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Women Divulge The Most Hurtful Things Men Say And Do Without Even Realizing

Men are scum. Sometimes. Often.

Why can't people (men in particular) think before they speak? It really is simple to understand the words falling out of your mouth. Syntax of one of life's greatest gifts and forethought... so please utilize them gents.

Redditor u/chiefmeef wanted to hear from all the ladies. We need to get some men a little more woke to the words falling out of their mouths by asking.... Women of reddit, what is something that men say or do that is very hurtful to you without them realizing it is?

Fade Out.

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When I got flashed by a creep on a late night deserted commute, and my male friend couldn't understand why it was screwed up, since he wouldn't mind being flashed by a woman. nvyetka

"You're a little show off, aren't you?"

I'm a huge fan of astronomy and one time this guy overheard me saying it, and said "Really? What's the planet with the most moons?" At the time, Jupiter had the most moons and I said it was Jupiter. He claimed that I was wrong and wanted me to google it so we could be sure. Of course, I was right, and he said "You're a little show-off, aren't you?" and left. I just didn't understand why he had to question my statement. Still don't. spaceyteacup

Was it the ADHD?!

I just recently noticed how my boyfriend interrupts me whenever I'm talking after every 20-30 seconds. I thought this was due to his ADHD, but then I noticed he will literally listen to any of his male roommates talk endlessly without his constant interjection.

The thing is, I don't think he does it purposely or maliciously, he apologizes and asks me to continue after his interruption but I'm tired of repeating myself and losing my train of thought. Or pretending to forget what I was talking about just so I don't have to go through the whole process again. LovelyLittleJay

"my husband's tools"

I am very handy and love DIY, my husband couldn't care less about home improvement projects, landscaping, etc. So, most of the tools and equipment we own were purchased and are used by me. I hate it when men will assume I don't know how to use "my husband's tools" or that he should be the one fixing things. Like my tiny woman brain can't handle power tools or basic plumbing. imtkimtk

You First.

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I hate when random men tell me I should smile. xxashleigh

"You're so cute when you get angry"

"You're so cute when you get angry"

I had people tell me that a few times, including lovers and family members. Always men, for some reason. I am a very tiny woman that looks 10 years younger than my actual age and this always gets to me. I only very rarely get really angry, and when I do it's because something feels deeply, fundamentally wrong.

I'm not cute, I'm angry. I'm devastated and you're not listening, nor taking my feelings, nor the unacceptable situation, nor logic in account.

Whenever someone tells me that, I could cry for the injustice of it all. None of those who said it understood why I hated it. Now I usually fake to be unaffected and reply something like "Ok, we'll talk later when your brain works again" and leave. But I can never really forgive them for it. MMXXfan

Oh Really?! 

When men feel like they have to "test" women when they mention that they have interests that are typically considered masculine. I'm a huge (American) football fan and have been playing for almost a decade now but sometimes when I tell men about it, they're all like:"Oh really? Name all of the [insert team name here]'s previous coaches" or something like that. CichaelMlifford

How's the Job?

Many of my male friends or acquaintances (and even my dad) like to talk to my husband about how his job is going, but rarely ask me about mine. I make nearly the same pay check and have a fairly interesting job that I've worked hard to get, but I think they think I'd rather talk about my social life, family, or hobbies before anything else. Its sad to not be questioned about something I spend all day doing. tootmyfloot

Seriously?!

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"Are you on your period?" when i'm angry and then not listen to a word i'm saying. seriesly

Talk 2 Me....

I grew up in the South and, even though I'm a man, I've witnessed this one numerous times and heard the gripes about it. If a woman is alone when making major purchases like cars or homes they'll get some version of the "is your husband around to talk too?" Just very dismissive of a woman's ability to make decisions on her own. ElSatchmo

REDDIT

Do you have something to confess to George? Text "Secrets" or ":zipper_mouth_face:" to +1 (310) 299-9390 to talk to him about it.

People Share Their Wildest 'I Can Fix Them' Dating Experiences

Reddit user Dapper_Algae6280 Asked: 'People who entered a relationship thinking "I can fix them"; how did that go?'

Content Warning: Mental Health, Suicide, Domestic Violence

We all know that we technically can't make anyone else do anything, and we certainly can't "fix" other people. Other people will only change or do something if they choose to; the only person we can really control is ourselves.

But some people really love to try, often to hilarious and terrible results.

Already cringing, Redditor Dapper_Algae6280 asked:

"People who entered a relationship thinking 'I can fix them,' how did that go?"

Time for an Upgrade

"There is a weird thing that happens when you 'fix' someone. They tend to think if you liked them broken, then they deserve better than you now that they are better than they were."

- TheRealLifePotato

"As horrible as it sounds, to have a happy, emotionally healthy relationship you need two happy, emotionally healthy people. If you want to be in that sort of relationship, you need to fix yourself first."

- inactiveuser247

"This right here. After three sh*tty relationships in a row, I realized this is a me problem. I took a few years off from dating to reflect and really learn to see red flags and understand myself so I wouldn't make that mistake again."

- MikoSkyns

No More Spark

"My now ex had PTSD, depression, and a variety of other issues she claimed. After two and a half years of dating (being my first and only relationship), she became more social, less suicidal, and overall happier as a person."

"She decided to cheat on me with someone else due to 'lack of communication' and us 'no longer having a spark". The irony."

"For context, we were 17 at the time, in high school, and I worked full-time hours with initiatives to hang out, which were refused. Red flags everywhere."

- elteragxo

"Your situation is eerily similar to mine, what the f**k?"

"I met a girl with mental and emotional issues and decided to fix them through a healthy relationship. She recovered and found someone else because 'the spark was gone.'"

- Aimlessdrifter8778

Misery Loves Company

"Now we are both broken."

- Brave-Butterscotch76

"The same thing happened to my sister-in-law. She married a very negative and miserable guy while saying 'he will get better' or 'we’re working on it,' and now she’s a very negative and miserable person."

- Moreofyoulessofme

Getting to Watch a Partner Grow

"At first we were only f**king. I don't know if I ever thought I could fix her, but I did fall in love with this beautiful lady with severe anxiety, depression, and trust issues after being in a domestically violent relationship."

"We were f**k buddies for about six months and I got a glimpse of her issues but I still went ahead and asked her to be my girlfriend The heart wants what it wants."

"We dated for a year and a half (two years since meeting), and I actually got to see her at her worst a few times, but I was finally able to get her therapy with a great psychiatrist and treatment, this is when I asked her to move in with me. We've been living together for six years."

"Four years ago, she had the worst breakdown I've seen. She went full-on paranoid, wall-scratching nervous, she was even doubting me and my motives to be there. It was a very difficult week, and she left the house and went to her mom's house in the middle of the night."

"Eventually, her therapist was able to get a hold of her and get her back to her senses. Her doctor then suggested that I also should go to a counselor or at the very least we should do couples therapy so we had strong bases for our relationship and we did."

"I now look back and won't change her for anything in the world, she has grown so much, and she glows right now. I now see her smile and it's glorious. She's achieved a great position too and it's amazing just to see how much happier she looks."

- Spiritual-Narwhal666

Not a Match

"I fixed what I wanted to fix, but that still didn't make us right for each other. In the end, I think she's in a much happier place than she could have been, so I think it was worth the time invested."

"We were wrong for each other, but at least we both came out better positioned to receive the happiness that would come to us later."

- MrWeb20

In Their Nature

"A couple of months into the relationship, I fixed him."

"After some irritation, he stopped peeing on the carpet. Now, my cat still brings mice, but I guess, that's just his nature."

- mobileJay77

The Importance of Boundaries

"I don't know if I would say that I 'fixed' her (and I wasn’t trying to), but I definitely taught my last ex the importance of being able to set boundaries and to stop going out of her way to please people who consistently hurt her."

"Eventually this would lead to us breaking up, but I have no regrets. I have issues of my own that were wearing her down and she did what she had to. Same rules apply. We’re both better off because of it."

- TylerTexas10

Happily Ever After

"She fixed herself and I fixed myself with each other's support, and we are living happily ever after, it seems, with ongoing work on ourselves and our relationship."

- DonPronote

An Uncommon Ending

"I didn’t fix them. But I tried my hardest to be patient and supportive while they fixed themself. Sometimes I was better at support than other times. Sometimes they were better at fixing than other times."

"It ended up being worth the patience. Things have been great with us for years now. I know this isn’t the normal outcome though, and I feel incredibly lucky."

- I_Invented_Frysauce

A Little Help from Our Friends

"Usually I'm the one people try to fix.. I think the repeated attempts definitely helped me. Now my current partner gets to enjoy the previous hard work."

"...I think I just got tired of hurting the people who love me and fixed myself, though."

- addrien

All Their Idea

"You can't fix anyone. You can only fix yourself, but if you really want to try and fix someone, you have to make it seem like it's their idea."

- BuhrZap

A Helping Hand

"I don't think you can fix anyone. You can only help them fix themselves, which is very different."

"If someone is actively trying to fix themselves, and you can actually be the person to support them through it, then it can work, but it could also not work."

"I do think there should be a distinction between the two. I mean, trying to fix someone is a bad idea, but if you like someone and are willing to support them in their journey to fix themselves, it's probably not the worst idea in the world."

- brooksie1131

Lesson Learned

"It went so well that they managed to cure me of the desire to 'fix' anybody."

"I’ll toss you a life preserver if you’re trying to save yourself. But I’m not jumping in the water with anyone so they can drown me on their way out."

"People who need to hit rock bottom in order to better themselves will use you to soften their landing if you let them."

- GlobalPermit5428

Best Friends Forever

"It went well but it didn’t work out."

"So we kind of fixed each other we were both at very weird points in our lives and we only dated for about one and a half years. We didn’t need a romantic partner but we did need a friend in each other."

"We’re both in better places now and the best of friends. We both want each other to be part of our lives just not as lovers."

"All and all, I say we got the best outcomes in our lives."

- CODMAN627

So Worth the Investment

"He was an Uber driver with only a high school diploma."

"I married him anyways and bankrolled his education because he was fun as f**k to be around, was the smartest person I’ve ever met, and loves me like I’m the only woman on Earth."

"Now, he’s a computer engineer and we are landlords together and have bought investment properties. We are very happy together."

"Partners work together to create success. I think selfish people ask, 'what’s in it for me?' Marriage is about selflessness."

"I’m glad I sacrificed for his education. His mind would be wasted otherwise and he’s a genius."

- BabyElephantWalks

In most of these cases, the situation went poorly after a Redditor tried to change someone, and for good reason. If that person isn't ready or doesn't want to be fixed, it's only going to damage the relationship.

There's also something to be said about unconditional love. If you don't want to date the person exactly as who they are right now, why are you even trying to date them?

If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988.

To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/

Man standing behind large flowers
Quinn Buffing on Unsplash

We've all done things, or in some cases, regularly do things that others might consider weird.

Even so, we often feel no shame or embarrassment and embrace how unusual these habits are, and take our friends teasing or laughing at us for doing so in stride.

Sometimes, however, we might not like to advertise some of our unusual habits or actions and make every effort to keep them a well-guarded secret.

As raised eyebrows are much easier to take than blatant judgment from friends and peers.

Redditor Key_Nectarine_1969 was curious to hear all the weird things people have done which they still keep under lock and key, leading them to ask:

"What’s the weirdest thing you’ve done that you could only tell people anonymously?"

The Devil [Dogs] Is In The Detail...

"All throughout middle school, there was someone who tucked unwrapped Hostess Devil Dogs into the toilet paper dispensers in the bathrooms, so that when you pulled some toilet paper out, the devil dog would fall out into your hand."

"We had to have an assembly about it."

"That person... Was me."- bejeweled_sky

Seemed Like A Good Idea At The Time

"Was drunk at an escape room with coworkers."

"It was an extreme one where you are handcuffed the entire time."

"I decided in my drunken state that it would be bada** to dislocated my thumb and slip off the cuffs like the movies."

"It wasn't."

"We got kicked out, my coworkers were weirded out and I had to go to the hospital."

"I quit a few weeks later."

"White collar wasn't for me."- Grotesque-penguin

The Bread Of Heaven

"Stole over 1,000 wafers from church because I really liked the communion wafers & didn’t know where else to get them."

"I felt really blessed & cursed for a long time."- hALLIEcinate

catholic the exorcist GIFGiphy

Retracing Steps...

"Once I got off the subway in NYC and I was super early for an appointment."

"So I picked a random guy and just followed him on foot for like 30 minutes, pretending I was like a private detective or something."

"Always kept about a half block behind."

"He turned this way and that, and eventually went into a building I had lived in 9 years earlier."

"It was weird, and so was I."- OKsurewhynotyep

Hygeine Be Damned...

"I found a dead rat in a field when i was younger and kissed it bc I wanted to say goodbye."- qeleia

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Bad Decisions Have A Way Of Getting Back To You...

"We got super drunk and ate a ton of spicy food in New Orleans."

"Back at the B&B, the food started to come out the back side."

"I was sitting on the toilet sh*tting bricks of fire."

"At that moment, the booze decided to hang a u-turn."

"The trash can was out of reach and I couldn't risk standing up from the toilet for even 5 seconds."

"The closest receptacle was the bathtub."

"I managed to turn in such a way that I could keep shi*ting in the toilet while projectile vomiting into the tub."

"Both ended up clogged, and there was no plunger."

"I had to call the owner to explain that I had destroyed both their toilet and their tub simultaneously."- HoopOnPoop

Things Best Left To Professionals...

"My partner is weirdly prone to cysts."

"I had to drain a 3 inch cyst on her back (thankfully she had a dr's appt the next week), then multiple other little cysts on her legs and chest."

"I never told her to her face but that first giant cyst literally haunted me, the amount of pus and blood I saw....good heavens."- SleepyBiologist

uruguay spot GIF by sargentoPezGiphy

At Least A Lesson Was Learned...

"When I was walking to school one morning, I saw a kid (7-8 yo?) kicking a dog."

"I ran over & kicked the kid and asked him how it felt."

"He ran off and no one saw."

"Still not sorry."- sneezyailurophile

All Creatures Deserve Love

"I was extremely socially isolated as a child and tried to make friends with the coyotes who lived in the woods by our home."

'I caught one in a snare and fed and kept her."

"I wanted a friend."- letthetreeburn

That's What Friends Are For...

"My wife and her best friend pick me up from a frat party black out drunk."

"Then they helped me take a sh*t on the toilet, wiped my a** and then gave me a shower and put me to bed naked."

"Don’t remember any of it."- nc3100

Party Love GIF by Chris CiminoGiphy

Not The Right Kind Of Manure...

"One time I went outside at like 2AM and put the garden hose nozzle into my butthole and sprayed some water into it, then farted it out onto the lawn."

"Basically gave myself an enema with a garden hose."

"I did this because I was bored."

"My neighbour saw me and told my dad (lived at home at the time)."- WaspsInMyGoatse

A Little Fantasy Now And Then...

"When I was younger I joined an international dating site that I figured was a scam."

"Put a black square as my picture and gave myself a fake name, and then looked through their users."

"And after about 10 minutes I had like a 100 messages."

"Most of them were messages telling me how handsome I was or how these women fell in love with me at first site."

"Now I knew it was a scam but when ever I felt down or got rejected for a while I would pop back on the site and read a few messages."

'Yeah it’s kinda cringy and probably pathetic but it made me feel better."

"I would just turn off that logical part of my brain that knew it was a scam for awhile and just pretend I was this popular and desirable guy."

"And it honestly got me through the day sometimes."- Demonking3343

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If anyone says they've never done anything they're ashamed, or at the very least less-than-proud of, in all likelihood, they are lying.

Or, more likely, they understandably want to pretend that it never happened.

Which might be a little easier than harboring a secret.



A shocked young man cups his face with his hands
Nachristos/Unsplash

Who doesn't love a first date?

The anticipation. The hopes and dreams. The romance.

Even those first-date butterflies are fun.

You're hoping this could be the one.

Or maybe this will just be a lot of fun.

Then you sit down with one another and they open their mouth and BOOM... dating disaster.

Life is ruined. Or maybe you were saved.

Redditor MiloMilkOnDrugs wanted to hear about the conversations that can ruin a romantic time, so they asked:

"What's the worst thing someone can say on a first date?"

Having worked as a waiter as long as I did, I can't tell the things I've overheard without fainting.

I'll just say... sometimes it's okay to stay single.

Promises

Players Association Sport GIF by NBPAGiphy

“'I need you to promise not to tell my wife.'"

FriendNegative6013

Honk Off

"My cousin (F) went on a first date where in the middle of the conversation, her date reached over and squeezed her breast and said 'Honk.'"

"She said 'What on earth do you think you're doing?'"

He said 'I've had quite a lot of success with that move.'"

"There was no second date. My cousin was the girl. I realized from a comment it was ambiguous."

blu3teeth

Circa 2005

"My mother was freshly divorced and we signed her up on a dating website (circa 2005) Helped her take pictures etc..."

"She met this guy online real smart, seems to have his sh*t together, independent, etc..."

"They set a date at a local restaurant they park side by side."

"The moment she greets him he says: WOW I love those big boobs I can't wait to taste them!"

"She 180° stepped back in her Mazda 3 and f**ked the right off this parking lot lol."

mageakeem

Safety First

"Does anyone know you're here?"

Baby-hazell

"It's a safety thing. Sometimes, people let others know where they'll be before meeting a stranger for a date. However for him to ask can be seen as a little creepy like he would be planning to do something to them and would need to know that info so he can figure out how long she'll be gone before the police are called. If that makes sense."

Hachiko75

Previously...

canadian what GIF by CBCGiphy

"I was on a date once, the woman apologized before looking a bit rough because she had just had sex before coming."

REDDIT​

What happened to putting your best foot forward?

My goodness, it's not that hard to at least run a brush through your hair.

Mirror Mirror

"'My ex looks way better than you.'"

Academic_Ingenuity84

"What a coincidence. My ex looks way better than you."

"Maybe they can get together and leave us ugly fools to mope about it together."

LurkerOrHydralisk

Oh Baby

"After pulling her chair out for her, you pet her head then rub her belly saying 'I’m gonna put a baby in here.'"

BuffaloInCahoots

"Ha, can you imagine, being a proper gentleman and then ending with a head pat and belly rub?"

phillmybuttons

"I once had a guy tell me on the first date he wanted to have at least six children. I heard later from his sister he married a woman who was already pregnant with someone else's kid, and he had her pregnant again within the year."

ashoka_akira

Family Dynamics

"'You remind me of my mom.' Bonus points if there is this weird attraction component to it."

Kiunan5

"My partner went on a date with a young woman shortly before we met, he said she repeatedly compared him to her father ('my dad drinks scotch', 'my dad is also bald,' etc). He said no amount of attraction could save the date after that."

Digital_Punk

"Oh God, I'm guilty of this one. It wasn't a date. but I told that to a woman I tried bedding later on. Honestly, she didn't look like my mom i was just shooting my shots at trying to keep her around."

Bobtheguardian22

Be Serious

Shouting The Goldbergs GIF by ABC NetworkGiphy

"I went to a nice French bistro in the Bay Area, there was a table right behind me and the friend dining. The guy literally said to the girl 'I am the alpha of this relationship.' (in a serious manner). Me and buddy sort of looked at each other while the girl literally burst out laughing, grabbed her bag, and then walked out of the restaurant."

295DVRKSS

It feels like some men have no one to bounce conversation ideas off of.

Or do they really believe what they say?

person walking while carrying shopping bags
Erik Mclean on Unsplash

Happiness is relative.

The idea that money can't buy happiness sounds good, but the reality is money can buy many things that contribute to our overall well-being.

And isn't comfort happiness?

Keep reading...Show less