Some things are literally impossible to explain. Sometimes there's no comparable word or a cultural barrier is in play. Sometimes there's no comparable body part.
Sometimes there's no comparable societal expectation or idea.
Yeah, if you haven't guessed by now, we're talking about the kinds of things that border on impossible for women to explain to men and have them gain a full understanding of it.
Things started with a simple question on Reddit:
And yeah, you're going to get some talk about periods - that's the obvious. But you might be shocked and maybe even a little enlightened to read where things go from there.
Starting With The ObviousGiphy
The feeling of your uterus shedding it's skin inside of you.
Best description I can give is to imagine something living inside of you, just between your genetalia and belly button, that is carving into you with a knife. Then also, you get bloated, you get acne, you get super emotional, and you still have to go to work.
Can we talk about tryna poop during all this???
When we say something feels good that means don't freaking change it. Don't go faster, don't try to add more, just keep it at the same.
As a dude, even if we understand it, we suddenly become hyperaware of everything we're doing so something gets messed up because we overthink it.
Unsolicited peen pics aren't a turn on.
I don't think most women admire them as much as men admire breasts. It's just not an attractive part of a male (not for me, anyway). They're very useful, but I'd rather see his face, his muscles, his legs, his butt...
But solicited ones are great, my husband has sent me one when he's been upstairs at home and I'm downstairs. Let's me know what's up (pun intended).
I used to think the whole unsolicited pic thing was hugely exaggerated because I couldn't imagine anyone I knew sending one and had never heard of anyone I know sending one.
Then one day I was talking to my younger sister about it, and we'd had a few drinks so she decided to name and shame some people who had sent her some. Some of whom I knew from back in school and was extremely surprised about.
Then it hit my that guys don't tell other guys that they send girls unsolicited dick pic cause it's embarrassing. But they're everywhere.
Messed Up Emotional Upbringings
- A lot of us have been raised to do most of the emotional labor around the house, which includes being privy to escalating situations by noticing even the most seemingly insignificant changes in people. This is part of why what men regard as "hints" that they never catch are very obvious signs to women. Also why a lot of us think our bfs are mad at us when they suddenly go quiet :/ at least that's how it was in my household...quiet usually meant someone was about to pop off.
- "Why do women say they're fine when they're not?" Because a lot of us have been raised to keep our needs to ourselves and to not be "needy" or "a nag".
Neither of the above are excuses for the situations that arise...just possible explanations...I really enjoy reading the threads like this that ask men for their input. Both of us are victims of messed up emotional upbringings.
Not How It Works
Having sex with numerous people doesn't loosen a damn vagina! And somehow a lot of men don't understand this
"So how many women have you been with?"
"Wow. Guess your manhood must be pretty bendy and limp by now, huh?"
The feeling of being always scared.
Scared at night
Scared in a 1-1 meeting with a male college who is angry
Scared of standing up against sexual harassment
Scared of being called a liar if you call somebody out on there sh!t or being told "it was just a joke"
Scared with tradies in your house when you're alone
Scared of the guy on the bus talking to you while staring at anything but your face
Scared on being in a taxi or Uber alone
Just the general feeling that it's never safe. I live in a safe suburb in a relatively safe city in a relatively safe country. Yet we are always on high alert.
Advice from early childhood into adulthood: Walk with a friend. Tell somebody where you are going. Carry your keys in between your fingers. Etc.
And that constant fear is so normalized, most of us don't recognize it as fear. Because we're taught that mature, responsible, smart women always fear for their safety. So there's almost a weird sense of security in that constant fear.
Oh, and also reminding other women to be afraid means you care, not that you're an alarmist psycho.
That we're just people, like you. We're not mysterious, soft creatures. We're not an endless fountain of emotional nurturing, in fact, many of us are just as bad at expressing our emotions or comforting people as you are.
We have hopes, dreams, interests, strengths and weaknesses. We don't all cry. We don't necessarily give a sh!t about clothes, or makeup, or decorating, or child-rearing. We aren't a monolith and we aren't all alike, we vary as individuals just like you.
We too sit around doing or thinking about dumb stuff. Yes, as a kid I also built weapons out of sticks, or tried to mix household chemicals together to make them explode, or all manner of things we only attribute to boys.
If you ask me what I'm thinking, there's a good chance it's some inane random bullshit about who would beat who in a fight, or what superpower I would hate to have.
We're just like you, in many ways.
Manage Your Life
We have absolutely zero desire to clean up after you or babysit your life like you're a toddler. You're grown. Clean up your crap. Manage your life. Pull your weight. Quit bitching about how much work it all is, and how it keeps you from doing the things you'd rather spend your time on—we know because we're fucking doing your share of it, and it's wasting OUR time that we would rather spend on other things.
This, plus, don't say "I'll help, just tell me what needs to be done."
You're grown. We shouldn't have to tell you to pull your weight around the house or manage your chores as if you're a child.
What it's like for your body to betray you constantly. It's hard to explain how my body doesn't feel like mine anymore but it bleeds and hurts and makes me emotional against my will. When I first learned this would be my reality for my entire adult life I felt a deep devastation and betrayal, which is a feeling I don't think most men have felt.
Being seen as attractive does not necessarily raise your sense of self-worth. It's an odd contradiction, as we're implicitly told to look attractive from a young age. So you'd think achieving that goal would make you very happy. And in ads beautiful people all live happy lives.
But to be looked at like a f*ckable object doesn't make me feel good about myself. I even tried posting on r/gonewild to see if it was just the public aspect of people staring, and felt just a slight feeling of shame from the well-intentioned comments. The way you look on the outside changes nothing about how you feel about yourself.
In fact, being regularly perceived as on the attractive side earns a lot of cold shoulders, dismissive attitudes, instant disapproval and snap-judgments by men and women alike. Over the years I've surmised it to be some form of "It's my turn to show this girl that looks don't get you everything."
Except it's multiple people, everywhere I go, my whole life. I'm afraid of women and have no girl friends. Men constantly ask me if I'm good at math. I can't look people in the eyes anymore.
The Name Game
Why I don't want to take someone else's name. My names MINE I like it and I want to keep it
This was something my ex husband could not wrap his head around, he took it as a personal insult when I double barrelled my name instead of just taking his, and when I suggested he also double barrell his name he openly laughed in my face.
That's The Point
You saying that you feel uncomfortable when we try and tell you about harassment that we've experienced is kinda of the point. We're uncomfortable too, and scared.
I've tried to tell a few of my guy friends about stuff that's happened to me and they've all asked me to end the conversation because it made them feel sick. They're good friends, they just can't handle it, and neither can the majority of others I've mentioned it to.
Meat CurtainsSome women are self conscious about the appearance of their genitals. Hearing men joke about "meat curtains" and making fun of it is crushing. I once had a guy in my friend group after saying how he could never sleep with a girl with large labia minora because they're ugly try to get me in bed. That was a hard turn down and he didn't know why. My vulva isn't pretty and tucked in like many women's are, and only after I hit the age of 25 did I realize that most people don't care. Maybe it is the people I chose to be in my life but I have never sat around with girls talking about small dicks or foreskin and how they're gross. Never once heard a small dick joke beyond a male making it. Why ruin your chances with 50% of women by telling them (inadvertently) that their genitals are gross? It hurts us too.
Good, But Not THAT Good
My two male roommates genuinely believe that penetration from the penis is one of the most godly, nut-worthy feelings on earth and they're always mad they won't be able to feel it but boy... are they wrong.
I'm not mad and stop telling me to calm the fuck down. Just because I express my self in a very straight forward, no nonsense way, does not mean I'm angry or mad. It just means that I'm not afraid to voice my opinions and thoughts and I couldn't care less if you judge me for what I have to say.
The amount of times I've been told to "calm down" or "why you acting so crazy" or "you don't need to be rude" is endless and honestly I'd be a fcking millionaire if I got paid a dollar every time a man said those things to me.
When I'm mad, I'll let you know and if you cannot handle me being blunt and honest to you, please don't get pissed off and start calling me names, or else I'll be forced to ask "maybe you need to calm down?"
The concept of emotional labor.
It's so hard to explain that I spend 3+ hours a day thinking about all the other moving parts in our lives, while my boyfriend is "stressed about work." Especially when I'm also the breadwinner in the relationship and the one in a much more senior position despite being a couple years younger.
And yet, he can't understand, that sometimes I just want him to do the laundry without me having to ask. He thinks I "should just ask" the asking is part of the labor.
That I have all sorts of different trains of thought choo-chooing through my mind at all times. My brain is a web browser with too many tabs open and I can't just close them. I must continually cycle through them until they are settled. Telling me to stop worrying about things will not magically stop the cycle.
Want, Not Need
Just because I don't act like I need you, doesn't mean I don't want you. I'm independent and my man communicated when we first got together that he felt a bit insecure because I didn't "need" him around.
We talked extensively, and I basically explained that because I had been single for so long, no, technically I didn't need him. At least not in the physical sense. I'd been doing everything myself for YEARS and I was just used to it. But I did need him emotionally, and more importantly, I WANTED him. And IMO, being wanted is so much better. What happens when someone who needs you, suddenly stops needing you? Then you have no further value to them. I crave him on every level, from friendship, to emotional, to physical. My body just naturally gravitates toward him.
Granted my man had some self-esteem issues from previous relationships, and we've been working together on that, but I've made more of an effort to ask for his help when something I need to do is difficult. I COULD do it, but I know he would appreciate me asking him for help.
A good chunk of humanity have a hard time hearing certain truths. We don't want to admit what isn't working, because it's just human nature to be scared of being wrong. It's hard to admit weakness individually, much less as a whole.
But eventually, we need to face the facts, and these Redditors are ready to deliver the harsh truths about what it means to be human. SomeWillingness2960 asked:
What is the truth humanity is not ready to hear?
Let’s start with a few of the light ones, before we dive deep in what we’ve been overdue to hear.
Starting off with a very controversial one.
“The air in chip bags is important.”
“They replace the air (which contains oxygen and water vapour) with nitrogen so the chips don't get soggy or oxidise.”
“And they "over inflate" the bags on purpose to cushion the chips from crumbling during packing / transport.”
A universal work struggle.season 8 episode 23 GIFGiphy
“No matter where you work, or what you do for a living, there will always be That Person that nobody can figure out how they got hired, never mind why they are allowed to continue working there.”
- You actually show up on time
- Your work is
good/up to standardis not the worst and passable
- Your colleagues and bosses
like youdon't hate you the most out of your colleagues
Edit. Adding 4 and 5 based on below discussions which can supercede the above 3 while also ammending the above three slightly
4. It's more difficult to kick you out than to keep you
5. You have some control over those in charge (some kind of relation, having some kind of incriminating evidence, etc)”
What is “normal”, anyway?
“We will never have a good sense of the world's "normal."
News won't focus on it, because it's boring by definition. Social media won't focus on it for the same reason. Word of mouth and fiction too. Statistics may get us close, but they're hard to picture in terms if human experience, and of course, more exciting stats get repeated more.
Our view of the world outside of our own personal experience will always be shaped by the outliers, and there's not much way around it.”
Ok, now it’s time to dive deeper. Prepare yourselves.
This one hurts.
“Most people simply don't care about the things you're passionate about no matter how much you try to convince them that they should be.”
“As I've gotten older I've had to learn that my friends don't find joy in the same things I do. It's nothing personal.”
I’ll never understand this.Mermaid Man And Barnacle Boy Superhero GIF by SpongeBob SquarePantsGiphy
“Much evil not only goes unpunished but is rewarded.”
“Not only that but a lot of evil behaviour is rewarding itself for many people.”
“The loudest among you are mostly a bunch of wankers. Unfortunately you usually let them lead you.”
“A big part of that is because they tell us what we want to hear.
You ever hear a politician go "We're going to have open borders, lower corporate tax rate, higher sales tax, reduced prison sentences, laws forbidding employers from looking into if they're hiring a criminal, a ban on beef, and we're doing it all because that is what the experts say we should do and I have a giant book of sources on that"? No, because even though that's very much what experts advise, it's not at all what people want to hear.
So instead, when you hear someone going "Don't listen to that guy, what we really need is better border control, huge taxes on corporations, no taxes on the poor, criminals get treated like the scum they are, and corporations are the main ones behind climate change, and don't ask me for sources", you're still much more likely to support him. Because when you want to believe them, they're so much easier to believe.”
Those would be some very smart monkeys.
“There's a good chance that humans simply don't have the capacity to fully understand the universe.
A monkey will never be able to comprehend calculus, macroeconomic theory, or how a car works. It makes sense that we too have an intellectual ceiling that will prevent us from ever understanding how the universe works.”
Ready to face the music? Keep reading.
“Humanity is the largest threat to itself. Not some natural disaster or outside invasion. We will kill ourselves off at this rate.”
“Yes. It's sad that the most successful and intelligent species in the solar system is most likely going to cause its own downfall.”
“For most people the last thing left of them will be an eroded name on a headstone.”
“I want to be one of those taxidermied drones.”
Username checks out.
“Are you special? Maybe a little bit. Are you as special as you think you are? Certainly not.”
“We are all the same decaying organic matter.”
Well, I hope y’all aren’t too messed up from reading that. Especially that first one about the chip bags. How dare they.
But in all seriousness, just do your part to make our world a better place. That’s all we can do.
An overwhelming majority of us have plenty of things we are annoyed by every single day, and also lack the power to doing anything about them.
That unfortunate, infuriating state is just the norm. We walk through life seeing, hearing, and enduring daily pitfalls whose existences make zero sense to us.
But if we did have the power to outlaw just one of those annoyances, how hard of a choice would that be?
Apparently for some Redditors, the choice was clear. They were happy to share their selection.
Redditor jinxy_wolfy asked:
"What would you ban?"
Many people have absolutely had it with the annoying aspects of using the internet every day.
"That damn fake 'x' button to close out mobile game adds" -- WebbedRose103
"Or when it's a real x button, but they make it so small that you click the ad anyway." -- tomuglycruise
"That and the moving button that makes you click on ads as it loads more and more ads." -- Maester_erryk
Others spoke specifically about the world of advertising and constantly encountering people trying to sell something. The lengths they'll go are endless.
"You're no longer allowed to advertise a lower price than what the customer will pay. No more $29.99... plus $100 in fees."
"Calling someone you don't know to solicit. I get 12+ calls a day and block each one and still get 12 more the next day. I'll hang up on them because they're calling while I'm using GPS and they'll just immediately call and interrupt the map again."
Glue and Plastic
"selling food that looks significantly different in person than it does in advertising/food glamour shots." -- skepticones
"This is why I like eating out in Japan. There are plastic examples of dishes in the front window. If something looks good, you go in and ask for it, and it matches the one in the window every time!" -- EmEmPeriwinkle
And others set their sights on the toxic elements of human culture that seem to make everyone worse off.
All About Context
"Too many loopholes in current law. For instance Dr. Oz would lose his medical license if he told a patient in his office the same things he says on TV. But broadcasts aren't technically doctor-patient relationships, so he gets away with misleading millions of people."
"Puppy mills" -- godhasmoreaids
"Backyard breeders too imo. I see a lot of poorly bred dogs who have major issues because a family wants a payday." -- EmEmPeriwenkle
Poor All Other Animals
"MarineLand and all zoos that mistreat their animals."
Genuine nature preserves that respect and care for their animals, with lots and lots of room, hey, more power to you. But establishments that keep animals as exhibits in tiny spaces have to be stopped."
"Child beauty pageants, just fu** off with that sh**" -- Russian_Terminator
"Yes. It is disgusting to see little girls caked with makeup parading around in adult clothing.Gross." -- glenarbourgal
Of course, none of us will get the chance to ban any of these things. But we can dream, can't we?
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From our childhood through our adult years, one thing we all dream of from time to time is all the things we could do if we had unlimited resources. Buy a castle and become your own anti-hero, solve world hunger, adopt ALL the animals, live on an endless cruise around the world, heck, buy a whole political party *cough cough*.
Most of us would be content making sure our family and friends were set for life and bettering the world the best we can.
Redditor ApArAmY wanted to hear what everyone else dreamed of doing if they had no limit on funds.
“What is the first thing you would buy if you had infinite money?"
Dreaming of affordable health care? Must be from the US...
“Every single medical provider facility in the world. Make healthcare free for patients. Since I have unlimited money, I can afford whatever drug/device/material/salary/etc that would treat patients.”
“Then everyone can get on with living life knowing that they'll get good medicine and not be saddled with high costs. And taxes could go down because governments wouldn't have to pay for healthcare.” Specialist-Ad475
20 trillion, no big deal...
“I'd fund all efforts to further the fight against climate change, global warming, pollution, etc. I'd probably try not to spend that much money for a while so as to prevent inflation, but adding ~20 trillion dollars to the global economy wouldn't be that bad, right?” PixelGMS
The orange one wouldn't like this idea...
“I'd buy Mar a Lago, make it into a homeless shelter and install wind power turbines on all 18 holes." Mr-Warmth
Someone come get their dad!
“A new butt, my old one has a crack in it!" drewdwagy1966seth meyers dabbing GIF by Late Night with Seth MeyersGiphy
Human rights and green energy...
“Buy Amazon, Nestle, and as many $1billion+ corporations as I can. Once I'm CEO, I would stop every human rights violation they cause and give all the profits (since i have infinite money I won't need it) to charities and funding to green energy and stopping climate change." crispier_cream
“It sounds silly, but an ice cream sandwich. Several years ago, I was living paycheck to paycheck and had a fair amount of credit card debt. I fell behind in my mortgage and lost my home to foreclosure. Shortly after I was notified, I drove over to a 7-11, bought an ice cream sandwich, and ate it while crying in my car.”
“Unfortunately, every time I eat an ice cream sandwich, it's still a bittersweet feeling. I always think of the day my favorite childhood comfort food became forever intertwined with my sense of complete and utter failure. After coming into life-changing money, I would hope that an ice cream sandwich would taste as good again as it did when I was a kid.” Steve-in-rewrite
“Just….. a huge chunk of land.”
“Land. Just….. a huge chunk of land. Build a house for my parents, one for us, and one for my In-Laws, and another small house for the family to stay at when they come to visit. Maybe two. We got a big family. And then just spend my time building my farm." Unusual_Amphibian_20
Just make sure to funnel it through a PAC first...
“A US Senator! Or several of 'em. I've always wanted my own senator.” a_dangerous_noodleSusan Collins Thank You GIF by Election 2020Giphy
The who’s got a bigger one game...
“Judging by the world we live in, apparently I'd enter into the private space race.” Cool-breeze7
Back to the bartering system perhaps?
“I would distribute it all evenly so that it's literally worthless. I would expect this to collapse the economy but what do i know, I'm not an economist.” Jham_jam
It seems like mostly these Redditors want to help others and the planet. Although for that one person, may all your ice cream sandwiches be delightful.
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I admit that I am not a picky eater by any stretch of the imagination. I eat just about anything. I also consider myself pretty adventurous; when I travel, eating good food and trying the local cuisine is at the top of my list!
But even I would be hard-pressed to eat durian or even balut.
Would I say absolutely not? I'll have to get back to you after a trip to Southeast Asia. The jury's out for now.
People had very strong opinions on the food they want nothing to do with after Redditor KentuckyFriedEel asked the online community,
"What dish/food can f*** right off?"
"The edible KFC nail polish. Imagine you are spending the day touching public door handles and keyboards and stuff and then sucking your fingers for chicken paint."
This... this exists?
I'm so happy I've never actually run into this. I was doing just fine without this knowledge.
"Canned whole chickens. Not sure if anyone's seen those, but I want to vomit right now just thinking about it."
I can only think about how slimy it must be from all that congealed fat and it grosses me out.
"Pufferfish. I mean, you need like 2 to 3 years of training to serve it and if you accidentally eat the wrong part it will kill you. The poison has no known antidote and 1 needle can kill 30 adult humans. Other than that, it's just a fish. There are thousands of fish all over the world, just eat a different one"
Yeah... I love seafood but I'll pass. I don't want to be that person. I'm good, thanks!
"For those who aren't familiar..."
"Gefilte fish. For those who aren't familiar, it's like a ball of fish guts packaged in a jar. It's a common food eaten during Pesach."
"Shark fin soup. No taste, no nutritional value. Only to be had to show wealth/status in certain countries. Most importantly, it's really f***** up the shark populations."
Environmentalists have done some splendid work getting people to stop eating this––and imitation shark fin soup seems to be more available than the real thing.
God created the heavens and the earth, and everything in his creation.
He allowed Satan to create one thing... one at all, and Satan created the durian."
"Natto/fermented soybeans. It's sticky and disgusting. It's like Death and Hell had a sticky baby."
"I'm sick of people..."
"Celery. Useless vegetable, no nutritional value at all and just tastes disgusting. I'm sick of people ruining perfectly good egg/potato salads and soups with freaking celery. It's just unnecessary."
Celery's only crime is how inoffensive it actually is. Does it deserve this hate? Probably not.
"Liver. I mean... it's a filter. Why would anyone want to eat a filter?"
You can pry my liver out of my cold, dead hands. I'll have yours if you don't want it!
"I thought I hated..."
"Canned Spinach. I thought I hated spinach for half my life. Nope, I love it, just not that snot in a can. Why did you feed me that mother? Why?"
Okay, what I've learned today is... I could have done without the thought of canned whole chicken. My stomach wants to reject it and it's not even in my stomach. That should tell you something.
Have some opinions of your own? Feel free to tell us all about them in the comments below!
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