Working with dogs is a field like few others. Though a job at a veterinary clinic, animal shelter, or training class may have its moments of tragedy and frustration, the unique hilarity that dogs bring is a real treat.
Simply put, there are a whole lot of dogs out there that are just plain stupid. And its hilarious.
Dogs have bizarre fears of inanimate objects. Some dogs have ridiculous faces that turn the most monotonous task into a cartoonish outin
Whatever form the ridiculousness takes, we all love to witness it. And, as a Reddit thread showed, to talk all about it.
Quite the Bone
"A client of mine has a Doberman girl that once got stuck in a doorway because she was carrying a long bone and couldn't figure out on her own how to proceed."
"Ever since that incident, this dog won't walk through any door no matter how wide as long as she's got anything in her muzzle, be it a bone or a tiny little cracker."
"She is sweet, but really dull."
Unobservant and Phobic
"I work with dogs professionally but the dumbest one I ever met was one of mine. He was a very large Great Dane who somehow developed a fear of hardwood floors."
"The worst part is he would walk through a hallway or room without realizing it was hardwood, and then as soon as he realized it he would sit himself down and refuse to move anywhere."
"I miss the idiot"
Give Them an Inch...
"I volunteered for an organisation training guide dogs for blind people. One of the dogs graduated training and was assigned to a blind young lady. It costs €40,000 to get the dog trained to this point. Dog successfully guides her to work every day safely with no problems."
"Then it's pissing rain one day so her dad asks her to collect her and the dog and drop them to the office. The next day the dog just refuses to work and literally never worked a day again for her."
"I think it just didn't see the point when she could get in the car if she wanted!! "
Bruce the Golden Sniffer
"Bruce. A big old bloodhound who, on multiple occasions, would stick his nose right under other dogs while they peed." -- DavidWestSideStory
"My dog is so submissive that he let a bigger, meaner dog pee all over him while he grinned. If he could talk he would've said, 'Look mom! I made a friend!'" -- NeedsMoreTuba
Trouble With the Back Half
"My boyfriend walks a large Dalmatian who is the most uncoordinated dog I've ever seen. He just can't jump. Has no sense of what his back legs are doing."
"When my boyfriend comes to pick him up he tries to get into the van by jumping normally with his front legs but fails to follow through with the back, so just stands excitedly leaning on the floor of the van, doing frantic tippy-taps with his back feet on the ground outside."
"And he's a big dog, he could step right in without even jumping."
"No amount of showing him by actually moving his limbs has made it click for him, so he does his partial jump then one of us hoists his butt end in too."
Howling at Herself
"Used to volunteer at a Human Society and I remember this one dog who was terrified of shadows."
"The kicker? This was an akita/husky mix so every time she saw a shadow she would howl loudly till the shadow went away."
"Last I knew she got adopted by a farmer and was happily chasing cows."
A Paradoxical Reaction
"I used to work at a shelter, so I guess this counts. One of our dogs had excitement-induced narcolepsy (called cataplexy). So, he'd fall asleep whenever he was too happy. Playing with other dog? Fall asleep. It snowed? Fall asleep. Get people food? Fall asleep."
"We adopted him."
"In a home, we figured out he was afraid of doorways. This doof would turn around and walk backwards through doorways instead because that was less scary."
"He was also no fan of hardwood floors or ceiling fans. Solid 50lb of staffy, biggest coward ever."
"He was the best dog."
"Was walking a golden lab and this poor dog smelled something interesting. Decided to pee on it and lifted his leg."
"Mid pee decided to smell it again and ended up peeing on his own face. Dog was something else."
A Quick and Relentless Wagging
"My mom's pit/lab mix is dumb. He has a crazy long tail and it wags at like 35 mph."
"The other day he was wagging his tail and it was smacking the edge of the fridge. It hurt, he whined. Instead of moving or holding his tail still he just stood there whacking it against the fridge and whining."
"I finally moved him away from the fridge and he sat and licked it for a while. He's a good boi, but he ain't bright."
"My sister's dog was dumb. One day I decided to teach it to sit on command, the way I had taught a couple of other dogs. So, every time I brought him in from the backyard I'd get a treat from on top of the refrigerator and go through training."
"It took much longer than I thought it would, but eventually the dog would sit on command."
"Then I discovered it only knew what 'sit' meant when he was facing the refrigerator. So, more training, Every time I brought him in, I'd have him face a new direction until he made the connection and would sit on command."
"Then I discovered he only knew how to do it in the kitchen."
"A dumb, dumb dog."
"I work in a vet clinic and a dog ate a soft cloth foreign object. We were able to induce vomiting and keep the dog from getting an obstruction."
"Immediately after hurling up the object without a moment's hesitation tried to eat it again so I had to pry it out of his teeth. Dumb."
Worst Guard Dog of All Time
"I used to pet sit a German Sheppard who I lovingly called Space Cadet. She was really good at following directions, but if I stopped giving her things to do, or stopped moving myself around, she would just disappear somewhere in her little doggy mind."
"Once her owner forgot to give me the key before she left for a long weekend so I had to break into the house. She didn't react until I called out for her. She had no sense that something was off about my entering. All she noticed was that her friend was in the apartment and it was time to play."
"I miss that dog."
Hope You Enjoyed Em, Harvey
"I work with dogs professionally however the dumbest dog I ever met was my friend's roommates dog in college. Harvey."
"He was the absolute sweetest pup, but he was so dumb he only had room for one emotion at a time and only had 2 emotions total: happy and sad. The cat hissed at him; sad. People came inside; happy. Someone yelled; sad. Someone said his name; happy. People not giving attention; sad. Remembered he had a toy; happy."
"But the dumbest thing this dog ever did was knock a glass pan of brownies off the counter when no one was home. Harvey ate the whole thing, including the glass. The dogs whole mouth was cut up, he spent hours at the vet, and came back on sedatives. Poor dog lauded in his bed for 3 days."
A Stride Length of 0, or Infinity
"I briefly volunteered at our local shelter and fell in love with a little mutt called Alfie."
"He had distemper when he was a pup so wasn't quite all there."
"When he was running his back legs seemed to be in a race with his front legs, so he mostly ran sideways, and when we were having cuddle time, he would suddenly decide he didn't know me and launch clumsily into a pretty adorable 'attack'. This mainly consisted of chewing my jumper and peeing on me."
"I loved that boy so much. Thankfully he was adopted quite quickly!"
"A wildly overweight chocolate lab we referred to as 'Bella Bighead.'"
"When I say she was overweight, I mean this dog was a furry sphere on legs with a dog head attached. She was also very affectionate, and being in a kennel w/o her owner made her anxious to say the least."
"One night, after the playroom floors had been cleaned and were thus a little slippery, we let her out with the other dogs for some exercise. Bella gets nervous. Bella decides she needs my undivided attention. Bella gets behind me, wedges her dumb, giant head between my knees and begins tunneling for China."
"The floor is too slick to get any shoe traction, so I end up stumbling backwards, landing square on Bella's oversized back."
"And that's the story of why I was caught on security camera riding a labrador like a pony."
Shoot the Gap
"My dog likes to whine for hours if the basement door isn't open. Cause his bowl of food is there. The door usually stays open but sometimes I accidentally close it."
"One time he was whining, I went to open the door and it was already open. About a six inch gap. He sat looking at me waiting for the door to open because clearly...it wasn't open far enough."
"Adorable but a giant idiot too."
"We had a welsh terrier named Lily who came to our kennel and was always booked for group playtime. She was a show dog, apparently, which might explain why she was violently stupid."
"One of the playrooms had a big window instead of a wall to let people watch the dogs play. Lily was so fu**ing dumb she didn't realize this was a window and she full-on sprinted headfirst into it. Every. Single. Day."
Primary Suspect: A Very Dumb Dog
"Have a friend with a black lab. Dumb as rocks but a total sweetie. He wags his tail so hard that they have to keep it wrapped. He will whack it into tables, corners, whatever to the point it will start to bleed."
"I went over once and they forgot to wrap the tail and after about 3 minutes the living room suddenly looked like a crime scene from the blood splatter"
"And the dog remained clueless. He was also adopted to be a hunting dog and he's terrified of loud noises. No hunting for him."
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"What makes someone bad in bed?"
WHERE TO BEGIN?!
The list is endless.
Half the time all it takes to be better is a little effort.
RedditorMidoriSpicewanted to hear about the lack of skills some people really need to acquire when it comes to sexy time. They asked:
"What makes someone bad in bed?"
I love sex. But it can be stressful. I've always found connection to be one of the best lessons.
CommunicationsGIF by HULUGiphy
"Assuming they already know what their partner wants/likes and doesn't communicate or take any instructions."
Take it Slow
"No foreplay and not caring if your partner is enjoying it."
"I had an ex who literally never wanted to do any kind of foreplay. He just wanted basically sex of any kind for him. He said oral on women was gross."
"Proposing mid intercourse."
"Honestly? With the partner I have, I'd think it was pretty hot and romantic lmao. I'd check in after the deed to make sure he was serious but our relationship is already very serious so it wouldn't be a big deal."
Talk to Me
"Not talking or making any noises. We don't have to dirty talk the whole time or even at all but you gotta let me know you're enjoying it at least."
"I think there's some balance between having some small talk, silence, and dirty talk while being in bed with someone. Or maybe that's just been my experience. I don't know--I think there's some fun in trying to carry a side conversation while having sex lol."
"Friction isn’t always a good thing."
YuckBored Larry Bird GIF by SB NationGiphy
"To this you can add unclipped fingernails."
"And dirty fingernails. Nah, ma'am. I’m betting this is not worth the infection. Thanks."
‘good at sex’
"I have a feeling most men will say 'lack of enthusiasm' and that most women will say 'being selfish about pleasure.'"
"I’m a woman and my first thought was lack of enthusiasm, but my own lack of enthusiasm. The only bad sex I’ve had is when I don’t genuinely want to be there. I’ve had sex with guys who weren’t ‘good at sex’ but still enjoyed it because I was really into them."
"They are convinced they know more about what works for you than you know yourself. Just cause your ex-lover Pat liked technique X doesn't mean everyone does."
"Have experienced this, it sucks. He wouldn’t listen to what I enjoyed, didn’t want me to say ANYTHING even if it hurt or wasn’t working, and would just say something along the lines of 'every other woman I’ve been with liked it.' I’m thinking, all you’ve had are one-night stands, really, so they probably didn’t say anything."
"I’ve had numerous partners and love sex. Crashed and burned with this one and he really crushed my self-esteem and sexual confidence."
"The biggest thing is always going to be selfishness and the inability/refusal to communicate and listen to your partner. I've seriously had a guy yell 'I KNOW HOW TO DO IT!' when I was trying to tell him how I liked whatever he was doing. He then got even more upset when I said 'did you just f**king yell at me? Alright, off, I'm done.'"
FlavorsAmanda Seales Wow GIF by truTVGiphy
"Lack of variety. Don't get me wrong, I don't mean crazy kinks or positions from the karma sutra, but more when it's really predicable. I has an ex that had this weird routine of positions, it was exactly the same every single f**king time in exactly the same order."
Sex. Let's be better at it.
Do you have similar experiences to share? Let us know in the comments below.
Love is so elusive these days isn't it?
Who knows what anyone is looking for in the relationship department anymore.
It's all too exhausting.
But people we keep trying.
RedditorProblemNice5257wanted to hear why so many people are still on the hunt for that perfect one. They asked:
"Why are you single right now?"
I'm single because I've given up. And I'm good. For now.
PeaceSnoop Dogg Reaction GIFGiphy
"I put absolutely no effort into meeting someone."
"Same! Also it's extremely difficult when you feel so at peace being by yourself. The fact that I have to find someone whose presence outweighs my level of comfort being alone seems impossible."
"Hard to meet people when you are a hermit."
"Yeah, I describe myself as a shut-in, lol. I leave my apartment to work, I leave my apartment to buy food, and occasionally I’ll bring out the trash, otherwise I just watch Hulu, play online chess, surf Reddit."
"Same. I've spent months trying to find an apartment I can afford without a roommate and finally settled on a small studio apartment for $1100 a month because I'd rather living in a tiny space and be left the hell alone than share a much nicer place even with a good friend."
"I have too many unsolved issues, i can't in good conscience bring someone else into them."
"Idk your issues but everyone's got some crap. Not sure how unique yours are but everyone's got some crap. It's good to share some of your struggles with other people. Just don't open with it haha."
"Issues unresolved or not, (in my case) only makes it worse when you feel like you could open up to them, and they just take those to use it against yourself afterwards."
"I hardly go out and expose myself to people. I'm uncomfortable with the notion of myself being in a relationship at this point. Also, I'm very dry in terms of personality."
"I spent a year entirely isolated due to covid and now I can't handle physical contact. It makes me really uncomfortable and a hug is enough to make my body shut down. I'm hopeless."
truthCaptain America Lol GIF by mtvGiphy
"Supply chain issue."
"Best answer here."
That's funny. But it feels oddly true.
Ahhh...Think Winnie The Pooh GIFGiphy
"I'm attracted to many, and unattractive to all."
"Last relationship was so toxic, I've sworn off dating, at least for awhile. I haven't had this much free time in ages. It's nice."
"Edit: Hey, it's really great hearing from so many people with similar experiences. Like many of you, I've been taking it in stride and focusing on bettering myself, both physically and mentally. It's done wonders for my health and I feel a whole lot better. I wish y'all the very best. Stay excellent, my friends."
"I'm 35yr old single father to a 5yr old and I work nights. It's hard to find free time to meet someone, especially in my area. If I do have free time to myself, I like staying home and ordering a pizza while drinking some beers and playing video games. I pretty much faced the fact that I will probably be alone for the rest of my life."
"I was in an 8 year relationship (married for two) to my high school sweetheart. Exactly this same time last year, we got divorced because I found out he was cheating on me with my best friend. The best friend I had known LONGER than him and was friends with since fourth grade."
"She was living with us to try to get back on her feet. Yeah lol. So I lost my best friend and the man I had been with for 8 years within the same night. So I moved to another state, got an apartment by myself, and am now single and divorced all by 26. Not really looking unless the right person comes along."
"It’s pretty happy and peaceful now that they’re both out of my life though honestly. You realize people’s toxicity and flaws the most once you get space away from them."
Bad LoopSeth Meyers Whatever GIF by Late Night with Seth MeyersGiphy
"Because my relationships end before they even begin."
"This is my story right here."
Alright. Now that we've laid out all the excuses, let's get to matching with some people.
There is no bigger mystery than what happens to us after we die.
But even those who don't practice an organized religion tend to believe that there is a Heaven, a happy joyful place where our souls will remain for eternity.
No two people share the same idea of what heaven would be like, but everyone who believes in it probably has an idea of the first thing they'd do after entering the pearly gates.
Redditor WeDidItGuyz was curious to hear what would be top on everyone's list upon entering the afterlife, leading them to ask:
"If heaven exists, what’s the first thing you’d do?"
Overcome with joy
"In all reality?"
"Probably cry for about 30 minutes because the biggest existential fear at the very core my humanity has now been lifted."
"If Heaven exists, like 50% of the awesomeness is just the very fact that it exists."heaven gate GIF by South Park Giphy
A re-match long in the making
"Ask my childhood friend Kevon for a race."
"He used to beat me handily when were younger (9-13) and he’d always brag."
"When I got older and faster I moved away so I was never able to race him again."
"We arranged for a race but he was shot multiple times and bound to a wheelchair until he passed a few years ago."
"I wanna race him both in our prime."- Abethegreat1
Reunite with loved ones
"Find my husband, give him a huge hug and never let go again."
"Live our forever together."
"I f*cking love him and miss him so much."- jessdfrench
"Embrace my sweet wife and tell her how proud I am of the kids."- RifleShower
"Try to find my brother."
"Man, I miss him."
"He died in 2020 at age 34."- grummlinds1
"Give my mum and dad a big hug."- goonerjack007Miss U GIF by GIPHY Studios OriginalsGiphy
Achieve the "firsts" we never got to do
"Find my son and have a beer with him."
"Something we never got to do in real life."- tanukis_parachute
Hone new skills
"Try to play Smoke on the water on my harp."- Ashtar-the-Squid
The joy of doing nothing
"Rest."- BanzaikoowaidCare Free Black Girls GIF by AuroraDrawsGiphy
Live on without pain
"Enjoy my healthy back without pain."- Knackbein_
Who knows what's in store for us after our lives come to an end.
But living with the idea that something wonderful awaits when our time has come is all people need to continue to live their lives to the fullest, and treat others with the respect and kindness they deserve.
"Fun facts" generally refers to a tidbit of information about a specific topic which the general public might not have otherwise known about.
But the first word in that term can be misleading.
Indeed, some "fun facts" reveal information that isn't remotely "fun" in the slightes.
Redditor Alternative_kachocho was curious to hear some "fun facts" which were anything but fun, leading them to ask:
What's a 'fun fact' that isn’t fun at all?"
Ironically, something you likely don't think about...
"Your brain blocks you from feeling your organs moving around inside you."- Aydengeist06
Try watching Finding Nemonow...
"Only one in a thousand sea turtles born actually make it to adulthood."- Sebs_123
Shocking new light on an age old classic
"In the books, Stuart Little was never explicitly called a mouse."
"He's pretty much described as a deformed mouse-esque person born form human parents."- Red_Beard47stuart little mouse GIF by VIASAT3Giphy
Nature running it's course...
"There's a bird that feeds its younger offspring to the eldest."- Teacup_Cult
I have no allergies... yet
"Speaking from personal experience here, but your body can randomly decide to become allergic to damn near everything edible at any time."
"Not very fun."- smallemochick
Those poor, innocent creatures.
"In some regions of Australia, 90 percent of koalas have chlamydia, which poses a threat to the species' extinction unless a vaccine is created or widespread koala culling takes place."- tiffanyjcrusekoalas kiss GIFGiphy
They'd still be here if they weren't so delicious...
"The giant tortoise was so delicious, it caused not only itself to be hunted to extinction, but also the dodo."
"Giant tortoise meat was supposedly better tasting than chicken."
"It's fat tasted better spread on bread than butter."
"Also, it was the perfect food for sailors at the time, as their bladders stored 1 litre of purified water, and they could survive without food in hibernation for almost a whole year in the hull of a ship."
"Not to mention, because they evolved without humans, they were easy to hunt."
"You could tie one to your back, and roll another to the ship and they would just let you."
"It was so delicious, they went unrecorded for a long time because expeditions to bring living samples of wildlife to Europe kept eating them on the way."
"Conversely, the dodo, while as easily captured by sailors, tasted awful."
"It was completely unpalatable."
"HOWEVER, one day, someone discovered if you cooked dodo meat in the more delicious tortoise fat, it tasted just like chicken."
"So now, sailors were hunting a few tortoises at a time for their fat and water, storing them, and then hunting dodos on the daily."
"Overhunting, plus the introduction of rats to the environment (because sailors) which would eat eggs, led go the population to decline at a rate they could not breed to keep up, leading to both animals going extinct."- Kyhan
Don't forget the nose plugs
"Antarctica smells like penguin poop."
"Antarctica is a desert, it is too cold for bacteria to live."
"Nothing there to clean up penguin droppings."
"If you are close enough to see penguins, you will also smell them."- gummby8
Makes those long lines so worth it...
"The TSA missed 96% of contraband during an inspection in 2015."- omegasix321All Falls Down Tsa GIF by Kanye WestGiphy
"The person who had the first facial transplant had her face chewed up by her Labrador dog while asleep due to sleeping pill overdose." - User Deleted
It's hard not to read some of these "fun facts" and wonder if there should be an alternative term for the facts which aren't fun.
Oh yeah, probably not....