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Women Share Their Absolute Best Replies To Unsolicited D*ck Pics

Women Share Their Absolute Best Replies To Unsolicited D*ck Pics
Yana Polyakova/Unsplash

There's not a woman I know between the ages of 17 and 70 who has access to technology and never gotten an unsolicited d*ck pic.

Note, I specified unsolicited.

This article will not be about consensual d*ck pics. We love and encourage whatever y'all are doing with consent.

Reddit user idkmanfckdis asked:

"What is the best reply a woman can give to a d*ck pic?"

Now, in *my* world, the best possible thing that can happen is for someone to become a character in the ongoing story that is my life.

That's how my long-time readers have gotten to know characters like "Mariachi Neighbor" and "Patty Poopy Pockets." It's how you'll all get to know the now-infamous "Wet D*ck Pic Guy" and hear about how I responded.

But not yet. First, we're going to talk about the way Reddit responds.

The Leader Board

doctor conan obrien GIF by Team CocoGiphy

"Send him back a d*ck pic."

- Magnon

"But much larger."

- lionsmakemecry

" 'I'm sorry but you are not the current winner. Here is the current leader. I wish I could tell you it was close wasn't.' "

- No_Manufacturer5641

"The current 'wiener'?"

- CartoonistExisting30

A Referral


"Screenshot, circle a random spot, send it back. 'Omg what is that??? Are you ok? You should go to a doctor.' "

- Insanus_Umbra

"Better yet, don’t send the picture with a circle. Leave them guessing which part you’re talking about."

- D_r_D_a_p_p_e_r

"Oooh or send it back to him with a text also saying something like 'Eww look what he sent me. Why does it look like that?'"

"Then apologize and say that was meant for your group chat."

- g_lay


" 'Sorry my phone doesn't zoom in that far.' "

- Keeyn1

" *emotional damage* "

- Somebody-or-somethin

"Such brutality."

- EastClintwood89


mtv help GIFGiphy

" 'This is an automated message generated by the Instagram team. Your image has been found to be a violation of 42 U.S.C. § 1283 (2020).' "

" 'An image you sent has been scanned by our Al Bot and was flagged as an unsolicited picture. Your account is scheduled to be reported to the police.' "

" 'Our bot is currently in BETA testing; sometimes it makes mistakes. If you believe this message was in error, reply "HELP" Otherwise, you will be contacted by your local authorities within 24hrs.' "

- OkDraw8445

"And once he replies HELP, delete your message and take a screenshot of him sending a photo of his d*ck and saying 'HELP.' "

- petrogradsky

Slice Of Life

"Hotdog slicer or banana slicer."

- silentspeck

"Cigar cutter also a good one."

- andariel_axe

"I have been using this one for years. It usually works quite well."

- kalmatar

"I’m a fan of this one. They never respond afterwards, go figure."

- aabrithrilar


cactus brad GIF by NASCAR on NBCGiphy

"Send them back a completely random picture. The more unrelated the better."

"He sends you a d*ck pic. You send him a picture of a potted cactus."

"But you don't add any other text. None. And you don't answer further."

"He will drive himself crazy wondering how what does that cactus mean. How is it related to his d*ck pic? Is it a threat? Is it an invite? Is it a meme that he hasn't learned yet? WHAT IS IT?!?"

"So, your best bet is to go surreal."

- inksmudgedhands

"When the going gets weird, the surreal start painting their giraffes."

- Gerbs79

Animal Kingdom

"One day I looked up the weirdest d*ck in nature. It's is the echidna penis which has 4 heads."

"Since then, I have it in my phone for whenever I or a friend gets a d*ck pic we didn't ask for."

- SecretCalligrapher67

"How about a hyena's pseudopenis, which the FEMALE possesses? And she has to give birth through it!"

- notthesedays

Enjoy The Silence

Phoebe Waller-Bridge Ok GIF by Saturday Night LiveGiphy


"Men who send those are getting off on any response given. They want female attention and indignity. Don’t give it to them."

- feidle

"If I received an unsolicited picture like that it would be an instant block."

"You’re right. They’re just trying to get a rise out of girls and unfortunately they get that rise way too often. Both genders are fools."

- WhatJewLookinAt

"Even worse, I remember reading once an ask Reddit thread where they asked why guys send d*ck pics. Some of the top answers were 'I have a humiliation fetish and get off on women insulting me.' "

"So basically a majority of the top answers here would be exactly what those guys want."

- crimsonblade55

Dance Break!

"Link them to this video."

"It's essentially a Despacito parody, but telling people why you shouldn't send pictures of your genitalia."

- EccentricHorse11

Verbal murder

episode 8 fighting GIFGiphy

"If it's unsolicited tell him child pornography is illegal"


"That’s how you really get them to stop"

- Lonely_egg_McMuffin

"Wow wow wow, I thought you were supposed to get them to stop, not straight up murder them on the spot."

- YoBeaverBoy

"Big fan of this one."

- quirkytorch

"OP was asking for the best reply to a d*ck pic, not how to f-ing murder the guy."

- davm0515

Cute size

"It’s like a penis only smaller"


"What is this, a penis for ants?!"


"Does that come in adult sizes?"


It's more of your personality

"You’ve got more d*ck in your personality than your pants"

- S-S-Stumbles

"They were asking for a reply not an execution bro"

- TheDarkSoulHunter

"An instant kill, love it"

- aabrithrilar


- daneelthesane

Smallweenermon I choose you

pokemon battle love GIFGiphy

"Send one back in a Pokemon card format and challenge him to a battle"

- R3tr0_10

"but shrink it and give it a name like 'smallweenermon'."

- Haunting-Ideal4764

"It only knows one move."


- MrHanslaX

​Not the best response

"A picture of my little toe and the caption 'mine's bigger'."

- SociallyAwkardTurtl

"You must not have been on the internet very long if you think sending pictures of your feet will discourage the creeps."

- rekcilthis1

"I would be worried about them liking the image too much"

- Loose-Professor5364

"Jokes on you cuz he has a foot fetish 👣"

- the_drill2727

But what if...

"If unsolicited then I’d agree with most of these."

"But if from your BF, there’s a good chance he’s insecure about it just like some girls are insecure with their bodies aswell; so unless u have a friendly and I mean very friendly and open relationship I’d advise not joking about it cause they might laugh it off but that doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt"

"Now Idgaf I laugh everything off but I didn’t always so even if u hate DPs just let him know""

- Av-kay

Okay, my turn now.

A few years back, when I was actively dating, I had a Tinder profile. One of the images on that Tinder was of me with two of my then-bandmates. It was THAT picture, an image where I am fully clothed in a recording studio with two other people, that snagged me "Wet D*ck Pic Guy."

He swiped, I swiped. He was someone I had seen at shows a few times. I knew his name. He knew mine. He was good friends with a lot of my bandmates and friends connected to them.


In fact, his opening message to me was to point out that we had a bunch of close mutual friends and remark how strange it was that we didn't know each other better.

I agreed, and made some comment about how his band and mine had even done shows together but he and I, as individuals, had never really talked.

So far, so good. And then it wasn't.

His next message was an Imgur link. I knew better, because I've been a citizen of internet for my whole life, but sometimes you just can't help but to click, ya know?

Curiosity killed the coochie.

I don't know what I was expecting; but I promise it was not the weirdly-wet (like slimey? the pic definitely gave "macaroni noises" vibe) and glistening, awkwardly half-hunched over, f*ckery that I got.

Why was it wet? You're very obviously on dry-land in the picture.

Why wouldn't you clean your room if it's gonna be in the background?

This was on Imgur and had been for quite some time. So do you just keep an album of d*ck pics to send to people who don't ask?


I had tons of questions, but we all know asking them would have gotten us nowhere. Instead, I sent him back a "p*ssy pic" - an image of a cat snarling as it swats a mouse's corpse through the air.

And then I mentioned it to a friend.

Apparently yes, he was sending that same weird pic to a lot of women. And a lot of those women were friends, or friends of friends. Friends talk. Friends share screen shots.

"Wet d*ck pic guy" did not get anywhere with that pic except talked about in a LOT of group chats, rehearsal rooms, and back stage areas.

He also earned himself a new nickname and reputation that made things a lot, erm, *harder* for him in the music and dating scene.


Season 7 Oops GIF by WorkaholicsGiphy

"y'all...i meant a SOLICITED dick pic😭"

- idkmanfuckdis

"LMFAO we out here roasting your man"

- k1w1g1rl

"THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING. I haven't seen a single positive reply so far, all about unsolicited. Sending a private photo to a significant other that wants it is an okay thing for men to do guys..."

- jackrocks1201

"Cos most people getting dick pics didn’t solicit them. What did you expect? 'What a pleasant penis?'???"

- PuffinStuffinMuffins

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People Reveal The Weirdest Thing About Themselves

Reddit user Isitjustmedownhere asked: 'Give an example; how weird are you really?'

Let's get one thing straight: no one is normal. We're all weird in our own ways, and that is actually normal.

Of course, that doesn't mean we don't all have that one strange trait or quirk that outweighs all the other weirdness we possess.

For me, it's the fact that I'm almost 30 years old, and I still have an imaginary friend. Her name is Sarah, she has red hair and green eyes, and I strongly believe that, since I lived in India when I created her and there were no actual people with red hair around, she was based on Daphne Blake from Scooby-Doo.

I also didn't know the name Sarah when I created her, so that came later. I know she's not really there, hence the term 'imaginary friend,' but she's kind of always been around. We all have conversations in our heads; mine are with Sarah. She keeps me on task and efficient.

My mom thinks I'm crazy that I still have an imaginary friend, and writing about her like this makes me think I may actually be crazy, but I don't mind. As I said, we're all weird, and we all have that one trait that outweighs all the other weirdness.

Redditors know this all too well and are eager to share their weird traits.

It all started when Redditor Isitjustmedownhere asked:

"Give an example; how weird are you really?"

Monsters Under My Bed

"My bed doesn't touch any wall."

"Edit: I guess i should clarify im not rich."

– Practical_Eye_3600

"Gosh the monsters can get you from any angle then."

– bikergirlr7

"At first I thought this was a flex on how big your bedroom is, but then I realized you're just a psycho 😁"

– zenOFiniquity8

Can You See Why?

"I bought one of those super-powerful fans to dry a basement carpet. Afterwards, I realized that it can point straight up and that it would be amazing to use on myself post-shower. Now I squeegee my body with my hands, step out of the shower and get blasted by a wide jet of room-temp air. I barely use my towel at all. Wife thinks I'm weird."

– KingBooRadley


"In 1990 when I was 8 years old and bored on a field trip, I saw a black Oldsmobile Cutlass driving down the street on a hot day to where you could see that mirage like distortion from the heat on the road. I took a “snapshot” by blinking my eyes and told myself “I wonder how long I can remember this image” ….well."

– AquamarineCheetah

"Even before smartphones, I always take "snapshots" by blinking my eyes hoping I'll remember every detail so I can draw it when I get home. Unfortunately, I may have taken so much snapshots that I can no longer remember every detail I want to draw."

"Makes me think my "memory is full.""

– Reasonable-Pirate902

Same, Same

"I have eaten the same lunch every day for the past 4 years and I'm not bored yet."

– OhhGoood

"How f**king big was this lunch when you started?"

– notmyrealnam3

Not Sure Who Was Weirder

"Had a line cook that worked for us for 6 months never said much. My sous chef once told him with no context, "Baw wit da baw daw bang daw bang diggy diggy." The guy smiled, left, and never came back."

– Frostygrunt


"I pace around my house for hours listening to music imagining that I have done all the things I simply lack the brain capacity to do, or in some really bizarre scenarios, I can really get immersed in these imaginations sometimes I don't know if this is some form of schizophrenia or what."

– RandomSharinganUser

"I do the same exact thing, sometimes for hours. When I was young it would be a ridiculous amount of time and many years later it’s sort of trickled off into almost nothing (almost). It’s weird but I just thought it’s how my brain processes sh*t."

– Kolkeia

If Only

"Even as an adult I still think that if you are in a car that goes over a cliff; and right as you are about to hit the ground if you jump up you can avoid the damage and will land safely. I know I'm wrong. You shut up. I'm not crying."

– ShotCompetition2593

Pet Food

"As a kid I would snack on my dog's Milkbones."

– drummerskillit

"Haha, I have a clear memory of myself doing this as well. I was around 3 y/o. Needless to say no one was supervising me."

– Isitjustmedownhere

"When I was younger, one of my responsibilities was to feed the pet fish every day. Instead, I would hide under the futon in the spare bedroom and eat the fish food."

– -GateKeep-

My Favorite Subject

"I'm autistic and have always had a thing for insects. My neurotypical best friend and I used to hang out at this local bar to talk to girls, back in the late 90s. One time he claimed that my tendency to circle conversations back to insects was hurting my game. The next time we went to that bar (with a few other friends), he turned and said sternly "No talking about bugs. Or space, or statistics or other bullsh*t but mainly no bugs." I felt like he was losing his mind over nothing."

"It was summer, the bar had its windows open. Our group hit it off with a group of young ladies, We were all chatting and having a good time. I was talking to one of these girls, my buddy was behind her facing away from me talking to a few other people."

"A cloudless sulphur flies in and lands on little thing that holds coasters."

"Cue Jordan Peele sweating gif."

"The girl notices my tension, and asks if I am looking at the leaf. "Actually, that's a lepidoptera called..." I looked at the back of my friend's head, he wasn't looking, "I mean a butterfly..." I poked it and it spread its wings the girl says "oh that's a BUG?!" and I still remember my friend turning around slowly to look at me with chastisement. The ONE thing he told me not to do."

"I was 21, and was completely not aware that I already had a rep for being an oddball. It got worse from there."

– Phormicidae

*Teeth Chatter*

"I bite ice cream sometimes."


"That's how I am with popsicles. My wife shudders every single time."


Never Speak Of This

"I put ice in my milk."


"You should keep that kind of thing to yourself. Even when asked."

– We-R-Doomed

"There's some disturbing sh*t in this thread, but this one takes the cake."

– RatonaMuffin

More Than Super Hearing

"I can hear the television while it's on mute."

– Tira13e

"What does it say to you, child?"

– Mama_Skip


"I put mustard on my omelettes."

– Deleted User


– NotCrustOr-filling

Evened Up

"Whenever I say a word and feel like I used a half of my mouth more than the other half, I have to even it out by saying the word again using the other half of my mouth more. If I don't do it correctly, that can go on forever until I feel it's ok."

"I do it silently so I don't creep people out."

– LesPaltaX

"That sounds like a symptom of OCD (I have it myself). Some people with OCD feel like certain actions have to be balanced (like counting or making sure physical movements are even). You should find a therapist who specializes in OCD, because they can help you."

– MoonlightKayla

I totally have the same need for things to be balanced! Guess I'm weird and a little OCD!

Close up face of a woman in bed, staring into the camera
Photo by Jen Theodore

Experiencing death is a fascinating and frightening idea.

Who doesn't want to know what is waiting for us on the other side?

But so many of us want to know and then come back and live a little longer.

It would be so great to be sure there is something else.

But the whole dying part is not that great, so we'll have to rely on other people's accounts.

Redditor AlaskaStiletto wanted to hear from everyone who has returned to life, so they asked:

"Redditors who have 'died' and come back to life, what did you see?"


Happy Good Vibes GIF by Major League SoccerGiphy

"My dad's heart stopped when he had a heart attack and he had to be brought back to life. He kept the paper copy of the heart monitor which shows he flatlined. He said he felt an overwhelming sensation of peace, like nothing he had felt before."



"I had surgical complications in 2010 that caused a great deal of blood loss. As a result, I had extremely low blood pressure and could barely stay awake. I remember feeling like I was surrounded by loved ones who had passed. They were in a circle around me and I knew they were there to guide me onwards. I told them I was not ready to go because my kids needed me and I came back."

"My nurse later said she was afraid she’d find me dead every time she came into the room."

"It took months, and blood transfusions, but I recovered."


Take Me Back

"Overwhelming peace and happiness. A bright airy and floating feeling. I live a very stressful life. Imagine finding out the person you have had a crush on reveals they have the same feelings for you and then you win the lotto later that day - that was the feeling I had."

"I never feared death afterward and am relieved when I hear of people dying after suffering from an illness."



The Light Minnie GIF by (G)I-DLEGiphy

"I had a heart surgery with near-death experience, for me at least (well the possibility that those effects are caused by morphine is also there) I just saw black and nothing else but it was warm and I had such inner peace, its weird as I sometimes still think about it and wish this feeling of being so light and free again."


This is why I hate surgery.

You just never know.



"More of a near-death experience. I was electrocuted. I felt like I was in a deep hole looking straight up in the sky. My life flashed before me. Felt sad for my family, but I had a deep sense of peace."



"Nursing in the ICU, we’ve had people try to die on us many times during the years, some successfully. One guy stood out to me. His heart stopped. We called a code, are working on him, and suddenly he comes to. We hadn’t vented him yet, so he was able to talk, and he started screaming, 'Don’t let them take me, don’t let them take me, they are coming,' he was scared and yelling."

"Then he yelled a little more, as we tried to calm him down, he screamed, 'No, No,' and gestured towards the end of the bed, and died again. We didn’t get him back. It was seriously creepy. We called his son to tell him the news, and the son said basically, 'Good, he was an SOB.'”



"My sister died and said it was extremely peaceful. She said it was very loud like a train station and lots of talking and she was stuck in this area that was like a curtain with lots of beautiful colors (colors that you don’t see in real life according to her) a man told her 'He was sorry, but she had to go back as it wasn’t her time.'"


"I had a really similar experience except I was in an endless garden with flowers that were colors I had never seen before. It was quiet and peaceful and a woman in a dress looked at me, shook her head, and just said 'Not yet.' As I was coming back, it was extremely loud, like everyone in the world was trying to talk all at once. It was all very disorienting but it changed my perspective on life!"


The Fog

"I was in a gray fog with a girl who looked a lot like a young version of my grandmother (who was still alive) but dressed like a pioneer in the 1800s she didn't say anything but kept pulling me towards an opening in the wall. I kept refusing to go because I was so tired."

"I finally got tired of her nagging and went and that's when I came to. I had bled out during a c-section and my heart could not beat without blood. They had to deliver the baby and sew up the bleeders. refill me with blood before they could restart my heart so, like, at least 12 minutes gone."


Through the Walls

"My spouse was dead for a couple of minutes one miserable night. She maintains that she saw nothing, but only heard people talking about her like through a wall. The only thing she remembers for absolute certain was begging an ER nurse that she didn't want to die."

"She's quite alive and well today."


Well let's all be happy to be alive.

It seems to be all we have.

Man's waist line
Santhosh Vaithiyanathan/Unsplash

Trying to lose weight is a struggle understood by many people regardless of size.

The goal of reaching a healthy weight may seem unattainable, but with diet and exercise, it can pay off through persistence and discipline.

Seeing the pounds gradually drop off can also be a great motivator and incentivize people to stay the course.

Those who've achieved their respective weight goals shared their experiences when Redditor apprenti8455 asked:

"People who lost a lot of weight, what surprises you the most now?"

Redditors didn't see these coming.

Shiver Me Timbers

"I’m always cold now!"

– Telrom_1

"I had a coworker lose over 130 pounds five or six years ago. I’ve never seen him without a jacket on since."

– r7ndom

"140 lbs lost here starting just before COVID, I feel like that little old lady that's always cold, damn this top comment was on point lmao."

– mr_remy

Drawing Concern

"I lost 100 pounds over a year and a half but since I’m old(70’s) it seems few people comment on it because (I think) they think I’m wasting away from some terminal illness."

– dee-fondy

"Congrats on the weight loss! It’s honestly a real accomplishment 🙂"

"Working in oncology, I can never comment on someone’s weight loss unless I specifically know it was on purpose, regardless of their age. I think it kind of ruffles feathers at times, but like I don’t want to congratulate someone for having cancer or something. It’s a weird place to be in."

– LizardofDeath

Unleashing Insults

"I remember when I lost the first big chunk of weight (around 50 lbs) it was like it gave some people license to talk sh*t about the 'old' me. Old coworkers, friends, made a lot of not just negative, but harsh comments about what I used to look like. One person I met after the big loss saw a picture of me prior and said, 'Wow, we wouldn’t even be friends!'”

"It wasn’t extremely common, but I was a little alarmed by some of the attention. My weight has been up and down since then, but every time I gain a little it gets me a little down thinking about those things people said."

– alanamablamaspama

Not Everything Goes After Losing Weight

"The loose skin is a bit unexpected."

– KeltarCentauri

"I haven’t experienced it myself, but surgery to remove skin takes a long time to recover. Longer than bariatric surgery and usually isn’t covered by insurance unless you have both."

– KatMagic1977

"It definitely does take a long time to recover. My Dad dropped a little over 200 pounds a few years back and decided to go through with skin removal surgery to deal with the excess. His procedure was extensive, as in he had skin taken from just about every part of his body excluding his head, and he went through hell for weeks in recovery, and he was bedridden for a lot of it."

– Jaew96

These Redditors shared their pleasantly surprising experiences.


"I can buy clothes in any store I want."

– WaySavvyD

"When I lost weight I was dying to go find cute, smaller clothes and I really struggled. As someone who had always been restricted to one or two stores that catered to plus-sized clothing, a full mall of shops with items in my size was daunting. Too many options and not enough knowledge of brands that were good vs cheap. I usually went home pretty frustrated."

– ganache98012

No More Symptoms

"Lost about 80 pounds in the past year and a half, biggest thing that I’ve noticed that I haven’t seen mentioned on here yet is my acid reflux and heartburn are basically gone. I used to be popping tums every couple hours and now they just sit in the medicine cabinet collecting dust."

– colleennicole93

Expanding Capabilities

"I'm all for not judging people by their appearance and I recognise that there are unhealthy, unachievable beauty standards, but one thing that is undeniable is that I can just do stuff now. Just stamina and flexibility alone are worth it, appearance is tertiary at best."

– Ramblonius

People Change Their Tune

"How much nicer people are to you."

"My feet weren't 'wide' they were 'fat.'"

– LiZZygsu

"Have to agree. Lost 220 lbs, people make eye contact and hold open doors and stuff"

"And on the foot thing, I also lost a full shoe size numerically and also wear regular width now 😅"

– awholedamngarden

It's gonna take some getting used to.

Bones Everywhere

"Having bones. Collarbones, wrist bones, knee bones, hip bones, ribs. I have so many bones sticking out everywhere and it’s weird as hell."

– Princess-Pancake-97

"I noticed the shadow of my ribs the other day and it threw me, there’s a whole skeleton in here."

– bekastrange

Knee Pillow

"Right?! And they’re so … pointy! Now I get why people sleep with pillows between their legs - the knee bones laying on top of each other (side sleeper here) is weird and jarring."

– snic2030

"I lost only 40 pounds within the last year or so. I’m struggling to relate to most of these comments as I feel like I just 'slimmed down' rather than dropped a ton. But wow, the pillow between the knees at night. YES! I can relate to this. I think a lot of my weight was in my thighs. I never needed to do this up until recently."

– Strongbad23

More Mobility

"I’ve lost 100 lbs since 2020. It’s a collection of little things that surprise me. For at least 10 years I couldn’t put on socks, or tie my shoes. I couldn’t bend over and pick something up. I couldn’t climb a ladder to fix something. Simple things like that I can do now that fascinate me."

"Edit: Some additional little things are sitting in a chair with arms, sitting in a booth in a restaurant, being able to shop in a normal store AND not needing to buy the biggest size there, being able to easily wipe my butt, and looking down and being able to see my penis."

– dma1965

People making significant changes, whether for mental or physical health, can surely find a newfound perspective on life.

But they can also discover different issues they never saw coming.

That being said, overcoming any challenge in life is laudable, especially if it leads to gaining confidence and ditching insecurities.