It must be frustrating for women married to their husbands to be overlooked with business transactions they initiated.
For the record: a client is not always a man.
Curious about the experiences of female clients, Redditor teacherspet5859438e asked:
Ignored In HER Own Home
"Wasn't my husband, not even my boyfriend, but a guy friend I happened to have round when a joiner came to fix something in MY home. I welcomed the joiner in, started talking to him about the issue, then he saw my friend and did a 180° to talk to him. He literally turned his back on me while I was mid-sentence. In MY home."
"Don't Talk To Me"
"It's not so much a particular story but when I was shopping for a car several years ago the salesmen at every dealership kept talking to my husband instead of me even though I was the one who contacted the dealerships and made sure to introduce myself first. My husband got sick of it and started telling them 'Don't talk to me, it's not my car. Talk to her.'"
"I wound up buying from a saleswoman who treated us equally until she pretty quickly figured out my husband was not involved whatsoever in the decision."
"She's The Boss"
"I took my colleague out to lunch. He wasn't a subordinate he was at the same level, however I was given a company card and he wasn't, due to the nature of our jobs. When the bill came around, the waitress gave it to him because she assumed he would be paying. He graciously grabbed the bill and gave it to me and said 'she's the boss.' Smart move: made me feel validated, and he got a free lunch."
When Pat Failed At His Job
"At work, I manage a few facility systems in our building (think air handlers, water purification, etc.) I was meeting a new vendor (let's call him 'Pat') that was servicing one of the systems I was overseeing. Pat had already met the facilities engineer (also a man), so this coworker was introducing me to him. Instead of talking directly to me, Pat turned to my coworker after shaking my hand and asked him, 'and what does she do here?' A few weeks later, he had the unpleasant opportunity to learn that I'm the one who calls him when his company falls through and doesn't deliver. Needless to say, I was not overly polite about it when Pat failed to do his job."
When Mom Fought The Admissions Guy
"Happened to my mom when we went to look at colleges."
"The admissions guy opened by shaking my dads hand, constantly directed questions at my dad, and would look to him for confirmation whenever my mom said something."
"My mom is defacto the money person of our family unit. She manages the family finances and investments and stuff, and was way way way more qualified to comment on things like student loans or expected contribution. When we left that meeting she was absolutely furious that she had to basically fight the admissions person to have a normal conversation."
What The Husband Says
"I am the money person in our relationship and this happens to me all the time. Every car we've bought, place we've rented, investment we've made, you name it. My husband is now very confident in telling the people that if they keep trying to talk to him about it the only decision he will be able to make is telling them to get lost."
When Mom Was Single
"My mom is single when she went and did all the paperwork with my sis(she was 17 for a few more months) they asked automatically when her husband would be there I'm glad I wasn't in that office when that happened."
"This Is MY Land"
"Not a 'client' per se, but a relevant story.....I (38 F[emale]) caught some hunters trespassing on my property. I wasn't rude to them at all, just waved from the other side of the field. The next day they show up at my house and one gestures towards the police car in the driveway and asks to speak to my husband about hunting in our woods. I was like 'you can talk to him if you want, but that's my cruiser and this is my land not his.' They still insisted on getting permission from my husband."
"My husband and I had our backyard completely dug up and relandscaped when we bought our house. The landscaper was an older guy, probably around my dad's age, and my husband and I are pretty young to be homeowners, so I could kinda understand this dude's condescending attitude. When he came over the first time to do the estimate he almost exclusively addressed my husband even though I'd made it clear I was the one who was doing the designing and knew what I wanted done. When the work was done and I paid him, he kept looking behind me for my husband and almost didn't give me the aftercare instructions for the new sod, saying he wanted to make sure it was done right so he'd email them to my husband. I finally snapped, 'Give me the damn piece of paper, Bruce! I'm the one who will be home during the day to do the damn thing!' (I worked nights at the time). He reluctantly handed it over and called my husband the next day to make sure the lawn got watered. My husband told him, 'You'd have to ask her, Bruce. She told you she'd do the damn thing' and hung up."
"I had, indeed, done the damn thing."
The Quote Denier
"We were looking into replacing our roof, and found a metal roof company who was running a promotion, so I gave them a call and scheduled for someone to come out and give us a quote. I was able to answer all of his questions, but he refused to give me a quote without my husband present (with some 'sign before we leave for best price' excuse), and was intent on driving back over the following day (when my husband would be home). I called their main office shortly after he left and said I wasn't interested in any high-pressure sales tactics, I just wanted a quote, and if they wouldn't give that to me, the one who would be paying for it, then to not bother coming back out. Didn't see them again. The three other roofing companies I contacted had no problem dealing solely with me."
A car for me
We were buying a car for me. Paying for the whole thing outright, but financing the minimum amount because they ran a deal that got us $1500 off if we financed through them (we paid the whole note the next month), so of course we had to sit in the salesman's office for an inordinately long amount of time answering questions.
The salesman, who was great in every other way because he was a hands-off, no-pressure guy (we walked from several other places when they attempted to pressure us), would ask my husband the questions. My husband pointed at me and said "I don't know, it's her car." Salesman said "Of course, but we all know how it goes, right?" and kept asking him.
So what ended up happening, because we both wanted to get the paperwork signed and get the hell out of there with the car but we were also on the same wavelength wondering about how far we could go with this, was that the salesman would ask my husband the question. Husband would blatantly turn to me and repeat the question, I would answer him, then he would turn back to the salesman and repeat exactly what I'd said. Dude never got the idea that maybe he could...just ask me the questions.
On the car we bought for my husband a few years later, since we put both our names on the paperwork we both had to sign. The finance guy saw my last name was different and asked when we were getting married. And was confused when we said "Er, eight years ago?"
The one with the chequebook
Was invited to a weekend away with a supplier to launch their new range. My husband went with and on the 'order day' the Financial Manager of the supplier came up to my husband and asked him what he thinks about the new range and what he is considering to buy. My husband replied very dryly that he is only the plus 1 and that he must speak to me seeing that I am the one with the chequebook.
I'm that husband lol. My wife is a RVT(registered veterinary technician) think RN but for animals. We took a work vacation last year for a conference she wanted to go to out of state. It was only a few days so we decided to just extend it and make a vacation of it. I'm there with her at the zoo getting a behind the scenes look at stuff (super cool by the way I got to pet an elephant and feed a giraffe) and someone is asking me technical questions and I'm like "I'm the plus one, loving the zoo though"
She's the boss
When I was buying my house, I took my boyfriend with me to the viewing and realtor was talking mostly to him and even ended up calling him with bids on a house. Yes, the house I purchased all on my own and is mine. I don't take myself too seriously and I'm not easy to upset or embarrass, so I didn't really care, I was riding high on a wave of winning a bidding war.
Edit: I honestly didn't expect so many reactions, thank you. I think I should say that I often find myself in a similar situations, where the sales person looks at my boyfriend ( yes, still the same guy, 7 years and counting) for approval or answers and my boyfriend always replies along the lines : "don't look at me, she's the boss / she's a the one making decision / she's the one buying" and now that I'm thinking about it, I've never really had to tell anyone myself, he was always first to tell them. Maybe that's the reason why I never really thought much about it.
Sternly let him know
This is mine too. My husband and I were selling our home and buying a new one. He is self-employed so everything with the ownership was only me and my income (same as our first time buying). The realtor kept referring to my husband for the whole process. Realtor would ignore my texts, calls, and emails. I would call him with a question, leave it on his VM and then he would call my husband with a response.
I was being completely ignored so my husband ended up calling the realtor and VERY sternly letting him know that I was in charge of everything related to the buying, selling, qualifying, etc and that all questions, paperwork, and information should go solely to me. For some reason the dude couldn't believe that I, as a female, was selling a home I had purchased on my own and was buying a new home on my own.
I just excuse myself
I'm the husband, but when we have any kind of work done on our house everyone constantly tries to make eye contact with me and pal around. My wife does all of that stuff. I don't know anything about any of it. I literally spend the whole time redirecting people to deal with her. Sometimes I just excuse myself and have her fill me in on details (which I don't care about or need to know) later.
Exclusively approach me
My wife and I in Dubai, being the middle East they would exclusively approach me but the credit card was hers. Every damn time
Speak to me directly
This was my experience with my boyfriend in Vietnam. I sort of expected it, but it still ended up really bothering me.
No one ever spoke to me directly if we were together. At a restaurant, we were clearly done with our meal and my boyfriend went to use the restroom. I looked over at the female servers and made eye contact while trying to signal them. They just stared at me back. I piled plates together: nothing. A few minutes later my boyfriend comes back and they approach to ask him if he wants anything else or the check. Nothing to me.
Even when him and I tried the hotel spa, which usually are sexist in the other direction and cater towards women, they only asked "Mr. So-and-so, how was everything?" Not a word to me. It took away from the enjoyment.