To be a so-called "nice guy" is "to be timidly chivalrous in public and wholeheartedly misogynistic in private," as one Redditor noted after a fellow member of the online community asked the women to share stories about their experiences with the "nice guys" who've left a mark on their dating lives.
"Has anyone ever given a "nice guy" a chance after they've thrown a tantrum because you didn't let them treat you like a queen? And if you did, how did it work out?" –– This was today's burning question from Redditor targetgoldengoose, and the replies were illuminating.
"I finally allowed him..."
I finally allowed him to take me on a date to breakfast. Figured midday would be ideal to meet up in public.
I offended him immediately when I spoke to the waitress. I said, "We have two" when she asked how many we had. He insisted that she was asking him, not me, and I emasculated him in public. I laughed it off as a joke. I grew up with all brothers. Surely, he was trying to be funny.
We sat down. The waitress asked for our order. I gave her mine. He groaned and asked her to come back in a second. He told me proper protocol was for me to discuss what I wanted to eat with him, allow him to make the decision, and he was supposed to relay that to the waitress - not me!
I told him he was crazy and left. Blocked his number. Ghosted completely.
"It got to the point..."
I dated a "nice guy" for three years. First he did treat me like a queen. Put me up on a pedestal, flattered me, bought me things. He made me feel really good about myself and more confident.
Then, it changed because my confidence was a threat. The name calling started, fights over nothing, insane jealousy. He wore me down until I felt like nothing. I hadn't done anything sexual or even dated prior to meeting him. He threw a tantrum until I did all the things he wanted even if I was crying or saying no. He consistently expressed how he wished it was acceptable to hit me and let his mother berate and slap me.
It got to the point where he'd pick me up at 7am (I couldn't drive at the time), drop me off at his house, take my cell phone and leave me there until he got out of work. After making me quit my job and trying to get me to quit school, I realized I didn't want this to be my life every day. I was isolated from my friends and family, depressed, and expected to take care of his needs without anything in return. I finally got the confidence to break it off. Turns out he was cheating on me too. He threatened to kill me and any "guy he saw me with". Harassed and stalked me for years. He told everyone I was a whore and I left him because of his weight and how he was such a "nice guy" to me.
Oooh, finally my time to... shine? I guess? In high school I briefly dated a "nice guy" (complete with an actual fedora in 2000 before they were really a thing - thanks art school!) I had been in a really horrible, abusive relationship with a guy in his 20s just before, and in fairness my "nice guy" then-friend had been instrumental in helping me to realize how f*cked up our vibe was and helping me to leave an objectively horrible situation.
He then promptly swooped in and started pushing for romantic intimacy between us. He never actually declared feelings - he was never that straightforward about his own thoughts and desires - just talked about the way I deserved to be treated (like a queen, obvs) and made it clear he felt he was the only one who would give me that. Many of my friends were pushing for it as well - he was nice, afterall, and my previous boyfriends had been so objectively awful.
I felt a lot of obligation and kind of went along on autopilot. There was a lot of negotiation around anything sexual - "I treat you so well, don't you want to?" from him and "I know you want to treat me like a lady so you'll be okay to take it slow" from me. One of the hardest parts was that he clearly wasn't out to hurt me or to f*ck me. The sexual acts between us (we never slept together, but did other things that seemed like a huge deal to teenaged me) were only a demonstration - proof that I loved him. That was what he wanted. But I didn't, and I really thought that meant there was something wrong with me.
In the end, I only lasted about a month. He decorated my locker, brought flowers, and left notes for me taped to my desk in each of my classes to "celebrate" our one month anniversary. I was mortified. My math teacher caught a good look at my face (before I managed to plaster a smile back on) as I opened the note he had left in her class. She asked me to stay back after for what turned out to be one of the most important talks in my life (Mrs. Brown, just the best). I felt panicked, telling her over and over how happy and lucky I was. She kept asking questions until I burst into tears and it all just came out. I don't really remember what all she said, but I remember her saying "it's okay to be alone." She said it over and over, like Robin Williams going "it's not your fault" in Good Will Hunting.
And soon enough I was. I broke up with him - kindly but firmly, and about 5 different times before he accepted it. He cried. He got angry. Absurdly, insanely, his mom called my mom, who dropped the hammer on her in a way I haven't seen before or since. I took a ton of sh!t at school for "breaking his heart" and "ruining his life" but I felt so free that I didn't really mind. I dated around, but didn't have a "boyfriend" again until I was 21. It was, truly, okay (and important, and necessary) to be alone.
"I finally hit a pretty low point..."
I had a guy who would constantly ask me out or make really awkward advances for like a year +
I finally hit a pretty low point after coming out of a relationship and agreed to go out on a date. He seemed actually kind of nice and we ended up dating and lived together for a bit. It all turned sour though, when he realised that all his "cute punk girl" bullshit he had projected on to me wasn't who i am and I wasn't changing to what he wanted me to be, and then all of a sudden he was out with friends constantly and coming home drunk.
The morning he came home, around 6am, telling me he kissed another woman finally woke me up and i left him.
He would still send me messages for months after we broke up, not acknowledging my replies saying i have a boyfriend and it's inappropriate to say these things..
Even now if i unblock him from social media I'll get a message within a few days saying things like:
"Hey, still beautiful i see" or "Hey cutie/sweetie" etc etc and he gets blocked again.. ugh.
Met a guy online and he seemed really nice. He was a tad pushy about meeting up but I ignored that little feeling. We met up shortly after for a quick date (I think we got coffee) and chatted. It was instant chemistry, he had 2 sons and i have 2 kids, both open to blended families, goal oriented, smart, easy conversation. We decided to go out again the next night, really nice date and he was a complete gentleman. He mentioned on the date we'd have to get the kids together to see if they like each other. I laughed it off, like "yeah maybe down the road, we just met" and continued the date. Two days later, during our texting I casually mentioned I was going to take my kids on a nature walk and I'd text him when I was back. He shows up with his kids.
Now, I dont have it in me to be mean to children so I played nice and introduced myself (they were around 5 and 7, and very sweet boys) but inside I was creeped the f*ck out. After we parted ways I called him and told him that was not cool AT ALL. Of course, he played victim and hurt until i said i was uncomfortable with what he did.. then it was "I'm just trying to love you and your kids", "how can we be together if they dont meet" and "you should appreciate a man trying with a woman with 2 kids"... as if he didnt have 2 his damn self. He sent angry messages for about a week, I never would respond and he went away.
To clarify, this all happened in a 2 week span. From start to finish.
"He seemed nice and was happy..."
I dated one for 2 years. He seemed nice and was happy when I first started dating him cause girls "didn't give him a chance due to his looks'. He was very needy and always demanded we do what he wanted. I missed out on a lot of things, including missing out going to see Phantom of the Opera with his mom, because he didn't want to go and would get sick at the last minute.
When I lost my virginity to him, he didn't realize he wasn't ready for something like that till after we had sex. About a year and a half into our relationship he got religious. So then, whenever we had sex, he would want is to pray for forgiveness afterwards. But if I refused sex, I was a cold b!tch.
I actually left him for a female partner, (I am bi) and that's when I realized that it was a super unhealthy relationship.
"He didn't throw a tantrum..."
He didn't throw a tantrum but other people convinced me that I need to start giving the nice guys a chance. I didn't really find him attractive but he was really nice to me so I was just like okay fine... And then on to two years of a toxic abuse relationship. Where he was always right, always belittling me, always reminding me that anytimeI felt uncomfortable with something or upset about something, it wasn't because he was doing something wrong, it was because I had an abusive childhood and I just didn't understand what real relationships were like.... I went to bed crying every night. I remember he never wanted to have sex expect.... The only times he wanted to have sex was after he broke me down and I cried myself to sleep then he'd come to bed saying "I just love you so much. You're so amazing. The best." I felt so unloved and desperate for affection I'd have sex with him but feel so empty and alone afterwards. It wasn't until I was free of that relationship I realized how fucked up it was.... I'm still trying to forgive myself for allowing myself to be in that situation for so long.
I'm so happy I escaped.
"If I was out with friends..."
Yes. The tantrums continued throughout the relationship. He was very controlling. If I was out with friends he would be upset that I was having fun without him. He ended up cheating on me and dumping me only to beg me back. He semi staked me for a couple of years. Had an online blog about what I did each day and tried to befriend my exes.
"It got so bad..."
Dated a guy for a few months. From the beginning though, he was just embarrassing. We had mutual friends, and he would spend full outings, parties, weekend trips voicing his disbelief that I would date him. Telling people how lucky he was in a self deprecating way that was gross, that he has "won the lotto" and I was "out of his league", no matter how many times I asked him to quit it as he did it every single time we were in public.
It got so bad that his best friend actually snapped and told him in the middle of a self deprecating rant how embarrassing it was and to look at how uncomfortable he was making me. That started a huge argument about "but she's a queen, I'm just treating her like one!". When I had the audacity to agree with his best friend, full cry melt down. In front of everyone. To the point where people left a paid wknd early because he made everyone so uncomfortable.
Broke up with him that wknd, the break up lasted for hours with me begging him to gtfo of my house while he cried and cried and cried about how he treats me so well, how could I do this to him. Then it turned to rage. Had to block him on everything when I started dating someone months later, a lot of friends blocked him as well when they found out he was stalking me (parking outside my home for hours, etc).
I was naive. And dumb. Looking back, I wish I had been aware enough to recognize emotional manipulation. If you're dating someone and they act like you're doing them a favour, don't date that person.
Do you have something to confess to George? Text "Secrets" or "" to +1 (310) 299-9390 to talk to him about it.
The Mandela effect is when multiple people share the same, incorrect memory.
Its name stems from when paranormal researcher Fiona Broome falsely believed that the future president of South Africa, Nelson Mandela, died in prison in the 1980s.
A false memory she shared with a number of others.
Our memories have been known to deceive us, as we might frequently forget someone's name or one of our numerous online passwords.
But when we share a memory that turns out to be false with many others, convincing ourselves it wasn't the truth can be a very difficult ordeal indeed.
Redditor Mysterious_Boat_1701 was curious to hear people's most unsettling experiences with the Mandela Effect, leading them to ask:
"Which Mandela effect freaks you out the most and why?"
A mysterious gym
"Just had one personally."
"Went to a mall where there was supposedly a gym, asked around and nobody that worked at the mall knew what I was talking about."
"Looked around and couldn't find it."
"Come back a few months later and it’s right there in front of my face, you'd have to be strung out to not notice it."
"idk how or when it just appeared but it freaked me out."- prex320278
A "fruit"ful logo.
"That the fruit of the loom logo never had a cornucopia."
"What’s crazy about that one is that someone emailed the creator of the logo about it and he said even he remembers it having one."- mrcock2·
Less well intentioned than they thought.
"I Mandela effected my whole family once."
"Years ago there was a football player on a rival team that always did a dumb celebration after he got a sack and my family and I always hated it."
"One night after he did it my family started trashing the celebration and I said as a joke 'we are all going to feel terrible when we find out he is doing that celebration as a request from a make-a-wish kid'."
"Fast forward to years later and our team is playing that team again."
"The player got a sack and did the celebration."
"I rolled my eyes and said 'I hate that celebration so much' my mom instantly turned and said 'don't say that, he is doing it for a sick kid'."
"'I actually like it."
"So I was like 'what?'"
"'No there is no sick kid', my whole family then proceeded to argue with me'."
"They all vividly remembered reading articles about it, seeing special report segments before games about it, and other information."
"Some of them even thought they knew the disease the kid had and even extra details about why the kid chose that specific celebration."
"They all had these shared memories that they were sure were true."
"I was floored by all this and insisted none of that was true."
"So we looked it up.'
'No kid like that ever existed.'
"They still have trouble wrapping their heads around this one."
"Turned out human memory is not near as reliable as we think"
"It was American Football and the player was Jared Allen of the Minnesota Vikings and his cattle roping sack celebration."
"This was maybe 10 years ago."- AUSpartan37College Football Win GIF by Michigan State FootballGiphy
His eyesight was better than we thought.
"Mr. Monopoly's monocle."- Additional_Day9903
It's not easy being green.
"I have a personal one that to this day a decade later still destroys my mind."
"I had an old(ish) 2001 dodge neon."
"With BLACK SEATS.'
"I drove this car for years and years, like 80,000 miles.'
'All through college."
"I took work breaks in my car, commuted hours every day total, to college and then the opposite direction to work and back."
"I even lived out of this thing on several occasions.'
'The day I go and trade it in, I'm pulling misc things out of the car at the dealer."
'And the seats are GREEN."
"Not even a little."
'Like very unmistakably GREEN."
"In my black Neon, with black interior, that ALWAYS HAD BLACK SEATS."
"My girlfriend then, wife now, goes oh they've always been green."
"EXCEPT THEY F*CKING WEREN'T DON'T LIE TO ME."
"This is still upsetting to this day..... life is a lie and nothing is real."- ZakuLegionWinona Ryder Omg GIFGiphy
An urban legend was born.
"Not a global one, just a family thing."
"Back in 2002 my grandma had her 60th birthday, my father took us home at 10.00pm, ready for bed."
"We, me and brother, were 12 and 14 at this time."
'All went well."
"Over the years, a story was made up that we went missing after visiting the local playground after dinner at said grandma's birthday party."
"Some neighbors help to search us, the whole train of 'missing children in a smal village'-thing."
"Fun fact: we never went missing."
"Dad brought us home, put on 'Toy Story' on tv and left."
"My brother and I heard first about this in 2015.'
"From different people on different occasions."
"'Ah your one of the missing boys'."
"I first thought they were mocking me for a different event.'
"I got lost, but it was 2013, alcohol inflicted, different story."
"But then they ALL tell us the same story about us going missing."
'And the stories are damn close to 'true' in every story my mum is driving around the same neighbors to different locations to search, old wine yard, old mill etc."
"Sometimes I think I got lost on the most brutal way."
"I was lost and changed this plane of existence with another one."
"It sometimes made me think about my whole life."- tjorben123missing kenny mccormick GIF by South Park Giphy
Memories are a fascinating thing.
They can be changed or altered with even the tiniest suggestion.
And making the truth seem less believable than lies.
One last time. One last meal.
How do you chose a last meal?
Let's hope we never have to find out.
People on death row get that option.
Do they deserve it?
Whose to say?
But they have it.
A steak. A pizza... Burger King.
The food world is their oyster.
Oyster. Also an option.
The menu is endless...
Redditor No-Caterpillar4212 wanted to know what our menu choices would be if we faced the end. They asked:
"You're on a death row, you have one hour left, they ask for your final meal - what is it?"
I'd want 2 hours in a Golden Coral with a bar. Covers it all.
Masailor moon cooking GIFGiphy
"Everything my mom has ever made."
"I want a nice filet mignon, medium rare, a baked potato with everything on it, and a nice Cabernet from a good year - I'm thinking 2135."
"'Sorry, we couldn't get the Cabernet from 2135. So instead of what could have been a great wine request from a more plausible period of time, you get this crappy stuff we sourced from Wal-Mart. Enjoy your meal, I hope that maintaining your sense of humor was worth it."'
"Something badly cooked so I will be sick and want to die sooner and have diarrhea so bad it will be a last revenge!"
"Taco bell it is!"
"If Taco Bell makes you poop a lot, it's a sign that you probably need more fiber in your diet."
The Yuck Factor
"A huge bowl of baked beans, a bowl of shredded wheat, a six egg omelette, and a gallon of apple cider. I'm gonna make it awful for everyone."
"Save yourself the hassle of eating all that, just ask for one pack of sugar free Haribo gummy bears. Should make for an interesting time for the folks watching you die."
"You void your bowels when you die too so that should be lovely."
PerfectFried Chicken Scandal GIF by ABC NetworkGiphy
"Fried chicken with some Fanta."
Fried chicken is on the top of everyone's list!
DetailsInterested GIF by Nick CannonGiphy
"150mg of MDMA. I’m dying happy."
"This should absolutely be allowed. If our leaders insist on the practice of capital punishment then the condemned should be able to ingest any substance they damn please."
"McFlurry. Those machine are always broken. I just bought myself some time."
"Is this like an American thing? I worked at a McDonald's in Denmark once and our machine was never once broken when i was there."
"I saw a video about this once. I'm a little fuzzy on the details but I think it has something to do with the contract that was signed in America. Only one company is allowed to do maintenance on the machines and they basically lock out if it's cleaned incorrectly. It's a crap system."
"Cabbage!! Add some cabbage. I don’t know if an hour if enough to take effect but there was an old coworker on a cabbage diet. Omg she smelled, like it was coming out of her pores. She knew she smelled and kept apologizing and reminding us of the diet."
The OG Always
"Olive Garden. Unlimited soup and breadsticks."
"I saw a sketch once, can't remember who it 2qs from. But a an inmate ordered the all you can eat buffet and had been eating for like 8 years. He's constantly on the toilet and takes micro-naps between bites."
"Unlimited for 1 hour. Cool."
How GoldenGolden Girls Dorothy GIF by HULUGiphy
"If my grandma is still alive her potato soup and cheesecake. Hopefully I'd be able to cook said meal with her one last time."
Let's hope none of us has to make this decision.
Most people have friends they've been close to for most of their lives.
But at the same time, friends evolve, and everyone finds themselves losing touch with any number of people they at one point considered their friends over time.
Most of the time, this isn't intentional, but just simply happens.
On rare occasions though, people might realize that their friends were not exactly who they thought they were, and didn't like who they revealed themselves to be.
Redditor One-Refrigerator69 was curious to hear stories of people who realized their friends were not exactly the nicest people to be around, leading them to ask:
"When was the moment you realized that your friends are assholes?"
Compared to others...
"When I started hanging out with better people."- Darklink326
All it took was getting my life together
"When I quit drinking ‘cos it was killing me."
"There were people I literally saw every single day who just disappeared as if by magic."
"12 years ago this week, as it happens."
"I’m not anti-drink, far from it."
"Some people, me included, just can’t enjoy it without it becoming a problem."
"Everyone is different."- bigdaftgeordie
A little perspective goes a long way.
"After I realized that other people don't sh*t on each other on every possible occasion in their circle."
"And that it isn't right when a 'friend' uses every known insecurity as an argument against you when you do not behave the way he/she would want you to."- ViscousPlatemanThe Simpsons GIF by MOODMANGiphy
Lack of respect for other people's things
"I let my friend borrow my ps2 when I went to boot camp."
"When I came back, he said he sold it and gave me $50 I think?"
"This was in 2006."- madmike-86
Lack of mutual respect
"When he does sh*t to me and acts like it’s no big deal, then I do the same back and he gets offended."- Primary-Maybe-2749·
Constantly being taken advantage of.
"They only bothered with me when it suited them."
"I'd rather have nobody than have to deal with that."- zombi33mjhappy eric cartman GIF by South Park Giphy
When they literally revealed themselves to be criminals
"When they robbed me at gunpoint."- Ok_Student8032
When they stopped liking them after a change of situation
"Fourth grade, when my parents economical situation went downhill and suddenly no one invited me to their birthday party."
"Until Seven years later no one had never invited me to their birthday, or to anything at all actually."- Justalittletoserious
Not being able to get a word in...
"When they tell me to shut up when I say anything."- the_golden_cheesela respuesta GIF by Becky GGiphy
Violently playing with emotions
"She got a boyfriend and would let him listen to our phone calls and not tell me, even if I was crying about personal stuff that I would only ever tell her."
"Then they both started lying to me about my crush liking me back, forcing both him and me into awkward positions, telling everyone we liked each other so they'd play along, swapping places constantly to make us sit next to each other, pressuring him into giving me a lap dance, making him kiss the prettiest girl in the room, etc, and encouraged me to shoot my shot more and more."
"All the while they knew he didn't like me, he had told them both directly."
"One night I was crying on the phone cause I was so confused why my advances weren't working, and they just kept explaining it away, blaming some other bullsh*t reason and telling me to try again."
"The next day they told me they were laughing throughout the whole call, because I didn't get it and I was so upset."
"I should add I had no dating experience at all and nobody had ever liked me at this point."- Juliemj
It's always sad when our friends disappoint us.
But when our friends proved to be completely different people than we thought they were, it can be devastating.
As the saying goes, one never truly knows who their friends are.
When visiting any foreign country, one should always be familiar with the laws and customs of the land.
After all, what might be generally accepted on your home turf, might be frowned upon, if not illegal, elsewhere.
For that matter, even locals might need a refresher course on what they can and can't do while at home.
A recent Redditor was curious to hear what tourists and locals alike should avoid doing in the USA, leading them to ask:
"In the United States, what should you never do?"
Stay out of the skies!
"Don't fly a drone in Washington, DC."
"The whole D.C. Area is a no fly zone."
"It's a federal offense."
"Just don't do it."- PeytonCarrK
Cops can't be bribed.
"Don't try to bribe cops when you get pulled over."
"I had some Argentinian friends immediately pull out their wallets and start pooling their cash when they got pulled over once.'
"Fortunately someone in the car noticed and told them to put it away immediately."- PeytonCarrK
"Don't pay off the police."
"My dad has friends from several third-world nations where it is common practice to give the police some cash when you are pulled over."
"However, if you try to bribe a police officer here, you'll get into a lot of trouble."- JohnASmiley
Know your rights.
"Everyone, including foreigners, has the right to be silent and have a lawyer when being questioned."
"Don’t say anything."
"Also, even if you speak English fairly well, ask for an interpreter."- WickedLilThing
Enjoy all that nature has to offer... carefully!
"Don't wander off in the national parks."
"It's very real wilderness and you can get lost and die out there."
"This includes going over railings you aren't supposed to, or off trails."
"People have died accidentally falling into a steam geyser that looked like normal water, mauled by animals or left to the elements."- AlphaOhmeganational parks GIF by Visit The USAGiphy
Allow plenty of time!
"Expect consistency at TSA in airports."- WickedLilThing
Some terminology doesn't translate...
"If you’re from England, they’re called cigarettes here."- Yung_Onions
Make sure your license is up to date.
"If you come from a walkable country don’t come here expecting the same."
"There are some areas with good public transportation and bicycle/pedestrian friendly streets but for the most part, especially outside of cities, the areas are designed to accommodate cars more than anything else."
"The reason a lot of Americans drive everywhere is because, depending on where you live, we have no choice."- The_Cars93Dog Driving GIFGiphy
Wait for instructions.
"Get out of your car and approach the cop when being stopped by a cop unless told to."- hildrash
Whether your'e waling down a street in a foreign country, or the street you've lived on for your entire life, it's always wise to be on guard and aware of your surroundings.
Not to mention, obey the law.