Bad dates are a universal experience for most people. I would know--I once went to my date's improv show. That was the date. Never date comedians, y'all.
But then again, I was one of the lucky ones. Because no matter how cringey that improv show was, it wasn't even close to some of these dates from hell. Readysetexplode asked:
What's your worst horror story from a date?
Ah, to be young again. Nothing tops a really bad high school date.
This is some Die Hard sh*t.
“It was a warm summer night, we were 15, and we were in love.
No wait, scratch that, we were 15 and wanted to grind. That's the one.
I was over at my friends place chilling out, He was playing Diablo 2 and I was on the other computer chatting on msn when, lo and behold, she logged on. After some small talk I mentioned I was in town at Joe's (pseudonym) place, and she said I should come over to her house. We had talked beforehand about sex and fooling around, made out a bit, and we both wanted to screw, but parents etc kept getting in the way. I told Joe that I was going to go and try to get laid, and he was understandably supportive. And with that, I was off into the night.
It was midnight or shortly after, cloudy but hot out, and the orange glow from the city lit up the night remarkably well. As I walked and pondered the possible events to come, I was accompanied by the distant yet booming sound of thunder. I really should have noticed the smell of rain in the air... I made quick work of the several blocks between us and came to her house, going to her bedroom window as was previously directed.
Knock Knock. She came to the window with a finger to her lips, wearing a black bra and pink underwear, and pointed down. My eyes followed her gesture to the still form of her young brother lying on her bedroom floor.
She preempted my curiosity with, "He gets afraid of thunderstorms, so he is going to sleep in here tonight", to which I asked with more of a look of disappointment and confusion than words, "But I wanted to plow you, all romantic like!"
Her smile told me I was still in business. I crawled into her window, took off my shoes and left them on her bedroom floor, and we stepped out of her room and made our way to her basement. The lights were out, as we did not want to wake her religious parents, but she knew her way around, and led me past a table to her couch.
After a few minutes of pathetic teenager make out and pawing, things got serious. After the foreplay, we moved onto the sex.
Being the responsible young adult that I was, I had brought 2 condoms, and being the dumb young adults that we were, she advised I wear them both for extra protection, and I did. Cue worst sex ever. but I'm FAIRLY sure it did happen.
In the throes of passion, we were totally unaware that the distant rumbling of thunder had become the storm of the year directly above our town, and the rain and thunder eventually tore our attention away.
Wait a minute... That doesn't sound like rain... That sounds like... FOOTSTEPS!!
To this day, I have yet to see anyone do anything faster than that Christian girl get dressed. She was dressed and tugging at my arm before I had my pants fully done up! So i grabbed my shirt and my socks, and she dragged my up the stairs and across the common room. Well, mostly across. About halfway down the telltale flicker of flashlights descends the stairs, turns out the power had been knocked out by the storm. Not having enough time to get to her room without being seen, she shoved me into the bathroom beside us, and went to address her parents as I climbed into the shower stall and cowered.
Outside I heard them conversing, her parents having no suspicions were quite calm, just asking how her and her brother were doing. Fine. Ok, well then we are going to go back to bed, try and get some sleep. PHEW! I'm in the clear.
Her dad utters a phrase I won't soon forget, "I am just gonna use the bathroom before we go." And steps into my hiding place. Placing the flashlight on the bathroom counter, beam up, I see the silhouette of a large man walk over to within 3 feet of me, and take a piss. I'm fairly sure my heart stopped beating just to make sure he couldn't detect me at all. He finishes, wastes his 1 flush (cmon people, when the power is out, follow the mantra, 'if it's brown, flush it down, if it's yellow, let it mellow') and departs. Parents leave, she comes and gets me, we both sh*t bricks, and then we continue into her room so I can GTFO ASAP.
I get fully dressed, and am sitting on the edge of her bed putting on my last sock when both of our eyes shoot to the bottom of her bedroom door. Flashlights.
I quickly discern that I don't have the time to get out the window undetected, but spot that her bed has a fairly decent rise to it, and luckily for me, was uncluttered underneath. I drop to the floor and ninja vanish mere moments before her parents enter her room. Again, inconsequential chit chat and I feel like I am in the clear. I sigh a breath of relief and let my head rest on her carpet, looking out into the room.
Directly into the eyes of her 5 year old brother lying on the floor, now wide awake, and staring into my soul. I'm done. I'm busted. I'm dead. "Christian father kills horny teenager" is going to be the headline in the newspaper the next day, guaranteed. A million options flash through my mind until I decide on a brilliantly simple choice. Bringing one finger up to my lips, I make the sign for silence and secrecy.
Thank FSM for the playful naivety of children, because he simply smiled and returned the gesture.
Her parents departed, and shortly after, so did I, to enjoy my walk home in the pouring hot summer rain, with ample time to ponder how close I came to a serious sh*t-beating.
Tl;dr Went for a midnight screw and almost got eviscerated by crazy religious parents, ninja'd my way out.”
Yikes.Jay Z Reaction GIF by ComplexGiphy
“Nightmare date occurring RIGHT NOW.
I rode 250 miles to see this redditor I'd been corresponding with for a couple months. She's cute and we get along smashingly, but she had a boyfriend and I didn't want to be in an awkward position so I refrained from visiting. She almost breaks up with him, but she doesn't. She assured me there'd be no problems(?), but sure enough, I pull into her seedy apartment complex and I see 2 people arguing. My spidey sense tingled so I doubled back, parked, and called her. They are now arguing and I'm sitting at a sh*tty convenience store...fml"
Parents Explain Why They Regret The Name They Gave Their Child | George Takei’s Oh MyyyDenmark has very strict laws to protect children from bizarre names. Parents must choose from a list of 7,000 pre-approved names. And if they choose a name o...
“I was on a first date with a girl and I also worked with. We'd been flirting for weeks and had wonderful chemistry. Our date was great and had a life of its own. She drove. At the end of the 6-hour long date, we were sitting in her parked car in front of my house, continuing the captivating conversation. We had a work meeting the next morning, so when it came time for me to go, I started to exit the car and said ‘See you tomorrow’. She sheepishly said ‘I can't wait that long’. Without thinking, I replied, ‘Well, you're gonna have to’ and slammed the car door.
I didn't realize what she meant, or how what I said came across, for some time, like the next day.”
Thanks a lot, dad.
“She comes to pick me up ( I couldn't drive yet ), she's waiting with the car running in the driveway and calls me because she's somewhat scared of my dad. I come out the front door, my dad follows me wondering where I'm going. He see's the girl and decides he's going to ‘embarrass’ me. He proceeds to tackle me onto the lawn and pretend like he's kicking the sh*t out of me. She drives off in panic. Thanks dad.”
If you thought your dating experiences were bad, you’re not ready for these next few.
Fragile egos don’t make for good dates.Willy Wonka And The Chocolate Factory Tantrum GIFGiphy
“So we're still in high school, and we'd been hanging out forever, really liked each other. He's a pretty decent nerdy guy, we play Starcraft together all the time, have a couple of classes together. He takes me to a Magic tournament.
Cool! I register and I start playing. I advance, and he throws a hissy fit after I beat him... and refuses to drive me home. The guy behind the counter guilts him into taking me home, and we're about half-way through the awkward silence home when he gets pulled over by the cops for speeding. Instead of cooperating, he throws a f*cking fit and starts yelling. Officer asks him to step out of the car, and he eventually does. I'm in tears, so the nice officer calls my parents to come and get me from the side of the road, because he's taking DateGuy to the station for belligerence and, as he said, ‘Totally ruining your night’. I had to answer a ton of questions with the guy sitting in the back of the cop car, glaring daggers at me.
Worst date I've ever had, and I had to continue taking classes with him until the end of the year. We never spoke again.
“I had a dud first date - we had nothing to talk about, and none of the social skills or inclination to make small tall.
We made it half way through the second drink before both abandoning the idea.
I walk her back to her car - she collapses on the way.
I call an ambulance, and end up in the emergency waiting room wondering exactly what my obligations are to a girl I don't know.
I stick it out for 4 hours until she's discharged.
I ask her to call me when she gets home, to make sure she gets there ok - she doesn't call.”
This is just plain cringe.
“Was set up on a blind date by a co-worker. Things went reasonably well- ok conversation, he seemed to be genuinely nice. My co-worker and her boyfriend double dated with us for moral support. We went back to the co-worker's house after dinner to watch a movie together. That's when things got weird.
Co-worker and boyfriend left the room to give us some "alone time". Immediately, my date tried to kiss me. It was one of those approaches with his tongue hanging out. I nicely rejected the kiss, saying it was too soon for that type of affection for me. So he shifted his attention to my feet. I was wearing open toed shoes and he grabbed a foot in his hand and asked if he could rub my feet. I declined and he began to beg. Told me that he loved feet and would love to suck on my toes. I declined again, started to get a bit scared. He made a last ditch effort by asking if he could just sniff them once. I gathered my things and left ASAP.
He followed me to my car and tried to beg me in a baby-talk voice to come back, me and my "widdle piggies" (toes). I kept expecting a camera crew to pop out from behind a tree proclaiming that I had indeed been "punk'd". I was as nice as possible about everything, citing that I just needed some time to get comfortable with someone before becoming affectionate. I pulled out of the driveway in such a hurry that I squealed my tires a bit.
I had no intention of seeing him again since he had violated my personal space so much. I (probably wrongly) passive aggressively ignored his phone calls and myspace messages. He couldn't take a hint though, and called 20 times in one day. I finally manned up and told him that I wasn't interested in pursuing a relationship. He immediately got nasty, called me a tease, and told me never to contact him again. Weirdest date ever."
Considering the fact that these posts were written in 2010, it’s safe to say that people aren’t going on dates from MySpace anymore. Although Tinder isn’t much worse…
What an a**hole.Ben Stiller Basketball GIFGiphy
“He called 20 minutes before he was supposed to pick me up. Told me he'd be a couple hours late because he wanted to play basketball.... the time he was supposed to get me rolled around... no show.... twenty minutes later a car pulls up and his mom gets out....(keep in mind we're freshmen in college)
He sent his parents to come get me. 20 minute drive to his house in the car. Alone with his parents. He proceeded to talk about the girl he was in love with for the rest of the date and ended it with an awkward hug stating that it wouldn't work because we lived too far away.”
So much for dancing.
“Went dancing with a girl from work; first date with anyone, 25 years old - zero social skills, naturally. Wisely, I let her do all the talking, and we have a decent enough time. She doesn't even seem to notice my awkwardness, and I start to loosen up and even show a bit of confidence. "Hey, this is sort of fun!", I say to myself.
I explain that I can't dance, but she goads me into giving it a try - just one slow song. She'll walk me through it, she says, no big deal. No one's watching. My blood pressure shoots through the roof, but I'm still on a high, and hardly noticing my hands trembling and my pulse approaching a dangerous rate. We go over to the floor and she puts my hand on her waist and takes my other hand in hers.
Instantly, my breath leaves me and the room fills with pea soup fog. The arteries in my forearms and throat contract painfully and a crushing sensation overtakes me; fade to black. My memory cuts out at that point, but I'm told that I managed to crawl to the corner of the room after hitting the floor.
When I came to, I was completely numb and paralyzed from head to toe, gasping for breath, but getting almost none at all. The crushing feeling intensified and I lost consciousness several more times in the next hour or so as I lay in the corner. Eventually I regained enough feeling in my legs to pull myself upright, stagger to a stool, and order an orange juice. My scalp and tongue were still numb, but I managed to drink it down and gather my thoughts enough to remember where I was, what day it was, and how I had gotten there. In another hour I was aware enough to risk driving home, which I did as slowly and deliberately as I could with my still-dull reflexes and persisting numbness. I made it back to my room and slept until past noon the next day, still a bit numb and groggy even then.
My date, I found out later, had been profoundly embarrassed by my actions, and left immediately after I fell. She forgave me and never mentioned it to anyone, as far as I know.
Tl;dr: first date; tried dancing with a girl; had some sort of stroke (I think*); blacked out; girl leaves, but agrees not to tell anyone about it."
People think this sh*t is cute, but it’s just creepy.
“He wanted to watch a movie at his house. Turns out, he wanted to watch G.I. Jane. Turns out, it's his favorite movie. Turns out, he gets so pumped when watching it he wears his army fatigues and spontaneously does pushups every 5 minutes.
Then we go for a walk and he insists on holding my hand and practically hanging on it for the entire walk.
Finally I get to my house and send him home, relieved to finally be alone. 5 minutes later, I hear something hit my window. Then again. He's outside, throwing rocks at my window. He tells me he loves me, and gazes up at me with a sh*t-eating grin. He had to see me again! I tell him, ‘Go home!’
I think about how I'm going to break up with this extraordinarily needy dude. It digs at me all night.
In the morning when I leave for work I find flowers under my windshield wiper, and a poem. First dates can be gruesome.”
Bad dates can lead to bad consequences.
Not a good look when you’re in twenties.Alejandro Jodorowsky Party GIF by Endless PoetryGiphy
“Last year, I started screwing around with a coworker of mine. BAD IDEA. We decided to go to a party as our first date-like thing. The party was at her house (she had like 6 roomates in this giant house). Now, I'm not really a big drinker, but these people (all of whom are well into their 20's) were just getting schwasted off of Barton's Vodka. I've never seen a more childish abuse of alcohol.
Yada yada yada, everybody at this party (25 people or so?) started drinking at about 10, and were all passed out in piles of their own vomit all around the house, high-school style. The girl I'm with, after throwing up on her bed, drunkenly begs me to stay and take care of her. Because of my hatred of immature drunk people, I simply leave (kind of a d*ck move, I know). The next day my boss talked to me and said that I wouldn't be working with her anymore because she threatened to fill out a sexual harassment case or something against me. Whoa!
Worst date ever.”
“I had no car at 17 but thought I would be creative about taking a girl to a movie without involving my parents:
I invited this girl I had a crush on to come to the movies with me and two guy friends. We sat in the back seat together, and sat next to each other at the movies. For the most part my friends left us alone and it seemed like we were on a quiet, awkward, conversation-less first date. I was pretty lame but tried my best to keep her interest in the few moments a movie-date provides. But on the ride back to her house, my best friend happened to play some music she liked on the stereo and they started talking. She immediately opened up and the two of them hit it off instantly (while I was sitting next to her in the back seat, silently raging). She dated my best friend for a year after that.”
Grease was NOT the word that night.
“I went on a date one time when I was in elementary school with a girl I met through a girl in my class. We were going to see Grease, (the 20th anniversary release in 1998) and we had a lot of time to kill before the movie started. Being the adventurous young chap that I was, I decided to get some Milk Duds from the snack counter, as I had never eaten them before. I thought, "Milk chocolate? Caramel? I love both of them, so together, they should be amazing!"
I had a few of them, and they were pretty good. I waited for them to melt, then chomped down and ate them. After a few, however, I became impatient of waiting for them to soften up and started to just bite through them. It was a little challenging biting through solid caramel, but nothing terrible.
However, one Milk Dud was more difficult to chew than the rest. I popped this particular one to the back of my mouth, and the caramel core decided to latch itself onto one of my molars. I pulled and pulled to try to get it unstuck from my teeth, but the caramel was too much for my young teeth. In trying to open up my mouth, I ended up ripping the stuck molar from my mouth with the hard Milk Dud still attached. The molar wasn't even loose, it just got pulled out!
It's strange enough going on dates when you're that young. It's stranger when it's with a girl you met only once prior to the date. It's strangest when you end up ripping out a not-loose tooth with a Milk Dud still attached, and then have to sit through Grease.
Note: I have not eaten a Milk Dud since.”
Definitely a Team Jacob kinda dude.robert pattinson team edward GIFGiphy
“Not really a date, but still...
I met a girl in a club whilst working as a nightlife photographer - you meet a lot of girls that way, its a good ice breaker. She was pretty, sweet and funny, and we kept bumping into each other throughout the night as I worked. Ended up finishing work and getting to chat to her a bit, things were great, and we ended up going back to her place for a bit of drunken rumpy pumpy.
When we got into her room it was like a normal student room, posters on the wall etc, typical girl stuff, y'know? Twilight poster, calendar of a boy band, some frilly stuff... all that. Quite cute. Anyway, we got down to business, and we were nearly naked when she whispers into my ear in the sexiest way possible, "Bite me like Edward".
I had my clothes on and was out of the door faster than you could even imagine.”
“Long story short. Christmas party went well. met a girl. Woke up in her apartment, in her bed, naked on top of the covers. Woke up because a man in the doorway was angrily asking me, "is that my daughter?" He had come to pick her up for Christmas vacation and her roommates let him in. I answered, "no." by the way. Seemed the only smart thing to do.”
If your memories of first dates make you cringe, just remember, at least your date didn’t throw a tantrum over a Magic the Gathering tournament. That story was unreal.
And if you have a history of bad dates, don’t worry- the right person WILL come along, and they will provide good memories that will give you hope for relationships again.
Societal norms gradually change over time, and it's not until a generation looks back and notices just how far they've come.
One of the major differences people from earlier generations find fascinating is how things were much more rigid compared to current times.
Curious to hear examples of this, Redditor FCFSDeals asked:
"What’s now weirdly acceptable in 2022 that was not acceptable growing up in your generation?"
Prior to cellphones, calling protocol was vastly different once upon a time.
Answering The Call
"Not answering the phone. When we only had landline phones (yes long time ago), there was no ringing phone that went unanswered. Now we screen or just plain ignore calls until we are good and ready to deal with it."
"Also, no one expected to reach you at any time, 24-7. I miss those days."
"But there was phone etiquette: no solicitation calls; no polls; and nobody called after 9PM unless someone was in jail or the hospital."
Appearance guidelines seemed to have shifted between generations.
"People have already said tattoos, but body piercings also exploded in popularity. It used to be girls could get their ears pierced, and that was it. When I was in high school, some guys started doing the one earring look and tongue, nose and bellybutton piercings were starting to become popular."
Comfort Is Priority
"Wearing sneakers to work at a fortune 100 company."
"At the beginning of my career it was suit and tie, then business casual and now I wear stan smiths, jeans and an untucked polo in the most senior position of my working life."
"I worked for the US Senate in 2009 (in a totally non-political job for the Senate Curator). I wore clothes from Hot Topic on the Senate floor. Some days I wore old jeans with holes in the knees if I knew I'd be climbing ladders to clean artworks. One of the women on the team had a full chest tattoo and made zero effort to cover it up because no one cared. The day I met Senator Inouye to discuss what paintings he wanted in his office, I had on trainers."
Benefits Of Letting The Hair Down
"They realized that they can't erode wages and expect us to look like we're on Mad Men at the same time. Allowing long haired freaky people has made them sh*tloads of money over the years."
Hair Coloring & Tattoos
"Any type of hair coloring would result in serious trouble at school. I also remember tatoos being frown upon as being found mostly on people that got out of prison."
The advent of the internet was a huge game changer, and rules were made up as we went along.
The Bandwidth Situation
"2 people using the internet at the same time."
Phones In The Classroom
"Middle/high school students being allowed to have their cell phones in class. Being caught with our cell phone when I was a high schooler was an automatic detention etc."
Consequences Of Having A Phone On Campus
"I graduated in the late 90's, and the president of my class got expelled one week before graduation for having a phone on campus. It was in his car, and this was after hours. It rang and a teacher heard it. They made an example out of him. He lost his admission to West Point."
"Now my 8th grader finds it super unjust that her science teacher makes all the kids put their phones in a box at the front of the room during tests, and feels super justified in never ever giving up her airpods to that sort of thing."
When I was a cast member at Disneyland in the early 2000s, we had to abide by the strict, clean-cut appearance guidelines required of all cast members–with different rules applying to each respective gender.
Men, for example, were not allowed to wear jewelry or have visible tattoos. We also had to maintain the length of our hair to not exceed past a certain length, and sporting facial hair was a major no-no.
Now, the "Disney Look" has changed, allowing all cast members to reflect their personalities through “gender-inclusive hairstyles, jewelry, nail styles and costume choices; and allowing appropriate visible tattoos," according to the Disney Parks Blog.
To the Mouse, I tip my hat for these awesome changes.
As a kid, I remember being obsessed (like obsessed) with David the Gnome and his fox Swift. I was tuned in daily to watch the adventures, get all misty eyed for the hurt animals the gnomes saved, and sobbed in abject wonder when the gnomes finally lived all 400 years of their gnome life and transitioned into the trees that make up the woods they live in.
The trees are their ancestors, y'all! The treeees! They protect the trees because they're family. Trees grow intertwined because they were so in love when they were gnomes.
Fam! This show was everything ... except memorable for other people because I was in my 30s talking to someone from another country before I met the first person who remembered this show.
Which, honestly, is kind of insulting to gnomes and trees.
Reddit user itchellFamily1045 asked:
"Which show do you think you're the only person who remembers it exists?"
It was David the Gnome for me (which I found out originated in Spain and was much more popular in France than it was in the US. Apparently, I was a Euro-trash hipster as a child), but let's take a look at what got Reddit.
Classic Wheel Of Fortunewheel through the years GIF by Wheel of FortuneGiphy
"It's funny how nobody seems to remember the early seasons of Wheel of Fortune with host Chuck Woolery. You didn't win any cash. You had to choose prizes from a selection of things set up in a room-like fashion."
"They still had the prize room with sajak for a while I believe. Camera would just pan across the room and the winner would try not to pick the stupidest things. Cause the items all had fn price tags on em and you'd only have the $ amount you won. Infuriating"
"A broyhill coffee table!!"
"Always ending up with the porcelain dog statue cause it was all you had left after buying expensive items."
"I still think about the episode where everyone who stayed young, slept in Tupperware, and when their lids got taken off, aged overnight."
"One of my favorite moments on the show had Marshall and Simon hanging out in Simon's room, one night. Through the walls you can hear a man and a woman laughing lecherously."
"Marshall: 'It sounds like your mom and dad are having a party'."
"Simon: 'Mom's not home'."
"It was a great weird kids' show, but some of the gags they managed to sneak in were hilarious."
"I work w a dude whose daughter was on that show, We were just randomly chatting and he was telling me how she had done some modelling/acting when she was little"
" 'you probably dont know the show but...'."
" 'like hell i dont that show was great'."
"Early edition- get tomorrow's newspaper today"
"I loved that show! What a concept!"
"Omg omg omg"
"Quality 90s tv, right there. A warm-fuzzy show."
Herman's Headtalking marge simpson GIFGiphy
"Anyone remember Herman’s Head?"
"It had the woman that does the voice for Lisa Simpson and the woman that went on to play Ross' exwife on friends was one of the characters in his head."
" It has 2 Simpsons voice actors- Yeardley Smith and Hank Azaria. I seem to remember that they were offered the roles- and maybe the whole show existed? - because they didn’t want to be ‘just’ VA’s, and FOX wanted to placate them."
"That’s a real show?? They reference it on 'only murders in the building'.”
"I came for this one too!"
The Garry Shandling Show
"The Gary Shandling Show. No, not the Larry Sanders Show - Gary Shandling Show. Even the theme song breaks the fourth wall."
"This is the theme to Gary's show, the opening theme to Gary's show. This is the music that you hear as you watch the credits. We're almost to the part of where I start to whistle, then we'll watch It's Gary Shandling's Show."
"Yeah, Garry Shandling and Tracey Ullman are pretty much tied up in my memory."
"Best theme song EVER!"
"My partner LOVES the theme to that show! Plays it in the background every now and then, it's a riot!"
"Mid-2000s show on Fox that was apparently too weird even for Fox. I think they canceled it halfway through the 1st season."
"I have the DVD. Excellent show that I still toss in every once in a while."
"The producers had planned out some storylines all the way to S3. The S2 cliffhanger was supposed to be Jaye being sent to the mental hospital where she had helped put away some guest stars, including the woman who tried to kill the therapist with gift store items, and the boy who bought the russian mail order bride."
"Bryan Fuller's early work."
Mary Hartman Square
"Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman"
"I remember watching this with my dad and my sister after the 11:00 pm news. I was in like 6th grade. That's what happens when there's no mom around. 😂"
"Her husband fell into a vat of paint thinner at work, and he needed to have plastic surgery over every inch of his body, so he requested to look like Tab Hunter."
"I thought her husband drowned in a bowl of soup. Maybe her first husband? That show was trippy af"
"Her neighbor's husband. The clip is on YouTube."
"Spin off of a spin off or Mary Tyler Moore as I recall, right? Wasn't Rhonda the first spinoff?"
"Not a spin-off. Mary Hartman was a very bizarre show for its time, a parody of a soap opera. Louise Lasser played Mary, and she was this weirdly detached character surrounded by crazy drama and violence. I think it might have been the first place I saw Martin Mull."
"Terranova, ran for like a single season then disappeared"
"I loved that show! So annoying they didn’t get a second season."
"I was a young kid when it aired on TV so i dont remember much of it, but I recall it being a recurring topic with my mom every now and then"
"oh god I’m old. I thought it was only a few years ago. I just looked it up and it was 11. Excuse me while I go get an AARP application."
"It’s that old?! Holy sh*t, grab me an application too, please. It seriously felt like just a couple of years ago."
"Karen Valentine was probably the cutest girl ever on a tv show. I used to love when she would be on the original Hollywood Squares."
"She was the only reason anyone watched that show."
"I loved that show! My mom, my sisters and I would watch that show every Friday night. The cast was really good — Karen Valentine was a really cute and bubbly teacher, and Michael Constantine was great as the high school principal"
"Yes! I swear this was the first one I thought of! And Under the Umbrella Tree!"
"If you have the Paramount streaming app, it's on there!"
"Spicy, salty, sour, sweet, bring us something good to eat!"
"I’m in my late thirties and still vividly remember the Christmas special episode where Magellan gets lost in the woods."
"Eureka’s Castle was the jam!"
"*Worms going err errrr ER err ere rrr*"
Let's talk about the shows nobody remembers but you.
Are they those early childhood favorites? Or maybe a teen-drama that only got one season before Netflix pulled it, crushing your hopes and dreams of resolved plotlines about a teenage ghost band who died of poisoned hot dogs and the incredibly talented, but heartbroken, young singer who gives them a new lease on life, love, and music?
No that is not a joke and YES I am still angry about Netflix not giving Julie and the Phantoms a second season.
Maybe it's a soap opera you think you remember watching with your mom, but maybe it was a fever dream?
Whatever it is, we want to hear about it.
Working in entertainment production is one of those things that sounds awesome - and make no mistake, it is.
It's just that it's also one of those jobs that means when your partner calls you at 1 in the morning to ask where you are, and you tell them you're out measuring lemons for Beyoncé... it's not a euphemism and it's not that weird.
Queen Bey wants a bowl of 15 evenly sized lemons for her dressing room, Queen Bey gets a bowl of 15 evenly sized lemons for her dressing room.
And because catering runners care about doing their jobs well and usually have a multi-tool on them anyway, Beyoncé is getting the sexiest, most uniformly sized, lemons we can find.
Reddit user Tacoma__Crowasked:
"What was the oddest job you’ve had and why?"
Lemons for the Queen doesn't even begin to scratch the surface, honestly.
"In small rural town, I (15M) close to 200lbs got a job as a farm Hand expecting to work planting and harvesting. I was quite a large athletic lad at the time. And I show up for my first day of work and the planting equipment on the back of the tractor was missing some parts. So my boss told me to climb atop the planting equipment to make sure it would plant deep enough"
"FML I got hired to be a heavy object, weight, ballast."
"I will never forget my first job as weight"
"Heavy Weight Champion! Literally!"
"I didn't know that was a whole job, I've only worked as ballast in addition to my other duties"
"(theme park ride operator, and would need/get to ride the rides sometimes when they needed more weight on them for one reason or another)"
"that's nothing I'm so fat that people pay me to sit in the back of their car when it snows"
"My dad used me for ballast when I was a kid. Growing up in upstate NY where we would get 12-24" of snow a day, he made a homemade plow for his lawn tractor."
"He had weights for the back drive wheels, but he needed weight on the front for the steer tires. a 50lb 5 year old who could sit on the hood of the tractor was perfect."
A Google-izer Or Is It Googlee ?evan peters google GIF by The Orchard FilmsGiphy
"Googling stuff for people."
"I used to work for kgbkgb, which was this text messaging service where you could text a number, ask any question, and get an answer for $.99. This was before smartphones became super huge, so it was a bit of a helpful gimmick back then."
"However, for everyone that we got asking normal questions like movie times, or what restaurants were open near them, or stuff like that, we got A LOT more people asking very stupid things that I would have to Google. I have this album of a bunch of weird questions that people sent to us."
"It was an interesting job that helped cover some things when I was in college, but it also had me using Google for a lot of weird sh*t."
"Oh my god, my friends and I used to send so many weird questions to services like that (never used that one though). It never occurred to me that an actual person was answering them, I always thought it was a chatbot."
"Dude I totally remember that service! I'm so sorry I definitely asked stupid questions 😅"
"I was employed by JC Penney for literally one day. I didn't quit, and I wasn't fired. That was the term of my employment."
"This was back in 1998 and I was entering my senior year of high school. They had a huge sale in the store and they hired dozens of people to cover every department because they were anticipating huge crowds. This was not a Black Friday sale, but they anticipated correctly, nonetheless."
"One of the shift supervisors gave me some busy work to start the day (folding shirts or whatever). After lunch I was basically asked to walk around from time to time and pick up any knocked over merchandise. The last few hours got boring, so one of the other supervisors that I had been chatting with throughout the day invited me to hang out during his break. His words were, 'what are they gonna do, fire you?' Good times."
"One of our local department stores (might have been Penneys) would hire a bunch of people for one day to do inventory. My wife, my MIL, SIL, and my Mom & I always got hired. We did it for 5 years, working one day a year, counting every damn thing in that store."
"Ha! I got a gig at Filene's over Christmas break one year doing the exact same thing. I think I had maybe 2-3 shifts, just walking around refolding shirts. So weird, but easy money!"
RingThe Ring Movie GIF by Arrow VideoGiphy
"I was the girl that crawled out of a fake well at a Halloween hay ride once - that was actually pretty fun! Why: I was 14 and after four weeks working Thursdays, Fridays, and Saturdays all evening I got $150! (Under the table of course.)"
"Damn. Sounds like you got scammed on pay unless this was like the 80s or before."
"Haha it was shady, but like I said it was fun! It was especially hilarious later in the evening when all the drunk college kids would come through and freak the f*ck out at me - a kid in a ripped up costume wedding dress- practically falling out of a cardboard well with a strobe light blinding me!"
"Most of the people that worked there were teenagers and we'd just have a good time and smoke in between wagons - pay was sh*t but it was definitely an odd job that made some good memories."
"Transporting deceased people who our county declared John/Jill Does to the proper county or city coroner once they were identified."
"Some obscure state law back in the 80's made it illegal to transport that particular type of dead person while the sun was up... Screwed up job, but it paid $15 an hour back in 1985."
"Guess it paid so much because most people were unwilling to do it. That was a hell of a lot for a college student to turn down. Interesting fact. When you hit a bump in the road, with an unprepared corpse, their bodies will gurgle, and sometimes air comes out of their lungs and hits their vocal cords."
"Were you warned about the gurgling or learn from terrifying experience?"
"Got to learn about it. I guess it was a break-in-the-new guy kind of moment. The first time that I heard a moan, that about went out of the vehicle window."
"Did this show up in nightmares? How long did you do that for?"
"When i was a teenager i sold those magic eye pictures at a mall kiosk. y'know the ones you have to stare at for a while till your eyes make out a 3d picture? all day i had to try and help frustrated people try and see the f*cking sail boat."
"Ah, you worked in a mall between 1993-1997."
"My first job was with a temp agency; worked in an accounting office going through boxes of records and making sure there were no staples or fasteners in anything. Then the boxes would go to another dept to be scanned onto microfiche. I had some fancy title (like “Accounting Clerk”) and was making over $11 an hr (back when min wage was still like $5 and change) so I thought I was living large."
"A funny part of the story is that I started on a Friday, and came to work in khakis and a polo-Monday I came dressed the same way and got spoke to about dressing professionally because Friday was casual Friday and not normal dress code. Lol felt dumb having to wear business attire and a tie when I was in the back in a cubicle pulling staples out of documents."
"The entire existence of casual Friday proves dress codes don’t matter. If you can do your job the same on Friday as you can on Monday, what does it matter?"
"Exactly. I haven’t had to wear a tie to work since 1998. And I’ve worked in some pretty stuffy places since then—two Federal Reserve Banks, the Chicago Board of Trade, and the most uptight law firm in the entire history of the legal system."
Cutthroat Cookiesepisode 19 GIFGiphy
"Worked for the girl scouts and ran the cookie sale for a regional area that included a major American city."
"Craziest and most stressful job I ever had."
"It seems all cute and charming until you have 30 furious cookie moms screaming at you in your office at 6:30 AM on a Saturday because the truck carrying 5 pallets of thin mints is stuck in a blizzard."
"I had to break up fist fights between parents because someone 'stole' someone's spot outside of a grocery store. It's cutthroat."
"Anyway that job was decades ago and I still have stress nightmares about it!"
"How is 5 pallets of thin mints stuck in a blizzard really a problem? Advertise those as already frozen and sell at a premium"
"Not a job exactly but one awesome day. I used to work in the concrete business. We once had a job pouring a slab for residential parking and a neighbour nearby had a kitten just a couple months old."
"It would not stay out of the concrete as you can imagine it thought us picking it up and washing its paws was a game. Eventually the boss told me to grab the kitten and go hold it hostage in the truck."
"So I spent the next six hours sitting in the truck with a super friendly kitten sleeping on my chest. I got paid to babysit a kitten."
Kept That Swamp cleanbathroom stall GIFGiphy
"Swamp Janitor. Official title was "invasive species removal technician" but really I was a swamp janitor. "
"There was this invasive aquatic plant that would completely take over swamps and choke out all the native life, so my job was to go in with a rake and pitchfork and literally just clean up the swamp of this devil plant."
"Some parts were cool, watching eagles fish, seeing turtles come up for air and big fish swimming in the water but a lot of it sucked. The plant had sharp seeds that would pierce your skin and your waders. You'd get leeches, tics and mosquitos on you all day. Physically exhausting with lots of sun."
"You'd have to haul the plant matter to giant compost heaps that were full of snakes (for some reason the snakes liked it). It was a unique but grueling job."
"That sounds absolutely horrifying. How much did it pay?"
"Pretty sure it was min wage."
"What kind of plant was it?"
"European Water Chestnut (but in Canada, so no bueno)"
Okay so we've measured lemons for royalty, been a taxi for dead folks, and been an overpaid staple remover with a fancy title.
You're up, readers.
Got anything that competes with that?
In spite of considerable work being, and progress, made to change things, it remains a fact that men have countless advantages in modern society.
In addition to not having to deal with several biological issues all women must endure, men still seem to have the upper hand when applying for positions of power, or being trusted with major responsibilities.
As a result, those who do not identify as men often roll their eyes when men of any age offer even the slightest complaint.
Which doesn't mean that plenty of men still maintain that there are definite downsides to carrying those he/him pronouns.
Redditor jojomecoco was curious to hear what the men of Reddit considered the biggest obstacles and challenges which come with their gender, leading them to ask:
"Boys, what's the downside to being a male?"
What lies between one's legs...
"Getting hit in the nuts."- Phantomtastic
"Balls stick to leg."- BuffGroot
"All the expectations."
"'We must be swift as the coursing river, with all the force of a great typhoon, with all the strength of a raging fire, mysterious as the dark side of the moon'."- SparkAxolotl
"Our childhood interests don’t truly change much into adulthood, but we are often seen as childish if we continue to pursue them."
"One of my greatest laments is the magnitude of friends who said, 'when I grow up I’ll be able to afford..,' yet abandoned those dreams due to social conditioning."- nixxy19nicksplat doug GIFGiphy
Don't let a persona fool you.
:Being called a creep when you call a kid adorable."- OkraFit3987
Men like hugs too...
"I haven't been hugged in 14 years."- Delphii42
It can be hard for everyone...
"Whatever dating is now."- Thompson_S_Sweetback
"The loneliness."- ReindeerMean6253lonely season 7 GIFGiphy
"Almost never get compliments."
What are your intentions, exactly?
"I can’t be nice to women without them thinking I’m hitting on them or what have you."
"Like yeah you’re pretty but also, I’m just being polite."- pdeagz
When push comes to shove, sometimes we all feel like the world is against us, and we have to face an uphill battle.
But if one were to provide a study, the likely outcome would prove that men, namely white, cisgender, heterosexual men, often have a much less steep hill to climb than anyone else.
And though it might certainly be a different sensation, getting hit really hard between the legs is painful for everyone.