There's a lot of pressure each time our birthday rolls around. We want it to be special. Everyone enjoys knowing their friends and family care about them on their special day.
Of course, not ever year is going to be as good as the last. Everyone has had a boring party or a little mishap during their celebration. Maybe someone forgot your birthday but it didn't totally ruin the day.
But some people have had some absolutely awful experiences.
Users on Ask Reddit told us tales of everyone forgetting their birthday, being stuck in an airport, nose bleeds, arrests, and even some serious violence.
Redditor inanimateobjectfez01 wanted to know:
Reddit, what was your worst birthday?
Just when you think it couldn't get worse, it does. These stories will have you thanking your lucky stars that it didn't happen to you.
Forgotten and ignored.
"It was my 14th birthday and nobody in my family was around, my siblings were all out and my parents were on vacation, neither my family nor my friends called or texted me a happy birthday, I called up 2 girls (lets call them A & B) I was friends with (who also forgot it was my birthday)."
"I asked them to a movie, so I walked about 3 miles and met up with them at a movie theater, I paid for all our tickets and I paid for all their food, so we got into the theater and Girl A's boyfriend was there with his friend who Girl B found attractive. They all started a conversation to which I was left out of, during the movie they only paid attention to the 2 guys, about halfway through the movie I walked off, unnoticed (of course) and I began walking home, now broke and forgotten I got to experience a 3 mile walk home at 9pm in the pouring rain."
A birthday ends in disaster with her boyfriends arrest.
"My mom sent me a plane ticket to spend my 25th birthday visiting her in Hawaii. My live-in boyfriend Patrick, who was much beloved by myself and my family, unfortunately couldn't get the time off of work, so he stayed behind in South Carolina."
"Essentially I didn't hear from him for a couple of days, but was having too much fun to worry. On the night of my birthday, at a fancy restaurant, I got a call from our neighbor who was freaking the f*ck out."
"Our neighbor had witnessed my darling, hard working, loving, upstanding boyfriend running around the property barefoot and shirtless, crying and carrying what was obviously a crack pipe into the woods behind the houses. Patrick had then been seen hauling random electronics and art out of our house and into my car, which he drove off in, still barefoot and shirtless, leaving the front door wide open. When the neighbor couldn't get ahold of me, he went to go close our door. Inside, the house was destroyed. He said it looked like a hurricane had hit. Thousands of dollars of irreplaceable antiques were shattered or torn to pieces, and everything of value was gone."
"At this point I was sitting on the ground outside a very nice restaurant, in a fancy dress, having a full-on panic attack. I asked the neighbor if he might be mistaken. He sent me a photo of the living room and a picture of the empty driveway. I called Patrick immediately and only asked him if he was driving my car, which I had asked him not to do because his license was expired. He said no. I told him I knew he was lying because the neighbor had sent me pictures of the driveway. He then told me he had borrowed it to go to the store. I told him what the neighbor had told me and about the picture of the living room. He tried to deny it all and finally, hysterical, I hung up and said that if he didn't call me sober in the morning, I'd call the police. His last words to me were 'I love you, I don't know why Remmy (the neighbor) is lying to you, I'm going to f*cking kill him.'"
"Around four AM my phone rang. It was the cops. Patrick had stabbed our neighbor multiple times and tried to get away in my car. He was caught, charged with attempted murder and possession of crack cocaine, and I pressed charges for the theft of my car. Over the next few days it unfolded that he'd maxed out the cash withdrawals on my credit cards, emptied my bank account, and I was evicted from my house due to him trying to murder a neighbor. My car was impounded as evidence. Everything I owned that I hadn't packed for a week in Hawaii was either destroyed or locked in a house I wasn't allowed in by the leasing company (he obviously didn't use the rent money I left behind to pay the rent) and the police. Because the accounts were in both of our names, I had no recourse. I was now not just broke, but thousands of dollars in debt, homeless, and carless. I lost everything. Family heirlooms, collections I'd spent years accumulating, gifts from people who had passed away, everything."
"I decided to just stay in Hawaii and try to get my life back in order, since I was literally going home to nothing. I did exactly that and life is fine now, six years later. Patrick died two years ago of a drug overdose shortly after getting out of prison."
"The neighbor was okay, and mysteriously dropped the charges several months later. He never spoke to me again."
"Was there any signs that could have said he might do something like this? Or was it just completely out of the blue?"
"Completely out of the blue. The only thing I could think of, looking back, was that his ex-wife hated him pretty viciously. But everyone's ex hates them, ya know?"
Sick in Afghanistan during war.
"May 2011, Now Zad, Afghanistan. It was my 22nd birthday and probably one of the worst days of my life. I was extremely sick, liquids just spewing out of both ends of me. But as my Sergeant would say, 'This is war, so unless you're shot and about to die, your a** is going on patrol.' So here I am, my 22nd birthday, in the middle of bumf*ck Aftrashistan, sick as a dog, throwing up on patrol, taking liquid sh*t breaks and ripping my socks off to use as tp, it's like 130 f*cking degrees out."
"I should be stateside getting irresponsibly drunk and partying like a normal 22 year old. So, I'm praying to God we don't get shot at, I mean combat isn't exactly fun but this day especially I didn't feel like dealing with the Talibans bullsh*t. So yeah anyway we started taking mortar fire, and small arms fire. I'm already having a bad time trying to control my bowels, so yeah I sh*t myself...a lot ... because mortars. I did however find out that when adrenaline is pumping through your body you forget that you're sick, so there's that."
"Worst birthday ever."
"On the bright side, you didn't take a hit on your birthday with sh*t in your pants and vomit on your shirt."
Family really ruined this kids birthdays.
"I spent my 13th birthday at my parents' friend's families house because he had come from Mexico to visit us and he wanted to visit his family. They didn't have a tv or anything to do and I literally sat by myself in a room for a few hours trying to sleep, and then ate and then sat in the room by myself again for another few hours."
"14th birthday, my dad said he would buy me a PSP if I went to work with him on his birthday (he was a contractor). I did and he didn't buy me the PSP for a few months. All he told me after we got home from work was that he wasn't really going to buy me a PSP."
"When I was 7, my brother tried slamming my face into my cake but missed the cake and literally just slammed my face against the table, I started crying and got blood all over my cake. This happened again when I was 9."
"Recently I've been spending my birthdays with my friends and they've been much better."
Grudge against the weather man.
"My seventh birthday. I was going to have this big, awesome party at my house, it had a 3 acre yard so it was an awesome place for hide and seek, tag, etc. Anyways, the night before we watched the news and the weather man said that without a doubt it was going to rain. We called everyone and canceled the party and I ended up just sitting around my house alone for the day."
"It didn't rain even a little that day. I have held a grudge against that weather man for a long time and I believe it's what made me kind of avoid social gatherings all together."
A bad trip from start to finish.
"When growing up, I was in a professional children's choir that toured internationally. The week before my 13th birthday, we were in Hawaii for a festival of some kind with kids from around the world, which was awesome. I was super pumped for my birthday, it was on the day we were leaving but I didn't mind because I was going back to see my family!"
"The night before we left, we went to this dinner and I got a special birthday dessert. I kept dropping hints to my best friend that I wanted the live band there to sing me a birthday song, so she begrudgingly went up there and asked them. The lead singer looked at her, pointed at me, LAUGHED and shook his head. She then came back to the table and somehow tripped, hitting her hand on my bowl of ice cream, splashing that sh*t all over me."
"I started crying, so we were going to leave and just go back to the hotel. There was a limo outside and we excitedly tried to see if we had enough money to get it to take us back. We were two dollars short, and he left."
"We get back to the hotel and I find that my chaperone had taken the rest of my clothes to be put on the bus with my luggage so I had nothing to change into for the 15 hour flight home, no money left to buy anything and I was nowhere near the size of anyone to borrow clothes from. Whatever, soon enough I'll be home and it will be time to celebrate. SIKE! The plane has an electrical malfunction, so we wait. The plane is missing a screw from it's wing, so we wait for another one."
"We end up taking another flight to Las Vegas, where we watched slot machines in the airport for two hours before taking another flight backwards into California (?), have to sleep in the airport, we get airplane food for dinner and breakfast and they give us these little McDonalds breakfast vouchers for the "inconvenience". We have to wake up at 5 AM on the airport floor where we were sleeping to go to the opposite side where McDonalds was only for them to tell us they don't accept these vouchers."
"We finally get on the flight home, I'm just covered in sticky days-old chocolate ice cream, cold, sad. We get home, no one had properly updated our parents about the time delay (all they said was our flights were delayed many times) so no one was there to pick anyone up from the airport. My chaperone drove me home, where everyone was asleep and my "Happy Birthday" banner had been taken down because the day was technically over."
Parents Explain Why They Regret The Name They Gave Their Child | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
Forced to be the cook.
"My 27th birthday (this year) was the worst birthday that I have experienced so far."
"I planned to simply celebrate my birthday at home with a few (about 5) friends with us grilling meats and cooking pizza in our brick oven, drinking beer, while listening to mellow tunes on a lazy afternoon. I had it planned with my friends for months and finalized who's bringing which, and who's doing what during our gathering."
"Since I still lived with my parents (I live in the Philippines and it's totally normal in our culture to live with your parents until you find someone to marry), I sought their approval to hold the party in our house weeks before the planned party."
"And here's how the storm starts brewing: a few days before my party, my dad tells me that he's invited a few friends over for the party as well. So I thought, "why not? he owns the house anyway and a few more well-wishers wouldn't hurt." Big mistake."
"On the day of the party itself, my father informed me that he invited more people and there would be about 10-15 more guests arriving and they would greatly appreciate it if we could also cook the food they brought since we were already 'booked' the grill and oven. Since I was the one who was voted to be the pit master by my friends, I had no choice but to accept."
"I ended up grilling for about 9 hours, almost non-stop, without anyone offering to take my place for even a short while. I didn't even have a chance to drink a cold beer because as my father said it 'you can't drink and drive because you'll be the one buying more drinks and food if ever we run out,' nor bond with my friends who I haven't seen for quite some time because of our own professional lives. The only breaks that I was able to 'enjoy' was when I went to the restroom, when I rode my car to buy more beers for my father's guests, and my short meal breaks. My friends and I also endured the loud noises that those obnoxious drunks made as they sang their songs with a guitar. So there you have it, my worst birthday celebration, so far."
Failed birthday party.
"Not mine but a birthday I went to. I received a text invitation to a birthday party from a girl I went to high school with with only a couple of days notice. I knew her and spoke to her a few times but we weren't great or even decent friends, we just knew each other. So I grab 2 other friends and we drive out to her house. Bare in mind her house wasn't crazy far away but still a 25 minute drive "Out to the sticks" in an area with tons of land and neighbors that are a little further away, so I guess driving out there put a few people off."
"I arrive a little later than the start time with my friends who didn't even know the girl and the party was desolate. There were 3 or 4 of her friends there already just sitting around. What made me feel sorry for her was that she obviously invited a lot of people because there were lots of chairs set up and tons of food. I say hi and thank her for the invite but she looks pretty distraught. My friends and I are talking to the girls outside while the birthday girl is nowhere to be seen. They resort to asking us to invite people or see if they're coming. We stayed for probably an hour and no one else turned up. Finally her mum comes out and tells us she decided to just stop the party and that we should go home. I haven't seen her since that party but I felt really bad for her."
"That's awful :( so sorry to hear that, even if it wasn't you. I'm glad you ended up going. My mom has a similar story from when she was in school, being the only one to show up to a girls party, who had clearly invited a large number. The girl ended up crying the entire time. if you genuinely can't make it, fine, but damn show up to a party and help make someone's day, of all days."
"I kind of had a crush on her which is partly why I went but I just liked going to parties and I knew I had no chance anyway. She was a nice girl but I guess she had a reputation of sorts. I think her friends were the MVP's of the night because they really comforted her."
"I was very young and I had been looking forward to going to Alton Towers (British theme park) for weeks. All my friends pulled out at the last minute so it was just me and my direct family."
"Everything seemed to be going ok, but I soon found out that my dad hates rollercoasters because they give him headaches or something. He's normally a friendly guy, but something I said must have set him off. My dad just starts screaming at me that nobody else but me even wants to be at the Theme Park and I shouldn't be forcing people to be unhappy for my own sake. He screamed at me until I started crying."
"So there's me, on my birthday without any of my friends, crying at the happiest place in the world."
Forced into a cult.
Hold onto your hats, this story is wild.
"I got woken up. Normal day at school, but I wasn't going. I remember telling people I was going to be "sick" for a while and had something wrong with my tailbone/spine. My brother went to school, he was told I had a doctor's appointment. At breakfast he was given a brand new cell phone (back when they were super super expensive and huge) and I went to my room and cried because it was my birthday and that was what I had wanted, because all of the cool girls had these black Motorola phones with displays on them and everything. I thought they were so cool and knew I was getting one because my church friend's dad worked at our country's biggest phone company and he always got us with stuff if we asked."
"After getting yelled at for crying, I had to get driven to my aunt-in-law's big house in the suburbs. I was given three bracelets with fake jewels in them before I went upstairs. They spent hours doing my hair and painting me and getting me into this outfit and making sure I looked perfect."
"Then we went downstairs to where my grandmother used to live. She was dead then so it was empty. They sat me down and started in on me. I can't really remember much beyond being interrogated for hours, made to say things I didn't mean, made to say I wanted my parents to leave each other. I remember that last one because they made a huge deal out of my mother being with my dad because he "took her down the wrong path" away from them. They wanted full rights to me and my brother and sister, etc to no avail. So they wanted me to sign stuff."
"My extended family put me into a cult they were in when I was five. On that day I was the proper age according to them and was chosen to be the one to have this child of a boy in there my age."
"We went to his house. His mother was actually really nice to me and reminded me of my own, but in a better way. I was wrong about that but that's not the point. I had to sign paper work saying he 'owned' me on his table and I remember being upset because the table wasn't good enough for me to write on and it kept wobbling."
"I was sat down in his room in a chair, and talked to by his parents and brother about how they wanted to welcome me into the family. His dad kept pacing and pacing and I remember something about motorcycles (big deal in my country) and how he was wondering if I wanted to be a part of the family by saying if he should buy a motorcycle or a new truck for his work. I told him a motorcycle and he said I could ride on it sometime. It was late summer and you could hear bugs in the bushes out of the window."
"They then left me to wait and it robbed me of my education. A normal life with happy memories."
"I never had the child. I am married happily now to another survivor of this and he is the first man I trusted since this happened. But on my birthdate he always makes sure that I get a little time alone to remember this."
"The night before my birthday my mom didn't come home, and if you look up my comment history you'll see that this wasn't unusual for my mom. I woke up on my birthday and went downstairs and my mom wasn't up but her car was in the driveway. I walk into my mom room and she's in bed with a cowboy hat next to her with another woman in the bed. I believe they had clothes on but they have covers on so I don't fully remember. I say mom and she doesn't respond. My older brother and I wait until they both wake up and we see its the woman that's being an awful influence on my mom. Mom and her are still drunk from last night and doesn't wish me a happy birthday until I remind her. She then drives her friend home and comes back several hours later, and she comes back with some gifts and a cake. She clearly forgot my birthday/gifts and couldn't even come home on time for my birthday."
These are terrible birthday's ruined by family and friends alike. Hopefully, their birthdays will only get better from here!
If you're suffering from a terrible birthday, here's a Wiki How to get over your bad birthday.
Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
Christmas is upon us. It's time to get those Christmas present lists together.
So... who has been naughty and who has been nice?
Who is getting diamonds and who is getting coal? Yuck, coal. Is that even a thing anymore? Who even started that idea?
There has to be some funnier or more "for the times" type of "you've been naughty" stocking stuffer.
I feel like the statement coal used to make is kind of last century at this point.
Apparently I'm not alone in this thinking.
Case in point...
Redditor rallfreedom wanted us to update Santa's deliveries for the children on the naughty list, they asked:
"Since Santa is old, and coal was considered worthless back in the day, what new worthless item could Santa give to naughty children in 2021?"
If you really wanted to set me off on Christmas morning, then you should leave me something personalized. Something you how I'd hate. Like a cassette tape of 80's Christian soft rock. That would make a statement of just how naughty I've been.
What a DifferenceBlockbuster GIF by Big Potato GamesGiphy
"Blockbuster gift cards." ~ GamerOfGods33
"And still no one will shop at the one franchise location still open." ~ pesto_trap_god
"AOL Internet discs... (actually getting rare these days)." ~ whorton59
"After collecting enough of those AOL discs, I just open a bottle of Tennessee whiskey and make AOL disc fish wall art." ~ ExRockstar
"I wish I still had the picture, but my friend passed onto me a photo of a chair (more like a throne, if I recall) made entirely of AOL discs." ~ PM_MeYourSmilingFace
"Outdated phone chargers." ~ TheBrotherhoods
"A correct phone charger for the device, but it only works in one very specific angle and charges the phone super slow." ~ Karl_the_stingray
"People rave about how good old Nokias were but they forget that if you went up a version like you got upgraded to a 3310 from a 3210 then all your chargers were now something like 0.25mm too small and you had to buy all new ones." ~ erroneousbosh
"We currently misinterpreted what 'naughty kids get coal' originally meant. For a poor family in December, coal was the difference between warmth and freezing, hot food and not. 'Coal' was not something mean. It was like socks, now." ~ adaza
"Exactly. If the child was selfless, they would get a personal gift as a reward. If the child was selfish, they instead would get a gift to be shared with the family, forcing them to be more altruistic." ~ MoobyTheGoldenSock
Necessities...toilet paper help GIFGiphy
"Toilet paper. Just like coal, it's something the whole house needs and will use but is going to be bought anyway. It's also consumable and practical just like coal." ~ NeverGetaSpaceship
I could still use toilet paper. You never know when society is gonna go off into the deep end again and buy it all up. Remember the beginning of Covid?
Spinfidget GIF by Future GenerationsGiphy
"Idk why but I feel like fidget spinners would be pretty infuriating to the masses of children as something that still counts as a gift but is for sure a let down & past trend." ~ mmaster42
Way back when...
"An "Introduction to Windows 95" book." ~ Actual_grass
"There's one of those package shipping stores near me that sells all kinds of miscellaneous stuff. Anything to make a buck. They have a carousel stand with laminated sheets containing tips on how to use various computer programs. Still for sale as of last week: 'Shortcut keys for Windows XP' and 'Tips for using Microsoft Word 2010.'" ~ dartdoug
"He could give kids one of the old cables that was collected over the years but wasn't thrown away because it could need it at some point." ~ CaptWeirdBeard
"I have a tupperware tote full of those things. I'll sell it to Santa for scap value of the copper. You hear that Santa? $5 and it's all yours." ~ GreatJanitor
"A rotary phone." ~ cannotbefaded
"My Grandma had a rotary phone she kept(still worked so why not) as well as having a cordless phone. Had a relative that wanted to use the rotary phone the one time just to use it instead, decided they didn't want to do that again." ~ golden_fli
"Okay, I actually like rotary phones. I was young enough to remember using rotary phones and preferred using them to touch tone phones. Only because it was fun to spin the dial and watch it spin back into place." ~ GreatJanitor
So close...ronald mcdonald mcdonalds GIFGiphy
"McDonald's toys from 2 years ago. Old enough to not be popular trends, but new enough to not be collector's items." ~ GavinSnowe
McDonald's still has toys? Who knew? And those fidget spinners, how did anyone ever enjoy those? That would set me off as well.
Want to "know" more?
Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
Never miss another big, odd, funny or heartbreaking moment again.
I admit, I love my stuffed animals. They're the best.
Some of them have been with me for years and I have them proudly displayed in different spots around my apartment. And when I've packed them for a move, I've done so with all the tender loving care I can muster.
What is it about them that stirs up these feelings?
Believe it or not, it's quite possible to form emotional attachments to inanimate objects!
People told us all about their own feelings after Redditor MoneySquare5734 asked the online community:
"People of Reddit, what weird sympathies do you have towards inanimate objects?"
"Computers when someone's throwing a fit or tantrum over something like a game lag, buffering or general software issues. Like dude, get angry at the real cause not the hardware thats essentially just the messenger."
We really mistreat our hardware sometimes, don't we? Going to apologize to my computer now.
"I think we're okay now..."
"I once slapped my iPad when it was being slow, then instinctively hugged it and apologised afterwards. I think we’re okay now but the level of trust definitely isn’t what it used to be."
Serves you right! You have a lot to make up for!
"I have way too much emotion..."
"I have way too much emotion invested in my Roomba. Especially as I only have one charging station, so when it's running in my living room/hallway, it can never get back to base as there's a step in the way."
"Usually feel guilty when I come home and find it stuck in some corner, knowing that it literally ran until exhaustion trying to find its home."
I do not have a Roomba but my friend has one and I think he has the opposite reaction. I think he mistreats his!
"All my dollar bills..."
"All my dollar bills need to face up in my wallet, otherwise I get the feeling those Georges and Lincolns are uncomfortable."
I think I do this too. I did not ask to be attacked like this.
"If I see..."
"If I see a really ugly plush toy at a thrift store, I feel compelled to buy it because I feel like it will just get thrown away. So now I have quite a few ugly plushies. I love them."
Aww, they now have a home with you and they must be so happy!
"I guess in general..."
"Abandoned toys. I guess in general I just feel so bad for any inanimate object that is no longer serving its purpose."
How many toys end up in the dump each year, I wonder? And how many of them are plotting their revenge as we speak?
"So I transferred everything..."
"I got a new cellphone not too long ago. So I transfered everything to my new phone but I didn't turn off the old phone afterward."
"This happened late on a Sunday and the next morning my old phone still rang to wake me up and I was somewhat sad that it still thought it was my current phone and that it still had the duty to wake me in the morning."
The feelings this stirred up... I did not know it was possible to feel this way!
"I am very appreciative..."
"Sometimes I give my car a pat on the dashboard and say thank you. It has carried me so many thousands of miles and i am safe. I am very appreciative of its hard work."
Aww. I don't have a car, but I get this! And your car appreciates YOU!
"When I was a kid..."
"When I was a kid I spent a whole afternoon feeding pebbles to a small drain outside my house because I thought it was hungry."
Okay, this is cute – and totally something a little kid would do!
"There's a thing I call..."
"There’s a thing I call 'mechanical empathy.' If you emotionally attach to your bike or car you’ll be kinder and more gentle to it."
"Some people are really rough on cars and other machinery, it’s painful to drive with them."
I was in a car recently with a driver who got a bad case of road rage and just slammed her hands on the dashboard whenever she was upset. That poor car!
Who knew we could feel so attached to the inanimate objects around us? Humans are fascinating creatures. We're capable of a lot of love and empathy, even for the smallest things.
Have some opinions of your own? Feel free to tell us more in the comments below!
Want to "know" more?
Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again.
They say your 30's hits different, like one day you're young a hopeful and the next day you're just WAY too old for this.
What is the "this" you're suddenly too old for?
No idea. It's different for everyone, but make no mistake, it'll happen to you too.
Maybe it already has?
Reddit user BMA1500 asked:
"What sh*t are you too old for?"
Let's take a look at how "too old" hit these Reddit users.
"Arguing with ignorant people on the internet."
"I have no patience or bandwidth to argue with random a-holes on social. Learned that lesson a long time ago."
"Too many fakes and bots now anyway. I am pretty much a 'read only' user of other platforms and only share opinions in person on polarizing issues."
"Petty games while talking to a potential partner."
"Just be straight up and real with me. Tricks are for kids."
"I've always felt this way."
"I remember when one of my girls explained the concept of 'playing hard to get' to me and I was annoyed just hearing it."
"If I have to chase you, that means you’re running away, and I don’t have time for that. If you seem uninterested, I’ll take it on the chin and leave you alone."
"If you like me just say that. If you don’t like me just say that. It’s not hard and moves the process along much faster."
"If you text me and I’m free, I’m going to text back. I’m not going to wait three hours for aesthetic purposes."
"The list goes on."
Cut That Out
"This sounds like some Instagram motivational sh*t, but spending time around people that I genuinely don't like or who make me unhappy and uncomfortable."
"There's so short of a time we have on this Earth and it just hit me right before I turned 30 that I spent a ton of that time with people who I thought sucked."
"I cut that out and I'm much happier."
"I realized this at my cousins wedding. I had a family member walk up to me flat out call me ugly, fat and say that I wasn’t the “good” family guy anymore."
"What!?!? Why would you even say that?? And they said it with a smile on their face the whole time..."
"After that night I haven’t spoken to them in 2 years and I’m super happy! I’m too f*cking old to be dealing with that nonsense for the rest of my life."
"It takes days to recover now, and most bad hangovers come with an existential crisis attached."
"When I was young I remember times I'd have a day off from work and be like 'Hell yeah, I'm gonna get trashed and play video games all night it's gonna be great!' "
"Now it's like "Great, I'm 3 drinks in and I'm just tired & have heart burn.' "
"It's not the same."
"I used to work 12-9pm, party the entire night. And then be back to work like a pro."
"If this was a Friday, partying used to resume Saturday afternoon. That was my early 20s."
"In my 30s now, and I wait for Fridays so that I can be dead on my bed the entire Saturday."
"The existential crisis is the worst. Just lying there wondering what the hell you are doing with your life, what came to this and when you are going to grow out of it."
"Then it passes and life goes on."
"General admission tickets. My old ass requires a reserved seat."
"Hahaha… last gen admission show I went to I had to find a 'comfortable' wall to lean on."
"When it comes to music festivals, the wife and I go for VIP just so we can get fancier washrooms and shorter lines at the food trucks."
"I agree but, man, it makes feel like I’m a spectator at at a concert and not part of the real party down on the floor."
"There comes an age when you have to consider... 'Do I really care what kind of clickbait sh*t my high school friends who I never talk to and never will see, likes?' "
"I only had Facebook because it helped with socializing in college/high school, but afterwards it's really hard to want to add new friends because they can see your history, and you can too."
"Honestly, the only reason why I have a Facebook is because I still have my mom as my friend and she passed 4 years ago."
"Every time I go on there, I'm tired now."
"I deleted Facebook three years ago."
"Found out all my Marine Corps buddies were either total idiots, painfully stereotypical post-9/11 veterans, ill-informed political junkies, and mostly people I haven't had anything to do with in years."
"Moving or helping other people move. Just no."
"I've moved a lot of times and have helped many people move."
"One of the best decisions I've ever made was hiring movers. 300 bucks for the big stuff is money extremely well spent."
"I've broken my body helping people move because I'm the 'young and strong guy' in the friend group. Way too many times now. F*ck that sh*t, hire movers."
"I can agree with this."
"I used to work as a mover for a couple summers and I don't even want to move myself lmao."
Not The Cool Old Guy
"I told myself when I get older I need to be open minded and not the close minded grumpy old man..."
"Then I see all these obviously staged videos and corny dancing/lip syncing stuff and realize it’s inevitable I am not gonna be the cool old guy."
"I have this exact same process with TikTok."
"I think to myself, 'I’m really the bitter old woman I said I would never be, aren’t I?' Lol"
"I’ve downloaded TikTok at least 3 times and deleted it almost immediately."
"I am drawing a line at TikTok. I’m old."
Since We're Talking About TikTok...
"When Macy's Thanksgiving Parade performers are introduced as "TikTok sensation" without any other credentials worth mentioning."
"I think the only performer I knew yesterday was Kelly Rowland because of Destiny’s Child."
"My google search history is full of my confusion."
"Oh man I’m so glad we missed the parade then. Maybe I’m just too old but that would’ve been cringe."
Why Are We Screaming?
"People (mainly young girls) who scream for no reason."
"I understand if you're terrified of something, but screaming when you meet up with your friends or just when the situation does not call for it makes me SO mad. I find it so infuriating."
"Just shut up. Lol."
"My kids learned a very long time ago not to scream like that. I hate excessive loud noise in any environment, but it’s especially nerve wracking in close quarters."
"My Mother-in-Law will have a dinner every so often for the family to get together. My husbands brother’s kids are so freaking annoying like this."
"We’re having pizza? Scream."
"We’re baking cookies? Scream."
"Someone found you in hide and seek? Scream."
"I’ve been too old for that since I was 6. Shit was ALWAYS annoying."
Real talk, apparently I'm *very* old going by the stuff on this list.
I'm gonna need to go sit with that for a bit... let me go turn on the seat warmer so my bones aren't stiff when I stand up later.
Want to "know" more?
Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
Never miss another big, odd, funny or heartbreaking moment again.
Do all mothers go to the say mom school or something? Because they seem to share the same advice or go on the same platitudes, don't they?
Here's an idea.
Maybe they're just older, have more experience, and are trying to keep us from being dumbasses in public. At least, that's what I think.
I'm definitely grateful for my mother's advice—it's saved me more than once—and it seems many out there are too. And they all seem to have heard the same things from their mothers, too.
Any of these sound familiar? They probably do, and we heard all about them after Redditor lame_excuses asked the online community,
"What are some things all moms say?"
"I'll go first..."
"I'll go first: 'So if your friend jumped off a cliff would you jump off too?"
Okay, my mother did not say this, but all my friends' mothers did.
"We have fun."
"My mom always made me put on a coat when we went outside, even if I wasn't cold, simply because she was cold."
"Now that I'm an adult, she no longer tells me this but instead I complain about being cold and ask, indignantly, why no one told me to put in a coat."
"We have fun."
I want a documentary crew to follow you both around. It'd be hilarious.
"I credit George Carlin for all of these."
"When you lose something."
- Have you tried looking for it?
- Have you looked everywhere?
- Well, it didn't just get up and walk away.
"I credit George Carlin for all of these."
George Carlin knew what he was talking about. RIP.
"You know Glynis? She's your aunt's mother-in-law's close friend. Anyway, she died last week."
"I have eyes..."
"I have eyes in the back of my head."
"My mom used to say that to my sister and I so we wouldn't be sneaky behind her back. One day she was washing the dishes and I came up behind her with my two fingers and poked her right where I assumed her back eyes would be. She shouted, 'Ouch!' I believed her for years!!"
I was convinced of this too! Damn, my mother was good.
"I had some friends over..."
"I had some friends over when I was a teenager, and I bet them I could get my mom to say the word 'food.'"
"Hey, mom, what's for dinner?"
"Worked every time."
You both clearly planned this!
"When at the billing counter..."
"When at the billing counter every mom has the maternal instinct to say - 'Just stay in the line, I need to go grab a few more things.'"
This is my mother.
How many times have I dealt with this?!
“It’s because you didn’t drink enough water."
BUT I DO!!
"If you have siblings..."
"If you have other siblings and they’re trying to yell at you they will call you by all your other siblings' names before they get to yours. Usually starting with the oldest and working their way backwards."
Good thing my family was small!
"My Mum used to use it all the time..."
"'Soon.'" An indeterminate time frame from 5 minutes to several hours. My Mum used to use it all the time to deflect stupid questions like 'When is dinner?'"
"Answer: she always, always served it around 6 pm."
It's true! My mother would do this – and still does this. And we definitely don't eat as early as that!
Confirmed: All mothers meet for the annual mother convention to say all–and I do mean ALL–of these things to their kids.
Anything missing, though? Feel free to tell us more in the comments below!
Want to "know" more?
Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again.