20-Something Women Who Have Never Been In A Relationship Share Their Stories


Relationships are seen as a hallmark of life. A rite of passage.

But the multiple relationship thing isn't for everybody. Some people would really rather wait until they feel 100% confident in themselves and in their chosen partner.

u/tissuesushi asked:

Late 20s+ ladies who have never been in a relationship, what's your story?

Here were some of those answers.

Not In Alignment

I come from a rigid family and dating has always been off. Growing up I used to daydream about it but between family and also not ruining my future, I just avoided anything. Years passed and now I am in my mid twenties. I am exploring a bit online dating but it's so exhausting. I think also my lack of social skills or maybe my looks have contributed in my singleness. Lol.


No More Waiting

I spent a lot of my life waiting to be asked out. I finally found one I really wanted, so I ovaried up and asked him out. We're still together and I love him to pieces.


Excuses Excuses

24, never been in a relationship. I like to come up with excuses:

  1. I went to an all girls school back when I thought I was straight
  2. Uni was taking up all my time (never mind that there were plenty others in my course who were forming relationships)
  3. My inability to flirt came from not doing so during high school because I didn't yet realise I liked flirting with both guys and gals

Then I realised that my excuses were daft, and it's mostly just an annoying mix of anxiety, high standards, and being completely oblivious as to when someone like me. Or as my dad put is, I'm a "late bloomer".



This Is What Was Needed All Along

I was single until I was 27. I really wanted a relationship but seemed to only attract and be attracted to men who were emotionally unavailable, never wanted to commit, and would just kind of use me. This went on for a miserable decade before I started to get in touch with why I was only attracted to men like that. It seriously messed me up to continue that pattern for so long. I'm married now and my husband is not the kind of guy I would have been into before, but this is so much better, being with someone I know is committed.


Lack Of Energy

I am shy around people when I like them. When I like someone, they don't return my feelings because I'm a quiet awkward goof around them.

Also, I never actively try to date by using dating apps, going out to the bars, etc... I have been in college/graduate school all of my 20s; so by the time I get done at my office, I'm too tired to try and look for a relationship.

ALSO, my family is nuts, and I'm constantly putting out fires with them while dealing with school. So again... I lack time and energy to go and look for a relationship.

I've resigned myself to being alone because I don't think I'm meant to find anyone. I'm not saying that to sound pitying because I've never wanted to get married. Overall, I'm a happy person with a good life. I'm just a single person, which is okay.


Society Got Me This Time

So I have always been extremely introverted, and I've been depressed since I was about 13, so I rarely went out or interacted with people. I didnt want to date cause I was self conscious about being a virgin when I was old by society's standards so I actually didn't start dating till I was 28.


I'm Havin A Me Party

I would like a relationship, but I'm also content on my own. This means I'll try dating but if someone isn't pretty much perfect I don't feel like I need to keep dating them. Obviously that's a pretty high bar so I haven't had a boyfriend for 8 years now.

I think more people should have this mentality... being single is a fine way to live. Plus if we stop letting mediocre partners in easily people in general may become better partners - is that a daft theory? Haha

That being said, for the first time as an adult I'm currently actually "seeing" someone. Too early to label yet but who knows?! I'm cautiously optimistic.


Trust Distance

I have a hard time trusting people and seem to only develop physical attraction once I get to know someone (aka, it requires more than five dates before I'm actually comfortable with being intimate; and even then, just kissing and maybe hand holding. Sex probably wouldn't even be on the table till one year has passed). So, yeah, most people aren't down for that so no relationship for me!



Untreated mental illness in my teens and early 20's, plus lots of insecurity I'm still working on.

While I would like a relationship and I do get bouts of depression about it, I'm trying to focus on enjoying myself and the process of letting go of control. I appreciate the fact that by being single for so long I was able to grow my own interests and hobbies outside someone else.

But yeah it does suck to feel like you will be forever alone :/


The Other Goals

The first thing on my mind was, and is always going to be on my career. I'm also really comfortable and happy being independent and on my own right now. I am honestly little afraid of having to sacrifice even a little of my freedom to have a relationship.

I also never felt any outside pressure from my friends or family to start a relationship or the expectation that I absolutely need to have kids, which I am extremely thankful for. It was always far more important to have a good education and a good career.

The other side of the story is that I unfortunately don't trust men fully to step up as equal partners: so far in nearly all relationships that I have seen around me, a woman always sacrifices and does more than a man. Whether it is household duties, child care, or even planning their partner's doctor appointment, etc. And I live in a country which sees itself as very progressive. It would honestly drive me nuts. Perhaps in the future I'll try online dating and see where it goes.


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