Sometimes, a tough decision or a new situation never before encountered hits you in the face with how little you know about anything in the real world. So you turn to someone that--hopefully--has some wisdom to give.
PSA: a lot of people out here have no idea what's happening. But they do have a confident tone of voice.
Sometimes the bad advice really sells, and the asking party behaves as they've been guided. And then everything completely blows up in their face. No more please for wisdom from THAT guy.
Other times, the stumped and vulnerable have enough smarts to smell BS when it crosses their face.
AlmightyOne23 asked, "What's the dumbest piece of advice you've been given?"
A Not-So-Rare but Serious Side Effect is Certain Death
"Smoke cigarettes to deepen your voice."
Just Work Here Forever, Kid
"You might as well quit school and take this job." - My Father
Ladies Love a Sweaty Wilda Beast
"Don't shower often or wear deodorant. Girls like a guy who smell like he don't care. If you smelling clean, you gon' come off as gay or only attract closeted lesbians."
Hindsight is 20/20, Pops
"Don't get into computers. Everything that needs to be made has been made." --My dad in '96
"You should buy a house for the maximum amount they'll approve a home loan for"
--someone whose house was foreclosed on a year ago.
Hem Em' In With a Little Christmas Cheer
"Sprinkle cinnamon around to get rid of ants."
Just ended up with spicier ants.
The Old Blindside One-Two Punch
"If you're having an argument and don't want to talk about it now, just agree with them and bring it up again later."
It's Just a Human Life, Roll the Dice
"You say you don't like or want kids, but you should have at least one just to see if you change your mind."
Or They're Working
"If you're feeling better, you probably don't need them anymore." This was concerning an anti-depressant medication called Paxil.
What followed were some very difficult weeks.
But it Will Get You a Job
"Flattery will get you nowhere."
It seems to get you ahead in many places in the real world.
Keeping Yes Men Around
My cousin said that he talked to a "financial advisor" who told him to use 1/3 of his inheritance on drugs and lottery tickets so he can "get it out of his system"...
I Bet it'll be Fine
Got back from rehab, after 3 months of being sober and living with parents, my first day moved back into our house, and my best friend says: "I don't think you're an addict, you shouldn't quit, just take it slow."
It's All About that Illusion, Kid
When I was shopping for a new car, my boss advised me to never mind the total costs, just get a manageable monthly payment.
Nope, It's Abuse
"If they're hitting you, it means they like you! Who else would risk getting in serious trouble than someone who is fighting for your attention."
It took an embarrassingly long time for me to realize this isn't normal and only because I got lucky one of my partners wasn't actually horrible.
The Ol' Under-30 Heart Attack
"Mix coffee and Redbull and you can study the whole night!"
I think I almost died that night.
Meritocracy Died in the 1400s
"You have to work really hard to get noticed and advance in your job"
I had a lot of jobs where I just worked my ass off and that never advanced my position. It's way more important to form conditions and network at your workplace to get ahead. If you know people in high positions you are way more likely to get ahead.
"Stop thinking you're a lesbian. you should just date a man and just not have sex with him. Eventually you'll like him and get married, easy."
Advice from my dad LMAO. Thankfully, he's somewhat come around.
Sometimes Children Actually Just Suck
"Enjoy them while you can - you'll miss it when they get older."
Lady please....my toddler is laying, kicking and screaming in the middle of a Best Buy because he just realized his shoes don't have laces. I'm allowed to hate these moments.Giphy
"When you really, really want to slap someone, do it. Just make sure to say mosquito! when you do."
Ya Gotta Know What You're Dealing With
Humans aren't electrically conductive, says my OSHA trainer this week. thatguyinthejeans
Dry skin has fairly high resistance but blood is very very conductive. Bonus for making an electrical path between your arms so the flow is through your heart. 80burritospersecondGiphy