Workers Share The Best And Worst Excuses They've Used Or Heard When Calling Out Sick

Workers Share The Best And Worst Excuses They've Used Or Heard When Calling Out Sick
[rebelmouse-image 18362153 is_animated_gif=People will do just about anything to get a day off of work; a day extra to the weekend. Those days, the "hooky" days are way more fun. Who doesn't want to be Ferris Bueller every once and awhile? You feel powerful and naughty. But in order to make sure you get the day AND to ensure future employment you gotta have a gimmick.
Redditor SluggoBambino wanted the public to share... What's the best and worst excuse you have ever used/ heard used when calling in sick to work? Take a few notes for the future, just hope your boss isn't also reading this.
MEOW!!
I told them my cat was sick and had to take it to the vet. I knew my employer was a cat owner so they would empathize.
Plot twist: I don't own a cat.
INTO THE WOODS...
[rebelmouse-image 18362154 is_animated_gif=Years ago my dad said this guy used to call into work all the time, and because this was the government there was not too much they could do. One day the guy called in and said _"I can't come into work, I am lost in the woods" _For reference this was about 20 years ago. Cell phone were not exactly prevalent.
CALL IT...
[rebelmouse-image 18362156 is_animated_gif=I was late to work and said my car battery died and needed to be jumped. I work at a car dealership, so they tested my battery for free. It needed to be replaced. So I paid to replace it, because what was I gonna do? Say no?
I'm not sure if they called my bluff or not. They did show me the results from the test, so it's possible they didn't suspect a thing.
READY PLAYER ONE.
[rebelmouse-image 18362157 is_animated_gif=This doesn't exactly match up but I think it's a good story so I'll share mine.
I'm a super avid Guild Wars player. Played Guild Wars (the very original) since pre-release, pre-ordered every expansion's collector's edition, everything I could. I'm a super fanboy. And Guild Wars 2 came out about 5 years ago - of course I've pre-ordered the collector's edition, played the preview weekends, but on this particular day it goes live......in the middle of a work week. I just figure I'll play what I can then head off to work.
I wake up that morning, play a couple hours, get ready to work. Open up the garage door to pull my car out..........and there's a trench excavated just past my driveway in the street as the city is installing new sewer lines. I literally can't get my car out of the house. I text a picture to my boss and explain I had no idea this was going to happen, and I get to play the game the whole rest of launch day!!!!
LIE SMART PEOPLE!
[rebelmouse-image 18362158 is_animated_gif=Had an employee call in once day saying he was going to be late, not sure how late though. He was supposed to be in at 2PM, called around 1:00. Good on him, right, calling an hour early. Asked why, and he said he was in line at the DMV renewing his license. Ok, plan better and don't do that so soon before work you might say?
When he showed up around 4:30, I asked him to sign his write up for being late without an excuse. I know, what a d**k boss I must be right? He tried to protest and argue. I told him you can admit to being late unexcused, or be fired for lying when he called...
Because the DMV isn't open on Sundays.
ENOUGH SAID...
[rebelmouse-image 18980266 is_animated_gif="I have really bad diarrhea" rarely gets questioned.
T.M.I !!!
[rebelmouse-image 18980267 is_animated_gif=A urinary track infection confusion.
I could almost feel the aura of confusion/restrained laughter/disappointment that surrounded my boss on the phone that morning.
REALLY PEOPLE? NOT CUTE.
[rebelmouse-image 18980270 is_animated_gif=Our yard mans wife left a message on the answer phone at about 2:30 in the morning saying he wouldn't be in as he had AIDS, you could clearly hear him drunkenly rambling in the background and she wasn't much better. To be fair it made us laugh so much we let it slide.
CONDOMS CAN BE SUCH AS ISSUE.
[rebelmouse-image 18356321 is_animated_gif=Already used up my PTO and sick days at a job I worked right after college. I was pretty much on the cusp of being fired. Also worked at a bar at nights. After a night of working at the bar I over slept my alarm by a few hours and freaked out. Went into work and my boss pulls me aside to give me the talk. He asked why I was late. I pulled him away from the ladies that worked with us and whispered "I had an allergic reaction... to a condom, and didn't know what to do." It's all I could come up with as I've used up all my other excuses. He looked at me sternly and said _"well I guess that was bad morning... and a good morning? Are you ok now?" _I explained that it seems to have gotten better and would be able to work. Kept my job that day. Quit a week later.
DRINK IN MODERATION.
[rebelmouse-image 18350838 is_animated_gif=I didn't call in sick to work, but when I was young and dumb I went into work hungover, so hungover I literally thought I was going to die, I had mentioned to my manager (who I really got along with) that I thought I had the flu, an hour later I was still in so much pain and misery I s* my pants on purpose and went to my manager and told him that I had shit myself because of the flu and really had to go home, he let me go no problem and gave me a few paid sick days for coming into work in my current state, because it showed determination Lol.
STAY LIMBER...
[rebelmouse-image 18980272 is_animated_gif=Just hang upside down from your bed and let your nose get stuffy. They'll be able to hear it in your voice that you have a bad cold.
THE TRUTH SHALL SET YOU FREE!!
[rebelmouse-image 18980274 is_animated_gif=I had a fraternity brother in college who called in sick to his internship the NIGHT of his 21st Birthday. He left his boss a voice mail yelling "HEY [BOSS] I JUST TURNED 21 TODAY! and... I'm currently wasted. SOOO I won't be coming in tomorrow. Sorry. Bye."
And then he just hung up. It was glorious to watch.
OH LORD... SAVE THE DRAMA!!
[rebelmouse-image 18980275 is_animated_gif=I have a co-worker who calls in sick a lot and each time is its own broadway production. He always makes it sound as though he's on deaths door. I changed his name to Chuck but what follows is pretty much a transcript of his last call in.
"Hello? It's me... Chuck." Raspy heavy breathing. "I... I... I'm going to... oh God..." Long moaning sound. "I don't... I think that... I'mnotmakingitintomorrow." Loud moaning followed by raspy heavy breathing. "I really, uh, wanted to work today but..." _continues in perfectly normal voice"I just can't. It's coming out of everywhere. I need the day off." Remembers he needs to be doing his sick voice. _"I.. oh God... I can't do this."Moaning. "Can I have the day off or... should I try to make it butyouandIbothknowI'mnotgoingtomakeit." Coughs once for emphasis.
"You're an adult, if you want to use one of your sick days that's up to you."
Perfectly normal voice."Thanks man!"
DON'T JUMP!!
[rebelmouse-image 18980276 is_animated_gif=This is an excuse my dad supposedly once used:
Basically he and my mom had just gotten married a few months prior and they spontaneously decided to play hooky one Friday so they could go on a romantic midday excursion to a restaurant in Malibu. Basically they both just decided to lie about having migraines to their respective bosses to get the day off work. My mom's call went fine, but when my dad called in and his boss picked up, he got cold feet about the migraine excuse, thinking his boss wouldn't buy it and abruptly changed his excuse to this: _"hi boss, I'm really sorry, I can't come into work today... oh why, you ask... uh... I have to go to a funeral.... yeah its really sad.... oh whose funeral? oh... its my college buddy's... he went skydiving earlier this week.... his parachute didn't open." _My mom was supposedly stifling laughter on the other side of the room while the excuse was somewhat mindlessly spewing out of my dads mouth. His boss bought it though and supposedly gave him his sincere condolences when he came in the next monday.
STAY AWAY!
[rebelmouse-image 18978632 is_animated_gif=In Canada, caught mono while single and it hit its worst on my 19th birthday (Drinking age). I worked a phone job and had to call in sick. Found out everyone thought I was just drunk, so I had a face mask from when I went to clinic and got mono confirmed. Decided to just go to office with face mask on, barely any voice and said "It's mono". They gave me all the time off I needed after that. Neck/lymph nodes were swollen as hell, I looked like death.
DON'T GET CRAZY!
[rebelmouse-image 18980277 is_animated_gif=I said my heart was spasming (which it actually does sometimes) but in this instance it wasn't. My boss called and said I couldn't come back into work until I had my cardiologist write a note but when I called into the office the next available appointment was 2 months away. Thankfully my family doctor could go over my cardiologist's notes and wrote me one. So my whole day off that I planned to stay in bed for was spent trying to contact doctors since I couldn't afford NOT going back into work.
EWWW... JUST EWWW...
[rebelmouse-image 18356803 is_animated_gif=Sorry Sarge, I have a bad case of anal glaucoma, and I just can't see my a** coming in today.
THE SKUNK IS STANK!
[rebelmouse-image 18351356 is_animated_gif=I'm keeping _"I got sprayed by a skunk" _in my back pocket to break glass in case of emergency. The best part is that they circulate a company wide email saying where everyone is if they're out. They've wrote that people are in court before so I'm pretty sure that they'll just convey that I was sprayed by a skunk without a second thought. I'm not gonna lie, I can't wait to try it out. Fair play to anyone that wants to borrow this for their own use.
IT WORKED FOR THE WICKED WITCH OF THE WEST.
[rebelmouse-image 18978580 is_animated_gif="It's raining". She lived in a house that had some steps down to the sidewalk and didn't want to carry her baby down them when they were wet. Thanks, we enjoyed our understaffed day.
WELL BLESS YOUR HEART FOREST.
[rebelmouse-image 18980279 is_animated_gif=We had a member of staff call in sick because of sore feet. He was high as hell on weed and standing opposite our shop when he called in .
BE AS VIVID AS POSSIBLE.
[rebelmouse-image 18980281 is_animated_gif="I'm bleeding like a stuck pig.", or "I have explosive diarrhea"
Nobody usually asks questions after that.
Worst was "I think I broke my ankle." That was at 3am, I was drunk. He was understandably peeved but gave me the day off. Next day I went to the hospital and I had indeed, broke my ankle. Brought in the note while wearing my aircast. I was so drunk I just didn't care and kept walking around on it. Fun times.
Are we being lazy or is it self-care?
That is what you should ask yourself first, before you judge.
Life is an arduous journey and a constant energy suck.
It was inevitable we'd find shortcuts to get by.
It's all about survival.
Redditor Batman_In_Peacetime wanted to hear about the times we just didn't care enough to try harder. They asked:
"What is a lazy thing you began doing when you realised you can live with it?"
I'm best when I'm at my laziest. Ok, that's a lie, but I don't care.
Zzzz...
"On weekends I sleep for 12-14 hours. I usually wake up a few times but I dream so much during those long sleeps that it’s basically become a recreation type thing and I love it."
HouseOfZenith
Warm it up...
"When I use the microwave, I’ll heat food for 1:11 or 2:22 because I can’t be bothered to move my lazy fingers."
fysicks
"I figured out that my microwave's turntable rotates once every 12 seconds. So, everything I cook is on a multiple of 12 seconds so that it always ends up at the front of the microwave when it's done cooking, and I don't have to reach all the way to the back of the microwave to get my food out."
unittwentyfive
Bang
"When I was a kid on a school day, I had this routine where I'd stick my legs out of the bed and bang around on the floor so it sounded like I got out of bed and then just lie there for a few more minutes."
bewarethechameleon
"Did you also get your toothbrush wet and squirt a wee bit of toothpaste in your mouth rather than actually brush your teeth? If so I may be your mom and you weren’t fooling me or the dentist and you sure weren’t fooling the plaque that attacked."
TigerLily98226
Pockets
"Whenever I clean the house I put on my housecoat with really big pockets. I just walk from room to room and put things in my pocket that don’t belong in that room. Once my pockets are full I go to each room and empty my pockets putting what is from each room in that room."
kindhearttbc
"That's not lazy... that's productive AF."
throwaway92715
Toss It
"I don’t fold the fitted sheet. Just ball it up and place it in the closet."
SpaghettiSquash33
I just see people human. Don't he so hard on yourselves.
12 Hours
"I once watched 12 hours of the golf Network because the batteries were dead in my remote control. I don't know if that's lazy or depressed."
sadbirdfox
I swear I was...
"I was taught to make a bed properly as a child, I swear I was. Hospital corners and everything. I even know how to fold a fitted sheet, thanks to my auntie, who's an Air Force nurse and therefore doesn't consider little problems like 'non-Euclidean geometry' to be a reason not to do it properly. The second I found out about duvet covers, that was over. Sure, it doesn't look as tidy, but five minutes a week plus 10 seconds in the morning instead of 10 minutes a day? I can live with that."
katie-kaboom
The System
"I don't fold laundry anymore. I have a system of laundry baskets like this where clothes gets sorted by type (pants, t-shirts, sweaters, etc). Most of my clothes is wrinkle free, and for the few pieces that aren't I just throw them on a hanger in the bathroom while I take a steamy shower."
User deleted
Genius!!
"Before I get out of bed in the morning, I will grab the top corners of my sheets with my hands and prop up the bottom two with my feet and move it into place. Then I slide out of bed without ruffling anything. Just like that, my bed is made."
Markymark142
"My sister has to do this before she goes to bed at night, even is she made the bed that morning. It's an odd little quirk and mostly harmless."
mel2mdl
Yummy
"Just eating food straight out of the pan."
refrshmts_N_narcotcs
None of that sounds so bad. That sounds... like my life. Don't judge!!
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Be it on a blind date, at a party where you don't know anyone, or sitting next to someone on an airplane, starting a conversation with a total stranger is difficult.
As much as we'd all like to be friendly, far too often we find ourselves at a loss for words.
It doesn't help that we generally have no idea of what these people's various interests are, making it anyone's guess how they'll respond.
But some have this problem solved, finding a go-to topic which is always guaranteed to get a response, no matter who you're talking to.
Redditor Blugged_Bunny was curious to hear what people thought was the best way to begin a conversation with strangers, leading them to ask:
"What is your go-to 'small talk' topic with strangers?"
Did you check the forecast?
"We sure are having a lot of weather"- r_Ju_Tacular.
"As a British person, the conversation usually starts like this:"
“'You alright?'"
”Yeah you?”'
“'Yeah not too bad, weathers a bit sh*t innit?'”
“'Yeah”'.
"The end."- chelstippins
Why beat around the bush?
"Straight to politics and religion."- Turd_Ferguson009.
Just let it happen.
"Make an observation."
"Literally anything."It helps if it’s something about them like an article of clothing that catches your eye, something they’re doing, anything that you can relate to or are interested in but it doesn’t have to be."
"It can be something in the environment that is drawing both of your attention."
"People bullsh*t about the weather all the time."
"Make a comment about it, gauge their willingness to talk about it to you and build off of what you get from the response."
"If all you get is 'haha yeah', leave it."
"No shame in silence."
"Some people just don’t want to talk."
I"f you’re talking about the weather, 'Man it’s a great day out today!'"
“'Yeah absolutely! I drove here with my windows down all the way here!'”
"Boom, you’ve got something to latch onto."
"They probably enjoy getting outside for some fresh air. "
"They probably enjoy driving."
"Ask about their car."
"Ask if they go on drives a lot."
"Ask if they do outdoor stuff."
"What kind of outdoor stuff?"
"Once you’ve got something to work with, the key is to ask."
"Let them do the talking."
"People love talking about themselves."
"You learn some light hearted things about the stranger, they feel more comfortable, and you can add bits and bobs of your own experiences in response so they get to know you too."
"It works in literally any situation."
"From an elevator ride to a first date."
"It’s so easy to personalize small talk and it makes it so much less uncomfortable."- 1arrocknroll.
"But enough about me, what do you think about me?"
"Usually people love to talk about themselves, so a few questions about them and some follow up questions to their answers usually does it."- I_can_see_the_music.
"Food, glorious food..."
"Food."
"People typically love food."
"I mention I’m new/newer to an area."
"And ask them what they like, where they eat out."
"Usually works and people have their choices validated and I always know where to find good local snacks."- TheProfWife.
Can you believe it?
"Did you see that ludicrous display last night?"- housemuncher.
Nothing!
"As a Norwegian - we leave strangers alone."
"No need to bother them."- neihuffda.
The sky's the limit.
"So, do you like stuff?"- Bwon669.
All of these seem like surefire ways to get a conversation started.
But use cautiously, as who knows how long it will take these conversations to end.
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Quality comes with price. That's a fact you can't escape. If you hire someone to fix your home, and want them to do the best job, you're going to have to pay above average prices. That's fine. Pay the people what they're worth for the great job they did. However, we live in a world where everyone is looking for their payout, even if what they've given you is less than ideal.
Don't overpay for any of these.
Reddit user, DrLizardLover, wanted to know what we're paying too much for when they asked:
"What is just stupidly overpriced?"
If you didn't know any better, you would think making office and school supplies was a lot like mining for diamonds in the center of the Earth.
Though, we also know diamonds are a rip-off so maybe that's not the argument we should be making.
Another Collegiate Payment
"College books"
Spooly_Boy
"Especially when they say you have to buy the newest copy every year"
disantiyesnt
Good Thing We're Going Paperless
"Printer cartridges."
DataPlenty
"Apparently it's because in order to make printers affordable to everyone, you must lower their prices. The cartridges are the upsell and is where the profit comes from."
AltaSavoia
We Carry Them Around On Our Phones
"TI-84"
"I could get an old cell phone from a dumpster that’s 10x as powerful. Why the f-ck they still charging $80 or more for these things?"
edgeblackbelt
If living in 2022 has taught us anything, it's that convenience has a price.
And it's high.
$50 For Twizzlers
"Foods and drinks at movie theaters or sporting events"
Icy-Company7718
"I can answer for the theaters. They don't actually get much, if any, of the ticket sales. A lot of their operating budget comes from the snack bar."
Head_Razzmatazz7174
Fees On Hidden Fees For Hidden Fees
"Concert tickets"
"(AKA Ticketmaster)"
Catilily_3141
"I thought I was on the school box office site when I was on one made to look like it. I bought two reasonably priced ncaa basketball tickets and when I went to check out it went up to $70 with fees. Found the school website and checked out for $26 total."
blackcatmystery
Costs A Lot To Be A Woman
"One bra is like…40 dollars"
Noliel_Laicaster
"except i have big honkers so i'm forced to pay upwards of $80 for a bra because the only place I can get them in my size is Lane Bryant or Torrid"
kelsiewest11
"Just women's clothes in general. If I'm paying $40 for a pair of dress slacks, they damn well better have pockets. I have to have black slacks for my delivery job and ended up buying 3 pair of men's pants for $20 each, just to have the pockets."
Head_Razzmatazz7174
What can hurt the most is the idea companies and people will charge you for things you need to have. It's almost as if they know you're willing to pay the price...
Awful.
History Has Funny Way Of Changing Perspectives
"Lobster. Was literally considered food for the peasants at one point in history. They used lobsters as bait on ships"
magoted
The Most Expensive Day Of Your Life
"Anything tied to a wedding"
nickp123456
"Friend of mine needed a generator for a wedding. He booked it as a "corporate event" to get cheaper hire."
"When the company arrived to setup and saw it was a wedding they demanded extra money, because it was a wedding. Same location, same generator, same rental period."
salmonlikethephish
Sipping The Last Bits Of Money Out Of The Dead
"Funerals"
Longjumping-Oil4497
"I definitely think that add-ons for funerals are sold like biggie sizing your happy meal. And the concept of memorializing a person for eternity has been sold as bare necessity. But I do know that the pomp and circumstance a lot of people need to lay somebody to rest, costs money."
"I want to see people honored in their death, but spending $5,000 on a pine box does not make sense to me"
444unsure
People Need Help? Charge Them.
"Mental health services. Blessings upon blessings to the mental health professionals who offer sliding scales."
AphelionEntity
America Gonna 'Murica
"Getting an IUD put in or taken out without insurance costs 1300. Takes 5 minutes to put in and it’s a piece of plastic."
m_hahn_solo
"Wow thats so much. I'm in Canada so having it inserted, removed, and follow up appointments are free. But I had to pay for the IUD. The first time I used the insurance from college so only paid $30. The second time I graduated and didn't have insurance so I went to planned parenthood where its cheaper and paid 230. The third time I had insurance from work and it was free. Honestly all birth control should be free."
Forever-25
Keep an eye on your wallet, since you know most of the world is keeping theirs firmly on it.
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Not everyone is going to believe what you believe. Our own experiences and values add up to make us who we are. Without them, we'd all be the same amorphous blob of consciousness covering the planet in bland beliefs. You hold something in high regard, and that might mean someone else disagrees with you.
Hold your ground, and be ready to die on that hill, kind of like these people.
Reddit user, realduckbutter, wanted to know what you will never let go of when they asked:
"What’s the smallest hill you’re willing to die on?"
What is it about this hill that makes it worthwhile to fight over? Is it something ingrained in your core or something that you can never let go?
This Is Good, Great, And Dandy
"Oxford commas are GOOD and should be EMPLOYED LIBERALLY."
CopsaLau
"I agree with this, I agree with this, and I agree with this."
ajt9104_
Squats All Day
"Nice butts are better than big butts."
Crockpot_gator_Snot
"Shape > Size"
"on that note, 99.9% of of people don’t give a damn about color imperfections or stretch marks. It’s completely irrelevant. The shape is what makes a nice butt."
"Edit: I admit that my statistic it totally made up. I made to say that MOST people don’t care."
bouchandre
Doesn't Hold Up
"KFC gravy isn't as good as it used to be."
AshySlashy902
"KFC isn't as good as it used to be. The biscuits are so hit or miss now."
SuperstitiousPigeon5
Me Am No Good With Words And Things
"It's "I couldn't care less," not "I could care less." If you could care less, you care a little!"
thedoginapound
"That’s what I’m saying!!! People make no sense sometimes"
Rebelsinblacktattoo
The workplace is somewhere you (possibly) go to every day. If there's something about it you like or don't like, don't let it go.
Proper Bathroom Ambience
"Bathrooms at the work place should all be required to play music to help drown out the sounds being made"
zerorush8
"THANK YOU. I’ve thought this for years. Just some simple elevator music. Anything."
"I’d rather hear 10 hours of Yiruma’s River Flows In You than 10 seconds of whatever is flowing out of the poor guy next to me."
jaylward
Better Be Some Money That Comes With That Title
"Don’t give me a “promotion” unless it comes with a pay raise. The only reason I would want a promotion is because I get paid more, not so I can flex my title on ppl"
traws06
"Flex that title into a raise somewhere else"
meanie_ants
So Grateful
"All companies regardless of what industry they're in do their best work and are the most consumer friendly when they're in second or third place in their industry. The 'leader' is almost never the best option."
Nayko214
"The best service and the most exciting food is at two star Michelin restaurants because they’re playing offense not defense."
gastro_gnome
"Cashiers should be allowed to sit down during their shifts, ex. Aldi. There should be no reason why they need to keep standing in place for an entire shift"
kdotismydad
"This is so f-cking American. I've never in my European life seen a cashier standing up."
PercussiveRussel
Whatever it is about these hills we're all supposedly dying, you cannot deny the fact it's super fascinating to see bodies dropping on them.
Do Any Of Us Know What We're Eating?
"When people say “it has chemicals in it”. Your mom is chemicals. Everything is chemicals."
nosmase2
"The whole "don't put it in your body if you can't pronounce it" nonsense is infuriating. An apple has things in it most people couldn't pronounce if you wrote out the chemical composition. And does my having taken organic chem and biochem classes mean I can eat things others can't?"
"Don't even get me started on the anti-GMO crap."
dude_logman
Diamond Eyeglasses? Diamond Cups? Why Stop There?
"Lab grown diamonds are real diamonds. Chemically. It’s purely marketing that makes you pay more for mined diamonds."
ScoobyTrue
"I believe you may be wrong. They are purer than mined diamonds."
"I'm looking forward to windshields made out of diamond."
ScottColvin
*tap, *tap, *tap
"Mobile gaming is better when it's simple games like Angry Birds or Fruit Ninja"
ofsquire
"Yeah I thought I wanted big impressive games on my phone but then I realized there’s no point. I’m never going to play on my phone over a console"
realduckbutter
Holding Up The Line With Your Niceness
"Pay-it-forward drive-through chains are pointless. They aren’t really helping anyone, they’re just making everything awkward."
lassie86
"Im a starbucks barista and like its a nice thing dont get me wrong, but the way our systems work things get confusing and orders or items get lost so people end up getting free but wrong orders :( it also puts the customer on the spot to make a decision to continue or not and i hate that it's so awkward. I always just say hey your order has been paid for have a great day!"
imasokas2percentmilk
It Hurts So Good
"If Q-Tips were not meant to go deep in your ear canal, then God would not have put the g-spot in there"
Virtual-Stranger
Meet lots of people, develop a set of values, then enact those values upon yourself as you engage with the world. Be the person you want to be.
Tell us how you won't let anything go in the comments below.
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