Men, come on.
It's not that hard. If you happen to meet a woman you like and want her to like you in return just be genuine, don't over-exaggerate your accomplishments, and be interested in what they say. You'll feel it if there's a connection and, if there's not, that's fine. Move on. You'll both be better for it with no awkward forced situations where you feel like you need to impress her because if you act like any of the guys being describe below, odds are you're not going to find anyone.
Reddit user, u/xBreadBoi, wanted to hear:
What is some stuff men try to do to appear "better" that you see straight through?
Not Endearing To Me
Saying nasty sh-t about other women to me.
I have a kind of "bro" mentality, which apparently makes men think I share their misogyny. I do not.
An Expert In All Fields
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Pretending they know everything.
No one knows everything.
Stop pretending.
It's Already Done...Tomorrow...
Sometimes I find that men tend to say they'll do something then not do that thing and continue pretending they have for example "hey are you going to plan that date?" "oh yeah it's already done" come the day of the date and nothing has been planned and they try to turn it on you saying we'll why didn't you plan it?
This obviously doesn't apply to all men but I've noticed that a lot do this if they are still very close to their mum and often still have everything done by their mum
It Can Mean A Lot Of Different Things
"You make me want to be a better man" - spoken as a subtle allusion to a shady past by a guy who later blamed me when he didn't improve himself.
What, You Want A Cookie With It Too?
Telling me how much they like to do housework and keep a clean home.
I found a message from my ex the other day that talked about how he couldn't live in a dirty home, and needed to make sure things like dishes were done. Housework was one of the major things (among some others) that broke apart our relationship because he would not meet me half way.
Since then, I've noticed how many men tell me they do housework and want some kind of medal (in the form of sex) for it. When in reality, they do housework because they live alone and once they are in a relationship it's all down to the woman.
Playing The Teams
They will speak about other men in a demeaning way, usually in agreement to whatever you're saying. Think "Oh, yes, men are terrible. Women are definitely smarter. I love women. Men suck."
Can get very specific. The goal is to show they're on YOUR team, and they're BETTER than the general population, and you can trust them.
They are, usually, not better.
I'm So Hot
Talking about how many other girls they've had things with, or slept with.
I find that the more a guy does this the more insecure he actually tends to be about his own attractiveness. And usually this is combined with a sleazy personality.
Intelligence Falling Into Annoyance
Having an opinion on everything you do. "Oh you study spider reproductive organs? Do you know they're called Arachnids?!" Um, yes, I know. That makes you sound smart for the first five seconds, then it becomes obnoxious.
Chivalry Is Dead
Walking you home or driving you home.... that's their moment to pounce and try to get in your panties. I just went to a wedding and my hotel and the grooms were 20 feet away from each other. One of the groomsman kept trying to walk me back and be "gentlemanly". When really he just wanted to get me to outside my hotel room so he could try to get in it. I had to keep correcting his hands during a dance at the reception...... but no bro. I'll walk my ass home on the well lit street.....with people everywhere...... 20 feet away. I got this.
Those Who Flaunt It, Lack It
Any time they try to claim any redeeming quality "I'm not like other guys" "I'm an intellectual" "I'm ambitious and etc etc"
Like, if you have to state it about yourself, chances are you ain't. Most of those kinds of qualities are quite obvious and people who actually have them know they don't need to flaunt it.
This is the worst. There is a guy I work with who constantly says "I'm an ally to women" but also calls his wife psycho and "the ball and chain" and fat.
But you know—- he's an ally tho.
One Doesn't Lead To Another
Make their bed and go on about how making their bed in the morning means they're on their way to become a CEO because they've reached enlightenment by making their bed every day.
Setting The Bar Way Too High
Telling you all the "amazing" things they're going to do for you in an effort to get you excited for how "amazing they're going to be" in the future, when they barely know you.
This can lead to if you do end up in a relationship where they always promise they'll have something spectacular for your birthday or promise to buy you that thing you always wanted, but never actually have to pull thru on delivering it.
Some Verbal Gymnastics
"I respect your boundaries."
But ends up playing with the edges of the boundaries and using loopholes in verbal requests.
Ugh, the f-cking "lawyers." How I hate this. You make a simple everyday agreement, and when it's time for them to do their part you get a bunch of "well you never specified X…" bullsh-t, when X was obvious/implied. Sometimes there's a hint of a smirk while they do it, like they're so pleased they outsmarted you with their superior loopholing skillz.
Like, no, you're just an a--hole. I see what you're doing and it's not clever, it's a--holery. But I'm going to walk away from this because life is just too f-cking short. Enjoy the "victory."
Like, Dude, Just Be Yourself
I don't know what this behavior is called, but some guys basically change their entire personalities when they're around a girl they fancy in order to appear as "perfect" as possible. This is a huge red flag for me, and so easy for me to spot since I've seen the same behavior so many times in male acquaintances I know. They're always the same types of guys who are super sexist/racist whenever their girlfriends ain't around.
No Context Given
Telling me how much they "respect women" right off the back with absolutely no context. It's just a giant red flag.
Or, telling me how much of a feminist they are after yelling at me because I'm somehow responsible for someone else not wanting to sleep with them.
Why Are You Trying To One-Up Me?
Oh I love this question where do I start...ok this is my favorite one that I get on dating apps.
I work in finance in a predominantly male field. I have one dating app I pay for that requires you to put a career in your bio. I have mine listed as what type of financial field I work in. I'll have guys message me some extremely difficult question about the stock market with abbreviations that I don't even know and ask me to define it or how I feel about something wildly out of my range of expertise. It's clearly a way to make it appear that they know more than me and make me feel like a less superior idiot for not knowing the answer.
I unmatch those guys immediately.
Making That Generosity Mileage Last
Talk the talk without walking the walk. For example, claiming he's actively participating in making lives better, but in actuality he signed an online petition or donated the price of his daily coffee once five years ago to support the whales and has been riding the claim ever since.
I find that some men genuinely believe they're doing that. I had one junior male colleague who insisted on showing me how to add the Chrome extension to block ads so I can watch YouTube in peace. I declined, saying, i already know that and I only listen to music on YouTube in the office now and then.
Months later, he looked me in the eye and talked about how he taught me technology. He genuinely believed he did so. Best case of self-gaslighting.
"I could crush you, little man."
Act like they're doing you a favour by being attracted to you. I'm very tall and a lot of men seem to think they're some kind of saint for finding me attractive and for being willing to "look past" my height. F-ck off. My best friend is overweight and she has had guys pull the same sh-t on her.
I once had someone tell me I should have thanked a friend that confessed his crush for me (feelings I do not share at all) for "liking my stupid @ss". Uhm what? People don't own anything to people that like them. Appreciating his honesty? Sure. Commending him for having the guts to do it, knowing I didn't feel the same way? Of course. Thanking him for liking me? I don't think so
No, Carl, They're Yours Too
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"Hey babe, I did the dishes... for you."
No, Mike! You did them because you live here too and because I am not the maid you f-ck occasionally!
