Men can be really unintentionally creepy, because men are trained to believe that they have to go after any and all women they see.
And women are sick of the ways in which men get creepier and creepier. Men need to learn how to be less invasive of personal space, for one thing. For another, men need to learn how to stop treating women like pieces of meat or prizes to be won.
And women are speaking out.
u/20gunasarj asked:
Girls of Reddit, what are some things that most guys do that are are actually creepy?
Here were some of those answers.
No, I Don't Want Your Number
"I know you didn't GIVE ME your number, but I managed to acquire it without your permission and am using it to ask you out!" If we see each other regularly, ask me for it directly. If we don't, ask the person you're getting it from to ask me for permission first. It's so creepy to just get a text and have to investigate who's spreading my number around.
Will I Die Here?
Don't ask for my phone number, to go on a date etc if I'm in a place where I can't leave. The other day my taxi driver asked for my phone number. It's the middle of the night, he decides whether I get home safe or not and he knows my address. I was pretty sure he was an ok guy, but I just can't take the risk, so I had to give it to him. Now i'm Just ignoring the text he sent.
Gaslighting By Action
Seemingly harmless touching or word phrasing - actions that are intentionally ambiguous. Once it felt like my waiter was watching me for most of the evening but I didn't want to read too much into it. Later on I was momentarily alone at my table and he came up and rested his whole hand on my shoulder and asked "if there was absolutely anything at all" he could do for me and let his hand linger for a while. It's one of those things where if I tried to explain it to someone I could be dismissed as being overreactive but the tone & body language in that moment felt very clear.
Insulting Other Members Of My Life Ain't Sexy, Dawg
Not most guys but most guys of a certain age. Insulting other women in an attempt to compliment you. For example ' I like the way you dress, most women these days go out half naked etc' Often followed by other insulting sweeping statements trying to make the intended target feel special. Such as: ' You're the first woman I've met in a long time that can hold an intelligent conversation' ( usually after unsolicited dull political rants) 'Girls these days get so drunk, don't they have any self respect?' ( you will usually see this same man attempting to take home very drunk women at the end of the night when his horrible compliments have failed) Etc etc etc
Firstly, putting other women down just makes you look like a jerk. Secondly how do you know I am not a woman who often goes out 'half naked' and gets smashed and you are not directly insulting me. Thirdly, suggesting you have not met anyone that can keep up with your conversation either suggests you unfairly think women are stupid or you attract only stupid women, and you are arrogant. Finally let's not get into the very long explanation of how accusing women of having no self respect in these contexts is usually just sexism and control of women's agency veiled as concern.
Kissy Noise
Asking me out or flirting in the weirdest situations. Like I get it, it takes courage and preparation to ask someone out or just talk to a girl, but seriously, those guys...
Recently at 2am on the street, while walking my dog. I just got home earlier from workout and I was too lazy to change. This guy would follow us a few steps and made "smooch"(?) sounds to attract my attention. I'm not naive, but I always want to give people a chance to explain themselves, so I waited and had him approach me. Got the standard "Where are you from?" ,"What's your name?" "I like your tattoo.". I kept my replies reserved and polite, but told him that I really don't want to talk to him. He buzzed off. My dog also made it very clear that he disagrees with him talking to me.
What did he expect? 2am. Lonely street without any cafés or clubs or bars to be open at night, me walking my dog in smelly workout clothes...
Stop The Path
Did this by accident the other day.
Outside having a smoke and made eye contact with a girl who lives in my apartment block. Start chatting about normal stuff. Wasn't trying to get her number (wouldn't have said no though) just being friendly.
She finished her smoke before me and I realised I'd sort of positioned myself in her way so she had to either walk around me awkwardly or ask me to move. Suddenly felt really awkward and I apologised as soon as I realised and moved right out of her way.
So yeah, don't block the exit path of whoever you're talking to, even by accident. Makes you feel like a proper creep.
Stay Away
I had a few guys insist on picking me up for a date. They (probably) thought they was being nice and chivalrous while alarm bells were going off in my head, I don't want dudes off Tinder knowing where I live.
Keepaway
As a guy, I think it's very important to remember that a lot of women aren't trying to be be rude. It's at the point where they just don't want to attract any unwanted attention, which must suck. A comment my wife made once: Men fear rejection, but women fear rape or worse.
I'm a guy myself but I've heard from my GF that some people just get way too close, even while just having a normal conversation. It's an invasion of personal space. Dudes think that just because the girl doesn't move away at once it's ok to be up your face.
No, just because a girl doesn't immediately jump away doesn't mean that she's into you. Some people just want to act polite without escalating an already creepy situation.
But Also Stick Up For Your Friends
Hugging me upon first meeting. Last night I had a man hug me upon meeting me, he held me way too long and slid his hands down my body to my butt. It was really uncomfortable, and even worse my friend brushed it off as him being a horny old man. Not cool!
