then we continue into her room so I can GTFO ASAP.
I get fully dressed, and am sitting on the edge of her bed putting on my last sock when both of our eyes shoot to the bottom of her bedroom door. Flashlights.
I quickly discern that I don't have the time to get out the window undetected, but spot that her bed has a fairly decent rise to it, and luckily for me, was uncluttered underneath. I drop to the floor and ninja vanish mere moments before her parents enter her room. Again, inconsequential chit chat and I feel like I am in the clear. I sigh a breath of relief and let my head rest on her carpet, looking out into the room.
Directly into the eyes of her 5 year old brother lying on the floor, now wide awake, and staring into my soul. I'm done. I'm busted. I'm dead. "Christian father kills horny teenager" is going to be the headline in the newspaper the next day, guaranteed. A million options flash through my mind until I decide on a brilliantly simple choice. Bringing one finger up to my lips, I make the sign for silence and secrecy.
Thank FSM for the playful naivety of children, because he simply smiled and returned the gesture.
Her parents departed, and shortly after, so did I, to enjoy my walk home in the pouring hot summer rain, with ample time to ponder how close I came to a serious sh*t-beating.
Worth it.
Tl;dr Went for a midnight screw and almost got eviscerated by crazy religious parents, ninja'd my way out.”
Yikes.
Jay Z Reaction GIF by ComplexGiphy“Nightmare date occurring RIGHT NOW.
I rode 250 miles to see this redditor I'd been corresponding with for a couple months. She's cute and we get along smashingly, but she had a boyfriend and I didn't want to be in an awkward position so I refrained from visiting. She almost breaks up with him, but she doesn't. She assured me there'd be no problems(?), but sure enough, I pull into her seedy apartment complex and I see 2 people arguing. My spidey sense tingled so I doubled back, parked, and called her. They are now arguing and I'm sitting at a sh*tty convenience store...fml"
[deleted]
Parents Explain Why They Regret The Name They Gave Their Child | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
Denmark has very strict laws to protect children from bizarre names. Parents must choose from a list of 7,000 pre-approved names. And if they choose a name o...Smooth move.
“I was on a first date with a girl and I also worked with. We'd been flirting for weeks and had wonderful chemistry. Our date was great and had a life of its own. She drove. At the end of the 6-hour long date, we were sitting in her parked car in front of my house, continuing the captivating conversation. We had a work meeting the next morning, so when it came time for me to go, I started to exit the car and said ‘See you tomorrow’. She sheepishly said ‘I can't wait that long’. Without thinking, I replied, ‘Well, you're gonna have to’ and slammed the car door.
I didn't realize what she meant, or how what I said came across, for some time, like the next day.”
Thanks a lot, dad.
“She comes to pick me up ( I couldn't drive yet ), she's waiting with the car running in the driveway and calls me because she's somewhat scared of my dad. I come out the front door, my dad follows me wondering where I'm going. He see's the girl and decides he's going to ‘embarrass’ me. He proceeds to tackle me onto the lawn and pretend like he's kicking the sh*t out of me. She drives off in panic. Thanks dad.”
If you thought your dating experiences were bad, you’re not ready for these next few.
Fragile egos don’t make for good dates.
Willy Wonka And The Chocolate Factory Tantrum GIFGiphy“So we're still in high school, and we'd been hanging out forever, really liked each other. He's a pretty decent nerdy guy, we play Starcraft together all the time, have a couple of classes together. He takes me to a Magic tournament.
Cool! I register and I start playing. I advance, and he throws a hissy fit after I beat him... and refuses to drive me home. The guy behind the counter guilts him into taking me home, and we're about half-way through the awkward silence home when he gets pulled over by the cops for speeding. Instead of cooperating, he throws a f*cking fit and starts yelling. Officer asks him to step out of the car, and he eventually does. I'm in tears, so the nice officer calls my parents to come and get me from the side of the road, because he's taking DateGuy to the station for belligerence and, as he said, ‘Totally ruining your night’. I had to answer a ton of questions with the guy sitting in the back of the cop car, glaring daggers at me.
Worst date I've ever had, and I had to continue taking classes with him until the end of the year. We never spoke again.
Awkward af.
“I had a dud first date - we had nothing to talk about, and none of the social skills or inclination to make small tall.
We made it half way through the second drink before both abandoning the idea.
I walk her back to her car - she collapses on the way.
I call an ambulance, and end up in the emergency waiting room wondering exactly what my obligations are to a girl I don't know.
I stick it out for 4 hours until she's discharged.
I ask her to call me when she gets home, to make sure she gets there ok - she doesn't call.”
This is just plain cringe.
“Was set up on a blind date by a co-worker. Things went reasonably well- ok conversation, he seemed to be genuinely nice. My co-worker and her boyfriend double dated with us for moral support. We went back to the co-worker's house after dinner to watch a movie together. That's when things got weird.
Co-worker and boyfriend left the room to give us some "alone time". Immediately, my date tried to kiss me. It was one of those approaches with his tongue hanging out. I nicely rejected the kiss, saying it was too soon for that type of affection for me. So he shifted his attention to my feet. I was wearing open toed shoes and he grabbed a foot in his hand and asked if he could rub my feet. I declined and he began to beg. Told me that he loved feet and would love to suck on my toes. I declined again, started to get a bit scared. He made a last ditch effort by asking if he could just sniff them once. I gathered my things and left ASAP.
He followed me to my car and tried to beg me in a baby-talk voice to come back, me and my "widdle piggies" (toes). I kept expecting a camera crew to pop out from behind a tree proclaiming that I had indeed been "punk'd". I was as nice as possible about everything, citing that I just needed some time to get comfortable with someone before becoming affectionate. I pulled out of the driveway in such a hurry that I squealed my tires a bit.
I had no intention of seeing him again since he had violated my personal space so much. I (probably wrongly) passive aggressively ignored his phone calls and myspace messages. He couldn't take a hint though, and called 20 times in one day. I finally manned up and told him that I wasn't interested in pursuing a relationship. He immediately got nasty, called me a tease, and told me never to contact him again. Weirdest date ever."
Considering the fact that these posts were written in 2010, it’s safe to say that people aren’t going on dates from MySpace anymore. Although Tinder isn’t much worse…
What an a**hole.
Ben Stiller Basketball GIFGiphy“He called 20 minutes before he was supposed to pick me up. Told me he'd be a couple hours late because he wanted to play basketball.... the time he was supposed to get me rolled around... no show.... twenty minutes later a car pulls up and his mom gets out....(keep in mind we're freshmen in college)
He sent his parents to come get me. 20 minute drive to his house in the car. Alone with his parents. He proceeded to talk about the girl he was in love with for the rest of the date and ended it with an awkward hug stating that it wouldn't work because we lived too far away.”
So much for dancing.
“Went dancing with a girl from work; first date with anyone, 25 years old - zero social skills, naturally. Wisely, I let her do all the talking, and we have a decent enough time. She doesn't even seem to notice my awkwardness, and I start to loosen up and even show a bit of confidence. "Hey, this is sort of fun!", I say to myself.
I explain that I can't dance, but she goads me into giving it a try - just one slow song. She'll walk me through it, she says, no big deal. No one's watching. My blood pressure shoots through the roof, but I'm still on a high, and hardly noticing my hands trembling and my pulse approaching a dangerous rate. We go over to the floor and she puts my hand on her waist and takes my other hand in hers.
Instantly, my breath leaves me and the room fills with pea soup fog. The arteries in my forearms and throat contract painfully and a crushing sensation overtakes me; fade to black. My memory cuts out at that point, but I'm told that I managed to crawl to the corner of the room after hitting the floor.
When I came to, I was completely numb and paralyzed from head to toe, gasping for breath, but getting almost none at all. The crushing feeling intensified and I lost consciousness several more times in the next hour or so as I lay in the corner. Eventually I regained enough feeling in my legs to pull myself upright, stagger to a stool, and order an orange juice. My scalp and tongue were still numb, but I managed to drink it down and gather my thoughts enough to remember where I was, what day it was, and how I had gotten there. In another hour I was aware enough to risk driving home, which I did as slowly and deliberately as I could with my still-dull reflexes and persisting numbness. I made it back to my room and slept until past noon the next day, still a bit numb and groggy even then.
My date, I found out later, had been profoundly embarrassed by my actions, and left immediately after I fell. She forgave me and never mentioned it to anyone, as far as I know.
Tl;dr: first date; tried dancing with a girl; had some sort of stroke (I think*); blacked out; girl leaves, but agrees not to tell anyone about it."
[deleted]
People think this sh*t is cute, but it’s just creepy.
“He wanted to watch a movie at his house. Turns out, he wanted to watch G.I. Jane. Turns out, it's his favorite movie. Turns out, he gets so pumped when watching it he wears his army fatigues and spontaneously does pushups every 5 minutes.
Then we go for a walk and he insists on holding my hand and practically hanging on it for the entire walk.
Finally I get to my house and send him home, relieved to finally be alone. 5 minutes later, I hear something hit my window. Then again. He's outside, throwing rocks at my window. He tells me he loves me, and gazes up at me with a sh*t-eating grin. He had to see me again! I tell him, ‘Go home!’
I think about how I'm going to break up with this extraordinarily needy dude. It digs at me all night.
In the morning when I leave for work I find flowers under my windshield wiper, and a poem. First dates can be gruesome.”
Bad dates can lead to bad consequences.
Not a good look when you’re in twenties.
Alejandro Jodorowsky Party GIF by Endless PoetryGiphy“Last year, I started screwing around with a coworker of mine. BAD IDEA. We decided to go to a party as our first date-like thing. The party was at her house (she had like 6 roomates in this giant house). Now, I'm not really a big drinker, but these people (all of whom are well into their 20's) were just getting schwasted off of Barton's Vodka. I've never seen a more childish abuse of alcohol.
Yada yada yada, everybody at this party (25 people or so?) started drinking at about 10, and were all passed out in piles of their own vomit all around the house, high-school style. The girl I'm with, after throwing up on her bed, drunkenly begs me to stay and take care of her. Because of my hatred of immature drunk people, I simply leave (kind of a d*ck move, I know). The next day my boss talked to me and said that I wouldn't be working with her anymore because she threatened to fill out a sexual harassment case or something against me. Whoa!
Worst date ever.”
Yiiiiikes.
“I had no car at 17 but thought I would be creative about taking a girl to a movie without involving my parents:
I invited this girl I had a crush on to come to the movies with me and two guy friends. We sat in the back seat together, and sat next to each other at the movies. For the most part my friends left us alone and it seemed like we were on a quiet, awkward, conversation-less first date. I was pretty lame but tried my best to keep her interest in the few moments a movie-date provides. But on the ride back to her house, my best friend happened to play some music she liked on the stereo and they started talking. She immediately opened up and the two of them hit it off instantly (while I was sitting next to her in the back seat, silently raging). She dated my best friend for a year after that.”
Grease was NOT the word that night.
“I went on a date one time when I was in elementary school with a girl I met through a girl in my class. We were going to see Grease, (the 20th anniversary release in 1998) and we had a lot of time to kill before the movie started. Being the adventurous young chap that I was, I decided to get some Milk Duds from the snack counter, as I had never eaten them before. I thought, "Milk chocolate? Caramel? I love both of them, so together, they should be amazing!"
I had a few of them, and they were pretty good. I waited for them to melt, then chomped down and ate them. After a few, however, I became impatient of waiting for them to soften up and started to just bite through them. It was a little challenging biting through solid caramel, but nothing terrible.
However, one Milk Dud was more difficult to chew than the rest. I popped this particular one to the back of my mouth, and the caramel core decided to latch itself onto one of my molars. I pulled and pulled to try to get it unstuck from my teeth, but the caramel was too much for my young teeth. In trying to open up my mouth, I ended up ripping the stuck molar from my mouth with the hard Milk Dud still attached. The molar wasn't even loose, it just got pulled out!
It's strange enough going on dates when you're that young. It's stranger when it's with a girl you met only once prior to the date. It's strangest when you end up ripping out a not-loose tooth with a Milk Dud still attached, and then have to sit through Grease.
Note: I have not eaten a Milk Dud since.”
Definitely a Team Jacob kinda dude.
robert pattinson team edward GIFGiphy“Not really a date, but still...
I met a girl in a club whilst working as a nightlife photographer - you meet a lot of girls that way, its a good ice breaker. She was pretty, sweet and funny, and we kept bumping into each other throughout the night as I worked. Ended up finishing work and getting to chat to her a bit, things were great, and we ended up going back to her place for a bit of drunken rumpy pumpy.
When we got into her room it was like a normal student room, posters on the wall etc, typical girl stuff, y'know? Twilight poster, calendar of a boy band, some frilly stuff... all that. Quite cute. Anyway, we got down to business, and we were nearly naked when she whispers into my ear in the sexiest way possible, "Bite me like Edward".
I had my clothes on and was out of the door faster than you could even imagine.”
[deleted]
Seems logical.
“Long story short. Christmas party went well. met a girl. Woke up in her apartment, in her bed, naked on top of the covers. Woke up because a man in the doorway was angrily asking me, "is that my daughter?" He had come to pick her up for Christmas vacation and her roommates let him in. I answered, "no." by the way. Seemed the only smart thing to do.”
If your memories of first dates make you cringe, just remember, at least your date didn’t throw a tantrum over a Magic the Gathering tournament. That story was unreal.
And if you have a history of bad dates, don’t worry- the right person WILL come along, and they will provide good memories that will give you hope for relationships again.
People are required to have a license to drive, fish, and have certain jobs.
So it boggles my mind that people aren't required to have a license to have kids.
Some of the cruelest and most vicious things I've ever heard were words uttered by a parent to a child.
As an adult, I was haunted by a few thigs.
I can't imagine the scaring of an adolescent.
Redditor Tight_Anywhere6794 wanted to hear about the things parents have said in the past that haunts everyone still, so they asked:
"What insult have your parents said, that is stuck in your head as an adult?"
I've been blessed with the mother I had.
So I can't speak from experience.
But I've heard parenting horror stories.
Bad Expressions
Sad Kid GIF by 1tvGiphy“'You’re so annoying.' Said to me as a young kid while I was expressing enthusiasm over some new interest. Later my father complains I never tell him anything."
foppishyyy
Mean Spirited
"What did I do to deserve a fat kid?"
Silosolo
"My parents also mocked me for being fat, and outright physically abused me as in forcefully grabbed my fat child manboobs or slapped me while calling me fat-related names."
"A lot of people at school did it too, so obviously I have a lot of self-image issues like I never let anyone see me without clothes these days. The worst part is that I legitimately internalized a lot of hate, I could never care for myself enough to actually get fit."
FoeWithBenefits
What's My Name?
"My parents divorced when I was young and they hate each other. My mom would call me my dad's name when she was really upset. What makes it worse is that I confided in her that I never wanted to be like my dad. She used that ammunition against me."
Discarded_Pariah
"That's awful. You are your own person. You aren't your father."
blksmnr
Unfunny
"'You can't even laugh right.'"
"My mom in a weird moment I thought we were bonding. There's something inherently extra evil when someone tells you your joy is wrong. Told her I'm engaged and hoped she could at least be happy I'm happy and she ghosted everyone to the point the family thought died. She's a mess."
BlindEditor
"I'll never understand parents that are so hard on their own children that they can't even be happy for them. So their sole function is to bring misery to their offspring?"
macabre_irony
Evil
Oh My God Wow GIF by The Roku ChannelGiphy"My little brother was drowning, I tried to save him but also almost drowned, we got rescued by a neighbor. My mom told me that they should've left me in the pond. I haven't spoken to her in many years."
Ilookbetterthanyou
Good Lord. How do people like this exist?
Tragic.
HIM
"She told me I was acting just like my father when I would get upset. I would just get kinda pissy and sulk. He would go on rampages and scream and hit and throw things. He pushed her down the stairs once. I would never lay a finger on my current partner. The worst part is I look just like him. I was wondering if my mother always expected me to turn into my dad. I prove her wrong every day."
rot_grl
10 Years Old
"When I was ~10 years old, my mum once said 'If I could go back in time and make sure I never gave birth to you, I would in a heartbeat.'"
"Never forgot it. Talked to her about it a couple of times years later and her responses ranged from 'That never happened' to 'Oh yeah and I suppose I’m just the worst mother ever' and finally 'Yeah but I didn’t mean it, you know that.'"
"Messed me up tho tbh. Another one was '[older sibling] was the only child we actually planned for, the rest of you were accidents.' I don’t think it was intended as an insult, but being told your entire existence was an accident as a child kinda stung."
SpiderP*bes
Failures
“'You’re the biggest mistake I ever made.' - my mother when I was 5. I’m 32 now and it’s been the undercurrent for our relationship ever since, constantly wondering if anything I’ve achieved or struggled for is something she’s genuinely proud of or just relieved to say I wasn’t a total failure on her part."
thefaehost
Generational Issues
"Not a parent but a grandparent, I was adopted when I was 12 years old (my parents were both drug addicts so I was in and out of foster care most of my life) my adopted mother's father turned to me on Christmas Eve when no one else was around and said 'My daughter should have never adopted you, she should have let you stay on the streets where you belong'… he got nicer as he got older and sicker but I couldn’t find it in myself to forget what he said even almost 10 years later. Went to the funeral for moral support but was indifferent about his passing."
samweather227
Just Me
Sad Kids GIF by Cian DucrotGiphy"I was an only child and lonely. When I asked for a sibling, the response was 'If you want to know why we don't have more kids, go look in the mirror.'"
Responsible_Fly_3565
Some people should never have children.
Awful.
A tough realization that most of us have to process and accept at some point is the fact that our parents lied to us when we were kids.
But the tougher fact to process may not be the lying itself, but some of the lies that were told along the way.
Redditor Fearless-surfur-ee asked:
"What was the biggest lie you believed?"
Adulting 101
"That adults knew what they were doing."
- yukipurple
"Maybe not ALL adults, but I definitely thought that adults with responsible jobs have their s**t together. Then I realized they do not have their s**t together at all."
"Which in turn makes me feel somewhat better about being an adult with a responsible job who does not have their s**t together."
- kjhwkejhkhdsfkjhsdkf
Moving Violations
"It’s illegal to turn on the dome light while the vehicle is moving."
"Nope. Turns out it’s just annoying as h**l."
- OstrichMan975
A Lottery Trick
"When I was a kid, my cousin convinced me for, like, an hour that her mom had won the lottery. I can still feel the loss of millions of dollars two decades later, and that s**t hurts, bro."
"WHY, JESSICA, WHY?!"
- iforgotwhereiparked
That Truth Hurts
"I’ll fill up my car with gas before work tomorrow morning."
- hoangtudude
"I will do stuff like this for my fiancé in a heartbeat, but if I need to fill up my own gas tank to avoid doing it tomorrow? That sounds like a problem for future me."
- robbviously
When That Grief Hits Seven Years Later...
"My mom told me when I was five and my favorite dog died that it doesn't matter that dogs die, because in seven years, they respawn."
"So I was like, 'Oh, fine. See you then, bud, I will be older, and we will play again.'"
- josevilla7
Replacement Pets
"My hamster died while I was in school. Went back home, and I instantly saw he was a little bit different."
"My mum tricked me into thinking it was the same hamster and he hadn't changed a bit."
"Mom told me the truth a few years later. I was so p**sed off."
- changethename7
"My mom has done the same thing with my nephew’s parakeet. One day, Pickles #1 flew into the pantry, somehow got stuck in a case of Diet Coke, and got crushed by a can avalanche."
"He was immediately replaced by Pickles #2. My nephew asked why Pickles was so mean to him now. Pickles #2 is an a**hole."
"I’m suspicious that we are on Pickles #3 now but I don’t want to know for sure."
- Brotox123
"My mother's cousin did that with her little boy's rabbit."
"The new rabbit was a psychopath. Having his previously loving rabbit now hate him and repeatedly attack him was almost certainly more traumatizing than learning about death."
"I always wondered if stories like that were part of the inspiration for 'Pet Sematary.'"
- victoriaj
Just in Case
"The microwave will explode if I put my face too close to it while it’s heating food."
- ezzysalazar
A SUPER Secret Affair
"That my parents were married."
"The truth is, my father was, just not to my mother."
- left_over_croissant
A Creative Story
"That my dad moved out and rented a room in the house of a female friend for tax reasons."
- Eldhannas
Such Good Friends
"Outside of dumb lies your parents tell you as kids, my friend who worked at a gas station with a big food station that has some ground beef items told me they use kangaroo meat for their ground beef because it was cheaper than cow."
"I am gullible with my friends."
- _Goose_
The Lie That Keeps Going
"When I was 15, over my summer break, one day my mom called and said she was gonna pick me up and we were gonna go to my stepdad's for the weekend."
"I didn’t understand why I had to go when she would leave me at home by myself for the weekend all the time. I was old enough that I knew the rules and she could trust me."
"She told me there was a mixup at the electrical company and they seem to think we didn’t pay the bill and so the power was gonna be shut off, so we were gonna go to my stepdad's until that got sorted."
"That was a lie."
"A weekend turned into two weeks, which turned into a month, and then the entire summer. We hadn’t been home in over two months. I kept asking when we could go home and she’d always have an excuse."
"We reached September, she’s driving me from one city to my hometown to register for the following year of school, which started up in a week, and this was the closest I had been to home in two months! After I registered, we bypassed my house and started heading towards the highway to go back to my stepdad’s."
"It was at that moment I snapped and started freaking out! I knew something was wrong."
"She pulled the car over and started crying. Apparently, my brother had been helping her pay the bills and when he moved out, she could no longer afford the place on her own. So my stepdad was trying to help but he had his own house and kids he had to look after, and he couldn’t keep it up. We had been evicted."
"We stayed with my stepdad for the summer while my mom tried to work something out with the landlord, but they couldn’t come to an arrangement. Because she never told me, and in order to buy herself time to work something out, she had to be comfortable with potentially leaving EVERYTHING behind…"
"Well, she couldn’t work it out with the landlord and we lost EVERYTHING. The only thing I got out of that house was the shoes on my feet and a few outfits and pajamas enough for a weekend stay."
"My mother wanted to keep the lie going for as long as she could to buy herself time that she had to leave behind everything to keep it going. She never went back for anything, so eventually I can only assume it was all thrown away."
"So not only did I lose material belongings like my computer, my video games, and all my clothes, but I lost basic things like my own bedroom… and privacy as a teenager! I slept on my stepdad’s couch for almost two years until his daughters moved out and I took over their old room."
"But I also lost sentimental things like childhood pictures/videos, the memory box I started when I was seven, and the porcelain dolls my dad had given me over the years, he bought me two per year (birthday and Christmas,) and now that my dad is dead, those are things I wish I still had."
- Neikitia
An Elaborate Tale
"When I was very young, we had a pet hamster. He got out of his cage, so my dad put the cage in the basement, thinking he might get hungry and get back in."
"One morning I woke up and there was the hamster in his cage in the usual place. I asked my mom how they found him and she told me she opened the door to the cellar and there he was dragging his cage back upstairs."
"It wasn't until I was a teenager and remembered the exchange that it occurred to me she obviously made that up."
- censorized
Too Real
"That acne would only be a problem when I was a teenager."
- McGamers56
"I started breaking out in the third grade and haven't had clear skin since. I'll be 27 pretty soon. This one hits home."
- bayleenator
Part of the Family
"When I was like 16, I found out that one of my sisters wasn’t actually my sister. She was actually just best friends with my oldest sister growing up, and she lived with my family from when she was 12 or 13 through 18 (she and my oldest sister are 15 years older than me)."
"Unfortunately, her parents wouldn’t sign her over for adoption and didn’t contribute anything to my mom raising her for six years."
"The weirdest part is that my family is predominantly fair-skinned, blonde with blue eyes, but the girl I thought was my sister was traditional Hispanic with darker skin, dark hair, and brown eyes. My mom was always very tan and had darker skin and hair throughout my childhood, so I thought that my other two sisters and myself were the odd ones out."
- Schleeeeeem
The Deepest Betrayal of All
"On April Fool's while I was getting ready for school on a cold winter day, my mom told me, 'School is canceled! It's a snow day!'"
"I ran around for a good two minutes celebrating before she told me, 'April Fools!'"
"I've never felt so betrayed in my life."
- samivat
"You better be a mastermind supervillain by now."
- T_WREKX
"Thank you for sharing your Joker origin story, lol (laughing out loud)."
- JulienS2000
These lies have a wide range from the hilarious to the absolutely diabolical, maybe even with a few villain origin stories thrown in.
A common thread throughout most of these was someone telling a lie in order to avoid a tougher conversation, which only led the younger person to have a lot more to process later.
With theaters finally open to those wanting the ultimate entertainment experience that streaming movies at home can't provide, the pandemic that kept many venues closed now feels like a distant memory.
There's nothing like seeing a film up on the big screen the way Hollywood studios intended, and many would argue that experience is worth shelling out the cash for.
That being said, there is no assurance audiences will remain in their seats until the credits roll at the end.
Because not all movies are created equal. Some are just embarrassingly bad and not worth sticking around for.
Curious to hear from dissatisfied moviegoers, Redditor girlcalledmariaaria asked:
"If you have ever walked out of a cinema because the film was so bad, what one was it?"
These Redditors had no idea what they were in for.
Wrong Expectations
"I've not, but when I saw In Bruges, an elderly couple walked out after 20 minutes and I heard the man muttering that this wasn't a film about Belgium at all. It really tickled me."
– Reverend-JT
Regretful Decision
"Holmes & Watson, my family really enjoyed step Brothers and Talladega nights. So I shouted the 5 of us to the movies on Christmas day because for some reason the cinemas were open and it was showing and we don't really do big celebrations. 15 minutes into the movie we all looked at each other like.. wtf is this. I tried to leave.. I went to ask for a refund because their policy said you can get a refund 30 minutes into the movie... But we were 5 minutes late because of the 20 minute trailers.. I'm still seething about spending $100 to basically die of boredom for an hour and a half. I was sitting there embarrassed about suggesting the family outing. My family stuck it out because I'd paid for it and couldn't get a refund even though I told them I didnt care and begged to leave."
– jande425
Plan B
"I've got a story of a film my friends and I refused to leave, actually."
"In 2006 I was turning 14 and was obsessed with Pirates of the Caribbean. My mom threw a pirates-themed birthday party where my friends and I were meant to go to see Dead Man's Chest, which was still in theaters in August when the party was. We dressed up for it and everything."
"Well for some reason the showing we were going to see was packed despite the movie having been out over a month, so there weren't 12 tickets available. My mother (and my friend's mom who came along) made a split second decision to see the next PG-13 rated movie available."
"Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby."
"So a gaggle of 14 year old girls dressed as pirates walked into this theatre to a bunch of weird looks, but we sat down with our popcorn as normal. The next hour-and-a-halfish saw the moms be horrified at the crass nature of the film and keep asking if we wanted to leave. The answer was a HELL NO from the whole group. That movie proceeded to be the basis of our inside jokes for the next 4 years. To this day it's one of our collective favorite grade school memories, even if my mother continues to be embarrassed by it."
– fraxiiinus
Whether it was physical or emotional, these films didn't sit well with Redditors.
Saving Our Necks
"Oh, I remember vividly. It was Battlefield Earth."
"The shot angles kept being tilted this way and that for no reason and I started tilting my head so that things would be level. Then my friend joined in. Then we simultaneously were like 'are we going to cramp our necks for THIS?' And walked out."
– Ahlq802
Punishment For Sneaking In
"I walked out of 28 days later. Not because it was bad. I was 9 years old and snuck in and it was freaking me the f'k out.. watched it years later and enjoyed it."
– OMGi_hafta_poop
Oh, The Horror
"I saw Prometheus twice in theaters. At the second show, a group of 10-year-olds snuck in. The first R-rated scene, which features an alien worm/snake that crawls inside someone's shattered arm, caused these kids to flee the theater in an absolute panic. I imagine they will never forget that day."
– fleur_delyk
Sometimes, it's the theater's fault.
Failed Attempts
"I went to see Guardians of the Galaxy, and they played Rise of the Guardians."
"It took about five minutes to realize it was the wrong movie the first time. They tried to fix it, played Rise again, tried to fix it, played Rise a third time, and the whole theater walked out for refunds."
"Apparently it was a issue at a lot of theaters."
– MandolinMagi
Not A Prank
"I guess this technically counts but when I went to see deadpool 2, the cinema accidentally put the wrong film on and played some Amy Schumer film instead. Everyone in the screen thought it was some meta deadpool joke and out of nowhere he’d appear and shoot Amy Schumer so we were all waiting on that. After about 10 minutes of the film, the staff came into the screen and explained that they had put the wrong film on and couldn’t undo it because of their tight schedule etc but we would all get a refund and were welcome to stay and watch the rest of the Amy Schumer film. Everyone left."
– KMeech1969
Other times, the movie itself doesn't screen well for the audience.
Far From Purr-fect
"I’ve never walked out of a movie and I saw Cats opening weekend."
– Man_Bear_Pig25
"I walked out on it, but then decided I wanted to be back inside. They let me back in, but then I walked out again."
– CatherineOfArrogance
I'm all for supporting the arts.
But if a movie I already paid a non-refundable admission for was absolutely terrible, I'd have no problem forfeiting the cash to spare my sanity and walking out of the theater.
The one time I did just that was when I went to see The Island of Doctor Moreau starring Marlon Brando and Val Kilmer.
I was a kid and I was thrilled to go see a movie all by myself.
Unfortunately, the sci-fi horror film wasn't enough to captivate my short attention span.
I walked out and subsequently called my mom to pick me up from the mall where the movie theater was.
Those were the days...
If there was one good thing to come out of the pandemic, it was that it made us all the more appreciative of all that is good in our lives.
No one ever appreciated the importance of friends or family more, having to be kept apart from each other for months, or the little things which bring us joy, which we made sure to keep doing even as pandemic restrictions were lifted.
Of course, being alone with our thoughts for such a long time also resulted in our reflecting on things in our lives, or in the world in general, which we were less than happy about.
Not to mention the all-important realization that life is short and precious, and we don't have time to waste our thoughts on some things.
"What is something you no longer have patience for?"
Off The Clock Means OFF THE CLOCK!
"Working outside of work hours."
"I used to go above and beyond, now I only put in what is required."
"Life is too short to live only to work."- Chesterfieldcat
"The working world."
"My life doesn’t revolve around working here and it never will."
"It will never be a part of my identity."
"I come in, do the job, make money, go home."
"Don’t expect me to come to all the work happy hours so I can pretend how much I love working here."- nuclearsalt
Some Things Just Don't Get A Free Pass
"Sh*tty people getting a pass 'because they're family'."- cgulash
angry homer simpson GIFGiphySay What You Mean, Not What You Feel
"Having to guess what people REALLY mean by something they said."
"I take everything people say at face value now and don't replay conversations in my head to find out the real meaning anymore."
"Be passive-aggressive if you want to but talk to me like an adult if you really have a problem."- WateredDownSalt
EYES ON THE ROAD!
"People who text and drive."
"You're driving a giant piece of metal propelled by explosive liquid."
"Pay attention."- MasterfulNothasie
The Only Life That Should Concern You Is Your Own
"People and groups of people that only talk about other people."- Turf98
"People who can’t mind their fucking business and are always worried about what other people are doing."
"If it doesn’t effect you, f*ck off."
"It’s literally free."- wackwackwackjpg
GIF by WWEGiphySome People Didn't Mind Social Distancing
"People invading my personal space."- Mighty-Foreskin
Influence Can Be Dangerous
"Anything that has “influencer” in it."- chemistcarpenter
Indoor Voices People...
"Streamers screaming, losing their sh*t, breaking things, and having tantrums."
"I used to think this was so funny now I just can't stand it; I can't even watch a streamer if I notice they're not using their normal talking voice." - Reddit
Fail Oh No GIF by G2 EsportsGiphyTaking Responsibility Is A Sign Of Maturity
"People who constantly blame others for the situation they are in."- SuvenPan
Time Is Precious And Shouldn't Be Wasted
"Waiting on people who are constantly late to plans."
"I will wait 15 minutes then excuse myself."- Dabbles-In-Irony
There's Multi-Tasking, And Then There's Just Being Rude...
"People being on their phone while in a conversation with you."
"Seriously."
"Put your phone away!"- rosieblinkstime
Phone GIF by Poehlmann FitnessGiphyIt Takes So Much More Effort To Be Nasty...
"Bad manners, unkindness and general rudeness."
"It costs nothing to be a nice person and from someone who works in a customer-facing industry, attitudes, sadly, appear to be getting worse."
"It really makes me cross."- Bellamiles85
At Least They're Being Transparent
"Medicine commercials with worse side-effects than the thing being cured."- mrbbrj
Wasting our time and thoughts about things that we know can only bring us down is simply no way to get through life.
It's essential to live our lives by taking the present moment for what it is: a present.