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Workers Share The Best And Worst Excuses They've Used Or Heard When Calling Out Sick

Workers Share The Best And Worst Excuses They've Used Or Heard When Calling Out Sick

Workers Share The Best And Worst Excuses They've Used Or Heard When Calling Out Sick

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People will do just about anything to get a day off of work; a day extra to the weekend. Those days, the "hooky" days are way more fun. Who doesn't want to be Ferris Bueller every once and awhile? You feel powerful and naughty. But in order to make sure you get the day AND to ensure future employment you gotta have a gimmick.

Redditor SluggoBambino wanted the public to share... What's the best and worst excuse you have ever used/ heard used when calling in sick to work? Take a few notes for the future, just hope your boss isn't also reading this.

MEOW!!

I told them my cat was sick and had to take it to the vet. I knew my employer was a cat owner so they would empathize.

Plot twist: I don't own a cat.

INTO THE WOODS...

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Years ago my dad said this guy used to call into work all the time, and because this was the government there was not too much they could do. One day the guy called in and said _"I can't come into work, I am lost in the woods" _For reference this was about 20 years ago. Cell phone were not exactly prevalent.

CALL IT...

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I was late to work and said my car battery died and needed to be jumped. I work at a car dealership, so they tested my battery for free. It needed to be replaced. So I paid to replace it, because what was I gonna do? Say no?

I'm not sure if they called my bluff or not. They did show me the results from the test, so it's possible they didn't suspect a thing.

READY PLAYER ONE.

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This doesn't exactly match up but I think it's a good story so I'll share mine.

I'm a super avid Guild Wars player. Played Guild Wars (the very original) since pre-release, pre-ordered every expansion's collector's edition, everything I could. I'm a super fanboy. And Guild Wars 2 came out about 5 years ago - of course I've pre-ordered the collector's edition, played the preview weekends, but on this particular day it goes live......in the middle of a work week. I just figure I'll play what I can then head off to work.

I wake up that morning, play a couple hours, get ready to work. Open up the garage door to pull my car out..........and there's a trench excavated just past my driveway in the street as the city is installing new sewer lines. I literally can't get my car out of the house. I text a picture to my boss and explain I had no idea this was going to happen, and I get to play the game the whole rest of launch day!!!!

LIE SMART PEOPLE!

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Had an employee call in once day saying he was going to be late, not sure how late though. He was supposed to be in at 2PM, called around 1:00. Good on him, right, calling an hour early. Asked why, and he said he was in line at the DMV renewing his license. Ok, plan better and don't do that so soon before work you might say?

When he showed up around 4:30, I asked him to sign his write up for being late without an excuse. I know, what a d**k boss I must be right? He tried to protest and argue. I told him you can admit to being late unexcused, or be fired for lying when he called...

Because the DMV isn't open on Sundays.

ENOUGH SAID...

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"I have really bad diarrhea" rarely gets questioned.

T.M.I !!!

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A urinary track infection confusion.

I could almost feel the aura of confusion/restrained laughter/disappointment that surrounded my boss on the phone that morning.

REALLY PEOPLE? NOT CUTE.

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Our yard mans wife left a message on the answer phone at about 2:30 in the morning saying he wouldn't be in as he had AIDS, you could clearly hear him drunkenly rambling in the background and she wasn't much better. To be fair it made us laugh so much we let it slide.

CONDOMS CAN BE SUCH AS ISSUE.

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Already used up my PTO and sick days at a job I worked right after college. I was pretty much on the cusp of being fired. Also worked at a bar at nights. After a night of working at the bar I over slept my alarm by a few hours and freaked out. Went into work and my boss pulls me aside to give me the talk. He asked why I was late. I pulled him away from the ladies that worked with us and whispered "I had an allergic reaction... to a condom, and didn't know what to do." It's all I could come up with as I've used up all my other excuses. He looked at me sternly and said _"well I guess that was bad morning... and a good morning? Are you ok now?" _I explained that it seems to have gotten better and would be able to work. Kept my job that day. Quit a week later.

DRINK IN MODERATION.

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I didn't call in sick to work, but when I was young and dumb I went into work hungover, so hungover I literally thought I was going to die, I had mentioned to my manager (who I really got along with) that I thought I had the flu, an hour later I was still in so much pain and misery I s* my pants on purpose and went to my manager and told him that I had shit myself because of the flu and really had to go home, he let me go no problem and gave me a few paid sick days for coming into work in my current state, because it showed determination Lol.

STAY LIMBER...

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Just hang upside down from your bed and let your nose get stuffy. They'll be able to hear it in your voice that you have a bad cold.

THE TRUTH SHALL SET YOU FREE!!

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I had a fraternity brother in college who called in sick to his internship the NIGHT of his 21st Birthday. He left his boss a voice mail yelling "HEY [BOSS] I JUST TURNED 21 TODAY! and... I'm currently wasted. SOOO I won't be coming in tomorrow. Sorry. Bye."

And then he just hung up. It was glorious to watch.

OH LORD... SAVE THE DRAMA!!

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I have a co-worker who calls in sick a lot and each time is its own broadway production. He always makes it sound as though he's on deaths door. I changed his name to Chuck but what follows is pretty much a transcript of his last call in.

"Hello? It's me... Chuck." Raspy heavy breathing. "I... I... I'm going to... oh God..." Long moaning sound. "I don't... I think that... I'mnotmakingitintomorrow." Loud moaning followed by raspy heavy breathing. "I really, uh, wanted to work today but..." _continues in perfectly normal voice"I just can't. It's coming out of everywhere. I need the day off." Remembers he needs to be doing his sick voice. _"I.. oh God... I can't do this."Moaning. "Can I have the day off or... should I try to make it butyouandIbothknowI'mnotgoingtomakeit." Coughs once for emphasis.

"You're an adult, if you want to use one of your sick days that's up to you."

Perfectly normal voice."Thanks man!"

DON'T JUMP!!

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This is an excuse my dad supposedly once used:

Basically he and my mom had just gotten married a few months prior and they spontaneously decided to play hooky one Friday so they could go on a romantic midday excursion to a restaurant in Malibu. Basically they both just decided to lie about having migraines to their respective bosses to get the day off work. My mom's call went fine, but when my dad called in and his boss picked up, he got cold feet about the migraine excuse, thinking his boss wouldn't buy it and abruptly changed his excuse to this: _"hi boss, I'm really sorry, I can't come into work today... oh why, you ask... uh... I have to go to a funeral.... yeah its really sad.... oh whose funeral? oh... its my college buddy's... he went skydiving earlier this week.... his parachute didn't open." _My mom was supposedly stifling laughter on the other side of the room while the excuse was somewhat mindlessly spewing out of my dads mouth. His boss bought it though and supposedly gave him his sincere condolences when he came in the next monday.

STAY AWAY!

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In Canada, caught mono while single and it hit its worst on my 19th birthday (Drinking age). I worked a phone job and had to call in sick. Found out everyone thought I was just drunk, so I had a face mask from when I went to clinic and got mono confirmed. Decided to just go to office with face mask on, barely any voice and said "It's mono". They gave me all the time off I needed after that. Neck/lymph nodes were swollen as hell, I looked like death.

DON'T GET CRAZY!

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I said my heart was spasming (which it actually does sometimes) but in this instance it wasn't. My boss called and said I couldn't come back into work until I had my cardiologist write a note but when I called into the office the next available appointment was 2 months away. Thankfully my family doctor could go over my cardiologist's notes and wrote me one. So my whole day off that I planned to stay in bed for was spent trying to contact doctors since I couldn't afford NOT going back into work.

EWWW... JUST EWWW...

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Sorry Sarge, I have a bad case of anal glaucoma, and I just can't see my a** coming in today.

THE SKUNK IS STANK!

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I'm keeping _"I got sprayed by a skunk" _in my back pocket to break glass in case of emergency. The best part is that they circulate a company wide email saying where everyone is if they're out. They've wrote that people are in court before so I'm pretty sure that they'll just convey that I was sprayed by a skunk without a second thought. I'm not gonna lie, I can't wait to try it out. Fair play to anyone that wants to borrow this for their own use.

IT WORKED FOR THE WICKED WITCH OF THE WEST.

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"It's raining". She lived in a house that had some steps down to the sidewalk and didn't want to carry her baby down them when they were wet. Thanks, we enjoyed our understaffed day.

WELL BLESS YOUR HEART FOREST.

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We had a member of staff call in sick because of sore feet. He was high as hell on weed and standing opposite our shop when he called in .

BE AS VIVID AS POSSIBLE.

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"I'm bleeding like a stuck pig.", or "I have explosive diarrhea"

Nobody usually asks questions after that.

Worst was "I think I broke my ankle." That was at 3am, I was drunk. He was understandably peeved but gave me the day off. Next day I went to the hospital and I had indeed, broke my ankle. Brought in the note while wearing my aircast. I was so drunk I just didn't care and kept walking around on it. Fun times.

People Reveal The Weirdest Thing About Themselves

Reddit user Isitjustmedownhere asked: 'Give an example; how weird are you really?'

Let's get one thing straight: no one is normal. We're all weird in our own ways, and that is actually normal.

Of course, that doesn't mean we don't all have that one strange trait or quirk that outweighs all the other weirdness we possess.

For me, it's the fact that I'm almost 30 years old, and I still have an imaginary friend. Her name is Sarah, she has red hair and green eyes, and I strongly believe that, since I lived in India when I created her and there were no actual people with red hair around, she was based on Daphne Blake from Scooby-Doo.

I also didn't know the name Sarah when I created her, so that came later. I know she's not really there, hence the term 'imaginary friend,' but she's kind of always been around. We all have conversations in our heads; mine are with Sarah. She keeps me on task and efficient.

My mom thinks I'm crazy that I still have an imaginary friend, and writing about her like this makes me think I may actually be crazy, but I don't mind. As I said, we're all weird, and we all have that one trait that outweighs all the other weirdness.

Redditors know this all too well and are eager to share their weird traits.

It all started when Redditor Isitjustmedownhere asked:

"Give an example; how weird are you really?"

Monsters Under My Bed

"My bed doesn't touch any wall."

"Edit: I guess i should clarify im not rich."

– Practical_Eye_3600

"Gosh the monsters can get you from any angle then."

– bikergirlr7

"At first I thought this was a flex on how big your bedroom is, but then I realized you're just a psycho 😁"

– zenOFiniquity8

Can You See Why?

"I bought one of those super-powerful fans to dry a basement carpet. Afterwards, I realized that it can point straight up and that it would be amazing to use on myself post-shower. Now I squeegee my body with my hands, step out of the shower and get blasted by a wide jet of room-temp air. I barely use my towel at all. Wife thinks I'm weird."

– KingBooRadley

Remember

"In 1990 when I was 8 years old and bored on a field trip, I saw a black Oldsmobile Cutlass driving down the street on a hot day to where you could see that mirage like distortion from the heat on the road. I took a “snapshot” by blinking my eyes and told myself “I wonder how long I can remember this image” ….well."

– AquamarineCheetah

"Even before smartphones, I always take "snapshots" by blinking my eyes hoping I'll remember every detail so I can draw it when I get home. Unfortunately, I may have taken so much snapshots that I can no longer remember every detail I want to draw."

"Makes me think my "memory is full.""

– Reasonable-Pirate902

Same, Same

"I have eaten the same lunch every day for the past 4 years and I'm not bored yet."

– OhhGoood

"How f**king big was this lunch when you started?"

– notmyrealnam3

Not Sure Who Was Weirder

"Had a line cook that worked for us for 6 months never said much. My sous chef once told him with no context, "Baw wit da baw daw bang daw bang diggy diggy." The guy smiled, left, and never came back."

– Frostygrunt

Imagination

"I pace around my house for hours listening to music imagining that I have done all the things I simply lack the brain capacity to do, or in some really bizarre scenarios, I can really get immersed in these imaginations sometimes I don't know if this is some form of schizophrenia or what."

– RandomSharinganUser

"I do the same exact thing, sometimes for hours. When I was young it would be a ridiculous amount of time and many years later it’s sort of trickled off into almost nothing (almost). It’s weird but I just thought it’s how my brain processes sh*t."

– Kolkeia

If Only

"Even as an adult I still think that if you are in a car that goes over a cliff; and right as you are about to hit the ground if you jump up you can avoid the damage and will land safely. I know I'm wrong. You shut up. I'm not crying."

– ShotCompetition2593

Pet Food

"As a kid I would snack on my dog's Milkbones."

– drummerskillit

"Haha, I have a clear memory of myself doing this as well. I was around 3 y/o. Needless to say no one was supervising me."

– Isitjustmedownhere

"When I was younger, one of my responsibilities was to feed the pet fish every day. Instead, I would hide under the futon in the spare bedroom and eat the fish food."

– -GateKeep-

My Favorite Subject

"I'm autistic and have always had a thing for insects. My neurotypical best friend and I used to hang out at this local bar to talk to girls, back in the late 90s. One time he claimed that my tendency to circle conversations back to insects was hurting my game. The next time we went to that bar (with a few other friends), he turned and said sternly "No talking about bugs. Or space, or statistics or other bullsh*t but mainly no bugs." I felt like he was losing his mind over nothing."

"It was summer, the bar had its windows open. Our group hit it off with a group of young ladies, We were all chatting and having a good time. I was talking to one of these girls, my buddy was behind her facing away from me talking to a few other people."

"A cloudless sulphur flies in and lands on little thing that holds coasters."

"Cue Jordan Peele sweating gif."

"The girl notices my tension, and asks if I am looking at the leaf. "Actually, that's a lepidoptera called..." I looked at the back of my friend's head, he wasn't looking, "I mean a butterfly..." I poked it and it spread its wings the girl says "oh that's a BUG?!" and I still remember my friend turning around slowly to look at me with chastisement. The ONE thing he told me not to do."

"I was 21, and was completely not aware that I already had a rep for being an oddball. It got worse from there."

– Phormicidae

*Teeth Chatter*

"I bite ice cream sometimes."

RedditbOiiiiiiiiii

"That's how I am with popsicles. My wife shudders every single time."

monobarreller

Never Speak Of This

"I put ice in my milk."

– GTFOakaFOD

"You should keep that kind of thing to yourself. Even when asked."

– We-R-Doomed

"There's some disturbing sh*t in this thread, but this one takes the cake."

– RatonaMuffin

More Than Super Hearing

"I can hear the television while it's on mute."

– Tira13e

"What does it say to you, child?"

– Mama_Skip

Yikes!

"I put mustard on my omelettes."

– Deleted User

"Oh."

– NotCrustOr-filling

Evened Up

"Whenever I say a word and feel like I used a half of my mouth more than the other half, I have to even it out by saying the word again using the other half of my mouth more. If I don't do it correctly, that can go on forever until I feel it's ok."

"I do it silently so I don't creep people out."

– LesPaltaX

"That sounds like a symptom of OCD (I have it myself). Some people with OCD feel like certain actions have to be balanced (like counting or making sure physical movements are even). You should find a therapist who specializes in OCD, because they can help you."

– MoonlightKayla

I totally have the same need for things to be balanced! Guess I'm weird and a little OCD!

Close up face of a woman in bed, staring into the camera
Photo by Jen Theodore

Experiencing death is a fascinating and frightening idea.

Who doesn't want to know what is waiting for us on the other side?

But so many of us want to know and then come back and live a little longer.

It would be so great to be sure there is something else.

But the whole dying part is not that great, so we'll have to rely on other people's accounts.

Redditor AlaskaStiletto wanted to hear from everyone who has returned to life, so they asked:

"Redditors who have 'died' and come back to life, what did you see?"

Sensations

Happy Good Vibes GIF by Major League SoccerGiphy

"My dad's heart stopped when he had a heart attack and he had to be brought back to life. He kept the paper copy of the heart monitor which shows he flatlined. He said he felt an overwhelming sensation of peace, like nothing he had felt before."

PeachesnPain

Recovery

"I had surgical complications in 2010 that caused a great deal of blood loss. As a result, I had extremely low blood pressure and could barely stay awake. I remember feeling like I was surrounded by loved ones who had passed. They were in a circle around me and I knew they were there to guide me onwards. I told them I was not ready to go because my kids needed me and I came back."

"My nurse later said she was afraid she’d find me dead every time she came into the room."

"It took months, and blood transfusions, but I recovered."

good_golly99

Take Me Back

"Overwhelming peace and happiness. A bright airy and floating feeling. I live a very stressful life. Imagine finding out the person you have had a crush on reveals they have the same feelings for you and then you win the lotto later that day - that was the feeling I had."

"I never feared death afterward and am relieved when I hear of people dying after suffering from an illness."

rayrayrayray

Free

The Light Minnie GIF by (G)I-DLEGiphy

"I had a heart surgery with near-death experience, for me at least (well the possibility that those effects are caused by morphine is also there) I just saw black and nothing else but it was warm and I had such inner peace, its weird as I sometimes still think about it and wish this feeling of being so light and free again."

TooReDTooHigh

This is why I hate surgery.

You just never know.

Shocked

Giphy

"More of a near-death experience. I was electrocuted. I felt like I was in a deep hole looking straight up in the sky. My life flashed before me. Felt sad for my family, but I had a deep sense of peace."

Admirable_Buyer6528

The SOB

"Nursing in the ICU, we’ve had people try to die on us many times during the years, some successfully. One guy stood out to me. His heart stopped. We called a code, are working on him, and suddenly he comes to. We hadn’t vented him yet, so he was able to talk, and he started screaming, 'Don’t let them take me, don’t let them take me, they are coming,' he was scared and yelling."

"Then he yelled a little more, as we tried to calm him down, he screamed, 'No, No,' and gestured towards the end of the bed, and died again. We didn’t get him back. It was seriously creepy. We called his son to tell him the news, and the son said basically, 'Good, he was an SOB.'”

1-cupcake-at-a-time

Colors

"My sister died and said it was extremely peaceful. She said it was very loud like a train station and lots of talking and she was stuck in this area that was like a curtain with lots of beautiful colors (colors that you don’t see in real life according to her) a man told her 'He was sorry, but she had to go back as it wasn’t her time.'"

Hannah_LL7

"I had a really similar experience except I was in an endless garden with flowers that were colors I had never seen before. It was quiet and peaceful and a woman in a dress looked at me, shook her head, and just said 'Not yet.' As I was coming back, it was extremely loud, like everyone in the world was trying to talk all at once. It was all very disorienting but it changed my perspective on life!"

huntokarrr

The Fog

"I was in a gray fog with a girl who looked a lot like a young version of my grandmother (who was still alive) but dressed like a pioneer in the 1800s she didn't say anything but kept pulling me towards an opening in the wall. I kept refusing to go because I was so tired."

"I finally got tired of her nagging and went and that's when I came to. I had bled out during a c-section and my heart could not beat without blood. They had to deliver the baby and sew up the bleeders. refill me with blood before they could restart my heart so, like, at least 12 minutes gone."

Fluffy-Hotel-5184

Through the Walls

"My spouse was dead for a couple of minutes one miserable night. She maintains that she saw nothing, but only heard people talking about her like through a wall. The only thing she remembers for absolute certain was begging an ER nurse that she didn't want to die."

"She's quite alive and well today."

Hot-Refrigerator6583

Well let's all be happy to be alive.

It seems to be all we have.

Man's waist line
Santhosh Vaithiyanathan/Unsplash

Trying to lose weight is a struggle understood by many people regardless of size.

The goal of reaching a healthy weight may seem unattainable, but with diet and exercise, it can pay off through persistence and discipline.

Seeing the pounds gradually drop off can also be a great motivator and incentivize people to stay the course.

Those who've achieved their respective weight goals shared their experiences when Redditor apprenti8455 asked:

"People who lost a lot of weight, what surprises you the most now?"

Redditors didn't see these coming.

Shiver Me Timbers

"I’m always cold now!"

– Telrom_1

"I had a coworker lose over 130 pounds five or six years ago. I’ve never seen him without a jacket on since."

– r7ndom

"140 lbs lost here starting just before COVID, I feel like that little old lady that's always cold, damn this top comment was on point lmao."

– mr_remy

Drawing Concern

"I lost 100 pounds over a year and a half but since I’m old(70’s) it seems few people comment on it because (I think) they think I’m wasting away from some terminal illness."

– dee-fondy

"Congrats on the weight loss! It’s honestly a real accomplishment 🙂"

"Working in oncology, I can never comment on someone’s weight loss unless I specifically know it was on purpose, regardless of their age. I think it kind of ruffles feathers at times, but like I don’t want to congratulate someone for having cancer or something. It’s a weird place to be in."

– LizardofDeath

Unleashing Insults

"I remember when I lost the first big chunk of weight (around 50 lbs) it was like it gave some people license to talk sh*t about the 'old' me. Old coworkers, friends, made a lot of not just negative, but harsh comments about what I used to look like. One person I met after the big loss saw a picture of me prior and said, 'Wow, we wouldn’t even be friends!'”

"It wasn’t extremely common, but I was a little alarmed by some of the attention. My weight has been up and down since then, but every time I gain a little it gets me a little down thinking about those things people said."

– alanamablamaspama

Not Everything Goes After Losing Weight

"The loose skin is a bit unexpected."

– KeltarCentauri

"I haven’t experienced it myself, but surgery to remove skin takes a long time to recover. Longer than bariatric surgery and usually isn’t covered by insurance unless you have both."

– KatMagic1977

"It definitely does take a long time to recover. My Dad dropped a little over 200 pounds a few years back and decided to go through with skin removal surgery to deal with the excess. His procedure was extensive, as in he had skin taken from just about every part of his body excluding his head, and he went through hell for weeks in recovery, and he was bedridden for a lot of it."

– Jaew96

These Redditors shared their pleasantly surprising experiences.

Shopping

"I can buy clothes in any store I want."

– WaySavvyD

"When I lost weight I was dying to go find cute, smaller clothes and I really struggled. As someone who had always been restricted to one or two stores that catered to plus-sized clothing, a full mall of shops with items in my size was daunting. Too many options and not enough knowledge of brands that were good vs cheap. I usually went home pretty frustrated."

– ganache98012

No More Symptoms

"Lost about 80 pounds in the past year and a half, biggest thing that I’ve noticed that I haven’t seen mentioned on here yet is my acid reflux and heartburn are basically gone. I used to be popping tums every couple hours and now they just sit in the medicine cabinet collecting dust."

– colleennicole93

Expanding Capabilities

"I'm all for not judging people by their appearance and I recognise that there are unhealthy, unachievable beauty standards, but one thing that is undeniable is that I can just do stuff now. Just stamina and flexibility alone are worth it, appearance is tertiary at best."

– Ramblonius

People Change Their Tune

"How much nicer people are to you."

"My feet weren't 'wide' they were 'fat.'"

– LiZZygsu

"Have to agree. Lost 220 lbs, people make eye contact and hold open doors and stuff"

"And on the foot thing, I also lost a full shoe size numerically and also wear regular width now 😅"

– awholedamngarden

It's gonna take some getting used to.

Bones Everywhere

"Having bones. Collarbones, wrist bones, knee bones, hip bones, ribs. I have so many bones sticking out everywhere and it’s weird as hell."

– Princess-Pancake-97

"I noticed the shadow of my ribs the other day and it threw me, there’s a whole skeleton in here."

– bekastrange

Knee Pillow

"Right?! And they’re so … pointy! Now I get why people sleep with pillows between their legs - the knee bones laying on top of each other (side sleeper here) is weird and jarring."

– snic2030

"I lost only 40 pounds within the last year or so. I’m struggling to relate to most of these comments as I feel like I just 'slimmed down' rather than dropped a ton. But wow, the pillow between the knees at night. YES! I can relate to this. I think a lot of my weight was in my thighs. I never needed to do this up until recently."

– Strongbad23

More Mobility

"I’ve lost 100 lbs since 2020. It’s a collection of little things that surprise me. For at least 10 years I couldn’t put on socks, or tie my shoes. I couldn’t bend over and pick something up. I couldn’t climb a ladder to fix something. Simple things like that I can do now that fascinate me."

"Edit: Some additional little things are sitting in a chair with arms, sitting in a booth in a restaurant, being able to shop in a normal store AND not needing to buy the biggest size there, being able to easily wipe my butt, and looking down and being able to see my penis."

– dma1965

People making significant changes, whether for mental or physical health, can surely find a newfound perspective on life.

But they can also discover different issues they never saw coming.

That being said, overcoming any challenge in life is laudable, especially if it leads to gaining confidence and ditching insecurities.