Workers Share The Best And Worst Excuses They've Used Or Heard When Calling Out Sick
People will do just about anything to get a day off of work; a day extra to the weekend. Those days, the "hooky" days are way more fun. Who doesn't want to be Ferris Bueller every once and awhile? You feel powerful and naughty. But in order to make sure you get the day AND to ensure future employment you gotta have a gimmick.
Redditor SluggoBambino wanted the public to share... What's the best and worst excuse you have ever used/ heard used when calling in sick to work? Take a few notes for the future, just hope your boss isn't also reading this.
I told them my cat was sick and had to take it to the vet. I knew my employer was a cat owner so they would empathize.
Plot twist: I don't own a cat.
INTO THE WOODS...
Years ago my dad said this guy used to call into work all the time, and because this was the government there was not too much they could do. One day the guy called in and said _"I can't come into work, I am lost in the woods" _For reference this was about 20 years ago. Cell phone were not exactly prevalent.
I was late to work and said my car battery died and needed to be jumped. I work at a car dealership, so they tested my battery for free. It needed to be replaced. So I paid to replace it, because what was I gonna do? Say no?
I'm not sure if they called my bluff or not. They did show me the results from the test, so it's possible they didn't suspect a thing.
READY PLAYER ONE.
This doesn't exactly match up but I think it's a good story so I'll share mine.
I'm a super avid Guild Wars player. Played Guild Wars (the very original) since pre-release, pre-ordered every expansion's collector's edition, everything I could. I'm a super fanboy. And Guild Wars 2 came out about 5 years ago - of course I've pre-ordered the collector's edition, played the preview weekends, but on this particular day it goes live......in the middle of a work week. I just figure I'll play what I can then head off to work.
I wake up that morning, play a couple hours, get ready to work. Open up the garage door to pull my car out..........and there's a trench excavated just past my driveway in the street as the city is installing new sewer lines. I literally can't get my car out of the house. I text a picture to my boss and explain I had no idea this was going to happen, and I get to play the game the whole rest of launch day!!!!
LIE SMART PEOPLE!
Had an employee call in once day saying he was going to be late, not sure how late though. He was supposed to be in at 2PM, called around 1:00. Good on him, right, calling an hour early. Asked why, and he said he was in line at the DMV renewing his license. Ok, plan better and don't do that so soon before work you might say?
When he showed up around 4:30, I asked him to sign his write up for being late without an excuse. I know, what a d**k boss I must be right? He tried to protest and argue. I told him you can admit to being late unexcused, or be fired for lying when he called...
Because the DMV isn't open on Sundays.
"I have really bad diarrhea" rarely gets questioned.
A urinary track infection confusion.
I could almost feel the aura of confusion/restrained laughter/disappointment that surrounded my boss on the phone that morning.
REALLY PEOPLE? NOT CUTE.
Our yard mans wife left a message on the answer phone at about 2:30 in the morning saying he wouldn't be in as he had AIDS, you could clearly hear him drunkenly rambling in the background and she wasn't much better. To be fair it made us laugh so much we let it slide.
CONDOMS CAN BE SUCH AS ISSUE.
Already used up my PTO and sick days at a job I worked right after college. I was pretty much on the cusp of being fired. Also worked at a bar at nights. After a night of working at the bar I over slept my alarm by a few hours and freaked out. Went into work and my boss pulls me aside to give me the talk. He asked why I was late. I pulled him away from the ladies that worked with us and whispered "I had an allergic reaction... to a condom, and didn't know what to do." It's all I could come up with as I've used up all my other excuses. He looked at me sternly and said _"well I guess that was bad morning... and a good morning? Are you ok now?" _I explained that it seems to have gotten better and would be able to work. Kept my job that day. Quit a week later.
DRINK IN MODERATION.
I didn't call in sick to work, but when I was young and dumb I went into work hungover, so hungover I literally thought I was going to die, I had mentioned to my manager (who I really got along with) that I thought I had the flu, an hour later I was still in so much pain and misery I s* my pants on purpose and went to my manager and told him that I had shit myself because of the flu and really had to go home, he let me go no problem and gave me a few paid sick days for coming into work in my current state, because it showed determination Lol.
Just hang upside down from your bed and let your nose get stuffy. They'll be able to hear it in your voice that you have a bad cold.
THE TRUTH SHALL SET YOU FREE!!
I had a fraternity brother in college who called in sick to his internship the NIGHT of his 21st Birthday. He left his boss a voice mail yelling "HEY [BOSS] I JUST TURNED 21 TODAY! and... I'm currently wasted. SOOO I won't be coming in tomorrow. Sorry. Bye."
And then he just hung up. It was glorious to watch.
OH LORD... SAVE THE DRAMA!!
I have a co-worker who calls in sick a lot and each time is its own broadway production. He always makes it sound as though he's on deaths door. I changed his name to Chuck but what follows is pretty much a transcript of his last call in.
"Hello? It's me... Chuck." Raspy heavy breathing. "I... I... I'm going to... oh God..." Long moaning sound. "I don't... I think that... I'mnotmakingitintomorrow." Loud moaning followed by raspy heavy breathing. "I really, uh, wanted to work today but..." _continues in perfectly normal voice"I just can't. It's coming out of everywhere. I need the day off." Remembers he needs to be doing his sick voice. _"I.. oh God... I can't do this."Moaning. "Can I have the day off or... should I try to make it butyouandIbothknowI'mnotgoingtomakeit." Coughs once for emphasis.
"You're an adult, if you want to use one of your sick days that's up to you."
Perfectly normal voice."Thanks man!"
This is an excuse my dad supposedly once used:
Basically he and my mom had just gotten married a few months prior and they spontaneously decided to play hooky one Friday so they could go on a romantic midday excursion to a restaurant in Malibu. Basically they both just decided to lie about having migraines to their respective bosses to get the day off work. My mom's call went fine, but when my dad called in and his boss picked up, he got cold feet about the migraine excuse, thinking his boss wouldn't buy it and abruptly changed his excuse to this: _"hi boss, I'm really sorry, I can't come into work today... oh why, you ask... uh... I have to go to a funeral.... yeah its really sad.... oh whose funeral? oh... its my college buddy's... he went skydiving earlier this week.... his parachute didn't open." _My mom was supposedly stifling laughter on the other side of the room while the excuse was somewhat mindlessly spewing out of my dads mouth. His boss bought it though and supposedly gave him his sincere condolences when he came in the next monday.
In Canada, caught mono while single and it hit its worst on my 19th birthday (Drinking age). I worked a phone job and had to call in sick. Found out everyone thought I was just drunk, so I had a face mask from when I went to clinic and got mono confirmed. Decided to just go to office with face mask on, barely any voice and said "It's mono". They gave me all the time off I needed after that. Neck/lymph nodes were swollen as hell, I looked like death.
DON'T GET CRAZY!
I said my heart was spasming (which it actually does sometimes) but in this instance it wasn't. My boss called and said I couldn't come back into work until I had my cardiologist write a note but when I called into the office the next available appointment was 2 months away. Thankfully my family doctor could go over my cardiologist's notes and wrote me one. So my whole day off that I planned to stay in bed for was spent trying to contact doctors since I couldn't afford NOT going back into work.
EWWW... JUST EWWW...
Sorry Sarge, I have a bad case of anal glaucoma, and I just can't see my a** coming in today.
THE SKUNK IS STANK!
I'm keeping _"I got sprayed by a skunk" _in my back pocket to break glass in case of emergency. The best part is that they circulate a company wide email saying where everyone is if they're out. They've wrote that people are in court before so I'm pretty sure that they'll just convey that I was sprayed by a skunk without a second thought. I'm not gonna lie, I can't wait to try it out. Fair play to anyone that wants to borrow this for their own use.
IT WORKED FOR THE WICKED WITCH OF THE WEST.
"It's raining". She lived in a house that had some steps down to the sidewalk and didn't want to carry her baby down them when they were wet. Thanks, we enjoyed our understaffed day.
WELL BLESS YOUR HEART FOREST.
We had a member of staff call in sick because of sore feet. He was high as hell on weed and standing opposite our shop when he called in .
BE AS VIVID AS POSSIBLE.
"I'm bleeding like a stuck pig.", or "I have explosive diarrhea"
Nobody usually asks questions after that.
Worst was "I think I broke my ankle." That was at 3am, I was drunk. He was understandably peeved but gave me the day off. Next day I went to the hospital and I had indeed, broke my ankle. Brought in the note while wearing my aircast. I was so drunk I just didn't care and kept walking around on it. Fun times.