Guys listen, my man is dumb. Not unintelligent - but straight out dumb. I had a thing for him for ages and he was completely oblivious. I was a singer in a band when we met and would sing the whole set straight to him every single time. Like not even slickly at him, like I would sometimes sit right on the edge of the stage, grab his face in my hands and sing directly to him and only him. I even kissed him from the stage once. He still didn't get it. HOW DID HE NOT GET IT!?!
He laughs about it now that he can see it; mostly because I'm really not subtle. I have no poker face - and no idea how the hell he didn't catch it! Neither does he. Sometimes he'll catch me staring and just laugh and apologize for missing it for so long.
Reddit user xmobius0ne asked:
Women of reddit, what's the most obvious hint you gave to a guy that he didn't pick up on?
Women were quick to answer, and some men spoke up about hints they'd missed. I'm seriously concerned for the future of humanity, guys. Some of you are a little too oblivious; like, it can't be safe for you out here without supervision. Here are some of the more popular responses.
Floors And Belts
"That's a really nice belt. It would look better on my floor" while tugging at it and biting my lip. He looked at me totally confused before saying "Floors don't wear belts."
Must've Been A Prank
I literally wrapped my arms around him from behind and told him how cute I though the was. 5 years later we reconnected and started dating, he told me "I thought you were joking because you are too pretty to want to be with me"
Being insecure back then he convinced himself that he wasn't good enough and that it must have been a prank.
- paige120
The Discount
GiphyNot a woman but was on the other end.
Worked at Kroger, super super cutie pie comes in with some friends they grab like 3 items and go through my line. I ring up the items and ask if they have a Kroger card (discount savings card.) She said no, she doesn't have a card.
I responded "That's ok you can enter your number." she looks at me with her super cute face and said "Can I have your number?"
I literally said: "I apologize, it's policy that I can't let you use my number for the Kroger discount."
She walked out very upset and the older guy that was bagging called me a f*ckin idiot. It was at that moment I understood I was a worthless virgin.
Liquid Courage
He was my best friend and I liked him for years. I'd shyly drop hints and flirt sometimes when he was single, but was never brave enough to say anything outright. I got drunk with him alone one night and the liquid courage kicked in. I literally told him I was attracted to him and the alcohol was making me a want to be a "bad friend." He laughed and said that It was "sweet of me to say."
I thought at the time he was turning me down.
Fast forward months later and we're hanging out again with more liquid courage and I just flat out said that sexual tension was making thing weird for me and asked if we could hook up and I'd promise not to be a weirdo about it. He was shocked that I had these feels about him. I was stunned that he didn't know. Really dude?
Long story short he actually like me from day one as well and didn't think I was interested. So he happily friend zoned himself. Wtf! Now we've been married for 6 year and he still can't tell when I wanna bone without me clearly saying it. Love him.
Tangible
A girl in the dorms texted me "Come down to my place so we can do something tangible." I didn't know what tangible meant then. Needless to say, I didn't do anything tangible that night.
The Type Of Hint
I told my husband on my way out that the house sure was messy. Came back home to a messy house.
Is this not the type of hint we are talking about?
- Zer_0
Those Cheesy Pornos
Laying in bed at night with my then-best friend/now husband, I was squirming around and complaining about how hot it was. I was uncertain because he wasn't throwing out hints, so I did the next best thing and I literally tried to act out one of those cheesy pornos.
"Ohhhhh, it's sooooooo warm, let me just get topless and throw off the covers and squirm around a little, moaning and groaning, in the hopes you might catch a glimpse and jump my bones!" Kind of like that. I took off my top so I was only wearing panties and HE STILL DIDN'T GET THE HINT.
Had to literally tell him I was interested before he made a move.
Serious About The Date
GiphyHe and I had been flirting for weeks. I asked him when he was planning on taking me out on a date. He laughed it off and I moved on. Years later, we happened to be at the same bar where he admitted having a huge crush on me for years. He didn't realize I had been serious about the date until I told him.
- CozyMeg
Mega Best Friends
I hugged and told him that I liked him. He responded by asking:
"So what are we? Best friends?"
"No, more than that!"
"Mega best friends?"
I never felt the need to smack my face against the concrete hard until that very day. Welp, I still love him and still together for almost 7 years now!
- meowrii_
Play Time
We've been living together for half a year, and dating for much longer.
Just finished a video game together.
Me: "I'm gonna go play with myself in bed." I walk towards the bed room whilst keeping eye contact with him.
Him: makes an acknowledging nod and says, "I won't disturb you then." He smiles and opens up Reddit to read the front page.
- MinamiQ
Oblivious
I'm a guy, but one time a girl had to literally tell me "I'm flirting with you now" because I'm oblivious to everything.
Happy New Year
GiphyI'm the guy. After an evening in the pub a small group of us went back to her place to keep on drinking, about 2am I decide to leave and she is standing in front of me blocking the door, begging me to stay. "Sorry, I've got work tomorrow".
We ended up hooking up about a month later on new years eve when she called me a f*cking idiot.
Anti-Story
I have an anti-story of sorts..
Went to a place, met a woman, we flirted a bit. I asked "are you in any way interested in me", and her response was a shocked "no", to which I said "That's fine, I'd still like to be just friends".
She was shocked at my directness and caught off guard. But the fact of my directness interested her intensely. She and I are now together.
Please, humanity needs more direct talk and less posturing and pretense.
Booty Call
A friend had a small romance going on with a mutual friend. They'd had two dates. First one went well, and at the end she said that the only reason she wasn't inviting him back to hers was because she had a strict rule about not doing that after the first date. He didn't click that 'back to hers' = sex, and just assumed her house was messy. Second date went real well, but ended short when she found her brother was in hospital. At first he thought it was a ruse to end the date, but then she asked if he could drive her to the hospital.
So jump forward a few days and I'm out with him at a club. She messages him at about 11.30 asking what he's up to. He says out with mates, but it's a bit boring, he might head home. She says she has a nice bottle of rum but no Coke to mix it with - would he mind picking her up a bottle and bringing it over. At this point we are all giving him the pat on the back, and telling him to go get it. He is sure that she just wants a bottle of coke, and cbf going all the way out there to just turn around and come back.
She then offered to come grab him, and he asked why she didn't just grab herself a coke if she was happy to drive anyway. At this point, we are hanging bulk shit on him as he insists he doesn't think that it's a booty call. She's just hit him up at 11.30pm on a Saturday night after two dates because she wants a bottle of coke.
She ended up literally saying "what do I need to do to get you to come over and fuck me right now", at which point we were all basically on the floor laughing, and he ran to get a cab so quick I swear there was an outline of dust where we was like in a cartoon.
While waiting for him to arrive, she was messaging us to make sure we knew he was dumb as fuck and wanted to make sure we'd hung sh*t on him appropriately. We had.
(Font) Size Matters
Guy here.
We were 16(me) and 17(her) respectively. Kids, sure, but it's still a story. I had feelings for her until a few months before when I decided to give up. Kid me wasn't a persistent one.
We had a class together. She literally scribbled "I love you by the way" with like size 72 font in the notebook we've been chatting in for the whole lecture, in font 12. I guess she got a bit impatient. And it somehow missed me.
Six. Took me six freaking months to get it. I felt moronic for a year...
So, Lex, if you read this, I'm still sorry I was an idiot.
- KosViik
He was telling me about a meeting that was happening in a bar in our town every Friday, and I said I was interested and asked if he had Facebook. He said "Yes but I don't really use it."
He said he was beating himself up for this stupid answer all the way back home and I still love to tease him about it! We've been together for over a year now :)
- merme91
What Did I Smoke?
GiphyI was friends with this girl living in a different city during college. I once went to her and we talked the whole evening until the point that I had to go to catch the last train. She convinced me to stay and we both slept in her bed. She started cuddling and I asked her what she was doing. She said "nothing."
I subsequently asked her if she was trying to sleep with me. She said "no, that's why i'm laying next to you naked". I didn't pick up on the sarcasm and went "ok cool sleep well" and I turned around and went to sleep!
To this day I don't know what I smoked to miss that.
Never Have I Ever
One time, as a teenager, a girl made out with me at a party. I assumed it was a sympathy makeout session, since we had been playing "never have I ever. "
The next day she and I were hanging out with a group of friends when two random guys began talking to her and another girl in our group. At some point one of the guys asked if she had a boyfriend. She looked away from the guys, stared me directly in the eyes and said "no, I don't have a boyfriend."
At the time, my only thought was that was kind of weird
It took the rest of the summer for me to realize she was actually interested in me and wanted a more serious relationship.
We've been together for 11 years and married for 6... Just kidding - we never got together, because she was visiting for the summer and I didn't think long distance would work well. I saw her one time about two years later. She had started smoking and I had lost interest.
It can be a pleasant and exciting surprise to see a friend or family member show up on the evening news.
Particularly if it is a story showcasing their accomplishments or allowing them to let their voice be heard on an important issue.
Of course, showing up on the news isn't always a joyous occasion.
Indeed, some people tune in to find their friends and family on the news for reasons they might hope people will eventually forget down the line.
Redditor Miguenzo was eager to hear stories of a loved one making the evening news for less than brag-worthy stories, leading them to ask:
"What’s the dumbest reason somebody you know landed on the 6 o’clock news?"
15 Minutes, Or Four Seconds, Of Fame...
"Years back, there was a college scholarship scam going on here."
"These companies would go to high schools and do a presentation, and grift parents into paying a large sum for the company to help get a scholarship."
"My mom took one look at this and was like, 'this is a scam'."
"My uncle bought it hook, line and sinker and paid up."
"And received absolutely nothing."
"So he calls our news program and they do a feature with this company in their 'hall of shame.'"
"My uncle was absolutely THRILLED."
"'They interviewed me for 4 hours!'"
"'It's going to be huge!'"
"We all sit around the TV."
"It's February 2000."
"Boom, there's my uncle!"
"They do the lead-in..and then, there's my uncle saying..."
"'They said, uh, sue 'em'."
"My uncle is screaming."
"'What the Hell?! They were at my house for 4 hours!'"
"We still have it on VHS somewhere."
"My uncle's star moment over in seconds."- JKW1988
Episode 19 News GIF by The SimpsonsGiphyPreserved For Posterity...
"My college roommate got stuck in an infant swing at a public park and firefighters had to use some type of Jaws of Life contraption to cut the swing down and cut her out of it."- Nocomt
Oops!
"I know a guy who was interviewed on camera up in the mountains where there was a forest fire."
"He had been up there fishing with his girlfriend."
"He was married."- Fezig
Close Call
"Dude was swimming laps in a lake after dinner (i.e., around sunset)."
"Predictably, he got bit by an alligator."
"I saw him on the news, shirtless in true Floridaman fashion, with a little bandage over each tooth mark."
"The bandages made a dotted line around his shoulder and chest in the shape of an alligator's mouth, like he was in a cartoon or something."- BigRedRobotNinja
Tiere Bis Unters Dach Swimming GIF by SWR KindernetzGiphyUnpaid Extra
"There was a park nearby that had no drainage and was bowl shaped."
"So if it rained hard, this baseball park/ football field turned into a mini lake."
"It rained a lot one day and the news did a story just showing how much it rained, and in the background behind the news-woman, from out of frame you see my friend rowing past her in a kayak."- hook_killed_pan
Right Place At The Right Time?
"A fight broke out at a HS football game."
"Turned into a huge brouhaha.'
"They intervened this dumba** friend of mine on the local news, the only bit that made it into the broadcast was him saying 'For the first time in my life I was happy to see cops!'"- KneeDragr
Awww...
"Marrying their pet goldfish in an underwater ceremony, complete with a wedding gown and guests in scuba gear."- Candies-For-You
Illustration Swimming GIF by Ordinary NadeeGiphyStrike!
'A childhood friend’s dad embezzled money from the local Little League team."- Key-Zebra-4125
How Did He Even Make It To The Freezer?
"An ex boyfriend of my best friend’s sister ended up on the news for breaking into a Checkers through the drive through window and locking himself in the freezer until the cops arrived and arrested him."- pineapple3712·
Ice Cream Snack GIF by My/Mochi Ice CreamGiphySetting An Example...
"I got filmed and aired sticking a swab up my nose at drive thru covid testing."
"I had just declined to be interviewed at my car because I was afraid of getting someone sick."
"Test was negative, and my sister got a new pic for my contact profile on her phone."- idiotsavant419
Criminals Don't Ususally Wait In The Check Out Line...
"My friend was going to target with his mom to buy a tv."
"They stopped at Starbucks in the store."
"When the worker asked what the wanted he said “'he money in the register see' like an old timey gangster, then laughed ordered and payed for their coffee and went into target."
"While they were pushing their cart with a tv in it to the check out line the swat team surrounded them and arrested him for armed robbery.. was on the news."
"Got charged and everything."
"The first hearing the barista could not point him out and the judge threw out the case."- MACHOmanJITSU
Returning To The Scene Of The Crime...
"A guy from my high school stole Michael Jackson's glove from the Motown Museum in Detroit MI in early 90s."
"He returned it."
"I knew it had to be him, and yep, it was."
"I remembered him because he dressed like Michael Jackson every single day of school for years."
"He did it really well, too."
"He also didn't talk much."
"So, I was surprised to see him talking to a TV reporter about it."
"I hope he's doing well."- ATK80k
Animated GIFGiphySome people crave their 15 minutes of fame and embrace it however it may come.
Others only hope that no one they knew happened to be watching their local news that night...
Even though they know deep down that all their friends have it on their DVR and are never planning to erase it...
People say the darndest things after -- and sometimes during -- lovemaking.
Maybe it's the euphoria.
Maybe it's the adrenaline.
Maybe it's the tequila.
It's always good to have a kind-hearted joke on hand or a generic compliment.
Or maybe just grab your belongings and skedaddle.
Redditor ella-es-julia wanted to hear about the craziest pillow talk stories, so they asked:
"Men of Reddit: What's the weirdest thing a girl said to you after sex?"
The weirdest I ever got was... "What city am I in again?"
Geography matters.
Morbid Much?
In Bed Home GIFGiphy"Met girl, went on date, brought girl home, had the sex, finished the sex, laying there she says 'What would you do if I died right now?' and demanded an actual answer."
Vixxay
Meow
"Not to me, but as she walked over to the bathroom after the deed, she said 'I just did your owner' to my cat. Sexiest thing that ever happened to me."
shlanky369
"My Fiancé and I were about to start going at it when the cat appeared from under the bed and stared at me. I went, 'Babe the cat is here. I don't like how he's staring at my boobs."
"Fiancé grabbed the cat and yeeted him into the hallway with the phrase, 'Get out you weird pervert.'"
"The cat proceeded to (without his claws) smack the door over and over again while screaming for a few minutes straight. Pervert."
Trumpet6789
POP!
"'I need you to take me to the hospital. Something is now bleeding and hurts.'"
"Turns out her ovarian cyst popped. We're still together with the running joke of sex so good it put her in the ER."
DasBatt
"Ah ah ah, 2 hemorrhagic cysts ruptured, I was bleeding internally, but only a little bit. I'm still impressed by how quickly you went from a naked sex stupor to being ready and carrying me to the car. Good times."
"In the ER when they asked me what happened all I could do was shout 'we were f**kin!' through my tears. That memory still makes me laugh."
Straystar-626
Damn it's Good
"We were going at it for some time then her face went instantly from 'damn it's good' to full-on crying. I stop, ask her what's wrong and she tells me 'I can't cheat on my boyfriend, it is wrong.'"
"So this is when I learned that the girl that I met on a dating website and that I started seeing 3 weeks before and that she told me she was single had a boyfriend for over 5 years. Got her to talk more, and she told me she was on the dating website to see if there were guys better than her boyfriend so she could end up with someone better."
"This was like 20 years ago, a coworker I have right now knows her (his girlfriend is like a distant relative of hers) and I learned she had 5 different boyfriends since then, cheated on all of them except the last one (for now). She was also a cam model in secret, one of the boyfriends was a high-paying customer."
draftstone
A Binding Contract
"'Pleasure doing sex business with ya.' We then shook hands."
"Still together 5 years later!"
Tatarstan
It's nice when people who have great sex make great partners.
And it all starts with a handshake.
Sleep on It
“'I don’t usually say this but, yeah, you can stay.'"
lennyukdeejay
"Did you high-five after that? Seems like that statement called for it."
EvilNinjaX24
"This is the best one."
TomKhatacourtmayfind
Tiny Dancer
"Not really weird but I slept with this girl while backpacking Asia, she was also a backpacker. After a bit of chillin'/talking, I got up to get dressed, she looked at my flaccid manhood and said 'You're quite shy when you're not excited.' I thought it was hilarious."
fleetwoodsackk
"That's a much better way to put it. My wife, when we were just dating and had moved in together and eventually saw it flaccid just said 'Aww, it's so little.' Thanks, hun, exactly what every guy wants to hear."
striker180
Fine!
"She said 'If I get pregnant I'm keeping it.' I was dumbfounded and when I didn't respond quickly enough she got really agitated like I had hurt her feelings and yelled 'Fine! You don't have to be involved if you don't want to!'"
"We had just met that night. My condom use skyrocketed after that night."
Fullyme
"When I was a poverty-stricken college student I was banging a girl who said, 'If you get me pregnant I’ll take you for everything you own.' I said, 'All I own is my bicycle. You want that?'”
OrwellWasRight101
Amen
"Best weird compliment I ever got was 'Damn boy, you f**k like the Devil!'"
"I married her, we still goin' at it."
BeBearAwareOK
Well, these certainly created some lasting relationships... or hilarious tales to tell their friends.
Do you have any stories to share? Let us know in the comments below.
Reddit user callmejari asked:
"What's the weirdest compliment you have received?"
Zzzzz...
"Someone once told me that my voice was so soothing, it could put a crying baby sloth to sleep."
~ Marena-Cris-18
GiphyWhat About My Sneeze?
"'Your cough sounds nice' Was just a random girl on the train."
"Still throws me off 2 years later."
~ ThatGothDinosaur
GiphyHope It’s Not SpongeBob
"A 5-year-old kid told me he liked me because I looked like a cartoon."
~ Sea_Ganache620
Giphy
Unfulfilled Potential
"I have nice wide birthing hips."
"I'm a guy."
~ kudzufarmer
"You got the foundation for it, you're just missing the plumbing."
~ ARoundForEveryone
Giphy
Wrong Hemisphere, But Thanks
"When I was 16 working the drive thru—'You’re the prettiest Arabic girl I’ve ever seen'."
"I’m Mexican. But thank you ma’am."
~ 3sp00py5me
GiphyWas His Name Vlad?
"'You've got beautiful veins'."
"By the guy that injected my contrast before an MRI."
~ Reblax837
Werner Herzog Halloween GIF by Arrow VideoGiphyIt Keeps My Teeth In Place
"Some random NYC man told me I had a nice chin once. I still think about him."
~ pssht07070707
GiphyNever Skip Leg Day
"I was told by a woman walking behind me on stairs that I had great calves."
"It was kind of weird at the time."
~ Sider-Pride
Not The BBQ Ones
"'I like your ribs'."
"From random girl at a pool party during a music festival."
~ Particular-Natural12
GiphyCleaning Up On Aisle 5
"I delivered bread to grocery stores in the 90’s and when I decided to change routes, the young lady who had always checked me in told me she’d really miss the sound of my voice."
~ OGGBTFRND
GiphyBloody Offal
"One time I was at the doctor for some lower back pain getting an ultra sound and the tech looked me dead in the eye and said 'You have really nice kidneys. They're very plump.'"
"Best strange compliment I ever received."
~ FlashRage
A compliment is a compliment, right?
What's the weirdest compliment you've received?