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People Break Down The Workplace Red Flags That Scream 'Get A New Job!'

People Break Down The Workplace Red Flags That Scream 'Get A New Job!'
Image by Free-Photos from Pixabay

Let's be real, we're all been sitting around at work and had that moment where we came to accept that YUP it's time to move on. It doesn't always have to be something dramatic, but when you know you know... ya know?

Reddit user cardinalwren asked:

What's a red flag that you need to find a new job?

OK so listen, please y'all remember that there are almost always other jobs and other opportunities there if you work and plan for it. Do not sacrifice your mental health or physical safety for a job not one second longer than you absolutely must.

With that said, let's get ready to rumble...

Go Away

Ferris Buellers Day Off Smile GIFGiphy

"My last job had a number of red flags. My breaking point was when I couldn't enjoy time off due to stressing out about work." - ProscuittoSuit

"This is a big one that a lot of people ignore."

"If you can't have a week off without spending it worrying about what is going on in your absence, then the job sucks - UNLESS you're the owner, in which case that's very much your responsibility to find people you can trust to run the place while you're away."

"I used to have a job where if you took a week off, you'd spend the next 2-3 weeks trying to fix the mess that you came back to."

"That is the result of a bad management structure and organization. Employees should be able to take their time off without regretting it when they come back."

"If your employer has a 'yeah you can take your time off, but you'll be making that time up when you return' sort of set up then you should get the f*ck out of there." - LetsNotBeTooHonest

"I hear that. I had my one day off yesterday. Came back in to dozens of half-finished jobs and demanding customers. My first thought was: 'I should have used my day off to shoot myself.' Yeah, that's not healthy." - MrHermeteeowish

"Had a job one where they would call me on my off time to reprimand me."

"Once called me right before a college class to accuse me of theft, only to find the money 10 minutes later exactly where I told them."

"Constant anxiety at work, constant anxiety at home. When I finally got fired I felt relief. F*ck those kinds of bosses." - Abigboi_

Hoping For The Worst

Bill Murray Sigh GIF by Groundhog DayGiphy

"I used to drive to work with the not-so-suppressed feeling that I wouldn't mind being involved in an accident that resulted in my hospitalization. Perhaps a couple of broken legs and a long but achievable recovery, because then I'd get a few weeks or months off."

"At the same job I had a colleague who said he didn't bother looking when he crossed the road because it didn't matter to him."

"Somehow I didn't pick up on it at the time but that place was not good for anyone working there." - LetsNotBeTooHonest

"Yup, this one. Friend told me he realized he had to get out when he started contemplating stepping into traffic on the way to work. I decided to put more energy in my job hunt when I found myself doing the same." - ichemistried

"A different take on the same thing - my old roommate talked all the time about hating his job but mostly jokingly - but it was good money and he figured that's just how work life is."

"One day he fell down the stairs at the train station on his way to work and ended up with a pretty brutal concussion and broke his wrist.

And his literal very first thought was "at least I don't have to go to work" and that's when he realized it wasn't normal to hate your job that much." - PhiloPhocion



"An unusual amount of coworkers, especially higher ups, are leaving the company." - TheBassMeister

"This is a big one. I've been through a dozen or so reorganization efforts at different companies. If there's a shakeup in senior leadership, I take that as a massive red flag that I need to fire up LinkedIn or start emailing contacts about job prospects." - Kooky_Finding8516

"This is a big one. I've seen it play out in two different companies. When the senior folks are leaving it's either the culture/ownership is toxic or a major shakeup is about go down.

An extra red flag if they're leaving the industry altogether." - Desperate_Pineapple

Not A Robot

The Wave Dancing GIFGiphy

"If you have PTO and sick leave but they never let you take it and make you feel bad when you do." - Spider7895

"My job has a very strict attendance policy that includes sick time. You get 3 occurrences a year which includes everything from family emergencies, bereavement, to sick time."

"Anything over the 3 occurrences and it's a write up."

"My breaking point was being harassed about a doctors note to include the first day that I was too sick to get out of bed, let alone see a doctor. When I called the nurse to have them adjust the note, I ended up bawling my eyes out because the nurse apologized to me for having to deal with management like that."

"F*ck sick shaming. I'm not a robot I'm a human being." - HappyOtato

A Very Red Flag

red flag GIF by Steve Harvey TVGiphy

"When they don't have enough funds to cover payroll. That was a very red flag" - hmbrandvfvsa

"Yep! If they say 'We have to hold your paychecks for [any time whatsoever]' then they are this >< close to closing their doors."

"That's a company with so little money that they're dipping into their operating costs for cash flow (payroll being one of the biggest of these.)" - Empty-Masterpiece242

"Oh ya. Leave yesterday if that ever happens ." - Jert3

More Work

Happy Jim Carrey GIFGiphy

"When they continue to pile work on you, and don't up your pay or benefits."

"The downside to actually giving half a f*ck and doing a good job often means you'll have the work of others dumped on you, cause 'you do such a good job.' " - TheGoodJudgeHolden

"The reward for good work is more work" - Juker93

"Aaaaand this is why I am searching for a new job at the moment."

"I carry the responsibility of at least 3 people and don't get paid nearly enough (about $8/hr below the low end average pay for my position) to invest in ways I can decompress when I'm not at work. Time to go." - Emilybohbemily

Bad Boss

The Golden Path Boss GIF by The Chemical BrothersGiphy

"If your boss doesn't support you. If they are quick to anger and/or always assume the worst... you constantly feel like you have to defend yourself, and nothing you do is good enough."

"You probably ARE good enough; they just don't like you and it doesn't matter how hard you try. The more you work, the more you achieve, the more you are determined to change their mind, the more you are positive and resilient, the more it will just piss them off."

"You're likely smarter and more talented and they feel threatened by you." - SmellyZelly

"I just left a job like this. Everyone in the company hated the boss and he always felt he knew more about our roles than we did...he didn't, though."

"This led us to really not putting in extra effort because when we did we were told to 'stay in our lane' but if we didn't put in extra effort then we were constantly asked what we did all day and even had to track our time and how long projects took."

"Dude was crazy and a bad manager/leader/business owner. I rage quit, everyone else I worked with was actively seeking new work. I was lucky that I had something to fall back on." - DizzySecretary4711

The Best Questions To Ask During A Job Interview | George Takei’s Oh Myyy


freeze GIFGiphy

"I work for a university and when the pandemic hit, they implemented a job freeze. Managers have to make a case for why they need someone."

"My previous department is chronically short staffed and has been holding an employee hostage because she got another position within the university. Her position has been posted twice and no one has applied for it. It's been 3 months."

"I was glad to escape, but my current department is down by half. I haven't been there long and it's been so stressful because the workload is insane and the learning curve is steep."

"I'm prone to depression and can feel myself sinking. I've been looking at jobs outside of the university but am too mentally exhausted to apply." - puffityfluffity

"Bruh. I work the Security Ops for a university. We can't keep people over 2 weeks since the higher-ups added so much to our workload cuz of a freeze."

"We haven't had a full team since last February."

"Not to mention it's a worker's market out there right now, so pay-wise we're just too much for too little pay. I'd leave too if I weren't getting free classes to finish my degree."

"I used to love this job." - MildMantis

Training Your Boss

Come On Reaction GIF by NBAGiphy

"You had to train your new boss" - LegoMyAlterEgo

"I worked for a government department and took a temporary promotion in a line of business I was very good at."

"I took on a team of new staff, trained them and got them over 3 months to competency. I didn't receive a job of training or support for doing so."

"To fill my role permanently, my department recruited from a shortlist that had been in existence for 6 months. I couldn't apply, my performance wasn't considered, I was to be demoted back down against everyone's wishes."

"They brought in someone with no relevant knowledge in the line of work or management experience. I trained him up and promptly left." - Dontbesouritsanewday

Baby Breaks

its happening now lena dunham GIF by Girls on HBOGiphy

"When I was pregnant I was harassed and made fun of."

"When it came time to get maternity leave, I was only given 3 weeks off. My boss said she didn't care what the law was, she was above it."

"They made sure to call me to make sure that I was coming back almost everyday. When I finally returned, I was told that I could not pump my breastmilk. My daughter was exclusively breast fed at the time."

"I was told it was my duty to answer the phones and that pumping should be done on a lunch break. I ended up soaking clothes and bras and losing my milk supply."

"Thank god I no longer work that job, it was highly toxic and the women were just nasty and catty. Heaven forbid you wore the wrong outfit or wrong brand of clothing." - Tapdncn4lyfe2

Money Is The Whole Point

Pay Me Kim Kardashian GIF by GQGiphy

"Not making any money."

"I'm a newly licensed Realtor. I know they say the first year is hard as is and add in this market to be extra difficult... But I haven't made any money since April (been licensed since September)."

"I still don't think I've even made profit yet. All the fees to join Realtor associations and get access to the MLS. Not to mention showing clients houses and then they get frustrated that their offer isn't getting accepted."

"That's so much wasted time and gas that I get zero compensation for. I don't want to be a quitter but I feel like it's all uphill." - Madam-Savage

A Whole List

Billy Ray Cyrus Scroll GIF by 2020 MTV Video Music AwardsGiphy

"I recently left a job I was in for six years. To summarize, these were my red flags:"

  1. "Hours were awful due to rapid growth of the company coupled with the inability to hire and keep experienced people. This piled more work into less and less people. I'd regularly work 12 hour days during most weeks, as well as longer during busy season (January through may). I'd have to work Sunday on my own time because I'd get so distracted with daily meetings during the week it was impossible to get actual work done."
  2. "None or the firm's systems worked, despite hiring an entire group to manage them. This led to a lot of manual workarounds that caused more inefficiencies"
  3. "Management expected perfection despite ridiculous workloads, tight timing, and very low staff. You'd have billion dollar funds being sent back down the review queue for $1 rounding variances. To people with a no financial background, that's absurd and a complete waste of time."
  4. "Management was manipulative. They would always phrase things in a way that made it sound like everything was your fault. It's your fault something didn't get done on time, not the fact that you have the workload of 6 people and the systems don't work. Then it would hit your performance."

"So yeah, if you experience any of the above please leave. I'm a few months out of that job now and couldn't be happier. Don't stay in a job that makes you miserable." - CalmDecision9770

Turnovers - But Not The Pastry Kind

Over It Starz GIF by Run The WorldGiphy

"When people don't last past the 6 month mark. The department that I work in at my hospital has a high turnover rate of nurses and medical assistants."

"This is mostly due to the fact that management has never changed and there is a lot of catering to doctors that have been there for 20+ years and want to make them happy by continuing doing archaic practices that are no longer used."

"This is a cancer center. So many patients fall through the cracks or have died because of how awful management is." - depressed_popoto

The Old Timers

raise get GIFGiphy

"People have been working there for 10+ years and never got a raise. That's a sign to run." - TheGrizzlyNinja

"When the longest employed person who worked at a company that has been around for a while, has only been present in the company for 2 years or less."

"Usually it means that there is a high turnover rate and the the entire culture is crappy, if the longest lasting employees have a short time of being there." - radiantheron8679

About The Title

No Thank You GIF by Karen CivilGiphy

"My previous job offered me a promotion (higher authority level, more responsibility etc.)"

"When I asked about the pay increase they looked at me as if I was insane and said 'a promotion shouldn't be about a raise it's more about the title' … f*ck a title, if there's more work and more responsibility there should be more money."

"I noped outta there soon after." - ekay333


I Like Yes GIF by Saturday Night LiveGiphy

"When work is on your mind 75% of the time even when you aren't there, but it's out of dread and not because it's your passion."

"Goal: find a job you think about 75% of the time because it is your passion." - cosmic_pharaoh

The Biggest Sign

Say Word Lol GIF by Desus & MeroGiphy

"If you opened this thread hoping to find an excuse to leave your current job" - OpaqueDreamer

Honest question... how many of you just realized you need a new job?

If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).

To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at

The Weirdest Animal Facts People Know

Reddit user FunChemical3182 asked: 'What is the weirdest animal fact you know?'

Michael Jerrard on Unsplash

People accumulate facts throughout life on a wide variety of subjects.

Some are mundane while others are weird, wild or wonderful.

One subject a lot of people focus on is animals. Most people have a favorite animal that fascinates them that they want to know all about.

Keep reading...Show less

Content Warning: Mental Health, Suicide, Domestic Violence

We all know that we technically can't make anyone else do anything, and we certainly can't "fix" other people. Other people will only change or do something if they choose to; the only person we can really control is ourselves.

But some people really love to try, often to hilarious and terrible results.

Already cringing, Redditor Dapper_Algae6280 asked:

"People who entered a relationship thinking 'I can fix them,' how did that go?"

Time for an Upgrade

"There is a weird thing that happens when you 'fix' someone. They tend to think if you liked them broken, then they deserve better than you now that they are better than they were."

- TheRealLifePotato

"As horrible as it sounds, to have a happy, emotionally healthy relationship you need two happy, emotionally healthy people. If you want to be in that sort of relationship, you need to fix yourself first."

- inactiveuser247

"This right here. After three sh*tty relationships in a row, I realized this is a me problem. I took a few years off from dating to reflect and really learn to see red flags and understand myself so I wouldn't make that mistake again."

- MikoSkyns

No More Spark

"My now ex had PTSD, depression, and a variety of other issues she claimed. After two and a half years of dating (being my first and only relationship), she became more social, less suicidal, and overall happier as a person."

"She decided to cheat on me with someone else due to 'lack of communication' and us 'no longer having a spark". The irony."

"For context, we were 17 at the time, in high school, and I worked full-time hours with initiatives to hang out, which were refused. Red flags everywhere."

- elteragxo

"Your situation is eerily similar to mine, what the f**k?"

"I met a girl with mental and emotional issues and decided to fix them through a healthy relationship. She recovered and found someone else because 'the spark was gone.'"

- Aimlessdrifter8778

Misery Loves Company

"Now we are both broken."

- Brave-Butterscotch76

"The same thing happened to my sister-in-law. She married a very negative and miserable guy while saying 'he will get better' or 'we’re working on it,' and now she’s a very negative and miserable person."

- Moreofyoulessofme

Getting to Watch a Partner Grow

"At first we were only f**king. I don't know if I ever thought I could fix her, but I did fall in love with this beautiful lady with severe anxiety, depression, and trust issues after being in a domestically violent relationship."

"We were f**k buddies for about six months and I got a glimpse of her issues but I still went ahead and asked her to be my girlfriend The heart wants what it wants."

"We dated for a year and a half (two years since meeting), and I actually got to see her at her worst a few times, but I was finally able to get her therapy with a great psychiatrist and treatment, this is when I asked her to move in with me. We've been living together for six years."

"Four years ago, she had the worst breakdown I've seen. She went full-on paranoid, wall-scratching nervous, she was even doubting me and my motives to be there. It was a very difficult week, and she left the house and went to her mom's house in the middle of the night."

"Eventually, her therapist was able to get a hold of her and get her back to her senses. Her doctor then suggested that I also should go to a counselor or at the very least we should do couples therapy so we had strong bases for our relationship and we did."

"I now look back and won't change her for anything in the world, she has grown so much, and she glows right now. I now see her smile and it's glorious. She's achieved a great position too and it's amazing just to see how much happier she looks."

- Spiritual-Narwhal666

Not a Match

"I fixed what I wanted to fix, but that still didn't make us right for each other. In the end, I think she's in a much happier place than she could have been, so I think it was worth the time invested."

"We were wrong for each other, but at least we both came out better positioned to receive the happiness that would come to us later."

- MrWeb20

In Their Nature

"A couple of months into the relationship, I fixed him."

"After some irritation, he stopped peeing on the carpet. Now, my cat still brings mice, but I guess, that's just his nature."

- mobileJay77

The Importance of Boundaries

"I don't know if I would say that I 'fixed' her (and I wasn’t trying to), but I definitely taught my last ex the importance of being able to set boundaries and to stop going out of her way to please people who consistently hurt her."

"Eventually this would lead to us breaking up, but I have no regrets. I have issues of my own that were wearing her down and she did what she had to. Same rules apply. We’re both better off because of it."

- TylerTexas10

Happily Ever After

"She fixed herself and I fixed myself with each other's support, and we are living happily ever after, it seems, with ongoing work on ourselves and our relationship."

- DonPronote

An Uncommon Ending

"I didn’t fix them. But I tried my hardest to be patient and supportive while they fixed themself. Sometimes I was better at support than other times. Sometimes they were better at fixing than other times."

"It ended up being worth the patience. Things have been great with us for years now. I know this isn’t the normal outcome though, and I feel incredibly lucky."

- I_Invented_Frysauce

A Little Help from Our Friends

"Usually I'm the one people try to fix.. I think the repeated attempts definitely helped me. Now my current partner gets to enjoy the previous hard work."

"...I think I just got tired of hurting the people who love me and fixed myself, though."

- addrien

All Their Idea

"You can't fix anyone. You can only fix yourself, but if you really want to try and fix someone, you have to make it seem like it's their idea."

- BuhrZap

A Helping Hand

"I don't think you can fix anyone. You can only help them fix themselves, which is very different."

"If someone is actively trying to fix themselves, and you can actually be the person to support them through it, then it can work, but it could also not work."

"I do think there should be a distinction between the two. I mean, trying to fix someone is a bad idea, but if you like someone and are willing to support them in their journey to fix themselves, it's probably not the worst idea in the world."

- brooksie1131

Lesson Learned

"It went so well that they managed to cure me of the desire to 'fix' anybody."

"I’ll toss you a life preserver if you’re trying to save yourself. But I’m not jumping in the water with anyone so they can drown me on their way out."

"People who need to hit rock bottom in order to better themselves will use you to soften their landing if you let them."

- GlobalPermit5428

Best Friends Forever

"It went well but it didn’t work out."

"So we kind of fixed each other we were both at very weird points in our lives and we only dated for about one and a half years. We didn’t need a romantic partner but we did need a friend in each other."

"We’re both in better places now and the best of friends. We both want each other to be part of our lives just not as lovers."

"All and all, I say we got the best outcomes in our lives."


So Worth the Investment

"He was an Uber driver with only a high school diploma."

"I married him anyways and bankrolled his education because he was fun as f**k to be around, was the smartest person I’ve ever met, and loves me like I’m the only woman on Earth."

"Now, he’s a computer engineer and we are landlords together and have bought investment properties. We are very happy together."

"Partners work together to create success. I think selfish people ask, 'what’s in it for me?' Marriage is about selflessness."

"I’m glad I sacrificed for his education. His mind would be wasted otherwise and he’s a genius."

- BabyElephantWalks

In most of these cases, the situation went poorly after a Redditor tried to change someone, and for good reason. If that person isn't ready or doesn't want to be fixed, it's only going to damage the relationship.

There's also something to be said about unconditional love. If you don't want to date the person exactly as who they are right now, why are you even trying to date them?

If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988.

To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at

Guy at the gym
Anastase Maragos/Unsplash

Tough guys put on a facade that indicates to others that they always know what's going on.

But their confidence doesn't always match their intellect, which is probably why they cover their insecurities by walking around and trying to show everyone who's really the boss.

If that's the case, they should keep their mouths shut because not everything that comes out of their mouth needs to be heard.

Yet, it can be amusing to everyone else.

Curious to hear examples of these, Redditor PrototypeShadowBlitz asked:

"Reddit, what is the stupidest thing you've heard from the 'alpha male' community?"

You might find these guys at a bar.

The Dude Must Be Hungry

"Had a run in once with a group of young lads about something in a bar and one of them said we are top of the food chain bro and you will be the prey."

– insertitherenow

"'Whatever, mall ninja" -proper response."

– TheEighthLord

If The Shoe Fits

"That they were an alpha male."

– I_Have_A_Name37654

"The use of 'Alpha Male,' unironically is every indication that you're dealing with a child's understanding of manhood."

– 88Dubs

Brat Pack

"Me and my bros are all alpha males."

– SonOfDadOfSam

"I was skiing one time and rode the lift with a guy that said, 'I don't feel no pain. I live with 5 roommates and none of us feel any pain.' Okay, bud. That's a really interesting coincidence."

– NicPizzaLatte

They sure thrive on making sexist comments.

Contagious Femininity

"A coworker said, 'I don't spend too much time with my girlfriend because I'll become too feminine.'"

– Lazy_Natural6154


– aliebabadegrote

Sexist Categorization

"I have been called a beta for saying that my wife makes more money than I do. She works in a more lucrative field and is more educated than I am, so it makes perfect sense that she makes more than I do."

"So I came back, and this post has really blown up. There's just a few things I want to clarify."

"1- I have only ever been called a beta online."

"2- I work full-time in project management. I have a master's degree. I have a 6 figure salary."

"3- My wife has a PhD and works in finance. She also has a 6 figure salary, it's just a higher salary than my own."

"4- I'm sorry to anyone who might feel as though my original post misled them."

– ExaminationDouble240

It's Teamwork

"A real man would be proud of his wife for achieving success, and not fall for that sort of insecure bullsh*t."

"It's not a contest, that's the real joke here. Good on you for seeing the big picture."

– Mrbeardoesthethings

Do these roles about parenting sound familiar?

Childish Things Are Too Girly

"Real men don't take their kids trick or treating is one that I heard recently."

– constructionguy89

"Related. Guys who brag about not changing diapers, not playing 'girly' games, etc. Essentially guys who brag that their only contribution to fatherhood is money and masculine things like fishing or football. Even then some of them brag about not paying a lot of child support to prove they didn't let the system take advantage of them."

"I can't imagine a life so empty my only accomplishment worth bragging about was being a terrible parent."

– Green7000

This Woman's Work

"I was told that taking care of my kids is woman's work. Apparently it's concerning that I try to spend so much of my free time with them. Oddly enough the meatheads at my grappling club think it's sweet I occasionally have my daughters' hair clips on and nails painted."

– MrFunktasticc

People discussed rules in the bedroom.

Never Submissive

"That a man is turned off when their wife/girlfriend seduces them, because if she wants sex and shows it she is a sl*t, also making the man the submissive one…"

– kamalaophelia

Stifling Emotions

"Not the whole community, but was cuddling with a guy once and could tell he was trying not to get emotional over something that was bothering him. He said, quite literally, 'it's not alpha male behaviour.' I told him that I liked that he showed emotions sometimes, and he looked disgusted by the fact that I pointed it out."

– LambLifts

In high school, a classmate who was on the football team said I was a "sissy" for listening to classical music.

The other classmates laughed at me, which was hardly surprising since all of the guys on our unbeatable football team were considered stars on campus.

This kind of mockery was a typical day for me.

I can laugh at their idiotic comments now but back then, I don't know why I ever let them get under my skin.

Man standing behind large flowers
Quinn Buffing on Unsplash

We've all done things, or in some cases, regularly do things that others might consider weird.

Even so, we often feel no shame or embarrassment and embrace how unusual these habits are, and take our friends teasing or laughing at us for doing so in stride.

Sometimes, however, we might not like to advertise some of our unusual habits or actions and make every effort to keep them a well-guarded secret.

As raised eyebrows are much easier to take than blatant judgment from friends and peers.

Redditor Key_Nectarine_1969 was curious to hear all the weird things people have done which they still keep under lock and key, leading them to ask:

"What’s the weirdest thing you’ve done that you could only tell people anonymously?"

The Devil [Dogs] Is In The Detail...

"All throughout middle school, there was someone who tucked unwrapped Hostess Devil Dogs into the toilet paper dispensers in the bathrooms, so that when you pulled some toilet paper out, the devil dog would fall out into your hand."

"We had to have an assembly about it."

"That person... Was me."- bejeweled_sky

Seemed Like A Good Idea At The Time

"Was drunk at an escape room with coworkers."

"It was an extreme one where you are handcuffed the entire time."

"I decided in my drunken state that it would be bada** to dislocated my thumb and slip off the cuffs like the movies."

"It wasn't."

"We got kicked out, my coworkers were weirded out and I had to go to the hospital."

"I quit a few weeks later."

"White collar wasn't for me."- Grotesque-penguin

The Bread Of Heaven

"Stole over 1,000 wafers from church because I really liked the communion wafers & didn’t know where else to get them."

"I felt really blessed & cursed for a long time."- hALLIEcinate

catholic the exorcist GIFGiphy

Retracing Steps...

"Once I got off the subway in NYC and I was super early for an appointment."

"So I picked a random guy and just followed him on foot for like 30 minutes, pretending I was like a private detective or something."

"Always kept about a half block behind."

"He turned this way and that, and eventually went into a building I had lived in 9 years earlier."

"It was weird, and so was I."- OKsurewhynotyep

Hygeine Be Damned...

"I found a dead rat in a field when i was younger and kissed it bc I wanted to say goodbye."- qeleia

exercise push up GIFGiphy

Bad Decisions Have A Way Of Getting Back To You...

"We got super drunk and ate a ton of spicy food in New Orleans."

"Back at the B&B, the food started to come out the back side."

"I was sitting on the toilet sh*tting bricks of fire."

"At that moment, the booze decided to hang a u-turn."

"The trash can was out of reach and I couldn't risk standing up from the toilet for even 5 seconds."

"The closest receptacle was the bathtub."

"I managed to turn in such a way that I could keep shi*ting in the toilet while projectile vomiting into the tub."

"Both ended up clogged, and there was no plunger."

"I had to call the owner to explain that I had destroyed both their toilet and their tub simultaneously."- HoopOnPoop

Things Best Left To Professionals...

"My partner is weirdly prone to cysts."

"I had to drain a 3 inch cyst on her back (thankfully she had a dr's appt the next week), then multiple other little cysts on her legs and chest."

"I never told her to her face but that first giant cyst literally haunted me, the amount of pus and blood I saw....good heavens."- SleepyBiologist

uruguay spot GIF by sargentoPezGiphy

At Least A Lesson Was Learned...

"When I was walking to school one morning, I saw a kid (7-8 yo?) kicking a dog."

"I ran over & kicked the kid and asked him how it felt."

"He ran off and no one saw."

"Still not sorry."- sneezyailurophile

All Creatures Deserve Love

"I was extremely socially isolated as a child and tried to make friends with the coyotes who lived in the woods by our home."

'I caught one in a snare and fed and kept her."

"I wanted a friend."- letthetreeburn

That's What Friends Are For...

"My wife and her best friend pick me up from a frat party black out drunk."

"Then they helped me take a sh*t on the toilet, wiped my a** and then gave me a shower and put me to bed naked."

"Don’t remember any of it."- nc3100

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Not The Right Kind Of Manure...

"One time I went outside at like 2AM and put the garden hose nozzle into my butthole and sprayed some water into it, then farted it out onto the lawn."

"Basically gave myself an enema with a garden hose."

"I did this because I was bored."

"My neighbour saw me and told my dad (lived at home at the time)."- WaspsInMyGoatse

A Little Fantasy Now And Then...

"When I was younger I joined an international dating site that I figured was a scam."

"Put a black square as my picture and gave myself a fake name, and then looked through their users."

"And after about 10 minutes I had like a 100 messages."

"Most of them were messages telling me how handsome I was or how these women fell in love with me at first site."

"Now I knew it was a scam but when ever I felt down or got rejected for a while I would pop back on the site and read a few messages."

'Yeah it’s kinda cringy and probably pathetic but it made me feel better."

"I would just turn off that logical part of my brain that knew it was a scam for awhile and just pretend I was this popular and desirable guy."

"And it honestly got me through the day sometimes."- Demonking3343

dating app GIFGiphy

If anyone says they've never done anything they're ashamed, or at the very least less-than-proud of, in all likelihood, they are lying.

Or, more likely, they understandably want to pretend that it never happened.

Which might be a little easier than harboring a secret.