It's hard being awkward.
Sometimes you really just don't know what's going to come out of your own mouth. And then your mouth opens and....welp. You've ruined everything.
But fear not--you are not alone.
Here were some of their answers.
Please; Hesitate To AskGiphy
Today I was working with a high profile client and I intended to say "if you need anything else don't hesitate to let me know" but my brain was stuck on "please let me know" so what I said was "if you need anything else please hesitate to let me know". So I won't be surprised if I don't hear from him again any time soon.
A Jolly Holiday
In high school I told someone merry Christmas and they replied that they were Jewish so I cheerfully replied Happy Jewish then!
It's been over ten years and I still cringe at the thought.
I worked in an office and there was a homeless guy outside that used to ask for cigarettes. I was walking up the street and saw him so was practising what to say in my head. It went like this:
Him: "give me a smile"
Me: "sorry I don't have any"
Not Literally....Oh Nevermind
I put an old collar from my cat on a stuffed tiger. (The cat had long since passed away) We were doing a school play one day and I was the 'lion tamer' so I brought the tiger in with his collar. Some guy walked up to talk to me about how funny it was that my tame tiger had a collar...and what did I say?
"Thanks, I took it off of my dead cat." That ended that conversation right there.
Calm It, Calm It Real Good
I suck at comforting people face to face. The girl I had the absolute BIGGEST crush on was crying and venting to me about how her anxiety disorder is stopping her from living a normal life. "Ok but calm down" was the only thing that came out of my mouth. Luckily we both had a good laugh about it.
Not A Racist, Promise
You can tell a lot about a new born's health by their pallor. They can come out purple and blue, or yellow. Grey or white. Or a healthy flushed pink. I was pretty excited when I received the news that one of my nieces had been born while I was at work. I rushed into my bosses office and said breathlessly,
"The baby is here! She has all ten fingers and ten toes and came out the right colour and everything."
An alternate interpretation of "the right colour" hadn't occurred to me until I saw the look on his face.
I Didn't Mean...Literally....
Waiting in line to return some stuff at home depot. Plumbing associate comes up to get some returns. he's wrestling with some long pipes. So, I grabbed the other side and helped him load them on to his cart.
Him: "Thank you, but you didn't need to do that"
Me: "I don't mind. It looked like you really could use another hand"
As he was walking away I realized one of his arms was amputated at the elbow.
So at my job we have to say "have a nice day" and I was working night shift and tried to say "have a nice night" and "day" at the same time. I ended up saying " Nae" I wanted to die. I've said it about 5 times at my job. I have died a little bit inside when it happens.
When Autopilot Leads You Into War Zones
I asked a coworker how their trip to China went and I got distracted right after I asked the question and automatically replied "nice, I bet it was quite the experience." Then moments later my brain registered her reply. She said "On my way there my mom died and I had to come back to deal with that".
We don't talk anymore.
Oh where to start?! Lol
Most recently I guess. I was walking out of my office building and had my umbrella with me. A lady walks in as I'm walking out and asked"hey where did you get that?" I'm assuming because she wanted to buy one for herself. But stupid awkward me responded with "It's mine!" And promptly running away into the rain.