Women find men to be fascinating and baffling creatures. There's probably not a woman in the world who hasn't looked at a man as if he was an alien species.
There are just things we see men do that are ... confusing to tons of women. Let's just say the average woman does things a little bit differently, particularly when it comes to friendship. For example, if you were to ask my ex who his best friend was, he would spit out the name of a person I never met and only spoke to once in the entire 12 years we were together. I don't doubt that they considered one another besties, but how? They never spoke! It wasn't just that Mike never came around, it was that they didn't talk, text, message, email, snail-mail, send smoke signals, hire sky writers, send telegrams, nada!
One Reddit user asked:
Women, what do you find most confusing about men?
Spoiler Alert: Yeah, none of the women here understand male friendships either. Or how men wear skinny jeans - but don't worry. Men were actually decently happy to respond! Enjoy some of the more popular responses - edited for language or clarity where needed.
Basic Info?
How little they know about their friends. My husband was friends with a guy for years and didn't know how old he was.
That type of stuff isn't a priority to us. We use different criteria to assess the quality of friendships.
Does he drink more, less, or the same as me? Does he earn more, less, or the same as me? Does he live nearby or work with me, so I can see him often enough without having to make special plans? Which sports does he watch, and who are his teams? Do we have similar hobbies to talk about?
That's probably 95% of it. We see no point in discussing favorite colors or favorite foods or hometowns or last names.
The Mechanics of Skinny Jeans
When you guys wear skinny jeans...where the does your junk go? Like, not sexually but as a concerned person... Does that get tucked or something? Wouldn't that hurt when you take off your jeans at the end of the day?
Depends on the guy. Most guys just have it kinda scrunched up on one side, but it's difficult to tell since skinny jeans have a surprising amount of crotch space.
Flaccid penises are really flexible; they can get into all sort of crazy positions without any harm. Just scrunching it up while putting on your pants is enough for most guys.
The real issue is the testes. Can't have pressure on those or else it hurts. Skinny jeans leave room for testes, which in turn leaves plenty of room for the penis.
- Xechwill
It's Not There
Giphy
How I can tell my husband where something is, and he can look right at it and say (with certainty), "it's not there."
Our vision is motion based. That's why women have so many jiggly parts.
- xubax
Fighting And Friendship
That guys can go from fighting and beating each other up to suddenly being back to friends, are you guys really friends? is it just taking frustration out on each other? what is it and how?
- freinlk
Two things:
1. Yes, usually its just pent up frustration/anger and once its dealt with things go back to normal.
2. It's very, very easy for guys to become and remain friends. If we share just one common interest we'll get along just fine.
Dave
Why is it that if I send you a message that has 3+ parts, you only respond to the least important or immediately relevant part?
If I'm like "Hey I saw our mutual friend while running errands. Let me know what you want for dinner I'm about to go pick it up. And did you take out the trash?" I get a response that says "Oh yeah Dave haven't seen him in a while."
We respond to the part that's important or interesting to us in a lot of cases. Generally, whatever she wants to eat is fine. Discussing the trash over text is pretty uninteresting, so pass on that.
But Dave? It's been a while! How's he?
180
Why some of the guys I know turn in completely different people when around their friends. I've seen women do it as well but never that big of a 180 as the men I know.
Essentially, men try to fit in with each other. We take in a situation and generally conform into one attitude because that's the norm for that specific group. most guys don't want to be seen as weird/different.
Admitting Defeat
Why they will throw their clothing on the floor next to the hamper when there is a perfectly good hamper right next to them. Baffling.
- katgib13
Because I want to wear it again later. If it goes into the hamper I've admitted defeat and will have to wash them sooner.
It's All Good?
What is up with having friends that give you sh*t and attitude and it's all good? It's like you all like to torment each other and laugh about it! (Not all men just the ones I know)
Ripping on each other is how our caveman brains are satisfied since we can't just beat each other up to establish group hierarchy.
- SPZX
That Greasy Feeling? You Mean Moisture?
Giphy
What's the deal with guys not wanting to use lotion or chapstick? Every guy I've dated thus far has denied my offer for lotion or chapstick when they complain about having chapped lips and dry skin.
I can deal with chapstick, but I have to wipe off the excess with a napkin/tissue immediately after applying. Lotion I absolutely won't use, hate my hands feeling like that. I can't handle the greasy feeling.
How Long Does It Actually Take?
Why does it take you so long to poop?
Do you not have enough fiber in your diet? Are man poops unfathomably large to a woman and just take so much effort to pass? Maybe you're just sitting there playing on your phone?
Most men I've met spend at least half an hour each time pooping. If a woman spent a half an hour on the toilet, you'd be worried she passed out in there or something.
Because it's another world. You get to be alone, no one telling you to do things or asking you questions. It's our safe space :)
"Nothing"
I haven't noticed this with girls but I have noticed that my husband will just like stare out into space with severe concentration and I'll be like "what's wrong babe?" and he will say something like "if all of our pets attacked me at once do you think I could fight them off?".
I've seen other guys do this too, it's just so fascinating.
(We have a medium pit mix, a small chihuahua mix, two ferrets and a hamster. So the answer was probably yes, unless he was asleep then maybe the medium dog could best him)
Lmao. He simply spoke the thoughts out loud that others cover up with "nothing."
- DrZeroH
Constant Competition
Why the constant need to have (metaphorical) 'dick measuring contests'
I was an aviation mechanic in the Marines for 5 years. I worked in a shop that averaged 25-30ish guys, while I was one of the only of 1-2 (at most 3) girls that were there. 75% of the non-work-related conversation was just them constantly comparing the most irrelevant things just to one-up each other. Not in a hostile way, just in very a 'bro' way.
Marine 1: "I ran faster than you this morning"
Marine 2: "yeah well I packed more life preservers than you and did it faster" (we worked on aviation safety equipment for helicopters)
Marine 3, from across the room not even in the conversation: "pssh, I can do more pull-ups than both of you combined"
NONE of those things have any thing to do with the other. How do you feel satisfied making these completely unrelated comparisons??
I mean I knew guys did this, I just could not believe how much/constant it happened and how irrelevant the comparisons were. so silly.
The Cupboard
Why are you unable to close cupboard doors?
Just gonna have to open it up again when I want something out!
Same Pants
How lazy can you be? My fiance can literally wear the same pants/ underpants for DAYS! Don't you feel at least uncomfortable?
It's not lazy it's being eco concious. Less changes of clothes equals less laundry equals less water used it's a no brainer 🤷♂️
Counseling
Unwillingness to go to counselling when there is a huge problem to the point of letting their counterpart suffer and or relationship breakdown - like if you love them be willing to work on stuff, don't just refuse because you don't want to do it / don't know what to expect ect / sole other stigma around counselling or self help in general / they don't see the problem themselves so don't think they need to even though they've been asked to go
I have way too many girlfriends stuck in difficult situations with men refusing to go to various therapy options available to them
I guess most men fear (rightly or not) that counselling is only being used by the woman to stock up on ammunition, or that they get reamed by their wife in front of a stranger, who also weighs in on that. And even if the counselor is really neutral, every argument would now cite the counselor as ultimate authority that, of course, assigns all blame to the man.
Probably not very rational, but i have to admit it would take A LOT to convince me to go to a counselor.
Put this into context though, a lot of men are brought up with this concept of 'boys don't cry' and that it's 'unmanly' to seek help. So there is a real stigma for a lot of men around seeking therapy/professional help and for showing vulnerability around mental illness.
Cleaning Help
Why do I have to clean with you every time you pick up a broom? I don't make you help me every single time!
If he did it alone, would you criticize the job he did?
- ItsMeTK
Too Cool
When you're starting to date a woman and you're actually attracted to her... why do some men try to downplay their actions or try to write something off for something else to "play it cool?" Some men do this up to an extent where it just becomes "too much" and it actually results in hurting the other party versus whatever their initial intent was.
We are currently voting on the correct amount of coolness to apply to women. So far we are having an issue since not all women are the same. We will let you know when the voting is done.
Friend's Opinions
When you tell him something and he downplays it or brushes it off. Then one of his friends says the same thing and he suddenly agrees with it. This happened all the time with my ex.
Your ex didnt care all that much about you, that's why.
- TCFi
Ghost
When a guy flirts with you, clearly interested, but "ghosts" you the next time you try talking to him. It confuses me very much, and it's happened to me before.
- x_joii
We're shy and probably thought of a reason why it wouldn't work.
Procrastination
They put everything off... from the simple tasks to the "absolutely has to get done ASAP". Like just go do it!
See though. The thing is usually it doesnt need to be done asap. And we almost always get it done regardless. Yes there are times that we wait to ling and it does work or we fail it or whatever, but 95% of the time it's fine.
Real life contains the scariest horrors you could ask for. So aren't we all living in a horror movie, in a way? At least, these people sure freakin' were.
MisterSnowman69 asked: What was a moment in your life that felt like a horror movie scene?
In the words of the legendary Mary Vivian Pierce in the film Pink Flamingos, “Murder merely relieves tension”. I’m sure the following Redditors felt differently.
Nothing scarier than the woods at night.
Went into a real deep woods hike for only the second time in my life.
My gps broke and had to rely on my compass. Got turned around a few times because I couldn't remember the direction I came from, and it was getting dark. Lost the trail way.
But the woods are weirdly silent in the dark and alone.
It was around 2am by the time I found the trailhead.
Darn foxes.
the simpsons react GIFGiphyMy friend and I got lost late on one foggy night in the Italian countryside. There were rats all over and every once in a while we heard someone scream.
I've never been more sure I was about to get murdered than I was that night.
It was probably a red fox that was screaming.
Could've also been a lynx, but they are much rarer in Italy.
At least she wasn’t speaking in tongues.
My mom is quite the sleep talker, but it's usually pretty short and incoherent when it happens. One night as a teenager, I woke up to her scream-yelling the Hail Mary prayer (my bedroom was across the house and upstairs).
Difficult to get back to sleep after that one.
Sometimes scary sh*t ends up just being funny coincidences. Super funny. Right?
Don’t give them any ideas.
I was exploring an abandoned mental asylum and then got the scare of my life when a scary looking person inside one of the rooms was just staring at me without moving. Turns out some joker had left a cardboard cutout there.
And now I have plans this weekend... Just need to find a couple of cardboard cutouts and to break into the local abandoned asylum.
Don’t you hate when that happens?
Evil Dead Horror GIF by Coolidge Corner TheatreGiphyI was driving home on backcountry roads at midnight in heavy fog. Like can't see 10 feet in front of you thick. Suddenly I see an all-white silhouette running in front of the car. Every hair on my body stood up. I immediately think "oh god, oh f*ck, it's a f*cking woman in white, I'm gonna f*cking die"
Nope just a drunk who dove into the ditch.
Gotta love paranoia.
When I was about 12, my parents went out for dinner leaving me home alone. We lived out in the country, on a private road with only three other houses, surrounded by cow fields and wooded areas.
I went into the the kitchen and glanced out the window towards the trees and there in the fading light I could see a person walking slowly through the woods. They were wearing all black, moving slowly and appeared to pause behind trees. My heart started pounding so hard in my ears I couldn't hear anything else and I was weak and shaky from fear. I froze and just watched them. Would they come to the house? Where were they going?
This was before cell phones but I suddenly remembered my mom had left the number of the restaurant by the living room phone. Slowly, I made my way towards the living room, trying to watch this stranger in the woods.
Just as I entered the living room, all the lights in the entire house went out. By this time it was nearly dark outside. I started openly sobbing and in the dark I heard a weird boom like noise. That was it, I ran to my parents room, hid under their bed and sobbed. That's where my mom found me hours later (it felt like).
Well, turns out the stranger in the woods was a stupid cow that had busted through a fence, the lights going out was from an accident a few miles away (hit the power line) and the boom was the pilot light in the gas stove. Man, I have never been that scared in my life though!
I have a lot of questions.
A naked man who was covered in blood chased me across a park at 2 in the morning. I was totally alone. He just wanted money for a bus (????) and luckily nothing bad happened but I thought I was going to die.
But of course, the genuine horrors do exist. And they aren’t scary in a fun horror movie way, they’re actually terrifying because they can happen to anyone.
A scary few seconds.
car chase GIF by Mayans M.C.GiphyI am a "baby" in a car seat in between cousins in backseat. Dad is driving. This is in the 80s and it is my aunt's insistence that I am in this seat even though I am like 5.
A sleeping semi driver is coming over into our lane and there is a cliff on other side. Basically my dad did some amazing driving but semi blew us up. I am uninjured sitting in the seat swinging my legs while everyone is unconscious. They all wake groaning. Dad doesnt wake up.
Long story short just minor scrapes and dad has broken leg. But the crunch of metal and those few seconds/minute of being the only "alive" person was quite fear inducing.
Glad they’re all ok now.
Two days after my now boyfriend told me he liked me he fell from a zip line and broke his back. Almost died. 6 months later he got into a car wreck from a drunk driver - almost died. 6 months after that, he passed out and had to have emergency brain surgery, again, almost died. I now have severe anxiety/separation anxiety/and ptsd. That whole year was a f*cking nightmare
Edit: we're both okay now, the brain injury was almost a year ago. But TBIs take a while to heal so he still has side effects. Thankfully our relationship is still strong; he's physically getting better and I'm healing emotionally too. Lucky for him, the trauma of the injuries has caused him to forget the majority of the pain and memories of those incidents.
ALWAYS wear a helmet.
Driving home from work at 23, listening to my favorite song.
I pull up to a red light, and see this guy on a motorcycle coming up next to me in the other lane. I rolled down my window to compliment his bike when he stops. He doesn't, and runs the red light. He hits a car going at least 55mph. His motorcycle shatters apart, he goes flying, hits the hood of another car, and lands on the ground and rolls into the curb (no helmet). The car he hit with his motorcycle was totaled. I had to step over his body to talk to the police. He was still alive when they got there. I regret not holding his hand. It was just a normal day, and all of a sudden it felt like the rug was pulled from out beneath me. He was only 18.
Edit: The song was Sunny by Boney M., for those curious
What did we learn today, kids? Foxes scream like humans, shadowy figures are usually cows or drunken rednecks, and once again, PLEASE WEAR A HELMET WHEN YOU RIDE ANY KIND OF BIKE.
Scary sh*t surrounds us. But where there is horror, there are heroes. So next time you think you see a scary figure in the woods, know that Bruce Campbell is probably right around the corner
Hypocrisy is everywhere; it's like a disease. And sadly everyone does it. Some of us indulge in smaller doses than others. But some people live their life by it. Like how can you support civil servants, like police, firefighters, etc... yet try to find ways to hide money in order to not pay taxes? Tell me... I'll wait.
Manga...
Hungry Night Court GIF by LaffGiphyItalian moms that say you're too fat then say I'm making grandma cry by not finishing my pasta.
Asian moms too! Not only that if you try to not eat, they make to go containers for you. Oh, sorry I have to leave, RUNS AT LEAST HAVE SOME FRUIT.
Phonies...
Celebrities positioning themselves as champions for social justice while launching a clothing line with no comment on the labor conditions their garments are made in.
Sexy Times...
The Porn Industry
Why is prostitution considered a crime, but it becomes perfectly legal once a camera is put beside them?
I think the first amendment helps with that one. There's been many a supreme-court case about whether porn is protected speech.
Mirror, Mirror on the Wall...
You can get away with WAY more crap, in general, when you're attractive.
But we all kind of aspire to attractiveness and it's not like it's attractive people's fault, exactly. So what is there to be done?
So true. Money and beauty are treated like virtues and they aren't. They're luck of the draw. It probably helps you to be a better person if people assume that you are gentle and clever just by looking at your face or wallet.
KIDS
GIF by MOODMANGiphyPeople screaming at you if you don't want Kids and Kids are the greatest thing in the World and then turn around and whine how expensive they are and how annoying yadda yadda.
Yeah see... humans are a mess. And too often then not, personal conviction and dignity are just a myth, or a punchline. Double standards have always been a way of life. And many of us have begrudgingly learned to navigate.
Fashion
Fashion Model GIF by NYFW: The ShowsGiphyIf a skinny person wears something out of the ordinary, it's a fashion statement and awesome. It can even just be something like a crop top or overalls.
But God forbid a fat person wear the same thing.
Distractions
The hypocrisy hypocrisy. People love to call it out but rarely notice it on themselves and if they notice it then it's something completely different or a distraction.
That's the worst. I hate that I have to hate that. But if I don't hate it, then the hate will just continue. So, really, my hate comes from my love of an end to hate. So anyone who hates my hate hates love. And we must hate anyone who hates love!
My Morality
My own personal hypocrisy; When I was a lot less well off financially, delivering pizzas trying to get through college, I kept a cup of coins in my car. When a homeless person would approach me for spare change, I gave them the cup. Most of the time it was nearly full, so there was probably 20-30 dollars in there.
Now that I have a good salaried job, even if I've got a few bucks in my wallet, I tend to not even make eye contact anymore. I know it's awful, I know it makes me crappy, but the last 4-5 years have made me a jaded craphead towards people in general. I used to be so hopeful and I wanted to help everyone, and tried to live a life that reflected that.
Now, while my general and political morality is pretty much the same, my personal morality has gotten more grey. I'd jaded, I hate people, I assume the worst of people I used to assume the best of. I don't really care about the strangers around me like I used to, but I still expect everyone else to.
Placing Blame
Victim mentality.
It's so freaking frustrating when it becomes entrenched. "You did this, it's your fault" "you should've known to do x, its your fault" Yeah bro your problems aren't my problems and if all you do is make excuses and blame me for them, it's not going to be my fault when you don't develop as a person and accomplish your dreams. I'm sure they'll find someone to blame though.
In D.C.
Donald Trump Reaction GIF by Election 2016GiphyPoliticians work part time, are given free housing, education, and health care, and exempt from the everyday violence we experience, but refuse to lift a finger to help us.
At this points most people running for a position in the government are only in it for the benefits of being a politician and the amount of money they can embezzle. Well in my country at least.
Just speak a truth and live it. Yes, it maybe hard. But what part of life isn't? Hypocrisy is just lying. Plain and simple. And it's a sin to lie.
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